e ry

Beyond my life is the burden you can't think. In this smile shell are experiences I've had which you can't believe.

This word calledACTING, I'm so good at. Do not slander me, I've gone through something calledA LOT

No one can see the tears behind this mask, For in my secret life I still bask.

I act everyday of my life like it's blissful, But the inner me is painful. I feel empty deep inside, Many friends, I still have because I wear a big fake smile.

Little do they know, I'm dying But I want no one to know I'm lying. You don't know my secrets, only what I say, you believe.

My constant cheek raising Behind it, is a total lie.

I've built in Me, prison of fears and tears.

I can't really assure myself If I'm right.

The fear of losing friends when I put off my mask kills me at night. With all these, I still carry my fake smile that looks bright. I barely make it through the day even after saying I'M OKAY

Cause if I let out my pain, I'm afraid, with me you won't stay

Not even my close friends hears my screaming while I'm silent. How close I am to drowning, no one knows. All I do is, plaster on a fake smile, to cover my injured soul.

Those days when I played, I called it joy

But now ,I play games, I call itACTING. It's hard to wipe away, my invisible tears. I cry about myself, I'm not who I used to be.

I look happy, but I'm sad I look so good, but I'm bad I look unbroken, but I am I look like I smile, but I cry I look like I'm true, but I lie

Another part of my life begins, when I'm in my closet.

I begin to reminisce, how I ended up acting the other me. I get upset.

I begin to pour out the tears I swallowed in their presence.

Pretence, they say, is the hardest thing to do. But, I live everyday doing it. My beautiful ugliness is all they see. My killing loneliness, they can't even feel.

I want to go back to those days, when I smiled effortlessly I want to go back to those days, when it took me nothing to create a real smile. I want to go back to those days, when I practised the real life.

I want to go back to those days, when my words spoke my real life.

I want to go back to those days, when explaining why I feel sad gave me joy than faking a smile.

I want to drop my fake smile as series of tears roll down. I'm screaming, I can't do this anymore, I'm yelling, I want the old me, even more!!!

-SalamiTemilade (Temi.d.poet)