Sam & Lou Miller, Proprietors
CONTENTS
SRRING 2019
Publisher/Designer: Karyn Lyn Managing Editor: Greg Forest
Kathleen Hudson Mary Gauthier
Design & Layout: Lonesome Dove Design Studio Columnists & Contributing Writers: Karyn Lyn, Greg Forest, Kathleen Hudson, Joe Herring, Phil Houseal, Jil Utterback, Gary Lockte, Mary Schenk, Genie Strickland, Betty Sharp, Homer Stevens, Colleen Brooks, Carlotta Schmittgen & Jack Armstrong Proof Readers: Jil Utterback, Guy Barzetti Layout & Web: The Music Office (musicoffice.com) Photographers: Greg Forest, Karyn Lyn, Nancy Essary, Sales: Karyn Lyn, Greg Forest, Colleen Brooks, Jennifer Nimmrichter, Gary Smith, Guy Barzetti
Contact Heart Beat
texasheartbeat.com | PO Box 1204 |Bandera,TX 78003 Karyn (210) 316-2986 karyn@texasheartbeat.com Greg (830) 746-8041, greg@texasheartbeat.com
"Pie. It’s what’s for breakfast. Don’t fib to me. You did so eat leftover pumpkin pie for breakfast last Thanksgiving weekend, just like you made a stuffing sandwich on white bread with cranberry sauce. It’s something we all do. Read more . . .
Allyce's Attic Springing Into Spring Spring means different things to different people. It’s
Our sports writer Carlotta ScHeisman winner Kyler Murray has finally given his final answer – he has chosen the National Football League over Major League Baseball. I can’t but help admire the kid – he’s very talented when it comes to throwing passes and crushing homeruns. Read more here. . . .T
The Heart Beat of the Texas Hill Country is published quarterly by Heart Beat Publishing PO Box 1204, Bandera, Texas 78003. Opinions expressed in articles may not be those of the publisher and editor of the The Heart Beat of the Texas Hill Country, its advertisers, writers or contributors. All content is copyrighted by The Heart Beat of the Texas Hill Country and may not be reprinted without the express written consent of the publisher. The Heart Beat of the Texas Hill Country is not liable for editorial content, typographical errors and any statements or claims by advertisers or columnists. Subscriptions are $25 per year payable to The Heart Beat of the Texas Hill Country at the above address.
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Joe Herring A Day Without Shadows
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Dalis Allen News from Quiet Valley Ranch
Kerrville Folk Festival producer, Dalis Allen fills us in on the upcoming highlights of this year's festival, May 23 - June 9th. She has all the main stage artists lined out for all three weekends.
definitely a hopeful season. We hope the chill of winter is on the way out. We hope the heavy heat of summer will hold off until it actually is summer. We have hopes for all the young critters being born – calves, kids, lambs, foals, fawn. Read on . . .
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Carlotta Schmittgen Kyle Murray's Choices
The Vernal Equinox, when the sun crosses the ‘celestial equator,’ is the official starting gun of spring, and the time my thoughts turn to the small garden in our backyard. This year the equinox falls on March 20. Read more . . .
Betty Sharp The Pie Test
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The year was 2004, and I had purchased a ticket at the door to hear John Prine at the Majestic Theater in San Antonio. I was a little late, and as I walked across the lobby, I was stopped in my tracks by this voice. Keep reading . . .
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Gary Lochte Of Oranges (and Oranges)
According to an article published January 2 this year in the FLORIDA PHOENIX newspaper, Florida orange groves are facing a monumental problem with “citrus greening disease. Read on . . . texasheartbeat.com
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mckennakids.org New Braunfels, TX
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NEW FOLK NEW TOOLING FOLK RIDES UP FOR AGAIN 2019 By Dalis Allen February saw us in the snow and minus temperatures of Montreal Canada to hear artists from around the world at the annual Folk Alliance International Conference. We attended panels and even presented a few. We featured Kerrville artists in showcases, in particular our New Folk Award Winners. The number of artists that we hear in 5 days far surpass what we could hear in any other way and many of the artists that play Kerrville Folk Festival were heard for the first time at these conferences. The Music at the Mansion Concert Series line-up is complete as well. This is the collaboration between Kerrville Folk Festival and Schreiner University presenting Festival Songwriters to the community of Kerrville all year long. You may view the schedule on our Facebook page Musicat-the-Mansion. The opening concert was on February 8, next ones up are March 8 with Willow City and Matt Nakoa and April 26 with Cliff Eberhardt and Amy Speace. Heading into spring means the Festival is getting close and the excitement is beginning. We have announced the full schedule for the 2019 Kerrville Folk Festival, May 23 - June 9, 2019. Check on our new updated website for the lineup and schools /workshops and all of the other activities. www.kerrvillefolkfestival.org
WEEKEND 2: SHINYRIBS, POKEY LAFARGE,Ellis Delaney, The Mammals, Freddy & Francine, John Craigie, Brother Brothers, Mipso, Danny Schmidt, Willow City, Terri Hendrix, Jeff Plankenhorn.
updates and specials by going to https://www.kerrvillefolkfestival.org/get-enews/ and filling in your email when prompted. Tickets are at a discount online so just go to the website to join us for the 2019 Kerrville Folk Festival!!! If you have questions and want to speak to a person just call us at 830257-2600. Our offices are on Quiet Valley Ranch property where the Festival is held 9 miles south of Kerrville on Hwy 16. Thanks for reading about the Kerrville Folk Festival in Heart Beat of the Texas Hill Country.
WEEKEND 3: SAM BUSH, RODNEY CROWELL, Shawn Camp, Verlon Thompson, Robin & Linda Williams, Jeff Black, Trout Fishing in America, Beat Root Revival, Chris Chandler, Bobby Bridger. And as always we will close with our anthem “Heal in the Wisdom”. It is the 40th Anniversary of the writing of this anthem and we are delighted to say that the author Bobby Bridger will be leading us this year with his son Gabe. The Songwriters School, Harmonica and Guitar Workshops are still accepting registrants. World class faculty will be on hand to work with you for several days of sessions for any one of these schools. Specific information about each one is on our website under the Activities tab. The Grassy Hill Kerrville New Folk Competition accepted entries through February 28. The concerts featuring the 32 that are chosen from a field of 600 - 800 songwriters are on the first weekend of the Festival, Saturday May 25 and Sunday May 26 from 1 - 4PM. One of the best afternoons of music in the Hill Country! Come out and For 2019 the line-up includes. listen for the next Nanci Griffith, Lyle Lovett, Lucinda Williams, Hal Ketchum, James McMurtry…… and join in the fun of picking your WEEKEND 1: RICHARD THOMPSON, RUTHIE FOSTER, PATTY LARKIN, Crys favorites, many attendees do. The Kerrville On The Road Tours Matthews Pushing Chain, Dave Gunning around Texas will be in Austin, Houston, DalNobody’s Girl, , Will Owen Gage, Rising Appalachia, The Revelers, Joe Crookston, las and many other cities and towns in April and early May and will feature many of the Ley Line, Bonnie Paine (from Elephant artists playing this year. (There is also one at Revival), Ellis Paul, Bill Staines, Three SXSW in Austin on March 16th at the New Women and the Truth - Mary Gauthier, World Deli) Eliza Gilkyson, Gretchen Peters.
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he Vernal Equinox, when the sun crosses the ‘celestial equator,’ is the official starting gun of spring, and the time my thoughts turn to the small garden in our backyard. This year the equinox falls on March 20. It’s the time of year for grand garden plans, the time when the sad dry days of August are only a theory and not yet fact, a time of dreaming about fresh cherry tomatoes and juicy Silver Queen corn, sweet Banana peppers and strong Kentucky Wonder beans. I find myself looking out the back windows of the house at our little garden plot … and plotting. Soon I will visit Trena at the Plant Haus in Kerrville and select plants for this year’s effort. There are times in July when even the mornings are so hot that the concept of having a garden far surpasses the reality of having a garden. It’s hard, dirty work, and even the sweetest fruits seem disproportionately small to the effort required. Still, with the arrival of spring, even this future hard work seems doable. We have adventures in our garden. One year a vine appeared that took over the whole area with such rapidity we were honestly afraid to turn our backs on it. It grew so fast we refused to leave the doors or windows open on that side of the house, not knowing what might happen in the night. We lost a small dog in its tangle. The plant turned out to be a volunteer cantaloupe, with small, softball-sized fruits that we enjoyed at breakfast. I have since tried to plant cantaloupe without success. That year the combination of the sun and rain was in perfect harmony with that plant’s desires – and never again.
It has been that way with corn, too. The first year I planted it we had a wonderful crop, with enough to share. Last year we netted three smallish ears, even though I moved the corn plants to a different part of the garden. One year we scored a homerun with okra, blessed with a great abundance. It was only after all the okra came in that I realized a sad truth: I was the only one in the family that really likes okra, and after a few servings even I had met an unnamed, heretofore unknown limit. We had an explosion of Granny Smith apples one year, probably 4 bushels. We had plenty to give away, and they were good. So I suppose I cannot count on okra or apples this year – given the boom and bust cycles I seem to endure. Maybe this is the year for corn! Joe Herring Jr. is a Kerrville native who is allergic to corn, though he loves to try to grow it each year.
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Fresh cuts of the Finest Beef, Pork, and Chicken.
Ranch house Steakhouse - BBQ - Catering
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BANDERAGERNERALSTORE.COM
15% OFF VINTAGE BOOTS!
328 Main Street Bandera, TX (Next to Arkey Blue’s Silver Dollar) (830) 796-7455
Closed Wednesday's
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L U C K E N B A C H T E X A S . C O M
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412 LUCKENBACH TOWN LOOP FREDERICKSBURG, TX
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Spring means different things to different people. It’s definitely a hopeful season. We hope the chill of winter is on the way out. We hope the heavy heat of summer will hold off until it actually is summer. We have hopes for all the young critters being born – calves, kids, lambs, foals, fawns. We hope the nastier critters, the biting bugs and rattlesnakes, will stay away a little longer. The Vernal (or Spring) Equinox, which this year occurs on March 20th, is traditionally the official start of Spring. The technical scientific explanation is that it’s the time when the sun crosses the plane of the earth’s equator, marking the start of the astronomical spring and the length of day and night are approximately equal. Anglo Saxons celebrated the springtime festival of the goddess Eostre, mentioned as far back as the AD 700-800s by the monk known as the Venerable Bede. Early Christians, who decided to remember the Resurrection of Jesus at approximately the same time as the Jewish observance of Passover, ultimately appear to have borrowed the festival timing of Eostre and the name eventually evolved into “Easter”; however, the origins of the name are muddy. I invite you to go down the rabbit hole of Google in search of your own explanations and historical research, or we can just move along past history, science, astrology, and mythology. I vote for the latter. Truth is, we respond to spring not with hard facts and intellect, but in a purely visceral, gut level way. We love the way spring smells! There’s a softness to the air no other season can claim. Spring rain just smells different, earthy and rich with a promise of growing things and greenery. And oh, that first delicate green of spring – or as Robert Frost said in his poem “Nothing Gold Can Stay”, “Nature’s first green is gold/Her hardest hue to hold.” Watch for it as you drive the beautiful 28
backroads of the Texas hill Country. It’s as if the budding trees and shrubs have a fine mist of gold overlay. But don’t blink. Frost cautions, “Her early leaf’s a flower/But only so an hour.” That touch of gold is truly a hard hue to hold and it doesn’t last long. Neither does spring. The last few years it seemed we went directly from winter to summer with only the briefest butterfly kiss of spring. (Here comes the hope again.) Hopefully, we’ll have at least a few weeks of delightfully mild weather, minus big storms, before our wonderful Winter Texans leave and we settle into the slower, hotter days of summer. In the meantime, there’s lots to do and see and explore. Many restaurants and music venues have outdoor areas for dining on patios and waltzing across Texas on outdoor dance floors. There are vendor events outdoors all over the Hill Country for shoppers and don’t forget the terrific food trucks cropping up all over and offering a wide variety of tasty cuisines. Camping, hiking, fishing, and horseback riding are all more fun in the kinder, gentler weather of spring and the Hill Country offers some of the most picturesque geography in the United States for outdoorsmen and women. Spring doesn’t have the embarrassment of holidays that fall and winter have, but there is Easter (April 21st) with the church of your choice, all those eggs and jellybeans and chocolate and the ubiquitous Peeps®. For those with a sense of humor there’s April Fool’s Day on the first. The Kentucky Derby will be run on May 4th , and is always a good excuse for a party. (After this year’s Super Bowl, or should I say “Stupor Bowl”, we could all use a good party.) And we dare not forget Mother’s Day. No, ma’am, don’t forget Mother’s Day on May 12th. There’s a lot to celebrate about and during spring, much to be grateful for and look forward to. So get out there, get after it – whatever “it” is for you – and enjoy. See you next summer.
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Printing, Graphic Design, and Direct Mail
Address: 615 Water St, Kerrville, TX 78028 Phone: (830) 257-7242 texasheartbeat.com
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Visit us on
(830) 438-0331
NEW LOCATION!!! 355 MASON CREEK LOOP, BANDERA, TX
200 ACRES
Happy Easter Gifts-Gardens-Nursery Pottery-Wine-Biergarten
From the Heart Beat Team
www.wildseedfarms.com 100 Legacy Dr, Fredericksburg, TX 78624
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TWO Locations to Serve you in Bandera County!
1002 MAIN ST. BANDERA, TX 78003 (830)-796-3861 8950 FM1283, LAKEHILLS, TX 78063 (830) 751-4040
Check out their monthly
"This is shore an unusual spring. We ain't had but two inches of dust
For Bargains!
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The year was 2004, and I had purchased a ticket at the door to hear John Prine at the Majestic Theater in San Antonio. I was a little late, and as I walked across the lobby, I was stopped in my tracks by this voice. I looked on stage to see a woman in black leather pants, a red shirt, sitting on a stool delivering a song. First it was her voice, but quickly it became the song. This was my introduction to Mary Gauthier. I found my seat behind old friends and music lovers from Switzerland, Aschi Maurer (RIP) and his daughter Dahlia. Serendipity. I was there to give John Prine a copy of my book on Texas songwriters after the show, but I ended up with another treasure, the work of Mary Gauthier. I had heard her name in a Ray Wylie Hubbard song. I had heard her song Filth and Fire while walking through Hastings Bookstore once. That much I knew.
May 26, 2019, she will perform at the Kerrville Folk Festival (again) joined by Eliza Gilkyson and Gretchen Peters. Three Women and the Truth. These women all speak truth to power. Gauthier was nominated for a grammy for her album of 11 songs composed at workshop with veterans, Rifles and Rosary Beads. Her life has fueled her writing. She could relate to the stories of the veterans. Born in 1962 in New Orleans and given up by her birth mother to St. Vincent Infants’ Asylum, she was adopted at age 1 by an Italian Catholic family. By 1990 she had a final arrest for drunk driving and has been sober ever since. She wrote her first song at age 35, after deciding to be a songwriter. I love her 2005 album, Mercy Now, produced by non-other than another favorite of mine, Gurf Morlix. I am listening to his new album, Impossible 36
Blue, as I drive each day. And we do “need a little mercy now.” As she says. Bob Dylan, Nobel Laureate of Literature in 2016, chose her song “I Drink” to be featured on his XM radio show, Theme Time Radio. He chose songs he liked then riffed on them in the Dylan voice. And Gauthier, after writing short stories, is writing a book, The Art of Songwriting. After working with the stories of veterans and co-writing her last album, she declares her 7th studio album, Rifles and Rosary Beads, is her best. I use the writing of songwriters I love in my classes at Schreiner. Sometimes the words become prompts for students to write their own stories in essay format. Sometimes the song or youtube version become a source of inspiration for thinking and talking about writing. My dissertation at TCU in 1982 was a collection of what writers say about writing. Tune in to an interview with Mary Gauthier (or Patti Smith, Ray Wylie Hubbard, Terri Hendrix et al.....) and see what starts moving around in your brain. Could lead to some writing. “Chilling and gothic, gutpunched,” are words that show up in reviews of her albums. But that is not all; Gauthier conveys the human experience, lost love, family challenges and deep emotions in ways I find profoundly moving. Her TedX talk, “Saved by a Song,” conveys her story of her 1990 arrest that caused her to leave her body and look down to see a hopeless person. “Shortly after that I heard the call to write songs,” she said. She wrote about what got her into that jail cell, what called her to medicate her self. Her songs were heavy and difficult. Some complained, but some came up to the CD table after the show, tears in their eyes, and whispered, “Thank you.” Yes, we can be saved by a song. Ils sont partis. KH
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DANCING BEAR CANTINA A MUSIC DESTINATION SPOT AND DAILY GETAWAY TO RELAX!
Overlooking Beautiful Medina Lake 7794 County Road 271, Mico, Texas 78056 830.751.2160 * www.dancingbearcantina.com 105 S. Llano
Fredericksburg, TEXAS Late Night Dining Chef/Owner Family Dining Home-Made Food Hours: Mon-Thurs. 11am-10pm Fri. Sat 11am-12am Sun. 12pm-6pm
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Cook rice as directed. Mix cooked rice with other ingredients and toss with the dressing. Cover and refrigerate at least 3 hours before serving.
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Bandera Meat Market, Bandera, Tx By Karyn Lyn
Ever wonder where to eat when you visit the Hill Country?
Love Creek Orchard’s Paao Cafe, Medina Tx
The Patio café was listed among the Top 40 best Small Town Restaurants in Texas by Texas Monthly Magazine. Try their Spicy Pepper Jack Burgers or homeade Chicken Salad. Choose from one of their award winning desserts: apple pie, apple cake, cookies, strudel, turnovers, muffins & famous Apple Ice Cream. 830-589-2202
Backyard Bisso, Pipe Creek, Tx
The Backyard Bistro and Chef Aaron's "Farm to Table Fare" proudly serve their dishes using only the finest fresh ingredients available; Including: organic eggs from their own chickens and herbs from their very own garden-picked daily for your culinary delight. Available for parties, catering & wine tastings. Live Music Friday & Saturdays. 167 Panther Ridge, Pipe Creek, Texas 78063, Hwy 16 South (Behind Country Accents Antiques) (830) 535-4094 www.backyardbistrobandera.com
4Way Bar and Grill, Lakehills, Tx
Located near the “4 Way Stop” on FM 1283 and PR 37, the 4 Way Bar and Grill, is Medina Lake’s premier establishment. Well known for their BIG and juicy cheeseburgers, Texas-sized dinner plates, Ice Cold Beer, and Full Bar. To top it all off, they bring in Top-tier artists to perform LIVE every Friday and Saturday night from 9pm-1am. There is FREE entry to WIN prizes every week by playing in their poker, pool, and dart tournaments. Come on out to the 4 Way Bar & Grill and enjoy the best tasting food around or to have a whole lotta’ fun that you’ve never had before! 9742 FM1283, Lakehills, TX, (830) 751-3400 4waybarandgrill.com
Big City Bisso, Bandera, Tx
Big City offers amazing Salads, HUGE sandwiches, specialty burgers, hand-crafted egg-rolls, soup bar, and more! Don’t forget to ask them about their BACON Chocolate chip cookies!! Also inside this quaint cafe, you can shop local Artisan vendors which highlights local artists and Non-Profit Groups. Daily Specials and catering available. Open Wed -Fri 10am-3pm.. 1211 Cottonwood Bandera, Texas (210) 303-2351
Mac and Earnie’s Roadside Eatery, Tarpley Tx
Lunch on Fridays and Saturdays includes cheeseburgers and their famous Cabrito Burger. Dinners on Friday and Saturday night feature steaks, catfish, ancho chile honey basted quail and specials such as grilled pork tenderloin with a sweet-tart Vietnamese dipping sauce or grilled Tuna with roasted Jalapeno Mayonnaise. 830-562-3727 11804 FM 470 (junction of FM 470 and FM 462)
14024 State Hwy 16 North Medina, TX 78055, www.lovecreekorchards.com
Camp Vede General Stte, Camp Verde Tx
For more than 150 years, Camp Verde General Store has occupied this little piece of Texas. Give yourself a moment to indulge in the rich history of this timeless gem. Come have a one-of-a-kind sandwich from our enticing lunch menu and try our wide variety of savory jams, jellies and sauces. Restarunt hours: Mon-Sun 11am - 3pm www.campverdegeneralstore.com 285 Camp Verde Road East Camp Verde, Texas 78010
Buffalo Nickle,
edericksburg Tx
Down-home joint dishing up Texas-inspired bar fare & entrées such as chicken-fried steak. bison sliders, Indian rain sticks (batter fried squash) USDA steaks, seafood, and the smokin’ bleu burger w/portabella mushrooms, maytag bleu cheese, & raspberry chipotle.
Hours: Mon.-Thurs. 11am-10pm - Fri.-Sat 11am-12am & Sun. 12 pm-6pm. 105 S. Llano, Fredericksburg, TX 78624 - www.buffalonickelfbg.com
Cafe on e Ridge, Kerrville, Tx
The Café at The Ridge Marketplace offers a place to share stories over a glass of sweet tea and a chicken fried steak. All of their delicious heirloom recipes are created using only fresh ingredients. Their award winning Wild Flour Bakery offers an abundance of treats to suit even the pickiest sweet-tooth. All of the baked goods are made from scratch every day Stop by The Artisan Pantry at The Café to browse the selection of gourmet food items We make ALL baked goods in house,from cookies to hamburger buns! 13439 S Ranch Road 783, Kerrville, TX 78028
On the shores of the Guadalupe in Kerrville, you can enjoy a sunset food and drink from Pier 27's massive deck overlooking the river. Pizza, burgers and other Texas comfort food is available. A short walk down the deck and you will find the Hill Country's best billiard parlor with slate tables rented by the hour. The Pier also features live music Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. (830) 896-7437 1521 Junction Hwy, Kerrville, TX 78028
Redbud Cafe, Blanco, Tx
Redbud Cafe’s food is made fresh daily using premium products, local and organic whenever possible. They serve Blanco’s own Real Ale Brewing Company beers on tap, along with a number of other local and national bottled beers. Hours: Mon-Thur 10:30am to 3:30pm Fri-Sat 10:30am- 9:00pm and Sunday 10:00am-3:00pm. They are open for dinner every Friday and Saturday evening, with live music starting at 6:30pm on Fridays, and at 7:00pm on Saturday evenings. 410 4th Street, Blanco TX 78606 www.redbud-cafe.com
Paddler's PPch Paao Bar and Grill and Outfifier Junccon, Tx Paddler's Porch is a great place to meet friends for fresh food and the coldest beer. Not to mention the delicious burgers. Indoor or outdoor dining , sports on our big screens, Free Wifi. Cooler weather creates gatherings around the firepit. Be sure to try their “THE BEAST” a slow cooked pot roast, with provolone on a toasted hogie roll. 126 Flatrock Ln Juntion, TX 76849 713-397-5049 www.paddlersporch.net
If you would like to be included in our Menu Board, “Where to Eat in the Hill Country” section, please contact Karyn @ (210) 316-2986
Dagger Grill Golf Resst, Cassoville, Tx The Dagger Grille’s culinary delights will charm the senses. Take a table on the outside patio overlooking the manicured greens, or sit in the spacious indoors. Selections from the grille include the famous juicy, tender Hamburger on a toasted jalapeno cheese bun and our delicious chicken salad sandwiches. New to the menu is delicious, tender, smoked turkey. www.alsatiangolfclub.com/grille (830) 931-3100
Cowboy’s Restaurant, D’Hanis, Tx
Cowboy’s is famous for their juicy Rib-Eye steaks, NY steaks, pepper steak, Chicken Fried Steak, homestyle burgers, a large variety of Mexican food (variety selection), apple pie al-a-mode, peach cobbler al-la-mode, and fried ice cream. Hours: 11am-9pm, Mon-Sat 7345 Highway 90 W D'Hanis, Texas - (830) 363-2282
Chicken Charley’s, Bandera, TX The BEST Brisket!!
Paao Cafe, Love Creek Orchards, Medina, Tx
Homemade 5 cheese Pimento spread burger
Vaquero’s Cafe, Rocksprings, Tx Vaquero’s offers some of the best authentic Mexican Food around--Burgers, Tacos, and more! Known for their friendly service and HOME OF THE GRANDE AND THE VAQUERO'S BURGER!!!! Open & days a week 8AM–2PM, 5–9PM (830) 683-4369 104 US-377, Rocksprings, TX 78880
Alamo Springs Cafe,
edericksburg, Tx
Alamo Springs Cafe was immortalized on the cover of Texas Monthly awhile back with a shot of their monster burger. The Cafe, which is right next to the famous bat tunnel, is famous for its burgers and other Texas comfort food. It is outside Fredricksburg and a bit off the beaten path but well worth the drive. Seasonal live music on weekends. 107 Alamo Rd, Fredericksburg, TX (830) 990-8004 Visit them on Facebook!
Chicks Prime Market Spring Branch, Tx Porterhouse TBone
Backyard Bisso, Pipe Creek, Tx Pecan Crusted Chicken
Biker Destinations Continued... Luckenbach, Texas
Dancing Bear Cantina, Mico Texas
Dancing Bear Cantina is on the corner of 1283 and 271 in Mico, TX, 20 minutes west on Culebra/1604. Whether you are on your way to Rio Medina, Hondo or Bandera, it's an easy stop and has the most beautiful view of Medina Lake! Enjoy beautiful sunsets overlooking Medina Lake from our deck! We are a full liquor bar and have the coldest beers around. Enjoy a frozen Margarita, a phenomenal burger and other eats from our kitchen! Sit back and relax watching the boats and sunset over Medina Lake. We have an outdoor stage and offer some of the best live music on the weekends. Please see our Facebook page for band schedules. 7794 CR 271, Mico TX dancingbearcantina.com
Toucan Jims, Centerpoint, Texas
Jakes Bar & Grill, Pipe Creek, Tx
Jake's NEW location is an ice house setting with plenty of parking. Color and patch friendly, tent camping available. Ice cold beer and friendly staff. Jam sessions on Wednesdays, and live music on the weekends. Food provided by “Walk This Way Cafe.” Located at 3810 Hwy16, approximately 3 miles outside of Bandera.
4Way Bar and Grill, Lakehills, Texas
11th street cowboy bar, Bandera, TX
The Old Timer, Medina, Texas
Frio canyon motorcycle stop, leakey, TX
The Twisted Sisters have become three of the most popular roads in the State of Texas. The Frio Canyon Motorcycle Stop is just the place to begin (or end) your ride. We’ve got plenty of great gear to choose from with new “Three Twisted Sisters” merchandise every season. Enjoy one of the best damn burgers you’ll ever have at the Bent Rim Grill. 657 West RR 337 Leakey, Texas 78873830 - 232 - 6629 thunder in the hill countryy banderaa texas ,
Lonestar motorcycle museum, vanderpool, Tx
The LONE STAR MOTORCYCLE MUSEUM is located in the heart of the Texas Hill Country with beautiful motorcycling routes all around. They display a wonderful collection of machines from around the world dating from the 1910's to modern. 36517 Hwy 187, Vanderpool Texas (830) 966-6103 www.lonestarmotorcyclemuseum.com
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Mansfield Park, Bandera TEXAS bikerralliesoftexas.com texasheartbeat.com
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Newly expanded riverside deck 17 screens of sports Monday Night Football
Karaoke Wednesdays Open Mic w/Mark Piper Thursdays Live Bands on Weekends Family operated & owned Two large decks overlooking the Guadalupe River Gift cards available
realalebrewing.com
1521 Junction Hwy, Kerrville, TX 78028 - (830) 896-7437 46
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ummer in Texas Hill Country is all about long, lazy and idyllic days spent by the river, followed by some good Texas fare. We have BBQ, Tex-Mex, and traditional southern classics like chicken fried steak. Now that I have your attention, here’s where to get just that. New Braunfels just might be one of my favorite places. Home to Cooper’s, Rudy’s, and now Black’s BBQ, I’d say it’s a BBQ lover’s paradise. Standing in line at Cooper’s will really test your decision-making skills – and while it’s hard not to play favorites, I’d have to go with their brisket and pork ribs if I had to choose (but please don’t make me). Rudy’s is also a go-to spot for BBQ and home to my favorite creamed corn and new potatoes. Black’s BBQ is new to New Braunfels, and I really enjoy their sliced turkey and ambiance after a day at the river. Truth be told, I never leave New Braunfels hungry and without my next meal to go! I won’t judge if you do the same. The water scene in New Braunfels is just as exciting - adventure seekers will love Schlitterbahn Waterpark, with attractions for all ages. Texas Ski Ranch has a variety of adrenaline-inducing water sports. If a laid-back day is more your thing, Landa Park offers a gorgeous spring-fed pool with a slide and rope swing, an Olympic-sized pool, a children’s splash pad, paddleboats, and a children’s train. Or, you can head down the street to the city tube chute at Hinman Island Park. And if staying dry is your thing, Natural Bridge
Caverns, located just past New Braunfels, offers a comfortable year-round temperature of 70-degrees. Just over the bridge in Gruene, you’ll find several river outfitters to supply you with everything you need for a trip down the Guadalupe. After you’ve splashed to your heart’s content, stop in Inferno’s Pizza, the Gruene River Grill, or the Gristmill for chicken fried steak, towering onion rings, or fun adult drinks. Don’t worry if you overindulge, you can work it off by two-stepping in Texas’ oldest dance hall, Gruene Hall. Be sure to check out their amazing collection of memorabilia while you’re there. Make a splash in Wimberley by booking a reservation at Blue Hole Regional Park. Locals and guests alike enjoy jumping from the rope swings attached to these beloved century-old cypress trees. There’s also a wading area for families with little ones. Jacobs Well is another popular spot, book your reservations in advance. When hunger hits, check out The Wimberley Cafe, Linda’s Fine Foods, I’noz, or the Leaning Pear – all offer fantastic fare with indoor and outdoor seating. Finally, end your day at the EmilyAnn Theatre and Gardens with a live outdoor performance, or at the Corral Theatre, the nation’s only walk-in movie theater. Ahhh, sweet summer days when the sun doesn’t set until 9:00 PM and your head hits your pillow after an incredibly fulfilliing day. These are the magical days we’ll remember!
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gruenehall.com
1281 Gruene Rd.
New Braunfels, TX
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HWY 87, COMFORT, TX
HALLOWEEN PARTY WILL BE OCTOBER 27TH
830.995.5109
Sweikei Insert
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eisman winner Kyler Murray has finally given his final answer – he has chosen the National Football League over Major League Baseball. I can’t but help admire the kid – he’s very talented when it comes to throwing passes and crushing homeruns. In high school, as the starting quarterback, he led North Texas’s Allen HS to three straight state championships and won 43 games in a row. He also played baseball - shortstop/second base - and was a top prospect for the 2015 MLB draft. He was the first player to ever be selected for both the Under Armour All-America Baseball Game and Under Armour All-America Football Game! Instead of entering the baseball draft, he chose to attend Texas A &M his freshman year. Just a few months into the football season, he transferred to Oklahoma when it became apparent he would be battling against another high recruit, Kyle Allen, for a starting nod. With NCAA transfer rules, he had to sit out in 2016. In 2017, he hit the ground running as Baker Mayfield’s backup and even had playing time in a couple of games. Come spring, he switched hats and had a sluggish start playing Sooners baseball, but did so well the following year; he again caught the attention of Major League Baseball. The Oakland A's took him as the 9th pick overall in the 2018 MLB Draft last June and presented him with a high dollar contract including a lucrative signing bonus. In return, he would play in the fall one more season of college football, then report to spring training in 2019. Things got complicated when Murray led the Sooners to the semi-finals of the College Football National Championship collecting a slew of hardware along the way. He won the Davey O’Brien Award, AP Player of the Year, Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year, First-team All-American, First-team All-Big 12 and the big daddy of them all, the Heisman Trophy. He finished out last year with an estimated net-worth of three billion dollars! Meanwhile, the Oakland As quietly waited in the wings for his report to spring training. Now, it is possible to play in both the NFL and MLB at the same time – about seventy have accomplished it – only a small handful since 1987, including Bo Jackson and Deion Sanders. Seahawks Russell Wilson played in minor league ball a few years and currently has a contract with the Yankees. In January 2019, Murray teased the sports world with hints he would not be splitting time with the two sports. The A’s and MLB met with Murray, deviating from the norm, and offered him a major league contract. A decision had to be made soon since spring training was on the horizon. The suspense was over Monday, February 11th. Kyler committed to professional football citing “football had been his love and passion his entire life.” Murray would not get to keep his entire $4.66 million signing bonus with the As. Brace yourselves --- He already has in hand 1.5 million, but only has to repay $1.29 million of that! He hasn’t even picked up a bat! The A’s will retain his baseball rights going forward and he will be placed on the minor-league restricted list indefinitely. Should Murray ever decide to return to baseball, he would have to return to the Oakland organization. Did the Phenom do the right thing? Will he be a part of the Heisman Curse? Will he ever see a batting circle? Will hard hits from his bat ever replace hard hits from a Defense? Check back with me in five years.
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BAND ERAB REW ERY.C OM BEER FLIGHTS LIVE MUSIC FOOD TRUCK BIER GARDEN & FAMILY N' PET FRIENDLY 830.522.4226 HIGHWAY 16 S BANDERA, Texas
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LIVE MUSIC IN THE HILL COUNTRY KERRVILLE Kerrville Festivals 3876 Medina Highway, Kerrville, TX (830) 257-3600 Texas Heritage Music Foundation 2100 Memorial Blvd, Kerrville, Texas (830) 792-1945 Cafe on the Ridge 13439 S Ranch Road 783, Kerrville, TX (830) 896-0420 Pier 27 1521 Junction Hwy, Kerrville, TX 78028 (830) 896-7437 Azul 202 Earl Garrett St, Kerrville, TX (830) 896-9338 Callioux Theater 910 Main Street, Kerrville, TX (830) 896-9393 Ol Watering Hole 1109 Broadway, Kerrville, TX (830) 257-4653 Inn of the Hills 1001 Junction Hwy, Kerrville, TX (830) 895-5000 1011 Bistro 1011 Bistro, 1011 Guadalupe, Kerrville, TX (830) 895-1169
BANDERA LAKEHILLS
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Arkey Blue’s Silver Dollar 308 Main Street, Bandera, TX (830) 796-8826
Hondo’s on Main 312 W. Main St. Fredericksburg, TX (830)-997-1633
Billy’s Ice House 1193 Loop 337 New Braunfels, TX
Flying L Ranch Saturdays - Chuck Wagon Dinner & Show PO Box 1959, Bandera, TX
The Rockbox 109 N Llano St, Fredericksburg, TX (830) 997-7625
Freiheit Country Store 2157 FM1101 New Braunfels, TX
Jake’s 12246 TX-16, Pipe Creek, TX (830) 535-6699
Silver Creek 310 East Main Street, Fredericksburg, TX (830) 990-4949
Oma Gruene’s Secet Garten 1263 Gruene Road New Braunfels, TX
Wildhorse Saloon 134 River Bend Rd, Bandera, TX ( 830) 796-9930
El Milagro Twenty Twelve 249 East Main Street, Fredericksburg, TX Phone:(830) 307-3051
Tavern in the Gruene 830 Gruene Rd New Braunfels, TX
BOERNE/BLANCO
Auslander Restaurant 323 E Main St, Fredericksburg, TX (830) 997-7714
The Brauntex 290 West Seguin New Braunfels, TX
INGRAM / HUNT
Watering Hole Saloon 1390 McQueeney Rd New Braunfels, TX
Cave Without A Name Frequent Concerts in the Cave 325 Kreutzberg Rd, Boerne, TX (830) 537-4212 Blanco Riverside Bar 18 Main Street, Blanco, TX 78606, USA (830) 833-0208
COMFORT/WARING Cocky Rooster 7 US Hwy 87, Comfort, TX (830) 996-5501 Toucan Jim’s 5814 Texas 27, Center Point, TX (830) 634-2640
FREDERICKSBURG
11th Street Cowboy Bar 307 11th St, Bandera, TX (830) 796-4849
Luckenbach 412 Luckenbach Town Loop Fredericksburg, TX (830) 997-3224
4 Way Bar & Grill 9742 FM 1283 Lakehills, TX (830) 751-3400
Crossroads Saloon and Steakhouse 305 W Main St, Fredericksberg, TX (830) 992-3288
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Roddy Tree Ranch 820 Texas 39 Ingram, TX 830-367-2871
CONCAN/UVALDE
Crider’s Dancehall 2310 hwy 39 Hunt TX (830) 238-4441
House Pasture Cattle Co 2 River Rd, Concan, TX 78838 (830) 232-6580
Our House BBQ Old Ingram Loop
Lone Star Saloon 2429 Milam St, Uvalde, TX 78801 (830) 591-9191
Old Ingram Wine Room Old Ingram Loop Encore Restaurant 122 Pointe Theatre Rd
JUNCTION ROCKSPRINGS
The Hunt Store 1634 Highway 39, Hunt, TX (830) 238-4410
Paddler's Porch 126 Flatrock Lake Junction, TX
NEW BRAUNFELS GRUENE
Jailhouse Bar & Grill 108 W. Austin St. Rocksprings, TX
Gruene Hall 1281 Gruene Rd, New Braunfels, TX (830) 606-1281
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Together they have 4 children, Brenna, Charlie, Adelle, and Ruby. They will continue to carry on the Buddy’s legacy by supporting the community in all aspects. As a company Buddy’s is always present in parades, local charity fundraising events, and rodeos! They employ over 20 employees, and are extremely fortunate to have an amazing team of individuals working to serve the community. They pride themselves on being very competitive in the industry with price and quality of work. Well drilling and septic installation are state licensed, Buddy and Roger both hold licenses for all aspects of the business. The employees are licensed as apprentices and attend annual continuing education along with the owners Buddy and Roger. As they like to say at Buddy’s, “When you gotta go, go with the BEST”.
BUDDY’S SEPTIC & WATER WELL SERVICE A FAMILY TRADITION IN BUSINESS & SERVICE
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uddy and Karon Byrd, the founders and owners of Buddy’s Septic & Water Well Service, began their journey together when they were married at only 17 and 16 years old. In the early 1980’s Buddy and Karon started their company, Buddy’s Septic & Water Well Service. They began with drilling & servicing water wells. They later added installation and servicing septic systems along with providing portable toilets. During this time, they started their family as well, their daughter Stephanie was born in 1980 and their son Roger came along in 1986. Roger grew up working with his Dad from a very young age, he has fond memories of riding down highway 173 in the back of the service truck on top of the pipe rack! Once he turned 15 he began working during the summer for Buddy’s. He graduated from Bandera High School in 2005 and started working full time and has recently taken over for his Dad and given his parents the gift of retirement. In 2008 Roger married Melinda Griffin, and she began working for the company after graduating from UTSA in 2009. 68
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HEART BEAT ADVERTISERS
We've grown like a weed over the past five years and have our awesome advertisers to thank. Recognizing the value and doing their part to support Texas Music and Hill Country tourism, some of them have been with us since the 1st issue and for this we are grateful. Please do your part to support our mission and theirs by supporting our advertisers. Tell them you saw them in Heart Beat!
4 Way Bar & Grill 69 Arkey Blue's Silver Dollar 59 Authentic Indian Jewelry 2 Back in the Saddle 2 Backyard Bistro 21 Bandera Ale Project 63 Bandera Bank 33 Bandera Bunkhouse 50 Bandera General Store 33 Bicycle Works 68 Branding Iron Western Gifts 2 Buddy's Water Well & Septic 69 Buffalo Nickel Bar & Grill 37 Cartridge World 57 Chick's Prime Meat Market 30 Cocky Rooster 56 Country Accents Antiques 20 Cowboy Mardi Gras 6 D'Spain Sales & Service 31 Dallas Cowboys Story 70 Dancing Bear Cantina 37 Deep Eddy Vodka 80 Double U Barr Ranch B&B 13 Gibson's Discount Center 46 Gruene Hall 55 Herring Printing Company 29 Hill Country Distillers 8 Hill Country Referral Service 51 74 Heart Beat of the Texas Hill Country
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HYO Silver 27 Jake's 70 Javalina Harley 79 Kazz Autobody 68 Kerrville Folk Festival 10 Lori Darling Goat's Milk Soap 23 Luckenbach Blues Festival 81 Luckenbach Texas 72 McKenna Children's Museum 25 New Year's Eve at 11th Street 15 Oasis Outback 49 Old Glory Ranch Wellness Reset 10 Old Settler's Music Festival 83 Olde Town Marketplace 32 Papa Hoos Hil Country Popcorn 68 Pier 27 47 Pipe Creek Christmas Tree Farm 77 River's Edge Gallery 18 Schlitterbahn 24 Schreiner University 22 Shiner Beer 14 Slingshots in Texas Hill Country 10 Susanna's Kitchen Concert Series 82 The Apple Store and Patio Cafe 67 The Silver Sage 73 Thunder in the Hill Country 71 Toucan Jim's 84 Toys for Tots 26 True Value Hardware 35 Twin Liquors Fine Wine & Spirits 78 Warriors Heart 59 Western Trails Antiques 9 White Water Amphitheater 54 texasheartbeat.com
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Gardening Naturally:
EXPERT KNOWLEDGEABLE SALES STAFF!
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According to an article published January 2 this year in the FLORIDA PHOENIX newspaper, Florida orange groves are facing a monumental problem with “citrus greening disease.” The disease is a bacterial disease that became known as early as 1929 in China. South America reported its crops were affected by an African borne bacteria in 1947. It hit Florida in 2005, and is now considered to be seriously affecting citrus crops across the United States. There is no cure, however, there does appear to be a treatment which delays death of the trees……that treatment is to spray trees with Antibiotics. Federal approval for escalated antibiotic spraying of citrus crops in Florida and California has several public interest groups on high alert. According to the FLORIDA PHOENIX(1), “Several public interest groups, including the Natural Resources Defense Council, the Center for Biological Diversity, the Johns Hopkins Center for a Livable Future, Food & Water Watch, and Keep Antibiotics Working are warning against it.” The paper further reports “The Center for Biological Diversity says the new approval paves the way for up to 480,000 acres of Florida citrus to be treated with more than 650,000 pounds of streptomycin per year to combat citrus canker and citrus greening disease.” The two antibiotics of choice appear to be streptomycin and oxytetracycline. The risks to humans and animals from antibiotic exposure are numerous, with a primary risk being antibiotic resistance. If you’ve kept up with medical bulletins, antibiotic resistance is a major health threat. The Journal further reports “… One EPA analysis notes that “uncertainty exists regarding the potential for development of resistance, or cross-resistance with other antibiotics, that could result from pesticide applications. Both the European texasheartbeat.com
Union and Brazil have banned the use of uytetracycline and streptomycin for use as a pesticide on agricultural plants. The concern is that the antibiotics which now work on human problems like pneumonia, tuberculosis and other deadly infections will become ineffective. Another concern is that the antibiotics will affect bees, which pollinate citrus flowers, as well as small mammals like rabbits. In the environment, antibiotics can change the chemistry of soil and water, knocking ecosystems out of balance.” Your family could be ingesting increased antibiotics not just from consuming citrus, but from simply drinking water from pubic water supplies. You don’t want that. The typical Orange provides only 68 mg of Vitamin C. I might suggest that you consider adding other Vitamin C rich foods to your families’ diet. Did you know that only a ½ cup of chopped Chili Peppers typically contain 107 mg of Vitamin C? Only one cup of diced Red Bell pepper contains nearly 3 times more Vitamin C than a typical orange. Here are other foods with considerably more Vitamin C than oranges. These are per serving: Broccoli: a typical serving provides over 130 mg Papaya: 88 mg Strawberries: 85 mg Cauliflower: 128 mg Brussel Sprouts: 75 mg Pineapple: 79 mg Kiwi: 138 mg Mango: 122 mg https://www.floridaphoenix. com/2019/01/02/dont-want-antibioticssprayed-on-your-citrus-sorry-its-about-toexpand-big-time/
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In the process of promoting sources of information regarding conservation and natural resources, The Master Naturalist Program and Jim Stanley's books, Hill Country Landowners Guide and Hill Country Ecology, have been mentioned. Another excellent program that every community should have is Kerrville's Riverside Nature Center. Included in this facility along the 2-acre nature trail is a Hill Country Arboretum of native trees, a butterfly garden and monarch waystation, a native healing garden, a wildflower meadow, a rainwater harvesting demonstration, riverscape (how Hill Country rivers start and flow) and wildscape (for food, water, shelter), and soil factory (compost). This is an extremely detailed collection of native Hill Country flora that is accurately identified and labeled. This facility is a very useful tool for educating anyone from elementary school students to senior citizens. Some of the organized events and functions are the 2nd Tuesday Brown Bag Lunch and Learn, guided field trips (adults and school), native plant sales and celebrations, and Run For Riverside every September. The basic concept of this facility can be coordinated with other venues such as libraries or even possibly a chamber of commerce office or visitors center. In Bandera County, the Silver Sage Senior Center and Medina Community Library have taken steps toward establishing educational plant exhibits. However, the sole purpose Riverside Nature Center being an educational venue featuring the Texas Hill Country's natural flora is especially effective. The center is operated strictly by donations, memberships, and fund raisers. A very high percentage of the staff consists of volunteers, many of whom are graduates of the Master Naturalist program. The volunteer staff and the executive director, Becky Etzler, are exceptionally dedicated to their cause. Isn't the success of most enterprises most dependent on the people involved? Very opportunely one of Jim Stanley's most recent contributions to the Kerrville Daily Times refers to several similar venues in the surrounding area. His feature in the article is the "Bamberger Ranch Preserve," and the recently published book, Seasons at Selah: The Legacy of the Bamberger Ranch Preserve. Anyone even vaguely interested in Hill Country ecology or properly managing land in the area needs to visit the ranch and read the book. Trying to make a long story short, J. David Bamberger, having come into vast economical resources, purchased a large ranch in Kendall County and has used every facet of knowledge regarding the best techniques for Hill Country land management to create an educational showcase for the cause. Jim's ensuing lists of other Hill Country preserves dedicated to property management include Cibolo Nature Center in Boerne and the Fredericksburg Nature Center in Fredericksburg. Numerous organizations dedicated to the cause of conservation are Native Plant Society of Texas chapters in Kerrville, Boerne, and Fredericksburg, The Hill Country Alliance, Hill Country Land Trust, and several friends of "XXXX" National Park groups. Please consider also that The Farm Enterprises--The Farm Country Club Event Center, Farm Country RV Park, Farm House Restaurant, and the stock farm that has been in the family since the late 1850's are trying hard to measure up and help provide conservation education.
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The Pie Test Pie. It’s what’s for breakfast. Don’t fib to me. You did so eat leftover pumpkin pie for breakfast last Thanksgiving weekend, just like you made a stuffing sandwich on white bread with cranberry sauce. It’s something we all do. (This applies to Texans with northern ties; otherwise it’s leftover cornbread dressing with ambrosia on top.) As Garrison Keillor said, however, “the best pumpkin pie you ever ate wasn’t all that much better than the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.” No matter because eating pumpkin pie is a sacred tradition which must be obeyed. Once our pumpkin pie fall duty is over, we can get on with luscious seasonal pie indulgence. Pecan for winter, Texas peach for summer, and most glorious of all, the majestic lemon meringue for spring. I know there are coconut and chocolate meringue lovers out there, but, honestly, are those pies as bright and uplifting as sunshine yellow custard with brown droplets pooling on a fluffy cloud of sugar and egg whites? Coconut is chewy and chocolate is darkly sweet, but its lemon that surprises you between bites with layers of flavor sweet and tart just like the weather in spring. You never know, just take your chances with each forkful. There’s an older gentleman in my town who every spring searches church bake sales for a “real” lemon meringue pie. He’s been known to plunk down a fifty when he finds one that looks like it will meet his expectations. Creating a gorgeous meringue to adorn a proper lemon curd in a flakey crust takes loving concentration, not to mention real lemons and zest (no bottled stuff!), and a deft hand with egg whites and sugar. More than once, he’s asked the woman who baked the perfect pie to marry him, only half in jest.
Baking a pie for your significant other, or sharing one, can be romantic and fun. Build a road trip around pie eating in the Hill Country and you’ll find unique cafes with entire reputations built on pies. You can hunt down everything from a Southern buttermilk bourbon confection to a traditional apple of German heritage. Want to visit every antique shop in the Hill Country this spring but your spouse is balking? Promise him or her a road trip built around pie sampling. Who can be grouchy when there’s the promise of pie to come? While you’re on that pie road trip, pick up a bottle of Hill Country vodka. When you next make a pie crust, substitute cold vodka for about 2/3 of the water you normally use. No joke. Just try it, just for fun. You never know how a pie crust is going to turn out anyway, do you? Even the most accomplished cooks, especially your older relatives, are likely to say, “well, it isn’t my best crust,” just as you’re lifting the fork to your mouth. It’s my experience, however, that hands are the best implement for creating pie dough so go with the old-fashioned way first, if you are new to pie creation. I’d advise anyone starting a new relationship that a good way to determine compatibility is a pie test. If you’re a meringue pie lover and put a slice in front of your potential mate who then scrapes the meringue off the filling—well—let’s just say chances of a good match just got scrapped. Double those chances if your great aunt or grandma baked that pie. On the other hand, if you both like canned pumpkin baked in a pre-frozen shell with frozen artificial topping, hey, you belong together! And as Seinfeld used to say, “there’s nothing wrong with
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that.” It takes all kinds. Here’s another test: pie humor. If you both find the old slapstick routine of slamming someone in the face with a custard pie funny, have a good life together and stop reading now. For everyone else the inventive Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie commercials on Prairie Home Companion by Garrison Keillor will leave a great taste in your mouth. The radio show is no longer but you can sample the funny bites on YouTube. No matter how gloomy you feel, once Keillor’s song about rhubarb pie gets in your head, singing it will make your feel better. Just remember to “serve it up nice and hot, maybe things aren’t as bad as you thought.” My favorite pie humor sketch is the 1970’s Mary Tyler Moore episode titled “The Lars Affair.” Rhoda (Valerie Harper) and Mary (Mary Tyler Moore) try to help Phyllis (Cloris Leachman) keep her husband out of the clutches of the Happy Homemaker, Sue Ann Nivens (Betty White). Deceptively demure when on TV, the Happy Homemaker uses her cooking skills so aggressively to land Lars that he gains 9 pounds within a few weeks. Phyllis, who only visits her kitchen when necessary, decides she has to change and tries to bake an apple pie. “I’ve never baked a pie before, but it certainly seems easy enough,” she says to Mary and Rhoda. Well, wrong. As Mary gags on the first bite, Phyllis looks at her dough encrusted hands and wails, “do you know how hard it is to make an apple pie? My beautiful hands that once touched the notes of Chopin!” Phyllis then takes a bite of her own pie and her expression says it all. Phyllis instead confronts Sue Ann in her TV kitchen, where Sue Ann has the perfect souffle in the oven. Not for long, however, because Phyllis uses that souffle to get the best of Sue Ann in a much funnier way than the tiresome old pie in the face routine. For more laughs involving pie and a whole lot of other matters, I suggest a cookbook by a Hill Country favorite son. Put aside any tendency to be easily offended and just enjoy Eat, Drink and Be Kinky: A Feast of Wit and Fabulous Recipes for Fans of Kinky Friedman. The recipes are excellent and it’s a good read, especially accompanied by hot coffee and a piece of pie, preferably lemon meringue.
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