Mentoring is evolving. Are we?

Danni Ermilova Williams, CMHRNZ, HRNZ Board Chair, rethinks mentoring beyond the traditional topdown wisdom transfer, and asks how we can get the most out of these powerful professional relationships.

There’s a saying here in Aotearoa New Zealand that there are just two degrees of separation between us all. It’s a colloquialism that suggests a cultural compactness; the idea that we are all somehow connected, and that access is just a conversation, a cousin or a colleague away.

While ‘two degrees of separation’ may be a comforting Kiwi cliche that nods to our ‘know your neighbour’ closeness, what actually makes it powerful is if we effectively tap into it. When it comes to our careers, leadership journeys and our learning, proximity alone is not enough. What matters most is how we use our networks, not just to build relationships but to stimulate our growth, to invite new thinking, and to expand both personally and professionally.

One of the most effective ways to do this is through mentoring.

Mentoring offers us a unique opportunity – for the truly curious, daring and vulnerable – to ako, and build connections and networks beyond the familiar, small and safe, into the different, broad and challenging.

MENTORING MISCONCEPTION

Mentoring isn’t just a philosophical shift, it’s a psychological one.

Organisational psychologist Dr Adam Grant puts it, “The best way to learn from mentors is not to absorb what they know, but to internalise how they think. Collecting their knowledge helps you address the challenges of the day. Understanding their thought process helps you navigate the challenges of a lifetime.”

Mentoring done well is a powerful exchange of information. Mentoring done exceptionally well is dynamic. It is a challenge to the thought processes beyond the shaping of perspectives that benefit both the mentor and mentee. Put simply, mentoring grows the mentor, too.

Mentoring is often misrepresented as a transfer of wisdom from those with experience to those still learning and earning their stripes. But perhaps our traditional framing of mentoring is too narrow. Perhaps we miss a trick when we reduce mentoring to something gifted from those who have worked their way up to those seeking to do so. After all, we all have something unique and interesting to offer.

What if mentoring isn’t just for those coming up through the ranks, but just as critical for those already leading?

In a world that demands we place equal, if not higher, value on learning agility over tenure, don’t we want our organisations full of leaders – both in capability and title –who can and want to both share knowledge as well as learn and change in the process?

Growth, after all, doesn’t come from comfort. This is where we can fall into the trap of proximity bias and tend towards mentors and mentees who are like us, who sit near us, and who look or lead in familiar ways. It’s easy. It’s efficient. But it rarely broadens our horizon. The richest mentoring relationships elevate perspective over proximity. They are the relationships that we create across professions, generations, real-world experiences and cultures. If you want to grow as a mentor, select a mentee who will offer you a unique perspective. They might just challenge what you think you know and change how you lead.

Evolution Of Mentoring For Today

As our online networks grow larger, our available time and attention spans seem to shrink in equal measure. I certainly feel the social overwhelm and fatigue at times in keeping up with my networks and deepening important relationships within these.

While the traditional model of formalised mentoring over longer periods still holds value, it’s no longer the only way to access insight when we need it most.

The ask has evolved, and mentoring is evolving too.

Micro-mentoring offers an agile alternative to traditional mentoring approaches. It’s focused on brief, targeted and time-bound knowledge exchange, ideal for kicking the tyres on an idea, preparing for an important promotion interview, or navigating a challenging workplace relationship or issue. While AI offers the luxury of quick, polished answers, we know that riches usually come with a little more effort. AI is a lot of things, but it doesn’t give the same relational wisdom, depth and contextual intelligence that comes from another human who has lived it.

The ask has evolved, and mentoring is evolving too.

Reverse mentoring aligns with the repositioning of mentoring being as much for the mentor as the mentee, reminding us that learning flows both ways: tētehi ki tētehi. It’s an effective means of strengthening connections and sharing information between different groups, generations, organisational hierarchies, and those with diverse lived experiences. It bridges communities, organisations and teams alike. This is important in a workforce that has five generational groups in it for the first time in history. Our world is increasingly defined by technology, adaptability and pace, and leadership can no longer be defined by tenure or technical expertise alone. Learning agility is critical. Reverse mentoring offers critical insight for leaders into the tools, perspectives and priorities of the people they lead. It surfaces blind spots, deepens cultural fluency –which cannot be recreated in traditional peer circles –and fosters the humility that modern leadership demands.

Let’s talk about technology. Mentoring, like business, is also undergoing enhancement by technology. Emerging tools are bridging us across physical distances while deepening our interpersonal proximity. VR and AR simulations offer controlled, safe learning environments; apps deliver just-in-time prompts, bias-aware mentoring matching and personalised micro-mentoring moments. What is clear, though, is that the art of mentoring itself remains human-led. Mentoring, after all, is about relation, not just information. Mentors have the unique ability to see us not just as we wish to be seen but for who we are and our potential for what we may become.

DON’T STOP AT MENTORING, ASK FOR SPONSORSHIP

Mentors share their wisdom and encouragement, sponsors share their power and offer access.

Mentoring can be powerful, but for underrepresented groups in the workplace, it’s often simply not enough. There comes a point where acquired knowledge must also have opportunity. A sponsor speaks your name in rooms you haven’t entered (yet). They will open doors, and they pledge to use their name and position for your benefit.

Equity won’t just evolve in the current system. It will take conscious disruption over quiet intention. So, if you’re a woman or individual navigating the leadership labyrinth, do not stop at “Will you mentor me?”. Ask, “Will you sponsor me?”. Be specific. Be direct. Your career may hinge on the difference. And if you are a mentor, start asking yourself which rooms your influence could shift for good.

A Word On Mentoring As A Strategic Capability

There’s a misconception that mentoring, like networking, is a sport for the extroverted, particularly when we are thinking of mentoring as a ‘give’ rather than a ‘get’. But let’s not relegate something as important as connection to a task. Let’s reframe it as a strategic capability.

I frame my own mentoring network as my personal board of directors. It’s a living ecosystem that evolves with me and my career. And while the directors on my board are often unaware of their titles, they are my go-tos for sage counsel, strategic foresight, creative volley, and a few are there to challenge me kindly but directly on my own BS.

I asked two of my mentors, one of whom has walked alongside me for most of my HR career, and another who’s joined me recently on my governance journey, what they gain from mentoring. They shared that they get enjoyment from sharing, debating and testing ideas, and watching our conversations turn into realworld outcomes. Mentoring, to both, was seen as a ‘give’ to the mentor as much as it was a ‘give’ to the mentee. Applying experience to someone else’s context in many ways sharpens their own thinking as much as the mentee’s, revealing fresh insights and fuelling both professional and personal growth.

It is important to also acknowledge that while some mentors are long-term, not every connection lasts forever. Some are career seasonspecific and consciously conclude when the seasons change. And that’s okay. The real skill is to curate, not collect, connections. We don’t need more mentors. We need the right ones at the right time.

Invitation For Action

So here’s the invitation, not just to participate in mentoring, but to rethink it entirely.

• Reframe mentoring as a learning opportunity for mentors. Don’t mentor because you’ve arrived, mentor because you’re still evolving.

• Seek mentors who make you uncomfortable in the best possible way. Surround yourself with people who see differently, think differently and challenge you to do the same.

• Say ‘yes’ to mentees who disrupt your default. Pick someone who doesn’t share your background, your worldview, or your leadership style. Mentoring should stretch you, not just echo your own experience.

• Embrace micro-mentoring. Supplement your learning with short, sharp moments of insight. Sometimes, a well-timed conversation can shift more than a year-long arrangement. It’s not about doing less, it’s about being more intentional.

• Ask for and offer sponsorship, not just mentorship… Because sometimes access is more important than more knowledge.

• Be curious about using technology to enhance knowledge sharing. If you’re unsure, don’t be afraid of the tried-and-true traditional tools, like role playing, in the absence of technology!

• Normalise reverse mentoring. The most effective leaders are those who stay teachable. Let someone younger, newer or different from you shape your understanding of culture, technology or change. Your relevance depends on it.

WANT TO SHAPE THE PROFESSION AND INVEST IN YOU?

HRNZ’s mentoring programme is calling for senior HR professionals and leaders who are not only confident in their practice, but generous in sharing it. This is your opportunity to help grow the profession, not just by giving back, but by leaning in.

And, remember, it’s a reciprocal relationship that offers you fresh perspective, unexpected insight and the chance to sharpen your own thinking. It also counts toward your CPD points for CMHRNZ.

Not yet Chartered? This is an invitation to you…

Becoming a Chartered Member isn’t just about recognition. It’s about reflection, representation and reputation for you and your profession. It’s a meaningful way to acknowledge your impact so far and to signal your commitment to ongoing learning, leadership-in-action and the shaping of our future profession. a leadership impact coach, business change consultant and HR specialist who works with individuals and organisations to get clear, get real and get moving on the stuff that matters.

Kia māia. Be bold. Be generous. Be teachable. Get in touch with the tīma today.

Danni Ermilova Williams, CMHRNZ, is a leadership impact coach, business change consultant and HR specialist who works with individuals and organisations to get clear, get real and get moving on the stuff that matters. As Director of DEW Coaching and Consultancy, Danni works at the messy, meaningful edge of people, power and possibility. Her 20-year career has spanned senior leadership, HR strategy and Big 4 consulting, but it’s her ability to meet people where they are (and ask the questions that shift everything) that sets her apart. Currently Board Chair of HRNZ and named HRNZ HR Professional of the Year in 2022, Danni is committed to shaping a profession and future that’s braver, more human and wildly more impactful. LinkedIn, Instagram and danniermilovawilliams.com