LOVE HARD:

Aaditi Narayanan

A favorite part of my childhood was bedtime, because that was when my family got to spend time together. Especially for my mom and I, this was when we would both get under the covers and talk about my day. From the early age of five, I got into the habit of telling my mom everything and receiving her comfort in return. When I was struggling with math, she taught me how to do addition, and when I was learning how to read she would sit up and animate different children’s books with me. As the years went on, I got used to having her attention and unconditional love and support.

Through these nighttime chats with my mother, I was able to learn how similar and different we truly are. Even though our close relationship led me to believe that we were one in the same, we have actually led very different lives.

Aaditi Narayanan

I grew up in Suburbia, Massachusetts with a younger brother and had a relatively comfortable life. I lived in the same house for most of my life, very close to everyone in my household, but isolated from my extended family in Kerala, India. My mother grew up in many different Indian cities, never living in one place for more than four years. There was never one, concrete place she could call home and had to make new friends every few years. She had two siblings, a brother who was six years older and a sister eight years older than her. She always had a large family and grew up with many cousins and aunts- her dad had ten siblings and her mom had 6. Because she never really settled down and couldn’t relate to her much older siblings, my mom often would ask her mother for advice, just as I did. My mom always said that her mom never pushed her; she just listened and said “you will make the right decision.” This meant that my mom continually knew she had a supportive and trusting relationship with her mom. I, too, constantly would ask my mother for advice, as she learned to listen from her mother and put full faith in me that I could do whatever I put my mind too. This strong mother-daughter bond is something our childhoods have in common as a result of our upbringings. The variant lives that my mom and I have led brought us closer and allowed me to learn from her unique experience.

The role of mother as confidant was definitely a relationship my mom wanted to foster with me. Without realizing it, she taught me the importance of being there for those you care about. I never heard : “go away I’ve had a long day,” or “I need some me time.” She always made time for me and never complained. Doing this for me throughout my youth taught me to be the caring person I am today. I’m not sure I would be the same person without the patience and care that my mother nurtured in me.

My mother’s continued undying love has been essential in caring for her currently very ill mother. My grandmother got Dementia when I was around twelve, as have most of the women on my mother’s side of the family. As the years pass, her illness is progressing, and she has become less and less capable of being a mother figure to my mom. About two years ago, she was diagnosed with Parkinsons which led to severe balance problems. Throughout all of these challenging developments, however, my mom has been by her side. She hires all the nurses, consults with her physician constantly, and is willing to jet off to India at a moments notice.

As it has become evident that my grandmother’s day is coming, I have seen my mom struggle immensely with the idea of a world without her. I don’t think of that strong attachment to her mother as a flaw, though, because being there no matter what for those you love is a valuable lesson that I will always cherish. Through all of the bedtimes, therapy sessions, and stories me and my mother have shared, she has taught me to be unwaveringly loyal to the people I love, even if they don’t do the same for you. She always reinforced the concept of Karma; that when you are nice to someone you get it back doubled. Because of my mother, I can move through the world a more patient, caring and attentive human being. Mom, no matter what I will love you, and I will never forget the many lessons you have taught throughout my life.

Aaditi Narayanan