TOM HAGARTY Formative Feedback
PROPOSAL
From my last semester I was struggling with what style of illustration to work with or even use. I feel that it was useful but still time consuming. What I got out of it was an understanding of the areas I feel strong in and enjoy. For my FMP I aim to touch upon how in the present day woman of a young age and even girls cover themselves in make-up and fakeness to get opposite sex (which has been brought on by the celebrity/pop star culture), when being your self and wearing less make-up is much more attractive and girlfriend marital.
By changing the story of Cinderella which everyone would know, to a more modern day tense and to explain my point clearly. The story would be written by my self with the skeleton of Cinderella, and would be accompanied with illustration. The outcome would be a book. Aimed at people who know the stories of Cinderella and other fairytales. This will be a book from a series of modernised fairytales. I will be relying on BLURB to print out my book, so I will need to give time for the printing
and postage. I am aiming to get my illustrations finished and my story written within 6 weeks, so I can send off my design and it can be printed. Back in time to change and mistakes as well as photograph the book or my portfolio. For my book I would like a dust jacket with a silver foil print on top. Which I will make myself and by screen-printing the foil design on to the cover.
CINDERELLA
With deciding to use Cinderella as my fairy tale I had to do some research in to the story and analyze it so I could get the main structure of the story. By working out the main characters and key parts of the story that people would
remember and under stand from the original. There are a lot of different versions of Cinderella around the world, with: China: Yam-Hsien Vietnam: Tam & Cam Egypt: Rhodopis
Scotland Rashin Coatie France: The Little Glass Slipper Germany: Aschenputtel But I will focus on the German version which was written by the Brothers Grimm.
Characters Cinderella Father Stepmum King Prince Two Sisters Birds
Location Woods Home Palace Kitchen Mother’s grave
Story/Message Looks are not everything Being good will pay off Nothing is what it seems Rags to riches
These spider diagrams are to work out who the people could be in todays world. The main part is having a compleat difference Between Cinderella and the Two Sisters.
A MODERN STORY
Before I stared writing my story I looked in to ways of writing and current fairytales that have been written in a modern time. Two people that have come up with a morphology of fairytales and stories are Vladimir Propp and Joseph Campbell. Both have
a basic understanding of what is needed within a story. These morphologies can be seen in a lot of films one most famously is STAR WARS written by George Lucas. A book written by Angela Carter “Bloody Chamber” has taken some fairytales and changed them
in to a more dark n gruesome story. For example the tale of Little Red Ridding Hood, where the girl fights the wolf and cuts it’s hand off, as it turns out her grandmother is a hand and shes a werewolf.
MY ROUGH STORY
I have written up my new version of Cinderella. This will help me come up with ideas of what can be drawn, these are shown in BOLD.
a Silver-wing. Wiping the tears from her eyes she was overcome with joy. She couldn’t be separated from the bike and rode around the woods just like her mother used to do. Soon after, her father met another woman and before long they were married. The stepmother had two daughters, and they all moved in with (nickname) and her father. Now these three were from the big city; the new wife was not like (nicknames) mother. She only cared about what people thought of her appearance and being rich; so did her daughters. Over time they used the money of the rich man to change their appearances. The two sisters came to believe that they were the most beautiful girls in the land and could get any man they wanted. Being slightly older than (nickname) they bullied her for not having fake tan or anything else and stole her clothes for when they went out.
I am not fully sure if I want to call this Cinderella or maybe come up with a different nickname for her, just so it brakes away from the normal Cinderella story that everyone knows. Before I send this off to the printers I shall have it fully spell checked and use the correct grammar. Also I plan to edit the story and extend the ending so its not so short and quickly finished.
One day (nickname) had had enough of the bullying and cycled off to her mother’s spot. “Oh mother,” she said, “I just don’t know what to do. Father looks happy, but I can see that this woman is using him and me.” Then, twiddling her thumbs, she added, “I don’t want to have these fake boobs or tans, or eyelashes, or hair extensions; I just want to be like you, natural and pretty”. She stood up and wiped away her tears and decided to head home, as it was getting dark.
The wife of a rich man fell sick, and when she felt that she wasn’t going to recover she wrote a letter for her only daughter. The wife told her husband that, upon her daughter’s 16th birthday, he should give her the letter and her bike. Soon after this she passed away. The rich man and his daughter decided to go to the mother’s favourite place in the big woodland park next to their house in the city to scatter her ashes. They walked some time along the rainy cycle path and soon came to the spot. It was a bench under a big old willow tree next to the lake. They stood next to the edge of the lake and said goodbye to the mother. The wind blew the ashes over the lake and up into the air. The father said to his daughter, “Your mother will always be here.” Then, looking over the lake, he said, “She loved you dearly, as do I. Your long white blond hair reminds me so much of her; you are my little (Nickname).” The little girl loved the nickname so much and, seeing how happy it made her father, she insisted that he call her nickname all the time. (Nickname) and her father lived peacefully in their house, and upon her 16th birthday he gave her the letter written by her mother. The letter read: My lovely daughter, you are now 16 and hopefully grown up well. I wanted you to have this now because at this age everything changes and your body will be going through changes which your father won’t be able to help you with. It is only natural, and every girl goes through them. Boys will come and go, but I want you to be yourself and not change to please someone else. They should love you for whom you are. I have left you my bike as a birthday present and hopefully it will give you as much pleasure as it did me. Go to my tree and you will always be with me. I love you. MUM xxx (nickname) was in tears and did not know what to do. Her father took her out to the garage and showed her the bike. It was a shining silver bike with a gold bell on the handles and a basket on the front. It was called
Now the two sisters knew about (nickname) going off on her bike rides and planned to scare her. They lay down pins in the darkest part of the path to PUNCTURE her tyres and hid, waiting for her to ride past. By now it was very late and dark; (nickname) only had the moon as light. She rode straight into the two sisters’ plan, pins went into both of her wheels and she lost control, sliding into a muddy ditch. The two sisters laughed hard, and the oldest said, “Well, at least you’re using a natural mud mask.” Then the youngest said, “But it won’t help you to be as beautiful as me,” walking off leaving her in the mud. A voice came from along the path, “Are you OK? I just saw some odd looking girls laughing about some (nickname).” (Nickname) answered, “No I am not OK. My plastic stepsisters made me fall in the mud and left me here.” A boy with golden hair appeared with his hand stretched to help her out of the ditch and then fetched her bike. He was very impressed that she had such an amazing silver bike. “This bike is very rare, it’s a Silverwing. There were only 300 of them built,” he said in awe. (Nickname) just stood there covered in mud, not knowing what to say. She grabbed the bike, said “good bye” to the golden-haired boy and walked back home. When she got home it was very late and her father and stepmother were waiting for her. “Where have you been?” asked the father. “By the looks of her she’s been in a pigsty,” said the stepmother looking her up and down in disgust. (nickname) told them what had happened but they did not believe her. “My two daughters would not do such a thing; they came home hours ago,” said the stepmother in a very angry tone. “Look what you have done to your mother’s bike! It is ruined and has punctures all over the tyres. I am going to lock this away from you till you learn some respect and to be more like you sisters,” said the father, taking the bike to the garage. (nickname) was so angry, she shouted, “I’m never going to be like them!” and ran up to her room. In the morning she was still angry about what the two sisters had done, so before they woke up she grabbed all their make-up and cosmetics and threw them down the sink. Then she waited at the breakfast table for the
screams to come. The noise was hideous as they squealed, running down the stairs to their mother. “It is all gone,” the oldest sister said. “Our make-up is all gone.” “She did it!” they both said, pointing at (nickname).
running off to the shower. (Nickname) was in such a rush she did not realise that everyone was dressed and ready. The father was unaware of what was going on and was full of nerves:
“Did you do it?” asked her stepmother, but she gave no reply. “Very well. Your father and I were going to let you come to the masquerade party next week at Mr King’s house, the Footballer/model, on the other side of the park. It is his son’s birthday, and he told me he wanted to find a girlfriend for him. It would be a waste taking you anyway as one of my two beautiful daughters would probably be picked. You’re too pale and ugly,” said the stepmother smugly. But the stepmother knew that (nickname) was had potential to look even prettier than her own daughters. While they were running around the house with excitement and kissing there posters of Mr King.
“Man up you fool, let’s get going or we will be late,” said the stepmother. “My girls and I have been getting ready all day; let’s not let that go to waste.” She made them all get into the car while (nickname) was in the shower, and by the time (nickname) had finished everyone was gone.
(Nickname) begged her stepmother to let her go, as she has never been to a party before, but she still said, “No, you’re too pale and always cause trouble. If you really wish to go you must do your chores and everyone else’s.”
Now that she was all dressed up, how was she going to get there? She couldn’t take the road around the forest as it would take ages to get there and she could be seen. Staring at her bike while she was thinking she had an idea: “If I ride my bike through the park, I won’t be seen and I can get there a lot faster,” she thought. She changed her shoes to something more rideable and carrying her mother’s shoes in the bike’s basket, she set off through the woods to the party.
(nickname) started work straight away and by the end of the day the house was spotless apart from herself. Being so tired she went straight to bed. The next few days the two sisters and stepmother kept (nickname) busy cleaning after them. She fell asleep every night as soon as she lay down. But the two sisters saw how well the house looked and panicked, as they didn’t want her to be at the party. They asked their mother how to stop her from going. The stepmother answered, “My two beautiful children, do not worry as she has missed out one room of the house, which is very messy indeed and full of her mother’s old junk.” Then all three started to laugh. A week passed and it was the day of the party. (nickname) went to see her stepmother to ask if she could go. “I have done what you have asked. May I please go to the party with you all tonight?” she said. Her stepmother looked at her and said, “You have done well,” then pausing a minute added, “but you have not done what I have asked; you have missed out on one room.” Her stepmother took her to the garage and said, “If you clean all of this today then you can go, and fix your bike while you’re here.” She thought it was an impossible task. Yet (nickname) was still determined to go and started right away. She started with the dusting and window cleaning. The dust was pouring out of the door and covering her clothes, by the time half the day had gone. Then she started to fix her bike, changing the tyres and inner tubes first, which took some time, as she had never done this before. When she had finished that, she needed to clean off the mud and polish the bike. She looked all over the garage to find some polish but none could be seen. Then she found an old oak chest that belonged to her mother. “Maybe some will be in there,” she said to herself. Upon opening the chest she saw lots of old photographs of her mother, her mother’s old jewellery box, some shoes and a dress. Underneath the photographs was some polish. With excitement she picked it up and started to clean her bike. It wasn’t till the end of the day that she had finished, and she went straight to her stepmother to see if she could go to the party. “I have done what you asked. May I please come to the party?” she said to her stepmother, who gave a swift reply: “Look at you! You are covered in dust and grease, your hair is a mess. It will take ages for you to get ready.” “I can be ready in ten minutes. Just wait, please,” she said,
“That evil fake-tastic plastic woman, I’ll show them, I’ll go to that party with out them knowing” she said to herself. She ran down the stairs and took her mother’s clothes out of the chest. She put on the pair of … shoes, the small … dress, her silver necklace and earrings and her masquerade mask.
As (nickname) arrived, she hid her bike in some bushes and changed her shoes. When entering the party she saw all the people with their smart suits and dresses, their masks hiding their identity, but it was not hard to see her stepmother and stepsisters. Everyone turned to see who had come through the door, but no one recognised (nickname), not even her father. The two sisters walked over and asked “who are you then? I don’t think I have ever seen you before” (nickname) simply walked on by. “What ever, you look fat in that dress anyway,” the youngest sister said trying to belittle her. (Nickname) knew she if she had spoke they would have realised it was her, and she went in to the crowds to hide. Then she saw Mr King’s son, it was the boy with golden hair that helped her from before. (Nickname) was just about to go talk to him when her stepmother moved her aside and pushed her two daughters at him. He looked very uncomfortable, as the two sisters pushed the boobs up and tried to get him to dance. “Come dance with me, I’m the better looking of us” said the oldest. “No come dance with me, my boobs are bigger” said the youngest. Soon both of them were arguing at each other and he snuck away. Seeing (nickname) standing in the corner he went other to her. He said “Hi, its nice to see a more natural attractive girl after being attacked by those messes”. She burst out laughing and said, “I know what you mean”. He took (nickname) out to the garden, as it was so busy inside. “This party is stupid, I didn’t even want it but my dad insisted. Just because I have never had a girlfriend,” he explained. “I have never had a boyfriend,” she said. “Really? I thought a girl as pretty as you would have had lots, the only reason I haven’t had one is because all these girls dress like sluts, I’d want a girl like you,” he said. (nickname) began to blush “ I guess, but I know toughs girls and they dress like that to get a boyfriend, it never works, they just cry and wonder why they get treated badly and used” she said. (The prince) took (nicknames) hand and went inside to dance. They danced and spent all night long in each other’s company and no one could separate them. Until she saw that her stepmother and father were about to leave. She knew that for her plan to work she needed to get back
home before them. “I have to go,” she said to (the (prince) and kissed him on the lips and ran off. The golden haired boy was in shock and asked, “when will I see you again?” She replied “soon, maybe” as she ran in to the park trying to change her shoes. “Who was that girl?” asked Mr King,“I don’t know but I’m going to find out soon,” said the golden haired boy and he went off in to the park. As (nicknames) farther got in to the car he wondered if it was (nickname) but quickly lost his thought as the stepmother shouted out “lets drive already, leave the girls here they can make there own way home” and left the two sister at the party n drove home. (nickname) rode through park as fast as she could in the dark with only the moonlight lighting her path, going over bumps and through ditches. Soon she reached her home, quickly placing her bike in the garage and running in to bed as if she never had left. The next morning [nickname] awoke to peace and quiet. The house was so peaceful she could for once hear herself think. She got out of bed and walked down stairs to the garage to make sure she had put everything the way it was before everyone else was awake. To her surprise she was missing a shoe, she looked high and low for it all over the house but with no success. She quickly got dressed and jumped on her bike to see if it fell from her bag when she was riding back from the party, but she still did not find it. When she got home the golden haired boy and his dad were at the house. “Ah, [nickname] there you are” said her father “you know the King’s don’t you? The footballer” he asked. “Yes father I do, It is a pleasure to meet you” she said turning to them both. “Sorry to be a nuisance but my son here met this mysterious girl the other night and this is her shoe, and he is very determined to find its owner” said Mr King. “No problem, I will get the others out of bed,” said [nicknames] father. He went and awoke them up, not giving them time to even put their make-up on. “Who ever this shoe belongs to will start dating my son,” said Tony King. With excitement the two sisters started to fight to go first, shouting “it my shoe, your feet are to ugly”. The golden haired boy looked at both of them in disgust and then towards [nickname] making and made her put the shoe on, which was a perfect fit. “I knew it was you, as soon as you walked in the door. Please will you come and spend the day with me?” he asked. [Nickname] nodded and then they set off. They spent their day walking round the park and all the other things young lovers do. Lets just hope it’s a happy ever after and not a fairy tale story.
SKETCHES
Thumbnails ASHES
BIKE
MOVING IN
BULLING
MAKE-UP TERMINATE
CLEANING
GETTING TO THE PARTY
PARTY
DROPPED SHOE
HAPPY EVER AFTER
ASHES
This part of the story is the very beginning when her mother dies. I went out and sketched trees and how the looked when they were close together and over lapping. With some of my first drawing I was only focusing on what I had written in my story but after a chat with Mike and some fellow students I felt that I could improve my drawing by giving something a bit more than a representation of what has been written. Also having building in the background would make it feel more modern.
BIKE
As there is no magic in my story how was Cinderella going to get to the ball? Easy answer in a modern time, a taxi, a bike, the list can go on. I decided to use a more personal connection to her mother and chose to use her mother’s bike. The bike I used as a model was a woman’s Pashley classic bike. Drawing up different position of the bike helped me decide how I wanted to have it for when I made the final image.
MOVING IN
Here we have the stepfamily moving in to Cinderella’s life. With these sketches I really wanted to get the detail of the girls and the mother. The boarder will tell I different aspect with make-up, riches and surgical enhancements. I used Anna Wintour as a base of what the stepmother could look like, with a big fur coat and sunglasses. With the two sisters I used Jodie Marsh and Katie Price. Their looks and style is what I wanted to capture.
BULLYING
The two sisters in the original story bully Cinderella and this is something I would to still contain in mine. Bullying is quite a dark thing and I really felt that I should try and create that feeling, with the tow sisters towering over her. In the story pins are laid down to puncture her bike. I found it hard to get the right position for the two sisters but in the end I realised that less detail and just showing some facial features would create a creepy feel.
MAKE-UP TERMINATE
With this part of the story CInderella take the two sister’s make-up and throws it away. I wanted a more comical side to the story implying that the two sisters use so much make up it’s more like chemical waste.
CLEANING/GARAGE
Here I have a lot of possibilities to which drawing to use, between the cleaning or the mother’s box and old stuff. I feel that I need to draw some more ideas before the final outcome.
AT THE PARTY
The party can give me the opportunity to make a double page spread, as there would be lots going on. The film Labyrinth has a masquerade ball filled with people and masks, which are very creepy. I have been drawing up masks and thinking of what would be at a more modern masquerade party, as well as adding some traditional masks. I feel I need to keep drawing some more to get the right outcome for this image.
DROPPED SHOE /SHOE
The shoe is a very iconic part of CInderella so I feel that great detail is needed. Looking at some different but simple shoes. It is possible that I can use the shoe for the cover as well.
LINO PRINTS
Analyzing the prints
Ashes have a strong black contrast and the boarder came out as i wanted with the leaves falling down the image to settle at the bottom. I have put umbrella’s with the people to try and create a depressing feel, but no rain as I was not to sure how it could be done. With Bike I played with the shadows of the trees and light between the trees to show the bike. It has come out very blocked and simple with some detail and effects on the basket and ground with a small scraping tool. Moving In has some mistakes within the boarder and the sisters arms. Yet the detail with this image creates a lot more verity to the print.
These three lino prints work well individually but as a set I am not to sure they do. While in a group tutorial this was brought up. The detail within the Moving In print is far higher than the other two prints. I will need to redo the print and add more detail to the images. Over the time I was making these linos my confidence within carving the lino grew and I feel that a consistent style will help the imagery work as a set.
IMPROVEMENTS TO SKETCHES ASHES
After my group tutorial I started drawing up a more detailed version of the prints. I felt that by adding more detail to the coats and changing the urn so its more visible and that the ashes look as if it’s flowing out of the urn.
BIKE
The same for the Bike print. More detail added to the bike with shading and the wheels. I have played with different ways of drawing a moving wheel. From looking at art in the book Flood by Eric Dooker. I feel this is a grate improvement and will transfer this onto a lino for printing.
SHOE
With drawing the previous shoes it was brought to my attention that they were a bit to simple and old fashioned. So I found a more modern shoe for Cinderella. I feel that this shoe give a strong modern feel and especially in the zip side of the shoe.
LAYOUTS
With using Blurb there are verious set sizes. I choes three sizes to work with and tried layout ideas in InDesign. I feel that the size 18x18cm will work well with my story book.
18X18
20X25
30X30
LINO STORY BOOKS FLOOD
This book is a picture novel by Eric Drooker. His style in his print is very strong. The streaky approach with the rain and other part of the prints give it an edgy and sharp feel. This book has given me some inspiration for my own prints. The use of another colour really helps with detail. As it comes in half way with the book it creates a fresh feel to the book.
This Little Chick
This children’s book by John Lawrence uses colour extremely well. The mixture of black and other printed colours gives an inspirational use of colour. As well some of the animals as show the pigs and duck have been painted with some water-colour paint. This gives a nice texture to the prints.
Wild Party
Wild Party has a strong mixture of illustrations by Art Spigelman. They flow through the text and stand strong on single pages. This books layout and use of text and illustration has helped with the idea of another layout for my book. These print have a use of three colours just like Flood. It gives a good version of depth and detail to the illustrations.
Inspired Layout
With looking at Wild Party and This Little Chick the use of combing the illustration with text works well with those types of books. I have drawn out key things from the story and merged some with the text. It does look very interesting and strong with some images. While designing the prints I will try and use the lino’s to give me the option of this combo or having a image page next to a text page.
USE OF COLOUR
Photoshop
Here I have used Photoshop to try out different colours on the print. I find that I have not used the right colours for the print and I just feel it is to joyful.
Water Colours
From This Little Chick I have used watercolours to paint the white spaces. This works a lot better than the Photoshop colour version. The colour maybe slightly washy so if I decide to use this style of colour I will need to use a more consistent colouring.
BLURB
I plan to use Blurb to create my book. I have ordered a swatch kit to see what types of paper they use to make the book. This means I will have to allow time for my book to be printed and posted; this will be about two weeks.
Sizes
18x18 20x25 25x20 33x28 30x30 13x20 15x23
Prices
Swatch Kit
NEXT
What I plan to do next is to finish off my drawing and get them on to linos as soon as possible. As within the next two weeks I need to send off my book within the next two weeks, to give me a chance to change any mistakes to the book. Another thing I need to do is to design the different covers for my series. I plan to have an iconic item for the cover. For example Cinderella will have a shoe on the front cover and Hansel and Gretel could have some sweats.