Gyro Orientation Magazine 2008

Issue 1 :: Feb 2008

Too cool for school

Credits

Views expressed are not necessarily the views of OPSA

Fleur Kelsey, Rachel Dibble, Sonny Teio, Ryan Ward, Mark Baxter Contributors

Co-Editors Daniel Copeland & Gregor Campbell (03) 477-6974 gyro@tekotago.ac.nz

Unless otherwise stated COPYRIGHT (C) 2008, OPSA

Technical Editor Mark Baxter 021-1146-753 (03) 477-6974 mbaxter@opsa.org.nz

Advertising Nathan Millar 021-181-3151 (03) 477-6974 advertise@opsa.org.nz

www.gyro.org.nz

A high school’s main function is to keep teenagers off the streets and out of people’s way.

Welcome, everybody, to a new year at Otago Polytechnic and a new year of Gyro. To returning students: good to see you again!

To first-years: don’t worry, Polytech isn’t like high school.

You remember high school, of course. You remember the endless popularity contests, having to have the right clothes and fads and catchphrases minute by minute or become a laughing-stock. You remember the boredom, too, practising fractions over and over, dribbling liquids from one tube to another, analysing dull old books to tiny shreds. And you remember how adults dismissed your troubles like they had life so much better figured out. It’s hormones, it’s all so adolescent, damn teenagers and their moods.

You know what? Fifty years ago, they said the same things about women. And they weren’t talking out of their arses — ’50s middle-

class housewives did waste a lot of energy on silly popularity contests. Like teenagers now, they were moody, catty, and bored out of their skulls. Not because they were women, but because they were trapped in little domestic bubbles, with no chance to get out in the real world, take risks, and make a difference. The same thing happens in prisons, only there the popularity contests leave marks.

Teenagers weren’t always like this either. The young were once famed for being full of life and not caring what people thought of them. No, the problem is the system.

A high school is like a kennel or a cattery; its main function is to keep teenagers off the streets and out of people’s way. What’s that?

Learning? You learn fastest when your new knowledge applies directly to your life. It’s also good to have more experienced people around, who you can watch and

ask for help when you need it. At school, all you had was some teacher who wasn’t getting paid enough bitching at you when you got it wrong. As for relevance to your life... yeah, right. No wonder you didn’t learn much — or, if you did, I’ll bet it was mostly in your spare time.

Well, those days are over. At last, you’re learning stuff that might actually take you where you want to go. But more than that: you can make a real difference here and now.

As a student you belong to a team called OPSA, which stands for student rights from the Polytech Council down to your classroom, and also runs social activities and other cool stuff throughout the year. Any OPSA member can be a Class Rep or stand for Exec. Go on, you know you want to.

—Daniel

gyro@tekotago.ac.nz

Zero fees by 2011?

Free education back on the table Following Opposition Leader John Key’s 29 January speech on youth issues, free education is back on the political table for New Zealand tertiary students.

Key announced the National Party’s scheme for a new education entitlement, to be known as a “Youth Guarantee”. All 16- and 17-yearolds will have access, free of charge, to a programme of John Key educational study towards schoollevel qualifications. This, Key said, might be at “for example, a polytechnic, a wananga, a private training establishment, or a combination of these options.” Furthermore, “those choices won’t come with a cost penalty.

Because we don’t think it’s fair that a 16- or 17year-old can get a free education at their local high school, but is asked to front up with as much as $4,000 in fees for a work-skills course at their local polytechnic.”

The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) welcomes the announcement. “Mr Key acknowledges that it is simply unfair that 16- and 17-year olds should pay for tertiary education.

Students agree, and call on this fairness to be extended to all New Zealanders,” says Liz Hawes, NZUSA Co-President.

Hawes also notes the 1990s National Government’s role in the present state of student debt. “Students know all too well why tertiary training and education are out of the reach of many New Zealanders.

Under both National and Labour tertiary costs and debt have spiralled out of control, making quality tertiary education unaffordable... New Zealand needs a tertiary sector that meets the needs of all students, their families and their communities, not more empty promises.”

“Tertiary costs and debt have spiralled out of control...”

Green Party Co-leader Russel Norman strongly criticized Key’s speech for ignoring the “real causes” of the problems facing young New Zealanders. “We were hoping that National would support a universal student allowance and moving towards fee-free tertiary education so that all young people could get access to

tertiary education regardless of w h i c h neighbourhood they grew up in.

After all, John Key got free education. But no.”

Norman told Gyro that if the Greens form part of the Russel Norman next government they will be pushing for a universal student allowance so that students “don’t have to borrow simply to live”. Additionally, although he does not believe free education can be achieved all at once, Norman stated that the Greens’ goal for tertiary education is zero fees. Asked how long this goal might take to achieve, Norman replied that it depended how much bargaining power the Greens had in the next government, but ideally before the 2011 election.

When contacted by Gyro, Liz Hawes said NZUSA is “delighted” by the Greens’ position. Hawes praised the Greens’ “philosophy of the public good”, noting that an educated population would result in “a more educated, tolerant, and freer society.”

What do you think?

Let Gyro know: gyro@tekotago.ac.nz

Drastic cuts for Canterbury University?

Canterbury University intends to cut over twenty jobs from its College of the Arts.

Under the recent proposal, American Studies and Theatre & Film Studies will be dropped at the end of this year, with the loss of 13.5 full-time equivalent academics and eight general staff. Vice-chancellor Professor Roy Sharp said the redundancies (which amount to a $2.5 million saving) will allow for growth in other areas.

“The decision to cut staff numbers appears to be largely based on the former bums-onseats funding model, despite the new tertiary education strategy,” says Association of University Staff Canterbury Branch President Professor Jack Heinemann.

“If Canterbury it is to maintain a position as a leading and academically vibrant university, then senior management need to inspire funding reforms both

National U-turns on loans National Party leader John Key stated on 31 January that a National Government would retain the Labour Government’s interest-free student loan policy, adding a bonus for early repayments.

In 2005, when Labour promised to scrap interest on loans, Key responded that National would oppose the move “with every bone in our bodies”. Mr Key said that, with half a million New Zealanders now having interest-free loans, it would impose a big cost on them to go back to charging interest. He intended to encourage graduates to make voluntary payments and pay off their loans faster, at an estimated $15 million cost to the Government.

Asked what had changed, Key replied: “We lost the election.”

Auckland University Students’ Association (AUSA)

Education Vice President Sophia Blair’s commented “We look forward to further policy announcements from National that address the drivers of debt in the first place — the lack of student allowances, and continuously rising tuition fees.” AUSA President David Do added: “We look forward to a bipartisan commitment towards addressing the drivers of debt. We call on both Labour and National to commit to a universal living allowance for all students.”

The Education Forum, a Wellington-based organization whose members include New Zealand Business Roundtable Executive Director Roger Kerr, criticized National’s new position, describing interestfree student loans as “an unaffordable and wasteful tertiary education policy”.

locally and nationally rather than simply balance the books.”

Canterbury Pro-Vice-Chancellor Ken Strongman described the Theatre & Film Studies programme as “very costly” and both subjects as “peripheral”. He pointed out, however, that the idea was merely a proposal at this stage.

“If Theatre and Film Studies came up with a private benefactor who could put up

$200,000 a year, I would say ‘great’.”

—Sources: Scoop.co.nz, Stuff.co.nz

Polytechnic, University to collaborate on design The School of Design at Otago Polytechnic is poised to collaborate closely with the Department of Design Studies at Otago University.

The two schools have developed a memorandum of understanding to that effect.

The collaboration will involve sharing resources, and is likely to include joint teaching.

According to OP Chief Executive Phil Ker, the University’s Design Studies “have a different focus”, but both they and the Polytechnic can gain by combining resources.

“The two together have strength sufficient that it’s of interest nationally,” says Tertiary Education Minister Pete Hodgson. He adds that

the Dunedin City Council “are already involved” in the collaboration, along with a number of companies that he does not specify (“I can’t announce any great outcome yet because the discussions are still under way.”)

Ker states that “creative industry” — that being a generic term covering disciplines including art, IT, and design — is one of the top five industries in the country. Otago Polytechnic and Otago University are set to tap into that industry.

Regrettably, time constraints prevented Gyro from discussing the new developments with Design School head Alistair Regan before going to print.

houses the Hospitality course, including Café Brie and the Joseph Mellor Restaurant. Ker says that moving these parts of the Polytechnic down to the central campus would “add significantly to the atmosphere” at Forth St. The move would thus add value to OP while also being a “very significant cost saving”.

Tertiary Education Minister Pete Hodgson says there is “a bunch of thinking to be done about the costs and benefits” of the move; since leaving the Tennyson St site will grant the Polytechnic “some proved efficiencies”, Mr Hodgson says the Government would expect the Polytech to put the money saved into other aspects of education.

Tennyson St campus to close Otago Polytechnic’s satellite campus on Tennyson St is set to close, with all major functions transferred to the Forth St campus.

OP Chief Executive Phil Ker told Gyro the move would go ahead as soon as funding was confirmed from the Tertiary Education Commission. Ker describes the current facilities

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as “old, tired, and costly to refurbish”. The three buildings of the Tennyson St campus would fail many current building requirements, making renovation a major undertaking.

There were therefore “significant operational economies” to relocating the satellite campus’ facilities.

The Tennyson St complex

Gaza/Egypt border breach closed Palestinians in the Gaza Strip have settled back into siege conditions after twelve days of freedom and shopping that flooded the territory with Egyptian goods.

On Wednesday 23 January, Hamas blew and bulldozed a number of holes in the wall between the Gaza Strip and Egypt near the border town of Rafah. Egyptian border guards stood by without intervening as tens of thousands of Palestinians poured through the breaches on foot, in cars and in donkey carts. Egypt’s Foreign Ministry spokesperson Hassam Zaki described the situation as a “humanitarian crisis”. “We are not opening the Rafah crossing just for everybody to cross — we’re opening it because it’s a very dire humanitarian situation.”

The area’s borders had been closed since June 2007, when militant Palestinian party Hamas took control of the Strip from Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, leaving his Palestinian Authority in control only of the West Bank. Hamas fighters then began a rocket barrage against nearby Israeli settlements.

By January the situation was becoming critical, as Israeli Defence Minister Ehud Barak ordered a halt to all imports.

With no fuel reaching its only power plant, Gaza had come to a near halt on Monday 21 January. Communications were down and hospital patients had reportedly died.

Since Israeli settlements were

cleared out of the Gaza strip in 2005, border security has been managed with EU and Israeli involvement. Israel uses cameras and computers to track everyone who passes in and out of Gaza, which Hamas finds objectionable.

Hamas has demanded that the Rafah crossing be operated through an agreement between themselves and Egypt.

However, any such arrangement would jeopardize Egypt’s relations with its neighbour Israel, who (along with the international community) have refused to recognise Hamas’ control of the Gaza strip.

Egyptian police rebuilt the border blockade on Sunday 3 February with huge metal spikes and shipping containers.

Hamas leader Mahmoud Zahar says there are “big issues” between Palestine and Egypt, as the border with Egypt “is the only lung we can breathe through.”

Meanwhile, while the supplies from Egypt provided a quick fix, there were no long-term solutions to Gaza’s economic problems. Gaza still receives much of its fuel and electricity from Israel. Hamas Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh says he would like to see that tie cut: “We want to move toward economic disengagement from the Israeli occupation. Egypt has a greater ability to meet the needs of Gaza.”

—Sources: ABC News, Associated Press, CNN.com, Electronic Intifada, Ha’aretz

World fake poo shortage UK joke shop company SillyJokes is running out of good fake poo; they say there is a worldwide shortage.

Customers have been returning fake poo made in China and Thailand, saying it is not realistic enough. Meanwhile the UK’s last fake poo maker has retired.

Fake poo is not only used for practical jokes. International charity WaterAid uses it in public demonstrations to raise awareness of the 2.6 billion people living today without sanitation.

—Source: ResponseSource

Church to picket memorial services An anti-gay church plans to picket memorial services for recently deceased Brokeback Mountain star Heath Ledger.

The Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church says: “God hates fags and fag-enablers! Ergo, God hates the sordid, tacky bucket of slime seasoned with vomit known as Brokeback Mountain...

Heath Ledger is now in Hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there — beside which, nothing else about Heath Ledger is relevant or consequential.”

—Source: Westboro Baptist Church

Man clones himself Stemagen, a private research company in California, has cloned human embryos from adult DNA. In January, Stemagen CEO Dr Samuel Wood used DNA from his own skin to create five embryos from donated unfertilized egg cells. The embryos were destroyed in the process of study.

—Source: Reuters

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Welcome from the Presidents Co-presidents A big hello and welcome from your CoPresidents.

It’s nice to see that you’ve found one of OPSA’s many information sources, and I’m sure you’re all well on your way to getting settled in at your respective study.

Through the year we will keep you up to date with what’s happening around the place that concerns you as students.

Coming up in the Orientation season are tons of events and gigs that you can check out. The OPSA staff and us have been working for the last few weeks ensuring that there is an event to suit everyone. If you find that there isn’t an event for you and your crowd, let us know and we’ll see what we can do.

We recently returned from Wellington for NZUSA’s January Conference.

You may have seen us on the TV taking part in a protest march to Parliament rallying support for increased student allowances, which haven’t increased since 1990. We would love all of your support on issues like this in 2008 as there are protests and rallies planned throughout the year for many different issues.

In closing: if any of you guys have any questions or queries, feel free to talk to us anytime.

We look forward to seeing you all throughout the semester and will keep you updated with all the gossip.

Meegan Cloughley & Ryan Ward OPSA Co-Presidents 2008 president@opsa.org.nz

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Vice-president Name: John Cannan Course: Diploma in Applied Social Services (specialty) Counselling School: School of Social Services OPSA Vice President 2008 I would like to introduce myself to you. I’m 44, remarried, and have three teenage daughters, but when it comes down to it I’m a student, concerned about issues facing students and willing to stand up and do something about it. The OPSA team is working together to do the very best it can to make sure you the student get heard. High fees and low living allowances — something must be done about them, and we’re the team to do it. Your CoPresidents Meegan and Ryan care about what happens to the students on this campus, and as Vice President I support them 100%. I have just been to NZUSA conference and had the chance to see the Presidents in action. We have two people who know how to get the job done. My job as Vice President is to support Meegan and Ryan.

I will also be taking on the role of Men’s Welfare Officer, and Mature Students Welfare Officer. More about those roles later. It’s 2008; let’s make it the year of the student.

Cheers, John vp@opsa.org.nz

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3. Should you wear underwear to a toga party? a) Yes b) No c) Only to lose it 4. It’s Monday. You have no money, no food, your allowance isn’t due till Tuesday. Who should you go and see? a) The mongrel mob for a drug deal b) OPSA c) Cash Converters to sell your mp3 player d) 82-year-old Aunty Margaret from your mum’s side of the family 5. Name the bar that is NOT in the Octagon. a) The Terrace b) Ra Bar c) Alibi d) The Bowler 6. Orientation Tickets are available from... a) OUSA b) Ticketek c) Real Groovy d) OPSA

9. What is Dunedin’s main street? a) Castle Street b) George Street c) Hanover Street d) Princes Street 10. Where can I go to get DCC rubbish bags, phone cards, ID Cards and access to Unipol Gym for sweet fuck-all? a) Hell b) OPSA c) Fluid Coffee d) Just try begging

Answers: 1. D 2. D 3. A 4. B 5. D 6. A & D 7. B 8. B 9. B & D

2. Name the headlining act of Orientation act this year. a) Salmonella Dub b) The Living End c) Die, Die, Die d) Supergroove

8. Which is a better lease? a) Fixed term b) Periodic c) None d) The landlord’s

(George St becomes Princes St south of the Octagon)

1. The date is 16 August. It’s 7am and you get up to go to class.

What are you going to wear? a) Shorts, light tee and jandals b) Jeans and a tee c) Jeans, thick shirt, and light jacket d) Two layers of polyprop, thick pants, alpine socks, snowboarding jacket, beanie and gloves

7. From which student magazine can you find all the info on Orientation and have a good laugh at the same time? a) Critic b) Gyro c) Craccum d) Salient

10. B

Many have failed to stand up to a full year of Dunedin study and social life combined.

The question is: can you handle the jandal?

Fiery Salsa You’ll need: 1 red or green pepper 1 large onion 2 tins of tomatoes several cloves of garlic chilli powder blender microwave If you have a favourite salsa, go and steal the list of ingredients from it — all the fresh ingredients should be available and the preservatives, antioxidants, stabilizers and other additives won’t be needed since this stuff is for the weekend and not for next year.

Cut the onion in half, peel the garlic, cut the pepper and the tinned tomatoes into small chunks. Cook half the onion and the garlic (as much or as little as you want) until soft — they can be fried if you don’t have a microwave.

Put everything else except the raw onion in the blender and blend until smooth, adding the cooked onion and garlic. Add the chilli powder in very small amounts and taste after blending. When the flavour is as hot as you want it, add the raw onion coarsely chopped and blend just long enough to break up the pieces. Keep chilled and serve with a lie that it’s an old family recipe.

Tahuna Park Boot Sale It’s advertised every Saturday in the paper: “Sundays if fine” — and on fine Sundays you’ll find it off Victoria Rd next to the Tahuna Park motor camp.

Eight in the morning is a good time to get there if you want to sell, and all you need to do is drive up, find a place to park, put your boxes out/set up a table/open your hatchback and start selling.

You’ll need five dollars for the organizer who’ll drop by sooner or later, but from then on it’s all yours.

If you’re buying, there’s plenty of parking on the street and it’s a relaxed wander around the goods on offer. Some of the sellers are regulars and some are just people clearing out all the stuff they don’t need, hoping to make a few dollars and some house room at the same time.

If you can cope with Sunday mornings, it’s well worth a look and the beach is just around the corner.

A Chat with the Minister Gyro gets cosy with Pete Hodgson Daniel Copeland

2008 is an election year. Expect big slanging matches between was to be abolished by National, who in fact replaced it with politicians of all stripes, and regular storms of scaremongering something that was somewhat more expensive, and through the and bullshit. So Gyro decided to get in before all that started, and ’90s the cost of tertiary education for the student rose very interview Pete Hodgson, Dunedin North MP and new Minister of steeply.”

Tertiary Education, about what he does.

When Labour got back in, they started reducing the cost on Hodgson has two other portfolios as well: science and economic students — bit by little bit. “There’s always been a tension between development. It’s all part of what’s been called the “knowledge the student body and this government which has been ‘Thank economy”; these specialties have also been combined in the UK, you, but it wasn’t enough as far as the students are concerned.’

Australia and Ireland. “So my job is to explore all the synergies And I freely acknowledge that.” Student loan interest cuts, Fee which exist between the portfolios — to ensure that New Zealand’s Maxima, borrowing limits — “In every budget we have improved economy transforms faster than it otherwise would. That’s damn the lot of students, sometimes by a tiny amount, sometimes by a near a metaphysical answer, but it’s up there that I have to start significant amount.” But “the tension will always remain, because thinking.” the students’ opening position will be: ‘I want to go to university, What is the tertiary education strategy? Well, until recently and I don’t want to pay. What’s wrong with that?’ There’s plenty universities and polytechs were funded by how many student wrong with it. There has to be a contribution from the student; bums they could get on seats — which got lots of people into there has to be a contribution from the taxpayer. We don’t do 100/ them, but “there were a series of side effects and downsides which 0 in our thinking.” started to become quite serious.” As they went marketing to grab At this point, your intrepid Gyro reporter makes a bit of a fool of students, the quality of what they offered dropped off. A himself. Could there be a connection, I ask, between student debt “somewhat dog-eat-dog set of relationships” broke out among and the property price crisis that’s hit New Zealand in the last polytechnics. “This is not to blame polytechnics. They were couple of years? It’s hard to get a house when you’re in debt... rationally responding to the policy signals of the day. The blame, “Yeah,” says Hodgson, “but if you’ve got fewer people in the if you would use the word blame, rests market the price of houses would come with us.” down. You’ve got to try and get your “...through the ’90s the cost argument sorted here.”

So the Tertiary Education Commission talked to each of New Zealand’s 110He’s right, of course; I should have of tertiary education for the odd tertiary institutions, and allocated thought my idea through before asking. student rose very steeply.” funding on the basis of those With low demand, cheaper sellers get the discussions. Quality issues and customers, and prices fall. With high regional interests became just as demand, supply gets scarce, so prices rise. important as bums on seats. Now, if an institution suddenly takes That’s pretty basic, and I did know it, honest. It’s not always that on a whole lot more bums without talking to the TEC, those bums simple. I had an inkling that wealthy people wanting rental won’t get funded. Big difference. properties might outbid the average Joe and Jane (with their two Hodgson gets down to specifics for Otago Polytechnic. “Otago’s student debts) buying their first house, so they’d rent a place obligations in Central Otago are important, and are not going to be instead, thus making rental properties more desirable... but I didn’t done by anyone else, and are being done well. But if you go to explain it very well, and we were at cross-purposes after that.

North Otago that can be done by Aoraki.” Meanwhile, Aoraki are Agree or disagree, it’s easy to see why Hodgson sails through to concentrate on their own region, rather than spreading across every election to win Dunedin North hands down: he’s surely the country. Hodgson gives more examples of things that Otago among the brighter MPs in the House. That said, sooner or later, are talking about with the TEC — moving out of Tennyson St; somebody other than Labour will be running the country. Maybe reconfiguring midwifery training; co-operation between the Design — who knows? — next year. Then the bit-by-bit approach to School and the University’s Design Studies Department (no big tertiary education may well backfire. We shall have to see. announcement yet, the discussion’s not finished).

I go back to the thing about quality dropoff. Hodgson’s example: Otago used to offer a Computers for Free course which got Government funding despite not offering assessment. “Otago took advantage of poor policy” — but only slightly, “so, when that had to be wound back, the institution shuddered, but it didn’t fall over.” Hodgson hastens to add that OP generally “is a very high quality institution, well governed and well managed, and I’m asserting that.”

What about rising fees and rising costs? “The fees system came in, in some level, in 1990 under the Labour government. Then it

No Weeds Under Our Feet Please Rachael Dibble (former OPSA president) Over the last 18 years New Zealand has This is just for past current been growing an enormous noxious weed and that was planted in the heady days of students. What their welfare cuts, selling-off of state-owned about enterprises and the introduction of a toxic children... if they can afford to have fertilizer called “User Pays”.

With significant cutbacks in health and them? Can this welfare spending, the economic d e b t - l a d e n environment saw unemployment levels generation save for a mortgage, save for reach new heights and responded with a retirement, save for their children’s renewed push into tertiary education and education and meet general expenses as a huge growth in the Private Training well as paying off their own education? The Enterprise sector, in effect laying down a distressing reality of the unsustainable chemically fertilized soil which our native User-Pays education system on plants (students) were expected to grow individuals and the wider community must be addressed. in.

The average degree is $5000 per year x 3 Something indeed did grow. Rapidly. years = $15,000, and if the student is under The roots of this noxious weed started with 25 (and therefore must be means-tested on a relatively low flat tuition fee that, by 2006, their parents income), or has to borrow had escalated to a huge $5000 per year per $5000 per year to live, then the debt on student. And like the banana-passion vine graduation is about $30,000. Potentially that is smothering the hills around Otago, the student will end up charging exorbitant the roots of this tuition fee are only one consultancy fees for educational part of the problem. The other part of the knowledge about sustainability as they will problem are the creeping vine tendrils need to pay back their debt. We need known as “living costs” that are strangling graduates in areas that society has a the natives... shortage of, and Prior to 1992 the these areas — most majority of students often social “What about their chil(about 87%) at a public services, health and tertiary institution dren... if they can afford education — are received some form of underpaid. It is to have them?” living support. unsustainable to However, less than half the individual to — (about 36%) of students studying take on a $30,000 debt only to end up received an allowance in 2001. In order to underpaid. And the so the creeping vine eat, sleep and pay rent while studying, the worms its way into another educational rest of the students had to invite that creep garden and the noxious cycle continues. of a vine right on into their lives... and until Can we justify throwing our plastic bags very recently had to pay compounding into plastic bags in order to be buried in interest on it. the ground? Can we justify the sometimes The User-Pays system for education (and murderous plundering of natural resources health for that matter) has been creating a and the use of carbon based fossil fuels? debt-laden generation who are stuck in an Can we justify giving our children’s unsustainable cycle of debt that is clearly children an educational future based on impacting on Kiwi traditions such as home long term debt? ownership and childbearing.

If sustainability is about making the future For many, sustainability means (but is not a better place for our children and their limited to) recycling household waste, and children, then it’s about free education. It’s growing a garden. At times the impact of about the past and how we can look back global warming can make one feel very at where we have been to see where our gloomy, but we think, “well, at least I can future is going. It’s about ensuring there is do my bit in my own home.” All very well access to sustainability education. and good, but if Generation Debt struggles to save for a deposit, let alone be approved a mortgage, then they are stuck in the A sustainable education is a free renting game... and “my own bit” becomes education. that much more removed.

Welcome to the new Gyro feature, where we ask the three local MPs a question and they have to answer it in 150 words or less. We’ll be running this column till the election.

The Government have changed the rules for tertiary institutions.

Once they got funded per student and that was pretty much it — well, “equivalent full-time students”, which is a little more complicated, but still basically about student numbers. Now the institutions have to sit down with the Tertiary Education Commission and discuss courses and quality and outcomes and everything. In particular, polytechs who try and teach the same thing some other polytech is teaching in the same area are getting told “Forget it.”

And we’re wondering...

“What effect will the new funding rules have on regional polytechnics such as Otago?”

Pete Hodgson: [Pete discussed this in depth in our interview with him — see page 10 — and making him discuss it again would have been a bit redundant.]

Katherine Rich: The new rules mean a reduction in funding for some regional polytechnics, particularly those which offer courses to students who live outside the institution’s home region.

Metiria Turei: The Greens are cautiously optimistic that Otago Polytech will be better off as a result of the new funding rules.

But the test of these rules will be whether tertiary providers meet the true needs of students and communities. Our economic development is dependent on a truly sustainable environment and just society.

Challenges such as climate change and the end of cheap oil can only be met by skilled communities with solutions that are both effective and fair.

Polytechs are a key resource for communities wanting to work cooperatively to become more sustainable. They are highly valued for their expertise in teaching skills for sustainable development. They have a great capacity to meet changing societal needs quickly. By reducing the need to compete for students, and by getting rid of the turf wars, I am hopeful that more energy and money will go into those things that really matter.

Gyro: Well, Katherine Rich wins the succinctness prize. Metiria and Pete between them cover a lot of the issues; turf wars and deteriorating quality are good reasons to change your approach to things. Some have suggested that the Government is secretly trying to take control so’s they can dictate what polytechs can and can’t teach, but then whenever a government does anything there will be whispers to that tune. Which is just as well, of course — price of freedom, eternal vigilance, and all that — and naturally you wouldn’t expect a government MP to let on if they were; but in this case not even the Opposition MP is making such a suggestion, so I guess we can lay that one to rest. Can we?

Book Review Abashed I Stood

Film Review Alvin and the Chipmunks

Author Fet Milner

Director Tim Hill Starring Matthew Gray Gubler, Jason Lee, Justin Long, Jesse McCartney

Reviewer Daniel Copeland David has two mothers. One is Kate Martin, an alcoholic failed playwright turned art critic; the other is Lilith, the Night Hag, Queen of the Palaces of Hell. His father’s employer, the ludicrously wealthy Solomon Wieczny, chooses him as an heir for reasons that never become entirely clear. However, Lilith also has plans for her boy...

Abashed I Stood is New Zealand author Fet Milner’s first novel. It’s hard to know what to make of it — is it, as M i l n e r himself c o y l y suggests early on, “ S o m e pseudo-intellectual postmodern wank-fest of a book?” Well, he’s put quite a bit of effort into making it look like one.

All the usual signs of postmodern wank are here — conversation without speech marks, liberal use of the words “fuck” and “penis”, and those flowery phrases that are the writerly equivalent of checking yourself out in reflective surfaces as you pass by. Some passages just beg to be mocked: “I feel an overwhelming pity for the heterosexuals of the world, knowing as I did that while they could come close, within metaphorical millimetres, of love, they could not realize the all-consuming oneness of the flesh that we are able.” And yet...

And yet, somehow, I can’t help feeling the joke is on me. Milner is having fun pretending to be pretentious. He has a knack for disturbing imagery, and a sense of the absurd combined with artful comic timing, which make Abashed I Stood interesting if not entirely pleasurable reading. I’ll be looking out for more from him in the future.

Game Review Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare Makers Infinity Ward Consoles Xbox 360

Reviewer Ryan Ward

Reviewer Ryan Ward

I’m sure we all remember the old Alvin and the Chipmunks cartoons from back in the day of pre-school (or that may just be me showing my age, ha ha). The witty, furry and adorable Alvin, Simon and Theodore entertained us with non-stop comedy and hilarity throughout our childhood.

Now they’re back, bigger than ever, in digital quality.

The main thing to remember when trekking down to the cinema to see this is it is a children’s movie — with a few quirky adult jokes thrown in for good measure.

Honestly? I found the movie a great laugh. When failed Musician David Seville (My Name is Earl’s Jason Lee) is booted out on his arse by a big-shot record label he meets (rather surprisingly, given the title) the chipmunks.

After the chaos dies down and the moral lessons are learned, a decent movie with a plot becomes apparent and some chipmunk loving happens.

Jokes?

So the main point is: if you’re up for a laugh, go and see it, OK?

Some of the second-year students may remember my review on Halo 3 when it came out in October ’07.

Just so you know, Call of Duty 4 is so much fucking better.

You begin the game playing two roles, that of a SAS new recruit and a marine in the middle east, who end up fighting the same war but from different ends. The realism of this game is the thing that makes it stand out from other games — the pure fact that you get shot, you die.

Full stop.

The attention to detail is stunning and the weapons are a selection of real weapons used by today’s specialist soldiers. Airstrikes, helicopter gunships, Stun Grenades, Claymores, C4 explosives, and that’s just the perks. The true power lies in the types of firearms used.

From 9mm pistols to Desert Eagles, MP4 assault rifles through to the barrett .50 calibre sniper rifle. And that’s just in-game.

Log in to Xbox Live and you enter a world of warfare never talked about before. The ranking system actually reflects your skill and experience.

Also, if you’re not good enough to give a weapon what is deserves, you don’t have it. And you rank up in gameplay, so other players know exactly what you’re capable of.

All in all this is a must-have for any Xbox 360 owner and a damn good reason to get one if you’re not.

Available at any Xbox console dealer.

Kia Orana, Talofa Lava, Malo e lelei, Fakaalofa lahi atu, Taloha ni, Ni sa bula, Greetings and Wasabi?

Welcome to a new year of studies. If this is your first year at Otago Polytechnic, congratulations on making a great choice for your life. If you are a returning student, congratulations to you also for coming back. My name is Sonny Teio, I am a Cook Islander with Rarotonga and Mangaian descent. I am in my final year here as a student and I must say that the last 3 years have gone so quick. So buckle your seatbelts and get ready for an amazing ride.

If you are wondering why am I

writing this column: this column is to represent all Pacific Island students here at OP. We are Poly PI and we meet together to support and encourage our brothers and sisters in our studies. Sometimes we play sport or meet somewhere to eat.

So make sure you check out the next GYRO mag and noticeboards for the latest news. Our first event is the umu held at the Student Centre on Wednesday 20 February at 10am.

Otago Polytechnic Pacific Island Centre The main role of the Pacific Island Centre is to provide support to Pacific Island students and to staff who are directly involved in their learning. Academic mentoring, peer tutors and a range of individual issues support is available. On application, if you identify as being from the

Pacific, you will be contacted by letter offering support in arranging study. The Centre has a strong network of Pacific people who can act as speakers for meetings and translators and interpreters in most of the Pacific Island languages.

The Centre also operates a Scholarship system for prospective students and students already attending programmes at Otago Polytechnic. If there is enough interest, the Centre runs parttime courses in various Pacific languages and culture.

For further information, please contact Tasi Lemalu at 03 479 6051 (leave a message in her absence) or visit her at Room F106 of F Block.

Office time: 9:00am—3:00pm, Monday to Thursday.

Word of encouragement “The death of fear is doing what

OTAGO POLYTECHNIC STUDENTS’ ASSN NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR MEMBERS OF THE 2008 EXECUTIVECOMMITTEE Up to twelve places are available on the 2008 OPSA Student Executive Committee.

Nominations will be accepted from any 2008 enrolled Polytechnic student (studying for at least 6 months part/full time) and must be on the nomination form provided from the OPSA Office or printed in Gyro – your student newspaper.

Nominations close on Monday 17th March and should be handed in to the OPSA Office by 3.00 pm Nominees requiring extra information or a copy of the Job Description, can contact OPSA for more details. OPSA expect all nominees to be available for Executive Committee Training over a weekend to be held early April.

Election of Executive Members will be held at the OPSAANNUALGENERALMEETING which will be held on Wednesday 19th March 2008 (Student Centre Bayrooms) 12 noon.

Each nominee will be expected to give a brief verbal address at this meeting prior to election, which will be held by a “show of hands”.

you fear the most” I remember my first week of class in my studies, thinking that I’d made a mistake and that there was no way in the world that a coconut from South Auckland was going to finish this degree. 3 years later and 4 papers to go, I’m nearly there.

Why? Because I decided that there was no way out and that my ancestors were tough enough to travel miles in a canoe here to New Zealand. If they had the strength to do that then I could do this — and so can you if you only decide to.

Choose to face your fears and do it anyway! You will be surprised by what you can do!

Fear is only “False Evidence Appearing Real”.

Sonny Teio Poly PI Represent Hard! www.bebo.com/C-I-SONS

21 February Nominations open for 2008 OPSA Executive Committee 27 February OPSA first Class Representative Meeting — 12 noon, Bayrooms (upstairs in the Student Centre) 11 March Maori Student Meeting — 12 noon, Bayrooms (upstairs in the Student Centre) 12 March International Student Meeting — 12 noon, Bayrooms (upstairs in the Student Centre) 12 March NZ BLOOD SERVICE collection — 11.30am—3.30pm, Student Centre 13 March Pacific Island Student Meeting — 12 noon, Bayrooms (upstairs in the Student Centre) 17 March OPSA 2008 Executive Committee nominations close 19 March OPSA Annual General Meeting — 12 noon, Bayrooms (upstairs in the Student Centre)

Doctors Point to Mapoutahi by Cave

The first thing you need to do to get here is to check the tide times: an hour or two either side of low tide at Aramoana is OK for this trip. Then take the Northern Motorway to Waitati, a couple of blocks up the main street and turn left where the sign directs you to Doctors Point. It’s a nice little road with nice little views to the beach.

And it’s an easy walk around the point on the beach beneath the cliffs — and beneath a popular launch ramp for hangliding and paragliding.

From sea level you can also see the low rock retaining walls of the railway, built in the 1870s.

You can also see the eastern portal of the Cliffs Tunnel and the stone arch of the bridge just before it.

The tunnel was dug some years after the railway was completed.

The geology there is unstable and the Railways kept two men (with their families) living near the line whose job was to clear the fallen rocks off the line. But this didn’t quite work and in 1888 the Christchurch Express almost made history when the engine hit a boulder and derailed — luckily inland rather than out.

At the end of this beach is Mapoutahi Pa, scene of the 18th-century siege which ended in bloodied snow and the

deaths of nearly all of the 250 or so defenders. It is said that the pile of corpses looked like a big pile of firewood — “Purakaunui.” It’s easy to see why the near-island made an ideal defensive position when you cross the narrow isthmus to reach Purakaunui Beach.

The isthmus track can also take you up the hill behind Mapoutahi, past an abandoned house site — maybe where one of the railways’ gangers lived — and up the hill to the main

trunk line railway cutting. Here, you really should stop, but locals have been walking the line for as long as it’s been there and, if you were to follow it, you’d arrive at the tunnel portal and, perfectly safely, take the old cutting to the other end of the tunnel. Take a look over the cliff and down to the beach.

Beyond the tunnel is where the Otago Excursion Train stops for a long look at the view across Blueskin Bay and up the coast towards Palmerston. Not far

from there a steep hillside track heads down to the Doctors Point carpark.

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The Principality of Outer Baldonia Gregor Campbell

There’s not much left of the Principality of Outer Baldonia, that brave little nation that gained citizens, framed a Constitutional Charter and declared war on the Soviet Union. The Prince’s Palace still stands but is little more than a shell. So fall empires, kingdoms and micronations.

The Principality, consisting of the four acre island of Outer Bald Tusket about 8 nautical miles from the Nova Scotia coast, was founded in 1948 by a Pepsi-Cola lobbyist called Russell Arundel who found it while tuna fishing with friends.

Arundel bought the island for $750 and built a stone fishing lodge there for himself and a

few friends. It was during a night’s rum drinking (so the legend goes) that the Declaration of Independence of Outer Baldonia was thought up and written down. It is a fisherman’s Charter, asserting the right “to lie and be believed” and also the rights to “applause, vanity, flattery, praise, to swear, lie, drink, gamble and silence.”

Citizenship was free, but to be elevated to the rank of Prince you had to pay $50 and land a bluefin tuna. Fishing was, naturally, the main industry of Outer Baldonia but the production and export of empty rum and beer bottles was also important. The Charter was published to the world, and Prince Russell listed his phone number as that of the Consulate of Outer Baldonia in the

Washington DC phone book — this was an excellent move which brought many invitations to official functions and even one to join the United Nations. But war clouds were gathering just over the horizon.

A Soviet writer, somehow immune to the effects of irony, thought the Prince and his Charter were serious and denounced him as a “savage Western Imperialist” in the Literary Gazette. This insult was intolerable and the Soviet government were invited to inspect the Principality so they could see for themselves that its citizens were not “decivilized and dehumanized.” The USSR declined the invitation, refused to publish a retraction and a declaration of war was issued.

Aware of the need for alliances when taking on large nations,

Outer Baldonia secured the aid of the nearby Armdale Yacht Club. The combined fleets put to sea on a war footing and there was much catching and interrogation of local fish.

The Soviet Navy failed to put in an appearance and the combined Outer Baldonian forces declared victory. Sadly, the publicity gained by their successful conflict exposed the place for the half-joke it was and invitations to diplomatic events ceased. In 1973 Prince Russell sold his nation to the Nova Scotia Bird Sanctuary for one Canadian dollar. All that survives of the trappings of the nation that took on the USSR is the “A” carved into the mantel of the roofless, floorless Prince’s Palace.

Supergroove Supergroove were ahead of Tickets Tickets to each event are available from the OPSA office, upstairs in the Student Centre on Harbour Tce (where you got your ID card from), open 9am-5pm MonThursday, and 9am-3pm Fridays.

There are door sales to most gigs, but these often sell-out beforehand so there are no guarantees you’ll get in.

ID - Photo-age ID and student ID - will be requested when you buy tickets AND at every event where alcohol is served. No suitable photo-age ID = No entry - even if you have a ticket.

Sure it’s mean but it’s also the only way we can run such events. So you have been warned. Please note there are special conditions for 17 year olds at age restricted gigs.

Also, passes can not be replaced due to loss or damage.

Prices - All prices listed are student prices, and are only available to members of OPSA and OUSA. So make sure you have your student ID card handy.

Orientation Pass - is a bulk ticket that gets you into all the main events for the Orientation festival. This includes all band performances, comedy night, toga party, hypnotist and heaps more...this pass costs only $95 & saves you over $150

Venues Student Centre: On Harbour Tce, opposite the main Otago Polytechnic campus (on the edge of Logan Park).

Union Hall & MCR: Located on the University campus, access from the grassy area opposite the Museum, through the archway on Cumberland St. Refuel: Downstairs from the Union Hall.

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DCOE Auditorium: Next to the OP Library on Union St East (ie intersection of Harbour Tce and Union St).

OP Quad: Centre of OP Forth St campus (ie between Harbour Tce & Forth St) Union Lawn: Grassy area outside the University MCR, access through the archway on Cumberland St (opposite the Museum).

their time when they burst onto the Auckland live scene in the early ‘90s, and created a string of classic Kiwi anthems: ‘Scorpio Girls’ — ‘Sitting Inside My Head’ — ‘Can’t Get Enough’ and ‘You Gotta Know’. After a phenomenal recording career selling close to 200,000 albums, generating six Top 10 hits, numerous NZ Music Awards and touring the world, the group disbanded in 1997.

But now they’re back for Orientation 2008 — and will feature members of all former lineups, including vocalist Che-Fu! For anyone who doesn’t know Supergroove, they are “a volatile concoction of soul, rap, funk combined with a highly extroverted stage performance.

Supergroove are a visual and

Alcohol Alcohol can certainly be fun, but if you drink too much there’s a good chance you’ll regret it later.

And no matter how much you drink, don’t forget to drink plenty of water during the night.

All OPSA events where alcohol is available are R18.

Some OUSA alcohol events are R17 with special conditions for 17 year olds - like absolutely no alcohol whatever. This might sound a bit mean - but it sure beats not being allowed in at all, right?

Sex Don’t forget the simple rule: no glove - no love. Even if it’s the lead singer you’ve been dreaming of scoring since you were 15...

Remember no means no, not ‘maybe later’ and certainly not ‘maybe if I get more pished...’.

Sexual harassment will not be tolerated at any OPSA/OUSA event.

If you have any hassles see the staff immediately.

Well that’s about it - have a great Ori and if you have any questions or problems throughout Orientation - or the rest of the year - ask us at OPSA. That’s what we’re here for.

Mark Baxter Assn. Services Officer

Timetable Mon 18th Gyro out StudentCard on campus all week Student Job Search on campus (until Wed)

Tue 19th Lunch Entertainment (Student Centre), Free Wiki Whakamarama 2008 (bus leaves 9am) KiwiBank on campus (until Wed) Toga Parade, 7.00pm Toga Party, DJ Mandroid, Hayman, 9pm (Union Hall), $20 Afterparty: DJ Premise + Mune, 12 midnight (Refuel)

aural explosion that leave all who have seen them ecstatic.”

The OP Amazing Race The OP Top Fac shield is back!

Two lunchtimes of team competitions on the Polytechnic Quad, including Frozen Haggis Bowling, Waiters’ Race, Firemen’s Relay, Eating Competition and more... Team up with your classmates and enter at OPSA.

The Datsuns The Datsuns are a rock band from Waikato. However, they’re still cool. Damn cool. The Datsuns shot to international fame after the UK music press hailed them as “the future of rock”. They have played alongside Metallica, Ozzy Osbourne, Marilyn Manson, Korn and Disturbed.

The band recently toured Europe promoting their third album, Smoke & Mirrors, and have just completed recording their fourth album in Europe, due to be released in early this year. The Datsuns are a “mustsee” band, so don’t miss them at Ori -- because they’ll cost three times as much next time you see them...

Wed 20th Market Day starts 9.30am (Student Centre) Hangi for Maori Students (Student Centre) Clubs & Societies Day, all day (Clubs & Socs Building, 84 Albany St) Pluto, The Tweeks, The Thomas Oliver Band, 9pm (Union Hall), $25

year’s Toga-party and perfect opener for Supergroove. Their songs cover “virtually every imaginable genre from powerpop to blues-rock, country folk to the sexiest, sweat-drenched funk jams anywhere”, or in the words of bFM’s DJ Rockpig “Funk with balls!”

Tiki Live

Famous OPSA Quiz One of Dunedin’s most fun Quizzes. Bring a team of up to 6 or join a team on the night.

Free entry.

OdESSA Opening act of 2006 Big Day Out, Wellington’s OdESSA is a full on R&B grooving on down act, very popular at last

Afterparty: Vibrasics, RFM, 12 midnight (Refuel) Thu 21st The Amazing OP Race – Day 1, 12 noon (OP Quad, Forth St Campus - Student Centre if wet) Hypnotist - Guy Cater, 7pm & 9pm (DCOE Auditorium), $10 Afterparty: Jazz in Pocket 10.30pm (Refuel)

have recently completed their third album, “Sunken Water”.

Pluto Popular past Ori performers Pluto combine elements of modern Sci-fi-delic, rock’n’roll power, pop sensibilities and gliding vocal melodies, to create music that evokes feelings from all parts of the atmosphere.

The Auckland five-piece have two critically acclaimed albums and an aura of mystique and intrigue; they have become a band known for consistently writing thoughtful, intelligent and memorable songs. Pluto

Fri 22nd The Amazing OP Race – Day 2, 12 noon (OP Quad, Forth St Campus - Student Centre if wet); followed by drawing of “WHO’S WALLY” The Datsuns, KOTAC, The Situations, 9pm (Union Hall), $25 Afterparty: Tahuna Breaks, Shoe Fund, Mercury Crowe, 12 midnight (Refuel)

Former Salmonella Dub front man Tiki has spent several years travelling the world releasing platinum-selling albums, charting hits and sellout tours worldwide. In his downtime, he continued to work alongside of some of the country’s top acts as a singer, songwriter, MC, musician, composer, studio producer and live soundman for acts such as Shapeshifter.

Little Bushmen “Draw the audience in here... Blow them out there. We collectively try to create a journey without

Sat 23rd Tiki Live, Koile, Little Bushman, 9pm (Union Hall), $25 Afterparty: Renegade Sound, Sound Clash Sound System, 1am (Refuel)

>>>

sounding contrived and have made a conscious decision to use influences from the experimental, psychedelic Rock era of the ‘60s and ‘70s: Led Zep, Jimi Hendrix, The Who.”

The Tweeks Whatever became of Dunedin band The Gladeyes? They’re now The Tweeks. Their bag is guitar-pop melodies, with influences from ‘60s English pop, ‘80s Dunedin and Manchester bands, early ‘90s Britpop and grunge, and indie bands from the US and Canada of the last 15 years... that’s every good piece of music from the last forty years. Their sound can be described as dancey-fuzzyguitar-pop.

Taking the Fall Dukes Described as a melodic, harmonic musical powerhouse of groove and catchy tunes, the Dukes are a 4 piece rock’n’rhythm band of soulsters: “Two things happen at every Dukes show. Firstly, the audience starts smiling.

Even the really cool people standing at the back of the room, dressed in black, can’t seem to help themselves. Then most of the room (apart from some of the really cool people dressed in black) starts dancing.”

Mon 25th Mature Students lunch, Bayrooms, every Monday during term Comedy - Kiwi Comedy Club, 7pm & 9pm (DCOE Auditorium), $10

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Taking the Fall’s mix of alternative rock with metal and screamo influences has gained them a reputation as a very tight, original act in the local scene. They have supporting numerous touring acts such as Cold By Winter, Streetwise Scarlet, Not Quite Right, and American punk legends Strung Out.

The Electric Confectionaires Quirky and original, The Electric Confectionaires are a fourpiece from whose music has the feelgood factor -- with an edge

Tue 26th Lunch Entertainment (Student Centre), Free Wed 27th Student Services Day, all day (Student Centre on Harbour Tce) Supergroove, Odessa, The Dukes, The Electric

— of ‘60s and ‘70s influences like the Beatles, Doors, Kinks and Funk Brothers.

Jae Bedford Jae Bedford — world famous in South Dunedin, and a regular OP Happy Friday act. Jae Bedford is a Dunedin based singer/songwriter who cares more about the songs than “some dumb trend”. He loves playing live and has performed all over New Zealand solo and with some successful bands such as Dust n Bones. Jae has made many appearances on television and is very excited about playing Orientation in his home-town as he has for many years. Jae’s new album “Telling stories with chords” will be out in 2008. Catch him at OPSA’s lunchtime free entertainment.

Hypnotist — Guy Cater GUY CATER is a fully trained and qualified Hypnotist and presents probably the funniest show you will ever see! Using just his voice and some beau-

Confectioniares, 9pm (Union Hall), $25 Thurs 28th Wagon Wheels, Oxo Cubans, Fea St Hustle, 9pm (MCR), $15 Fri 29th The Famous OPSA Quiz, teams of up to 6 or join a team

tiful music he gently lulls the volunteers into a hypnotic state ... and then the fun really begins. You just will not believe the crazy antics your friends get up to in their sleep-like state. The next couple of hours are a riot of fun and laughter.

‘Koile ‘KOILE is a 12-man roots/ reggae outfit originally dedicated to Marley anthems and sunshine grooves that make summers memorable. They are Dunedin’s response to the Aotearoa reggae revolution.

The band’s name is a Tokelauan word and refers to the coconut seedling. Every gig begins with a Tokelauan a

on the night, 5.30pm (Student Centre on Harbour Tce), Free Movie - Empire Records, 10pm & Band –Outbreak, 9pm, (Uni Union Lawn), Free

capella to harmonize the voices of the nine members, and then they’re into an act of good old fashioned true-to-itsroots reggae. Let the sunshine in!

The Situations The Situations is a guitar based poppy foursome from, oh, kind of around bits of the North Island. They’ve played support for the White Stripes, and released their first album. They are good keen blokes, that they are.

KOTAC “Disco, princess, brains and the hippy. kapow!” Well that’s what their MySpace page says.

Local Disco House / Zouk / Indie band who claim Nick Cave, My bloody Valentine, and Blonde Redhead as some of their influences. Bound to get the party going off.

Tahuna Breaks There is no denying this Auckland Reggae/Funk/Soul band’s live musical energy.

With influences varying from the likes of Marvin Gaye, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Bob Marley,

Coming events: MP’s Debate, Happy Fridays, St Patrick’s Day Breakfast, Cunning Stunt Competition, Food Festival, and more…

Keep an eye in gyro, or check out OPSA’s social events calendar at www.opsa.org.nz.

UB40 and New Zealand’s own dub and reggae movement, Tahuna Breaks is an excellent blend of funk and reggae with a unique New Zealand sound.

Their unique combination of funk fuelled grooves have successfully helped to impel audiences onto dance floors, cultivating a mass array of energy packed dance at their gigs, and as a result, Tahuna Breaks are generating an ever-growing fan base.

Fea Street Hustle Country / alternative rock act The Hustle aim to make music which is fun, energetic, creative, and progressive while staying true to its country roots. Their live performances aim to involve the audience in the show, making damn sure everyone has a good time y’hear!? They seek to put on a show which sees every toe tapping, every girl dragging her man to the dance floor, and a smile slapped across the dial of every face in the whole damn place.

The Thomas Oliver Band

beats.” Outbreak is bound to get the bogan in you rocking...

Their live shows are a celebration of music and a vibrant journey through blues, energetic rock music, folk, jazz, and an essence of their own.

Hayman!

Outbreak With influences from Van Halen, Guns n’ Roses, Aerosmith, Deep Purple, and Iron Maiden, “We are the new face of Hard Rock. We really know how to throw a rocking party full of screaming yet melodic vocals, face melting guitar riffs and solos, beefy bass lines, and unforgettable drum

Try to translate those mad Japanese game shows into musical form and you start to get some idea of the rampant insanity that is Hayman!

Formed by three Japanese students a few years ago, but has now re-formed with four members, including founding member Kentaro Wada on vocals.

A local band, they play regularly at local venues and pack out every one, with people turned away at the door. It’s rock — but not like any rock you know.

All details correct at time of print – events beyond our control subject to change

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22

The Flying Submarine Gregor Campbell

The same nation that brought the world the flying tank (to be covered in a later edition) had a design for the ultimate fast submarine. This one would do the impossible — fly, then land, then submerge. And fly home afterwards.

Claude Vorilhon was climbing a mountain near his childhood home in Central France one day in 1973 when he met an alien called Yahweh, who gave him a mission: to build an extraterrestrial embassy on Earth by 2035. Vorilhon took the name Rael and quickly gathered a following.

Yahweh was just over four feet tall, with long dark hair, almond eyes, and olive skin: “If he were to walk down a street in Japan, he would not even be noticed.”

His race, the Elohim, created us in their own image with advanced genetic technology, and have been contacting us ever since via prophets like Moses, Buddha, and Muhammad. And Rael, of course.

The Raelians are all in favour of genetic science, especially cloning. In 1997 Rael and some investors founded the company Clonaid, who say they’ve successfully cloned five people — all of them hidden from the

world for their own protection.

However, Rael’s grasp of science is more than a tad shaky: the Elohim designed all Earthly life, having been designed themselves by some earlier alien race... Raelian websites as I write are strangely silent on the genuine, confirmed cloning of human embryos by Stemagen Corporation in January 2008.

Raelians believe in complete sexual liberation. They support women’s rights, especially the right to unlimited sex and nudity. (Why do I get the feeling this is a male gig?) Rael is behind the charity Clitoraid, which aims to restore sexual pleasure to African women who’ve had their clitorises cut out for religious reasons.

Sadly, however noble their goal, they’re just as dodgy as Clonaid.

Rael’s political ideal is called “geniocracy” — like democracy but with an exam before you can vote, and a tougher one before you can stand for office. It’s not an original idea, and G. K. Chesterton’s old answer to all such suggestions stands: “‘Rule of the foolish many by the wise few’ must mean rule either by those whom the foolish many think wise, or by the extremely foolish few who think themselves wise.” Now, what does that make Rael?

Why? Flying to a patrol area would be much faster than travelling on the surface of the water — and could be done over land.

A difficult target could be circled by air and the submarine submerged to wait for its arrival.

Nets and other obstructions at harbour mouths could be avoided by flying into a harbour at night and submerging under cover of darkness.

How? There would be six separate compartments in the vessel.

Three were for the three engines, adapted with waterproof seals for air intakes and exhausts, and whose radiators would be flooded on diving to prevent crushing by water pressure. A fourth was large enough for the three crew to operate the vessel while submerged; the fifth housed the batteries for underwater

propulsion, and the sixth was for the electric motor. There was also a floodable upper compartment which was the conning tower/cockpit — flying instruments would be protected in pressure-resistant compartments while diving.

Two torpedoes did the necessary.

Why don’t we all have one?

The project never got past “project proposal” stage. It was rejected by the authorities in 1937 and later work on the project was a “spare time” effort for its designers. As the political situation in Europe became more menacing, design bureaus concentrated on more conventional technology — though the flying aircraft carrier, which actually saw service, got the nod. But more of that one later.

Where’s it at now?

Post-war development projects were proposed in the 1960s — at least in the US. The US Navy is currently looking at a foldingwing, remotely-piloted plane that can be launched from a submarine, propel itself to the surface, have a look around and return to the sub.

The Duke of Wellington — 1875 Gregor Campbell

As well as the largest selection of British beers in town, the Duke of Wellington also boasts a restored Victorian ceiling and a restored Victorian lift — you’d hardly recognise the lift but the ceiling is unmistakeably opulent.

It’s possible the ceiling was part of the original design when the building was built for Bendix Hallenstein the clothing manufacturer. His factory was on the site behind, and the building now the Duke was built as his warehouse. Hallenstein moved his operations to Dowling St in 1883 and the Rattray St premises became the head office of the National Fire and Marine Insurance Co, which it remained for the next eighty-six years. It would be the insurance company that installed the old lift on view in the bar — originally it had a wire cage around it and was slow enough for those using it to converse with those using the stairs.

National Fire and Marine left the building in 1962 and it had a number of tenants for its heavily decorated ceiling. The Royal Insurance Co took over; then, for many years in the late 20th century, it was the showroom for Mooneys the furriers.

Michael McCarrigan is the man behind the current use for Hallenstein’s old warehouse. He loves the place and is conscious of his role in its preservation understanding that a heritage building that makes money is one that will stay intact.

It’s a good place to sit and watch the world go by. And maybe look up and wonder how much work went into the décor.

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James Kerr and Nicola Hansby Recent Works, Community Gallery, Princes St 25 January—1 February 2008.

James Kerr’s portion of this exhibition is called Un-kept and centres around his experience of a friend’s bach at Warrington.

His bio states that the works are about excitement and adventures in the landscape, alongside the observations and conversations that human made objects (a clothes line, shed, upturned boat) provoke. He also mentions colour, and the ability of colour to reflect, enhance and express feeling.

The paintings reflect a love of colour and Kerr’s ability to convey emotion with the colours he uses. He is not afraid of colour, and although all the paintings are ‘landscapes’ they are lush with purples, pinks and blues rather than the standard greens of many landscapes.

The works convey a desire for immediacy, a want to communicate the feeling rather than the topography of a place.

Many of the works are frenetic, seemingly painted with haste to ensure the emotions stay fresh and bold. The brushstokes are loose and free, and Kerr’s enjoyment of painting and of the landscape are obvious.

Kerr has also included some works from his time at art school (he graduated in 2006 from Otago Polytechnic) which comment on the impact that development has had on the Queenstown area. These works juxtapose the natural landscape with the built-up space of newly built million-dollar

apartments. View of Remarkables and Interior Apartment are particularly successful at highlighting the use/abuse of the landscape at the hands of developers. Both images use the developer’s glass windows and glass table-top to reflect the appropriation of the environment as a device to sell property.

Another highlight is the very abstract Rock study 1 which is full of colour, movement and light. The style of painting is tighter and this gives it a quiet and powerful presence.

Nicola Hansby’s recent works are titled Towards the Trees and pair human and animal forms in settings with trees.

The three works exhibited are complex, delicate works in acrylic and pencil. Fine detail contrasts with sketchy abrasive lines as well as painterly washes. The works speak of psychological tension, of dreams, hopes, the unconscious and our origins as animals. In Rocking Horse a forest intrudes into a couple’s bedroom. Seedlings pop up, and a large tree has fallen behind the bed. The man bears antlers, becomes a rutting stag while the woman cradles her belly. The room becomes womb, housing their anxieties and passions. They cannot stop their baser nature from taking over their sanctuary, and the scene looks set to disintegrate.

The works are unsettling and provoke more questions than they answer, all while being beautiful.

A Night Out With Ryan

Dunedin Pub Guide 2008 Now the main thing to remember when reading this guide is that I actually went out in search of Dunedin’s best bars and clubs, so that you, the student, will know what’s hot and what’s not. I take my job very seriously and maintain my composure and dignity throughout my research project. And yes, I’m a compulsive liar.

9pm: Shower, shave, cigarette, and tequila. The main components to starting a good night out, these things can make or break your night.

9:30pm: Get some music going. To ensure the correct mood and attitude for the night it is critical that you be attuned to the correct genre of music; this, for me, being Green Day. 10pm: The time has come. I await my taxi into town, mates and wingmen in tow. First stop: the Gardies.

10:15pm: Gardies: 5 tequilas, 2 Coronas.

The bar is packed with first-year students, all excited, most only just old enough to drink legally.

I make my way to a table and start setting out some goals for the night: 1—Enjoy it.

2—Get around all the bars on my list.

3—Not go home alone.

All in all, easily achievable goals for me and my mates.

10:30pm: Gardies: 5 tequilas, 4 coronas.

Am drinking way too much, the atmosphere in the bar is OK, handwriting a tad sloppy.

Everyone in bar looks under age except the bar maid. Must get her name.

11pm: The Cook: 5 tequilas, 4 coronas and that shot I did while walking down Castle street.

The bar’s packed and so is my

ego. Lots of fine talent all over the place. Must try and dance with all of them. Must learn to dance. Am downing drinks at an alarming rate. Must slow down.

11:45pm: The Bowler: 5 tequilas, 4 corona, 3 QF, and the random shot of whatever.

Now, aside from smelling like vomit and first-years, the Bowler is not actually that bad.

It’s packed full of talent for all and has a great vibe about it.

The occasional fight erupts so I’m trying to avoid that.

12:30am: 10 bar: Have stopped taking count of my drinks as I just don’t know what the hell I’ve been drinking…

The Octagon’s best bar as far as crowds go. The downside is the 30-minute wait for a bloody drink.

2am: 10 bar: Found notebook again, trying to write while being hassled by a very sexy 19 year old music student. Will fill in the rest in the morning. This could be my last entry for the night.

10am: A flat in Castle St somewhere: The night was good. Not sure what happened to mates but they old enough to know better.

Have done the sly slip out and am waiting on a taxi home.

Overall the bars were great.

Orientation has not let me down.

Over and Out Ryan

Student Services OPSA Your students’ association. They’re here to help you. If you have any questions or problems throughout Orientation or the year, ask at OPSA. That’s what they’re there for. Also, they have cheap photocopying, rubbish bags, phone cards, binding, T-shirts, second-hand text-books, student discount directories, faxes and of course your essential Student ID Card.

Upstairs, Student Centre, Harbour Terrace.

Phone: 477-6974. E-mail: lesleys@tekotago.ac.nz, mbaxter@tekotago.ac.nz, president@opsa.org.nz or vp@opsa.org.nz.

Gyro Your student magazine Gyro comes out about every four weeks. You can pick up your free copy from the Student Centre or around campus, or check us out online at www.gyro.org.nz. All students are welcome to contribute articles, reviews etc. to Gyro, or send in letters.

E-mail: gyro@tekotago.ac.nz.

Student Job Search Need a bit of extra money, a step along your career path or some course-related work while you finish your degree? Student Job Search can help you find summer holiday work and temporary or part-time work while you study. OUSA Building, University of Otago, 640 Cumberland St (opposite Otago Museum). Phone: 474-0597. E-mail: jobs.otago@sjs.co.nz.

Bill Robertson Library The Bill Robertson Library provides library and information services to the staff and students of the University of Otago and Otago Polytechnic. The library in Union Street East houses the Bill Robertson Library’s major collections. 145 Union St East (opposite G Block). Phone: 474-3793.

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Unipol Recreation Centre Access to the centre is free of charge to all students who carry a current ID card (OPSA or OUSA). Cardio room, weights room, punch bags, spaces and equipment for badminton, table tennis, basketball, volleyball, pool, snooker. 96 Anzac Ave (end of Albany St). Phone: 479-5888. Email: unipol@stonebow.otago.ac.nz.

Learning Centre The Learning Centre offers lunchtime workshops on study skills, writing, maths, and finding information, facilitated study groups and tutorials, regular one-to-one appointments with a Learning Advisor, peer tutors, online support through the Learning Centre website, and ESOL conversation and writing groups. Ground floor of F Block.

Phone: 479-3612 or 479-3611.

Childcare Centre For students with young families, Otago Polytechnic’s childcare facilities offer a valuable service. Trained staff provide quality early childhood education and care for children up to five years of age on a full or part-time basis. You are welcome to visit the facilities and talk to staff before enrolling your child. Forth St. Phone: 4796169.

Kaiarahi Maori The role of Kaiarahi is to support Maori students in achieving their study goals, assisting with programme enquiry and enrolment, student loans and allowances, student wellbeing, and accessing grants and scholarships. Daile King, Room F105, F Block, Forth St. Phone: 0800-762-786. Email: kaiarahi@tekotago.ac.nz.

Whanau Room The Whanau Room is a comfortable place for students to gather with friends and whanau. This room has cooking facilities and is a great place to relax and unwind.

Room D103, D block, Forth St.

Pacific Island Centre The main role of the Pacific Island Centre is to provide support to Pacific Island students and to the staff who are directly involved in their learning. The Centre has a strong network of Pacific people who can act as speakers for meetings, and translators and interpreters in most of the Pacific Island languages. Tasi Lemalu, Room F106, F Block. Phone: 479-6051.

International Centre The International Centre is a team of friendly, caring people who will provide support and help to international students throughout the year. Students should feel comfortable coming to ask for help and guidance at the Centre. 1st floor of H Block, Forth Street, Dunedin. Phone: 477-3014.

E-mail: international@tekotago.ac.nz.

Clubs & Societies Every OPSA member may use Clubs & Socs facilities. Badminton court, craft rooms, cricket nets, dance studio, saunas, showers, snooker/billiard tables, squash courts, study and meeting rooms, vehicle repair workshop. Clubs & Socs also run many courses through the year. 84 Albany Street (opposite the University library complex). Phone: 479-5960. E-mail: clubsandsocieties@ousa.org.nz.

Guide 2008 Student Health and Counselling The Student Medical Centre provides a friendly and confidential service for Otago Polytechnic students. There are doctors in attendance each day and an After Hours service is also available. Student Centre, Harbour Terrace. Phone: 479-6082.

There is a free and confidential counselling service available to all students enrolled at Otago Polytechnic. Make appointments at Student Health.

The Student Services Fee and your Community Services Card help fund this service. We ask that you apply for your Community Services Card as soon as you commence your studies, so that we can continue to provide this service.

Consultations are free with your Community Services Card.

Disability Service Students with sensory, physical, mental health or learning impairments and those who identify as Deaf are entitled to additional resources during their studies.

Rooms F113 and F115, Ground Floor, F Block, Forth St. Phone: 479 3630 or 479 6080.

E-mail: disabilityservice@tekotago.ac.nz.

Chaplains The Chaplain offers support to students in many ways. Find out about places of worship or talk to someone who can understand your spiritual needs. The Chaplain deals with all kinds of events and issues, such as helping students deal with homesickness or providing support in times of loss or grief. Student Centre, Harbour Terrace.

Rideshare Carparks Car-pooling will get you the best parks around campus. Register online at www.dunedinrideshare.co.nz

CROMWELL CAMPUS Molyneux Ave, PO Box 16, Cromwell. Office hourse: 8am—5pm for student queries, urgent messages, photocopying. Phone: (03)445-9900. Freephone: 0800-765-9276.

OPSA Regional Officer Bob Tovey, phone: 027-272-0775.

E-mail: opsacentral@tekotago.ac.nz.

Student Health Cromwell: Cromwell Medical Centre, 33e The Mall, Cromwell. Phone: 445-1119.

Wanaka: Aspiring Medical Centre, 28 Dungarvron Street, Wanaka. Phone: 4431226. Student ID and Community Services card required for medical consultations. Out of hours consultations charges will apply.

Counselling Services Please book appointment with Ian Craven through the Central Otago Campus office at Cromwell. Freephone: 0800-765-9276.

Student Campus Facilities Common room (non-smoking), kitchen facilities (supply your own mugs), indoor recreation, card phone, table tennis, microwaves, grill, fridge, stereo.

Registry Services Available through the Central Otago Campus at Cromwell. Students in Wanaka should phone 0800-756-9276 or work directly with their Programme Manager.

Pre-School Centre The Cromwell Childcare Centre is adjacent to the Molyneux Avenue entrance to the campus at Cromwell. Phone: (03) 445-0632.

Chaplains Christine Hanson is the chaplain available for students.

QUEENSTOWN CAMPUS All enquiries to OPSA Regional Officer Bob Tovey at the Cromwell Office. Freephone 0800-765-9276.

E-mail: opsacentral@tekotago.ac.nz.

Student Health Queenstown Medical Centre, 9 Isle Street, Queenstown. Phone: 441-0500. Student ID and Community Services card required for medical consultations. Out of hours consultations charges will apply.

Outdoor Facilities Ample street parking available, cycle stands, outdoor furniture (please use rubbish bins).

Library Resources for tourism, horticulture, business studies and catering. Journals, book loans, catalogue, searches, photocopying (10c). Online information is available on publications from the Bill Robertson Library in Dunedin — publications can be ordered and are generally available within 48 hours in Cromwell or 36 hours at Wanaka or Queenstown.

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fan shit when the hits the

What to do

acknowledge your ignorance Chances are, this is a new situation for you — signing a lease, breaking a lease, scraping the BMW in the supermarket carpark, being arrested or charged for whatever reason...

Sometimes the person or authority that wants your hide knows that many people they deal to don’t know their rights and are happy to throw money or a guilty plea at a problem to make it go away. Sometimes they’ll offer to “make things easier for you.” You need to know your rights.

find someone who knows The Tenancy and Landlord advice and Mediation Service are the people your landlord will have you summoned to if there’s a serious tenancy problem. It may not seem so by the time you arrive for a hearing, but they’re actually impartial and able to give advice about your rights as a tenant as well as your obligations — if only a handy leaflet from the front office.

They have an 0800 number and can be found in the Blue Pages of your phone book. Word of advice: Never, never give your bond to anyone except the Tenancy people. They release it (to either party) only after mutual agreement or a legal decision. Never give it to the landlord to be “dealt with later.”

The Law Centre are a free service on weekday evenings and Saturdays. You can find them at 52 Filleul St and call them for opening hours on 474-1922.

They don’t give legal advice over the phone but they’ll discuss what your rights and options are for any legal situation.

Youthline for all personal emergencies and crises. They offer a free, confidential, nonjudgemental telephone advice service on 0800-37-6633.

GROW offers weekly meetings

of small groups of people helping each other get through the difficult parts of life. They have 50 years of experience in mutual help by sharing felings and understanding. They can be found at 477-2871.

Family Planning clinics are staffed by experts who can provide contraception, STI checks, advice on menopause, vasectomy, PMS and pregnancy. They’re at 95 Hanover St above Henry’s Beer Wine & Spirits. Phone 4775850.

Rape Crisis Dunedin provide support for women who are survivors of past or recent sexual abuse, rape, incest, sexual harrasment and sexual assault. They offer telephone and personal counselling, legal and medical advocacy, referral to specialized support groups and a 24-hour call-out service for emergencies.

Dunedin Budget Advisory Service provides a free, confidential, one-to-one financial management service.

Their office can be contacted at 471-6158.

Dunedin Citizen’s Advice Bureau — don’t know who you should talk to for your problem? These people will point you in the right direction, Call 0800-367-222.

deal with it In many legal situations, not dealing with the problem is seen as close to an admission of guilt. Meeting a problem head-on is often costly but it’s much worse to ignore things, let costs pile up and not have a voice in the proceedings. Unpaid fines and debts can trip you up in the future when it comes to overseas travel or applying for credit.

move on Learn from it, live life.

Experience may be an expensive thing but not as costly as ignorance.

Gregor Campbell

HMS Click Monkey Gregor Campbell

In international waters off the US coast sits a converted oil tanker. Twenty four microwave data links pour internet traffic from a San Jose lighthouse to the ship, where shifts of operators, five thousand a time, maintain a 24/7 service viewing their clients’ website pages for money.

Each worker is guaranteed by their employer to access 12 pages per minute. That’s 720 per hour. That’s 17,280 per worker per day. That’s 86,400,00 views per day, cranking up clients’ viewing figures, for the entire ship.

That is the world of the Click Monkey.

In 1996, internet entrepreneur Sidney Zwibel saw a gap in the market and offered his first net access system. Now he offers “1000 clicks for a buck,” guaranteeing anonymity (“...we’ll never tell! No US court can compel us because we aren’t a US company!”) and legality. His ship is Ukrainian registered, all of his “Click Monkeys” are from the Ukraine, and HMS Click Monkey sits outside US jurisdiction.

Apart from being under a “Scambaiting” title, there are a

Last year I introduced you to Kathy Lauren, a beautiful blonde from South Africa who emailed me out of the blue but quickly got to like me very much. But, though it happened very fast, it didn’t surprise me — I’d googled a six word sequence in quotes from the first email and found it wasn’t an original. So I had a fair idea of how soon “Kathy” would discover I was her ideal man. I did seem strange that the first couple came from “Micheal Roberts” but I didn’t want to scare this one off so I let it pass.

Here is “her” next email:

married before; I am Kathy By name, 30 years of age, originally from South Africa.

I am a nurse, I work here in South Africa, I believe in a real and true love that could finally end up into marriage. I also love reality a lot.

I am a very simple lady, nice, caring, sincere, onest, faithful, loyal, sharing, giving if I have, generous, understanding, loving, and with a sense of humor. I would love to spend the rest of my life with a man that will at least have, half of these my qualities, because no one is perfect in life!

I will like to know some certain things

— micheal robert <xxxxxxxx2@hotmail.com> wrote: Compliments How are you? And how is life out there I hope fine? Anyway it is a pleasure writing you this letter.

I have never being

couple of clues as to the reality of the “Click Monkey” site.

One is the endorsement from the “Pets for Food” people.

The other is the “HMS” part of the ship’s name. Yes, the Click Monkey phenomenon is pure bovine scatology.

from you! Are you really serious and ready for this relationship? Do you want kids? Are you serious and ready for marriage? I love kids as well I would love to have mine someday!

Well as for me, all these questions are YES

I hope to read from you soon.

Well, as you know there is a barrier between us, which is the distance, we’re so far from each other, though distance is never a barrier where there is a true love, this I know! I will like you to come out to me in true colors of you what you really after?? As I am interested in a true love, and marriage!

Love always, Kathy I was a little busy that day but I wanted to keep things going — and get to the “real” letters which would have more original input and less cut-and-paste.

Hi there. Please tell me more about yourself and send more photos I reckoned “she”’d be in love with me in two weeks.

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