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How Politics Work
be snow figure decorations. 8:28—I was being called a racist because the snow couple was white. 8:31—The Middle Eastern gent across the road demanded the snow woman be covered up. 8:40—The police arrived, saying someone had been offended. 8:42—The feminist neighbor complained again that the snow woman’s broomstick needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role. 8:43—The City Council’s equality officer arrived and threatened me with eviction. 8:45—TV news crews showed up. I was asked if I knew the difference between snowmen and snow women? My reply of “snowballs” did not go over very well and I am now called a sexist. 9:00—I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, and homophobe sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather. 9:10—I was asked if I had any accomplices. My children were taken by social services. 9:29—Far-left protesters offended by everything marched down the street, demanding my arrest. 12 noon—The snow had all melted. Moral—None. It is exactly what we have become…and it was all caused by snowflakes.
It’s Strange How Drinking 8 Glasses Of Water A Day Seems Impossible, But 8 Cups Of Coffee Go Down Like A Chubby Kid On A See-Saw
My son was flunking out of college, so I told him, “You will marry the woman I choose.” He said “no.” I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.” He said “yes.” I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Bill Gates said “no.” I told Gates that my son is the CEO of the World Bank. Gates said “yes.” I called the president of the World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO. He said “no.” I told him that my son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law. He said “yes.” And thus began the practice of hiring morons to work in influential positions of institutions and government. This practice remains in play to this day.
Automobile Q&A Q: What was the first official White House car? A: A 1909 White Steamer Q: What colors were available for the 1953 Corvette? A: Only one—Polo White Q: What was the first car fitted with an alternator? A: 1960 Plymouth Valiant Q: What car was the first to have its radio antenna embedded in the windshield? A: 1969 Pontiac Grand Prix Q: What car had the distinction of being GM’s 100 millionth built in the U.S.? A: 1966 Oldsmobile Toronado built at Lansing, Mich. Q: What autos were the first to come with a standard production key-start system? A: 1949 Chryslers Q: What car was the first to place the horn button in the center of the steering wheel? A: The 1915 Scripps-Booth Model C Q: What was the only car to appear simultaneously on the covers of Time and Newsweek? A: The Ford Mustang Q: What car was the first production V12, as well as the first production car with aluminum pistons? A: The 1915 Packard Twin-Six. Used during WWI in Italy, these motors inspired Enzi Ferrari to adopt the V12 himself in 1948. Q: What was the first car to use power seats? A: 1947 Packard Q: Which of the Chrysler ‘letter’ cars sold the least amount? A: Only 400 1963 300Js were sold. Q: How did the term ‘Pickup Truck’ originate? A: The story goes that it came from Ford Motor Co. The first pick-up trucks made in the U.S. reportedly were shipped to dealers in crates that the new owners themselves had to assemble, using the crates as the beds of the trucks. The new owners had to go to the dealers to get them; thus , they had to pick up the trucks.
John Kennedy Quotes
Southerners have a way with words, and few are better at expressing themselves than Louisiana Senator John Kennedy. He graduated Magna cum Laude from Vanderbilt University, has a law degree from the University of Virginia and a degree from England’s prestigious University of Oxford. Here are some examples of his insight and wit: It is like a frog calling you ugly. (On New York Gov. Cuomo’s lecturing) She can strut sitting down! (On Nancy Pelosi) This election in Georgia will be the most important in history. You have nothing to worry about unless you are a taxpayer, parent, gun owner, cop, person of faith, or an unborn baby! You can only be young once, but you can always be immature. Americans are thinking, ‘there are some good members of Congress but we can’t figure out what they are good for.’ Others are thinking, ‘how did these morons make it through the birth canal.’ Always follow your heart...but take your brains with you. The short answer is ‘No.’ The long answer is ‘Hell No.’ It must suck to be that dumb. When the Portland Mayor’s IQ gets to 75, he oughta sell. I keep trying to see Nancy Pelosi’s and Chuck Schumer’s point of view, but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my a—. Go sell your crazy somewhere else. We are all stocked up here. She has a billy goat brain and a mockingbird mouth! I trust Middle Eastern countries as much as gas station sushi, with the exception being Israel. You can get a goat to climb tree, but you’d be better off hiring a squirrel. 8:00 am—I made a snowman. This has been going on since Moby Dick was a minnow. 8:10—A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow Don’t stand between a dog and a fire hydrant. woman. Our country was founded by geniuses, but it’s being run by idiots. 8:15—So I made a snow woman. It appears that he might do the right thing, but only when supervised and 8:17—My feminist neighbor complained about the snow woman’s volupcornered like a rat. tuous chest, saying it objectified snow women everywhere. He’s dumb enough for twins. 8:20—The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and This is why aliens won’t talk to us. complained that it could have been two snowmen instead. Democrats are running around like they found a hair in If My Memory 8:22—The transgender man, or woman, (person), asked their biscuit. Was Any Worse, why I didn’t just make one snow person with detachable Chuck Schumer just moos and follows Nancy Pelosi into I Could Plan My Own the cattle chute. parts? 8:25—The vegans at the end of the lane complained What planet did you parachute in from? Surprise Party. about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not meant to Just because you CAN sing doesn’t mean tht you should.
It Snowed Last Night…
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MARCH 2021 l Southern Loggin’ Times
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