Shame-Based

Identity: Understanding Its Impact and Path to Healing cont'd

Depression and Anxiety: They may constantly feel overwhelmed by their perceived inadequacy. This persistent sense of not being "good enough" can lead to chronic anxiety and depression.

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Difficulty in Relationships: Shame often leads to difficulty forming deep, authentic relationships. People may push others away or not be their authentic selves out of fear of rejection or may struggle to accept love and care, believing they don't deserve it.

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Perfectionism and Self-Sabotage: To avoid the painful feelings of shame, individuals may overcompensate by striving for perfection, leading to burnout and disappointment. Alternatively, they may self-sabotage, unconsciously reinforcing the belief that they are unworthy of success or happiness.

3. Avoidance of Vulnerability: Vulnerability is often seen as dangerous by those with a shamebased identity. They may withdraw from emotionally open situations, fearing that exposing their true selves will only lead to further shame or rejection. This negatively impacts their ability to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Healing from a Shame-Based Identity

Healing from a shame-based identity is not a quick fix, but it is possible. It requires both selfcompassion and the willingness to challenge the deep-rooted beliefs that have defined one’s self-worth. Here are some steps on the path to healing:

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Awareness and Acknowledgment: The first step in healing is understanding how shame has shaped your identity. Acknowledging that shame influences your thoughts and behaviours allows you to begin untangling its hold on your life.

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Therapy and Counseling: Professional therapy, particularly through a trauma-informed lens, is beneficial. Approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) can help individuals address shame’s deep roots. Therapy provides a safe space to process emotions, challenge and shift core beliefs, and learn healthier coping strategies.

Building Self-Compassion: People with a shame-based identity often struggle with selfcompassion. Learning to treat yourself with kindness, acceptance, and understanding rather than self-criticism is key to breaking free from the cycle of shame.

4. Challenging Negative Beliefs: Cognitive restructuring can help identify and challenge the negative beliefs that perpetuate shame. By questioning the validity of these thoughts and replacing them with more balanced perspectives, individuals can begin to shift their selfconcept.

5. Seeking Support: Support from others, whether through peer groups, family, or close friends, is crucial in the healing process. Connecting with others who understand or empathize with your experience can reduce feelings of isolation and reinforce a sense of belonging.

6. Self-Expression and Vulnerability: Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic in relationships is a powerful tool in healing. Practicing this with someone who feels safe can help you develop and build this skill. Over time, expressing emotions and sharing your true self can help dismantle the walls built by shame.

7. Engage in Activities that Spark Joy: By exploring and engaging in activities that bring you joy, you can connect with happiness and experience moments of confidence. This can assist in building your sense of self from a healthier perspective.

Moving Forward: Reclaiming Your Identity

While healing from a shame-based identity is a process, it’s important to remember that it’s entirely possible to shift and strengthen your sense of self. As you work through these challenges, it’s essential to recognize that your shame does not define you. You are a unique, valuable individual worthy of love, connection, and growth. Through therapy, self-compassion, and support, you can transform your relationship with yourself and, in turn, your life. Shame is not a permanent sentence. It is a painful emotion that can be released when processed and understood. By shedding the layers of shame built over time, you can reclaim your identity and live a life rooted in authenticity, self-compassion, and resilience.

Dr. Amber Cohen

Registered Clinical Psychologist and the founder and CEO of The Cohen Clinic. Dr. Cohen has special interests in trauma, anxiety, depression, and self-esteem. The Cohen Clinic is a holistic wellness therapy practice focusing on the mind-body connection. The team is composed of Psychologists, Psychotherapists, Social Workers, a Registered Dietitian and a Naturopathic Doctor. Website Link: https://thecohenclinic.com/