Confronting the Fire Within
F
irefighters know the danger of letting a fire get out of control. They are trained to respond quickly. You, too, must respond quickly to control your anger before it consumes your life.
Proverbs 29:22 warns that
“An angry man stirs up dissension and a hot-tempered man commits many sins.” What are the degrees of anger? Anger is an emotional agitation that occurs when one’s needs or expectations are not met. Like heat, anger has many degrees ranging from mild irritations to explosive reactions. The range of anger includes: 1 Indignation- simmering anger provoked by something unjust or often seen as unjustified. 2 Wrath-burning anger which is accompanied by a desire to seek revenge. 3 Fury-fiery anger so fierce that it seeks to destroy common sense. 4 Rage-blazing anger resulting in a loss of self-control, often to the extreme of severe acting-out and violence. What are the major sources of anger? 1 Hurt- your heart and mind are wounded. Everyone feels an inner need for unconditional love and respect. When you experience rejection or emotional pain of any kind, anger can become a protective wall that keeps people and pain away. 2 Injustice- any of your “rights” can be violated. Everyone has an inner sense of right and wrong, fairness or unfairness, just or unjust. When you perceive that an injustice has occurred against you or others close to you, you may react with anger. If you hold on to the offense, the unresolved anger may breed further anger and resentment which may lead to inappropriate thoughts and behavior. 3 Fear- your future is threatened, and your inner need for security and stability is challenged. You may lose trust in yourself or others which changes how you relate to others in your life. 4 Frustration- your efforts are unsuccessful, thwarted, and you don’t meet your expectations. Your sense of significance may be confused or lost in the clouds of anger. Frustration over unmet expectations of yourself or others is a major source of anger. What are the steps to resolve past anger? Unresolved anger is a bed of hidden coals burning deep wounds into all relationships. Anger is a powerful emotion that robs your heart and mind of peace and steals contentment from your spirit. How is this anger resolved? 1 Realize your anger, admit you have unresolved anger, and openly reveal your anger with a friend, spouse, or counselor. 2 Revisit the source of your anger: Hurt- feeling rejected, betrayed, unloved, ignored Injustice- feeling cheated, wronged, attacked Fearful- feeling threatened, insecure, powerless, out of control
Frustrated- feeling hindered, inferior, controlled, inadequate 3 Release your rights, confess harboring anger or desire to get revenge, and refuse to hold onto your anger How to release present anger. Remember the “ANGER” is one letter short of “DANGER.” Determine the degree of intensity of your anger and whether it is really justified. Decide on an appropriate response and depend on your faith for guidance. Think before you speak and not from unforgiveness. Remain focused on the present issue and avoid past grievances. When you sense a surge of anger, ask “Can I change the situation?” If you can, change it. If you can’t, release it. This Industry Insight was written by Dr. James Adelman, PhD of Tri-County Counseling. Dr. Adelman received his bachelor’s, master’s and Doctor of Philosophy degrees & in psychology & education at the University of Pittsburgh. He worked at Staunton Clinic, Sewickley Valley Hospital, for 34 years before retiring two years ago. He has maintained a private practice in Wexford for 37 years. In addition to individual psychotherapy, he is also trained in marital therapy and is a Certified Diplomate in sex therapy.
North Allegheny | Winter 2012 | incommunitymagazines.com 1