Build your network

Kavita Khanna, President of the Asia Pacific Federation of Human Resource Management (APFHRM), Board Director HRNZ, APFHRM, and the World Federation of People Management Associations, offers her connection playbook: a people professional’s guide to real influence.

You need to network more if you want to get ahead.

It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.

You just have to put yourself out there.

Do any of these quotes sound familiar. These are the kinds of phrases HR professionals hear all the time, sometimes from mentors, sometimes from well-meaning colleagues and sometimes bouncing around our own heads. And yet, they rarely help. If anything, they can make connection feel like a performance, a transaction, or worse: a task on your already overflowing to-do list.

Let’s be clear: we’re not here to talk about networking That verb has done enough damage. You don’t need a badge and a bar tab to build influence. You’re already part of networks – plural. The real question is: how well do they serve you? And how do you want to show up within them?

We’ll explore how to engage more meaningfully, help with intent, influence with integrity and connect without contorting yourself.

What you’ll get from this article:

• a reframe of what connections and influence really mean for people professionals

• a practical way to assess and strengthen your own network (minus the hustle)

• tools to rediscover your power to connect on your own terms.

This is your invitation to shift your mindset, upgrade your connection toolkit and build a network that amplifies –not erodes – your voice.

Let’s skip the usual engagement statistics for a moment. Neuroscience and behavioural research offer a more interesting answer to why some connections spark influence and others fizzle out.

In a 2022 study of 870 participants, neuroscience researchers found that when central figures in a social network received oxytocin, cooperation levels increased, not just for them but across the entire network. A review of this study in 2024 concluded that, “specifically, oxytocin plays an important role in facilitating network-wide cooperation in human societies by 1) increasing individual cooperation, mitigating noncooperation motives, and facilitating the enforcement of cooperative norms; 2) fostering interpersonal bonding and synchronisation; and 3) facilitating the formation of heterogeneous network structures.”

In short: connection isn’t just relational, it’s contagious, and influence radiates from the centre outwards.

For HR professionals, this means influence is not about being the loudest voice. It’s about fostering trust-based environments, spaces where people feel safe to align, share and act. And when you do that well? People listen, because you’ve built conditions for resonance, not just compliance.

IT BEGINS WITH YOU

Before we dive into muscles, maps and mindsets, let’s take a pause.

Ask yourself the following:

• Who do you turn to when you need clarity, not just agreement?

• Whose presence lifts your thinking and whose drains it?

• Are your relationships built to exchange energy or maintain obligation?

This isn’t about extroversion, charisma or prowess in building large networks. It’s about how you show up in your existing networks and what those patterns say about your influence.

NETWORKING: THE MISUNDERSTOOD VERB

Somewhere along the way, ‘networking’ stopped meaning ‘building trust’ and started meaning ‘working the room’. We turned connection into a verb you could monetise, schedule, optimise. Worse, we taught entire generations of professionals that being visible was more important than being valuable.

Blame it on the influencer economy, if you like, or on decades of career advice that said: it’s not what you know, it’s who you know, without ever explaining how to know people in a way that didn’t feel like using them. ‘Networking’ has become a tired performative dance where you engage to be seen, not to see. It trades trust for reach and burns faster than it builds. Coffee catchups framed as ‘just checking in’. LinkedIn posts engineered for reach. Tagging someone as ‘a legend’ without remembering what they actually do.

The result? Exhausted professionals. Inflated personal brands. And a growing sense that connection is a game you play, rather than a space you hold. It’s no wonder many HR folks – natural connectors by instinct – feel cynical about the whole thing. But it doesn’t have to be this way. What actually matters most is not how many people you know. It’s how many would vouch for you in a room you’re not in.

What if influence wasn’t about volume but alignment? What if you didn’t have to network at all but, instead, tuned into the networks you’re already part of?

THE PLAYBOOK: BUILD INFLUENCE WITHOUT SELLING OUT

You don’t need a personal brand. You need a tailored plan, a playbook that works for you, the real you. Influence doesn’t come from being everywhere. It stems from being clear on who you are, what you bring, and how you show up in the networks you are already part of. A playbook isn’t a script. It’s a set of cues, patterns and principles. It helps you respond with intent when the moment to influence shows up, without overengineering it.

Having a playbook doesn’t make you fake. It makes you ready.

So what does this look like?

STEP 1: AUDIT YOUR CONNECTIONS LIKE A GROWN-UP

Build a Connection Compass. Here is how you do it. Draw a quick 2x2 grid and map your network.

STEP 2: DO A QUALITY CHECK

After mapping out your Connection Compass, pause and look at the patterns.

Who’s missing? Are there voices you admire but haven’t engaged with? Perspectives that challenge yours? People outside your industry, demographic or comfort zone?

Who’s over-represented? Do all your go-to connections look like you, think like you or agree with you? If so, you might be reinforcing comfort over growth.

This isn’t just about inclusion. It’s about insight. A more diverse network means:

• new lenses on old problems

• better early signals from the edge

• more resilience when disruption hits (because someone in your circle has been there before).

STEP 3: CREATE A PLAN

This is about being deliberate and creating space, but going at a pace that works for you.

• Strengthen what’s strong: Block time for the core, not because you need something, just to reinforce the thread.

• Clarify where you’re stuck: Look at the friendly drainers, the needy and the energy sinkholes. Ask yourself: “What am I avoiding in this relationship?”. You may not need to end it, but you do need to redefine it.

• Balance what’s lopsided: Reach out to someone whose worldview stretches yours. Listen, don’t pitch.

Review every six months.

STEP 4: BUILD YOUR FITNESS, YOUR CONNECTION MUSCLE

Yes, it’s a muscle. And like all muscles, it weakens with disuse, strengthens with resistance and grows when you rest and repair.

Spoiler: Most HR professionals already have these muscles. They just use them on behalf of others and forget they need them for themselves.

STEP 5: FLIP THE FRAME: GENEROSITY AS STRATEGY

Stop asking “Who can help me?”. Start asking “Who can I help?”.

Helping others releases oxytocin, builds trust and creates emotional residue. You feel better. They feel seen. And weirdly, things start flowing back.

It’s not karma. It’s context.

Strategic generosity isn’t selfsacrifice. It’s knowing that being useful, kind and curious makes you magnetic. Your influence grows when people want to be around you, not because of what you say, but how you make them feel.

REMEMBER: YOU’RE GOOD AT THIS.

You already know how to do this. You listen. You coach. You hold space for others to grow and thrive.

This isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about turning your own connection instincts inward. You’ve got the playbook now. You’ve always had the muscle. Just aim it toward yourself, and let influence happen from there.

Your influence grows when people want to be around you, not because of what you say, but how you make them feel.

With over two decades of experience in leadership, strategy, HR and organisation development across industries and geographies, Kavita Khanna specialises in culture-led change that inspires even the most change-resistant to respond. A Board Director at HRNZ, and a Chartered Fellow, she’s a passionate advocate for self-managed teams, future-fit leadership, and organisations where humans thrive. She is well known for a creative, client-immersive approach (and a healthy scepticism of corporate jargon), and brings a quirky sense of humour to the serious business of work. She believes transformation starts with teams, and usually involves snacks.