ISSUE 8 • NOV/DEC 2015 • FREE • HAUSFRAUMAG.COM
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CORE CONTENT MODULE I knew when I started Hausfrau that publishing a print magazine would be a challenge, especially with my prostate issues, and that it would probably not enable me to buy a yacht. What matters more to me than yachts or Gucci casual-wear, however, is that Hausfrau gets better over time. I believe Issue 8 demonstrates that Hausfrau is glaciating in favorable directions. This issue marks the debut of a new HF feature, Force by Forcewest, a mash-up of North By Northwest and Star Wars. I have a funny feeling it’s going to do good things for the career of one Madeline Maser, our illustrious illustrator, which is fine, even if I remain locked in obscurity, as long as Madeline is able to get me a job at her next gig as a janitor or a scrivener or something ill along those lines. The plan is to work our way through all of North by Northwest in upcoming issues, giving Hitchcock’s masterpiece the old Hausfrau treatment. Force By Forcewest (FXFW) will also live on the web as a series of videos, so stay tuned for that.
What’s remarkable about FXFW is that it was inspired in part by the proudly racist Donald Trump. Jacob Thomas’s and Maser’s illustrations of Trump in Issue 7 were a hit, particularly in Cancun, and it got us thinking. Speaking of people in positions of power doing or making reprehensible, racist sentences, this episode of The Pharmacologists also plumbs new terrain. For the first time it’s tackling the issue of race. I have fuzzy memories of feeling optimistic after Barack Obama won two presidential races, but his victories over the forces of evil are not much consolation if a cop kills you because you’re black. It’s not just a cop problem, though. Even The New York Times is happy to publish the occasional garbage racist article, like TV critic Alessandra Stanley’s profile of the television producer Shonda Rhimes last year. Stanley’s strategy was to wade boldly into the article with some good old-fashioned racial stereotyping: “When Shonda Rhimes writes her autobiography, it should be called ‘How to Get Away With Being an
North by North
MASTHEAD STEPHEN KOSLOFF Founder, editor MADELINE MASER Illustrator & editorial assistant JOHN MERRIMAN Content expert CAROLINE TOBIN Arts editor JAPAN SMITH Human resources specialist MELISSA BRABHAM Editorial assistant HANISHA HARJANI Intern
Angry Black Woman.’” Yuck! If Stanley had expressed contrition afterwards, I would have left it alone, but instead of apoologizing for the shit storm she provoked, she called her readers stupid for not “getting” her. The Times had to run several corrections to Stanley’s article (she’s famously sloppy), but there is no reference on that page to the offense it caused. I don’t think Stanley or anyone at the Times will lose any sleep over her treatment in these here pages, but I count it as a small blow for racial justice, so, NYYYAAAAAHHHH!!!!! (SJK)
CONTRIBUTORS Elaine Kaufmann is based in Brooklyn. Her work has been exhibited at Momenta Art, Exit Art, Schroeder Romero Gallery, the Brooklyn Museum, and the Andy Warhol Museum.Â
Sabrina Fonseca is a Brazilian designer and visual artist based in New York City. Co-founder of supersexies.org, she loves telling stories with her photographs. sabrinafonseca.com
Courtesy of the British Library.
Chris Dorley-Brown is a photographer based in East London. His work has been shown at the Museum of London and the Whitechapel Gallery. His book, Drivers in the 1980s was published this year by Hoxton Mini Press in London. modrex.com
the pharmacologists cast
Jocelyn James as Daria
Kyara Umar as Camille
Madeline Maser as Plage
Erena Washington 4
Christina Joyner as Asa
Dalana Figaro as Michelle
Jurg Bajiour as Harold
Rob C. Grant as Tom
Zarreen Harris as Chandler
Anthony Gallegos as Pico
Aissata Richards as Denise
Andrienne Filleaudeau as Elizabeth
Untitled, by Elaine Kaufmann, 2011, collage, 22 x 30 inches; detail from Lake in Wind River Mountains by Alfred Miller.
read back issues for free dollars at hausfraumag.com Hausfrau Magazine is published about six times a year by Hausfrau Media LLC, PO Box 654, Old Chelsea Station, New York, NY 10113. Hausfrau is available free of charge in selected locations in NYC, limit one copy per person. Distribution of Hausfrau by anyone other than Hausfrau Media LLC or its contractors is prohibited. Hausfrau Magazine is not responsible for the loss of or damage to unsolicited submissions. All characters appearing in the photo-comic sections of Hausfrau are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. ISSN 2373-5244. info@hausfraumag.com. www.hausfraumag.com All content Š 2015 Hausfrau Media LLC. All rights reserved.
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BOOK REVIEW I LOST IT AT THE VIDEO STORE A Filmmakers’ Oral History of a Vanished Era By Tom Roston The Critical Press; 154 pages; $25.00
I — In Brief An informative yet breezy, nerd-core read for cinephiles and current or lapsed video store denizens. I Lost It is fortunately more of a testament than a lamentation. II — Let’s Video Store I worked in a video store for a few months in Santa Cruz, CA, where I went to college. A little dive called Video City. The owner was a benign, sebaceous caballero named Rod Rodriguez. Rod was not a “health guy.” He smoked, and I imagined him eating a lot of canned meat. One night at work his breathing grew labored, and he put his hand on the counter to steady himself. I wondered for a moment if he was going to die on the spot. He did not die, but Video City died, eventually, along with most of the country’s video stores. They had a salubrious impact on filmmaking in America before they vanished, though, as is detailed in I Lost It At The Video Store, by Tom Roston. (The title is a play on former
New Yorker film critic Pauline Kael’s I Lost It At The Movies.) The story begins with the arrival of the Sony Betamax LV-1901 in 1975, which sold for over $2,000 (more than $11,000 today, adjusted for inflation), and peaks in the early aughts, when, according to Roston, there were 30,000 video stores across the country. The denoument came arguably in early 2014, when Blockbuster closed up shop. It’s easy to forget how hard it used to be to see movies, especially classics and foreign films, before video stores. By giving them a shelf life, video stores saved some movies from oblivion (or at least obscurity), like Swingers, which did OK in the theaters but went bonkers in the video market thanks to aggressive promotion by the company that had the video rights. Videos not only made it easier to see a greater variety of movies, they made it easier to see them repeatedly. You no longer had to be Orson Welles if you wanted
to watch Stagecoach 30 times. David O. Russell was one fan of the new technology. “I got a videotape of Chinatown, which I watched obsessively ... I memorized a thirty-minute sequence of Chinatown, which is how I taught myself film-making.” One of the interviewees, actor and director Tim Nelson, posits that the move to viewing on smaller screens has led to a proliferation of close-ups in movies. The most significant impact video stores had on the film industry, however, was that they created a massive demand for movies that studios were unable to meet. In their rush to fill space on video store shelves, video companies started financing movies, not just distributing them. The extra revenue generated by video rentals lowered
Think About Your Troubles; Stockholm, NJ, 2015, by Sabrina Fonseca.
the threshold for getting movies made, because it was easier to make a profit, and it also meant larger budgets for independent movies. Roston has done a valuable service to the film community by getting this group of filmmakers and executives to spill their guts in one
place. It’s an important story to tell. I did, however, find myself resisting the idea that it’s a vanished era. I spend a fair amount of time in the DVD section at Barnes and Noble (when I’m not busy assaulting tourists). Perusing the shelves is therapeutic and a nice respite from staring at
computer screens. They may not enjoy the cultural primacy they once did, but there are still good indie stores in town, like Video Free Brooklyn in Cobble Hill. Maybe it’s not so terrible that people in these stores today are there because they want to be, not because they have to be. (SJK)
NEWS MODULE!!!!
ORNITHOLOGIST CONTINUES TO SCREAM FOR NO REASON By John Merriman & Japan Smith
In a development that has flummoxed her neighbors and baffled scientists, Andrea Moscowitz, 28, of Park Slope, has screamed continuously for 30 days. Contacted by a reporter who asked about her scream-streak, Moscowitz replied, “AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!” According to Lana Wohl, Moscowitz’s upstairs neighbor, the screaming kicked off one morning in early October. “I was doing some vinyasa flow yoga in my living room, and then I heard this screaming from downstairs. After 30 minutes I went down to knock on the door. I asked if she was OK, but she was like, ‘AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!,’ so I was like ‘Whatevs.’” Moscowitz was allegedly fired from her job at the Birders Organization for National Emergency Relief (BONER), although a spokesperson for BONER refused to discuss the matter.
A source close to BONER confirmed, however, that Moscowitz was let go. “You can’t really blame them. Obviously screaming at the top of your lungs greatly complicates any efforts to study birds in the wild. It didn’t help that she was also terrifying all of her colleagues. Morale at BONER was really starting to sag.” The source asked to remain anonymous to protect their relationship with BONER. Neurologists and mental health experts could provide no explanation for the phenomenon. Asked about Moscowitz’s case, Dr. Alan Eckardt, her psychiatrist on the Upper East Side, refused to comment, citing patient confidentiality rules. “I’m really not going to get into the particulars of Andrea’s case, although she has sexual fantasies about her father, her birthday is May 1, 1987, and her social security number is 741-37-
Andrea Moscowitz.
8132.” Lydia La Guardia, head of neurology at Columbia University, offered her take on Moscowitz. “I hope she’s been screened for a tumor. It could be putting pressure on the part of the brain that makes people scream all the time,” said La Guardia. “Being a scientist, I would also not rule out her being possessed by a demon; some straight-up Exorcist shit. You know that movie with all of the phlegm?”
PARTY TIME PS 122 held a season kick-off and fundhraiser at the Bowery Hotel in October, featuring performances, assorted drinks, and exposed buttocks. The event was curated by Erin Markey (top right photo).
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introducing:
Force By Forcewest episode 1 written by stephen kosloff illustrated by madeline maser
Roger: Maggie: Roger:
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I can’t believe this article. What does it say, Mr. Thornhill? Mother and I have tickets for The Sound of Music tonight, but half of the orchestra has come down with the clap, and they’re suspending the production. When you get back to the office can you call her and tell her I’ll meet her at The Stonewall instead?
Maggie:
Did you remember my herring snacks?
Roger: I’m so sorry Maggie, I left them at the office. Maggie: Well, you’ll have to call your mother yourself then. Roger: But— Maggie: Herring snacks. 11
Suit 1
Waiter: Good afternoon Mr. Thornhill, your colleagues have already been seated, if you’d care to follow me. Roger: Perfect, thank you.
Suit 1:
Suits:
Suit 1:
Roger:
So then I told him, ‘If you move us to a blended rate we will take our account to Ogilvy so fast your head will spin.’ HYAH HYAH HYAH [Sluuurp] HYAAH HYAH [Slurp].
What’s the matter Roger, you didn’t say ‘HYAH HYAH HYAH’? I’m sorry, my mother thinks we’re seeing a show tonight, but it’s been cancelled. I need to phone her.
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P.A.: Paging Mr. Kaplan, please report to the front desk. Mr. Kaplan, front desk please.
Roger: Excuse me, waiter, can I get change for the phone?
Licht Valerian
Licht: 14
Valerian:
That’s Kaplan. Let’s go.
Roger: How ya doin’ guys, do you have any herring sna ... Hey, that’s not a herring snack. Licht: No, Mr. Kaplan, it’s a gun, and I assure you it’s loaded. Roger:
You must be loaded too, my name’s Thornhill, not Kaplan.
Valerian: Of course it is, Kaplan. Now, if you ever want to eat herring again, you will get into the car outside.
Roger:
Aren’t you going to tell me not to try anything fishy?
FORCE BY FORCEWEST WILL CONTINUE IN ISSUE 9.
A Quiet Room.
A Quiet Room. www.aquietroom.com psychotherapy/counseling - individual and couples Will Meyerhofer, JD LMSW 212.786.9203 Located in Lower Manhattan
www.aquietroom.com Psychotherapy/counseling - individual Will Meyerhofer, JD LMSW 212.786.9203 Located in Lower Manhattan
Delicious wedding photography www.honeyandmoonphotography.com
London Bridge; London, England, by Chris Dorley-Brown.
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THE PHARMACOLOGISTS a serialized photo-saga episode ocho: “The Trials of Alessandra” written and photographed by stephen kosloff
[SOUND OF RINGING PHONE] Security Desk: Alessandra Stanley:
Security Desk: Alessandra Stanley: Security Desk: Alessandra Stanley:
Security Desk:
[Picking up phone] Security. Hello there. I realize you probably went to a public school and probably didn’t graduate, but, do you know who I am? No ma’am, I’m sorry, can I help you? Well, that remains to be seen, doesn’t it? Ma’am? Well, for starters, I’m looking out my window, and what I’m seeing is a street thug in front of the building carrying a poster of me with a big ‘LOL’ on it. We were advised that there might be a small protest today.
Alessandra Stanley:
Are you just going to stand there and watch them, or are you going to call the police?
Security Desk:
We will keep them off the property, but the sidewalk is public.
Alessandra Stanley: Security Desk: Alessandra Stanley: Security Desk: 18
CAN YOU AT LEAST FAT-SHAME HIM??!!! No ma’am, I’m afraid not. OK, that’s great, I guess we know why you’re earning $8 an hour, don’t we? [Hangs up.] Have a nice day ma’am.
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Meanwhile, on the M line
cool graphics, bro
Pico: Plage:
Pico:
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Hello? Hey Pico, Dagger asked me to call you and let you know he can’t make it to the protest today, a cargo van of his hit a moose in Pennsylvania and dumped 5,000 bottles of opioids onto the highway. I’ll still be there though, meet you at the subway entrance in front of the Times on 9th Ave? I had no intention of kidnapping or assassinating Dagger, so, no troubles whatsoever. Yeah, I’ll see you at the subway entrance.
Actual view from the M line.
Pico
Pico:
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GAAAAAAAHHHHH how do I kidnap and assassinate Dagger if he fails to show up at the designated rendez-vous???!!!!!
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Plage:
Hey Pico, you smell a little, you OK?
Pico:
Good Morgan. A woman’s French bulldog relieved itself on my shoe on the subway.
Plage:
Sorry to hear it. What’s wrong with this city? It didn’t used to be like this.
Pico:
The dog’s name was Ninja. So what are we protesting today?
Plage:
The Times’s use of serial commas.
Pico:
Well, I’m a firm advocate of the serial—
Plage:
We are protesting a racist, train wreck of a profile that the Times published of Shonda Rhimes. They literally called her an angry black woman.
Pico:
I think I learned of this on the internet. Was it penned by—
Plage:
Alessandra Stanley, aka the human correction volcano.
Pico:
Was she the one who wrote the obit of Walter Cronkite that—
Plage:
Said he was survived by a rhesus monkey named Hidalgo, yes.
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Plage:
What’s up Daria?
Daria: Oh, you know, just out here fightin’ the good fight.
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Plage:
Kinda depressing to see stuff like that printed in the Times.
Daria:
The best part is that by getting angry about it I feel like I’m conforming to the stereotype.
Plage:
Maybe you could vent in private? Maybe make an Alessandra Stanley table cloth at home and drool on it?
Daria:
That’s weird, that’s what my therapist Tom recommended. Oh, look, there he is now. Hey Tom.
Tom: Heyyyyyyyyyy. 27
Twenty minute orgasms, eh? Denise: You think they’re gonna call the cops? Harold: If the cops show up I’m basically gonna hide under some white people. 28
Elizabeth
Tom: Elizabeth: Tom: Elizabeth:
How did you hear about the protest? I’ve been following Ms. Stanley’s career for years. Are you a journalist? No, I publish poems that comprise words and phrases taken from corrections of her work in the Times. My next volume is coming out this fall, it’s titled Conkrite Stormed The Moon. 29
Michelle
Michelle: I did some Googling, it turns out Stanley went to this school in DC, Madeira. Guess what it costs a year? Asa: Michelle: 30
It’s named after Portuguese wine, so that’s at least 30k right there. $56,000 a year—WAT.
Asa
Asa:
Camille
Damn, that’s just wrong.
Michelle: She could have bought SO many shoes with that money. Camille: They taught her everything she needs to know except how to function in the modern world. 31
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Camille:
I could really use a snack TBH.
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Chandler:
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Chandler:
[To himself] I’d feel more comfortable at this protest if someone could tell me why the white dude with the sheep on his sweatshirt asked if I knew how to handle a sword.
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Pico:
Plage: 36
HEY! HEY! LBJ! HOW MANY KIDS DID YOU KILL TODAY!! Wrong issue Pico. Wrong decade ... Actually, wrong century.
Pico: Plage:
Pico:
Sorry about breaking the paradigm earlier. I don’t know what came over me. No problem. Thanks for coming out and marching with us today. You’re looking a lot better than the last time I saw you. Yes, Dagger’s ministrations have gotten me back on my feet. I owe him my life heh heh heh heh.
THE PHARMACOLOGISTS WILL CONTINUE IN ISSUE 9.
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photos by japan smith; december 2011
The collapse of communism began in the shipyards of Gdansk, with the rise of Solidarity, a trade union and social movement led by Lech Walesa. Today, the town center thrives, but the shipyards are quiet, a ghostly testament to the bygone glories of the Soviet bloc.
JOIN HAUSFRAU FOR COMEDY deep dish cabaret + issue 8 release party assorted mayhem, in a loft, in bushwick
miles and miles of lolz! sat november 21 9 pm to 1 am $5 21 & over info@hausfraumag.com for the address and pertinent details
AN UNDERGROUND CABARET THAT FEATURES SOME OF THE ZANIEST PERFORMERS NEW YORK HAS TO OFFER. — NPR
“THE KIND OF UNDERGROUND EVENT YOU THOUGHT YOU’D FIND MORE OF IN NEW YORK CITY.” — THE VILLAGE VOICE