Using the practice of OM, I have come to understand that orgasm isn’t so much an experience as a potential, an untapped power of staggering force that is already innately a part of us. Unfortunately, we aren’t really taught to access orgasm but to keep it confined to very specific moments in our life— usually, the bedroom or an idle masturbation session. But orgasm is far from a frivolous luxury or vestigial benefit; it’s about a deep sense of connection to our bodies—one that enables us to trust ourselves in every moment, and to live from pleasure rather than fear or stigma.
Desire is its own reason for existing, and it is rooted in mystery. It requires us to put on a blindfold and be led by something greater than our intellect, and greater than our rational decision-making minds.
Spreading the Gospel of Desire
Tantra and OM
Change is a frightening scenario for most of us, especially when our culture is keen on inundating women with bleak statistics and dismal alternatives. Leave your high-power job or high-power man, and you’ll be out on the streets, or you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. And, to be sure, for many women, certain misery is a sweeter option than indeterminate pleasure. But while the possibility of doom and gloom might always be there, so is the very real prospect of true happiness … and usually, the experience we find ourselves reeling in has more to do with where we place our attention and how adaptable we are to change than with the actual circumstances themselves. I think it’s incumbent upon new generations of South Asians to break out of conditioning that keeps us disconnected from our bodies (and each other), and mired in attitudes that are austere, conformist, and fearful. Through my work in spreading the gospel of desire, I’m not encouraging people to make irresponsible decisions, but merely to engage with a part of themselves that may have been castrated by social mandates—a part of themselves that perhaps has a greater decision-making capacity than we have accorded it. The face of South Asian sexuality itself is rapidly changing, as our society evolves. Some may think the changes are for the worse, and that we are simply casting aside one culture’s norms for another’s. But I believe that many of the trends we are experiencing within our community—from higher rates of divorce, to interracial relationships, to the visibility of homosexual and transgendered people, to the politicization of women’s sexual freedom—are signaling us toward the importance of choosing and making visible what we know to be essentially true. I believe that despite the notion that such things lead to the breakdown of the social fabric as we know it, we are weaving an altogether new tapestry—one that is inclusive, truthful, and that values true connection over obligation. 58 | INDIA CURRENTS | May 2014
Speaking of the metaphor of weaving, the term “tantra” stems from the Sanksrit word for web or warp—the interweaving of qualities such as “conscious” and “unconscious,” “male” and “female,” within a person. Tantra is about union, surrender, and the dissolution of conflict in the recognition of our essential sacredness. OM doesn’t posit itself as a tantric activity (thank goodness, as the neo-tantric emphasis on sex as the primary ingredient admittedly raises my hackles), but from my experience, it is very much steeped in some of the same characteristics as tantra. Like tantra, OM suggests that we transform sex obsession into sex integration, and that at the same time, we view the path of desire as a viable exploration, and consider mundane experience and sensation as aspects of a much larger totality. Like tantra, OM asks that we leave nothing out, that we consider even our shame, shadow, and most secret admissions as places where enlightenment can be found.
My Personal Journey
When my marriage ended, I was several thousand dollars in debt and face to face with a suddenly vague future that infused even my smallest decisions with a new sense of urgency. But, to my own surprise, I was having a hell of a time. I think I was able to keep a sense of humor about my successes and failures, because the feeling of waking up to this completely new life in which nothing was fixed or assured was exhilarating. The sense of entitlement I’d unconsciously assumed in my former life, as it turned out, had been a buzzkill, not a panacea. The thing about following one’s desire is you eventually come to terms with the fact that it’s not an intellectual choice based on a series of factors you piece together to determine the outcome. Desire is its own reason for existing, and it is rooted in mystery. It requires us to put on a blindfold and be led by something greater than our intellect, and greater than our rational decision-making
minds. Granted, it’s not as if I abide by a doctrine of happy-go-lucky serendipity all the time. I get gobsmacked by the same complexities and trials that many people experience … in the realm of finances, creativity, love, and general purpose. I still shuffle my feet nervously in the midst of the unknown and find myself longing for guarantees and refuge when bad stuff happens. Because of this, it took two years to leave my marriage—I’d been waiting for a sign from the gods, some cast-iron assurance that everything would be okay. Ironically, that life rumbled around me in a matter of moments, not because I had all my ducks lined up and was ready to make that decisive move, but because the universe thought to whack me with a preliminary taste of what I knew, deep down, I wanted: the decimation of a tenuous blueprint in favor of uncertainty and a life authentically lived. Uncertainty is a powerful cocktail when it’s paired with even the slightest inkling of a question: Is this all there is? Can there be a better life for me? Artists, scientists, and innovators routinely embrace uncertainty, ambiguity, and paradox, because the open road is where new discoveries are made. Life becomes an adventure even in the most mundane of places, and purpose is beautifully distilled from the primal soup of chaos. OM keeps us focused on the particularities of our experience without jumping into “It should be like this, and only this.” In the process, we discover something quite astounding—that kind of surrender is actually a key to our pleasure and ability to connect to others. When we aren’t holding so tightly to our expectations, we get to breathe the fresh air of reality and discover exactly who we are. I am especially interested in working with South Asian couples and individuals who want to transform their relationship to sex, pleasure, connection, and desire. I’d love to eventually experience the healing of sexual shame on a large scale in our community, and to offer people tools and resources for addressing these issues within a safe, contained environment. When we begin to extricate sex from the prevailing culture of fear, vigilance, and privacy it’s encased within, I believe that we will also extricate ourselves from the prisons that have held us captive for too long. n Nirmala Nataraj is a freelance writer and a coach who teaches orgasmic meditation. It’s her mission to help people (especially bicultural South Asians) expand their capacity to know and be in alignment with their deepest desires, and to heal wounds around intimacy and sexuality. To learn more, visit www.sacredfirecoaching.com or email Nirmala at nirmala@sacredfirecoaching.com.