Listen and Teach: Carefully listen to your children, help them identify the real issue between them, and involve them in finding solutions and setting consequences. The agreement in our home is, after five minutes of fussing, the kids have hired me for $1-a-minute to help them sort the conflict. We work on taking turns listening, practicing empathy (“What’s it like to be with me?”) and asking, “What do I really want?” They’re learning to self-reflect and put themselves in the other person’s
shoes. It’s not always perfect, but this is an unnatural skill for all of us.
this is motherhood
Provide consistent limits: If the children are rude, mean or physical, you have to intervene with consequences. I know several families who do this: Whoever is being a bully must clean the toilets, signifying that the issue needs to be flushed out of the home. There are many other options for consequences, from time-outs to losing privileges or toys (with the opportunity to earn them back).
We build circles of women who love each other like family, because raising humans is beautiful and hard, and having each other to lean on is life-giving.
PARENTS CAN STILL OFFER GUIDANCE AFTER KIDS LEAVE THE NEST Q: We have two kids—twins who will be graduating from high school soon and spreading their wings. I’m having a hard time adjusting to the idea our influence as parents is almost finished. Is that a normal reaction? Jim: Many Moms and Dads think their parenting responsibilities are over once their kids move out. But that’s not always the case. In fact, the empty nest years can offer some of your greatest moments of influence as a parent—if you’re prepared. Throughout their teen years, kids usually strive for more and more independence and often don’t listen to their parents’ instruction. But once they’re old enough and leave home, reality hits. These newly christened adults are suddenly confronted with budget constraints, job challenges and relationship pressures—with no safety net from you. As life’s pressure builds, young people often turn back
to their parents for guidance. For Mom and Dad, it’s an opportunity to share the wisdom their children probably rejected in high school. But here’s the catch. Your kids will only turn to you if you’ve maintained a strong relationship with them. In part, that means allowing them to find their way without constantly rushing in to offer your advice before they ask for it. Stay connected, encourage them and let them know you’re available. Then be patient—and wait. In time, they may seek you out, and you can experience a whole new level of connection and influence with your adult children.
CONSIDER THESE TIPS WHEN CARING FOR AN ELDERLY FAMILY MEMBER Q: What do we need to do to make our home as safe and as comfortable as possible for my elderly mom? She’s not coping well on her own, so we’re arranging to have her come and live with us. We’re open to remodeling, if necessary. Can you offer any suggestions? Jim: I’ve asked Focus on the Family’s advisory Physicians Resource Council for input on this question. www.gulfcoastfamily.org
Given the effects of decreased mobility, oncoming deafness or diminished eyesight, even the most comfortable house can become hazardous for an elderly person. This is particularly true if the lighting is inadequate, there are too many stairs (or stairs are hard to climb), or the doorknobs and faucets are difficult to use. Some simple changes and minor remodeling can make a big difference in the safety, comfort and convenience of your home from your aging mother’s
APRIL
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Second Friday of each month 9 a.m. – Noon Breakfast and Childcare Provided
For moms from pregnancy to kindergarten.
Sept 8 | Oct 13 | Nov 10 | Dec 8 | Jan 13 | Feb 10 | Mar 10 | Apr 14 | May 12
Starkey Road Baptist Church 8800 Starkey Road, Seminole
(727) 397-1654 mops@srbc.org www.srbc.org/mops
Changing Lives Reaching the World
Starkey Road Baptist Church 8800 Starkey Road * Seminole, FL 33777 (727)397-1654 www.SRBC.org
To advertise, call 727-612-0783
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