Setting Personal Boundaries: A Mom’s Guide to Saying ‘Yes’ to Herself

Last Tuesday, I found myself in an all-too-famili situation: it was 5 PM, and I was trying to cook dinner while my 3-year-old tugged at my leg asking for a snack and my 5-month-old was fussing as he had missed his last nap. My phone kept buzzing with messages from family members asking when they could come visit, an all I could think was, “I just need five minutes to breathe ”

Sound familiar?

That evening, as I mechanically picked up scattered blocks while balancing a crying toddler on my hip, I had an epiphany: I wasn’t being the present, patient mom I wanted to be Instead, I was trying to be everything to everyone, all while my own cup was completely empty.

The “Aha” Moment Every Mom Needs

When we talk about boundaries, most of us imagine building walls or pushing people away. But here’s what I’ve learned: boundaries are actually about building bridges stronger, healthier connections with both ourselves and others

Think of Sarah, a mom in our community who always volunteered for every school event until she found herself crying in her car between meetings “I thought being a good mom meant never saying no,” she shared “But my kids didn’t need more Pinterest-worthy craft projects they needed a mom who wasn’t running on empty.”

The Warning Signs I Wish I’d Noticed Earlier

Remember that friend who always says, “I don’t know how you do it all!”? That used to feel like a compliment, until I realized it was actually a warning sign

Here’s what to watch for:

That knot in your stomach when your phone pings with another “quick favour” request The resentment bubbling up when you’re making dinner while answering work calls The guilt that follows taking even 15 minutes for yourself

Start With Your Non-Negotiables

Every morning, I now write down three things that are just for me even if it’s just 10 minutes of quiet coffee time.

It feels selfish at first, but remember: oxygen masks on airplanes go on you first for a reason

The “Power Pause” Method

Before saying yes to anything, I take what I call a “power pause ” It’s 24 hours to think about whether this commitment aligns with my family’s needs and my own wellbeing

The

Language

That Changed Everything

Instead of apologetic phrases, I’ve learned to use confident ones:

“That doesn’t work for me” (instead of “I’m so sorry, but ”)

“I can help with X, but not Y” (instead of trying to do it all)

“I need to check my calendar first” (instead of immediate yes)

Jen, a single mom of three, started small: she stopped answering work emails during dinner “It felt impossible at first,” she admits “But now my kids know that dinnertime is our time The world hasn’t fallen apart, and my team respects my boundaries ”

Cassie, another mom in our community, created a “mom’s timeout corner” literally a comfy chair where she takes 15 minutes each day to decompress Her kids now know that when mom’s in her corner, they wait unless it’s an emergency

Consider this your official permission slip to:

Leave the volunteer sheet unsigned if you’re already stretched thin

Order takeout instead of cooking after a long day

Say “not this time” to the endless birthday party invites Take that bubble bath without guilt

Remember that Tuesday night I mentioned? Now, when similar situations arise, I ask myself three questions:

Is this essential?

Does this align with my family’s true needs?

Am I saying yes out of obligation or genuine desire?

Start small. Pick one boundary you’ll set this week. Maybe it’s not checking work emails after 6 PM, or keeping Sunday mornings sacred for family time.

Remember: You’re not just setting boundaries, you’re setting an example for your children of what healthy relationships look like. And that, dear mama, is worth more than all the Pinterest-perfect cupcakes in the world.