How to Spotify Stalk Your Ex

Some may use Spotify solely to stream their favourite songs. Me? I used it as a window into my ex’s heart, which in turn, healed my own.

Words by Jessica Matthewson

Abrutal breakup that lasted about the same time as Joe Jonas’ infamous 27-second dumping with Taylor Swift. With all my items stuffed in a sad, little Tesco bag, and one last look before she left the door, I was officially a single woman once again.

Now, I saw it coming, let it be known. I’d spent the morning dramatically crying to a breakup playlist that I had already made, wearing the hoodie she gave me in the first week. I looked through our nine months’ worth of pictures and videos, trying to place the exact moment it all went wrong. Each fake smile after a fight, it all seemed pathetic now.

The next morning, I woke up, expecting a text that, of course, wasn’t there. I put the necklace she got me around my neck, a little too tightly, and opened my laptop to play the breakup playlist once again. I looked at my friend activity, and there was her name with the blue circle indicating she was online. My heart dropped, realising life was still carrying on for her. Life without me. I clicked on her page and was met with a breakup playlist of her own. Using two fingers, I scrolled down an hour-long list of songs that my twisted mind related to me and, from there, I was officially obsessed.

1. Dissecting Each Song

This little experiment had me imagining exactly what it must be like to be the unfortunate ex of any great artist. Hearing exactly how the breakup felt through their eyes and finding yourself positioned as the villain. I began to scrutinise each song, line by line, like a crazed conspiracy theorist. A tune ingrained in my mind was Moon Song by Phoebe Bridgers, one of the most lyrically cut-throat tracks in the indie artist’s repertoire. This one hurt especially because the moon had always been a symbol of our relationship. Except, I guess, the moon doesn’t leave you on a random Thursday in September. This step requires some real analytical thinking, and no idea is too out there. If I want to believe that each line of a song is related to my relationship, then hey, let me live!

2. Creating a Dialogue

The next step is all about having a sufficient narcissistic trait to believe that your ex might be listening to the exact same songs you’ve been playing. In that crazy way, you can have a conversation. If I listened to Hello by Adele, then she would play Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt. Or when I played Forever by Lewis Capaldi, the reply that came through was Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish. To those who say

child ish, I would retort: genius. Breakups are hard because you lose a best friend. The constant conversation you have with a lover, each intimate detail of your day that gets shared, suddenly has nowhere to go. Allowing each other access to still hear what we both had to say gave me a certain peace. I was still very much a prevalent thought.

3. Getting Angry

The feeling of pure hatred is inevitable. Come on, you’ve just had an organ crushed by the hands of Someone You Loved. Who else would you rather have by your side during this awful time than Beyoncé? If my ex listened to Queen B’s Don’t Hurt Yourself one more time, she probably would have ended up hurting herself. I’d say a burst eardrum at least. But two can play at that game, and I was seeing Red. My anthem morning, day, and night was We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift. Funnily enough, I didn’t mean it, and if it came down to it, I’d be jumping into a blue Cadillac and riding off into the sunset with her. It became increasingly clear that this might be a dangerous idea, and knowing the anger we were both feeling left me on empty. The songs weren’t backed up with a note, so I was forced to write my own conclusions.

4. Confusing The Words

The ability to keep track of someone’s Spotify activity provides an unfair peek through the window to their heart. I’m shying away from the word ‘stalking’ because what I was doing was a bit of fun

to help me move on, rather than a serious offence. I wasn’t turning up to her door with a boombox playing each song from the playlist...I don’t even own a boombox. After a couple days of watching the playlist grow, with bags under my eyes and caffeine-induced shakes, “I began to I came to the realisation that, perhaps, scrutinise this was just a playlist. A collection of each song, songs that Somebody That I Used To Know was enjoying at the line by line, moment.

like a crazed 5. Finding Peace

conspiracy The time between the once-frequent theorist. “ checks of my friend activity began to lengthen. One Friday afternoon, I played Landslide by Fleetwood Mac before unfollowing my ex on Spotify altogether. I paused the growing obsession and pressed play on my fresh start. I recently asked her what song she’d want me to hear before I stopped checking in on her listening habits. She answered Pink Light by Muna. A song about moving on and letting go. Breakups are the worst. It’s no lie that the moving on period lasts longer than the falling in love part. Throughout my relationship, music connected us. We had playlists for each other, songs for every occasion - dancing, cooking, or simply being happy. I like that music was the last thing that allowed us to say goodbye.