In Memoriam | As We Remember I N
M E M O R I A M
HENRY J.S. CHEEVER ’69
1 1951 – 2007 Eulogy given by David A. Cheever ’05
M
y mother, my sister, and I used to come to this Last Wednesday we went to pay our last respects at a private church and sit in these pews every Sunday. We viewing of his mortal remains. Once again my Mom, my sister, would come for all of the normal reasons such and I were sitting in a pew as my father was up on the altar. It as going to Sunday school, reading scripture, and learning was a painful and sad experience for all of us as the finality of hymns. Yet for me, what was most important was to watch his death was made incredibly obvious. But for me, I finally my father as he would perform his duties up on the altar. Clad came to some sort of understanding about my father’s life. in the black and white robes of a chalicist, he always seemed My father was the most selfless and giving man that I have superhuman as he led the church in song and prayer. As a boy ever met. He went throughout his life giving of himself for the it was clear to me that everyone in the church was feeding betterment of his family and his friends. He was always willing off his presence and his energy. Every Sunday people brought to do whatever was needed of him without complaining and their problems and their worries into the church and every without reminding everyone about what a “great guy” he was week my father would, in his small for doing it. I think in many ways way, comfort them. When people my father’s greatest accomplishleft, they would feel better and ments were ones that went without were better for having been in notice: things like making dinner his presence. Yet despite his work for my mom every night, coming in this communal environment, to every one of Hannah and my every Sunday during the peace he sports games, moving me into my would sneak down from the altar college dorm room, helping Uncle to give his family a hug and let us Tom with his new company, setknow that we were what was most ting up a neighborhood activist important to him. group to protect the marshlands It’s funny how you never think behind our house, caring for our about what a person means to you animals, running a capital camThe Cheevers, Hannah ’08, Harry ’69, David ’05, and Mitzi. when you can see them everyday. paign for this church and countYou never think about how your less others that were done because life would be different without them. When my father died he loved his friends and he loved our family. last Saturday I was shocked and saddened, but mostly conI don’t think I appreciated my father enough for the things fused. How could I possibly grieve for my father when I didn’t that he did for me: for the support he gave me when times were have a true understanding of our relationship? tough, or for praise he gave me when things were going well. My father loved his church, his schools, he loved his work, In some way that was how he wanted it, he knew what needed his friends, and his extended family. He faced his lifelong health to be done, he did it and there was no need for thanks. Yet still, issues with fortitude, and found solace in the remarkable supin this past week I have come to understand how much his love port he received from my mother—he adored my mother and and support has helped me throughout the years. I now realize she him. He took great joy in boating and swimming, going the unimaginable impact our relationship has had on my life to Wareham every summer, drinking good wine and reading a and am beginning to understand the enormity of his absence. good book. While all of these things are important and help to Despite the sadness that I felt last Wednesday at the viewdefine his life, they provide little insight into my own personal ing, there was some comfort in the familiarity of the situation. relationship with my father. My father was once again larger than life, but instead of him
48 | Quarterly February 2008