iCoach Issue 20: ILLUSION by iCoachNetwork

IN THIS ISSUE... COVER STORY: Losing An Illusion Makes You Wiser Than Finding A Truth ... Amir Karkouti

Through The Eyes of Truth ... Marilyn Rodriguez

It’s Just A Story ... Stacy Nelson

The Misuse of Imagination ... Karen Davis

Do You See Truth Or Illusion When You Look in The Mirror?? ... Donna Higton

Listen To Your Truth ... Heather Doyle Fraser

We Are Not Connected ... Mark Silverman

Remember Your Magic ... Cordelia Brabbs

Bubble of Illusion ... Jamie Siv Rognstad

Gasp! Unfamiliar Panties in the Laundry! ... Star Staubach

A couple of FYI’s... Yes, it’s the small print! First off - none of the articles in this magazine, including the cover, were paid for. This is not and will never be a Pay-To-Pay because I am dedicated to supporting our membership first by promoting their awesomeness and to our readership second by delivering the best content we can. The advertisements on the other hand are either paid for by our sponsors or are affiliate links that will help offset the expense of publishing this monthly Magazine so we can keep it as free and easily distributable. If you have any comments or concerns, please contact our team at Info@iCoachNetwork.com

Seeing Together Illusion... you’ve got to be kidding me Amir? I’ve never received so many messages from our authors that they had no idea what to write but it’s so fitting for his cover issue. I remember when I first met Amir. Rich Litvin suggested that we connect and when we found out we lived nearby we decided to meet for lunch. I loved him right away as we dug into our Mexican lunch. He was smart, charming and I loved the depth of our conversation. We started talking about my magazine and he told me about the magazine he used to publish, and about his books and his restaurants and of course the progression of his coaching practice. Then he did it... as we were walking out he rushes over to his trunk and pulls out a copy of his book ‘Do Nothing To Get Everything’. In that moment I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to partner up with him this year on the magazine. I knew he’d bring a richness to my life and to the pages you are now reading. I think you’ll agree that it was the absolute right call. Each and every month he blows me away with how his mind works in the black and white space of the written world, how his intuitive flow state shows the potentiality of all men when they become masters of their inner world. Plus he’s hella funny. If I can make one recommendation to you, the coach reading this, go pick up a copy of his recent book “Lessons From My Coach: Become an Extraordinary Coach“ and your practice and self will change. It’s an honor to have this man on the journey with me... With Love & Light

Stacy Nelson, Founder iCoachNetwork.com

www.iCoachNetwork.com

“As long as you know that it’s just a thought in the moment… No depth of water will faze you”

LOSING AN ILLUSION MAKES YOU WISER THAN FINDING A TRUTH

“If you are looking for ways to get closer to shore because you think it’s going to be less scary there, you may be doing the wrong thing.”

“Losing an Illusion Makes You Wiser Than Finding a Truth”  ~ Ludwig Borne Take a look at the image above. Imagine the stick figure at 10,000 feet of water, trying to swim down to 5 feet of water. Imagine if you asked them, “Why?”, and they said to you…

“I want to swim in 5 feet of water because the less ocean I have below me, the safer I feel.” Most coaches and therapists agree with this idea, and will provide solutions to this seemingly blatant problem. Obviously, the less water below you, the safer you will be. Is this really the case? I have clients say things like this to me: “Can you show me how I can remove stressful things from my life, so I can live a more peaceful life?” “I want to have less problems in my life so I can feel better.” “I want to have less acne on my face so I can feel more confident.” “I want to have less debt in my life so I can have a better feeling of security.” So far… all of this makes sense. Most coaches and therapists agree to this. They provide solutions to create fewer problems for their clients; so they can have more confidence, no stress, a sense of well-being, and a sense of security. It makes sense, but there is one problem. Stress, confidence, well-being, and security DO NOT COME FROM ANYTHING OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF! As counterintuitive as this may seem, feelings are created moment-to-moment in your thinking. That’s why traffic can feel like Hell one day, and feel okay the next; even if there is the same amount of traffic both days.

That’s why some days you feel like you’re the richest person in the world and other days you’ll feel like you haven’t done enough; even if the bank account looks the same. That’s why some days you have low self-esteem and on the same day your self-esteem can go from zero to hero; even though you haven’t changed a thing! In other words, if you are looking for ways to get closer to shore because you think it’s going to be less scary there, you may be doing the wrong thing. What if you realized that AS LONG AS YOU KNOW HOW TO SWIM… it doesn’t really matter how deep the water gets? Now, unlike swimming, your natural state is that you have innate well-being; a sense of security and a high self-esteem. It takes an idiotic THOUGHT that we decide to engage in, to change all of that! That’s right, just an itty-bitty little thought in that moment that you decide to engage in, that can change everything to what may seem like Hell. As soon as you realize it’s just one thought out of 70,000 that you will have today, and that your thoughts don’t hold much weight outside of your engagement with them… You can be in 10,000 feet of water and it won’t make a difference! As long as you remind yourself that you do, in fact, know how to swim. As long as you remind yourself that it’s not the event that is causing your feeling but the thought in that moment, there is nothing more you need to do, other than to become aware of it. 4

Ta k e a l o o k a t t h e p i c t u r e a b o v e .  Ya the stick figure thing that I drew.

ents that they’ve never lost their true idea of themselves and to stop searching for them.

If the guy in the drawing knew that as long as he continues to swim, there would be no reason to be afraid… no matter the depth of the water. The only way he can scare himself is if he thinks the 10,000 feet of water can have an effect on him, different than a depth of 5 feet of water. The reality is, I’ve been in waters deeper than that, and the only reason I didn’t panic is because I reminded myself… As long as I know how to swim, it won’t matter. So with the same respect to swimming… As long as you know that your make the 10,000 feet of water whether it’s in your relationship, health, wealth, or self-esteem… those thoughts to shut-up!

thoughts can seem scary, job, personal you can tell

As long as you know that it’s just a thought in the moment… No depth of water will faze you, whether it be 5 feet or 10,000 feet. This is the beautiful illusion of life… Amir Karkouti realized that coaching is similar to what he does for his father at least twice a month. Every once in a while, Amir’s father spends at least 10 minutes looking for his glasses. He looks and looks and looks, and I show up and remind him that it’s been on his head the whole time. My job as a coach is to remind you how amazing, brilliant and special you are. At times we can feel like we’ve lost those qualities. I get the pleasure of reminding my cli5

“One empowering belief can ripple through your life and create miracles.”

THROUGH THE EYES OF TRUTH You see what you want to see.

“The divine plan can come to pass when you let go of control and the limiting beliefs you have been buying into.”

Life is a mirror image of what you choose to see, think and feel. Your beliefs conduct your life. For example, if you believe that you have to get everything done now because you’ll run out of time, you are going to feel overwhelmed. Believing that you have to get everything done now and believing that you’ll run out of time are made up. They are beliefs based on outside influences and experiences that you have internalized and made real. The problem is that most people buy into their beliefs. The beliefs feel real so it becomes challenging to consider anything else outside of their box of beliefs. Many people will defend their beliefs and take a stand for them, making excuses and going in circles as to why those beliefs are valid. I often witness in conversations with clients the derailing process. If I sit silently long enough, the excuses will eventually derail because they are not sustainable. They are not real. Most beliefs people carry are simply not true. Yet, the beliefs are so charged with emotion and cumulative energy that they feel tangible. Just look around your life and you’ll see what you believe. I used to believe that I was not supported. As a result, many people in my life showed up in a non-supportive way. In some cases, 6

they didn’t show up at all. I was in a downward spiral of feeling alone and unsupported. I spent a lot of energy trying to keep it all together and my physical body was slowly depleting. The belief that I was not supported created a lot of challenges in my life.

My favorite question begins with “What if?” Those two words can change everything. What if I can slow down and only do what I want to do because it makes me happy instead of doing what I think I should do? What would that be like?

Finally, I decided to play with the thought that I was supported and asked myself “What if I could have all of the support I wanted and needed? What would that feel and look like?” There was no overnight and miraculous light bulb moment for me. Instead, I began to notice where I was feeling depleted, unsupported and frustrated. Those were the clues to the areas in my life where I needed and wanted support.

I witness clients consistently “breaking the rules”. What they are really doing is buying into new beliefs. Such as beliefs that they can have what they want and BE who they are meant to be. Or be loved and powerful. That they can let go of everything they are juggling and be with one thing at a time so that there is more space to create what is for their highest good and in their divine plan.

After that, I took the risk of hiring support in those areas that took me out of my highest vibration. It felt risky because I had never delegated pieces of my life before and yet I knew that if I didn’t do it, I would continue in the downward spiral.

The divine plan can come to pass when you let go of control and the limiting beliefs you have been buying into. When you are in the vibration of your divine plan, all you have to do is show up. The most difficult piece is slowing down and being with everything wonderful that shows up for you. Instead of feeling like you have so much to juggle, you’ll feel excited to dive in. There will be no sense of urgency because urgency again, is a limiting belief. There is plenty of time for you and everything you want to do when you buy into that belief.

One limiting belief was rippling through my entire life and negatively impacting me on many levels. One empowering belief can ripple through your life and create miracles. Your beliefs either empower you or diminish you. If you feel like you have to keep it all together, then you can count on the fact that you are being dominated by a limiting belief. A limiting belief is a belief that keeps you from expanding and living your life in the most fulfilling way. It feels constricting and it drains your energy and your life. B e l i e f s e i t h e r h e l p y o u o r h u r t y o u .  When you buy into a belief that empowers you and creates more possibilities, you feel relaxed and released from stress and overwhelm. Impossibilities suddenly become possible.

Instead of buying into “reality”. Buy into what YOU would rather have. Buy into the reality YOU would LOVE to CREATE. Instead of buying into what “should” be done or how things “should” be or typically are, buy into the idea of creating your life the way you want it doing what you love most. Buy into creating life your way. Soul driven and drenched in your deepest truth. Marilyn Rodriguez is “The Soul Compass Rose Coach” specializing in guiding thought leaders 7

and visionaries to their TRUE purpose. She has shared the virtual stage with Marianne Williamson, Lisa Nichols and Marci Shimoff as well as other spiritual leaders. A third generation healer, Marilyn discovered her gifts at an early age and continues to transform lives with her gifts. Marilyn is available for one-on-one transformational soul compass rose coaching by application, media interviews and speaking engagements. For more information, contact Marilyn Rodriguez at

marilyn@themarilynrodriguez.com or 256-2589357.

“How can I truly succeed w i t h o u t re l e a s i n g t h e story?”

IT’S JUST A STORY “What got you here won’t get you there.” my coach says to me. I have no idea what he’s talking about. I mean if I’m achieving greater and greater levels of success why wouldn’t I just keep doing what I’m doing?

“I need to release the illusion if I want to continue on the path. I must recognize it as unnecessary anymore.”

My Secret Success Strategy. As a child, doing & learning things was always easy for me which made me stand out, but not in a great way. Sitting in the classroom counting to 100 while my fellow kindergartners could barely make it to 10. I remember my teacher actually turning away to help other kids while I sat in the testing chair counting. 31, 32, 33. The other kids had already finished and were dismissed for recess while I sat there counting. 75, 76, 77. The teacher barely pretending to care that I was still going while she pointed to the fingers of the boy sitting next to me, 2, 3, 4 while I hit 101, 102. Finally she looks at me exasperated, asking why I was still counting? I did fine, now just go play. By the time I made it outside, the other kids had been playing for a while and the bell rang, calling us inside.

I remember feeling odd, like an outsider. I certainly didn’t get the loving attention from the teacher and in fact she paid more attention to the kids who were struggling. And I didn’t get to play with my friends, I didn’t feel included while they were learning rudimentary things while I was pulling down Agatha Christie novels and new age books from my Grandmother’s bookshelves. Fast forward to the teenage years where gossiping was how the girls communicated. If you didn’t have problems to talk about you were shunned for something juicier, who broke up with whom, who wore their skirt all wrong. To fit in you needed flaws. So I had a strategy for fitting in and getting love or even just being liked... never succeed greatly. If I succeed I will lose everyone I care about and no one will like me. And because succeeding at things was so very easy for me, I had to work at failing. If things started to come together I would find a way to wreck it. I sought out failure. Which was the very thing that made me a natural Entrepreneur. For taking risks is a requirement to entrepreneurial pursuits. I didn’t fear failing. I could start a new business every day without me thinking twice about it. I’d rush in without second thoughts or fear. For failing was the very thing I was seeking. It’s the very reason I’m where I’m at in my business. And it’s the very reason why I won’t get any further. For how can I truly succeed without releasing the story.

If I succeed I will lose everyone I care about and no one will like me. I showed up to a weekend long event early and had an amazing spa day with my friends. I have never done something so indulgent for myself. Feeling wealthy and pampered and abundant, I walked into the intensive that evening, keenly aware of how powerful and calm I had become internally. I was the coach that last year I didn't think I could become. As Saturday slid by with people coming up to me to tell me how my magazine or my emails or my Facebook posts had made huge impacts in their lives I was noticing that trend even more. And then I sat down to dinner and shared my journey with some other coaches. My story was of the struggles and of the successes, of where I had been to where I am now, the coach who is killing it in her business, the one who has grown into levels of mastery I once admired in others. This time last year I was a whisper. Now I'm a powerful mother fucker. It happened so slowly and organically I hadn't really realized it. And then Sunday began. No coffee. Little sleep. I was crossing the street and was run over by this huge emotional semi truck labeled "Success Strategy". Insecurity. Guilt. Feeling like an outsider. Stories in my head that were so ridiculous that the frustration with myself kept coming up in tears.

I saw a few of my friends talking about their shopping trip I hadn’t gone on thinking that they purposely didn’t invite me, that they no longer could relate to me and my expansion (the same friends I had just spent the day with at the spa who are my biggest supporters and fans).

OR I could choose to see it for what it was - a slight contraction after the expansion. A moment of feeling into a new way of being.

I completely and totally made up stories about how I no longer fit in because I was triggered... I had finally noticed that I was doing the unthinkable - succeeding.

I had to create a new strategy for succeeding into a new level. My old success strategy allowed me to fail so well that I ended up on the very path of purpose I found myself on here.

I felt insane... everything is going better than okay - things are going AMAZING. The most important part is the internal shifts that I have made, at how clear and strong I feel as a woman. And here I am having a complete and total meltdown over how successful I have become.

And I need to release the illusion if I want to continue on the path. I must recognize it as unnecessary anymore. I don’t need it to survive or to fit in. I don’t need to pretend that things are wrong so I have something to gossip about. I don’t need to be smaller to have friends or fit in.

Surrounded by fluffy hotel pillows, a diet coke, left over saki and a pile of toilet paper, I cried. I cried because I knew exactly what was happening. Because I had heard the story in my head my whole life. If I succeed I will lose everyone I care about and no one will like me. I was experiencing the other side of expansion and I did NOT like my response. I realized I had a choice in that moment. I could choose to believe the illusion, to believe the story. I could easily fail epically and start over with something else. I could walk away. Most importantly, I could choose to believe my meltdown was real.

I chose to recognize my story as bull shit. What got me here won’t get me there.

My friends love me more and more the bigger I become. I can reach my upper limit of happiness and success and not react by shrinking but instead can break through. If I could pinpoint one coaching session that changed everything, this was the one. The question that made a quantum leap possible. 15 months into coaching, internal path worked on heavily, this was the tipping point... What got you here won’t get you there. Time to rewrite my story for it is simply that, a story. Stacy Nelson is the Founder of iCoach Network, an International circle of life coaches coming together to support and inspire each other on a daily basis. Stacy also publishes this monthly digital magazine for iCoach Network, highlighting the fabulous coaches within the network. 11

Specifically she is a Coach & Trainer helping intuitive entrepreneurs to build their businesses with their hearts and tap into their authentic purpose. This month she is opening up a program for POWERFUL MEN wanting to build their coaching practices by calling him into a deeper spiritual connection, to build a legacy with his business with more flow, less force, intuitively and slower... Less DO More whole-self success More mastery of their skills as a coach More vulnerability More connecting at deep levels More purpose and meaning...

“when we don’t understand something or we are experiencing fear, we make up in our minds what it means.”

THE MISUSE OF IMAGINATION

“You do have control over your own reality. After all, we do have choices about how we interpret our thoughts in each and every moment.”

This month’s theme of illusion had my mind spinning in so many different directions. As I began to ponder what value I might offer, I was reminded of my favorite amusement park ride back when I was a kid, The Rotor. Assuming that you were as tall as the ubiquitous plywood clown, you would step into a large upright barrel with a group of other people and stand excitedly side-by-side against the circular wall. As its name suggested, the ride would then begin to rotate. Once the barrel had attained full speed, a stomach-churning 33 revolutions per minute, the anticipation would build yet more. And then, flashing the best smile five teeth can muster, the ride operator would hit a button and the floor would abruptly drop out beneath you, leaving all the riders stuck to the wall of the barrel like glue. There we were looking across at each other in the rickety drum suspended in air, stuck to the wall with a look of utter bewilderment on our faces. As a kid, I didn’t understand the properties of centrifugal force and I remember wondering whether or not the floor really did drop out or if I was experiencing some kind of illusion.

Oftentimes, when we don’t understand something or we are experiencing fear, we make up in our minds what it means. I know there have been times in my life when I have created considerably more stress than necessary because I was desperately trying to fill in the blanks. I would search outside myself for that elusive person who was responsible for my challenges. I fabricated in my mind elaborate stories about what the other person might be thinking or have said – most times, a complete illusion. Our minds like to play tricks on us and the fact is, most of the stress in our lives is often created by the misuse of our own imagination. While I can’t say that your imagination won’t on occasion play tricks on you and make you fear the worst, I do have a few tricks that I rely on myself that help me remain grounded in reality and always stay open-hearted. It’s a daily practice for me and, as a coach, of the utmost importance. I’ll gladly share those secrets with you now. Slow Down We are all moving at a million miles an hour – with the constant backdrop of chatter in our minds – absently looking down at our phones as we move from place to place. It doesn’t matter whether we are walking, driving or in the presence of friends and loved ones, we are constantly preoccupied with something other than the present moment. Admittedly, I’m guilty of this behavior from time-to-time even though I know it does not serve me. Here’s one way to help make sure you’re present when you’re out with friends. It’s a game called “The Phone Stack” or, more colloquially, “Don’t Be a Di*k When You Dine with Friends.” At the beginning of the meal (or drinks), everyone is

obliged to place their cell phone face down in the center of the table. The rules of the game are simple. The first one to pick up his or her phone, for any reason, has to pick up the tab for everyone. It’s amazing how much more you will be present and in touch with reality when you’re actually “in the moment” and give your loved ones your undivided attention. Even when you’re by yourself, it’s important to slow down as well. Look up and look around, notice the leaves falling from the trees and feel the breeze in the air. Take a walk – without your music for a change. Listen to all the noises that are near you – really tune into them. Feel your body open and close with each breath. Name your emotions and acknowledge them. Become the observer of yourself and as you do, slow every frame down. Take a deep breath. Hesitate to Meditate Rarely do we believe we are responsible for our own reality. But I believe our thoughts and perceptions in fact create our reality. Our stress and emotional pain are created on the inside, not the outside. Meditation allows me to connect and awaken the deepest part of my soul. Just spending ten minutes at the beginning and end of each day makes a huge difference in how I perceive that day’s events. If you’re a novice at mediation, oftentimes, guided mediations such as Holosync are a wonderful way to start. Yoga and Exercise Without a doubt, there’s a definite mind-body connection and several studies have repeatedly shown that exercise reduces stress and anxiety. The endorphins created through exercise move 14

us into a more relaxed state of mind. Better yet, it feels good. Personally, I enjoy interval training where I raise my heart rate for three minutes and then bring it down and repeat for 25 minutes. In the wintertime, I can get on my tele-skis and last about three minutes before I have to bring my heart rate back down. My Shaman has shared a new practice – five-minutes of yoga moves and stretches before bed each night. I find that it moves my body back into alignment. Sit Back and Enjoy the Ride While breaking the cycle of going at breakneck speed, practicing meditation, doing yoga and regularly exercising can’t necessarily guarantee that your mind won’t manufacture some undue stress here and there, it will get you much more in touch with what you’re truly feeling – because you actually WILL be taking the time to feel. You’ll also be far more cognizant of the fact that you do

have control over your own reality. After all, we do have choices about how we interpret our thoughts in each and every moment. And, as you begin to enjoy more and more of those moments, you just might find that going around and around and around on this world is a ride you don’t ever want to get off. Karen Davis is a certified Ontological Executive Coach working with clients nationally and internationally. She provides one-on-one deep coaching services with high-performing executives, entrepreneurs, business professionals, and coaches who are committed to their success, ready to uncover their hidden potential and make their own unique difference in the world. Karen is also the creator and founder of Mastermind 21™ – The Leadership Exchange. You can reach Karen for a powerful conversation at: 303.665.4301 or learn more by visiting, www.karendaviscoaching.com

DO YOU SEE TRUTH OR ILLUSION WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR?

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see truth or do you see illusion?

criticize our client numbers, income, even how we coach.

Do you see the greasy hair, the “fat” thighs, the uneven teeth, the wonky eyebrow, the black bags under your eyes; do your eagle eyes spot every flaw, imperfection and age line?

And perhaps too, you are fooled by the illusion that you are less than perfect, less than stunningly gorgeous, less than wildly radiant, less than a sublime and glorious slice of wonder. Perhaps you are confused by the misimpression that your flaws make you less than complete, or your butt is too big, or your hair isn’t pouffy enough.

Or do you see the radiance, the magnificence, the awe-inspiring glorious potential of wondrous human being that you are? Yes, you. As coaches, we hold that truth up for our clients. We believe when they cannot. We see their capability when they doubt. We can feel how brightly their light would shine if they could only see the truth of who they truly are through the illusion. But we too get fooled by those damn illusions – when we compare ourselves with others, when we judge our business by what we think it should look like, when we follow yet another business growth “must-do” that feels icky to us, when we

Of course, we all have flaws. That too is truth. Illusion distorts that truth by turning them into something to be ashamed of, something to criticize, judge and condemn. Truth is that those flaws are part of who we are – key ingredients in our cosmic recipe. Many of those flaws become our strongest teachers and best characteristics. For example, shy can become sensitive and empathetic; stubborn can become tenacious and determined; short tempered can become direct, with strong boundaries. Everything you see (and don’t like) in the mirror can be one of your most

defining qualities and beautiful features. That’s truth. Illusion makes everything imperfect, flawed, broken, wrong. Truth sees the perfection in what is. The unique, beautiful collection of idiosyncrasies and gorgeous features that make up the wonderful human being. I’d love to say that when I look in the mirror, I see only the magnificent being of light and joy that I am. But I don’t. I see a slightly overweight woman with pen on her face and hair that desperately needs a brush. Those are the first three things I see when I look in the mirror. Not the depth of my heart, the promise of my soul, the world-changing potential of my creative genius (honestly, I winced even writing that).

Because I’ve believed in the illusion for years. But now I can see it is an illusion. I’ve peeked behind the curtain. I saw the trickster and I see truth shining through the cracks of the illusion. I am pure magnificence, light, joy, wonder, power and possibility. And so are you.

Donna, better known as “Donnaonthebeach” helps women who KNOW there is more to life to fall in love with their lives, and make their Dreams a Reality along the way. In September she released her new book “Fall In Love With Life” – to find out more about her, her writing, and the next project she’ll be diving into, go to http://www.donnaonthebeach.com

LISTEN TO YOUR TRUTH

sonal truth – and it is different for everyone, but it is illuminated with inner wisdom and heart. What does illusion look like? For me and many of my clients, it is cloaked in what appears to be a logical and rational truth. On face value, what we perceive that we cannot or should not do in our lives comes from a rational, logical place. And it’s tough to argue a different perspective with that rational, logical voice hammering “the truth”into your head. But, when we are talking about illusions, the appearance is always a deception, because that rational, logical place also holds a lot of fear. Fear that provides excuses and reasons for why we can’t accomplish what we’d like to; fear that enumerates the many ways a reality that we have imagined can only be a dream that will never come to pass. I reject this illusion. However, I have been and still do become cowed and worn down at times by that logical, rational, fearful place and our culture’s version of what a successful reality looks like. If the illusion is cloaked in fear masquerading as truth, what does the reality look like? The reality is your per-

The hard part is that we need to be willing to look for the reality we want to create: see it, feel it, experience it and revel in it. That’s a lot of willingness amidst a fearful, logical mind whispering disastrous outcomes if you follow your inner wisdom and heart. But how do you ignore all the illusory chatter? The key is, in fact, not ignoring it, but navigating it. The key is to be willing to move forward through the illusion with all of the chatter bombarding you and trying to dissuade you. You navigate the illusion by walking towards the reality you want to create for yourself —in confidence or haltingly. How you make it through doesn’t really matter. The point is to keep moving through the illusion to reach that reality you want to create for yourself. And that reality – the one you desperately want to create – you will know when it is connected fully to your inner wisdom and heart if you can look at it and feel it as home. When what you have dreamed to create is connected to your highest values, you cannot be dissuaded or convinced of anything but its eventual reality. It is not an illusion. The illusion lives between now and the vision becoming your reality. We need not be 18

fooled, even in the presence of logical, rational, and fearful arguments. Breaking Free of the Illusion When my clients or I feel pulled by the illusion, I create a space for myself where I can see the reality I want to pursue by using these simple techniques: 1. When a feeling of fear, tension, or discontent comes through: STOP, BREATHE deeply, and LISTEN to your inner wisdom. 2. Connect with what is important to you: What do you stand for? What do you want to bring to the world? Will this vision of your reality allow you to be the highest version of yourself and bring your most bountiful gifts to those around you and yourself? 3. Lean in to the fear and take even the smallest step towards the reality you want to create for yourself.

Heather Doyle Fraser is a Transformational Life Coach and founder/owner of Beyond Change, LLC. She is also a writer, editor, musician and general creative. As a coach, Heather works with highly intuitive and successful people who are looking to take their lives to the next level. Her mission is to bring joy, transformation, ease, and abundance to everyone she touches. Heather helps her clients see possibility, potential, and opportunity; she helps her clients create lasting transformation in their perception and perspective â&#x20AC;&#x201D;how they view life and their place in it. She holds the space for her clients as they move toward and acknowledge their inherent greatness while achieving their goals and vision for an extraordinary life. Heatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s purpose and passion is to inspire joy and transformation and give people the knowledge, skills, and strategies to live their most authentic and fulfilled lives. If you would like to learn more about coaching or contact Heather, please visit her website atwww.beyondchangecoach.com or connect with her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/beyondchangecoach or Twitter @hdoylefraser.

WE ARE NOT CONNECTED

We are disconnected. Disconnected from each other, from ourselves, from spirit. il-lu-sion noun \i-lu-zhen\ a thing that is wrongly perceived or interpreted by the senses I want to prove something to you. I wonder if I have the words. I want to shout it at you, drag it out of you. I will not let you rest until you agree with me. I have taken to the keyboard in the vain hope that I can achieve my mission. To prove…..

Have I lost you? You just read that, so no, you must still be with me. I love you. Why did I just type that? Where the heck did that come from? Because I am selfish, that’s why. I desperately want you to see we are connected. You and I are standing on a bridge… the same bridge and you don’t see me. I want you to see me. I want to know we are together. I am jumping up and down, waving my hands trying to get your attention. I feel alone, you think you’re alone, but I’m right here. You just need to look. We are not alone.

You and I are connected. That we are not is a lie. You are connected to your deeper self. Don’t feel it? It’s still a lie. You are connected to something greater. Call it Spirit, Call it G-d, Call it Universal Consciousness, Heck, call it the Quantum Field. Whatever! You are connected to it and any belief otherwise is W-R-O-N-G, wrong.

il-lu-sion noun \i-lu-zhen\ a false idea or belief, based on something that is not true You are connected to yourself. Yes, you are. Just because you walk around all day in your head, reacting to traffic, bosses or just trying to get things done, does not mean the circuit isn’t closed. It is why meditation is so popular. It is why we feel so good when we walk in the woods. The noise quiets, we are free from our distraction and we notice ourselves. We don’t make the con20

nection then, it is already there. Always has been. It just lights up when we pay attention to it. il-lu-sion noun \i-lu-zhen\ mirage, hallucination, delusion, distortion And yes, you are connected with a capital “C.” I cannot say it any better than Michael Singer. “Your relationship with God (Spirit, The Infinite) is the same as your relationship with the sun. If you hid from the sun for years and then chose to come out of your darkness, the sun would still be shining as if you had never left. You don’t need to apologize. You just pick your head up and look at the sun. It’s the same way when you decide to turn toward God—you just do it.” - The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself Nuff Said! Now I did not say these big fat lies don’t feel real. Oh, I feel disconnected way more than I would like. Get me into a political debate, and all connections get covered in Opinion, Rightness, Judgment and Emotion. Throw in a little fear and I can barely have a conversation. Homeless person – “Thank G-d that’s not me, must be drugs.” You have a terminal illness – “You must have consumed too much GMO laced Coke.” Don’t believe in a social safety net – “You heartless loser.” Nobody called me when I was sick – “People are so self centered and only care about themselves” I often use the illusion of separateness to protect myself. Sometimes, “there but for the Grace of Gd, go I” is just too damn scary to admit. Sometimes, it is a belief or a world view I am protect-

ing. It all comes down to fear. I am afraid to reach out, that I may be rejected. I am afraid to listen to your position, to find out mine might not be completely right. If that can happen to them, it can happen to me. But when I let go of that fear. When the veil of separateness lifts. Through a heartfelt question, through generosity, or extending my hand, I reveal the connection that has always been there. The tears of forgiveness are tears of relief. It is recognition of the bond that I had momentarily forgotten. “To Thine own self be true.” Written on a coin and given to every newly sober Alcoholic, nothing could have been more horrifying to me. “Self?” What the hell is a “Self”? I knew I liked Drugs, Sex and Chocolate Chip Cookies… that was about the extent of my “self”. It took years of work. It was an excavation project worthy of uncovering a new dinosaur. The backhoe dug out an authentic “like” here and “want” there. The shovel unearthed a heart that cared. And now, as I work with the brush, I sweep the dust from shiny, pristine and beautiful soul. Was this soul created? Did it just appear? Not in my experience. It was always there. I was always…. here. I just needed to be uncovered. con·nec·tion noun \kə-ˈnek-shən\ a situation in which two or more things have the same cause or origin So what now? I like this, I don’t like that, I want, I need and on and on…. Is that all there is to know to be happy, connected and fulfilled? Again, not in my experience. I love having wants, likes, and

desires. I love saying Yes and No, setting boundaries and choosing. But even this connection to my “self” hides a greater, even more profound, truth. Setting aside the brush, I use a breath to uncover the details at the heart of this archeological dig. As I blow the fine particles away a vast and deep discovery reveals itself. This beautiful unique being is truly connected to the unfathomable. The connection is at once a delicate trickle and at the same time, an infinite ocean. When the mind quiets, the whisper of this reality is undeniable. It is as real as this keyboard under my fingers and as visible as the page in front of me. The “Sun” of life is always shining, and I need only lift my gaze to it. The next time you open an inspirational video on Facebook depicting an underdog triumph in a talent contest or a string of kindness deemed extraordinary, contemplate your experience. What is really happening inside? Flashback: A very plain middle-aged woman walks out on a stage in front of what seems like the whole world. Immediately the panel and the audience snicker (separate themselves). “I want to be a professional singer ….” Nervous Laughter, Oh G-d she’s going to humiliate herself (fear). She opens her mouth, she soars (our beliefs shattered), we cheer (relief), we cry (inspired/ hopeful) and she connects to our soul. But weren’t we connected from the moment she walked out on stage?

was there when I started. You may not, but to me, our bond is real, touchable, and knowable. I have shattered my own illusion. So now I end this love letter with a whispered wish. That you consider my discoveries, not as truth, but as possibilities. Explore, experiment, open yourself up and find out what is there. Forgive and find a gift. Reach out, and observe the response. Get quiet, listen, turn your face to the sun and know for yourself as the illusion gives way to a beautiful reality. Mark has generated over $90 Million in sales and received numerous awards over his 15 Year Career at Fast Moving, Fast Growing Companies like NetApp, VMware and EMC. He has lead teams to work with CEO’s, Management and Front Line stakeholders to bring mutual success and close multimillion deals. His dedication to the success of all involved through leadership, coaching, and mentorship was the training ground for his passion to support others to achieve their goals. Mark is not a Coach or a Consultant, although he has Coaching and Consulting Clients. Every engagement is unique. The common thread is a leap forward towards the intended result. M a r k J . S i l v e r m a n a n d A s s o c i a t e s .  www.markjsilverman.com

I started this article shouting. I wanted your attention. I wanted to wash away the illusions and connect with you. I felt disconnected. Revealing myself with these words, I feel the connection. It 22

REMEMBER YOUR MAGIC

I’ve spent most of my life resenting reality. Or at least, what I’d been told was reality. “Stop daydreaming, live in the real world.”  “ G e t y o u r h e a d o u t o f t h e c l o u d s ” .  “Face up to reality.” Reality didn’t seem all that good a deal to me. It seemed to go hand in hand with words like ‘harsh’, ‘cruel’, and ‘tough’. I don’t ever remember hearing anything about the ‘real world’ being ‘wonderful’, ‘safe’ ‘kind’ or ‘magical’. As a little girl I would sit in the wizened old apple tree at the bottom of our English country garden reading Enid Blyton’s books. Not the Famous Five or Mallory Towers. I had no interest in anything that too closely resembled ‘reality’. I dove into the world of magic, immersing myself in the tales of the Faraway Tree, with fairies, pixies, magical lands and trees that whispered ‘wisha, wisha, wisha’.

A few years later the movie Labyrinth came out. I desperately wanted to be Sarah, wending her way to the Goblin city, and overcoming challenges to rescue her baby brother. Still I was bombarded with those commands: “Grow up, live in the real world.” And so finally, I did. I grew up, I shut down and I forgot who I really was. I stopped believing in magic, and bought into the illusion of ‘reality’. I swallowed the lies of suffering, scarcity, pain and unhappiness. I struggled in the ‘real’ world. Being sent away to boarding school broke my heart – I still remember the moment my dad told me, and I felt like my idyllic world in the sanctuary of our lovely house and magical garden had came crashing down. It didn’t feel like a brave quest, like Sarah’s. And it certainly wasn’t some Harry Potter wonder world of chocolate frogs and Quidditch. It was a tooth-and-claw bitch-fest of hormonal teenage girls and depressingly unglamorous 23

Quaker house mistresses. Who all seemed to have chronic body odor and/or hairy warts on their faces (so maybe not that far removed from the Goblin City after all). My connection to my magic grew even more distant, and I got sucked deeper into the illusion. After a Gap Year traveling in Australia (which has its own story of heartbreak and struggle), the next twist of reality – University – ended up with me having a breakdown and spending a year dosed up on Prozac. After that came the clincher – working life in London. I did my best to escape reality, using alcohol as a crutch to handle the stress of a highpressure journalism job. I remember one day sitting on the end of my bed, feeling utterly lost, alone, and desperate. I felt the unmistakable sensation of someone wrapping their arms – or wings? – gently round me and comforting me. I knew I was going to be OK. And that was the moment when the illusion began to crack, and my magic ever so softly seeped back in. I quit my job. I quit London. I quit ‘reality’.

Now, that little girl in the apple tree has come full circle. She’s conquered her inner goblins, and has come out the other side of the Labyrinth strong in her magic and continuing to shatter lies, illusions and old paradigms – not just for herself, but for others too. And now she sees life as see always wanted to – as she always knew it was meant to be. Wonderful, safe, kind…and full of magic. Cordelia Francesca Brabbs is a Magical Badass and Miracles Mentor, who helps women remember their magic, reclaim their power and stop settling for less than their biggest dreams and desires. She believes in transcending old paradigms and creating a unique life on your own terms. Cordelia is renowned for helping her clients clear the deepest fears, wounds and limiting patterns that they have been programmed with for lifetimes, and energetically rewires and recodes them to live their most joyful purpose, freedom and prosperity. She has run her online healing business from amazing places around the world, and is now inviting clients to join her on transformational retreats in Glastonbury, Hawaii, France and the Bahamas.

I remembered my magic and I changed my life. I finally saw ‘reality’ for what it really is – an illusion designed to enslave and disempower us. To make us forget, to give up, to become lost in the Labyrinth of rules about how you should or shouldn’t live. Of who you should or shouldn’t be.

She’s the author of Goddess Power Pack, cofounder of Women for Whales, and a believer in Unicorns, Fairies, and all things magical. She no longer crushes on David Bowie as the Goblin King (now it’s just Aragorn).

So I told reality to go fuck itself.

BUBBLE OF ILLUSION

I was thinking about life’s illusions as I walked to work this morning. The bubbles we place ourselves in. Lately I have had a number of potential clients telling me how bad they feel about themselves, their life and how useless they feel. They are talking about low self-esteem, low selfworth and how this affects their daily life. When I talk to them, when I look at them, I see resourceful, brilliant people, loaded with gifts and talents. However, not so long ago, I was there too. I was so used to my illusion, it was what I believed to be reality. In a bizarre way, I knew I was skilled, but I felt stupid. I had years and years of education, but still didn’t think I was skilled enough to teach. My boss appreciating my work didn’t help much either. This contradiction clouded many decisions in my life. After a series of bad decisions and failed projects, I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I needed to grow spiritually and mentally, so I started looking for someone who could tell me how. I found a Guru who was more than willing to tell me. It cost a fortune, and I almost lost myself in the process. The problem was that she com-

pletely left me out of the decision about who I am. However, I don’t believe in losing myself. I left. Things were good for a while again. Until I wanted to start my own business. I found another Guru. She was spiritual and knew exactly how to succeed in business. She even had a 10-step program that would do the same for me. It cost a fortune, and this time I didn’t lose myself in the process. But I had to leave that too. It just wasn’t working for me. That is when it dawned on me. I didn’t need other peoples’ systems. I didn’t need anybody to tell me who I am or what I can do. I have come to see very clearly that the Guru was not putting up this illusion, the 10-step program wasn’t an illusion. The fact that we were rich, was not an illusion. The illusion was set up by me, believed by me. We had no money, but we were rich. Now, pulling THAT veil away was a HUGE discovery for me. The illusion that I can’t make it in my business. The illusion that I’m not spiritual enough without a certain practise. The illusion that there is some kind of bubble that will brake. I’m not letting this stop me anymore. We were born spiritually ready with a complete soul containing all the gifts and talents we need, with all the tools we need. It’s 25

just a matter of listening to ourselves and doing what we know in our hearts is right. Jamie Siv works together with her clients on realizing their life purpose by finding their gifts and talents. She uses the powerful tool of Archetypes, which, in a high vibration, contain all the gifts and talents that added up, point at the life purpose. Her webpage and Facebook pages are in Norwegian, however, Google is your friend, so Google translate anything you want to know. The sites will be in English before the summer.â&#x20AC;¨ h t t p : / / j a t i l m e g . n oâ&#x20AC;¨ https://www.facebook.com/jatilmeg.no

GASP! UNFAMILIAR PANTIES IN THE LAUNDRY!

And yet, for a few long seconds, I had created a very different reality in my mind, an illusion. This is not the first time I’ve created this particular illusion. I struggle with a fear of being abandoned. In fact, in the past, I was known to sabotage relationships, allowing me to avoid my fear of being abandoned again. Picture this, your husband just returned from a business trip and he’s going out of town again the following week. While you are doing laundry between trips, you notice an unfamiliar, dainty pair of women’s undies. What do you do? How do you react? What is your next move? Notice what is happening in your body. This was my reality on Monday morning. My mind raced, trying to make sense of not one, but two unfamiliar pairs of women’s underwear. My body went into a state of shock. I couldn’t breathe. Expletives were silently escaping my mouth. In an instant, I saw my family torn apart, a love tossed aside and my worst fear become a reality. And then, my breath returned to it’s normal rhythm. I remembered that we have a 19 year old girl staying with us from Italy. As I shared with him, my husband laughed with me, “I would NEVER do that to our family. I LOVE YOU. YOU are all that I will ever need.” And there it was, MY reality.

I’m not alone, right? You have a trigger, something that keeps you constantly on the edge between reality and your alternative world where your illusion is the norm. You and I both are meaning making machines! We create meaning at every turn, often without accurate information. Meaning is most often created when you’re facing the unknown or an unfamiliar circumstance. As you do, you’re creating from what you already know, with information that is familiar and feels “safe”. You create an illusion and then, you feed it. If you feed it with fear, anger, hurt, resentment and doubt, you create an illusion to match, just as I did with the undies in the laundry. If you feed your illusion with optimism, hope, curiosity, wonder and an element of positivity, then this is the reality you will seek to prove. Somewhere inside of me already existed an illusion that my husband was cheating on me. Somewhere inside of me, I believed it to be a truth. I was simply waiting for the evidence to 27

prove my illusion. Without that initial fear present, I would have taken the laundry out, without a second thought, knowing full well that it belonged to our house guest.

Be playful with your illusions. Make every attempt to prove that those painful ones are a false reality. Make every attempt to feed the healthy illusions until you make them your truth.

What illusions are you feeding? Are you convinced that your mother-in-law is threatened by you? Do you respond to her accordingly? STOP!! Try feeding yourself the illusion that she ADORES you, ok, that may be a bit of a stretch, but at least attempt the illusion that she likes you. Make it a game. See how much evidence you can collect to prove yourself right.

Star Staubach; Chief Transformation Strategist and founder of Ignite Radiance world traveler, rugby player, passionately chasing harmony, Mommy to Gunther, Zariah and Meadow. Star helps you create magic so that you can connect with your sweet spot in life and business.

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