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Lisa Damour Talks About Raising Resilient Girls I hope to change how we talk about teenage girls. THAT WAS ONE OF THE OVERARCHING STATEMENTS from Dr. Lisa Damour, who visited Hutchison
School in November 2015 to talk about how to raise girls with grit and resilience. up by research, was that there is little evidence of girls’ Damour is a psychologist, bestselling author, widespread reputation for being mean. columnist, speaker, a clinical instructor at Case WestIn her column, Damour suggested that girls harbor ern Reserve University, and director of the Center for peer slights more than boys and that they also seek Research on Girls at Laurel School in Shaker Heights, out support from their friends, which, Ohio. The Center studies how girls while good, also spreads the hurt. learn and grow. Damour’s latest book, Girls become upset that their friends Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls are upset, and a single slight goes Through the Seven Transitions into much further in the group. Her recAdulthood, was published this past ommendation is that parents validate February. their pain, but encourage them to What was impressive about Damove on. The same advice goes to mour’s visit was that she didn’t just girls worrying about a friend. fly in from her home in Ohio, make a speech to the parents telling them what they should do, and fly out. A N E X P E R T I N A D O L E S C E N TS Instead, she spent the entire day at It makes sense that Damour could Lisa Damour Hutchison, meeting and talking with answer the many complex questions parents, faculty members, and girls in during her Hutchison visit. She’s been middle and upper school. interviewing and studying adolescents since she was 19 There was commonality in some of the things and worked at the Yale Child Study Center. Additionally, Damour said to each group, but her most valuable gift she has an affinity for adolescents. “I’ve always liked was in listening. teenagers,” Damour said. “And to be honest, I think it’s She asked the girls questions about their struggles, because I really liked being a teenager. It felt like when their favorite coping mechanisms (Netflix anyone?), my whole world opened up.” and how they handle interpersonal conflicts. She queDamour talked about the idea of promoting growth ried parents about their daily and weekly battles with mindset thinking versus fixed mindset thinking. You their daughters, what their expectations were for their might think of fixed mindset thinkers as “old school.” girls, and how they handled the ever-increasing presA fixed mindset thinks they’re either good at someence of technology in their households. She listened thing or they’re not. They give up easily and don’t like carefully to their answers and their questions, and then challenges. When they fail, they think they are no good. offered sage advice. And they think their abilities determine who they are. Her desire to change the way we talk about teenage The good news is that Damour and Hutchison girls was fresh on her mind because her latest Motherpromote growth mindset thinking. A growth mindset lode column for The New York Times had just been thinker believes she can learn anything she wants. published that day. The title was “Girls Aren’t Meaner She perseveres and challenges herself. She knows that Than Boys. It Only Looks That Way.” Her view, backed failing at something is just a part of learning. She Hutchison | 21