Hauntology

William Donaldson

on being: we are not chronological. we are not logical. some of us are not human.

but we are alive.

conditioned to survive, building worlds and paradigms just so others can thrive, we reject your linear notion of time. on being haunted: we feel the past. we live and breathe that which is always already absent, but present. spectres reanimate. memories resonate. we contemplate. caught up in the afterlife, all too reminiscent of a past life where freedom sat on the edge of lips and wavered with the movement of hips. and what becomes of now?

the past breathes down our necks, threatening to further fog futures un/written in lines on our skin, filling the merciless air we keep breathing in.

there are voices on the wind, a murder of gossiping crows alight on skeletal branches overhead: do they speak the language of the dead?

should we note their presence with dread? or should we try to learn the language, instead? on being haunted by you: I can’t get out of bed. your words are poetry and I comb through every one you said. you’re well-read. imperfect memory lends itself to a haunted condition. I don’t think of you as you were, only know you as I thought of you, only understand you through my eyes. you and I are nothing less than an amalgamation of past moments, present feelings, future ambiguities. now we’re nothing more than utility, two greased gears grinding lonely nights into orbital flight. when do memories die? have we forsaken a more meaningful future

what’s love in my eyes is failure in yours. what I find in my eyes is forever lost in yours. could we ever be again?

with the thread of love and needle of hindsight, I patch over what became of us and speculate on what could be, what I still want to see— what becomes of this love haunting me?

to perpetuate a distant past and the vanity of present pleasures?

new york new york Zoey Nahmmacher-Baum | acrylic paint on canvas

Vending Machine Blues | McKenna Doherty | video still

Contributors

Meredith Benjamin ‘24 is a second-year Political Science major from Williamstown, Massachusetts. She loves the Ezra Klein show and wearing crocs. Eyerusalem Desta ‘22 is a fourth-year majoring in English. McKenna Doherty ‘22 (she/her) is a current fourth-year majoring in English and Studio Art. She loves chocolate croissants, rainy days, and long walks on the beach. William Donaldson ‘23 is a third-year studying Gender, Women’s, and Sexuality Studies with a concentration in American Studies. His poetry and prose, informed by the interdisciplinary scholarship of his fields, seeks to more faithfully portray the convergence of identity, memory, and emotion. Gabe Ferguson ‘23 is a double major in English and Spanish. He is unapologetic for his love of sad music and bases too much of his personality on having two moms. Lucia Finkelstein ‘24 is a second year English major from New York City who won’t shut up about being from New York City. Joseph Fisk ‘24 is a second-year majoring in Psychology. Shabana Gupta ‘22 is a tired fourth year that just wants to round out zir time at Grinnell with a few final pieces in the Grinnell Review.

Liv Hage ‘25 is from Los Angeles, California. She likes to draw in her spare time. Ivan Kwei ‘24 is a second year who intends to double major in Studio Art and Physics. Sarah Licht ‘22 is a English and Psychology double-major. In their spare time, Sarah enjoys exploring nature preserves, reading early science fiction, and entertaining their caffeine addiction. Their work has been published in Screen Door Review, Grim & Gilded, and Landing Zone Magazine. Anna Lipari ‘23 is a biology major who enjoys reading poetry, studying fungi, and trying to get kidnapped by the crows that live behind Noyce science center. Celia Meagher ‘24 is a second semester second year GWSS and Studio Art major. Her main media of choice is watercolor and she strives to incorporate her own experiences with mental health and education in GWSS into her art.

Zoey Nahmmacher-Baum ‘24 is a simple woman with simple tastes. She likes frogs, cows, and cowboy frogs. Ganga Prakash ‘ 25 (she/it) comes from her mother, Bangalore, South India, World. She said, “[she’s] young scrappy and hungry, [she’s] just like her country and [it’s] not throwing away [its] shot!”

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