Reunion Weekend It is telling that in the New Testament, when Jesus says, “Your sins are forgiven,” people are healed and their lives are changed. Liberated from emotional jail, a crippled life becomes one of wholeness and fulfillment. Forgiveness unfreezes memory, opening up new possibilities for the lives we lead and will be leading in the future. A good example of this comes from the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa. Many victims of the brutal apartheid system were abducted, tortured, murdered. The Truth and Reconciliation Commission attempted to bring about reconciliation rather than the separation of vengeance. When released after 27 years in prison, remarkably, Nelson Mandela sought reconciliation rather than vengeance. It is interesting to note that in Nelson Mandela’s native Xhosa language no word exists for “vengeance.” We learn from him and from Archbishop Tutu, the head of the Commission, and from many families of victims and survivors of atrocities important lessons about forgiveness and memory.
future open up. According to Paul, if our focus is on God and His love in the world rather than on ourselves, a transformation takes place within us, equivalent to a new creation affecting how we perceive the world and how we relate to others. If we are open to God’s love and embrace it, our hearts are transformed and our perspective changes, making forgiveness— giving it and receiving it—possible. A 43-year-old woman says of the transformation, “But I’ve learned that as I forgive, I am forgiven, and in this practice, I find the peace, compassion, and gratitude that always brings me home to myself.” Peace, compassion, and gratitude. Gratitude, George Valliant tells us, should concern us more than cholesterol. This is not easy. Our culture does not encourage an attitude of gratitude. We are citizens of a consumer society that tells us what we need to own, that we need to purchase upgrades, that certain brands are the making of us, that no salary is too high.
“To get unstuck, to move on, we must forgive and be forgiven.” Breaking the patterns of violence involves not denying the past but facing it squarely. The following comes from Pulma GobadoMadibizele, a member of the Commission: When perpetrators asked for forgiveness from their victims it was as much about restoring the victim’s dignity as it was about perpetrators rescuing their own sense of humanity. Pearl Faku’s husband was killed by a bomb in an operation masterminded by Eugene de Kock, the man nicknamed ‘Prime Evil’ because of his role in the apartheid atrocities. When de Kock asked for Faku’s forgiveness, she extended her hand of forgiveness. Faku later explained why she forgave de Kock: ‘I was profoundly touched by him. I felt the genuineness of his apology. I would like to hold him by the hand and show him there is a future, and that he can still change.’ Victims who were able to forgive perpetrators describe their encounter with perpetrators as a transformative process that helped them to unburden years of anger and hatred. Perpetrators spoke about the cleansing power of a victim’s forgiveness. Thus, victims need perpetrators’ honest expression of apology to move beyond their anger as much as the perpetrators needed the victims’ forgiveness to reclaim their sense of humanity, which was lost in a life of destruction. Forgiveness makes possible reclaiming a sense of humanity and a new future. Antjie Krag, a journalist who covered the Commission, summarizes its work this way: “I wrap you up in words so that the future inherits you. I snatch you from the death of forgetfulness.” Snatched from the death of forgetfulness, the future inherits you. In the words of Paul’s Second Letter to the Corinthians, “The old is past away, behold, the new has come.” People are no longer trapped by the good old days; new possibilities for the present and
But in the final analysis, gratitude has little to do with the world’s trophies. Alice Trillin once wrote of her experience working at a camp for severely disabled children. She became attached to L. Although L had two genetic diseases, one that kept her from growing and one that kept her from digesting food, she was, in Alice’s words,” … spectacular … the most optimistic, most enthusiastic, most hopeful human being I had ever encountered.” How could this be, she wondered. The answer came when she read a note L’s parents had written to L: “If God had given us all of the children in the world to choose from, L., we would only have chosen you.” Alice turned to her husband and said, “Quick, read this. It’s the secret of life.” L’s parents knew what they had; they were grateful, and what a difference that made to them and to their child. What we should be most grateful for in life cannot be measured on a balance sheet or with trophies: love, trust, faithfulness, family, friends, meaningful commitments, and a Creator who not only cares for us but also nurtures us into our fullest selves when we acknowledge that Creator’s love and share it with those around us. It’s the secret of life. A reunion is a time of reflection and, for me, gratitude: gratitude for the many friendships forged more than 50 years ago at this school and have continued for lo these many years. They are not stuck in the past but embrace current passions, interests, and future hopes; gratitude for this school which has nurtured me and educated me, whose lessons, never static, I continue to mine as a rich vein of new insights and perspectives; and gratitude too that for me the School has been and remains a source of sustenance and hope. A reunion, like a graduation and a summer vacation, is a time of reflection. These are times to unpack and rearrange the memories we carry with us, to liberate ourselves from the old hurts, the anger, the unforgiving and the unforgiven, and to celebrate the continuing possibility of God’s on-going creation in our lives and to say with Paul, “Behold, the new has come.” Quarterly September 2008
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