Women Wellness

Mental Health Matters: The Five Stages of Grief

“How do we say good-bye?” How can we say goodbye to loved ones or to a job we have had for many years? Should the pain be this intense? How long am I allowed to hurt? The answer to these questions is not simple and furthermore, the answer is specific according to who we are as people and what we value. Grief takes place in stages according to the Kubler-Ross theory on grief and loss. According to this theory, there are five stages of grief:

1. Denial: during this stage a person has great difficulty come to terms with the loss. For many, there is a feeling of numbness or what appears to be no feeling at all. Many people might describe this as “going through the motions.” However, there can also be a level of fear of the unknown as the realization of the loss begins to take shape.

2. Anger: Intense emotions and feelings of betrayal or regret may occur during this stage. Some may describe feelings of low-level agitation or frustration that appear to have no direct source. Others may describe this as a feeling of intense rage wherein it is difficult to focus. Other people may tend to hyper focus on activities that provide distraction to avoid the source of the anger.

3. Bargaining: during this stage a person may find it helpful to recant the story of loss to others to try and find meaning to better understand how or why a loss occurred. A person might beat themselves up about what they could have done differently to prevent the loss or pray to a higher power to change the circumstances.

4. Depression: sadness, tearfulness, and feelings of low motivation mark this stage for some. However, for others it could appear to be apathy or being distracted and disconnected from activities like work or socializing that they used to find meaningful.

5. Acceptance: during this stage one considers their life now as being reality and may begin making plans and/or resolve to build a narrative of optimism despite the loss.

If you have experienced loss recently, it’s important to know that you are allowed to grieve in your own individual manner. If grief and loss has been keeping you from enjoying your life and you desire to have help with this process, there is help available via your local mental health providers, local church and community grief groups, or via online platforms. Every person will experience loss at some time in life. Knowing how to work towards a place of acceptance can be the key to living a life with purpose and intention.

Victoria Henry, MS LMHC

Five Stages Of Grief - Understanding the Kubler-Ross Model (psycom.net) www.livelightcounsel.com Facebook: @livelightcounseling Instagram: @livelightcounseling Twitter: @livelightcounseling Victoria Henry, Contributing Writer