NO IT’S NOT A COMPLIMENT: Cat-Calling & Womxn's Self-Defense

Hannah Andress

Doodles by Elaine Griffith

Keys between the knuckles, pepper spray, only keep one headphone in, head on a swivel, don’t walk alone in the dark, share your location with your friends, and my personal favorite: don’t ‘encourage’ them.

Every womxn was taught from a young age to develop self-defense tactics to avoid unwanted and unwarranted advances from men.

Most womxn can recall the first time they were catcalled and the inevitable humiliation and compounding dread that ensued. I remember my most recent encounter with misogyny, I was running through DC and I noticed a car pull up beside me and match my speed. Four men start yelling out the window, shouting obscenities about my physical appearance. I think they were all snickering or maybe that was the humiliation echoing in my ears. I was mortified. I felt like the world’s eyes were on me, on my body, and on its most vulnerable parts. Nights later, every time it comes to mind I feel my body writhe in humiliation, my shoulders freeze, and my arms involuntarily cross like a shield to attempt to hide my body from the peering eyes.

I wanted to scream at them and deliver a loud monologue about objectification and harassment — but the best I could muster when they finally drove off was a flip of the finger.

Whenever I end up in a situation like this, I find myself fantasizing about how I could have “won” the altercation. I dwell on it for weeks after the fact, how my speech would have forced an apology from the gaggle of boys. But then I wonder, what would have happened if I actually confronted them? What if they turned to violence? I think a lot of young womxn agree that we don’t want to accept this kind of behavior lying down, but at the same time, we don’t want to potentially escalate an uncomfortable situation into something that poses an actual threat.

Grace Nowak

As soon as I got home, I ordered pepper spray and a low-voltage taser.

Every womxn seemingly has their version of this story and we’ve been dismissed for far too long.

So what do we do?

Making yourself small or less of a target is never an option. Womxn should not have to put themselves in a box in order to feel safe leaving the house. Handling these situations is difficult, but it’s all about responding in a way that makes you feel powerful. Freezing up or responding with anger can just fuel their overflowing egos. My first response is usually anger or fury, but the best response, for me, is just a simple line: “no thanks, I’m uninterested” or “aw, that is just so pathetic”. And all of a sudden, poof, they are beneath me.

I was curious to know if my reaction to catcalling was the same across the board, so I decided to ask other womxn how they handle catcalling and what they do afterwards for self-care. Ahead, you’ll see responses from womxn who have experienced catcalling. If you’ve been catcalled, know that you’re not in this alone.

Womxn #1, 21, she/her: Depending on the physical landscape of the situation, womxn #1 verbally responds. A simple ‘no thank you’ or ‘I am uninterested’ throws them off their game and gives you a chance to leave. Her favorite form of self-care after an encounter with harassment is talking to other womxn who won’t invalidate her feelings.

Womxn #2, 20, she/her: After a hot-tempered finger flip or a brazen combination of curse words, womxn #2 enjoys indulging in double cheese pizza. A full stomach always makes her feel better after a man tries to strip her identity down to her physical appearance.

Womxn #3, 23, she/they: Womxn #3 typically ignores the abusers who catcall them, or responds with a firm ‘no thank you’. She emphasized that a nonchalant eye roll and straight up ignorance will get them to leave her alone. She stresses that freezing will encourage them to continue. Even if their comments do bother you, it is important to remain unbothered and uninterested. For post-harassment selfcare, she likes to relax with a few hours of Netflix. It’s been one of the few things that has saved me, time and time again.”

Unfortunately, 65 percent of all womxn have experienced some form of harassment of some form. Remember, do not make yourself small to make them feel bigger.

[Womxn: people of all genders, not just the people who subscribe to the traditional definition of “women.” “Womxn” represents all people who are affected by issues of misogyny and sexism.]

Grace Nowak