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ANNIE’S MAILBOX
Don’t make a decision you will regret Dear Annie: My spouse and I are in a 40-year same-sex relationship. Seven years ago, we had a legal marriage, but my family refused to recognize it. My brother's wife went so far as to write letters to the local newspaper urging repeal of the law. My youngest sister said, "We were ordered not to deal with you any longer." Needless to say, I ended all relationships that did not accept my new husband. Following retirement, my husband and I moved to another state. I recently heard that my mother is in very poor health. Since I was always the one who helped and organized things in my family, I feel the need to assist. But, Annie, I struggled for 30 years to be able to say "I do." Their lack of recognition makes it hard to have anything to do with them until they first apologize to me and, in particular, to my husband. Should I take the higher road and contact my mother, or hold to the firm ideal that my spouse is more important and I must put him first? — Gay and Proud Son Dear Proud Son: There is no reason this must be a zero-sum game. You already have put your husband first. It doesn't mean you cannot stay in contact with people you love (and who, presumably, still love you) within limited, controlled boundaries. If visiting Mom with your husband is not possible and visiting without him is not acceptable, you do not have to see her. But please call. You may not get another chance, and you shouldn't have any regrets. Dear Annie: I've been married to "Ralph" for 30 years. His hearing has gotten worse, and the TV is so loud that I end up with a headache every night. I have told him this, but he says I'm exaggerating. Yet, in the summer when the windows are open, we have had complaints from the neighbors. Every mention of his hearing ends in a fight. He gets defensive, says he's being picked on and generally acts like a 5-year-old. Our 23-year-old daughter is in the process of relocating, and instead of staying with us, she prefers to sleep on a friend's sofa. Ralph is up late every night watching TV. I use earplugs, but our daughter can't use them or she won't hear her alarm. We even bought him a cordless headphone set for the TV, but he tried it twice and stopped. Even the suggestion of hearing aids sends him into a frenzy of denial. He reads your column. Maybe he'll see himself. — Stressed Out from Loud TV Dear Stressed: Many people are in denial about their hearing loss. It makes them feel old and unhealthy. But it is a common problem — even rock stars have it — and refusing to address it won't make it go away. You might tell Ralph that the longer he waits to deal with his hearing issues the harder it will be to adjust and the more isolated he will become (and the more irritated you will be). If you would provoke an argument by suggesting he check out the American Speech-LanguageHearing Association (asha.org) or the Hearing Loss Association of America (hearingloss.org), leave the information on a piece of paper taped to the TV. Dear Annie: This is in response to "Kansas," who is not interested in sex with his wife because she has gained 100 pounds. My type-A husband also withheld sex from me because of my weight gain. I told him my weight was the only thing about me that he could not control. When he backed off and accepted me as I was (for better or worse), our marriage was much better, and our sex life improved greatly. I even started losing weight when I felt he loved me for the person I am instead of how I look. — Just Sayin' Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.
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HINTS FROM HELOISE
Bags need a recycling home. Can you help? Dear Heloise: It gets very cold here, so to defray the cost of heating oil, I have a pellet stove. The stove is wonderful and environmentally friendly, so that’s a big plus. The pellets come in 40-pound bags of heavy plastic labeled number 4 (recycle triangle symbol — Heloise). Since we are avid recyclers, we save the bags. I have called every recycling company in my phone book, and no one knows where to send these bags. Our city has curbside recycling; however, it only takes numbers 1 and 2. I hope you can help. — Patricia B., Manchester, N.H.
Hints from Heloise Columnist Since you already called your recycling center with no luck, try contacting grocery stores in your area. Most recycle their own plastic shopping bags; they also may be able to take these bags. Heloise Central contacted a store in San Antonio and was told it could accept these bags (and also any other store bags
and dry-cleaning bags). — Heloise RECEIPT RECORD Dear Heloise: Recently, I was finished pumping my gas for my car when I pushed the button for a printed receipt. The pump stated that there was no paper and I needed to go inside for my receipt. In a hurry, I quick pulled out my cellphone and took a picture. Much faster than waiting in line! — Todd M. in Florida CONTAINING CORD Dear Heloise: I don’t mind ironing, but was never pleased with the cord holders available on the market, so I made my own.
First, get a bungee cord that is approximately 29 inches long. Make a soft knot before hooking onto the sides of the ironing board. Thread the cord of the iron through this knot before putting into the electrical outlet. The cord slides back and forth through the knot as you iron. Thank you for all you and your team do to help make life easier and more economical, and help the environment. — Barbara B., Tyler, Texas How smart! You are an inventor, and team Heloise thanks you for writing and for the compliment. — Heloise