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Master Index This Master Index covers thousands of topics found in every Real Love book, the 500 Daily Coaching Videos and all the blogs on the Membership site. In this index you can find Real Love answers to all your questions -- it's like having your own personal coach 24/7. How can you use it? Let’s look at a couple of examples: Example One: You want to tell the truth about yourself to your spouse. You want to change the direction of your marriage and create genuine, intimate, and lasting connections between you. How do you start? What can you say? Let’s look at the index: Go to Truth Telling, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings, like “about ourselves,” “about your spouse,” “about our mistakes,” and more. Or go to Marriage, truth telling in Example Two: Your child is being irresponsible, or angry, or whatever. What can you do? Go to Parenting, and you’ll discover a great many sub-headings that will get your interest, like “teaching children about choice,” and more. Note: all the page numbers for the books refer to the hard copies of the book, not to location numbers in Kindle books. DC = Daily Coaching Videos, 1 - 505 B = Blog, for example, B19Sep12 means blog from 19 Sep 2012 RL = The book, Real Love RLM = The book, Real Love in Marriage RLP = Real Love in Parenting RLD = Real Love in Dating RLWM = Real Love for Wise Men and Women PCSD = Post Childhood Stress Disorder RLV= Real Love and Freedom for the Soul (Victimhood) RLW= Real Love in the Workplace EWB = Essentials of Real Love Workbook BWB = Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook


2+2=4, B23Apr14, B09May14 happiness depends on, B23May16 truth, B20Jul15 2-5-8: examples, B25Feb12 principle affecting how people feel anger, B25Feb12 4 Laws to Eliminate Unhappiness, B15Jul15 4 rules to eliminate unhappiness, B02Mar15 4 steps, B05Nov14 5 truths, see Truth, five 9-11: anger about, B6Oct06B responding to, B6Oct06B A**holes, toddlers, B01Apr16 Aaron, RLP 164-6 Abandoned wife, RLV 153-4 Abandonment: responding to, DC481-3 understanding, DC481-3 Abby, RLP 114-5 Ability, does not automatically follow knowledge, B22Jun11 Ability to Thrive under Stress: contributions to, PCSD 195-6 discussed, PCSD 192-9 explains why some people get PTSD or PCSD, while others don’t, PCSD 194-5 factors that detract from, PCSD 196-8 Absenteeism, caused by conflict and unhappiness, RLW 6-7 Abuse, dealing with, RL121-4 Abuse, emotional: responding to, DC92-94 Abuse, physical: responding to, DC92-94, DC298-302, DC428 Abuse, sexual: responding to, DC252-256, DC474 understanding, DC252-256 Abuse, spousal: responding to, DC298-302 Abuse, verbal: cause, DC87 responding to, DC87-88 Acceptance: earning expensive, B29Aug14 Accepting: absence of criticism a sign of, RL149-51 can’t when needy and afraid, RLP 145-7 complete required of others, not in part, B04Jun12


controlling a sign that we’re not, RL148 deceiving ourselves that we are, RL144-6 definition, RLWM 9 differences in people, RLW165-8 disappointment a sign we’re not, RL144-8 doesn’t mean accepting all situations and behaviors, RL154 doesn’t mean obligated to spend time with, RL157 easier when we see people as drowning, RLW168 easy when seeing clearly, RL136 examples, DC278, *DC442-3, RL149-51 importance of, B08Apr11 impossible when not seeing clearly, RL143-4 lack of, signs, RL144-6 non-verbal, RLP 156-7, RLW180 not approval of bad behavior, RLP 145-7, RLW 169-70 people with their mistakes, RLW 169, RLW 212-13 vs. loving, RL159-61, EWB 325, BWB360 why we don’t, RL143-4, RLP 145-7 Accountability: consequences of not teaching, B14Jan15 desired by most people, RLW 303 examples, RLP 338-9, RLP 354-6 for success, RLP 355-6 in family meetings, RLP 338-9, RLP 354-6 in interview, RLP 359 leaders’ fear of, RLW 229-30 leads to meaning, RLW 303 need for, RLP338-9 planning, RLW 243-4 positive, not critical and judgmental, RLW 303 Action(s): just take, B23May14, B28Jul14, B05Sep14 meaningless, B30Nov16 not same as accomplishment, B16Jul14 required to find love, B05Nov12 tell truth, not words, B30May12, B26Dec12, B02Jan13 Activity planning, RLP 373 Acute stress disorder, PCSD 48-9 Adam, RLP 264 Addicts: need Real Love, example, DC58 Addiction any good?, B11Feb14e cause of, DC208, B01Jun12, PCSD 331, causes proposed by society, RLV 163 characteristics of, RLW 37-8


blinds us to finding real cause of pain, B10May12 breaking, DC76: caused by lack of Real Love, DC57 criterion for diagnosis, DC57 deception of getting what you want in the moment, RL66-7 definition, B16Apr14, RLV 162, RLV 292 denying, B16Apr14 drug, cause, DC319-20, DC335, RLV 288-91 drug, definition, RLV 288 drug, entitlement a cause, B25May16 drug, incidence and cost, RLV 288-9 drug, responding to, RLV 288-91 drug, treatment, DC335 examples, B16Apr14 frequency, B16Apr14 Imitation Love and, RL22, RL66-7 list of, RLV 292 lying about, B16Apr14 media, B17Aug11 nature of, B16Apr14 not disease, RLV 163 not just about alcohol or drugs, RLV 162 playing rest of tape, B01Jun12 Real Love is the answer, DC58 recovery, DC320-21 recovery, making first, DC321 removal necessary, B27Jan16 responding to, DC208-210, DC458, RLV 288-91, RLV 291-2 response to pain, B04Aug07, B10May12, B28Oct15 television, B17Aug11 to approval, B11Feb14e to Imitation Love, RLD13-14, RLD109-10 to praise, RLW 37-9 to Real Love, B11Feb14e, B24Oct14 treating by playing rest of the tape, B01Jun12 treats pain, not cause, B10May12, B01Jun12 variety of, RLV 292 video games, B17Aug11 types of, DC57, DC58 withdrawal gradual, B11Feb14e withdrawal painful, B11Feb14e Adrian, EWB408-13, BWB428-9 Adult Children: being one, RLP 414-5 financial support of, RLP 408 giving advice to, RLP 409


letting go of, 406-7 resentment of, RLP410-2 spouse of, RLP 413 Adults: we expect to communicate more clearly than children, but they don’t, B21May08 Advice: dangers of giving, DC250-251 giving DC22, DC221-224, DC503 questions before giving, DC250-251 slow to give, RLP 155, RLW 178-9 when to give, B28Aug15 Affairs, DC65 married men, DC359 responding to, DC383-7, BWB172-3 Affection, displays of, RLD158 Affliction: blessings of, B24Dec07, B28Feb11, B15Jul11, B15Sep14, BWB324-5 choice, B16Sep09 helps us grow, B15Jul11 helps us identify weaknesses, B03Feb11 necessary, B25Nov16 need for, B15Sep14 not personal, B07May11 reason for, BWB319-24 unavoidable, B16Sep09 understanding, DC459-63 Affluenza, defense for crime, B05Feb16 Africa, no trip to, B22May12 AFTERIOTIDPG, RLV 117 Agreement: can’t force, B30Mar16 changing, RLM 211 making, RLM 213-17 no action until, B30Mar16 supporting, 216-17 AIDS, RLW 30 Alcohol: effects of, B12Aug12 see Drugs Alcohol and drugs, form of running, RLWM215 Alcoholics, responding to, RLV 288-91 Alcoholism: cause, DC319-20 responding to, DC458, B02Jan13 Alcoholism, see Addiction, drug Alice, RLP 411-2


Alligator, fear of, B23Feb11 Allison, RLP 175-7 Allowance, RLP 379-81 Alone: fear of, RL5 most people are, B08May09 Alyssa, RLP114-5 Amanda, RLP53, EWB342-3, BWB371-2 Amazing Grace, B24Dec07, BWB402-10 Amy, EWB381-9 Analysis, don’t get stuck in, B25Sep15 Ancestors, gratitude for, B08Jan16 Andrew, RLP 99-102, RLP 121, RLD28, PCSD 363-4, EWB333-5, BWB365-6 Angela, RLP 85 Anger (angry): accepted by us, B6Oct06A accepted as normal in our society, EWB 45, BWB54 admit you’re wrong when, RLM 125, EWB347-9, BWB377-8 affect on performance, RLW 5-7, RLW 98-102 affect on health, RLW 102 anger management not effective,DC3 appearances, keeping up, B06Apr15 arrogant,DC3, RLD6, BWB178 at behavior, not person, RL154, RL155 at children’s behavior, not at them, RLP 10-11 bad, B04Jul16 benefits of, DC3, RL16,RL 26, RL218, RLM 289, RLW 70, RLW 98, RLW 102 be quiet when, RLM 124-25, RLWM 224-5, EWB344, BWB375-6 be quiet when, examples, EWB345, BWB376-7 benefits of, RLP 67 blaming children for, RLP 114 blaming others for makes us prisoner, PCSD 258 blinding, B20Jan12 calling another adult when parent feels, RLP 114-16, RLP 128-32, RLP 174, RLP 283 can’t hide, RLP 94, RLW 267 captivity of, EWB159 captivity of, see prison of disregards the atonement, BWB176-8 caused by expectations, RLW 103-5 caused by fear, DC120, DC122-123, DC138-140, B27May08 caused by lack of Real Love, DC3, DC15, DC28, DC279-280, RL3-4, RL11, RL15-17, RL71-2, RL117-18, RL146, RL221, RLM 2-8, RLM 23-4, RLM 31-3, RLM 36-8, RLP 19-20, RLP 47, RLP67-8, RLP74, RLP 206-7, RLWM 84, RLW 7-9, RLW 1112, RLW 71-2, RLW 102-3, RLW 108-9, EWB53, BWB62 caused by not getting what we expected, RLWM 231 caused by not seeing clearly, RL140, RL221 causes children to feel unloved and alone, RLP 61-3, RLP 171


causes children to respond with even more Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP 60 causes defensiveness rather than listening and cooperation, RLW 7, RLW 101 causes fear, DC120, B15Oct12 causes for in parents, RLP 66-72 causes mistakes, RLW 101-2 causes of, PCSD 156-7, causes of, RLW 102-6, RLW 108-9 causes PCSD, PCSD 159-60 causes people to respond with even more Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 101 causes unhappiness, B6Oct06B, B15Oct12 children’s, how we feel about, RLP 207-8 children learn, PCSD 156-7 choice, B6Oct06B, RL59, RLP 73-4, RLP 75-7, RLP 307, RLP 312-5, RLP 350-1, RLD38, RLWM 85, RLV 145, RLV 147-8, RLW 72 choice, effects of, RLD37, common, B6Oct06A conflict, see Conflict controls you when you believe others cause, RLM 45 cost of, RLW 71 counterproductive, B15Oct12 customers, responding to, RLW 269-72 dangers of, B06Oct06A, B06Oct06B, B14May14, B19Dec14 deadly, B14May14 defines world as a harsh place for a child, RLP 59-60 demonstrates lack of faith, EWB233 destroys happiness, DC24, DC28, B06Oct06A, B14May14 distinguishes Real Love from conditional, RLM 8, PCSD 7-8, RLV 12-14 don’t express to person you’re angry at, RLW 110-11 don’t express to person you’re leading, RLW 116 drowning a metaphor for, RLM 31-33 early recognition of, RLP218, RLW 265 effect short-term greater than love, RL32-3 effects, B04Jul16 effects funny, B04Jul16 effects immediate, B04Jul16 effects of, DC3, DC7, DC28, B6Oct06A, B6Oct06B, B01Jun11, B28Dec11, PCSD 7-8, PCSD 10, PCSD 84-5, PCSD 157-9, PCSD 350-51, RLW 15-16, RLW 71, RLW 98102, RLW 106-7, EWB41-9, EWB115-19, EWB257-9, BWB51-2, BWB54-5, BWB578, BWB127-8, BWB129, BWB132-3, BWB137, BWB290-1 effects of on children, B01Jun11, RLP 10-13, RLP 58-64, RLP 66, RLP 94 eliminated by choosing to be loving, EWB353, BWB382-3 eliminated by Real Love, DC3, DC39, DC280-281, B6Oct06A, B10Dec08, RL117-20, RL210, RLM 52-3, RLM 126-28, EWB51-3, EWB239, EWB351, BWB5963, BWB274, BWB381-2 eliminated by remembering that God loves us, BWB380-1 eliminated by remembering that you’re wrong when, BWB377-8 eliminated by remembering those who love us, BWB379-80


eliminated by remembering that you’re wrong when, EWB 347-9 eliminated by remembering those who love us, EWB349-51 eliminated by truth-telling, RL248-50 eliminated by understanding other people don’t make us angry, RLM 37 eliminated when understand Getting and Protecting and need for RL, RL15-17, RLM 31-6 RL29-30, RL117-8, RLP 54-6, RLP 89-90, RLP144-5 eliminating by seeing clearly,DC3, RL15-17, RL117-8, RL142, RL171-2 eliminating by making a choice, RLP 90 eliminating by understanding Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLV 32-4, RLW 92-4 eliminating difficult, B08Aug14 eliminating, examples, B10Dec08 eliminating with action, RLWM 224-6 eliminating with five steps, RLW 110-12, EWB344-53,EWB 427, BWB375-83, BWB441 eliminating with Imitation Love, RLWM 86 eliminating with loving, RLWM 226 eliminating with Real Love, RLP 78, RLP 90, RLP 142-4, RLP 172, RLD45-50, RLWM 867, RLWM 202-3, RLWM 226, RLWM 271-2, RLV 35-6, RLW 12-14, RLW 72, RLW 108, RLW 113-16 eliminating with seeing clearly, RLWM 7-8, RLWM 99-100 eliminating with seeing responsibility for our choices, RLWM 99-100 eliminating with understanding, RLD45-50, EWB159, BWB192 eliminating with understanding Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLWM 7-8 equated with murder, BWB130-1 evidence of, RLWM 187 evidence of expectations, RL178, RLM 49 evidence of Imitation Love, RL8-9, RL20 evidence of not feeling loved, RL139 evidence that we don’t like losing power over our children, RLP81 evidence that we don’t unconditionally love our children, RLP9, RLP69, RLP146 evidence that we expect our children to love us, RLP69 examples, DC3, RL31-2, RLD8, RLD35-7, PCSD 11-17, EWB113-14, EWB121, BWB1278, BWB138 examples of child, RLP46, RLP142-4, RLP218-9 examples of parent, RLP46, RLP142-4 examples of reacting to wisely,RLP142-4 expressing alone not effective, RLV 217-18 felt differently by giver and receiver, B25Feb12 five steps to, RLWM 224-6 five steps to eliminating, RL236-43, RLM 124-29, EWB344-53, BWB375-83 five steps to respond to, RLP90-2, RLP114-6, RLP119-20, RLP174, RLW 110-12 foolish, EWB47-9, BWB57-8 freedom of being responsible for, RLP78-9 from others not about us, B21Jan13 God’s, BWB134-6 God’s view of, BWB53, BWB130-3, BWB192 guilt about, EWB119, BWB137


guilt form of, PCSD 160-2 hiding, RL91-2, EWB41,EWB 257, BWB50, BWB290 hiding, how we learned to, RLWM 171-2 how to manage, DC9, DC36 how to respond to your own, RL236-43 “I don’t feel loved” a message of, RLW 99 “I don’t love you” the message we hear from, RLW16, RLW 17, RLW 90, RLW 114-15, EWB41-5, EWB117-19, EWB239, EWB262-7, EWB369, BWB52, BWB267, BWB275, BWB299 “I don’t love you” what we hear, DC7, DC8, DC9, DC010, DC011, DC36, DC141, RLD6, PCSD 7-8, RLV 13, RLV 153-4 identifying, EWB411 incompatible with Real Love, RLV 13-14 indirect, RLWM 188-9 information, B10Aug16 in marriage, EWB381-9, BWB402-3 justifying, EWB47, EWB115, BWB 57, BWB133 justifications for, B06Oct06A Law of Choice violated by, EWB287, BWB319 law of choice and understanding, RLP312-5 learned, how, RLP46, RLP72, RLW 71, RLW 106, EWB117, BWB136 learning impaired by, BWB57-8,BWB 296 learning never better with, EWB263-5 learning to avoid, B05Nov08 learning to use, RLWM 173 lie of, RLP210, RLW 108-9 like egg yolk in meringue, B18Jan13 like hitting physically, B22Jun16 like jumping up and down on broken glass, B28Dec11 love solution for, DC139-140 lying about, how we learned to, RLWM 171-2 makes good leadership impossible, RLW 115-16 makes happiness impossible, RLW 99 makes it impossible for children to learn, RLP61-3, RLP 171 makes our own happiness impossible, RLP 63, PCSD 158, RLV 144-5 makes us prisoners to people if we believe they make us angry, RLV 147, EWB159, EWB237, BWB192-3 makes us slaves to those we blame for our anger, RLP 64 “me-me-me” the message of, RLV 13, RLD6, RLD37, PCSD 7-8, RLW 16 meaning of, RLP 106-7, RLD6, RLD37, PCSD 7-8, RLW 16 meaning of, “I don’t love you,” RLP 58-9, RLP 94, RLP 127-8, RLP 146, RLP 171, RLW 16, RLW 17, RLW 90, RLW 114-15 messages of, EWB233, BWB267 must stop before running, B10Oct12 must stop first in relationships, B01Aug11, B10Oct12 natural, DC16, B06Oct06A


never brings happiness, RLW14 never effective, RLM 34 never express at children, RLM95, RLM196-7, EWB263-5, BWB 295 never justified, B15Oct12 never necessary, EWB47, BWB57 never speak while angry, DC9, DC282-284, B15Oct12, RLM 124-25, RLM 224-25 no, B19Dec14, RLW 116, RLW 327, RLW 328, B15Jul15 not caused by others, *DC3, *DC16, DC17, DC74, DC75, DC76, B18Nov07, B01Sep14, RL3-4, RL15-17, RL117-18, RL230-1, RLM 2-8, RLM 23-4, RLM 36-38, RLP19-20, RLP64, RLP72-78, RLP231, RLP307, RLP312-5, RLP350-1, RLD45-7, RLD47-9, RLWM 84-7, PCSD 240-5, RLV 26-7, RLW71-2, RLW108-9, EWB 53,EWB 119, EWB239, BWB62, BWB137-8, BWB186, BWB193-4, BWB274 not compatible with Real Love, RLP146 not expressing is a loving act, RLW195 not loving, EWB 47-9, BWB52-3, BWB59 not necessary in teaching children, RLP65-66, RLP71, RLP196-7 other words for, EWB 41, BWB50 others, not your responsibility, DC34 parents feel accused when child, RLWM 171 parents use to control children, RLP85-6, RLP206-7 parents use to minimize inconvenience of children, RLP57-8 painful, B28Dec11 peanut allergy and, B14May14 perceived differently by giver and receiver, B25Feb12 poison, DC77, DC159, B6Oct06A, B28Dec11, B11Jan13, B18Jan13, B14May14 power from, RLW48 prison of, B6Oct06A, RLM 45-6, BWB192-3,BWB 273-4, BWB375, BWB454 public, responding to, DC472-3 quiet, be when, RL236-8 reaction to fear, RL101-2 reaction to lack of anger, DC3 reaction to not feeling loved, RLP19-20 responding to, DC24, DC317-8, DC365-7, DC403-4, DC472-3, B05Nov08, B10Oct12, B21Jan13, RL102, RL250-3 responding to, examples, DC89-91, B09Apr07, B19May07A responding to, five steps, RLP91-2, RLW110-12 responding to children’s by acting like victims, RLP210 responding to children’s by attacking, RLP209-10 responding to children’s by lying, RLP210 responding to children’s by running, RLM 210-11 responding to poorly, examples, RLP13, RLP167, RLP174-5, RLP206-7, RLP208-11 responding to productively, RLW259-62 responding to wisely, RLP211-19, RLP290-4 responding to with Real love, examples, RLP168-9, RLP172-3, RLP212,RLP229-31 responding with love, RLM 34-6 responsibility for, B06Oct06A, B06Oct06B


results achieved with are an illusion, RLP177 rewards of, RLWM 172 right to be, DC16, DC77, B06Oct06A, RLV 145 see Attacking see Blaming see Conflict seems justified but is not, B15Oct12 selfish, DC3, DC8, DC36, RL8-9, RL155, RLM 25-6, RLP57-8, RLP130, RLD6, RLD8, RLD37, RLWM 21, PCSD 102, PCSD 156, RLV 144-5, RLV 215-16, RLW16, RLW314-16, EWB45, BWB52, BWB59, BWB178 separates Real Love from everything else, B13Feb09, RLD6, RLD8, EWB38-47, BWB48-56 share with someone else, not person you’re angry at, RL102 shouldn’t be, DC16 sign of Imitation Love,DC3, RLWM 21, EWB 38-47, BWB38-47 so common we accept it as normal, EWB 45, BWB54, BWB 428 stopping, B01Aug11 teaching children anger is a choice, RLP312-5 teaching children the effect of, RLP214-5, RLP291, RLP307 teaching children to understand in others, RLP291, RLP300-1 tell whom about, RL239-40 telling partner about, B10Oct12 telling truth about, RLWM 177, RLWM 184-8, RLWM 201-3 time-out for, B31Aug12 understandable, EWB117-19, BWB136-7 unfocused unacceptable, B14Oct15 unproductive, RLD37, RLWM 202-3, RLW 6-7, EWB47-9, EWB159, BWB57-8 uses of, DC3 venting useless, RLWM 184-5, RLV 217-221 victimhood basis of, DC423 violates Laws of Choice and Expectations, RLW105, RLW107 waste of joy, RLWM 189 welcome to be, EWB344, BWB375 what really means, RLWM 172 why we get, RLW103-6 why we use, RLD35, RLD37-8, EWB117-19, BWB136-7 will express it when, RLWM 225 words we use to disguise, EWB41, BWB50 wounds from, B22Jun16 wrong, RL17, RL56, RL238-9, RLM 25-6, RLM125, RLP65-6, RLP296, RLWM 201, RLWM225, RLV 144-5, RLW106-8, EWB115-7, EWB205, EWB347-9, BWB12934, BWB377-8, see God’s view of “you make me,” belief in makes us prisoners, RLD38 zero tolerance, B22Jun16 zero tolerance for, B10Oct12, B14May14, B05Dec14, B19Dec14, B12Oct15 Anne, RLP81-2, PCSD 361-3 Answering vs. defending, RLW17


Ant, pull gun on, B17Jun15 Antelope, chased by cheetah, B17Oct16 Anthony, RLP374-5 Anthony B, PCSD 1-3, PCSD 37 Antarctica, metaphor about, B30Apr07 Apathy: definition, B14Sep15 eliminated by Real Love, B14Sep15 Apology(ies): can be loving, RLM 98 demanding is selfish, RL151-3, RLWM 99 loving act, EWB 339, BWB368 real meanings of, RLP147, RLP334-5, RLW171 unnecessary, RLP147, RLW 171 Appearance: important to us, RL200-1 nothing to do with Real Love, RL201-2 Apple Corporation, RLW214 Apples, RL44-5, RL132, RLW105, EWB76, BWB183 Apples, metaphor for lying, RLD10-11, Apples, story of clerk who sold rotten, BWB 83 Apple tree, RLWM 70, RLW324 Apple tree, cutting down, RLM 138 Approval: addiction to, B11Feb14e earning, DC84 examples of needing, EWB 65, BWB73 getting, effects of, DC61 need for controls us, DC424-5 need for is a form of need for praise, EWB 65, BWB73 Archaeological dig, therapy, B06Jun16 Arena, fighting in, B13May15 Arguing: examples, B28Jan14 symptom of lack of Real Love, DC51, DC52 vs. learning, B08May12 Arguments, see Conflict Aristotle, RLW 298 Armstrong, Lance, B19Jan13 Asch, Solomon, PCSD 100 Ask: about partner’s feelings, B07Oct15 to learn about condition of relationship, B10Nov14 Ashley, RLP206-12 Aslan, B19Dec13 Assault, imagining personal, PCSD 31-6


Association, PCSD 37 Asteroid, coming, B05Jan15 Atonement, see Jesus Christ, atonement of ATS, see Ability to Thrive under Stress Attacking: anger, see Anger anger most common form, RLD35 definition, RL25, RLP45, RLP205, RLD35, RLV 23 evolution of, RLV 23-4 examples, RL26, RL31-2, RLP45, RLP97, RLD35-7, PCSD 154-62, RLV 23-4, EWB 11315, BWB126-8 Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW70 in marriage, RLM 19-21 must stop before running, B10Oct12 negative consequences of, RLV 24-5 responding to, DC365-7, DC407-8, B23Sep15 responding to people when, RLW259-65 why children attack, RLP45-7, RLP206-7 why we, RLP205 Attention: Doesn’t count when demanded, RLP240-2 how to give, RLP242 Attitude: toward things is learned, B06Jan12 Attraction: based on “best foot,” see Best foot based on Imitation Love, EWB 91, BWB99 law of, DC163-165, DC415, B25Jul16 to what we put out ourselves, DC103 Attractiveness, influenced by Real Love, RLM 254 ATV, stuck, B25May15 Auden, W.H., RLV 70 Auerbach, Red ,RLW 21 Australian accent, RLD72 Authority, source of power, RLW49 Autism, RLP258-9 Autocorrect, B26Mar14 Avoid: people who help you continue old behaviors, B26Dec13 Awareness: essential in avoiding unhappiness, B27Jul16 not balance, B07Jan15 role of, B07Jan15 Ax and maul, RL39-40, RLWM 82, EWB156, BWB186-7 Babbling, B13Apr15 Baby First Steps, B17Jul15 Baby metaphor, raising children, DC6


Baby races, B19Sep16 Babysitter, leaving children at home alone without, RLP376 Back surgery, B11Sep12 Backspace, mistakes, B24May12 “Bad” behavior: condoning, DC439-41 communication of pain, B21May08, B21Jul14 definition, B21Jul14 doesn’t make US bad, B21Jul14 drowning, RLD47-9 eliminated with love, B21Jul14 evidence of drowning, RLP54-6, RLW92-3 Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP38, RLW89 form of irrelevant, DC253 of others often provoked by us, B23Dec11 reaction to feeling alone and lack of Real Love, RLP1-2, RLP9, RLP27, RLP38 response to lifetime of influences, not to event in the moment, RLD204 responding to, DC317-8 response to emptiness and fear, B23Oct06, B17Jan07, B23Dec11 response to a need, DC7 symptoms of lack of Real Love, DC6, DC8 Bad breath, B11Jul12 Bad day, no such thing, B30Sep16 Baer, Greg, story of: RL xi-xiii, PCSD 220-21, EWB21-3, BWB35-6 experience as parent, RLP24-5, RLP121-2 experience with drugs, near suicide, RLP121-2 Baer Personality Inventory, RLW 166 Bag, drop, B24Apr15 Bait: attracts specific prey, B25Jul16 become good, B25Jul16 Baked Alaska, B18Jan13 Balance, not good goal, B24Aug15 Balsamic vinegar, B02Jan14a Bamboo, growing, B27Jun14 Barking dogs metaphor, EWB171, EWB176, BWB 203, BWB209 Baseball cap metaphor, EWB192, BWB227-8 Basement leaking story, EWB 143, BWB164 Basement story, DC1 Basketball, playing with feet, B15Jun16 Basketball player, DC115-119 Beans up your nose, DC16 Beauty: building, B03Aug16 giving up, B03Aug16 Beauty, physical:


influenced by Real Love, RLM254 need for, B22Oct12 physical used to get praise and Imitation Love, RL19 See Pretty trap of, PCSD 324-31 Bedtime, RLP363-7 Bed wetting, RLP376-7 Behavior: bad, B21Jul14 bad only result of lack of Real Love, EWB177, EWB251,EWB 407, BWB210, BWB 284, BWB426, BWB449 changes only with a change in judgment, EWB161-7, EWB417-18, BWB193-200, BWB4334 changing alone is difficult, EWB163, BWB194-6 evidence of goodness, not words, BWB40 evidence of truth more than words, DC415, B30May12 exaggerated when compared to initiating event, PCSD 89-91 leads to greater faith, BWB 272 motivation for more important, B06Jan16 ours, based on lies, B20Aug12 response to lifetime of unloving experiences, PCSD 85-6 see Choices tells the truth, not words, BWB32, BWB40 the real test for Real Love, EWB31-8, BWB43-8 the truth, not words, EWB31-8 Behavior of others related to how we behave, DC225 Behaviors, in, B21Mar16, B28Mar16 Beliefs: changing, B15May15 changing with cognitive restructuring, PCSD 254-8 changing with loving and teaching, PCSD 285-6 created early in life, B15May15 definition, B01Aug12 determined by past experiences, PCSD 68-72 old, chains, B17Feb12 vs. trust, B01Aug12 Benjamin, RLP98, RLP127, RLP138-40, RLP274, RLP300-2, RLP316, RLP346, RLP348-9, RLP389-90 Benjamin, finger injured, DC447 Best: all doing our, B07Nov12, B10Dec12 doing, are we?, B20Feb12 foot, DC29 guilty for doing, B30Jan14 our, good enough, B10Dec12, B30Jan14 people doing or not doing, RL72, RL77, EWB233-5


Best, people do their, BWB266-8 Best foot forward, RLM 17-18, EWB73-7, BWB81, BWB83-4 results unproductive, RLD34 see Lying some degree all right, RLD72-3 taught to, RLD10-11 why we put, RLD29 Bettelheim, Bruno, RLW286 Bible: cultural translation difficulties in,BWB7-8 translations of in Workbook, BWB7-13 use of in Workbook, BWB7-13 Bible verses, see Bible Verses list on page BWB 479-80 Bicycle, EWB227, BWB260 learning to ride, B18May15 Bill, RLP 294-6 Billy, RLP243-4, RLP304-9 Billionaire, B22Aug11 Birth order, PCSD 174-7 Bison, B08Apr11 Blaine, EWB342-3, BWB371-2 Blaming: captivity of, RLP78-9 cause of, B14Sep16 danger of, DC125-126, B01Jun11, B01Sep14 destructive, RLM 62 direct reports is ineffective, RLW120-24 doesn’t work, RLWM 108-10, RLWM 151 don’t take on yourself, DC400 eliminated when we see real cause, EWB99, BWB107-9 eliminated when we understand real cause of unhappiness, RL13-14, eliminating makes change possible, RL124-8 examples, RLWM 108-9, PCSD 258-9, RLW5-6, EWB121, BWB61, BWB344 foolish, DC4, DC13, RL2-4, RLP16, RLP19, RLP21-2, RLP73, RLP73-8, RLW5-7, EWB99, BWB108 God’s view of, BWB107 harmful, RLWM 90 in marriage, DC13 in relationships, EWB97-9, BWB106-7 justifications for, RLWM 108-9 justifying, RL2-3 lie inherent in, EWB324-5 lie of, RLW7-9, RLW67 makes happiness impossible, BWB 248-9 makes it impossible to change, RL81 makes us prisoners, PCSD 258-9, RLV 146


natural, BWB274 parents, wrong, RLP15-16 see Anger understandable, RLP73 unproductive, DC252-256, B01Jun11, RL75-8, RL97-9, PCSD 308, RLW5-7, RLW12024, RLW130-34 vs. understanding, RL11 why we do, DC426-7 Blake, RLD163-6 Blanchard, Margie, RLW1-2 Bleeding and blind, B12Jan11, PCSD 217 Blind(ness): blind to, B20Dec13a caused by anger and blaming, B10Sep12 caused by drinking, B10Sep12 caused by emptiness and fear, B23Jul12, B10Sep12, RLP142, RLP145, RLWM 6-7, RLW 39-40, RLW57-8 caused by no Real Love, RLP145 caused by past experience, B26Mar14 causes fear, B02Feb11, B23Jul12 dangerous, B26Jan11, B10Sep12 eliminated by Real Love, B23Jul12, RLP144-5, RLWM 18, RLW165 feedback helpful, B24Dec14 must disregard people who are, B21Mar12, B23Jul12 need help to see, B11Feb13 opinions worthless of people who are, B21Mar12, B23Jul12 reacting to B04Dec15 see what people can do for us and to us, RLP145 spiral of, B10Sep12 when needy and afraid, RL140 Blocks, stacking, B18Jul16 Blood, compared to Real Love, B30Jan14 Blue Jeans, B18Dec12 Bob, RLP184-6, RLP342-3, EWB343-4, BWB373 Bodies: minimum physical requirements, RLWM 257, RLWM 259 require nourishment, just like we need Real Love, RLWM 259 Bomb, cut wire to, B05Sep14 Bombs, out of, B12Feb16 Book, Real Love: using to help truth-telling, RL92-3 Boredom: definition, B14Sep15 eliminated by Real Love, B14Sep15 Born again: result of Real Love, B20Aug12


result of understanding true source of feelings and behavior, B20Aug12 Boss, angry, DC24 critical, victimhood in, RLV 167-8 Boulder: rolling, B16Sep16 stop early, B16Sep16 Boundaries: RLWM 250-1 cause more fear, B02Jan08 not helpful, B02Jan08 used to protect ourselves, B30Jan08 Boyfriend: jealous, DC33, DC34 won’t commit, DC 59, DC60 Boy Scout troop, EWB367, BWB392 Brad, B19Jun07, RLP13-14 Brain: chemistry, PCSD 46-7 wiring changeable, PCSD 38 Brain tumor, RL111-12 Brandon, RLP274 Bread, RL117-18 Brenda, RLP114-5, EWB292-3, EWB297-8, BWB331-2, BWB335-6 Brer Rabbit, RLV 244-5 Brian, RLD181-2, EWB292-3,EWB 297-8, BWB331-2 Bridge, crossing, B27Feb15 Bridge over creek, RLM 78-9 Brittany, RLD168-9 Bubba, B18Apr14 Bucket: faith, without, like holes in bucket, RLWM 156-7 filled with water or love, RL165-7, RLM 84-5, RLP148 getting loved like fi lling, RLWM 8 loving like pouring water out of, RLWM 8 miracle of, RLWM 8 Bucket of water, filling compared with our filling with Real Love, RLW171 Buckingham, Marcus, RLW28, RLW142 Buggy, mud in, DC447 Bull, don’t milk, DC162, EWB279-81, BWB315-6 Bullies, children responding to adult, DC453-6 Bullseye, B12Dec 11 Bullying: can cause complex PTSD, PCSD 206-10 consequences of, RLW73-4 examples, see Kyle frequency, other characteristics, RLW73 gives people feeling of power, RLW 49


how it happens, PCSD 208-10 parents often guilty of, PCSD 206-10 reason for, RLP295 responding to, RLP294-6, RLW265 school, RLW73 tactics of, RLW74 treatment of bullies, PCSD 331-6 Burden, letting go of, B02Dec15 Burn, reacting to, compared to Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLV 85-6 “Burnout,” cause of, RLW36-7 bus passenger, B06Mar15 Bushel of apples, metaphor for lying, RLD10-11, EWB 76, BWB83 Business, none of, DC52 see workplace Business indexes (productivity, profitability, etc.): flow from less measurable qualities, RLW231 see Performance see Profit Busy, emptiness of, B30Nov16 Busyness, emptiness of, B30Nov16 “But”: examples of, B13Aug14 meaning of, RLWM 135, EWB 429, BWB441-2, B04Jan16 people use to excuse their behaviors, B26Dec12, B13Aug14 problems with, B04Aug14, B13Aug14 top ten, B09Jun14 vs. questions, B08May12 “But you said,” B28Apr14 Butcher knife, RL32-3 Butler, effect of, B04May16 Butterfly: and ox, B24Jun16 helping out of cocoon not good, B15Sep14 wing and controlling Real Love, B15Oct08 Cabin, RL260-1 Calculus, existence, B22Apr16 Call list, EWB 351, BWB381-2 Canoe, help into, B16Mar12, RLP75-6 Canon, RLW3 Can’t, meaning of the use of the word, B16Nov15 Canyon hike, metaphor of, RLV 41-3 Car: burning, B16Oct15 buying, compared to choosing partner, RLD191-2 commercial, B06Apr15


dangerous, B21Aug15 fighting in, RLP385-6 stuck in ditch, metaphor, DC365 Car and oil story, V2 Careers, combinations of Imitation Love received from, RLW 53-4 Caring for people vs. taking responsibility for their happiness, B13Sep12 Carl, PCSD 355-7 Carol, PCSD 117-18 Carsten, RLP184 Cave, experience in, B02Feb11 Caves: exploring, B10Jun16 like life, B10Jun16 maps, B10Jun16 Celebrities, lives of, B31Oct06, B04Jun07 Cerebral palsy, B07Nov12 Chain saw, maintaining, B26Jan15 Chains: beliefs, old, B17Feb12 metaphor, DC27 Change (changing): RLWM 271-3 beautiful, B22Dec14 children won’t work, RLP99-100 desire to is the first step in eliminating conflict, RLW 314 desire to is the first step in finding Real Love, RLP99-100, RLW 119-20, RLW 314 difficult at times, B30Apr14 difficult but simple, DC385, B26Dec11, B23Mar12 examples of in parent-child relationship, RLP94, RLP142-4, RLP167-8, RLP197-9, RLP 206-13 frightening, DC45, B23Mar12 generations required for some, B29Oct12 goal to become reborn, BWB247-8 gradual, B29Oct12 leap required, B26Dec11 other people almost impossible, EWB211, BWB247 other people is foolish, RLD95-6 others, see Controlling ourselves much more productive than trying to change others, EWB211, BWB247 painful, B22Dec14 perspective of determines pain of, B30Apr14 see Growth self first, DC225 single behaviors, RLW 242-3 visible in face of someone with Real Love, 17Sep12 we must change ourselves before our relationships can, RLD25-6, RLD202 Change, desire to:


needed for growth, RL65-6 takes time, RL76-7, RL134 Character, who we are, B08Jul15 Charles, RLP167-9, RLP190 Charlotte, RLP240-2, RLP394 Character traits: expressed different whether loved or not, B16Jul14 Cheap, happiness, B02May16 Cheating, - see Infidelity Cheating B_____, DC15 Cheetah, chases antelope, B17Oct16 Chemistry, of love, B01Apr15, B22Apr15 Cherokee story, EWB 157, BWB187-8 Cheryl, RLD98-100 Chicken(s) free range, B27Apr15 headless, B30Nov16 Childhood: autocorrect from, B26Mar14 can’t just “get over it,” RL14 denial of, B20Oct14 effect, B12Oct16 effect of on rest of life, B17Feb12, B23Nov12, B26Mar14, B04Apr14, B30Apr14, B19May14, B16Jun14, B23Jun14, B24Sep14, B20Oct14 effects, examples, B29Jul16 effects of, B30Jan15, PCSD 9-11, PCSD 68-78, PCSD 105-7 forgetting common, B30May14 independence from, B04Apr14 just get over it, RLP21 lifetime effect of not getting Real Love in, RLP21 Real Love essential in, B23Nov12 regaining with love, B13Apr15 Children: 10 commandments for, B10Sep14 abandoning, DC474 accepting, not condoning, DC347 acting out, DC231-233 adult, see Children, adult (entire entry below) adult, see Parenting, adult children anger and rebellion caused by victimhood, RLV 162 ask for Real Love freely, B18Feb11 bad behavior caused by lack of Real Love, B17Jan07 bad behaviors of, DC344-8 “bad” behavior proof of our failings as parents, RLP14, RLP18-19 “bad” behavior reaction to emptiness and fear, RLP2 believe loving means giving them what they want, EWB425, BWB439


believe parents’ definition of love, B21Jan11 born different, RLP258 can’t love parents unconditionally, EWB393, BWB413 care only about being loved, DC420-1 caring for too much, B07Oct16 college education and, DC361-2 controlling, B23May11 correcting, DC287-290 crippled by too much parental “giving”, DC361-2 crossed eyes in, DC260-262 deceived by conditional love of parents, B21Jan11 disobedient, teaching, EWB369-79, BWB393 drowned by parents, B01Jun11 effect of divorce on, RLM 302-5 effect of not being loved by parents, DC344-8, B17Jan07, B21Jan11, B01Jun11, B17Feb12 enabling, DC395 entitled, why, B07Oct16 entitlement in, B09Aug11 expectations for Real love, DC346 factors that effect, PCSD 104-5 faith in, inspires them, EWB423, BWB438 feel love, DC420-1 fighting, DC6 freedom of, B06May16 gift from, B31Oct12 gratitude for love not reasonable, B15Feb12 grow through pain, B06Apr11 helping, risk of, *DC333-4, DC395 helping too much, DC395, B11Apr11, B09Aug11 homework and, BWB450 hurt by permissiveness, B11Apr11, B09Aug11 hurt by small wounds, B27Jun11 inconvenient, RLP57 imitate us, B05Jan13 irresponsible, teaching, EWB369-79, BWB393-400 job of, B15Feb12 lack of love caused by parents, DC319-20, B22Jul11 learn by parent’s example, DC8 learn from their decisions, EWB38-9 learning to love with, B15Feb12 leaving behind what they were taught, B28Jun12 lies taught to, B17Oct12, B21Jan13 listening to, B05Jan13 loving means teaching them to feel loved, loving, responsible, EWB425, BWB439 loving, risk of, DC333-4 loving others unconditionally, B31Oct12


lying, taught to, RLV 20 medical needs in, DC260-262 media use in, B17Aug11 naturally accept Real Love, B25 Nov12 need our love, not our praise, EWB363-7, BWB390-1 need Real Love like buildings need rebar, B23Nov12 need Real Love most, EWB262, BWB294 need real love to be happy, DC7, *DC28, DC344-8, DC420-1, B17Jan07, B23Nov12, RLWM 257-8 need to be independent, EWB389, BWB410 needs, expressed indirectly, RLP5-6, RLP13-14 not loved conditionally, DC75 not responsible for loving parents, DC498, B15Feb12, B17Sep14 not responsible for parents’ feelings, B17Sep14 not stupid, DC347 opportunity to learn to love, B15Feb12 parent’s anger = “I don’t love you”, DC7-8, DC28 parents wanting to control, DC344-8 perspectives determined by parental lens, PCSD 68-72 preparation for happiness of, B27Nov15 protecting, DC260-262 protecting not always desirable, B06Apr11, B04Apr12, B20Apr12 real victims, RLWM 214 rebellious, DC28 rescuing bad, B21Oct15 rescuing vs. helping, DC453-6, B06Apr11, B09Aug11, B04Apr12 responsibility of, B15Feb12 saving bad, B21Oct15, see Parenting see Parents speaking like victims, examples of, RLV 305-6 taught by parents to buy Imitation Love, BWB388-90 taught by parents to buy praise, EWB361-7 taught by parents to fight among one another, EWB369, BWB395 taught by parents to use all Getting and Protecting Behaviors, EWB 369, BWB394-5 taught principles no longer true as adults, B28Jun12, B21Jan13 teaching about the Law of Choice, RLV 191 teaching about victimhood, RLV 191, RLV 266-70 teaching how to respond to victims, RLV 306-8 teaching how to tell the truth about their victimhood, RLV 204-5 teaching, importance of, B27Nov15 teaching like training a dog, B29Sep14 teaching Real Love, B25Dec15 television viewing in, B17Aug11 telling truth to about parents, B20Apr12, B08Oct12 texting in, B17Aug11


their idea of loving them, EWB423, BWB437-8 trade Imitation Love with parents, EWB391-3, BWB413 train parents to be angry, B03Dec11 train parents to behave in certain ways, B03Dec11 training like training dog, B29Sep14 unhappiness in, blaming others for, RLP1-2 unhappiness in, evidence of, RLP1-2, RLP5-6 until they feel loved, can’t hear anything we say, EWB263-5, BWB295-6 victimhood leads to anger and rebellion in, RLV 162 victimhood of, DC270-271 video games and, B17Aug11 view of self taught by parents, DC48 what to tell parents who use child as pawn, DC56 whine because it works, EWB391, BWB411-12 why we have, RLP71-2 without Real Love grow up to use Getting and Protecting Behaviors, EWB156 without Real Love grow up to use Getting and Protecting Behaviors and to sin, BWB186 without Real Love severely affected, EWB156, BWB186 without sufficient Real Love are handicapped, RLD47 world defined by parents, DC323 Children, adult: bad behavior of, DC464-6, B31Oct14 controlling mother, DC20, DC61 disapproving of mother’s boyfriend, DC44 healthy relationship with parents, DC21 leaving home, DC19, B31Oct14 mama’s boy, DC21, B31Oct14 parenting, DC19, B31Oct14 see Parenting, adult children responding to, DC464-6, B31Oct14 what to say to controlling mother, DC61 China: Real Love in, B19Dec12, B21Mar14, B26Aug16 visit to, B11May11, B17May12 Chocolate, truck filled with, RLD167 Choice(s) (and choosing) See also Self-control: ability to make,* DC215-216, B22May08, B06Feb12, B17Nov14 ability to make exists only when we can see it, B17Nov14 affected by lack of Real Love, RL59, RL124 affected by past and self-control, RL39-40, RL124, RLWM 72-81, RLWM 258 allowing children to make, RLP268-73 always have, RLV 135-7, RLW 287-90, EWB173, EWB307-9, BWB186-7, BWB206 always one to make (not trapped), DC17, RLM 45, PCSD 258 bad, consequences of, B19Aug16 bad lead to none, B21Nov14 based on desires, not facts, B04May12


based on feelings, not facts, B04May12 best to find Real Love and happiness, RLWM 68 between life and death, EWB 309, BWB345-6 black and white, B13May11, B06Feb12, EWB307-9, BWB345-6 can always make our own, RLWM 65- 8, RLWM 96-8, RLWM 211, RLWM 244, RLWM 249 can make only as we’re able to make them, not just because they exist, B22May08 can’t make if can’t see, B17Nov14 changing mine, RL39-40 changing others, see Changing other people children must be allowed to make as they understand consequences, EWB391, BWB411-12 conscious, B15Apr11 consequences follow, B18May16 consequences of, DC172, B08Sep07, B15Aug11, B09Jan12, RL111 consequences of bad, B19Aug16 consequences of not our choice, EWB305, BWB343 control only until children understand consequences of making, RLP263 controlling, see Controlling dangers of violating, RLP261-2 determined largely by the Real Love we have, RLWM 81-2 don’t exist if we can’t see them, DC428, B22May08, B02May12, B21Dec13a each one combines with others to create big effect, B03Jun11 effects, B12Sep16 eliminating conflict with, see Conflict, eliminating encouraging children to make, RLP273 examples, DC17, B21Sep11, B06Feb12, RLP272 exist only if we can see them, B22May08 explaining and thereby broadening the purpose of teaching, RLW 203-4 factors determining other than self-control and Real Love, EWB157-9, BWB188 four in relationships, RL49-60 four in relationships, see Relationships freedom from knowing we have, DC444-5 good lead to more, B21Nov14 happiness impossible without, RLP262 importance of each, B21Mar11, B22May15 improve as we grow in knowledge and in Real Love, RLP97-8 just make, B09Sep16 just make and learn from, B23May14 Law of Choice, RL 48, RL151-2, RL229, RLM 40-5, RLP 261, RLD98-100 Law of Choice defined, RLW 104, RLW 287 Law of Choice, examples, DC17, DC76, B21Sep11, RLM 150-52, RLM 181-83, BWB326 Law of Choice, freedom of, EWB287, BWB326 Law of Choice, how we want to modify, EWB285-7,EWB 287, BWB318-19, BWB326 Law of Choice, importance of, RLW 104 Law of Choice in conflict, RLM140-42 Law of Choice in marriage, RL190-1,


Law of Choice most important principle in relationships, RL48 Law of Choice, understanding eliminates disappointment and anger, RL229 Law of Choice, violated by anger, RLD97, RLW 105, RLW 107, RLW 287, EWB287, BWB319 Law of Choice and God, BWB319-24 law of, children occasional exception to, RLP262-3 law of, selfishness caused by not understanding, RLP316 law of, teaching to children, RLP303-9 law of, two principles following from, RLP304 law of helps us understand that we’re never victims, RLP315-6 learn from, DC158, B24Jan07 life or death, B21Mar11, B13May11, B24Feb16, B11May16 limited, B17Nov14 limited by awareness, B11May16 limited by lack of love, B27Apr15, B02Oct15 limited by parents, PCSD 96-7 limited by the Real Love we have, EWB156-7, EWB175, BWB186-8, BWB207 limited when we can’t see another, B27Apr15 limiting for benefit of others, RLW 287-8 loving not when we can’t see it, EWB175 make, let consequences follow, B27Apr12, B23May14, B05Sep14 make now, B05Sep14 making good ones difficult when we can’t see them, RL39-40, RL59 making in right order, B27Apr12 making yours regardless of what others do, RLM 41-5, RLM 140-42, RLM 150-52 more available the more we know, EWB 173, BWB207 most important first, RLW 289-90 must make, B05Sep14 must see them to change them, RL68, RL124 none we can see in absence of Real Love, RLV 145 of others, B25Feb15 of others, we don’t value as much as ours, RLP261-2 our own what we need to focus on, B03Sep14 our responsibility, RL39-40 paralyzed by, B09Sep16 pay for, B09Jan12 power of, B06Feb12, B03Sep14, B30Sep16 price for each, B15Aug11, B09Jan12 price of that others get to choose, B25Feb15 priorities of, B27Apr12 Real Love is, B17Aug15 responsible for, RLWM 88-102 responsibility, not a convenience, RLP74, RLW 108-9 responsibility for, see Responsibility responsible to make, RLWM 97-8 right to make essential, RLWM 49-50,


right to make loving, DC241-242 right to make our own, not those of others, DC170-172, B21Sep11 right to make, even when inconvenience others, RL151-2 roles of self-control and Real Love in determining, EWB156-7, BWB186-8 see Choices, see Controlling see Leaving relationships see Live with the pig and hate it see Live with the pig and like it seeing them makes them possible, RLWM 70, RLWM 82 synergy with Real Love, RLP122-3, RLW 163 teaching children about choices of others, RLP274-5 teaching children how to make different ones, RLP215-6 teaching how to make, B06Feb12 three, RLW 288-90, B02May16 three choices (live with it and. . .), RLD98-100, RLWM 52-4, RLWM 67, RLWM 96, EWB284, BWB326 three choices, examples of, RLD98-100 three, examples, DC134-137, DC238-239, DC327-30, B21Sep11, RLM 42-3, RLM 44-5, RLM 140-42, RLP306-9, RLP312 two, B11May16 unavailable if we can’t see them, B22May08 unique ability of human beings to make, RLW 108 we are responsible for those we make, DC159 we make the best we can see, RL71 what really want, RLWM 68-70, RLWM 235- 9, RLWM 241 with or against rules of happiness, B08Sep07 Choking story, raising children, DC7 Choose, relationships, whole package, B14Aug15 Chores: ages for different, RLP332-4 assignments clear and specific, RLP325-7 children need, RLP323 cleaning up, children who resist, RLP390-1 examples, RLP324 how to assign, RLP325-7, RLP327-31 opportunity to learn to be loving, RLP323, RLP325-7, RLP368-9 ownership of, RLP325-7 really doing vs. creating appearance of doing, RLP346-7 regularly assigned, RLP323-334 special assignments, RLP331 teaching with consequences, RLP339-42, RLP391 written assignments, RLP330-1 Chris, RLP72 Christmas: budgeting for, DC207


choosing your level of participation in, DC206, B27Oct06 compulsion of gift giving at, DC205, B27Oct06, B14Nov11 expectations of, DC205, B27Oct06, B14Nov11 finances in, DC477-9 freedom from, B13Dec12 gifts often a way of buying Imitation Love, DC205, B27Oct06, B13Dec12 gifts of Real Love to give, B20Dec07A, B14Nov11 hating, B27Oct06 Imitation Love and, B27Oct06, B13Dec12 obligation of, B13Dec12 purpose of, true, B20Dec07A, B14Nov11, B13Dec12 Real Love gift for, B20Dec07A, B14Nov11 stress of, B14Nov11 Christopher, RLP172-3 Cindy, RLP229-31, EWB 389, EWB399-401, BWB410-14, BWB416-21 Circumstances: don’t determine our happiness or stress, B16Sep09 Civil conflicts and victimhood, RLV 172-9 Clay, digging dry, B14Nov12 Clearer: and sooner, B21Jan15 communication, B21Jan15 Cliff, staying away from edge of, B20Jun14 Climbing, like growth, B02Sep08 Clinging: cost of, RLW 83 definition, RLP50, RLP233, RLD40-1, PCSD 167, RLV 28, RLW 82-3 described, RL27, RLM 22-3 effect of on children, RLP233-4 examples, DC363-4, RL27, RLP50, RLP233, PCSD 167-8, RLV 28, RLV 94, RLW 83, EWB127, EWB133, BWB143 healthy, B15Dec14, B23Nov16 our responses to, RLW 282-3 parents to children, RLP89 preventing, RLP234 responding to, DC166-167, DC364 responding to badly, RLP233 responding to correctly, RLP234-5 responding to more productively, RLW 282-3 see Getting and Protecting Behaviors Cliff, jumping from, B31Jul15 Clothing: allowing children to make decisions about, RLP269-70, RLP389-90 modesty in, RLP390 Clovers, four-leafed, EWB 270-1, BWB304 Club foot, DC358


Coaching: paid, B11Jul11, B04May11 vs therapy, B10Feb16 Codependency, B24Mar08 Coffman, Curt, RLW 28,RLW 142 Cognitive behavioral therapy, PCSD 234-5 Cognitive restructuring, PCSD 254-8 Cohabitation as prelude to marriage, RLM 292 Cold water, jumping in, B26Dec11 Collaboration: affected by conflict, RLW 5-7 affected by Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 88 increased by truth telling, RLW 154-6 leaders facilitate, RLW 248 Real Love’s effect on, RLW 23-4 stopped by fear, RLW 154 Collective farms, RLW 298 College and shyness, DC41 College education, paying for, DC361-2 Collins, Jim, RLW 140 Colors, blending like a relationship, RL49 Columbus: changed maps, B08Oct14 journey of, B27May16 Coma, physical and emotional, B18Jan16 Commandments: greatest is love, BWB38, BWB130, BWB161-3, BWB168, BWB213 reason for, BWB98, BWB130-1, BWB161-3 10 for teens, B10Sep14 Commitment (Commit): can’t make someone, DC60 changing, B08Aug16 Cortez, B31Dec13 examples, DC179-181, B31Dec13 importance of, DC179-181, B06Jun11, B31Mar14 in relationships, why people avoid, EWB419, BWB435 information changes, B08Aug16 keeping, DC315-6 making, B31Mar14 no guarantees in, B31Mar14 poem, B26Feb16 power of, B31Mar14, RLM 174-78, B26Feb16 real, B31Dec13 responding to lack of, RLD188-90 to happiness, B26Feb16 “trying” used as substitute for, B06Jun11


why men (and women) fear in relationships, RLV 154-7 why people avoid, RLD187-8 why we avoid, DC18 Common ground: principle of, B02Jul14 resolving conflict with, B02Jul14 Communication: affected by anger, RLW 5-7 affected by conflict, RLW 5-7 affected by Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 88 asking questions, B10Nov14 avoiding “negative” is a bad idea, RLW 216-17 easy without getting and protecting behaviors, DC4 effective with Real Love, RLW 116, RLW 175-8 how to encourage, RLW 216-17 impossible with getting and protecting behaviors, DC4 intense productive, RLW 216-17 meaningful, B21Nov16 must be supplied by good leaders, RLW 216-17 “need to know” concept not productive, RLW 216 never express disappointment or anger during, EWB345, BWB376 non-verbal, RLP156-7 open necessary, RLW 216-17 see Listening techniques alone ineffective, RLW 116, RLW 176-8, RLW 181-3 unproductive concepts in, RLW 216 we don’t know how, so we use Getting and Protecting Behaviors, B21May08 Community relations, poisoned by focusing on Imitation Love, RLW 58 Compacting soil, B10Dec08 Comparison: of ourselves to other people, wrong, B14Mar12 Compartmentalization, described, PCSD 23-5 Compensation: according to value not “level”, RLW 223-4 employee need for, RLW 205 Competition: BWB389, BWB391-2 how we can avoid, EWB365-7 how we get feeling of power from, EWB365-7 how we teach our children to lust after power with, EWB365-7 not for Real Love, B05May14 our pre-occupation with, EWB365-7 Complaints (complaining): effect of, B28Sep16 new perspective on, B14Jan08 people like it, B05Nov08 Complex PTSD:


cults, PCSD 204-6 described, PCSD 202-10 similar to PCSD, PCSD 202-10 Complicated (situations),V1 Compliments, RLD152-3 Composition, metaphor of, DC311-12 Computer metaphor, FSG Concentration camps, RLP76, RLWM 85 lessons of, 02Feb15 Conditional love (see also Imitation Love): as children, RL9-10 avoiding, DC388-91 confusing, EWB57, BWB66 defined, RL8-10, RL85-6, RLM 8-11, RLP8-9, RLP36, RLD8, RLD23, definition, PCSD 78, RLV 11-12, EWB57, BWB66 deceives children, B21Jan11 definition, B31Oct06, RLW 11-12, RLW 60 distinguished from Real Love by presence of disappointment or anger, PCSD 7-8, RLV 1214, RLW 15-16 earned, RLD8, RLV 146 effect of: RL10, RLP28-9, RLD8, PCSD 7-9, PCSD 12-13 effects on children, FSG, DC4, B21Jan11, EWB59, BWB69 evidence of, RL9, RL13 examples, DC4, RL9-10, RLP8-9, RLP14-15, RLP99-100, RLD6, RLD23, PCSD 7-8, RLV 11-12, RLV 146, RLW 11-12, RLW 15, EWB55-61, EWB65-7, BWB64-72, BWB74-6, B18Dec15 falling in love, RL33-5 identifying, DC389-90 “I love you because . . .” RL33 in childhood, EWB55-61, BWB64-9 leaves us empty, RLW 11-12 nature of, RLD6 no amount can make us happy, RLD92-3 proof of, RLP18-19 see Imitation Love tend to pass on, RLP16-17 unpleasant experiences with, RLW11-12 vs. Real Love, RLV 12-14 what we learned from, EWB57, BWB66 worthless, RLD92-3, EWB279, BWB 313-14 Confidence: and humility, B23Mar16 defined, B23Mar16 from love, B18Mar15 Conflict: a choice, PCSD 301-2


affects performance, RLW5-7 about sex, RLM 268-75 always about being right worsens, BWB239-43 always about Real Love, see Real Love avoiding, DC283-284, DC397, B20Jan09, B11Jan11, B02Sep11, B28May14, B02Jun14, B17Oct14, B07Jan15 avoiding often leads to safety but not love, EWB 409-10 avoidance of can become crippling, PCSD 345-52 cause of, DC80, DC81-83, DC120, DC236-239, DC263-264, B11Nov08, RLW 7-9, RLW 14-15,RLW 89-91, RLW133-4, RLW153-4, RLW319-20 caused by emptiness and fear, DC218-220, B24Mar07, B11Nov08 caused by emptiness and fear and Getting and Protecting Behaviors, not differences of opinion or anything else, EWB205-7, EWB383, BWB24, BWB287, BWB430, BWB 454-5 caused by lack of understanding, DC138-140 causes loss of performance, RLW5-7 causes loss of time, RLW5-7 children, B23May11 children’s caused by us, RLP289 common in workplace, RLW5-7 confusion of, DC246 cost, B16May14 costs of, RLW5-7 definition, RLM 111, RLWM 221 determining what you both want in, RLM 142-47, RLM 265-68, RLM 271-72 eliminating, DC104-108, DC171, DC264, DC282-284, DC365-7, B01Aug11, B17Oct14, RL 228-43, RLM 110-65 eliminating, examples, RL118-19, RL184-6, RL231-2, RLM 33-6, RLM 140-47, RLM 15051, RLW22-3, RLW89-91, RLW114-15, RLW131-3, RLW181-7, RLW18991, RLW193-4, RLW260-62, RLW266-9, RLW270-72, RLW312-17, RLW325-8 eliminating, not managing, RL228-9 eliminating by listening, RLM 116-22 eliminating by loving, RLM 272-75 eliminating by not speaking in anger, RLM 124-25 eliminating sooner, B17Oct14 eliminating with listening, RLW270-72 eliminating with principle of Common Ground, B02Jul14 eliminating with Real Love, DC149-152, RL229, RLW 153-4, RLW 270-72, RLW 320-21 eliminating with Real Love, examples, EWB291-2, BWB210-11, BWB330-1 eliminating with truth telling, B12Oct12, RLM 129-35, RLW153-4 eliminating with understanding of Law of Choice, RL229, RL231-2 elimination, examples, B08Jun16 elimination, process of, RLW319-30 elimination of, RLWM 223-56 examples, 5-6, see Conflict guaranteed to continue using the same tools, EWB381, BWB402-3


“I don’t love you” the message that causes the problem, EWB415, BWB430 increases general state of defensiveness, RLW5-7 interrupting, B17Oct14 lack of Real Love is the root of, RLM 111-15 Law of Choice in, RLM 140-42 leaving versus running, EWB347, BWB377 “little,” resolving, RLM 159-60, RLM 164-65 marriage, B29Apr08, B01Aug11 not result of differences but result of emptiness, fear, and Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW153-4 origin in scarcity, RLWM 221-2 preventing, B17Oct14, RLWM 251-4 preventing by asking four questions, RLM 152-55 preventing by asking questions and offering love, RLM 156-58 preventing with Primary Decision, RLM 160-65 preventing with steady supply of Real Love, RLM77-80 process of, DC120-123 Real Love protects us from, B02Jun14 recognize what you really want in, RLM 138-40 refuse to be, RLW 328-30 refusing to be in, DC310, DC449, DC505, B11Jan11, B02Sep11, RLM 147-52 repetitive, examples, EWB381-3, BWB403 responding to, example, B19May07A responding to, in children, B19Jun07 responding to with five steps to eliminate anger, EWB344-53, BWB375-83 resolving, examples, RLP128-31, RLP164-6, RLP167-9, RLP172-3, RLP175-7, RLP213-6, RLP229-31, RLP290-4, RLP297-300, RLP300-2, RLP304-9, RLP310-2, RLP312-5, RLP356-7, RLP367-9, RLP385-6, PCSD 358-61 resolving, see Conflict, eliminating sequence of “I don’t love yous” in, RLW85-6 resolving with consequences, RLP216-7, RLP229-31 Rules of Seeing in, RLP164-6 solution for, DC80 solutions much easier with Real Love, EWB419, BWB 434 stopping most aggressive behavior first, B01Aug11 stopping often not wise, RLP170, RLP291 stopping sooner, B21Jan15 subject of, see Rules of Seeing, Third subject of always “I don’t love you”, RLW 89-91, RLW131-3, RLW281, RLW319 telling the truth about ourselves in, EWB386-9, BWB407-9 truth, painful, B31Aug16 understanding, RLW16-18, RLW85-6, RLW97-8 vs. disagreements, RL184-6, RL228, RL234-5, RLWM 221 vs Real Love, B18Dec15 waste of, B07Mar11 we tend to avoid, BWB428 what to say when walk out on, EWB 291, EWB345-7


withdrawal vs. running, B02Sep11 withdrawing from, DC310, B02Sep11, RLM 148-49, PCSD 301-4, RLW328-30 Conflict resolution: admitting we’re wrong in, RLWM 230 anger, never speak in, RLWM 224-7 examples, RLWM 132-3, RLWM 136-8 determine how to get what you and your partner want, RLWM 239-43 differences, resolving, RLWM 255-6 getting loved during, RLWM 231-2 Law of Choice in, RLWM 143-5 listening in, RLWM 132-3, RLWM 136-8, RLWM 224 not compromise or trading, RLWM 244-5 not “giving in,” RLWM 225 refuse to be in, RLWM 246-51 telling the truth about yourself in, RLWM 227-32 Conformity, PCSD 100-101 Confusion: about who we really are, B08Jul15 lost in, B07Aug 12 no, B15Jul15 pain from, DC236-239 see Who we are way out of, B07Aug 12 why, B24Jan07, B4Dec06, 04Jul11 Connecting emotionally, Girls vs boys, DC12 Connection, need for, B28Nov06 Connie, RLD141 Conscious, definition, B12Aug16 Conscious living, B15Apr11, B20Feb12 Consequences: always follow choices, B18May16 applied after loving, DC491, B10Feb12 can’t choose, B18May16 characteristics, RLP180, RLV 142-3, RLW303-4, EWB267-9, BWB299 choosing, DC375-7, B23Apr14 consistent, RLP253-4, RLP341 discussing before they’re imposed, RLP183, RLP227, RLP341-2 don’t apply for only occasional mistakes, RLP343 don’t get angry, DC142 essential in parenting, B11Apr16 essential to teach responsibility, B11Apr16 examples, DC142-143, DC375-7, DC408, B17Jan07, B06Feb12, B10Feb12, B23Apr14 RLP178-82, RLP184, RLP184-6, RLP216-7, RLP225-8, RLP229-31, RLP253-4, RLP339-42, RLP366-7, RLP369-71, RLP385-6, RLP391, RLW305-7, B26Aug15 external vs. natural, BWB301-2


God’s, BWB300-1 have no personality, DC142 how to administer, RLW 304-5 incorrectly imposing, RLP184 imposed for bad behavior, RL31, RL154-7 judging harshness of, EWB395, BWB415 let them teach, DC143, B10Feb12 like real life, DC142-143, B23Apr14 like Wal-Mart, DC143 loving, RLP180, RLP184-6, RLP341 misunderstood, RLW 303 natural, RLP182-3, RLP253-4, RLP268-9, RLP332, RLP369-71 never impose while irritated, EWB395, BWB415 not punishment, RL30-1, RL156-7 not responsible for, RL229-31 of choices more far-reaching than we realize, B24Aug12 offering variety, RLP227-8, RLP342, RLP342-3, RLP385-6 parenting and, EWB377, BWB400 purpose, DC375-7, DC408, B17Jan07, RL156, RLP180, RLP181, RLV 143, RLW 303-4 purposes of, EWB269, BWB300 resolving conflicts with, RLP216-7, RLP229-31 saving children from is actually unloving, B17Jan07, B10Feb12 severe sometimes, B19Aug16 skipping, RLW 307 teach us, DC118, DC143 teaching with, DC142-143, DC287-290, B17Jan07, B10Feb12, B23Apr14 types of, RLW305 use when loving and teaching are not enough, RLP178, RLP225-8 vs. punishment, RLP180, RLV 142-4, RLW 304, EWB267-9, BWB298-9 without anger, RLP180, RLP253-4 Consistency, need for, B12Nov12 Contracts: at work, RL222 don’t make happy children, B28Nov08 see Promises Control and controlling: addiction, DC57, DC355 alone when, RLWM 51 anger expression of a desire to, EWB287, BWB326 anger sign of, RLWM 54 avoid, DC144-145, B15Oct08, B21Sep11, B17Dec14 business, none of *DC52 can’t create goodness, B04Dec07 caused by victimhood, RLV 77-8 causes dependence and weakness in those we control, RLW 291 causes resentment, RLW 291-2


causes unhappiness, RLW 291 consequences of, RLWM 50 cost of, RLP195, RLP266-8, RLW 210, RLW 250, RLW 290-92, RLW 298 dangers of, DC265-266, *DC363-4, B18Mar07A, B01Feb11, RLV 67-8, RLV 70-1 disappointment sign of, RLWM 54 disregard for Law of Choice, RLV 77-8 disregard for Law of Expectations, RLV 77-8 doesn’t work, EWB121, EWB165-6, EWB425-7, BWB139-40, BWB169 effect on children, B23Mar11 effects, DC329-30, B15Oct08, RLV 76-7 effects of, RLW19, EWB289, EWB425-7, BWB139-40, B08Apr15 eliminating, DC157, B23May11 evidence of, RLP195, B08Apr15 examples, B18Mar07A, B23May11, B21Sep11, RLP195, RLV 75-6, RLW 68-9, RLW 20910, EWB 121, EWB165-6, EWB287, EWB425-7, BWB139 excuses for, B18Mar07A, B21Sep11, RLP264-5 exhausting, B11Apr12 expectations sign of, B31Dec14 faith better than, B01Feb11 foolishness of, DC208-210, DC257-259, DC279-280, B21Sep11 futility of, DC320, B15Oct08, B11Apr12 getting a code word for, RLWM 51-2 gives us sense of power, RLW49 giving up, B11Apr12 good when consequences of choice unnecessarily damaging to child, RLP263, RLP268 harm of, DC23, DC355, B01Feb11, B21Sep11 how not, B17Dec14 how to identify, B08Apr15 how we do with others, PCSD 98-9 illusion, RLW290 in expectations, DC59 ineffective, RLW121-4 informing versus, B25Mar16 interferes with learning, RLV 76-7 interferes with training of leaders, RLW210-12 justifications for, RLW 210 kills creativity, RLW 292 lack of, see Helplessness leads to loss of choice, RLP262-3 losing as we ask for help, B10Apr09 losing is what we need, B10Apr09 makes people feel unloved, RLW291 makes Real Love impossible, B15Oct08, B21Sep11 makes relationships impossible, RLWM 51, RLWM54 meaning of, RLP107-8, RLP112-3 must stop before running, B10Oct12


need for sense of, PCSD 96-7 none of our business to, EWB408, BWB426 patterns of behavior, B31Dec14 parents’ response to Getting and Protecting Behaviors of children, RLP194-5 perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34 power the reward, DC149-152 questions to assess, RLW250-51 our own behavior difficult without changing our judgments, see Event - Judgment - Feeling – Reaction responding to, B25Mar16 responding to in others, DC196-197, DC223-224, DC308-310, DC360, DC364, DC368-9, DC422-3, DC502, DC505, B23May11, B10Oct12 response to, B06Feb15 response to Getting and Protecting Behaviors in others, RLW249-50 right to as leaders, RLW287-8 see Expectations selfish, RLP265-6 signs of, B08Apr15 solution to, B11Apr12 spouse, DC308-310 standards not, B07Mar12 stopping in others, B06Feb15 telling partner about, B10Oct12 think before, RLW210-12 understanding, DC308-310, DC502 violates the Law of Choice, EWB389, BWB410 vs. requests, see Request, vs. demands vs. setting standards, B07Mar12 vs. teaching, RLP265 waste of time and energy, DC4, B11Apr12 we are always in, of our own happiness, BWB169-70 why, DC156-157, B11Apr12 why we do it, RLP195 with anger, RLW250 with fear, DC424-5 with rules, RLW250-51 Controlled: because we allow it, DC424-5 by fear, DC424-5 by need for approval, DC424-5 really a trading, DC493-4 Controlling others: alone when, RL51-2 bad choice, RL50-60, RL61, RL153, RL219-20 hurts relationships, RL153 people, desire caused by emptiness and fear RLM 45


selfish, RL51, RL72, RL153 Conversations: all about love, B11Nov08 details distracting, DC411-3, B11Nov08 obstacles, B17Oct14 obstacles, eliminating, B17Oct14 subject of, real, DC416-7, B11Nov08 Conversations, interrupted: responding to, DC184-185, B17Oct14 Cookies, RLD12 Coolant leak, B8Jun15 Cooperation, act of love, RLM 101 Core, of who we are, B08Jul15 Correcting: children for the purpose of our own convenience, RLP169-70 consequences and, see Consequences how, RLP170-87 loving more effective than controlling or anger, RLP171 need for, RLP169 negative connotations for, RLW240 never with disappointment or anger, RLP170 purpose of, RLP169 Correcting others: avoiding, DC278, B06Jun08 follows a need to be right, B06Jun08 how to, B15Aug12 opportunities to, B15Aug12 our right to, B15Aug12 rarely welcome, B06Jun08, B15Aug12 Cortez, B31Dec13 Cost, vs. benefit, B09Mar15 Cotton candy tree, B13Jul09 Couch, Ethan, B05Feb16 Countenance: changes in someone who has Real Love, 17Sep12 Cow, back end of, B20Oct14 Co-worker, annoying, DC26 CPR, emotional, DC333-4 Crazy: choosing, B26Dec14 definition, DC489 need for in all of us, B29Jul11 telling truth about, DC489 Creativity: affected by Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 88 encouraged by most successful corporations, RLW 215-16


lies used to kill in others, RLW 68-9 love enhances, B02Oct15 matter of supporting people while making mistakes, RLW 212-15 promoted by Real Love, RLW 3, RLW 23-5 requires mistakes, RLW 213-5 suppressing in others gives us feeling of power, RLW 49 supporting, RLW 215-16 Credit: for not being angry, B05Dec14 Crises: avoiding not the solution, B14May12 avoiding with preparation, B18May11 avoiding with steady supply of Real Love, RLM 77-80 choice, B16Sep09, B18May11 disappear with long perspective, B26May08 prevent with regular Real Love, B07Sep15 prevention vs treatment, EWB273, BWB307 responding to, DC401-2, B26May08, B14May12 vs. preparation, DC95-97 Criticism: avoiding, RLP157 effect of, DC326-7, B23Jan13 effects of, B26Oct16 evidence of not accepting, RL149-51 gives us feeling of power, RLW 49 imitation love from, DC47 message of, RLP157 power from, RL254 responding to, DC220, B21Nov12, RL 254, B25Mar16 sign of not listening, RLWM 135 unnecessary, B16Feb15 Crocodiles, jumping in river with, B20Mar15 Crop yield, B27Jul11 Crying, why, B26Nov14 Cults: can cause complex PTSD, PCSD 204-6 similar to families, PCSD 204-6 Culture: interferes with love, B08Jun12 less important than love, B08Jun12 Curiosity, responding to, RLP256 Customers: angry, responding to, RLW 269-72 angry, victimhood in, RLV 166-7, RLV 284-6 complaints, responding to, DC89-91 effect of Real love on, RLW 20, RLW 24


feel our lack of genuine concern for them, RLW 57 Cutting, self-destructive behavior of, DC231-233 Cynthia, RLP312-5, RLD109-10, EWB139-177, BWB153-4, BWB210-11 Czechoslovakia, and love, EWB13, BWB25 Dam, leaking, B03Jul12 Dan, RLP61-3, RLP78 Danielle, RLP213-6 Dangers we can’t see the ones that get us, B26Jan11 Dating: age, RLP397-8 age difference in, RLP399 and adult children, DC44 asking, examples, RLD142 asking, fear of, RLD139 asking, fear of, eliminating, RLD139-40 asking, how, RLD142 asking for date, RLD139-44 attracting wrong partners with Imitation Love, DC12, B25Jul11 best foot forward in, EWB73-7, BWB 82-4 criteria for finding partner, *DC495-7, B18Jul11, B25Jul11, B09Sep11 criteria for partner different from criteria for unconditional loving, RLD23-4 dangers of, B21Aug15 delaying, DC497 don’t avoid rejection in, EWB 283, BWB317 double, RLD147 drugs and, RLP399 end of date, RLD155 exchanging praise in, EWB75-7, BWB82-4 expectations in, DC134-137 fear of commitment in, RLV 154-7 fears in, RLD83-4 finances of, DC134-137 financial arrangements of, RLD86 find Real Love before you start, RLD69-70 foundation of truth required in, EWB283,EWB 421, BWB317, BWB436 gathering information in, DC135-137, B25Jul11, B09Sep11 goals of, RLD85-6 help from others, B22Oct14 honesty in, DC12 how most of us approach, RLD92 Imitation love in, FSG, DC298, B09Sep11, RLD24-5, RLD92, EWB8991, EWB279, EWB421, BWB435-6 importance of research in, B22Jul16 increasing efficiency of, RLD90-1 Internet, see Internet inter-racial, DC196-197


learning more about, EWB283, EWB421, BWB316-17, BWB436 like job interview, RLD76-8 lying in, EWB 75-7, BWB83-4 moving on to next level, RLD155-6 often, RLD154 partner at work, RLD154 partner with children, RLD154 preparation for, RLD127-9, RLD130-1, RLD140 purpose, for most people, RLD70-1 purpose, healthy, RLD71, RLD76-7, RLD144 purpose of, B25Jul11 purpose to gather information, RLD76-8, RLD95 purposes, RLP397 qualities not to value when, RLD18 qualities to look for, DC226, B18Jul11, B25Jul11, B09Sep11, RLD3, EWB421, BWB437 readiness for, DC497 Real Love book, role in, RLD150-1, RLD186 Real Love in, B22Jul16 repeated attraction of same kind of partner in, RLD24-5 saying no to request for, RLD144, RLD157 second and beyond, RLD156-8 sex in, avoiding, DC495-7, see Sex social pressures of, EWB355-7, BWB385-6 social requirement that we be if single, EWB355-9, BWB385-8 something obviously wrong with way we, EWB283, BWB316 standards for, B18Jul11, B07Mar12 standards not controlling, B07Mar12 steady, RLP398 test for preparation, RLD126 third and beyond, RLD157-8 trading Imitation Love in, DC495-7, RLD24-5 transparent, B22Oct14 truth telling in, RLD 71-89, EWB 283, EWB421, BWB317, BWB436 two unhappy people in, DC163 type, 3 RLP98 used for sex, DC12 victimhood in, RLV 154-62 what to do on first and second dates, RLD144-6 what to talk about, RLD147-8, see Truth telling when, B22Oct14, RLD125-9 when answer is maybe, RLD143 when answer is yes, RLD143 when not to, RLD125-6 where, RLD129-31 who, RLD154 who asks, RLD140-2


without truth telling is worthless, RLD71 working out the details, RLD143 David, 236-7 Dead Sea, BWB308 Deaf or offended, B11Feb13, B26Dec13 Dean, 264 Death: in family responding to, DC158-160 lessons of, DC272-276 nature of, DC307 not cause of unhappiness, B6Oct06B responding to in others, DC272-276 Deborah, PCSD 345-52 Decision(s): joint, how, Principle of Common Ground, B02Jul14 just make, B09Sep16 make first, DC263-264 make in order, DC263-264 make without guilt or obligation, B26Oct12 making after Primary Decisions, RLM 160-65 making based on foundation decision, DC207 paralyzed by, B09Sep16 primary, DC501 step-wise, DC212-213 truth foundation of, DC300 Declaration of Independence, B04Apr14 Defending ourselves, see Protecting ourselves makes feeling love impossible, B3Apr15 Definition(s): form early, B08May15 from childhood, B08May15 importance of, B31Jan13, B30Apr14, B08May15 Deformities, sharing truth about, DC358 Demands: can’t feel loved when making, RLWM 62 characteristics of, RLWM 61 consequences negative, RLM 196, RLWM 62, RLWM 253 dangers of, DC121-123, B13Dec06, B31Jan07B giving in to, DC470-1 make less likely we’ll get what we want, RLWM 62 make Real Love impossible, B13Dec06 no right to make that someone do something FOR you, B01Aug11 other people feel them, RLWM 253 responding to, DC267-269, DC470-1, B18Nov07 right to make that someone stop doing something TO you, B01Aug11 signs of, RLWM 61-2


vs. requests, B13Feb09, RLM 46-9 unhealthy, RLWM 57-8 Denial, futility of, B8Jun15 Denyce, RLD172-3 Dependence: children on parents, B23Apr14 privilege and right, B23Apr14 Depression, RLM 165-66, RLP258-9 affects ability to feel Real Love, RLWM 270 cause of, DC322-3 diagnosis, DC168-169 interaction with lack of Real Love, RLWM 269-70 leading cause of disability, RLW 19 nature of, RLWM 269-70 Real Love and, DC322-3 responding to, DC168-169, DC409 Desert: cotton candy analogy, DC4 dying in: metaphor, illustrating cause of expectations, EWB314, BWB350-1 metaphor, illustrating that love from any source is healing, like water, EWB239-41, BWB275 metaphor, illustrating why we aren’t more loving, EWB319, BWB355 or jungle, a choice, B30Apr14 refusing food in, B15Aug14 screaming in thirst in, while being given water, B21Feb14 Desire to change, see Change, desire to Desires: demonstrated by actions, not words, B26Dec12 demonstrated by our behavior, see Truth, behavior tells first step toward faith, 157-8RLWM Desperation, of Imitation Love, B20Apr15 Dessert, compared to sex, RLD171 Dew, B03Mar14 Detachment: not answer, but long perspective, B26May08 Details: avoid when stating what you will do, RLWM 248-50 distilling to what matters, EWB243-7, EWB249, EWB407, BWB279-81, BWB291 distracting, DC411-3 don’t cause conflicts, BWB282 don’t be distracted by, DC411-3, RLM 115-16, RLW 279-82, RLW 317 don’t get distracted by, RLV 200, RLV 251-2 don’t matter, EWB245, BWB282, BWB442, BWB443-4 focusing on often evidence of need to be right, EWB241, EWB245, EWB431, BWB2756, BWB279, BWB282, BWB292-3, BWB423 focusing on keeps us from addressing what’s important, EWB241


important, BWB241 BWB275-6, BWB434 of wounds don’t matter, RLWM 259-62 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III), PCSD 39, PCSD 55 Diamond: cutting, B31Oct16 pursuit of perfect, B21Dec08 we are, B31Oct16 Diane, RLP290-4, EWB167-9, BWB201 Diapers: RLWM 53 hanging on to old, like guilt, B24Jan11 soiling, metaphor for making mistakes, DC217 Die (death): our right to, DC306-7 Different (differences): accepting, DC218-220, B08Apr11, B29Jul11 isolate us, B08Apr11 need for, B29Jul11 people are, DC218-220, B29Jul11 resolving, RLWM 255-6 resolving easy, RLM 165 vs. conflict, RLM 111 Difficult: choice, B16Sep09 function of us, not the circumstances, B16Sep09 loving with some people, B06Jul16 often good for us, B15Jul11, B05Dec11 Real Love less than everything else, B02Sep08 see Problems times help us identify what we need to work on, B03Feb11 used as code word for afraid, B10Apr09 Difficult experiences, required for learning in life, RLV 186-7 Dignity, perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34 Directions: men and, DC246-251 DIRECTV, commercials, B24Aug12 Disability: of all Getting and Protecting Behaviors, B10Sep12 spiral of, B10Sep12 Disagreement: ways to express, B28Oct16 when, B11Jul16 Disagreements: eliminating, RL234-6 unavoidable, RL234 vs. conflict, RL228, RL234-5 Disappointment:


caused by lifetime of not feeling loved, RL 146 common, RL 146 different than anger only in degree, RL 149, RLW 16, EWB39, BWB50 distinguishes Real Love from conditional, RLM 8, RLV 12-14 effect of, PCSD 75 effect on children, RLP9, RLP10-13, RLP58-64 eliminated with Real Love, RL 179 evidence of expectations, RL 178 evidence of Imitation Love, RL 8, RL 20 evidence of lack of acceptance, RL 146-7 evidence of not feeling loved, RL 139 evidence of selfishness, RLP 9 evidence that we enjoy power over our children, RLP81 evidence that we expect our children to love us, RLP69 evidence that we’re not unconditionally loving our children, RLP9, RLP69, RLP146 examples of, RL 146-7 “I don’t love you” the meaning of, RLV 13 incompatible with Real Love, RLV 13-14 lying about, RL 147-8 manipulating others with, RLWM 54-5 “Me-me-me” the meaning of, RLV 13 natural, RL 146 never express to children, RLP95 normal sometimes, B13Feb09 not always selfish, B13Feb09 responding to, B22May12 see Anger Disapproval selfish, RL146-7, RLWM 21 sensitivity to, PCSD 75 separates Real Love from everything else, B13Feb09, RLD6 sign of Imitation Love, DC47, RLWM 21 signs of, RLWM 54-5 what really means, RLP9 wrong, RL238 Disapproval: reacting to, DC44 Discouragement, avoid when pursuing Real Love, RLM 116 Discouragement, responding to, DC409 Disgusting, notion of is learned, B06Jan12 Disparity between the precipitating events (the action) and their consequences (the reaction), PCSD 89- 91 Disrespect, how we interpret as parents, RLP81-2 Dissociation: compartmentalization and, PCSD 31-6 role in PTSD, PCSD 31-36 Ditch digging story, EWB144, BWB164


Ditches: blocked, how, B30Mar12 dig in rain, B03Feb11 first, B13Jun16 ditches, necessary, B13Jun16 Division of labor, B05Mar14, RLM 213-17 Divorce: after, RLM 312-18 after, with children, RLM 315-18, RLM 304-5 after, without children, RLM 314 anger in, RLM 288-90 begins early, B07Mar14 big decision, RL267 blaming in, 284-88 blended families, RLP405 business, DC165 calm needed in, B07Jan13 causes, B07Mar14, RLM 283-88 child custody, RLM 308-11, RLM 316-17 child support payments in, RLM 311-12 child visitation in, RLM 308-10, RLM312 children, custody in, DC480 children in, DC259, DC418-21, B07Jan13, RLP404-5 co-habitation as prevention of, RLM 292 considerations in, RL196, RL264-7 don’t be in a hurry to, RLM 294 don’t consider until you have Real Love, RLM 174-78, RLM 294 effects of, DC231-233 effects on children, B07Jan13, RLM 302-5 explaining to children, DC418-21, B14Dec12 family events, RLM 318 family rules in, RLM 317-18 freedom from anger and guilt in, RLM 287 friends in, RLM 313 gossip from, B30Dec15 guaranteed early, B07Mar14 guide to, DC163-165 hating not productive, B07Jan13 incidence of, RLD2, RLD22 loving children in, B07Jan13 making decision to, RLM 292-301 never too late to stop, RLM 296-97 not cause of trauma to children, B16Dec12 preventing, RLM 290-92 principles to consider after, EWB297, BWB334 process of, RLM 305-12


property, division of, RLM 307-8 questions to ask before, EWB295, BWB333 reasons for, DC66 responding to, DC65-68, DC257-259, DC418-21 responding to spouse’s decision to, RLM 299-301 separation instead of, RL267-8 see, Leaving Relationships sometimes best decision, RLM 297-99 spouse support (financial) in, RLM 307-8 talking about, RLM 292-99, RLM 301-2 telling children about affair in, B14Dec12 telling children truth about, B14Dec12 telling truth about your responsibility in, RLM 286-87, RLM300-02 trauma of, DC65 trying to stop usually unwise, DC66 understanding, RLM 284-90 what if I had been more loving question, DC418 when car burning, B16Oct15 when to consider, B16Oct15 why, B07Mar14 with children, RLM 315 Doberman Pinschers, B07Feb11 Doctors, waiting in offices of, DC444-5 Dog: barking, RLWM 73 barking metaphor, EWB171, EWB176, BWB203, BWB209 easier to love than people, B24Oct12 experience with, PCSD 69-70 killed, B04Jun14 metaphor, raising children,DC6 training, like training dog, B29Sep14 Dogs, behavior compared to that of children, RLP2, RLP17-19 Dogs: experiment with, B11May16 shocked, B15May15 Dogs fighting, RLV 107-8 Doing vs. talking, B21May12 Donne, John, DC240 Doormat: being is actually not loving, EWB302-3, BWB340-1 examples, DC11, DC25, DC30, RLM 188 Real Love doesn’t make us, EWB121, EWB302-3, BWB340-1 Doubts: laziness of, B18Jun12 Doug, RLP99-102, RLP119-20, RLP121 Douglass, Frederick, PCSD 130


Down’s syndrome, camp with kids having, B13May16 Drainage, metaphor, B30Mar12 Drama: addiction, B13Jul16 alternatives, B13Jul16 definition, B13Jul16 distracting, B04Jun14 examples, B13Jul16 Real Love protects us from, B02Jun14 rewards of, B13Jul16 Driving, criticism of, DC326-30 Driving, bad: message of, DC235 reasons for, DC235 responding to, DC235-239, DC484-6 Drop dead, ways to spell, B28Oct16 Drowning: cause of conflict, DC218-220 can’t be grateful when, metaphor, DC98 compared to feeling unloved, RLWM 7-8 dangers of saving, B02Nov11 discussed, RLD48-50 examples of using, RLD100, RLD203 foolishness of telling drowning people to stop, RLP368, RLW 92-4 Getting and Protecting Behaviors like what we do when drowning, RL15-17, RL29 helping people who are, B19Oct15 helping someone who is, RLWM 10-11, 232 helping someone who is, why, RLWM 11-12 insanity of, DC109 leaders ineffective if they are, RLW 124 longer straw, B08Feb13 man in pool, RLM 31-3, 52 metaphor, B02Nov11 metaphor, application of in real-life situation, RLV 218-19 metaphor for Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLM 31-3, RLM 40, RLM 181, RLP54-6, RLP143, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-34, RLV 58-9, RLW 92-4 metaphor, rest of, B02Nov11 metaphor to understand victimhood, RLV 183-4 must look for, B28May12 not obvious often, B28May12 often quiet, B28May12 one person better than two, B07Nov11 parents can’t help drowning children, RLP93, RLP143 people are when unloving, RLD69 people dangerous, B19Oct15 people do not have the right to demand that you save them, RLV 255


people need helping hand not kisses, RLW268-9 power of seeing partner as, RLM 137, RLM 181 raising children, DC8 Real Love the way out, RLW110, RLW111-12 responding to, DC216-217, B02Nov11 seeing = less fear, DC39 seeing other people as, DC156-157 selfishness of, DC109 signs of, B28May12 somebody has to get out of water, B04Feb13 spouse is when behaving badly, RLM 137, RLM 287 story, rest of, B02Nov11, B08Feb13 symptom of emptiness and fear, DC39 understanding alone won’t keep you from, RLM 52-53, RLM 86 visualization about, RL15-17 we use Getting and Protecting Behaviors when we are, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-4, RLW110 when see people as, can choose to accept them, RLW169, RLW260 when see people as, can choose to love them instead of defending ourselves, PCSD 277-9, PCSD 314-16, RLV 32-4, RLW109-10, RLW268-9 without Real Love we are, RLW116 Drowning man, needs hand, not a kiss, EWB181 Drowning man metaphor: discussed, EWB145-51, EWB185, BWB165-70 , BWB221 examples of using practically, EWB151, EWB173-7, BWB167, BWB172-3, BWB2078, BWB434, BWB449 explains behavior of others, EWB149, EWB185, EWB439, BWB166-70 helps to eliminate anger, EWB145-9, BWB165, BWB168 power of, EWB149, BWB168 Drowning people: Bible verses on, BWB171 need helping hand, not a kiss, BWB215 will always affect us, BWB169 Drug use: as it affects PCSD and treatment, PCSD 295-7 children and, DC333-5 danger of, RLP399-400 responding to, DC355-7 eliminated by Real Love, RLP136-7 example of parents responding to, RLP136-7 example we set, RLP404 preventing, RLP400 stopping is an emergency, RLP401-4 urine testing for, DC334 why children do, RLP136-7, RLP399 Drunk driver: responding to, DC158-160


Drunk drivers, two, RLV 141-2 Drunk driving, RLWM 92, EWB309, BWB 346 Duet, compared to relationship, RLD4, RL170 Dumbo the elephant, B18Oct11 Duty: dangers, B08Jun12 Eagle, believing he’s a chicken, B04Jul11 Earthquakes, effect depends on building strength, B23Nov12, PCSD 106-7 Easier, we want, B25Aug14 Easy, loving with some people, B06Jul16 Eating, choices about, RLP271-2 Eating disorders, RLD12-13 Eating vs. whining, B15Aug14 Edison, Thomas, RLW 215 Editing conversations with children, examples, RLP156 Education: important, but not as much as Real Love, B09Jul08, B14Sep11 in life, B14Sep11, B23Apr14 life, responsibility of parents, B23Apr14 Egg yolk, in meringue, B18Jan13 Eiger, The, B15Jul11 “Eight”, RLM 92-94, RLP157-9 a principle of loving listening, EWB333-7 asking for from others, RLW237-8 definition, RLW 181-6 examples, RLW 181-6, RLW237-8 EJFR, see Event - Judgment - Feeling - Reaction Elaine, PCSD 213-14, EWB291, BWB330 Elderly, care of, B25Nov15 Electric shock: PTSD from, B19Sep12 Electricity metaphor, Electronics: Addiction to, B17Aug11, B01Jan16 Interfering with relationships, B17Aug11, B01Jan16 Use of, B17Aug11, B01Jan16 Electrolyte imbalance, B17Aug12 Electrolytes, maintenance, B07Sep15 Elegance, of solutions, B16Nov16 Elephant, chained by rope, B17Feb12 Elevation, by association, B04May16 Elise, RLP72 Elizabeth, RLP175-7 Ellen, RLP334-8 Embarrassment, cause of, RLWM 192 Emily, RLP236


Emotional and spiritual maintenance, V2 Activities, V2 Emotion: expressing, importance of, B18Nov11 expression, range, B18Nov11 expressions, examples, B18Nov11 keys, B18Nov11 Employee, discontented, responding to, RLV 286-8 Employee turnover: caused by conflict in workplace, RLW 7 cost of, RLW202-3 increased by Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 88 Employee, unappreciated, victimhood in, RLV 167-8 Employees: happy when trusted, RLW 211 need for collaboration, RLW219 need for friendship, RLW219 need for leadership development, RLW 222-4 need for meaning, RLW206-8 need for positive feedback, not praise, RLW46-8, RLW217-18 need for recognition, RLW217-18 need for safety, RLW205-6 need for support with physical resources, RLW 208-9 need to feel trusted, RLW209-16 want adequate compensation, RLW205 want job security, RLW205-6 want to be supported, RLW204-25 want to be taught, RLW202-4 Emptiness and fear: blind us, B25Mar11, cause of conflict, DC218-220 cause of victimhood, RLV 49 caused by lack of Real Love, RLV 72 disappointment proof of, RLV 74 effects of, DC9, DC31, DC54, B25Mar11 evidences of, RLM 192, RLM 223-24 examples of, RLV 71-2 identifying and addressing earlier, B08Jul11, B25Mar11 lack of, DC9 lies a sign of, DC39 make happiness impossible, RLV 73-4, RLV 140 make love impossible, RLV 140 not effective motivation, RLV 74 roses metaphor, RLV 73 selfish, RLV 71-4 wedding vows and, RLV 73


Empty (and emptiness): blind in, EWB149, BWB169, BWB207 can only see people of what they’ll do to or for us when, RL47, RL72-3 caused by lack of Real Love, RL18 cause of Getting and Protecting Behaviors, BWB150 powerful motivation, BWB118 reactions to, RLW 47-8 the “war” of, BWB150 Enabling: harmful, B15Sep14 vs. loving, DC395 Enron failure: Field of Death and, RLW59-60 Imitation Love and, RLW59-60 related to praise addiction, RLW39-40 Entitled: caused by parents, B23Apr14 common, B23Apr14 how it happens, B12Mar14, B23Apr14 paying children to be, B23Apr14 Entitlement, B09Oct15 cause of, B25May16 deadly, B05Feb16 examples, B25May16 spreading, B25May16 Epigenetics: like altering personality traits, B07Jan15 PCSD 47-8 Eric, RLP259, RLP374-5, EWB257-62, BWB290-4 Erica, RLP368-9 Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook, The: multi-media use of, BWB13-15 using, BWB2-19 using by yourself, BWB15-16 using in Real Love group, BWB17-19 using with friend, BWB16-17 Essentials of Real Love Workbook,BWB 1-2 Evaluation(s): 1. Agree on standards of performance, RLW 227-9 2. Agree on actual performance, RLW 229-38 3. Agree on the difference between the standard and actual performances, RLW 238 4. Determine why there’s a difference, RLW 238-9 5. Administer acknowledgment or establish plans for future action, or both, RLW 239-43 6. Follow up, RLW 243-4 7. Discuss and impose consequences, RLW 244 benefits of, RLW 230-31


expectations useful in, RLW 227-8 leaders generally trained poorly for, RLW 226-7 leaders’ general failure to perform well, RLW 229-30 mini-, RLW 247-8 of supervisor, RLW 245-6 process of, RLW 226-45 questions to use in relation to performance, RLW 232-4 scheduling, RLW 245 truth the foundation of, RLW 230-31 types of, RLW 227 Event-Judgment-Feeling-Reaction: difficulty of changing feelings and reactions alone, BWB194-6,BWB 417, BWB432-3 example of use, EWB397-401, BWB196-7, BWB199-200, BWB417, BWB432-3 examples, B14Mar16 explanation of, B20Aug12, RLWM 73-6, PCSD 258-70 illustrating that we must change judgment first, EWB161, EWB165-7, BWB194-6,BWB 433 introduction, EWB161, BWB 193-4 see Judgments Event: controlling alone difficult, BWB198 definition, BWB193 Everest, climbing, B14Mar14 Evidence, of who we are, B16Mar16 Evil: stopping in others, B15Aug12 Ex-partners: responding to, DC285-286 Ex-spouses: responding to, DC149-152, DC353-4, DC457, DC480, B20Apr12 sharing parenting with, B20Apr12 talking about, B20Apr12 Example, power of, B04May16 Exclusive partner, social requirement that we have, EWB355-9, BWB385-8 Excuses: examples, B20Feb12, B28Jan14, B30Jul14 guarantee of future mistakes, RLW 66 identifying, B18Mar16 real meaning of, RLP204-5, RLW66 vs. truth, B30Jul14 worthless, B20Feb12, B28Jan14 Exercise, effect of, RLWM 164-5 Exercises, RL103-11, RLM 28-9, ELM 50-1, RLM 107-9, RLM 169-70, RLM 187, RLM 21819, RLM 238-39, RLM 281-82, RLM 318-20, RLWM 275-86, BWB478 Expectations (expecting): B09Oct15 acceptable ones, B13Feb09, B26Mar12 acceptable with promise, RLM 210-13


anger proof of, RLD101, RLWM 56 avoid from any one person or group of people, DC161, DC502 bad placed on one person, RL71, RLWM 16, RLWM 64, EWB315, BWB 349-50, B28Oct08 burden, RLW105 can be beneficial, BWB351 can’t have for love or happiness, RLWM 56, RLWM 64 cause almost all problems in relationships, B28Oct08 cause anger, RLWM 231, BWB 275 cause conflict, RLP310 cause disappointment and anger, DC30, DC153-155, DC502, B13Dec06, B28Oct08, RLP310, RLW104, RLW293-4, EWB279-81, BWB431 cause of, RLM 41, RLM 46-8, RLD101-2 cause other people to feel unloved, B28Oct08 caused by lack of Real Love, RL132, RL230-1, RLM 47-8, RLM 77, RLP68, RLW292-4 characteristics, B31Dec14 choice, B28Oct08 consequences negative, RLM 196 consequences of, RLW105, RLW292-4 dangers of, DC153-155, DC164-165, DC296-297, DC360, DC363-4, DC502, B28Oct08, B21Mar12 demanding fulfillment of unhealthy, RLWM 57-8, RLWM 231 destroy possibility of love, RLD101 destroy relationships, RL53, RL132-3 destructive, RLM 46-9, EWB279-81, EWB343-4, BWB 275, BWB349 disappointment and anger are signs of, RL53-4, RL230-1, RLM 47-8, RLP310, RLWM 55 disappointment and irritation proof of, BWB351 don’t work, BWB349-50 effects of, DC24, DC99, RLP317-9, RLD58-9, RLD207, EWB313, BWB349-50 eliminated with Real Love, RLM 67-9, BWB351 eliminating, RLD101-2, RLWM 65 eliminating by seeing them, RLP317-9 eliminating gets rid of disappointment and anger, RLM 65-8 eliminating with understanding, RLWM 65, RLWM 244 evidence of, RLM 136 evidence of emptiness, DC449 examples, B28Oct08, RLD195-7, BWB349-50, BWB351 examples, bad, RLWM 56-7, RLWM 58, RLWM 64 examples, good, RLWM 56-7, RLWM 58 examples of, PCSD 98-100, EWB313-4 examples of in workplace, RLW103, RLW292-4 failure to see ours of our children, RLP70-1 foolishness of, B21Mar12 for Imitation Love when we give it ourselves, RL52-3 for love always unproductive, EWB315, BWB 352 for love just don’t work, RLWM 64-5 for people to stop doing things to us, RL232-4


for Real Love all right, but not on one person, RL70-1, RL95, RL177, RL229 form of controlling, RLWM 54-5 good and bad, RL55-6, RL194 gratitude impossible with, RLM 212-13 greater with people closer to us, RLW103 happiness impossible with, RLWM 58 having different than demanding fulfillment of, RLWM 57-8 healthy ones, RL194, RLM 210-12, RLWM 55, RLWM 58, RLWM 253 hidden when getting everything we want, RL232 higher with family, DC153-155, DC161, B21Mar12 how to let go of, DC24, DC360 in contract, RL222 in marriage, RL194, RLM 46-9, RLM 67-9, RLM 171-73, RLWM 56 in workplace, RL222 justifying with emptiness and fear, RL132 law of, RLP309-12, RLD101-2, RLW105, RLW292-4, EWB313-4, BWB 349-51 Law of, exceptions to, RLW 106,RLW 227-8,RLW 292-4 Law of, violated by anger, RLW105, RLW107 law of Expectations, defined, RL53, RLM 46-9 make Real Love impossible, DC153-155, DC389, B13Dec06, B28Oct08, RLD101, RLWM 16, PCSD 99-100, EWB343-4, EWB401-3, BWB 349, BWB373 meanings of, DC134, DC136 natural without Real Love, RL52, RL132, RL190 nature of, EWB313, BWB349 no gratitude in, RLWM 58 not effective motivation, RLW105 of children to love us, RLP68-71 of other people to love us, RLW103-5 poison of, B28Oct08 promises exception to Law of, EWB314, BWB351-3 Real Love with essential, RLWM 59 responding to, DC368-9, DC449 right to, vs. demanding they be filled, RLM 211-12 right to have with promises, RLW292-4 roses metaphor, PCSD 99 ruin happiness, RLP312 see Controlling selfish, RL52-4, RL230-1, EWB313, BWB349 signs of, RLP310 some wrong even with promise, BWB352 teaching children about, RLP310-2 useful in evaluations, RLW227-9 violate Law of Choice, BWB349 vs. hope, RLD96 vs. requests, RL61-2, RL178-9, RL232-4 why we have, RLD59


why we keep using, EWB314, BWB 350-1 without everything a gift, RL182-3 wrong, RLD101 Experience: effects of, B19May14 gives us tools to deal with next difficult situation, B08Feb11 Explanations: not required, DC267-269, B26Oct12 Eye contact, RLM 95 loving act, RLW175 Eyes, open, B30Oct15 Face, demonstrates pain of the past, B22Jan16, B01Jun16 Failure: effects of, DC115 information, DC155, DC162 necessary, B20Dec07C part of creativity, RLW215-16 perspective on, B20Dec07C reasons for employees to experience in their jobs, RLW 202, RLW 224-5, RLW 238-9 response to, B31Dec12 why we think employees experience in their jobs, RLW 202 Fairness (Fair): children’s concept of usually selfish, RLP305, RLP381-3 and justice, DC38, B16Mar11 consequences of not teaching, B14Jan15 defined as what we want, RLWM 71 definition, B14Jan15 demand for brings unhappiness, DC38, B16Mar11 doesn’t make us happy, DC37, B16Mar11 freedom to choose is, RLWM 71 hypocrisy of demanding, B16Mar11, B23Dec11 idea of usually selfish, B23Dec11 insistence on is selfish, DC37, B16Mar11 not important, DC67 not unfair when we’re inconvenienced, RLWM 71 our obsession with inappropriate, RLV 67-8 teaching, B14Jan15 victim’s demands for, RLV 254 victim’s idea of, RLV 59-61 vs. loving, RLP368-9 Fairness Enforcing Device, RLV 67-8 Fairy tales, lies of, B17Oct12 Faith: action, B01Mar12, RLWM 148, RLW 158-9, RLW 298 all have in something, RLWM 153 and love related, BWB266


can’t feel love without, RLWM 153-5, RLWM 269 choice, B01Mar12, RL74, RL78, RL116, RLWM 148, RLWM 150, RLWM 162-3, RLWM 165 complete far more effective than half, B28Jul12 decision, RLM 181, RLM 183, BWB271 definition, DC119, B08Feb12, B01Mar12, RL68, RL77, RLM 72-3, RLM 181, RLP275, RLP279, RLP282-3, RLD54, RLWM 148-9, RLWM 152, RLWM 165, RLV 216, RLW157, RLW 298, EWB225, BWB258-9 demonstrated by our behavior, EWB 229, BWB261-3, BWB264-5 desire first step toward, RLWM 157-8 difference between getting and feeling love, RLWM 15-16 different kinds, RLW157 discomfort part of, BWB260 easier with twenty million, RLM 184 effect of not having, RL73-8 evidence helping create, RLWM 152, RLWM 158-62, RLWM 283-4 examples, B01Mar12, RLM 183, RLWM 147-53 excuses for not, B31Jul15 exercise in, RL79, EWB235, BWB271-2 exercising leads to results that build more faith, RLW297 feeling and fun, B16May16 finding, 156-65 half usually worthless, B28Jul12 in children, RLP117, RLP255, RLP280-2, BWB438 in children, a choice, RLP282-4 in children, demonstrated by gratitude, RLP255 in children, proof that we don’t have, RLP282 in children, rewarding, RLP177 in eventual goals keeps us calm in crisis, B26May08 in false principles, RLP277-8 in foolish things, BWB261-2, BWB266 in Getting and Protecting Behaviors, EWB231-3, BWB261-2, BWB265-6 in God, EWB 235, BWB269-72 in ignorance, B12Jun12 in Imitation Love, RLD 25 in love of wise man, B18Jan12 in loving, RLP117, RLP275-9 in loving easier when we remember that Getting and Protecting Behaviors never work, RLP 277 in our partners (trust earned), RL73-8, EWB233-5, BWB266-8 in partners, that they’re drowning when using Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLM 181 in people (doing their best), RL71-3, EWB233-5, BWB266-8 in people’s ability to learn keeps us from getting upset with their mistakes, B26May08 in people a choice, RLW298 in people as they make mistakes, RLW298 in people easier when we remember they’re drowning, RLW259, RLW296


in people leads to sense of ownership, RLW298 in people we lead, RLW225-6, RLW258-9, RLW297-9 in people, disappointment and anger betray lack, RLW298 in power of loving and teaching, RLW 258-9, RLW296-7 in power of loving and teaching, nothing to lose by exercising, RLW299 in power of loving and teaching easier when remember following, RLW296-7 in Real Love, BWB263-4, BWB266 in something all the time, RLW258 in truth, BWB263-4 in truth (that someone will eventually accept us if we keep telling it), DC14, RL69-71, RL95 in truth telling, RLP117-8, RLP275-9 in what, choosing, is important, B26May08 lack of causes the behaviors we dislike, BWB267 lack of contributes to unhappiness in child, RLP279 lack of understandable, RLP117, RLP279 leap of, B18Jan12, B01Mar12 letting go, B08Feb12 loving contributes to, RLWM 165-6 make a decision to exercise, RLWM 162-3 metaphor of planting seeds, RLD55 miracles possible with, BWB261 necessary to change, RLP117, RLP275, RLP284 necessary to feel Real Love, see Faith, can’t feel love without necessary to growth, RLWM 147-53 necessary to growth, RL68, RL78 not term restricted to religion, RLWM 163 of wise man, RLWM 167 opposite of is fear, RLWM 166 price for happiness, B01Jul15 price for Real Love, B01Jul15 power of, RLM 180-84 required for growth, B08Feb12, B01Mar12, BWB258, BWB260 required for growth and change, RLW157- 60 required to be happy, B08Feb12 required to feel Real Love, B18Jan12, B28Jul12 required for truth telling, RLM 72-3, RLV 216-17, RLW157-60, BWB258 required to find Real Love, DC133, B28Aug07, B31Jan11, B07Feb11, B05Aug11, B26Dec11, B08Feb12, B28Jul12 required to stop controlling people, RLW295-8 rewards of, RLWM 167 rewards of after exercising, RLWM 165 risk less than not having faith, B20Aug14 risk small, RL79-80, RLM 72-3, RLP117-18, RLP284 teaching about, RLWM 163-5 time to see result of, RLP177, RLP199 to be ourselves, DC13


that change is possible, RL69 uncomfortable in the beginning, BWB261 we always have in something, RLP277-8 why difficult in beginning, RLP117 wise man helping create, RLWM 158, RLWM 165-6 wise men help us find, RL80 without, like hole in bottom of bucket, RLWM 156-7 Falling in love: addiction of, RLV 17-19 adding to Real Love, B01Apr15, B22Apr15 based on Imitation Love, DC177-178, DC299-300, B31Oct06, EWB93, BWB101-2 blinding, EWB95, BWB103 choice, B01Apr15, B22Apr15 dangerous, B18Apr12 definition of, RLD17-18 doesn’t last, EWB73-5, BWB81 easy, B18Apr12 effects of, EWB95, BWB103 exchange of Imitation Love, RL33-7, RL149, RL188-9 expectations of, RL33 falling out of love, why, RLM 13-16 form of Imitation Love, PCSD 135-9 founded on Imitation Love and Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL35-7 God’s description of, BWB103-4 illusion, B18Apr12, EWB13-5, illusion of, BWB 435-6 not love, but need, DC33, DC65 pattern of, RL33-5, RLD17-21, EWB95, BWB81 physiology of, BWB103 Real Love in, B09Jan15 response to PCSD, PCSD 135-9 reasons for, DC100-103, B31Oct06 sensible, B31Jul15 social requirement that we do, EWB355-9, BWB385-8 trading of Imitation Love in, RLM 12-16, RLD16-21, RLD24-5, PCSD 139, EWB93, BWB101-2 with bosses, friends, co-workers, EWB93, BWB101-2 Falling out of love: disappointment and anger of, PCSD 141-2 Imitation Love fatigue in, PCSD 140 in many kinds of relationships, PCSD 142-3 loss of enthusiasm in, PCSD 141 perceived inequality in trading of,140-41 why we do, PCSD 139-43 Familiar, trap of, B26Dec14 Families: blended, DC81-83, DC85


difficult to love sometimes, B07Nov11 expectations higher with, DC153-155 place to learn about Real Love, RL212-13 purpose to provide place to feel loved and practice loving, RLP367 separating from sometimes, B07Nov11 unloving, DC257-259 Family: brother who is drug addict, DC57, DC58 expectations, DC74 feeling unappreciated, DC47 Family meetings: content, RLP352-7 examples, RLP 354-6, RLP356-7 feelings and teaching part, RLP356-7 frequency, RLP188 planning and assignments in, RLP353-4, RLP373 purposes, RLP187-8, RLP352, rewards of, RLP357 Farmer planting seeds metaphor, EWB225, BWB259 Farms, collective, RLW298 Fast, happiness, B02May16 Fat: attitude toward learned, B06Jan12 Fault finding: makes us unhappy, B23Jan13 Fear: about future, B30May11 about loss of Real Love, B11Aug14 accustomed to, B21May14 addressing, B05Sep12 addressing early, B03Jul12, B24Sep14 adds up, B16Sep11 affects everything, B31Aug11, B20Jan12, B19Mar12, B23Jul14 afraid to admit, B31Jan09 all worse without Real love, B16Sep11 and shame, B06Jul15 based on lies, B16Jan14a become accustomed to, B21May14 bible references, BWB118, BWB120 blind in, BWB169, BWB207 blinding, DC84, B04Dec06, B27May08, B05Nov08, B08Jun11, B31Aug11, B18Oct11, B20Jan12, B19Mar12, B19Dec13, RLWM 154-5, B30Oct15, B15Jul16 can only see people of what they’ll do to or for us when, RL47, RL72-3 causes all problems, B08Jun11, B31Aug11, B24Sep12, B30Nov12 causes cancer, B24Sep12 causes emotional coma, B18Jan16


causes pain, B05Sep12 choice, B22Jul15 crippling, B10Jun11, B26Oct11, B18Oct11 cumulative, B16Sep11 defining exactly, B18Nov15 demands of, *DC120-123, B23Feb07 denying, RLWM 179-81, RLWM 182 don’t live in, DC400 depends on our perspective, B26May08, B27May08 distorts everything, B27May08, B08Jun11, B31Aug11, B18Oct11, B19Mar12, B26Feb14 distorts our reason, B26Feb14 effect of greater than that of love in short term, RL32-3, EWB107, BWB118 effects of, B23Feb07, B08Jun11, B10Jun11, effects of, RLV 50-3, EWB107, BWB118 eliminating completely, B09Feb15 eliminating early, B24Sep14 eliminating with help, B10Apr09 eliminating with love, B27May08, B10Apr09, B23Feb11, B26Aug11, B19Mar12, B26Mar12, B24Sep12, B23Jul14 eliminating with understanding, B27May08, B10Apr09, B05Sep12 elimination required before doing anything else, B27May08 evidence of, RLWM 177-81 examination of, B04Feb13 examples of, B31Jan09, RLD83-4, EWB107, EWB355-7, BWB 119, BWB385-7 expression of, B23Jul14 fingerprints, B27May15 freedom of from Real Love, B22Jun12 frozen by, B26Mar14 greatest of not being loved, RLWM 182-4 greatest source of pain, B05Sep12 greatest that we won’t be loved, DC41, BWB385 greatest that we won’t be loved, RL102 greatest, of nothing, B27May16 grows, B16Sep11, B19Mar12 harder to admit for men, RLWM 181 hiding, RL91-2 hiding, how we learned to, RLWM 173 impossible to talk to people when they are, B21Nov12 insanity of, *DC122-123, DC400, *B05Sep12 irrational, B05Sep12 lack of leads to creativity, RLW215 leads to Protecting Behaviors, RLV 53 learned, B07Nov16 like mud, B10Jun11 like virus, B27May08, B31Aug11 living in, B26Aug11 love solution to, DC123, DC139-140, B27May08, B23Feb11, B26Aug11, B23Jul14


makes loving impossible, B08Jun11 makes Real Love impossible to feel, RLWM 154, RLWM 267 makes us blind and insane, RLV 53 makes us irrational, B21Nov12, B30Nov12, B04Feb13 making decisions without, B04Feb13 meaning of all, B23Feb07 minimizing, RLWM 182 more memorable than other experiences, RLM 110-11 no, B15Jul15 of disapproval, DC21, DC27, B23Feb07, B26Aug11 of losing love, B26Mar12, B11Aug14 of nothing, B27May16 of our children, RLP67 of spiders, B16Sep11 of what, B04Feb13, B11Aug14 out of control, B16Sep16 pain of, B05Sep12 paralyzing, B19Mar14, B26Mar14 perpetuation of, B19Mar12 physical effects of, RLV 50-1 poison, B23Jul14 power of, RLWM 178, RLV 50-3 powerful motivation, BWB118 prevents us from taking steps to finding Real Love, B26Aug11 prisoners to, B31Jan09, B26Aug11, B26Oct11, B04Feb13, B21May14 reacting to lifetime of, B26Feb14 Real Love solution to, B22Jun12 reactions to, RLW 61-2 reactions to cause more problems, B05Nov08, B26Oct11 replacing, B01Feb16 responding to, DC401-2, B05Nov08, B22Jun12, B23Jul14, responding to in children, RLP256-7 responding to in group meetings, RLWM 166-7 rules relationships, B31Jan09, B04Feb13 rules world, B02Jan08 selfish, B22Jul15 signs of, B06Jan16 solution to, B05Sep12 spread, B04Sep15 spreads like virus, B27May08 starving, B01Feb16 stop early, B24Sep14, B16Sep16 stopping, B24Sep14 subject, unspoken, of many conversations, B19Mar14 telling the truth about, RLWM 177-84


traps us, DC424-5, B23Feb07, B05Nov08, B31Jan09, B08Jun11, B10Jun11, B19Mar12, B04Feb13 truth eliminates, B24Sep14 two greatest about love, EWB169-73, EWB355-9 useless, B13Jul15 words associated with, B19Oct16 words worsen, B19Oct16 worse than actual dangers, B26Oct11, B05Sep12 zero tolerance of, B23Jul14 Feedback: gift, B24Dec14 immediate, B24Dec14 unnecessary, B16Feb15 unwanted, B16Feb15 Feel loved: how, EWB348-51, BWB379-81 third step in eliminating anger, EWB348-51, BWB379-81 Feeling: benefits of, B16May16 faith and fun, B16May16 Feelings: affected by words, B19Oct16 based on lies, B20Aug12 changed by how we see things, RLP128 choice, B08Oct12, B22 Dec12, B08Jul16 difficult to change by willpower alone, BWB194-6 direct words for, RLWM 177-8 helping others to express, B28Jan15 hiding, consequences of, RLWM 173 hiding, how we, RLWM 173-6 hiding, how we learned to, RLWM 171-2 list, PCSD 237-9 minimizing, RLWM 174-6 not caused by other people, RL15-17, RL234, RLM 2-8 observe for, B26Sep14 of others not your responsibility, B13Mar15 others not responsible for ours, B01Sep14 potential problems with discussion, PCSD 239-40 radiating, B15Jan16 responsibility for, B13Mar15 sensitivity to by children, B15Jan16 telling the truth about, RLWM 176-95 we’re not responsible for those of others, B18Nov07, B30Jan14,B17Sep14 words used to hide thinking, B13Aug14 Field of Death: bad business, RLW55-9


Bible reference to, BWB222 conflict only gets worse on, BWB244 dangers of, DC249 defined, RLV 43-6, RLW55 described, DC72 everyone dies on, BWB221, BWB435 examples, DC242, DC249, DC396-9, DC403-4, RLV 44-9 get off by telling the truth, EWB209, BWB222, BWB243-4, BWB244-6 get off with Real Love, BWB222 Getting and Protecting Behaviors and, RLW87, EWB209, BWB221 Imitation Love and, RLW55-9 Imitation Love on, EWB419, BWB221, BWB435 no winners on, EWB207-9, EWB211, BWB221 productivity and profitability impaired on, RLW58-9 stay off, DC161, DC396-9, DC403-4, RLV 236-8, RLV 275-6, RLV 284-5, RLV 288, RLW270-71 taking people off , RLW272-4 Field of Life: defined, RLV 43-6 examples, DC243-244, RLW 60 happiness on, EWB419, BWB435 no conflict on, EWB209, BWB222, BWB243-4 people have innate desire to be on, BWB246-7 ruled by Real Love, EWB207-9, BWB222 Fighting, see Conflict Fighting, truth, painful, B31Aug16 Figures, insignificant, B07Aug15 Finding spouse, evidence of Real Love, RLM 102-3 Find-trust-remember-share, B05Nov14 Fine: going beyond, B28Jan15 meaning, PCSD 193-4 Fingerprints, emotional, B27May15 Fire: building, B05Aug15 emotional, B12Sep16 forest, B12Sep16 forest behind us, B31Jul15 grass, B12Sep16 ingredients, B12Sep16 metaphor for growth of Real Love, B28Nov06 metaphor for our need for each other, B28Nov06 plane on, B20Aug14 put out before learning cause, B25Sep15 throwing gas on, DC282 Firebreak, B12Sep16


Firemen, DC401-2 Firing employees: cost of, RLW 202-3 cost of not, RLW 308 criteria for, RLW 308-9 how to do, DC86 leaders fear, RLW 307-8 mistake on part of leader, RLW 309 preventing, DC214 quickly, RLW 309 release to be more productive elsewhere, RLW 309 First Break All the Rules, RLW 142 Fish, water essential to, like Real Love to us, B08Jun11 Fitting in, B29Aug14 Five steps to eliminating anger, RLP91-2, RLW 110-12 Five W’s, see W’s, the Five Fix rather than build, DC2 Flaws: denial the problem, B11May15 easier to remove while small, B27Jun16 identified best in difficult times, B03Feb11 identify early before they break us, B20Jun11 not who we really are, B05Aug16 of others mean nothing if they love us, B11Jul12 Flirting: in dating, RLD178-9 infidelity of, DC4, RL197-9 meaning, B20Nov15 response to, DC4, B20Nov15 Florence Foster Jenkins, B11May15 Flow, love, B03Oct16 Flower, don’t pick, metaphor of, B13Dec06 Flower, dying, RLWM 109-10 Flowers, buying, B22Jul16 Foam, B21Mar11 Follow up, RLW 243-4, RLW 302 Forbidding: examples, RLP285-6 necessary on occasion, RLP285-7 Ford Motor Company, RLW 203 Fool’s gold metaphor, DC60, RLD95-6 Forgiveness: Aramaic meaning of word, BWB175-6 arrogant, B13Jan16 commandment to, BWB171, BWB174-5, BWB179 effect of, EWB343, BWB 372-3


element of loving, DC40 evidence of Real Love, RLM 103 examples, B6Oct06B, B14Mar11, PCSD 297-8, PCSD 314-16 exercise in, EWB435-7, BWB445-6 how to accomplish, DC92-94, B14Mar11, EWB343, EWB435-7, BWB372-3, BWB445-6 in infidelity, B14Mar11 intentional injury must be perceived before we talk about, DC92 loving better, B05Nov14, B13Jan16 not enough, B13Jan16 partial achieved with change in perception, DC92-93 power of, B6Oct06B, B14Mar11 qualities of genuine, B13Jan16 understanding leads to, B14Mar11 Foundation: build for eternal life, BWB169 of lives is Real Love, see Real Love, foundation of marriage, see Marriage, foundation of relationships, see Relationships, foundation of truth required in relationships, BWB317 we all build our own, BWB 220 Foundation of house, like Real Love, RL14, RLP 21, RLD1-2, RLD7, RLD12, RLD109-10 Foundation of house compared to truth as foundation of our lives, RLW 140-41, EWB275 Four steps, B05Nov14 Fram oil filter, DC95 Frank, RLP83-4 Frankl, Victor, RLWM 85 Fred, RLP201-4 Frederick, Holy Roman Emperor, RLW 173 Free will: limited, B17Nov14 Free-range chickens, B27Apr15 Freedom: choice, B06May16 examples, B08Sep14 from effects of childhood, B04Apr14 from pain, shame, B06May16 from Real Love, B22Jun12 produces happiness, B08Sep14 results from understanding Imitation Love, RLD25-6 to give up pain and shame, B06May16 Freshman, always, B15Apr15 Friends and friendship: based on honesty, DC63 conditional worthless, RLP317-9 courage involved in, B09Apr12 different levels of, B26Oct12


effort of, B09Apr12 joking rudely, how to handle DC64 Frog, singing, B12Jun15 Frogs, noise of, B21May14 Frown, meaning of, RLP108 Frowny face button, B06Feb12 Fun: end result of life, B16May16 faith and feeling, B16May16 goal of life, B15Oct14 nature of, B15Oct14 not lost with Real Love, B15Oct14 the goal, not winning, B23Jan08 vs. Imitation Love, B15Oct14 Future: illusion of, B04Jan13 plan for while enjoying present, B20May16 Gandhi, RL158, RLV 202 Garage, story of cleaning, RL57-8 Garbage: our Imitation Love and Getting and Protecting Behaviors like, RLWM 113-14, RLWM 272 story about carrying, RLWM 113-14 Garden: building, B03Aug16 destroying, B03Aug16 Gardening novice metaphor, raising children, DC8 Gary RLP338-9 Gas, like love, B18Apr16 Gas gauge, B25Mar11 Gasoline, throwing on fire, DC282 Gays, responding to, DC442-3, B28Nov12 Gene, RLP75-6 General Motors, RLW 3 Generations, required to learn some things, B29Oct12 Genetics, role of in behavior, RLWM 83-4, PCSD 47-8, PCSD 69, PCSD 306 George, RLP61-3, RLP78 Gerald, RLP304-9 Germs, good, B06Apr11 “Get over it,” past, can’t, RLWM 258 Getting and Protecting Behaviors: addressing early, B03Jul12 against the ways of God, BWB150-1 all poisonous, BWB159 alone with, RLWM 79 as we lose, we become reborn,BWB190-1 avoid all, BWB131


avoid in every interaction with children, RLP160 avoiding, B12Dec 11 become comfortable with them,BWB189 Biblical description of, BWB150, BWB154,BWB157,BWB 300-2 blind to, B04Nov11 brief effect of,RL28 burden we carry, B02Dec15 can’t feel Real Love when using, 24-5, RLV 30-1 can’t stop those of others, BWB169 cause loneliness, RL44-6 cause more Getting and Protecting Behaviors, *DC24, DC26, DC39, DC81-83, DC120-123, B22Jul11, B23Mar12, B24Aug12, B06Oct14, RLP126, RLP194, RLD43-4, RLW 101, RLW 249-51, RLW 267, EWB139-41, EWB141-43, BWB153-4, BWB405-6 cause more getting and protecting from others, PCSD 170-71, RLV 53 cause the emptiness and pain they’re designed to avoid, RLV 30-1, RLW 100-101 cause the feelings we’re trying to avoid, BWB156 caused by emptiness and fear, B04Jun07, B13Feb09 RL24, RL71-2, RLM 30-1, RLV 19, RLV 53 caused by lack of Real Love for lifetime,, RL24, RL71-2, RLM 16-17, RLM 30-1, PCSD 17-18, PCSD 85-6, PCSD 146-68, PCSD 258-9, PCSD 277-9, RLV 19 causes PCSD, PCSD 170-71 children’s use of, DC8 choice, RLP89-90, RLW 108-9 choosing, PCSD 174-7, B23Feb15 combinations, DC71 common, RLWM 197-200 communicate our pain, B21May08 comparing severity of, DC384 competition of, RLV 46-9 confusion, B07Aug 12 conflicts only worse with, BWB244 consequences of, RLP52-3, RLV 29-31, RLW 85-8 contrasted with the fruits of the Spirit, BWB157 costs of, RL28-9, RL44-6 cotton candy and, B13Jul09 cycle of, PCSD 171-3 decrease profits, RLW 99, RLW 102 defined, RLM 16-23, RLD27-8 destructive to you, RLM 24-5 destructive to your partner, RLM 23-4 distract us from finding Real Love, RL111-12 don’t see because accustomed to, B04Nov11 drive other people away, BWB 156 drive out Real Love, B27May11 earning Imitation Love with, RLWM 155 effect, RLM 23-5


effect greater short-term than love, RL32-3 effect on relationships, RLD44 effects in workplace, RLW 85-8, RLW 98-102 effects of, PCSD 169-70, PCSD 170-73 effects on various relationships in workplace, RLW 87 effects, negative, RLD43-4, EWB141-43, EWB385, BWB 150-1, BWB154-5,BWB15760, BWB300-2 eliminating by making a choice, RLP90, RLP122-3 eliminating by seeing others clearly, RLP89, RLV 32-4, RLW 92-4 eliminating by understanding drowning metaphor, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-4 eliminating by understanding Getting and Protecting Behaviors, PCSD 277-9, RLV 32-4, RLW 92-4 eliminating completely, B09Feb15 eliminating diligently important, B06Jun14 eliminating with Real Love, DC380, RL112, RL117-20, RL210, RLM 52-3, RLP90, RLP93, RLP97-8, RLP120, RLD45-50, RLWM 203, RLWM 226, PCSD 271-2, RLV 35-6, RLV 87-90, RLW 110, RLW 111-12, RLW 138-40, EWB153-5, EWB185-7, EWB301, BWB 169-70, BWB184-5, BWB186, BWB221 eliminating with Real Love, examples, EWB301, EWB291-2, BWB210-11 eliminating with seeing clearly, RL15-17, RL117-20, RL218-19 eliminating with synergism of choice and Real Love, RLP122-3 eliminating with understanding, RLM 31-9, RLD45-50, EWB145, EWB184, BWB170, BWB219 eliminating with understanding, see Getting and Protecting Behaviors, understanding evidence of not having Real Love, RLP 97 evidence of unhappiness, RLP 38 evidence that love is not Real, RL47 evidence that we have not been sufficiently loved, RLW 118 examples, DC39, B04Jun07, RL31-2, RL35-6, RL44-5, RL75, RL81, RL113, RL232-4, RLP 51, RLWM 197-200, PCSD 146-68, RLV 46-9, BWB 145-6, BWB1478, BWB152, BWB253-4 examples of in Bible, BWB28, BWB99 examples of mixed forms, EWB131-5,EWB 217-23 exchange of, RLD 44, RLW 83-7, BWB145-8,BWB153-4 exchanging, DC71, DC72, DC392, RLP 194 explain the “bad” behaviors people use, RLM 31-33, RLM 40, RLM 181 Field of Death and, RLV 45-6, RLW 87 founded on victimhood, RLV 86-94 frequency of, PCSD 364-5 frustration of, BWB150-1 futility of, B08Feb13, RLV 44-5 giving up, RL111-16, giving up, rewards for, BWB309 giving up a choice, RLP119-20, RLW 160-62 giving up allows us to realize who we really are, BWB189-91 giving up and being reborn, BWB189-91


giving up can be hard, EWB153-5 God’s views on, BWB154-5 greatest destructive force in business, RLW 88,RLW 99-102 greatest obstacles in our interactions and relationships, RLV 29-30, RLW 86-7 how we respond to without enough Real Love, RLW 249-51 helping children see in others, RLP213-4, RLP300-1 identify early, B28Nov16 identifying in conflict resolution, RLWM 238-9 “I don’t love you” the message of, DC384, RLV 29, RLW 85-6, EWB135-7, EWB141-3, BWB151-2, BWB279 “I need to be loved” the message of, EWB137-9, BWB153-4 insanity, temporary, RLM 137 introduction to, RLW 61-2 irony of using, DC336, RLD43, RLV 30-31, RLW 101-2, BWB156 lack of Real Love not an excuse for, RL39-40 learned in childhood, RL31-2, RLV 98-100, EWB129-31 learned by parent’s example, DC8 learning, DC379, DC383 listed, RLP38, PCSD 146-68 longer straw from, B08Feb13 lose need for with Real Love, DC320, DC380, RL112, RL117, RLW 138-40 lost in, B07Aug 12 loud compared to Real Love, B27May11 make children feel unloved, RLP210-11 make feeling Real Love impossible, BWB74, BWB124, BWB142 make feeling things of the Spirit impossible, BWB229-30 make Real Love impossible,DC4, B13Dec06, B06Jun14, RL28-9, RL44-6, RL51-2, RL113-4, RL177, RLP52, RLD33-5, RLD43-4, RLWM 154-6, RLWM 176, RLWM 267, PCSD 170-71, RLV 53, RLW 85-8, RLW160-62, EWB65-7, EWB111, EWB125, make us feel good, like cotton candy, B13Jul09 meaning of, “I don’t love you and “Please love me,” RLP194 messages of, two, PCSD 169-70 metaphors for, EWB383-5 more difficult than Real Love, B08Sep07, B05Feb08 more work than truth telling, BWB 260-1 moving from one to another, RLV 92-3, RLV 97-100 must eliminate roots before they disappear, RL39 must identify, or we’re doomed to repeat, BWB96 natural, B10Dec07 need only to see them and tell truth about them, EWB144 negative consequences of, RLV 29-30 no criticism of, BWB163 obstacle to feeling loved, RLP119-20 only choices we can see without Real Love, BWB187 pattern of, typical, RLW 85-6


patterns in ones we use, EWB127-9, BWB145-6 patterns of, RLV 97-100 parents use with children, RLP85-9 power from understanding, RLD44, RLD45-50 preventing, RLP240-55 protection of, B20Mar15 proving the failure of, RL44-6 reaction to emptiness and fear, RLP38, BWB 189-91 reactions to lack of Real Love, RLWM 197 reactions to past events, RLWM 72-6 reaction to lifetime of insufficient Real Love, not specific action by partner, RLM 23-4 reasons we use,DC4, RL27-9 re-birth is giving up, BWB 189-91 respond to with controlling or avoidance, RLW 250-52 respond to with Getting and Protecting Behaviors of our own if we’re empty, RLW 249-51 responding to, DC39, B04Jun07 responding to correctly, RLP196-255 responding to incorrectly with more Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP193-4 responding to, many tools for, B08Feb11 responding to with Real Love, RLW 251-3 response to, B20Mar15 response to lifetime of influences, not to event in the moment, RLD204, EWB383-5 response to emptiness and fear, RLV 53 rewards of, PCSD 168 seduction of, B07Aug 12 self-control and, see Self-control selfish, RLWM 238-9 selfishness of, RLV 29-30, RLW 85-8, EWB135-7, BWB151-2 sequence of, typical, RLW 85-6 signs of fear, DC39 sins, BWB159-61 some must stop before others, B10Oct12 sprout like weeds, B10Dec07, B13Jul09, B06Jun14 superficial solutions to pain, PCSD 167 test for in yourself, RLW 94-5 trading, effect of RLM 62-4 trap us, B22Jul11, B12Dec 11 taught, RLWM 171-3 treat symptoms, not real problem, RL111-12 two messages in, EWB137-9, EWB386, BWB 153-4, BWB406 unconscious, DC379 unconscious mostly, RLW 109-10 understanding can eliminate fear, RL29-30 understanding gives us ability to avoid repeating them, RLW 92 understanding gives us ability to eliminate them, RLW 92-4 understanding gives us ability to understand almost all human behavior, RLW 89-91


understanding gives us ability to understand great leadership, RLW 94-6 understanding gives us ability to understand interactions and relationships, RLW 89-91 understanding gives us ability to understand why people unhappy at work, RLW 91-2 understanding gives us power, EWB131-7, BWB172-3 understanding gives us power to change them, EWB143-51, EWB175, BWB1479, BWB156, BWB163-4, BWB181 understanding gives us power to understand others, EWB131-7, EWB175, BWB147-51 understanding gives us power to understand relationships, EWB135-7, BWB1479,BWB151-2, BWB153-5, BWB172-3 understanding, not criticizing, DC39 understanding not enough when we’re drowning ourselves, EWB184, BWB 16970, BWB209,BWB 219-20 understanding of changes the way we feel toward people, RLM 31-6 understanding eliminates anger, RLM 31-6, RLM 181 understanding eliminates frustration of trying to change others, RLM 40-5 understanding eliminates guilt, RLM 39-40 understanding eliminates mystery of human behavior, RLM 30-31 understanding helps us identify what we need to change about ourselves, RLM 45-6 understanding, power of, RLP 54-6, PCSD 173, RLW 88-96 understanding that sins are gives us power, BWB160-1 understanding that sins are gives us power to understand why God has given commandments,BWB161-3 understanding that sins are gives us power to respond productively to the sins of others that affect us, BWB171-8 understanding that sins are gives us power to understand repentance better, BWB182-5 use because they work, RLWM 173 use the ones we learned, RLWM 173 use to avoid disappointment and anger, RL24-5 used to communicate our pain instead of words, B21May08 violate the Laws of Happiness, BWB343 we become comfortable with them,BWB189 we resist people pointing them out to us, B26Nov07 why we keep using, RL27-30, RL68, RLM 26-8, RLD43 why children choose one over another, RLP53-4 without, realizing who we really are, EWB153-5 without, we can realize who we really are, BWB 189-91 work required to eliminate, B10Dec07, B06Oct14 wrong, RLM 25-6 Getting what you want: together with your partner, RLWM 239-43 Gift: choice, not result of pressure, RLWM 245 conditional, DC205, B27Oct06 freely given, DC410 look for, B14Jan14 only if freely given, RLWM 69


re-creating, DC245 real, DC244-245 real, ruining, DC245 unconditional, DC410, B22May12 vs. trading, RLWM 69, RLWM 245 Gifts: losing, B15Jul16 obligation and, RL186-7 ours make us unique, B15Jul16 true, possible in absence of expectations, RL182-3 using, B15Jul16 Girard, Joe, RLW 20 Giving up, RLWM 168-9, RLWM 273 Glaciers, effects of, B26Jun15 Glass, broken, B28Dec11 Glenn, RLP231-2 Gliders, and Imitation Love, B15Jun15 Glow worms, B05Aug12 Go away, love does not, B11Sep15 Goals: achieving requires changing who we actually are, *B20Dec07B examples of reasonable, B20Dec07B properly set for myself not others, B18Dec15 wrong ones make us miserable, B29Apr08 God: anger of, BWB134-6 faith in, BWB 269-72 father, ours, BWB 161, BWB 269-71 father word associated with, BWB 4, BWB 161 goal to train us, B29Apr15 goals for us, BWB 161-3 infinite source of love, B11Nov16 is love, BWB 109 knowledge of important, B22Aug16 Law of Choice and, BWB 319-24 love by loving one another, BWB 320, BWB 373-5 love of, can’t feel while we’re trying to earn Imitation Love, BWB 74-5, BWB 271 love of, compared to living waters, BWB 4-5 love of, compared to ocean of water, BWB 4 love of, feel better when we keep His commandments, BWB 271 love of, feel better when we tell the truth about ourselves, BWB 271 love of, feeling easier when we have felt love of other people, BWB 4-5, BWB 272, BWB 380 love of, fruit of Spirit, BWB 229-30 love of, greater than that which we have for our children, BWB 161, BWB 270-1 love of, how we can feel better, BWB 269-72


love of, remembering can eliminate our anger, BWB 379-81 love of, vast, BWB 271, BWB 380-1 love word associated with, BWB 3-4 loving Him, BWB 373-5 loving Him, how, BWB 320, BWB 374-5 need for in order to grow, B11Nov16 perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34-5 primary purpose our happiness, BWB 320-1 punishment of, see consequences, God’s purpose of Real Love to bring people to, BWB 3, RL225-6 test to know Him, BWB 272 trains us rather than giving comfort, B29Apr15 why He allows affliction, tragedy, the like, BWB 319-24, BWB 324-5 why limited discussion about in most Real Love material, BWB 2-3 why people often have difficult relationship with, BWB 3-4 God’s rest, BWB231 God’s way, easier than man’s way, BWB230-1 Gold mine, RLD111 Golf swing, learning compared to learning to love, DC378-380 Good: happiness, B02May16 innate tendency to do, DC329 Google, RLW 215 Goose, picking up, B18Apr11 Gordian Knot, B07May07 Gossip: cause of, DC39, DC203 controlling, B30Dec15 forbidding not a reasonable goal, RLW 262-3 form of attacking, RLW262-3 increased with conflict, RLW 7 like tar, B30Dec15 power from, RLW 48 responding to, DC39-40, DC55-6, DC203-204, DC257-259, DC450-2 talking to object of, RLW 263 talking to originator of, RLW263-5 GPS navigation device: metaphor of, B21Nov06A, RLW214 useless if destination input wrong, B04Mar11 Grades: examples of responding to poorly, RLP113, RLP142-3 examples of responding to wisely, RLP144, RLP247 inflated, entitlement a cause, B25May16 Grand Canyon, PCSD 9-11 Grandchildren: grandparents relationship to, RLP413-4


needs of, RLP413-4 Grandin, Temple, B29Jul11, B16Sep16 Grandpa, my, B05May14 Grandparents: giving advice to parents, DC487-8 loving and teaching others, DC487-8 Grant, RLP385-6, PCSD 363-4 Grasses, planting, B10Jul15 Gratitude: blessings of, B14Jan08, B25Feb11, B03Sep14 can’t be forced, B25Feb11 can’t be when drowning, metaphor, DC98 can’t teach by ordering it, RLP79-81, RLP249 children need, but for their benefit not ours, RLP68, RLP79-81 choice, RL134 creates happiness, B14Jan08, B25Feb11, B02Jan12 definition, B25Feb11, B23Jan13, RLM 81-3, RLM 184, RLP80 don’t expect, DC54, DC31-32, DC410 dose of, B04Feb14 effects, B23Jan13, B03Sep14 eliminates expectations, RLM 82 evidence of expecting it from others, RLP80 examples, B14Jan08, B25Feb11, RLP249-51 expectations destroy, RLM 212-13 expectations of, *DC296-7 expressing, B02Jan12, B23Jan15 feel more loved with, RLP80 for, not to, RLP79-81, RLP249, RLWM 58-9 for vs. to, RL135, RLM 213 for our own growth, RL134 for the right steps taken by our children, RLP255, RLP283-4 form of praise, RLWM25-6 happiness from, B25Feb11, B23Jan13, RLWM 58-9 impossible when parents indulge children, B25Feb11 impossible when victim, B04Feb14 impossible without enough Real Love, *DC98-99 lack of due to expectations, 132 lack of destructive, 132-3, RLM 184 learning, DC99, B25Feb11, B02Jan12 magnifies effect of Real Love, 131-4, RLM 81-2, RLM 184 need it from others when we don’t feel loved, DC99 parents expect from children, RLP68, RLP79 parents receive as praise from children, RLP35-6 obligation to be, B23Jan15 often form of praise, BWB85 real not required, RLP79-81


responding to in healthy way, RLWM 26 result of feeling loved, RLP249-50 see Ingratitude taught, B25Feb11 teaching, RLP251 teaching by example, RLP252 teaching by loving, RLP81 used as form of Imitation Love, RL19-20 Gravity: doesn’t pick on you, B04Jun12 emotional, B27Jul16 need for, B12Nov12 never sleeps, B27Jul16 relentless, B27Jul16 Gray, shades of, B13May11 Greatest Treasure, DC3 Greed, cost, B16May14 Greek chorus, B12Oct16 Green, color results from blue and yellow, RL49, B30Sep15 Greg, life story, RLxi-xiii, EWB361-7 Grief: causes of, B18Jun14 disappears with perspective, B26May08 don’t “fix” in others, DC240 eternal perspective solution for, B18Jun14 gratitude solution for, B18Jun14 guilt in, B18Jun14 loss of Imitation Love in, B18Jun14 natural, B18Jun14 nature of, DC240 Real Love solution for, DC240, B18Jun14 responding to, DC158-160, DC240, B26May08, B18Jun14 selfishness of, DC240, B18Jun14 victimhood in, B18Jun14 Group Meetings: age of those attending, RLWM 37 books, Real Love and The Wise Man in, RLWM 39 check-in, RLWM 41 check-out, RLWM 44 confidentiality, RLWM 39 exercises for, RLWM 275-86 fear in, responding to, RLWM 166-7 guidelines, B04Mar15 how many people in, RLWM 35-6 how often, RLWM 36 interactions between, RLWM 283-4


leading, RLWM 40, RLWM 43 length of, RLWM 36-7 monopolizing, RLWM 43 open, closed, RLWM 34-5 Rules of Seeing in, RLWM 129-31 socializing in, RLWM 44 telling truth about other members in, RLWM 42-3 telling truth in, RLWM 41-3 who comes, RLWM 33-4 purpose, RLWM 32, RLWM 37-9 talking about members not in attendance, RLWM 131 ups and downs of, RLWM 47-8 sympathy in, RLWM 38 where meet, RLWM 36 Groups, Real Love: contact with, frequent needed, RLWM 45-6, BWB305-6 definition, RLWM 31-2, RL95, RL104, EWB271-2 extended family, RLWM 45 forming, RLWM 31, RLWM 47 guidelines, B04Mar15 responding to difficult people in, B06Dec12 Growth: difficult, B07Nov06, B02Sep08, B25Aug14 effort required, B04Apr16 failure required, B20Dec07C foundation must be right, B10Dec08, B25Aug14 from sharing Real Love, B21May12 generations required for some, B29Oct12 gradual, B07Nov06, B10Dec08, B14Dec11, B29Oct12, B14Nov12, B02Jan14a, B07Apr14, B27Jun14, B04Jul14, B25Aug14, B27Feb15 half-measures useless, B04Apr16 help needed for, B19Feb07, B16Mar12 like balsamic vinegar, B02Jan14a measuring, B04Mar16 one step at a time, B04Jul14 painful, B16Mar12, B03Dec14 requires effort, like climbing mountain, B02Sep08, B15Jul11 requires effort, like splitting wood, B25May11 requires effort, like weight lifting, B05Feb08 requires starting over, B15Apr15 responsibility for, B18Jun12 speed not important, B27Feb15 Guarantee: none in relationships, B28Mar14 Guidance, accepting, B12Dec 11 Guide, let love be your, B01Jun15


Guide dog, training, B17Mar14 Guides, in life, B17Feb16 Guilt: PCSD 160-62, PCSD 298-300, PCSD 317-18 about past, B30May11 disappears when we correctly identify our responsibility, B18Nov07 disregards the atonement of Christ, BWB180-1 eliminated when understand that Getting and Protecting and need for RL, RL29-30, RLM 3940, RLP145, EWB151, BWB137 eliminating with an understanding of the Law of choice, RLV 191-2 eliminating with seeing real responsibility for our choices, RLWM 99 eliminating with understanding of our innate shortcomings, BWB137, BWB178-9 excessive unnecessary, even harmful, RL82, RL142, RL161 excessive unproductive, EWB151, BWB164, BWB179-81 Godly kind, BWB180 good only to motivate seeing and change, RLWM 93 hanging on to foolish, B24Jan11, B26Jun12 misplaced, B26Jun12 no need for parents to feel, RLP95-8, RLP100-101, RLP129 not as useful as learning from our own mistakes, EWB151-2, EWB262, BWB164, BWB1789, BWB294 not good motivation, DC360 old diapers and, B24Jan11 responding to people who demonstrate excessive, RLV 294-5 useful only to motivate seeing and change, RL142 useless and harmful, RLP95-6, RLP145, RLP188, RLW116-18, RLW133 using as motivation for children, RLP186-7 vs. shame, RLWM 93, B31Aug15 Gun, pull on ant, B17Jun15 Guns: not problem in violence, B16Dec12 Habits: break old and forming new, B03Aug15 changing difficult, B08Aug14 learning new, DC378-80 Hair on fire, PCSD 315-17 Hair, responding to, RLP389-90 Half measures: insufficient, DC349-351, B26Nov07, B20Jan11, B25May11, B28Jul12, B06Aug14 not enough to produce fullness of joy, BWB22 useless, B04Apr16 worthless, RLM 174 Hammer, sometimes necessary in helping people see truth, B26Nov07 Hammering nail, metaphor of, RLD3 Handicapped people and victimhood, RLV169-170 Hang gliders, B15Jun15


Happiness: but not yet, B08Aug14 choice, *DC427-9, DC461-3, B16Sep09, B29Aug11, B02May12, B08Aug14, B08Sep14, B10Oct14, RLV147-8, RLV185-7, B29June15, B30Sep16 comes from Real Love, RLP245, RLV144, RLW 9-11, RLW 18-20 commitment to, B26Feb16 controlled by our own choices, EWB307-9, BWB343-4 definition, DC176, DC381-2, RL5, RLM 4, RLP25, RLP245, RLV11, RLV144, RLW 11, EWB425, EWB433, BWB439 definition important, B31Jan13 delaying, B08Aug14 fast, cheap, and good, B02May16 freedom and, B08Sep14 from Real Love, DC3 from being loved, loving, and responsible, BWB340, 439 genuine when persists in face of difficulties, DC176 goal of life, RLP25, RLP296, RLV11, RLV144, RLV148, RLW9, RLW11, RLW106, RLW318 God’s invitation to, BWB24 governed by laws, EWB305-7, BWB22, BWB343-4 how, B22Sep14, B20May15 impossible with lies, B23May16 includes responsibility, DC19 laws of, RLP163, RLW200-201, EWB307-9, BWB115, BWB343-4, BWB345-6, B28Mar12, B05Sep16 see Laws of Happiness leads to increased profits and productivity, RLW28, RLW 31 losing, B20Jun16 love needed for, BWB36-7, BWB321 maintaining, B23Sep16 maintenance required, B02Mar16 measuring, B02Mar15 measuring, instead of unhappiness, B29Aug11 natural result of loving, B19Nov14 not entertainment, RLP245 not getting what we want, RLP245 not pain relief, B05Oct12 not just comfort, DC19 not responsible for others’, B30Jan14 obstacles to, removing, B30Mar12 path to, our belief in demonstrated by our behavior not our words, RLW10 preparation for, B23Dec15 price of, DC179-181, B08Sep07, B30Mar12, BWB22, B22May15 purpose of life, DC427, DC459-63 reasons for, B10Oct14 remembering, B23Sep16


result of loving, B19Nov14 rules of, B08Sep07, B02Sep08, B22Sep14, B10Oct14 settling for less than we could have, B30Apr07 signs that we’re not, EWB15-17, BWB27-9 telling truth about, RLWM 194-5 three elements of, B22Sep14 training for, DC461-3 truth needed for, B23May16 two-fold approach, B22Jul15 what it’s not, EWB19-21, EWB103, BWB32-5, BWB114-15, BWB321 what we believe will give us, RLW10 why, B10Oct14 why people settle for less, B30Apr07 Harlow, Harry, PCSD 72 Harris, Joel Chandler, RLV244-5 Harvest, Law of, B25Nov09, B25Aug14, RLP163, EWB305-7, BWB343 “Have to,” I, B24Nov11 Hatzfeld, Jean, RLV173 Hawthorne experiment, RLW20 Heather, RLP172-3 Healing: gradual, B14Nov12 pain of, B14Sep16 through the pain, not by avoiding it, B04Apr11 Health: effects from anger and stress, RLW102 love’s effect on, EWB23, BWB36-7 our right to make decisions about, DC306-7 problems related to lack of Real Love, RLW38 Real Love and, B19Mar14 vs. happiness, DC306-7 Heart: follow or not, B16Mar15 sum of all our knowledge, B16Mar15 Heart attack, cause, RLM 2-3 Helen, PCSD 336-41 Hell: hath no fury, DC182 Help: asking for, B10Apr09 everybody, B26May14 loss of control with, B10Apr09 must consider desires of other person, B06Jul11, B01Feb11 must consider needs of other person, B01Feb11, B30Mar11 needed for growth, B19Feb07 not responsible to when can’t, B30Jan14


not waiting too late to get, B18May11 sometimes hurts people, B01Feb11, B30Mar11, B16Mar12 Helping, children too much, DC395 Helping, vs controlling, B19Feb16 Helplessness: avoidance of, DC272 we hate, PCSD 96-7 wound of, PCSD 96-101 Hennessey, Dwight, RLW 99 Herd, separation from, B08Apr11 Hilton, Paris, B04Jun07 Hippopotamus, B21Sep 12 Hiring: assessing Getting and Protecting Behaviors important in, RLW144, RLW149 cost of, RLW202-3 managers tend to do poorly in, RLW 144 questions for, RLW 145-8 History: of people not needed to understand them, B27May15 understanding ours gives us power, EWB89, BWB 96 Hitler, Adolf: being right, RLV339-46 general, RLV314-48 how he teaches us about our own behavior, RLV314-17, RLV329, RLV332-3, RLV33946, RLV346-7 messiah, RLV337-9 selfishness of, RLV346-7 Holding people: dangers of, B10Dec14 how, B10Dec14 reasons for, B10Dec14 Hole: climbing out of, B10Oct16 in door, B23Mar12 Holy Grail, B01Jul15 Holly, RLP334-8, PCSD 324-31, EWB237-57, EWB395, BWB273-90, BWB415 Home: go to, B19Jun15 where love is, B19Jun15 Honesty, need for, DC34 Hope: healthy, B13Feb09 light of, B02Nov16 motivation good, B02Sep16 power of, B02Nov16 vs. expectation, B13Feb09


vs. want, B02Sep16 Horowitz, B14Nov16 Horses, don’t eat worms, DC496-7 Hose, and mirror, B11Mar15 House: buy, metaphor of (foundation of Real Love), RLD1-2 filthy, metaphor of (we carry who we are with us), RLD25-6 metaphor for our lives, DC81-83 House explode, don’t allow, B24Aug12 Houses, building like building lives, EWB307, BWB345 How Are You? B28Jan15 Hug (hugging): RLD155, RLD159 not felt if accompanied by a poke in the eye, B06Jul11 Human beings: essential components of every business, RLW 1 satisfying needs of essential to productivity, RLW 2-3 Humility: and confidence, B23Mar16 defined, B23Mar16 required to find Real Love, B26Mar07 Humor, makes it easier for us to talk about mistakes, EWB407, BWB424 Hundred-pound pack, EWB295, BWB333 Hunger: eating is solution, B28Jul14 identifying easy, B28Jul14 Hungry, see Starving Hurricane, just happens, B18Mar11 Hurt feelings, eliminated by understanding Real Love and Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP145 Hurt, responding to, RL121-4 victims act, RLV57-9 Hurting others: not our primary intent, RL15-17, RL29-30, RL71-2, RLWM 7-8 reaction to emptiness and fear, DC149-152 secondary result of protecting ourselves when in pain, RLV85-6 unavoidable consequence of learning, RLV68 Husband: angry, DC45 cheating, DC4 flirting,DC4 Hurricane Sandy, B30Oct12 Hussein, Saddam, B9Nov06, RLWM 135, RLV348-52 Hutus, RLV172-9 Hyperactivity, RLP258-9 Hyper-excitement, in PTSD, PCSD 57- 9


Hypersensitivity, in PCSD, PCSD 89 Hypocrisy (hypocritical): reason for being, B25Apr12 solution to, B25Apr12 we may not be as much as we think, B25Apr12 “I don’t like,” meaning of, B23Nov15 “I don’t love you”: anger communicates, EWB41-47, BWB52 effect of, EWB41-43, BWB430 examples, B29Apr08 exchange of in sequence of Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 85-6, BWB 431, BWB432 meaning of, DC7, DC8, DC9 ,DC010, DC011 meaning of Getting and Protecting Behaviors, DC384, DC411-3, B29Apr08 message of disappointment of anger, RLW15-16 message of Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW85-6 real subject of all conflicts, RLW89-91 role of in conflict, EWB417, BWB431 the message of disappointment or irritation, RLV13 use of Imitation Love communicates, RLW57-8 ways to communicate, RLW11-12, RLW57-8 “I don’t understand,” meaning of, B26Sep16 “I feel bad”, B11Dec15 “I forgot,” real meaning of, RLP334-5 “I love you”: and “I want to marry you,” RLD122-3 “because”, RL33-5, RLM 18, RLD23, RLWM 11-12 confusion around meaning, EWB27-31, BWB40-3 examples, B25Mar08, RLM 98-9 form of Imitation Love, RLD120 in Real Love, RLD120 meanings of, RLD120-3 means less than behavior, RLP150 misuse of, B25Mar08 negative thoughts associated with, DC18, B25Mar08 possible meanings of, RLV155-6 real meaning, RL33-5 real meaning, without enough Real Love, RLD23, EWB27-9, EWB93, BWB43-7, BWB106 reserve for potential spouse, RLD187 saying as often as possible, RLP150 sorting out real meaning, BWB43-7 truth about, RLP109-10 ways to express, B25Mar08 what our partner hears, RLD23 why we tend to say, RLD23, EWB27-9, BWB41 words to use, B25Mar08


“I thought you meant,” RLP204-5 “I want to marry you”: “I love you” and, RLD122-3 meaning of, RLD122 IBM, RLW 215 Ibuka, Masaru, RLW207, RLW215 Ice cream, razor blades, B3Apr15 Ideas, contributed by Toyota vs. American employees, RLW 3 Idiot, we often communicate message without words, B12Oct12 Ignorance: claim of, B26Sep16 faith in, B12Jun12 ignorance of, B20Dec13a meaning of, B26Sep16 not problem when admitted, B01Dec14 Illness: God’s role in inflicting, DC118 Imaginal therapy, PCSD 273 Imitation Love: acquisition of rules every interaction if we’re empty, RLW249 addict, helping, DC477-9, addiction, DC57, DC76, DC477-9, B19Jan13, RL22, RLM 11, RLD13-14, RLD109-10, RLWM 26-8, EWB 69-71, BWB78-9 addictive nature of, RLV16-19 alone with, RL22, RLD7 all forms deadly distractions, RLP35 always wears off, DC5 , DC12, DC55 amount often determines how “happy” we are, RLP77-8 assessing in others, EWB89-91, BWB100 attraction of, *DC430-3, B21Nov06B, B21Feb11, B05Aug12, B19Jan13 avoid trading with children, RLP245-52 avoiding, DC388-91, BWB131, BWB230 basis for relationship, DC100-103 basis for starting most relationships, RLD16-7, EWB89-91, BWB98-100 behaviors sometimes fall into more than one category of, RLP35 better than nothing, RL22-3 blind to, B04Nov11 blinding, B04Dec06, RLW 57-8 buying, signs that you are, EWB277 can’t make us happy, DC116-119, B19May07B, B19Jan13 can’t deceive when familiar with Real Love, RL47 can’t fill us up, RLP15, RLP31 cause of death, B04Jul08 caused by emptiness and fear, B04Jun07, RLV14 certainty we will look for when we don’t have enough Real Love, EWB89, BWB98 children taught to buy, EWB361-7, BWB388-93


combinations, DC70, DC100, DC298-9 combinations of forms in, RLD24-5 combinations of in money, sex, careers, RLW52-4 competition for, RLV2-3, RLV46-9 confusion of, B07Aug 12 confusing to children when parents call it “love,” RLP35 consequences of demanding, BWB314 cost of, RL22-4, B02Nov15 cost of pursuing, DC234, DC430-3, B19May07B criteria for choosing partner, RLD109-10, RLD111-16 danger of, FSG, B19May07B, B21Feb11, B05Aug12 deadly, B24Apr15 death by, DC430-3, B04Jul08, B21Feb11, B13Jan12 deceives us, RL22-3, RL45-6 deception of, DC457, B19May07B, B04Jun07, B09Dec08, B13Jul09, B21Feb11, B13Jan12, B05Aug12, B19Jan13 defined, B31Oct06, RLM 9-11, RLP27, RLP36, RLD9, RLW35, RLW60 defines qualities that attract us to people, EWB91, BWB 99 definition, EWB67, BWB76 desperation for, EWB357-9, BWB101-3, BWB248, BWB387 differential depreciation in, RLW 57 disappointment guaranteed with, B13Jun14 discussion of, PCSD 110-46 distracting, B25Nov08, B09Dec08, B25Jul11, EWB359 distraction, RL22-3, RL45-6, RL222, RLM 12, RLD109-10, RLD191-2, RLWM 222-3, RLWM 267-9 dollars of, RLD17, EWB93, BWB101 don’t see because we’re accustomed to it, B04Nov11 drawbacks of, EWB359, BWB97, BWB387 earned, RL22, RL44-5, RLD6 earned and in limited supply, RLWM 266 earning, examples of, RLD 6 earthly treasure, corruptible, BWB97, BWB114, BWB230 effects fade, RLD12, RLD18-20, RLD109-10, RLD111-12 effects of, DC5, DC69, DC70, PCSD 143-6, EWB359 effects of fleeting, BWB97, BWB114, BWB118, BWB230, BWB387 effects temporary, DC115-118, DC177-178, DC299-300, DC414, B08Feb13, B13Jun14, RL22, RL34, RLM 11-16 emptiness of, DC303-5, B21Nov06B, B04Jun07, RL22 examples, B21Nov06B, B04Jun07, RLD6, RLD18, RLWM 171, PCSD 110-46, RLV46-9, EWB25-7, EWB31-8, EWB38, EWB55-9, EWB89 examples of in Bible, BWB28, BWB99, BWB103-4 exhausting, RL222 explained, B25Dec15 failure of, B31Oct06, B04Jun07, B19Jan13 faith in, RLD25


falling in love and, B31Oct06 falling out of love, why RLM 11-16 feelings real from, DC414, B19May07B feels good for while, RL22, RLP31 feels good, like cotton candy, B13Jul09 feels good temporarily, RLW55-6 Field of Death and, RLV43-6, RLW55-9, EWB419 fills emptiness, DC26, B13Jul09, B25Jul11 foolishness of, BWB387 form of irrelevant, DC253 forms not always harmful, EWB85 forms of, not always bad, 23, RLM 11 forms, four, 18-21 foundation of most relationships, DC29, DC33, DC55 fun, B25Jul11 futility of, B08Feb13, RLV44-5 garbage, compared to, RLD25-6 give up before feeling Real Love, B08Feb16 giving up, DC114, B21Nov06B God’s view of, BWB97, BWB103-4, BWB114, BWB115, BWB118 how to change it, DC12 how we learn to use, EWB101 illusion of, RLD22, EWB15, EWB359, BWB435 illusion of happiness, RLWM 222-3 illustrated, EWB38-9, EWB55-9 important in absence of Real Love, RL230 in children, DC8, DC35 in dating, DC5, EWB355-9, BWB387, BWB435-6 in marriage, DC13, DC65, B31Oct06 in parenting, DC35 in sex, DC12, DC62 includes conditional love, RLD6 keeps us from feeling the Spirit,BWB 98 learning, DC383 limited supply, DC341-2 longer straw from, B08Feb13 loses its power when we have enough Real Love, RLP36 loss of devastating, B12Dec12 lost in, B07Aug 12 loud, B25Nov08 love-hate in, B13Jun14 men vs. women, DC373-4 must identify, or we’ll keep using, EWB87-9, BWB95-6 natural but deadly, EWB87, BWB95 need for strong, RLD16 needing approval, DC11


never settle for, EWB357-9, BWB387 no amount can create happiness, RLD92-3, EWB279, EWB357-9, EWB419, BWB314, BWB387 other names for, EWB279-81, BWB 315 parents teach children to buy, EWB361-7 pattern of that we use, RLD24-5, EWB101 pattern of in PCSD, PCSD 111-12, PCSD 143-4 patterns we learn from childhood, BWB110-11 perpetuation of, PCSD 111-12 positive contributions made in world by people who seek, DC234 power from understanding,RLD25-6 power of, DC430-3, B21Nov06B prison of, DC74, B13Jan12 pursuit of, DC383, B13Jan12, B19Jan13 real feelings from, DC414 reasons for, DC77, DC78 reasons we use, RL23-4 recognizing, EWB31-8, EWB55-9 relationships based on, DC303-5 score keeping in, RLM 180, EWB355-7 seduction of, B19May07B, B21Feb11, B13Jan12, B05Aug12 see Praise, addiction bad business, RLW55 seems important in absence of Real Love, DC116 so common we see it as normal, EWB87, BWB95 sex as form of, PCSD 324-31 signs of, DC13 song of, DC495, B25Nov08 soup, DC100 switching from one form to another, B21Nov06B temporary, B18Jul16 test for whether a form is Imitation or not, BWB92-3 trading, DC11, DC12, DC13, DC15, DC65, DC72, DC75, DC76, DC101-103, DC113-114, DC244-245, DC296-7, DC303-5, DC359, DC373, DC388-91, DC414-15, DC422-3, DC430-3, DC477-9, DC495-7, B31Oct06, B21Jan11, RL52, RL207-8, RLP35-6, RLP70, RLD16-21, RLD24-5, RLD112, PCSD 138-9, PCSD 224-5, PCSD 325-9, RLV161-2, RLW55-9 trading becomes unfair, RL34, RLM 13-14 trading, examples, RLW56-7 trap of, B21Feb11, B13Jan12, B05Aug12, B19Jan13, B08Feb13 trauma of, PCSD 143-6 types of, DC5.DC12, DC13, DC62, DC63 understanding gives us power, EWB89 use because of lack of Real Love, RL18 use of, criteria against choosing partner, RLD109-10 use of communicates “I don’t love you”, RLW57-8 used to fill our emptiness, RLV14


uses of, DC4, DC5, DC12 using unavoidable in absence of Real Love, EWB61 using understandable in absence of Real Love, RLD109-10 vs. Real Love, like photograph of food vs. food, RLD71 waste, B20Apr15 what most of us have received for lifetime, EWB55-9 why God wants us to avoid, BWB98-9 why we use, DC69, DC70, B04Jun07, works, RL22-4 worthless, DC72, RLD92-3, BWB314 Impossible, happiness with lies, B23May16 Imus, Don, DC192-195 In behaviors, B21Mar16, B28Mar16 In fear, B21Mar16, B28Mar16 In-between time, RL116 Inaction, price of, B21Apr14, B05Sep14 Inconveniences: examples, RLW97-8 if empty and afraid, angry, DC54 overwhelm us only when we don’t have enough Real Love, RLW 98 price of life, RLV54-5, RLV57 see Pain taken as personal insult by victims, RLV55-7,RLV 57-9 unavoidable, RLW97 Independence, encouraging, RLP273 Indian restaurant, B22May15 Indian story, BWB187-8 Individual, each of us, B10Jul15 Indulging, harmful, DC11 Inertia: RL65, RL161-2, RLP178 power of, B21May12, B19May14, B08Aug14 Innate Character Traits, B08Jul15 Infidelity: avoiding RLM 74-5, RLM 278-80 cause of, DC4, DC15, DC65, B12Mar14, RLM 275-77, RLD177 flirting a type of, DC4 incidence, RLD 177 nature of, DC201-202 not about you, DC15 reason for, RLD 109-10 responding to, DC4, DC65, DC201-202, DC215-217, DC383-7, DC437-8, DC468-9, B14Mar11, B15Nov12, B12Mar14, RLD 109-10, RLD 177-8 responding to the “other person” not necessary, DC15 responding to, RLM277-78 prevention, RLM 280-81, RLD 179-80 understanding, DC468-9, B15Nov12, B12Mar14


varieties, RLM 278-80, RLD 178-9 Information: Age, B09Jul08 changes decisions, B08Aug16 love more important than, B09Jul08 world filled with but still lost, B09Jul08 Ingratitude, responding to, RLP80-1 Injuries, related to conflict in workplace, RLW7 Injustice: defining, DC158 myth of, DC158 our right to correct, B15Aug12 responding to, DC158-160, B15Aug12 Innovation, see Creativity Insanity: allowing to pass, B16Jan13 not over-analyzing, B16Jan13 temporary, B16Jan13 Insignificant figures, B07Aug15 Integration: described, PCSD 22-3 effect on memory, PCSD 25-30 effects in PTSD, PCSD 24, PCSD 31-6 hazards of, PCSD 23 of Real Love into sick whole difficult, PCSD 92 when the whole is diseased, PCSD 75-77, PCSD 92 Intellect, not enough to produce happiness, B31Jan07A, B20Jan11 Intensive care, B16Aug07 Intention: alone, not enough, B15Apr11 International conflicts and victimhood, RLV172, RLV179 Internet: advantages of in dating, RLD 131-2 arranging personal meeting, RLD 138-9 dating, how it works, RLD 132-9 e-mailing partners, RLD 136-7 exchanging phone numbers on, RLD 137-8 posting photo on, RLD 134-5 profile, creation and use of, RLD 132-4 use, recreational, RLW51-2 Interrogation, handling, B04Nov15 Interrupting: foolishness of, B03Nov14 preventing, B17Oct14 response to, B17Oct14 Interventions:


described, B20Jun12 effects of, B17Sep12 examples, B17Sep12 why, B20Jun12 why pay for, B20Jun12 Interviews, parent-child: content, RLP359-61 examples, RLP 360-1 kinds of, RLP 358 planned, RLP 358 purpose, RLP 357-8 where, RLP 358-9 Intimacy: embrace soul of another, B19Dec13a Islam, and Jews, B24Mar07 Island: miracle of, B03Jun16 refuge of, B03Jun16 Island and starving, RL3 Isaac, RLP 385-6, PCSD 319-24 Israel, and conflict with Palestine, RLV179 Jack: RLP 283-4, RLP 394, PCSD 305-6 loving, B15Feb12 Jacob, RLP 213-6 James, RLP 312-5, PCSD 355-7 Janet, RLP 87-8 Jail: son in, DC287-290 Janelle, PCSD 345-52 Janette, RLP 251, 347 Jared, PCSD 259-264 Jason, RLP 33 Jay, RLP 294-6 Jealousy: cause of DC33, DC34 eliminates happiness, B12Nov14 eliminating, B22Jun15 examples, B12Nov14 meaning of, B12Nov14 of love other people get, B05May14 why, B22Jun15 Jeff , RLD 168-9 Jessica, RLP250 Jesus Christ: anger of, BWB134-6 atonement of, BWB6-7, BWB176-8 earned right to bestow forgiveness, BWB177


feeding five thousand, BWB359 fulfillment of the Law, BWB130 living bread, BWB176 living stone, BWB109 love for us proved by atonement, BWB176 names of, BWB7, BWB109, BWB176 resurrection and the life, BWB176 truth telling, examples of, BWB235-6, BWB245-6 wise man, example of, BWB235-6 Jesus, hating, B04May12 Jets, and Real Love, B15Jun15 Jews, and Islam, B24Mar07 Jim, RLD 98-100 Jim Lewis, B24Feb16 Joan and Tyler, RL49-61, RL159-60 Joan, RLP228, EWB299, BWB337 Joanne, RLP304-9 Job, see Workplace Job, why have, B18Mar15 Job interview, like dating, RLD 76-7 Jobs, important to fit people to right, RLW 142-9, RLW 222-3 Jobs, Steve, RLW214 Job security, need for, RLW205-6 Joel, RLP 87-8 John, RLP 81-2, EWB137-9, EWB177, BWB153-4, BWB210-11 Johnson, R.W., RLW216 Jonah, RLP 17-19 Jonathan, RLP 97-8, RLP 270, RLP 381-3 Jones, Parnelli, 89-90 Jordan, RLP 77 Joseph, RLP 64, RLP 146-7, RLP 191-2, RLP 268-9, RLP 339-42, RLP 390 Joseph of Egypt, BWB307 Joshua, RLP 201-4 Journey, one step at a time, DC409 Judging, by consequences, rather than by behavior, RLWM 92-3 Judgment: changing, B20Aug12 determined by past experiences, DC94, B20Aug12 examples of, B20Aug12 formed in past, RLWM 154 of selves, different ways, B14Mar12 of selves, reconsidering, B14Mar12, B20Aug12 of selves by what standards, B14Mar12 see Event - Judgment - Feeling - Reaction Judgments: Biblical references to, BWB208


change when see clearly, EWB169-75, EWB397-401, EWB417-18, BWB434 change with new experience, BWB209 change with Real Love, EWB397-401, EWB417-18, BWB209-10, BWB418-19, BWB433-4 changing will change feelings and behavior, EWB176, BWB209-10 choosing, B11Dec15 defined, EWB161, EWB167, BWB193 examples, EWB163-5, EWB167-9, EWB171-3, EWB397-401, BWB196-7 false, effects of, EWB169-71, EWB171, BWB203-4 learned as children, BWB201 make wisely, BWB208, BWB232-3 most powerful those about how events affect us personally, BWB196 once accurate, now inappropriate, hurting us, BWB203 recognizing important, EWB173-5, BWB205 taught us as children, EWB167, EWB408, BWB201, BWB228 two we fear most, EWB169-71, EWB397-401, EWB417, BWB199-200, BWB2025, BWB418-19,BWB 433-4 when, declaring only love what we can’t have, EWB171 Joshua, RLP 201-4 Julia, RLD 181-2, BWB172-3 Julie, RLP 134-5, 259 Justin, RLP 290-4 Jump shot, learn from missing, DC118 Jungle, or desert, a choice, B30Apr14 Just ask, about partner’s well-being, B07Oct15 “Just, I,” B28Jan14 Justice: defined, DC158 illusion of satisfaction from administering, DC159 insisting on irritates others, DC160 insisting on makes us prisoners, DC160 never makes us happy, DC159-160 pursuit of often waste of time, EWB123, BWB139-40 see also Fair Karen, PCSD 254-8 Kate, RLP 142-4, RLP 224-8 Katherine, RLP 356-7 Kevin, RLP 94, RLD 172 Key person in a relationship, B10Oct12 Keys, emotional, B18Nov11 Killer whales, RLW218 Kindle, metaphor, B08Jul11 Kindness: can’t be created by controlling, B04Dec07 effects of, V2 not enough, B25Jun14 Kingdom of God:


earth and heaven, BWB157-8 God’s invitation to inherit, BWB24 in the next life impossible for those who haven’t experienced it in this one, BWB24, BWB40, BWB158 Kimberley, RLP 39-40, RLP 200-1 King Kong, RLD 28 King, Martin Luther, PCSD 172 Kiss, give Mommy, RLP 109 Kissing, RLD 155, RLD 158 Kipuka, B16May11 Klondike gold rush, B29Jul15 Knee jerk reflex, B16Jun14 Knees, mine, B19Feb14 Knowledge: does not automatically confer ability, B22Jun11 doesn’t mean happiness, RL Intro everything, B01May15 makes doubts insignificant, B05Oct15 Knocked down, getting back up, B31Dec12 Kyle, RLP 178-83, RLP 354-6, PCSD 331-6 Kylie, RLP 283-4 Ladder, fall from, PCSD 24, PCSD 31 Lance Armstrong, B19Jan13 Land mass, becoming, B27Jul15 Landslide, B22Dec14 Lark, sound of like Real Love, B25Nov08 Larry, RLP 77 Late, being: RL248-50 message of, DC17 responding to, DC17, DC144-145 Laura, EWB9, BWB21 Laurie, RLD 191-2 Law(s): define consequences of our choices, B04Jun12 don’t make people happy, love does, B28Nov08 don’t pick on people, B04Jun12 happiness from living, DC118-119, B22Jul11, B04Jun12, B12Nov12 need for, B12Nov12 protection of, B19Aug16 safety of, B05Sep16 Law of Choice: Law of Choice, see Choice, law of anger disappears when we understand, RLWM 52 death and, DC306-7 definition, RLWM 50, PCSD 97-8, PCSD 280-82, RLV68 effects of violating, RLV182-4


essential to happiness, PCSD 280-82, RLV68 examples, DC17, DC22, DC24, DC66, DC68, DC144-145, DC221, DC238-239, DC265266, DC291, DC312, DC320-21, DC324, DC328-30, DC340, RLV 69 examples of application, RLWM 49-50 expectations vanish when understand, RLWM 244 health and, DC306-7 how we violate, PCSD 281-2 in conflict resolution, RLWM 243-5 involves mistakes and hurting other people on occasion, RLV 68, RLV183 loving is natural result of understanding, RLWM 87-8 importance of, DC170-172, DC196-197, DC257-259, DC306-7 mistakes unavoidable result of, DC160 negative effects of violating, RLV 70-71 not understanding leads to selfishness and all the Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLWM 72 price of that we must live with choices of others, DC158, RLV68 principles that spring from, RLWM 50-1 selfishness of violating, RLV182-4 teaching children about, RLV 191 understanding helpful in eliminating anger and guilt, PCSD 280-82, RLV191-2 understanding helpful in eliminating victimhood, RLV182-92 victims attitude toward, RLV68 victims violate, RLV182-4 violating, reasons for not,RLV184 world without, RLV68 Law of Expectations: defined, RLWM 55, PCSD 98-100, PCSD 283-4, RLV71, RLV196 examples of violating, RLWM 63-5 exception to, PCSD 284, RLV198-9 follows from the Law of Choice, PCSD 283, RLV196 illustrated, RLV196-8 promises exception to, RLWM 55 understanding of can help eliminate victimhood, RLV196-8 victimhood founded on disregard for, RLV196 victims’ disregard for, RLV 71-4, RLV196 Law of Harvest, B25Nov09, BWB343-4 Law of Loving, PCSD 284-5 Law of Responsibility, DC159, RLWM 88, defined, PCSD 283, RLV71, RLV74, RLV192 illustrated, RLV208-209, RLV192-6 victims disregard for, RLV71-4 Laws of Happiness, PCSD 279-85, B08Sep07, B02Sep08, B22Jul11, B09Nov11, B12Dec 11, B28Mar12, B04Jun12 Laws of Happiness: fighting painful, B31Aug16 qualify us for Real Love, B01Jul15


Lawn metaphor, raising children, DC6 Lawrence of Arabia, B26Nov12 Layers, of who we are, B08Jul15 Laziness: accusation of a weapon, B11Mar16 excuse, B11Mar16 helplessness leads to, B02May12 nature of, B11Mar16 skepticism and, B18Jun12 solution is taking responsibility, B02May12 victimhood cause of, B02May12 Leader, Leaders: anger a deadly quality in, RLW 100 assessing your effectiveness as, RLW224 assume responsibility for problems, and why, RLW 238-9 definition, RLW2, RLW222 don’t need to become amateur psychologists, RLW143, RLW166-7 don’t promote to level of incompetence, RLW222-4 facilitate collaboration, RLW248 failings of, RLW 238-9 “higher” not necessarily more valuable, RLW222-4 important to fit people to right positions, RLW222-4 indispensable at every level in business, RLW2 ineffective if they are drowning, RLW124 loveandteach, RLW204, RLW266 loving a required quality in, RLW94-6, RLW100, RLW201 only as effective as those they lead ,RLW 248 people want to follow real, RLW 21, RLW100 qualities of effective, RLW201-248,RLW 219-20 qualities of poor, RLW 100 question we must ask to become, RLW115-16 responsibilities of, RLW32-3 supply meaning to those they lead, RLW206-8 support those they lead, RLW204-25 telling truth sets example for truth telling for others, RLW197-9 trained by experience, RLW210 vs. managers, RLW 33 Leadership: can’t be faked, RLW100, RLW113-16 can’t be taught from the outside, RLW100, RLW113-16 effective described, RLW201 failings of, RLW238-9 impossible with anger, RLW116 lovingandteaching, RLW 204 mistakes in unavoidable, RLW252-3 more than measurable numbers, RLW231-2


natural result of loving people, RLW219-20 not permissive, RLW226 old techniques ineffective, RLW115-16 people have different capacities for, RLW222-4 qualities of, RLW201-248, RLW219-20 questions to determine people’s different needs for, RLW220-21 Real Love necessary in, RLW 20-21,RLW 94-6, RLW100, RLW149, RLW201 supporting, RLW 204-25 supporting with adequate compensation, RLW205 supporting with collaboration, RLW 219 supporting with job security, RLW 205-6 supporting with information and communication, RLW 216-17 supporting with leadership development, RLW222-4 supporting with physical resources, RLW208-9 supporting with sense of friendship in workplace, RLW 219 supporting with trust, RLW 209-216 teaching, example, RLW114-15, RLW119-20, RLW121-4, RLW154-5, RLW1678, RLW209-10, RLW2347, RLW252, RLW260-62, RLW280-82, RLW312-7 teaching meaning, RLW206-8, RLW286-7 teaching necessary, RLW202-4 test for qualities of in yourself, RLW 94-5 truth telling essential part of, RLW156-7, RLW216-17, RLW234-6 usually the problem with difficult employees, RLW 119-20,RLW 121-4,RLW 154-5, RLW238-9 Leadership training: need for constant, RLW222 people want, RLW 222-4 questions useful in, RLW212-3 trust essential for ,RLW 209-12, RLW212-13 Leading, vs. pushing, B19Sep16 Leaking water in basement story, EWB144, BWB164 Learning: best with Real Love and support ,RLW 226 choice, B24Dec07 difficult with Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 101-2 easier when children feel loved, RLP 146 examples, B29Apr16 fear of, B25Apr16 feedback required, B24Dec14 humility required, B24Dec14 hurting other people unavoidable consequence of, RLV68 mistakes unavoidable, B18Mar15 mistakes unavoidable consequence of, RLV 68 more than just knowledge, B22Jun11 one step at a time, DC409, B07Nov06


only real when behavior changes, B22Jun11 price of, DC287-290, B07Nov06 requires difficult experiences, RLV186-7 through questions, not “buts”, B08May12 truth telling required for, RLW 140-42 see Growth vs. arguing, B08May12 Leaves, blowing, B06Nov15 Leaving relationships (leave the pig): after, RLD 214 anger in, RLD 213-14 asking the right question, RLD 200-2 criteria for in seriously flawed relationship, RLD 206 divorce, see Divorce examples, 1 RLD 27-8, EWB290, examples, BWB328-9 fear of, RLD 205-6 guidelines for, RLD 199-214 learning from, RLD 214 lovingly, RLD 211-14 often result of just not seeing other choices, RLWM 54 permanent, because of inability to grow, EWB292-7, BWB331-4 permanent, because of no interest in pursuing a relationship, BWB335-6 prevention easier, RLD 209 really trying to change yourself before, RLD 207-9 reasons for, EWB290, BWB329 reasons for reluctance to, RLD 205-6 sooner, RLD 209-10 starting over afterward, RLD 205-9 talking about with others, RLD 212-13 temporary, to grow in Real Love, EWB291-2, BWB329-31 versus running, EWB347 what to say, RLD 211 what to say at temporary leaving, EWB291, EWB345, BWB329 when, RLD 207-9 when you are not capable of loving, RLD 127-8, EWB290, BWB328 without blaming, RLD 210-14 Leaving relationships (or situations): accepting decision of partner about, B16Nov11, RL258 attitude toward, DC324, B16Nov11 be loving or you won’t learn anything from, RL267 blaming, RL59-60 deciding when, DC88, DC414-5, B06Apr07, B16Nov11, B11Jan12, B07Mar12 fear in, DC88, RL257-68 making decision about, DC418, DC434, DC446-8, DC457, DC490, DC492, B06Apr07 (boyfriend), B07Nov11 (mother), B16Nov11 (done), B11Jan12 (boyfriendhus), B07Mar12, B01Aug14


not blaming, RL59-60, RL237-8, RL264, RL265-7 sometimes best, DC5, DC88 , B06Apr07, B07Nov11, B16Nov11, B11Jan12, RL60, RL157, RL258-60 temporarily, B07Nov11, B11Jan12 vs. running, RL251 when love not possible, RL259 Lee, Robert E., BWB257 Legislation, can’t create kindness, B04Dec07 Lens, through which we perceive experiences: cleared with the truth and Real Love, see PCSD Treatment determined by others, PCSD 6872, PCSD 217 distorted, PCSD 75-77, PCSD 217, PCSD 222 Less, is more, B06Aug14 Letting go: of lies, B17Sep14 of past, B17Sep14 Lewis, RLP 220-2, PCSD 214-15 Libby, EWB355-9, BWB385-8 License to love, B07Sep12 Lies: cause pain, B09Jul14 chains of, B17Feb12 childhood, of, continue, B24Sep14 come from past, B24Sep14 effects of, B24Sep14 examples, B09Jul14, B29Oct14 lead to unhappiness, B17Sep14, B24Sep14, B24Sep14 letting go of, B17Sep14 like fire, B24Sep14 loud, B20Jun16 more don’t add up to the truth, B27Feb12 old tend to ruin our lives, B03May11, B17Feb12, B27Feb12, B24Sep14 repeating those of past, B27Feb12, B17Sep14 replacing, B24Sep14 rude, B20Jun16 self, B06May15 sneaky, B29Oct14 taught in childhood, B24Sep14 telling, DC39 Life: beginning determines end, B05Jun15 composed of thousands of influences, B06Apr16 hard, B16Sep09 less than love, 02Feb15 pay with whole for whatever we have, B14Apr12 purpose of, DC459-63, B07Mar11


Life and death, Real Love is, B20Jan09 Light, determines what we see, B02Jan15 Liking, vs. loving, B24Aug16 Lincoln, Abraham, RLW48, BWB257 Linda, RLP 229-31 Lindsey, RLP 280-1 Lions and tigers, B16Sep11 Lisa, 9 RLP 4 Listening (listen): active, not enough, RLWM 137-8, RLW 186-7, BWB360-1 agree where possible, RLM 95, RLWM 139 asking questions a form of, EWB342, BWB371-2 asking questions in, RLW 187-8 asking question when, RLM 94, RLM 233-34, RLP 159-60 asking questions a sign of, RLWM 138-9 avoid criticism in, RLM 91-2, RLP 157, RLW 180-81, EWB331, BWB364 be quiet, RLW 178 before offering solution, B28Aug15 being quiet part of genuine, EWB329, BWB362 better, not longer, RLW 279-82 brief, example, RLW 280-82 communicates love or not love every time, RLW 175-6 criticism sign of not, RLWM 135 defuses conflict, RLW 269-72 desperation to be listened to, B07Jul14 details distracting, DC411-3, B23Sep11, RLW 279-82 don’t do well at, DC31, B23Sep11, B16Dec11, B05Jan13 effective looks for meaning not details, RLW279-82 effects when people don’t get, DC437-8, B16Dec11 “Eight” a sign of, RLWM 136-8, RLM 92-3, RLP 157-9, RLW181-7, RLW236-8, EWB3335, BWB365-7 Evidence of Real Love, RLM 88-95 example of loving, EWB333-5 examples of, DC366-7, B07Sep11, B23Sep11, B01Oct14, RLM 88-95, 203-4 examples of poor, RLP 154, RLP 243, RLW176-8, RLW179, RLW189-91 examples of wise, RLP 154, RLP 244, RLW176-8, RLW181-6, RLW189-91 for meaning, example, RLW279-82 for meaning, not words, B23Sep11 genuine a form of loving, EWB326-37, BWB360-1 goal to convey acceptance, RLWM 136 helping people to, B23Sep11 how not to, DC437-8, B06Jun08, B16Dec11 how to, DC437-8, B07Sep11, B01Oct14, RLM 88-95, RLP 155-160, RLWM 133-40 identifying real subject of conversation, DC416-7, B07Sep11 impossible while empty, B30Nov11 importance of, DC214, RLP 153


interrupting to achieve, B23Sep11 joy of being listened to, B09Jan13 loving act, DC366-7, DC417, B30Nov11, RLP 153, RLV285, RLW175-94, BWB360-7 makes feeling seen possible, RLWM 134 meaning of, DC314, DC411-3, B07Sep11 means not correcting people, B06Jun08, B16Dec11 no advice giving when, RLP 155, RLW 178-9 no “but” in, RLW181 no editing in, RLW 179-80 no Getting and Protecting Behaviors in, RLW188 non-verbal, RLM 91 non-verbal acceptance in, RLP 156-7, RLW180 non-verbal expression a part of, EWB349-51, BWB362-3 not, B01Oct14, B03Nov14 not drawn out affair, RLW 279-82 not editing in, RLP 156 not protecting ourselves a form of, EWB342, BWB371-2 not sympathy, RLW281 not technique, RLW176-8, RLW181-3, BWB360 one topic at a time, RLM 122-23 quiet when, RLP 155 repeating what is said not enough, RLWM 137-8 Rules of Seeing and, RLM 116-120 poor, B26Oct15 silence in, RLWM 134, RLWM 140 subject, identifying, B01Oct14 techniques worthless without Real Love, RLM 88-9 to children, B05Jan13 to content, RLWM 136-8 to what matters, DC411-3, B07Sep11, B23Sep11 vs. just hearing, DC145, B23Sep11 when you disagree, RLWM 140 why we don’t, B26Oct15 with mouth, B30Nov11 Live with the pig and hate it, examples of, EWB289, BWB327-8 Live with the pig and like it: be doormat to pig, EWB302-4, BWB340-2 different meanings, EWB298-304, BWB336-42 enjoying life of a pig, EWB299, BWB337 examples, RLD 99-100, BWB339 finding alternative ways to live with pig, EWB299-302, BWB338-9 gritting teeth and enduring, EWB298, BWB337 learning to love the pig, EWB299, EWB465, BWB337-9 Living, or lunch, B17Oct16 Living waters and God’s love, BWB4-5, BWB36 Lloyd, Earl, RLW21


Lohan, Lindsay, B04Jun07 Lombardi, Vince, RLW214-15 Lonely, see Alone, B08May09 Looking (at people when they speak), loving act, EWB337, BWB 367-8 Looking at children, need for, RLP152-3 Looking at spouse evidence of Real Love, RLM 95 Looking good, chains of, B06Apr15 Looking, loving act, RLW175 Loss, fear of, B26Mar12 Lost: in jungle, B07Aug 12 recovering from, B07Aug 12 why, B24Jan07, B4Dec06 Lost prince, B24Jan07 Lovable, all of us are, RLWM 114-16 Love: action, B06Aug09 buying, EWB 65-7, BWB74-5 choice, B06Aug09 claims vs. truth, PCSD 79-85 conditional, see Conditional love confidence from, B18Mar15 confusion of meaning of word, EWB27-31, BWB 25, BWB40-7,BWB 66 contribution to health, EWB23, BWB 36-7 defined by parents’ behavior, PCSD 78-82 defined by parents for children, B21Jan11 defined by parents’ words, PCSD 78-9 definition important, B31Jan13, B30Apr14 enough, B18Aug14 feeling, B06Aug09 flow powerful, B20Jun16 great lie, PCSD 82-5 hunt for, EWB355-7, BWB385-6 meanings of word, B06Aug09 not just any kind will make us happy, EWB25, BWB38-9 often disappointing, EWB27, BWB39-40 proof of, B24Oct14 Real see Real Love remembering, B23Sep16 self, B11Mar11, B10Jun15 some people more than others, B06Aug09 sorting out real meaning in our lives, EWB31-8, BWB 43-7 special, B18Aug14 special with some people, B06Aug09 the kind we’ve often received, EWB25-38, BWB38-47, BWB64-9 Loveandteach (Loving and teaching):


consistently, B14Nov14 described, PCSD 234-5, PCSD 285-7, PCSD 364-5 education need in, B29Jan16 effects, DC329, B28Nov11, B10Feb12, B23Jul14 examples of, DC480, DC503, B17Jan07, DC487-8, B19Jun07, B28Nov11, B10Feb12, B18Jul14, B23Jul14, PCSD 305-6, PCSD 310, PCSD 349-50, RLW204, RLW266 examples, see PCSD Treatment, examples Love, Imitation, see Imitation Love Love, Real, see Real Love Love, greater than life, 02Feb15 Loved ➝ Seeing ➝ Accepting ➝ Loving, RL136, RL159-60, RLP141-8, RLP172, RLP300-2, RLW165-6, RLW169,RLW 171, EWB325, BWB358 circular, RLWM 8-9 mentioned, RLWM 7 Loving: ability grows gradually, EWB293, BWB331-2 ability not conferred by position or expectation, B24Feb14e ability proven by results, B24Mar14 absence of anger strong sign of, RLP162 acts, RLM 87-107, RLM 128-29, RLP150-62, RLP242-3, RLWM 9 acts, examples, RLW173-96 acts, random, RLM 99-100 acts, see Loving acts admitting that we’re not or haven’t been as parents, RLP214, RLP243 always happier way to live for you, BWB212 as much as we can, DC83, DC269, DC360, B12Sep11, B07Nov11, B14Dec11, B04Jan12, B20Apr12, B19Jul12, B25Apr14 apologizing a form of, EWB339, BWB368 as able, EWB435, BWB444-5 as you choose, not as is demanded of you, EWB443 attention given when not demanded, RLP240-3 avoiding excessive, DC330 awkward in beginning, RLW171-2 brings us closer to people, RLW196 can eliminate anger, RLP92 can’t be faked, RLP171, RLP211, RLW201 can’t give what don’t have, EWB319-21, B23Jan15, BWB355 can’t judge by response of others, B25Jun14 can’t teach by commanding, RLP289 can’t until we have been loved ourselves, RLW171-2 can’t when have none to give, B25Apr14 capacity to be is quantifiable, PCSD 102-3 children can’t love us unconditionally, RLP69-70 choice, B01Aug14, RL139, RL166-7, RLM 84-7, RLM 272-75, RLP149-50, RLWM 245, B17Aug15 choosing can eliminate anger, RLM 128-29


circular, RLWM 8-9 claims to be often unfounded, B24Mar14 confidence required, B10Feb12 consecutively, not simultaneously, B09Apr14 cooperation a form of, EWB341-2, BWB371 dangers of, B02Nov11 decision, RL139 definition, RLWM 9, EWB433, BWB444-5 desire to be innate, PCSD 102-3 difficult to do by will power alone, BWB194-6, BWB355 difficult with some people, B06Jul16 difficulties of, B02Nov11, B04Jan12, B13Feb12 does not make you a doormat, RLP297-300, RLW318-19 does not mean giving people everything they want, EWB 433, BWB 439,BWB444-5 don’t give up easily, RLW252 don’t have to give everything other people want, RLWM 245 don’t try to be when you don’t have sufficient Real Love, BWB328-9, BWB332 effects on children, RLP162-3, RLP240, RLP245, RLP356-7 effortless when Real, RLP148-9, RLW172 easier than Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL167, BWB230-1 eliminating your own anger with, RL241-3 everybody, B26May14, everyone, RL143-4, RL158 evidence of, RLP23-4, BWB284 example to follow, B19Sep16 examples, DC343, B05Nov14 examples in everyday life, B13Sep12, EWB339-41, EWB435 faith in, B23May14 faith in people part of, B26May08 faith is key, RLM 180-84 feedback of others about, B25Jun14 feels good regardless of partner’s behavior, RLWM 243-5 finding spouse a form of, RLM 102-3 follows naturally an understanding that other people are just drowning, RLP54-6 forgiving and accepting a form of, EWB343, BWB372-3 freely given, RLP148 giving and receiving, B09Apr14 giving more and more, B14Dec11 giving people what they need not what they want, DC211-213 gradual, B12Sep11, B07Nov11, B25Apr14 greatest joy, RLP289 guidelines for, B02Nov11 includes teaching, DC19 happier when, DC73, DC157 happiness from, PCSD 284-5 helping people tell truth about themselves is part of, RLWM 9-11


how, DC73, BWB 444-5 how much, B23Oct15 how to give when short on time, RLP242 in person, B26May11 includes accepting, RLWM 9 increases our own supply of Real Love, BWB308, BWB359 intermittently can be overwhelmed by disappointment and anger, RLP12-13 just do it and see what happens, B23May14 leaders model, RLW312 leads to feeling more loved, RLWM 8-9 learned, RLP141-4, RLP148, RLW 311, EWB293, EWB319, BWB178-9, BWB322-3, B18Mar15 learned gradually, B12Sep11, B14Dec11, RL71, RL162-4 license for, B07Sep12 like sharing water from bucket, RL165-6 limitations of, EWB433, BWB444-5 listening a form of, RLM 88-95, EWB327-37, BWB360-1 looking a form of, RLM 95, EWB337, BWB367-8 loveandteach, RLW204, RLW266 makes us happier, BWB212, BWB 359 meaning of in workplace, RLW172-3 messy sometimes, B13Feb12 miracle of, RL165-6, RL241, RLM 84-5, EWB325, BWB359 more one person than another, B19Nov14 more truthful than anger, PCSD 310-11 most important skill to learn, RLP295-6 must feel loved first, RL71, RL137-9, RLP172 must consider needs of other person, B06Jul11 mutual, see Loving, mutual natural inclination to be, EWB325 natural when seeing and accepting, RL136 never give up on, RLP197-9 never try to be more than you are, DC162, DC269, B12Sep11, B25Apr14 no expectations, RLW 172 not a technique, RLP211 not conferred by position or expectation, B24Feb14e not defending ourselves a form of, EWB342, BWB 371-2 not doormat, EWB119, EWB302-4, EWB433, BWB140, BWB340-2, BWB444-5 not, is wrong, RLW 317-18 not just soft, B10Feb12, B13Feb12 not loving is wrong, RLP296-7 not permissiveness, DC211-213, B10Feb12, RLW226-7, RLW318-19 offering, RLM 156-57 one-sided, DC78, RL164-5, RL172-3, RLM 178-80 one-way, parent to child, RLP69 others more than ourselves, B24Mar08


ourselves, EWB 321-3, BWB356-8 people who can receive it, B20Apr12 persistent, RLW252 plus one, B14Dec11 practice being, RL162-4 practice required, B30Apr12 primary goal in everything we do, B29Apr08, B06Feb15 purpose of life, DC459-63, B29Apr08 random acts of, RLM 99-100, RLW195-6 random acts of kindness a form of, EWB339-41, BWB369-70 result of feeling loved and understanding, RLWM 7 rewards great, BWB304-5 rewards of, RLP149, RLW172-3 seeing leads to, RLWM 7-9 self, DC48-50, B10Jun15 self-rewarding, RLW172-3 spectrum, B04Jan12 steps to learn, RL136, RLM 83 synergism with self-control, 85-7 teaching and, RLWM 11, RLWM 105 teaching children to be, RLP289-319,RLP290-4, RLP294-6, RLP368-9 teaching children to be, by our example, RLP290 teaching children to be, four steps, RLP290, RLP294-6 teaching people to be, examples, RLW 323-4 teaching people to be, four steps, RLW 312 teaching people to be, four steps, example, RLW312-17 telling the truth about yourself a form of, EWB337, BWB368 test for whether we are, RLP23-4 test of, BWB284 time required to see effect of, RLP199 time with children evidence of, RLP160-2, RLP240-3 touching a form of, EWB337, BWB368 truer than unloving, B27Feb12 useless without truth, RLWM 105 vs. accepting, RL159-61, EWB325, BWB 360 vs. being hostage, DC391 vs. enabling, DC395 vs. liking, B24Aug16 ways to, RL139-40, RL158, RL166-7, RL243 ways to be, RLW173-96, RLW260-6, RLW1268-9, EWB325-44, BWB444-5 we don’t intentionally withhold, RL72 we have natural desire to be, BWB427 we really want to be, RL84, RL169 we’re doing our best to be, BWB266-7 what it means, BWB444-5 when spouse resistant, RLM 106-7


while children make mistakes, RLP12-13 why, B20Feb15 why we don’t, RLP14-19 why we’re not, EWB319-21, BWB355-6 why (need), RL167-9 withdrawing when you can’t be, see Rules of Seeing, Fourth without expectations, RLM 103-4, EWB343-4, BWB373 wounds people when not unconditional, B27Jun11 Loving acts: do in secret, BWB74-5 examples, DC157, BWB217, BWB359-73 examples in Bible, BWB215-7 omission of unloving acts, DC133 random, examples, EWB339-41, BWB369-70 Loving, mutual: best experience in the world, RL170 examples, RL170-77, RL184-6, RL186-7 must learn truth and love first, RL170 requests in, RL177-84 truth-telling in, RL170-7 Loving self, B10Jun15 Lucy, RLP234-5 Lullaby, B07Sep16 Lunch, or life, B17Oct16 Lying: alone when, RL44-6, RLWM 14 “best foot forward,” RLP42 buys approval, RLV20-1 can’t be seen when, RL44-6 can’t feel loved by God when, BWB228-30 can’t feel loved while, RLM 17-19, PCSD 151-2, RLV22-3, EWB111, EWB192, BWB124 cause of, DC23, DC336-8, DC356-7, RLP39, RLP100, RLP136, RLP200 caused by PCSD, PCSD 154 causes PCSD, PCSD 151-3, PCSD 154 causes unhappiness, RL44-6, RLP44-5 causes us to be alone, RLP44-5, RLP106, RLW253 common, PCSD 148, RLV19-20, EWB111, BWB122, BWB233-4 confronting incorrectly, RLW 257 consequences of, RLP42-5 cost, RL44-6 cycle of, PCSD 151-2 dangers of, RLW140-42 decreases creativity, RLW67-9 decreases job satisfaction, RLW 63-5 decreases productivity, RLW 65-9 defined, RL25, RLM 17-19, RLP126


doesn’t work, RLWM 108-10 effects of, EWB111, BWB429 eliminating our own, RL245 eliminating with Real Love, RLV87-90 examples, RL25, RL245, RLM 57-8, RLD 29-33, RLWM 107-8, RLWM 200, PCSD 14850, RLV20-21,RLV 87-90, RLV92-3, RLW65-9, RLW149-50, RLW256-7, EWB10913, EWB191, BWB122-3, BWB226, BWB233-4, B09Mar16 examples, adults, RLP41-2, RLP106-14, RLP126, RLP237-8 examples, children, RLP39-40 examples of social, RLW62-3 frequency of, PCSD 148, RLV23, RLW 62 generational cycle of, PCSD 153-4 Getting and Protecting Behavior, RLV19-22 giving up, how to, RLWM 107-14 guarantees being unloved and alone, RLWM 14 harm of, B09Mar16 how learned, B13Nov15 intentional, RLP201-3 justifications for, RLW253 learned, RLP39 like pretending to be peacock when you’re a swan, RLD 71-2 learned, B13Nov15 makes it impossible to feel loved, RLP42-5, RLP118, RLP125, RLD 33-5, RLD 71-3, RLV145, RLW63-5, BWB124 makes Real Love impossible, RLWM 176, RLWM 268, EWB192 makes us alone, RLD 34 more when judgment impaired, B12Aug12 music and, B14Jan13 negative consequences, PCSD 151-4, RLV22, RLW65-9 never makes us happy, DC27 on dates, examples, RLD 29-33, RLD 72 parents, RLP40-42, RLP86-7 parents teach children to, RLP39-41, RLP136 parents to children, effects of, RLP126 parents to children, why, RLP126 people don’t when they feel loved, B12Aug12 positive, PCSD 257-8 preventing, RLP200-1, RLW254 price of, RLD 72-3, EWB192, BWB124-6 Protecting Behavior, EWB109, BWB121-2 protection of, RLW 62, RLW68-9 purpose to avoid pain and get Imitation Love, RLP39, RLW 253 rarely intentional, BWB123 responding to, DC337-8, DC435-6, RLP200-5 responding to productively, RLW254-8 reacting to that of others, RL246-8


see Anger see Getting and Protecting Behaviors taught to us as children, PCSD 147-8, RLV20 silence, RLW67-8 taught to, RLM 17 taught to us as children, RLW62 telling the truth about, RLWM 200-1 to ourselves, BWB228-9 unconscious mostly, BWB235 unconscious usually, RL 25, RLM 17-19, RLV19-21 understandable, RLP42, EWB109-11, BWB121-2 unintentional, RLP41, RLP203, RLW62-3, RLW141 unloved when, RLP200, RLW253 usually unconscious, RLD 33 vs truth telling, B09Mar16 when hiding, RL41-6 why, DC109, DC435-6, RL44, RL69, RLD 28-9, PCSD 147-8, EWB109-11, BWB1212, BWB227-8, B09Mar16 Lynn, EWB333-5, BWB365-6 Machete Season, RLV174 Madeline, RLP128-32 Magic: dangers of, DC177-178, B09Sep11, B17Oct12 taught to children, B17Oct12 vs. miracles, DC178, B09Sep11, B09Nov16 Maintenance: easier than repair, B01Feb16 importance of, B02Mar16 of Real Love, B08Dec14 with Real Love, B07Sep15 Malaria, compared to victimhood, RLV3 Mama’s boy, DC021 Managers vs. leaders, RLW33 Manipulating: examples, DC12, DC26 Imitation Love the result, DC12, DC26 makes Real Love impossible, DC12 see Getting and Protecting Behaviors Manure: growing flowers from, B28Feb11 shoveling, B17Jun16 Maple syrup, production, B09Sep16 Marcus, RLP332 Margie, PCSD 199-202, PCSD 311-18 Marie, RLP17-19, RLP310-2 Marijuana, effects of, B12Aug12 Mark, RLP231-2, RLP386-9, RLD 1-2


Mark and Susan, RLV2-3,RLV 6-9, RLV17-18, RLV20-1, RLV23-4, RLV27, RLV46-9 Marketing: Real Love and, B04Dec12 Marriage: see Relationships, exclusive arguing, DC52, B29Apr08 anger in, examples, EWB381-9, BWB402-4 angry spouse, DC45 asking questions about condition of, B10Nov14 blaming eliminated by understanding Real Love, EWB97-9, BWB107-9 blaming in, EWB97-9, BWB106-7 can’t change partner, DC4, B18Jul11, B05Mar14 children in, DC81-83 choosing partner, see Dating chores in, DC20, B05Mar14 commandment for men to love wives, BWB26, BWB105 commitment of, DC264, RL195-6, RL264-5, RLM 173-78, RLM 294-96 commitment to be faithful, DC4 commitment to, see Commitment conflict in, B29Apr08, B03Sep09, conflict in, resolving, EWB381-9, BWB402-9 criteria for, RLD 181-2 criteria for partner different from criteria for unconditional loving, RLD 23-4 decide what want, DC129-133 definition, RL191, RLM 49, RLM 173-74 discussions before, RLD 185-6 different roles in, B05Mar14 division of labor, B05Mar14 divorce incidence in, EWB13, BWB26 don’t give up before Real Love, RLM 173-80, RLM 294-95 drug use in. DC418 easier with twenty million, RLM 184 example of honest loving conversation, DC4 examples, B08Jun16 expectations in, DC31, RLD 95-7, RLWM 56, EWB 415, BWB431 expectations high in, RLM 46-9, RLM 66-8, RLM 77, RLM 171-73, RLM 184 failing, DC65, DC66, DC67, DC68 failing, feelings in, EWB97-9, BWB106-7 failure of, EWB13, BWB26-7 failure rate of, RLD 2-3, RLD 22 faith in, RLM 18-84 finances in, DC396-400 first priority, DC325 foundation Christ, BWB108-9 foundation of, DC81-83 foundation Real Love, BWB 108


getting Real Love outside sometimes and bringing back to, RL125-6, RL128-9, RL234 happiness in, B08Jun16 happiness the primary goal, DC129-133 healing individual in, B25Apr14 how Real Love leads to, RLD 121-3 improvement begins with you, DC13 individual healing in, B25Apr14 infidelity, DC65 inter-racial, DC196-197 Law of Choice in, RL190-1 lifetime commitment, RL195-6 loyalty in, RLM 74-6, RLM 160-65 loyalty to parents over spouse, DC315-6 nagging in, DC20 one, RLM 185-87 one partner becomes loving in, B15Nov12 oneness in, B10Apr09 opportunity to learn,DC13, RL190-2, RL265 partnership in, B03Sep09, B05Mar14 persistence in, RLM 174-78, RLM 321-23 physical abuse in, DC298-302 preparation for, RLD 182-6 Primary Decision in, RLM 160-65 priorities in, DC401-2 priorities with children, DC401-2 promises we hear from our partner in association with, B20Dec07D promises of, RL189 purpose, RL55-6, RLM 173-74, RLM 186-87, RLD 197 purpose usually to preserve feeling of falling in love, RL188-9 Real Love important in choosing partner, RL261-4 repeats what we saw in our parents, B28Mar11 reporting in, DC308-310 rape in, DC200 Real Love book, role in, RLD 186 Real Love foundation of, RLD 182 Real Love most important element in, DC52 requirements for partner in, DC357 roles not equal, B05Mar14 rules, B16Dec15 rules of, public blog: B21Oct15 sex in, DC331-2, sex in, see Sex, in marriage sexual fidelity in, DC339-40, RL197-9 sharing in, DC308-310, B10Apr09, RL193-5 spouse ignoring, DC13 spouse’s emptiness not about you, DC4


standard for, RLD 181-2 staying in no matter what, RLM 294-96 stepchildren in, DC81-83 study showing initial effect fading, RLM 16 success in a decision, RL193-4 synergy, B03Sep09 test to determine preparation, RLD 184-5 together, not apart anymore, B10Apr09 truth telling in, DC79, DC187, DC301, DC392-4 tend to choose spouse like parent, 111-114 unconditional love in, B09Apr14 unity in, B10Apr09 unspoken rules, DC45 veto in, B03Sep09 victimhood in, RLV152-4 vows we might make in Real Love, B20Dec07D vows, what we hear, RL189, RLM 172, RLD 196, EWB 95, BWB104, BWB 316 we make promises we can’t fulfill, BWB316 when, RLD 182-6 why bother, RLD 197-8 why disappointment and anger greater in, RLD 195-7, EWB 415, BWB431 why most of get involved in, BWB104, BWB431 why we get married, RL55-6, EWB95, EWB415 why we get married with Real Love, RLD 121-2 why we get married without enough Real Love, RLD 122-3 without Real Love foolish, RLD 181-2 Marilyn, EWB343-4, BWB373 Marriage vows, Real Love, B20Dec07D Marriott, RLW175, RLW203, RLW309 Marsha, RLP283-4 Masturbation, RLP396 Math: do the, DC129-133 of love, B06Aug14 Matt, EWB405-9, EWB419, BWB423-7, BWB435-7 Matthew, PCSD 341-5 Maul, RL38-40, RLWM82 Maul and ax, BWB186-7 Mayo, Elton, RLW20 McClellan, B21Apr14 McCormick, RLW3 “Me-me-me” the message of disappointment and anger, RLV13 RLD6, RLD37, PCSD 7-8, RLW16 Mean, being sometimes needed, B09Nov11 Mean to, I didn’t, insufficient, B15Apr11, B21May14 Meaning:


created by accountability, RLW303 created by establishing values, RLW206-8 created by loving behavior, RLW208 created by sense of ownership, RLW298 great motivation for performance, RLW41-3, RLW105, RLW206-8, RLW286-7 injured by various factors, RLW208 leaders supply for those they lead, RLW206-8, RLW286-7 need for, RLW206-8 sense of leads to profitability, RLW286-7 Measurements, happiness, B02Mar15 Media: addiction, B17Aug11 control of in children, B17Aug11 negative effects of, B13Apr16 Meditation: exercise, B7Nov06, EWB51-5, BWB59 feeling loved, RLW13-14 Meetings, see Family Meetings Megan, B19Jun07, B06Feb12, RLP317-9, RLP325-7 Megan Meier, B04Dec07 Melanie, RLD 163-6, PCSD 319-24 Melissa, EWB297-8, BWB335-6 Memory: affected by how much an event affects us, B13Jun11 affected by perspectives, PCSD 78-87, PCSD 92-5 effect on present, PCSD 30, PCSD 183-4 false or repressed,RLV112-15 muscle, B30Apr12 nature of, PCSD 25-30 of childhood distorted, PCSD 92-5 recurrent in PTSD, PCSD 49-54 recurrent in PCSD, PCSD 181-4 role in PTSD, PCSD 25-30 role in PCSD, PCSD 92-5 unreliable, PCSD 95 Men: communication less between, B25Feb07 fears of, B25Feb07 nature of, DC173-175 need RL just like women, DC12 power and, DC247-249 Men-women, differences: compared, RLD 51-3 compared as to interest in Real Love, RLD 51-2 compared as to use of Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLD 52 compared as to use of Imitation Love, RLD 52


emotional responses, DC12 explained, DC175, DC370expressing emotions, DC12 Imitation Love trading, DC495 in how they love, DC370-4 in Imitation Love, DC373-4, DC495 in Real Love, DC370-4 share need for Real Love, RLD 51-3 Men’s room protocol, DC173-175, B25Feb07 Mental illness: telling truth about, DC489, RLM 165-66 Meringue, B18Jan13 Metrics, new world, B02Mar15 Michael, RLP133-4, RLP270, RLP381-3, RLD 17-21, EWB291, BWB330 Michelle, RLP368-9 Mid-life crisis, EWB103, BWB112-14 Middle, caught in, RLM 150-52 Mike, RLP46-7, RLP53, RLP190-2 Mila, EWB437-40, BWB 447-51 Milgram, Stanley, PCSD 100-101, PCSD 130-31 Milking the bull, EWB 279-81, BWB315-16 Million dollars, see Two Dollars Mirror, and hose, B11Mar15 Misbehavior, see “Bad” behavior Miracles: examples, B01Aug16 follow our efforts, B09Nov16 gratitude for, B01Aug16 prayers for, B09Nov16 vs. magic, DC178, B09Nov16 Miscalibration, B09Jul12 Missing ingredient, RLD 2-3, RLD 5, RLD 12 Mistakes: admit and correct quickly, B18Mar07A, B03Jun11, B20Jun11, B28Jun11 allow for occasional without consequences, RLP343 as wise man, RLWM 17-18, RLWM 45 awareness of is the key, B20Feb12, B23Jun14 children need to be loved while making, RLP146-7 consequences severe sometimes, RL228-9 create environment where people can make, RLW214-16 deadly if we don’t see them, B21Mar11, B20Jun11 denying, cost of, RLW65 denying responsibility for, RLW66 don’t admit what you didn’t make, BWB286 don’t define us, B30Dec11 don’t make us bad, B03Jun08, B28Feb11, B30Dec11, B07Nov12, RL67


don’t make us garbage, B30Dec11 easier to correct while small, B27Jun16 easy to see, RLWM 139 eliminating with practice, DC378-80, B23Jun14 fear of, B21Apr14 fear of deadly, B14Nov16 foolish to feel guilty and shame about, B21Nov06A freedom of admitting, DC27, B18Mar07A, B20Jun11, B28Jun11 goal to avoid without losing benefit of learning, RLW287-8 grow from, B28Feb11, B20Jun11, B28Jun11, B20Jul11, B31Dec12 guilt for, see Guilt hiding, doomed to repeat, DC27 identify limits of our ability to love, *B20Dec07C importance of accepting people while they make, RLW199, RLW212-16 inconvenience us, RLW 97-8 inconvenience other people, RL249 inevitable in process of learning and growing, BWB181, BWB294 information, DC155, B20Dec07C, B21Nov06A, B20Dec07C, B20Jun11, B28Jun11, B20Jul11 judging by Victim Factor, RLV141-2 just make and learn from, B23May14, B23Jun14 just need to see them and learn from them, EWB415, BWB164, BWB1789, BWB294, BWB427 learn from, DC118, DC155, DC287-290, B21Nov06A, *B24Jan07, B20Jun11, B28Jun11, B24May12, B23May14, RL155 learning involves, RLWM 17-18,RLWM 91-2 less important than fearlessness, B14Nov16 letting go of our own, DC217 make and learn from, B09Sep16 make lots, RLW 216 mean nothing in presence of Real Love, B11Jul12 misconceptions about, RLW213-14 more common with anger, RLW101-2 must be allowed to make our own, RL248-9 necessary to learning and growth, RLP266, RLW213-15 no need to point out when child already sees, RLP146, RLP171-2 not intentional, B23Jun14 not mistakes if we learn from them, RLW214-15 not worthless because of, DC493-4, B03Jun08, B30Dec11 not written in stone, B24May12 of others not our business, RLV211 other people’s are none of our business, BWB426, BWB451 perspective on, B21Nov06A, B20Dec07C pile up if not admitted, B18Mar07A purpose of, B21Nov06A price of leadership training, RLW210


price of learning, *DC287-290, B20Dec07C, B28Feb11, B31Dec12, RLV140-41, RLW21016 questions to ask when people make, RLW213 reaction to, Real Love vs. conditional, RLV12-14 required for growth, B20Dec07C resolving not to make not enough, B14Apr14 repeat when don’t see, 152-3 responding to more productively, RLW214-16 responsible for, RLWM 91-3 see them and learn from them, RLP129, RLP145, RLW213-15, RLW226 seeing them and feeling loved leads to decreasing them, RLP177, RLP276, RLW226, RLW258-9 seeing them helps prevent, 152-3, 155, 163 stopping children from making not always wise, RLP170, RLP262-3, RLP265 telling people about with love, 155 telling truth about, B12Feb07 telling truth about while small, B03Jun11, B20Jun11, B28Jun11 trusting people while they make, RLW 210-13, RLW226 unavoidable, RLP169, RLP189-90, RLP199, RLP265, RLV140-41, RLW97, RLW213-14, B18Mar15 unavoidable as we make choices, RLWM 17-18, RLWM 91-2 unavoidable as we learn, DC27, DC160, B21Nov06A, B03Jun08, B24May12, B21Apr14 unavoidable as we make choices and learn to love, RL142, RL151-2, RL161, RL162-4, RL248-9 unavoidable if we were taught wrong, B23Jun14 victims want to punish people for, RLV140-42 when we make, we tend to respond with guilt and being right, RLP188-9 why we deny, B03Jun08 why we stop children from making, RLP265 willingness to make is key to growth, B21Apr14 worse with fear and guilt, B06Aug14 Moderation, not needed, B20Apr16 Molly, PCSD 24 Momentum, B19May14 Money: combinations of Imitation Love received from, RLW 52 in bank, RL117-18, RL172-3, RL179 teaching children about, RLP 379-81 used to get praise and power, RL19-20 Moneyball, B17Jul12 Monkey, babies, B23Nov16 Monsters: PCSD 314-15 danger of labeling people as, B9Nov06 disadvantages of labeling people as, RLV314-17 examples of, B9Nov06 Hussein, Saddam, example of, B9Nov06


we love our, B9Nov06 without Real Love, identifying easy, RLV176-7 why we label people as, B9Nov06, RLV314-15 More: is less, B06Aug14 not necessarily better, B14Jul14 Morphine, lessens incidence of PTSD, PCSD 110-11 Mother: terrible, B10Mar08 yelling at another driver, DC420 Mother’s love, myth of, DC161, DC502 Motivation: anger poor tool in, RLW 225-6 faith in people great source of, RLW297-8 figuring out, B06Jan16 hope good, B02Sep16 loving slower but best, RLW225-6 meaning an excellent, RLW41-3, RLW105 mixed for any given behavior, RLW196 mixed, DC11, EWB421, BWB437 more important than behavior, B06Jan16 need for questionable, RLW224, RLW296-8 our assumptions about people when we talk about, RLW224 ownership great source of, RLW298 Real Love vs. emptiness and fear, RLW248 without anger, B15Oct12 work itself a good, RLW41-3, RLW105 Motorola, RLW3 Mountain: carrying, B02Dec15 climbing wrong, B30Nov16 skiing down, B27Apr16 Mountain climbing: metaphor for life, DC88, B15Jul11, B21Nov14, EWB17, BWB333, B28Sep15 sometimes best in difficult conditions, B15Jul11 with or without extra load, RLD 106-8 with pack on back, metaphor for life with relationship, DC88 Mouse, let love move, B01Jun15 Move, just, B09Sep16 Mr. Fine and Mr. Whine, RLV206-7 MRI, fear of, B05Sep12 Mt. Everest, shivering, B05Nov12 Mud and roots, B06Jun14 Mud prince, B4Dec06 Mule, RLWM 111-12 Multi-tasking, effects of, B13Apr16


Munchausen syndrome, RLV115 Munchausen syndrome by proxy, RLV116 Music: lies in, B14Jan13 victimhood in, B14Jan13 Muscles: building, B18Jan16 emotional, B18Jan16 growth of compared to growth of Real Love, BWB322-3, BWB331-2 wasting, B18Jan16 Mussels, B22Aug12 Mutual loving, see Loving, mutual My story, RLxi-xiii, My truth, B12Sep14 My way, B04Aug14 Nagging: effects of DC20, B24Dec12 reasons for, B24Dec12 Nail: hammering, metaphor of, RLD 3 in head, B28Aug15 Nails, fastening boards, B04Apr16 Naked, emotionally, B10Aug15 Nancy, RLP280-1 Narrows, The, B19Oct15 Natalie, RLP234-5 Nathan, RLP370-1 Natural man: can’t receive things of the Spirit, BWB 95, BWB98, BWB229-30 death of necessary, BWB22 defined, BWB95, BWB125 enjoys Imitation Love, BWB98 Near death experiences, B24Sep12 Neediness: addressing, B18Apr14 intimidation of, B19Sep14 unavoidable, B18Apr14 Needle fishing, B13Jan12 Needs: motivation dangerous, B02Sep16 vs. wants, DC361-2, B20Dec13, PCSD 358-61, RLV255-6 Negative things, telling truth about, RLWM 112-14, RLWM 195 Negative reinforcement, RLW217-18 Negativity, responding to, DC317-8 Neighbors:


dealing with, DC25 difficult, responding to, DC279-281 New planet, moving to, B17Jul15, B10Oct16 New Year’s resolutions, B20Dec07B Newspaper late, DC16 Next right thing, exercises to help us commit to, RLWM 279-83 Next step, B28Sep16 Nick, BWB172-3 Nicole, RLP197-9 Nigger: freedom from chains of the word, DC126-127 No, saying, DC391, B11Apr11, B07May14 confusing to children if we don’t mean it, RLP254 examples, DC11, B07May14 not too often, RLP254, RLP287 parents afraid of, B11Apr11 to fear, thoughts, anger, B24Sep14 without anger, DC11 “No,” meaning of, B30Nov15 No fear, anger, confusion, and past, B02Mar15, B15Jul15 Noise: become accustomed to familiar, B21May14 responding to, DC279-281 so much, why, B07Jul14 Non-verbal communication, RLWM 132- 3, RLWM 134-5 Noon-verbal communication, RLM 91 Nordstrom, RLW211 Normal, not healthy, B21Jan11 Notes, less important than music, B14Nov16 Now: enjoying, B04Jul14, B08Apr16 growth in, B04Jul14 happiness, B08Apr16 living in, B08Apr16 living in by letting go of pain, B21Feb14 living in by letting go of past and future, B21Feb14 love felt in, B30May11, B21Feb14 making requests in, B11Jun14 not living in, B26Feb14 stay in, B30May11, B04Jan13, B28Dec13, B21Feb14, B11Jun14, B04Jul14 what happening in, B21Feb14 Numbness, and PTSD, PCSD 56-7 Nut grass, B09Dec08 Oak, cutting down, B27Jan16 Obedience: needed by children, but for their benefit, not ours, RLP68


parents take from children as power, RLP35-6, RLP68 sometimes necessary, RLP285-7 Obligation: makes Real Love impossible, B24Mar08 prison of, B24Mar08, B24Nov11 Observation: loving, B26Sep14 of feelings, B26Sep14 Obstacles: to happiness, removing, B30Mar12, B06Jun14 to happiness, zero tolerance for, B20Jun14 Ocean, alone in middle, attempt at rescue by ship and experienced captain (faith metaphor), EWB231, BWB263-4 Odd, each of us is, B10Jul15 Offended (offense): eliminated when we don’t take it personally, B21Jan13 eliminated when we realize people don’t see us, B21Jan13 eliminated when we trust people doing best, B24Dec13 justifications for, B05Nov08 learning to avoid, B05Nov08 limiting, B07Jan15 or deaf, B11Feb13 people like to be, B05Nov08 real reasons for, B05Nov08, B21Jan13 Ohia lehua, B24Jan12 Oil change metaphor, B18May11, EWB 387, BWB408 Okay: lie of, B28Oct16 meaning of , B07Dec15 real meaning of, B19Dec11 One look, reveals our pain, B22Jan16, B01Jun16 Open-minded, vs. self-conscious, B21Mar12 Opera singer, B11May15 Opinions, of others worthless if blind, B21Mar12 Opinions, of others usually worthless, B13May15 Opportunities: often inconspicuous, B19Sep11 take advantage of now, B19Sep11 Optimism, dangers of, RLW141 Ordinate, relabeling, B29Aug11 Organ: metaphor, B12Sep11 playing, B12Jan15 Organized, being can have different motivations, B06Jan16 Orphanage, loss of infants in, RLD 4-5 Orphans, BWB 36


Orwell, George, RLW120 Other people, not caring about opinions of, DC388-91 Ounce of effort applied toward self is better than ton applied toward others, EWB211, EWB293, BWB247, BWB332 Over and over, B27Apr16 Over-reacting, B17Jun15 Ownership: faith in people leads to, RLW 298 motivation from, RLW298 productivity higher with, RLW298 Ox, and butterfly, B24Jun16 Pacifier, temporary solution, B10Aug16 Package, whole, B14Aug15 Paige, PCSD 303-4 Pain: addiction to, B22Aug14 addictions response to, B28Oct15 affects memory, B13Jun11 allowing to pass, B16Jan13 attitude toward a choice, RLV185-7 avoiding unproductive, B13Jul11, B04Apr11, B06Apr11, B04Apr12, B10May12, B01Jun12, B26Nov12, B16Jun14 based on lies, B09Jul14 based on past, B21Feb14 become accustomed to, B21May14 benefits of, B10May12, B22Aug14 blaming natural result, DC426-7 blessings of, B24Dec07, B06Apr11 blinding, B15Jul16 blinds us, B13Apr11, B10May12 cancer, B04Jun14 caused by lack of Real Love, PCSD 72-3 caused by lies, B09Jul14 causes of, B10May12, B04Jun14,B09Jul14, PCSD 110-11, causes selfishness, B09Dec11, B19Jan13, PCSD 72-8, RLV 54 choice, B21Sep11, B10May12 decreasing automatic, B16Jun14 depends on our perspective, B26May08 diluting, B07Jan14 distorts our perspectives, B21Feb14 distorts our reason, B26Feb14 distorts who we are, B08Jul15 does not define who we are, B09Dec11 easier to tolerate when we know when it will end, DC162 effects of, B10May12, B04Jun14 eliminating, DC146-148


eliminating can be bad, **DC146-148, B06Apr11 eliminating with Real Love, B07Jan14 enduring, B12Aug16 enduring to achieve real solution, B10Aug16 everywhere in others, B13Sep12 face it, don’t avoid it, B13Jul11, B01Jun12 fear greatest cause of, B05Sep12 feeling instead of medicating, B28Oct15 feel it, B28Oct15 felt differently by giver and receiver, B25Feb12 focus on is unproductive, DC252-256 focusing on, B29Jun16 goal not to avoid all, B21Oct15 identifying, B04Jun14 increased by victimhood, RLV165 influenced by perception, RLV165 information, B13Jul11, B10May12 intolerable, B19Jan13 justification for victimhood, 5 RLV4, RLV70 learn from, DC118-119, B18Mar07B, B24Dec07, B19Feb14 learning opportunity, a, RLV185-7 less is not happiness, B05Oct12 letting go of, B12Aug15 looking for in others, B28May12, B13Sep12 makes it hard to remember principles, B13Apr11 makes us crazy, B21Feb14 makes us teachable, DC115, B24Dec07 minimizing, see avoiding motivator, B28Oct15 must be willing to endure to find Real Love, B12Aug16 must go through for healing, B04Apr11 must look for, B28May12 necessary for growth, B04Apr11 necessary vs. not, B19Feb14 not minding, B26Nov12 not necessarily to be avoided, RLV185-7 not obvious often, B28May12 not who we are, B09Dec11 often hidden, B28May12 often necessary part of change, EWB 217, EWB227-9, BWB251-2, BWB260-1 origin, B05Jun15 perceived differently by giver and receiver, B25Feb12 price we pay for the Law of Choice, RLV55 principles hard to remember when in, B13Apr11 protecting children from not always wise, RLP262-3 rarely about event in front of us, B04Jun14


reacting to eliminates choice, B02May12 reaction to involuntary and complete, RLV 85-6 reaction to makes us insane, PCSD 74 reflex to, B17Jun15 relief, consequences, B01Jun12 relief from blinds us to real problems, B10May12, B14May12, B01Jun12, B05Oct12, B19Jan13, B16Jun14 relief not happiness, B05Oct12, B19Jan13 response to, DC299-300, B09Dec11, B01Jun12, B19Jan13, PCSD 72-4, PCSD 85-6 response to in children, B23Mar11 responsibility for in others, B13Sep12 rewards of, B22Aug14 role of, DC146-148 see Wounds short and long term, B04Apr11 sources of everywhere, RLV54-5, RLV185 start over, B12Aug15 subject of any conversation with frustration, DC416-7 teacher, B21Oct15 temporary, B16Jan13 treating alone avoids treating cause, B10May12, B01Jun12 treating alone leads to spiral of disability, B10Sep12 treating real cause, PCSD 72-4 unavoidable, B26Nov12 unavoidable consequence of Law of Choice, RLV 185 unavoidable in relationships, B07Feb11 understanding vs healing, B29Jun16 unnecessary sometimes, B19Feb14 used to, B21May14 useful sometimes, B19Feb14 value of, B10May12 we are not our, B29Jun16 we do anything to decrease,DC4, B01Jun12 worshiping, B29Jun16 Paint, mixing blue and yellow, RLD 96-7 Painting, composed of individual strokes, B20May11 Palestine, and conflict with Israel, RLV179 Pancakes, B15Aug16 Papaya, cure for scurvy, B21Oct16 Parachute, from plane, B20Aug14 Parenting: accepting children, DC010, DC28 adult children, DC196-197, DC208-210, DC439-41, DC498-500, B23Oct2006, B31Oct14 agreement of parents in, DC81-83 allowing children choices as they understand consequences, EWB389, EWB439, BWB410, BWB448-9


always about Real Love, BWB448-9 anger makes loving parenting impossible, EWB369, BWB295 attacking, DC8 bad, examples, B26Aug15 bad behavior children, meaning, DC6, DC8 behaviors that hurt children, B27Jun11 Biblical references to BWB295-6 can’t give what we don’t have, EWB371, BWB396 can’t teach without loving, BWB447-8 cardinal rule of, EWB262, BWB295 children fighting, DC6, DC7, DC8, DC9, DC010 children’s idea of loving, EWB425, BWB439 children’s self-esteem, DC48 choice, giving, B30Mar15 confidence essential, B14Nov14 confidence in, B10Feb12, B14Nov14 consequences and, B23Apr14 consequences, purpose of, EWB269-70, EWB395 consequences in, EWB267-9, EWB377, EWB395, EWB440, B11Apr16 consequences vs. punishments, EWB267, EWB395 consistency, B14Nov14 consistent effort required, B22Jul11, B12Nov12 contracts with children, B28Nov08 control, DC6, B03Aug11 controlling children communicates lack of faith, EWB389, BWB410 controlling children, effects of, EWB439 controlling children eliminates opportunities to learn, RL217-19 controlling children violates Law of Choice, EWB389 controlling vs. permissiveness, RL216 courage required, DC500, B06Feb12, B10Feb12 critically important, B05Feb16 difficult, B30Mar15 difficult when teaching children about life and love, B14Sep11 discipline and, RL215-16 discomfort required, B29Apr15 disobedient children, EWB368-79, BWB393-4 effects of anger, DC7. DC8, DC36, B01Jun11 effects of approval and disapproval, DC7, DC28, DC35 effort required, B22Jul11 enabling children, B15Sep14 everything easier with Real Love, BWB455 evidence that we’re loving children, BWB294-5 evidence that we’re not loving children, BWB295-7 example of Real Love interaction, DC010 examples, B23Mar11 examples of bad, B07Oct16


expectations of children, DC34 faith in children inspires them, EWB423, BWB438 firm, loving, B18Apr11 foundation of, DC81-83 good a result of loving and teaching, RL212-13 harm not intended, DC8 homework, EWB440 how we teach our children to fight, EWB371, BWB395 indulging, B26Aug15 Law of Choice and, BWB450 learned, RLP95-6 learning about, EWB265, EWB363 learning how to love, DC141-143 listening and, B16Dec11 love first, then everything else, EWB439-40, BWB294,BWB 448 love and teach, DC010, *DC84-86, DC141-143, B18Apr11, B31Oct14 love unconditionally, helps with peer pressure, DC13 loving and teaching the key, BWB294, BWB439 loving children means teaching them to feel loved, loving, responsible, EWB 425, BWB 439 loving children means to care about their genuine happiness, BWB 439 loving one way, DC465 loving without teaching is harmful, BWB 430 mama’s boy, DC21 must get loved first, DC8, DC28 need to increase children’s choices as they understand consequences, BWB410 need to teach children independence, EWB389, BWB410 never speak while angry, DC9 no training required, B17Mar14 not legal contest, B28Nov08 not taught to most of us, RLP95-6 not technique, RLP95 not middle ground between controlling and permissiveness, DC141, B18Apr11 not permissive, B23Oct 06, B11Apr11, B18Apr11 one-way flow of love, parent to child, EWB391-3, BWB412-14 overprotecting, B07Oct16 permissive harmful, B11Apr11, B27Jun11 permissive not effective, BWB 450 protecting children often not good, B04Apr12 provide safety with firm love, B18Apr11 punishments in, EWB273 purpose of, DC35, DC36 Real Love in, examples, EWB257-62, BWB290-4 Real Love required, B07Sep12 rescuing children, effects of, EWB423, see Rescuing rescuing teaches children they are incompetent, EWB423 responsibility to love children, DC36, B23Oct2006


responsibility to teach children life, B14Sep11, B09Nov11, B23Apr14 saves lives, B05Feb16 saying no can be loving, EWB395, BWB414 see Anger, “I don’t love you” is the message spoiling, B15Sep14, B07Oct16 teach by example, DC8 teaching, BWB295-6 teaching by example, BWB302 teaching children about anger, B23Jul14 teaching children about choice, B06Feb12, B23Jul14 teaching children about controlling, B23May11 teaching children about fear, B23Jul14 teaching children about life, B14Sep11 teaching children about sex, DC190-191 teaching children not to be victims, BWB411-12 teaching children Real Love, DC010, DC150-151, B14Sep11, B23Jul14 teaching children responsibility, DC84-86, DC141-143, B09Aug11 teaching children with consequences, see Consequences teaching disobedient children, EWB368-79, BWB393 teaching irresponsible children, EWB368-79, BWB401-2 teaching responsibility, B30Mar15, B07Oct16 telling the truth about our flaws in, EWB371-7, BWB396 test for whether we’re loving our children, BWB294-5 trading with children, B28Nov08, B21Jan11 training for is lousy, EWB377-8 training not required, B17Mar14 training should be required, B07Sep12 truth telling, DC9, B06Feb12 understanding a child’s needs, DC7 understanding fighting among children, EWB369-70, BWB395 use principles, not controlling, DC143 using Real Love, DC9 violating the law of choice with children, EWB389, BWB410 what bad behavior means, DC6, DC8 whining, reason for, EWB391, BWB411-12 without feeling loved, children can’t learn, BWB448-9 wrong to expect love from children, EWB391-3 Parents: admitting that they do NOT love their children unconditional is the first step to take, DC141, B23Oct 06, B10Mar08 afraid of their children’s disapproval, B11Apr11 arguing, DC55 attached to belief that they love their children, EWB262, EWB373, BWB294 believe they are loving, PCSD 75, PCSD 78-9 blaming of unproductive, PCSD 294, PCSD 308 blaming vs. understanding, DC13, RL11, EWB59


can’t give what they don’t have, EWB371, BWB396 can’t love just because they are, DC161 cause anger and rebellion of children, FSG cause Getting and Protecting Behaviors of their children for life, RL147-8 cause of problems in children, DC319-20, B23Oct 06, B17Jan07, 16Nov07, B09Aug11, B09Nov11 cause PCSD, PCSD 20 change rules on children by implementing Real Love, B09Aug11 children loving, DC221-224 communicate “I don’t love you” with disappointment and anger, EWB262-3, BWB295 comparison of one with the other, PCSD 104 contribute to the whining of their children, EWB391, BWB412-14 controlling, DC6, DC30, B03Aug11, B08Jun12 controlling, why, DC6 cripple children by too much “giving”, DC361-2, B23Oct 06, B09Aug11 defending love of, RL12-13 define world for children, DC323, B01Apr11, B03May11, B17Feb12 deny mistakes, B27Jun11 desire to control children, DC344-8 determine our view of world, RL120, RL147-8 determine way children respond rest of their lives, B01Apr11, B03May11 didn’t get Real Love, RL 11-12, EWB59-61, BWB68-9, BWB396 disagreements between about children, RLP383-5 disappointment at children, effect of, RL147-8 do the best they can, RL11-12, RL33, RLP16 don’t know how to love children, PCSD 84-5, PCSD 108 don’t love children, DC30, B23Oct 06 don’t love children unconditionally, EWB55-9, EWB262-7, BWB 64-8 effect on, RL147-8 effects on children, B09Aug11, B17Feb12 expect love from their children, EWB391-3, BWB412-13 fail to love only because they were not loved themselves, PCSD 108, RLW 17 follow example of their parents, 16Nov07 get Imitation Love from children, RL213-4 getting power from children, DC149-151, B08Jun12 giving children too much, B09Aug11 gratitude for, B08Jan16 hostages of children, B11Apr11, B09Aug11 how to talk to children, B23Oct 06 hurt children by being controlling, B27Jun11 hurt children by being offended, B27Jun11 hurt children by being right, B27Jun11 hurt children by not saying no, B23Oct2006 hurt children by teaching wrong beliefs, B17Feb12 hurt children unintentionally, PCSD 12-13, PCSD 84-5, PCSD 91-2, PCSD 102-3, PCSD 308, PCSD 348


hurting children for power, DC149-151 influence on children, 16Nov07 innately want to love children, PCSD 102-3 love children sometimes, PCSD 101-4 love more when children “good”, DC7, EWB55-9,EWB 393, BWB64-8 loving children, see Loving making children responsible for their happiness, RLP30 manipulating children for Imitation Love, DC315-6, RLP70, RLP79-86 manipulate children for praise, RLP79-81 most important job to love children, DC35, DC36 most not loved themselves as children, RLP96-7 must admit mistakes in not loving children, PCSD 101 must be loved first by other adults, EWB371-73, BWB396 must tell truth about themselves, B10Mar08 must be loved first, DC8, DC36 need Real Love before they can give it, RL11-12, RL33, RL214-15 need for children’s love, RLP69 need for contacting other adults to get loved, RLP128-31 no blaming of, DC319-20, EWB371, BWB396 not responsible for happiness of older children, RLP352 not prepared for their responsibilities, RLP22-3, RLP95-6 not technique, EWB375, BWB398 older, care of, B25Nov15 older, giving advice to, DC265-266, B25Nov15 often don’t love unconditionally, DC74, DC75 prepared poorly for the job, EWB377-8, BWB401, BWB455 protecting children sometimes unwise, DC270-271 puzzled by children’s behavior, B27Jun11 require children to love them, EWB391-3, BWB 412-13 responsible for happiness of children, RL215, RL218-19 responsible for unhappiness of children, RL11-14, RL214-16 responsible for loving their children, B23Oct2006 responsible for our judgments and Getting and Protecting Behaviors, EWB408, BWB426-7 responsible to love and teach, RLP125 responsibilities, three, RLP25, RLP125, RLP352 responsibility for behavior of children, DC407 responsible for happiness of children early in life, RLP2, RLP15-16, RLP17, RLP21-2, RLP96, RLP99-100, RLP132, RLP351 role in healing wounded children, PCSD 294-5, PCSD 319-24 speaking negatively to children about other parent, DC419-21 take responsibility from their children inappropriately, BWB401-2 taking responsibility for children, freedom of, RLP23 taking responsibility for children’s unhappiness simply most effective choice, RLP21-2, RLP3 take responsibility from their children inappropriately, EWB 377-8 teach by example, DC8 teach children combination of Imitation Love that they seek rest of their lives, B28Mar11,


B09Aug11 teach children Getting and Protecting Behaviors, B09Aug11 teach children how world is, PCSD 68-72, PCSD 165 teach children life, B23Apr14 teach children their concept of self-esteem, DC93, B23Apr14 teach children to behave badly, B29Sep14 teach children to buy Imitation Love, EWB 277-81, BWB 412-14 teach children view of whole world, B28Mar11, B09Aug11, B23Apr14 teaching and loving, RL215-16 tell truth about themselves to adults and children for different reasons, BWB 400 telling truth about not being loving, EWB 265-7, EWB371-7, BWB396-400 test for whether they’re loving, EWB262-3 trade Imitation Love with their children, BWB400 trading with children, B28Nov08 train children like dogs, B29Sep14 train children to behave badly, B03Dec11, B23Apr14, B29Sep14 truth telling to child, B27Jan12 understanding ours important, PCSD 165-6 unfair with children, B09Aug11 use children for Imitation Love, BWB437 using child as pawn, DC55 using children for Imitation Love, DC315-6, B11Apr11 we find marriage partner like our, B28Mar11 what to say to children when wrong, B23Oct 06 why they don’t love their children, DC352 Paris, exists without seeing it, DC119 Parker, RLP81-2 Part, plane, B02Nov15 Partner: cannot change, DC59 condition, ask, B07Oct15 criteria for choosing, RLD 103-16, RLD 117-19, RLD 191-5 criteria for choosing is different from criteria for unconditional loving, RLD 23-4, RLD 1038, RLD 121-3 criteria not to use in choosing, RLD 116-17, RLD 191-2 definition, BWB278 exclusive, our belief in necessity of, BWB388 finding right not as important as preparing to be right, RLD 182 finding, secondary goal, DC497 for men and women in choosing, RLD 116 looking for, selfishness of, RLD 104 most important qualities to look for, RLD 192-5 perfect, defined, RLD 190-2 qualities RLD 1-10, RLD 192 qualities not to look for, B31Oct06, B09Sep11 qualities to look for, DC226, B09Sep11, B07Mar12


quality to look for, BWB437 standards for, B07Mar12 test for finding, RLD 193-4 things in common, DC226 with children, RLD 154 Partners: contribute to the whole, B24Jun16 not same but synergistic, B24Jun16 synergistic, not same, B24Jun16 Partnership: commitment in, B31Mar14 definition, B09Dec15 different roles in, B05Mar14 imperfection in, B31Mar14 in marriage, B03Sep09, B05Mar14 how, B09Dec15 no contention, B09Dec15 unconditional love in, B09Apr14 Passagio, B25 Nov12 Past: affects way we behave in the present, RL15-17, RL120 aware of effect of is useful, RL12, RL14 changing, DC94 dwelling on is unproductive, RL12 effect on present, B12Oct16 feelings about change with understanding, RLP127-32 letting go of, DC217, DC354, B02May12 lies of imprison us, B02May12 no, B15Jul15 Real Love changes, RL120-22 repeating, B26Feb14 stuck in, B21Feb14, B26Feb14 Path in woods, metaphor, RLP350-1, RLWM 74-6, PCSD 268-9, RLV 309-10 Patience, problems with concept of,RLP115 Patricia, RLP142-4, RLP197-9 Patterns: doomed to repeat until we see them, RLD 24-5 old, strong, B29Jul16 Paula, RLP344-5, RLP378 Patterns, changing, B08Aug14 Patterson, Floyd, B31Dec12 Patton, George, PCSD 171 Pay with whole lives for whatever reward we get, B14Apr12 PCSD: age of onset, PCSD 177-8 avoidance in, PCSD 186-7


cause of, PCSD 18-19, PCSD 20, PCSD 177-8, PCSD 222 confused with PTSD, 199-202 contributing factors, PCSD 188-92 definition, PCSD 77-8, PCSD 173-4 diagnosis, PCSD 19 dissociation, PCSD 287-8 emotional upset in, 185-6 examples, PCSD 78-87, 199-202, see Rachel, Taylor, Elaine, Jared, Karen, Margie, Lewis flashbacks, hallucinations in, PCSD 184-5 hyper-excitement in, PCSD 187 in workplace, PCSD 259-64, PCSD 355-7 not everyone gets, PCSD 194-5 numbing in, PCSD 186-7 perpetuation of with Imitation Love, PCSD 111-12 physical symptoms in, PCSD 185-6, PCSD 187 preset of who we are, PCSD 68 prevention, PCSD 305-6 recurrent dreams in, PCSD 184 recurrent memories in, PCSD 181-4 responding to in those who do want to learn, PCSD 361-3 responding to in those who do not want to learn, PCSD 354-61 responding to in ourselves and others, PCSD 353-63 re-experiencing in, PCSD 181-86 relation to PTSD, PCSD 3-17, PCSD 21, PCSD 212-25 similarities to PTSD, PCSD 180-8, PCSD 188-92 stress in, PCSD 187-8 treatment of, see PCSD Treatment triggers in, PCSD 185-6, PCSD 187-8, PCSD 355-6 understanding, power of, PCSD 20 PCSD treatment: effect, PCSD 16-17 examining elements of, PCSD 229-34 examples, see Jared, Karen, Lewis, Rachel, Taylor, Margie, Isaac, Kyle, Holly, Helen, Matthew, Deborah goals, PCSD 289-91 healing in, elements of, PCSD 229-34 in children, PCSD 305-6 parental role in, PCSD 294-5, PCSD 319-24 principles of, PCSD 221-306 rationale, PCSD 285-9 Real Love, PCSD 16-17 similarities to PTSD treatment, PCSD 234-5 summary, PCSD 288-9 teaching in, PCSD 270-71 treatment of, examples, PCSD 16-17 two pillars of, PCSD 216-18, PCSD 229-34, PCSD 234-5, PCSD 285-9


we all must know, PCSD 217-18, PCSD 218-20 Peace: beyond understanding, BWB257 choosing, B16May11, B20May11 from eliminating anger with Real Love, DC3 from God, BWB 63, BWB95, BWB212,BWB 256 from individual preparation, not treaties, B05Nov08, B20May11 from love, BWB63, BWB289 from Real Love, RLW12-14 God’s invitation to, BWB24, BWB63 islands of in world, B24Jan12 world, how, B20May11 Peacock-swan story, RLD 71-2 Peanut allergy, B11Jan12, B14May14 Peanuts, BWB131 Pediatrics, difficulties of, B15Apr16 Peer pressure: buying approval not Real Love, DC14, cause of, DC14, PCSD 100-101, EWB367, BWB393 finding acceptance, being yourself, rewards of,DC14 learned by children from parents, RLP31 responding to, DC303-5 solution for, DC14 People: accepting, RLW165-71 beautiful, all, B21Sep 12 differences in to be valued, not just tolerated, RLW 167-8 different, RLW142-9, RLW166-8 different leadership needs, questions to assess, RLW220-21 do their best, RLW238, RLW313 important to fi t to the right jobs, RLW142-9 natural desire to do what’s right, RLW297-8 need each other, B28Nov06, B12May14 “People are our most important asset”, only plaque on wall in most businesses, RLW2 questions to assess differences in, RLW143 some way more difficult than others, B20Jul11 tests to assess differences in, RLW142, RLW166 Perception: altered by emptiness and fear, B20Jan12 Perfect: how, B22Feb16 not as we are, B22Feb16 process that requires imperfection, B22Feb16 Perfection: inefficiency of, B06Nov15 price of, B06Nov15


Performance: affected by conflict, RLW5-7 affected by Real Love, RLW 3-4, RLW28 more than measurable numbers, RLW231-2, RLW234-6 questions to evaluate, RLW232-4 standards of, RLW227-9 unproductive responses to substandard, RLW229-30 without Real Love will not endure, RLW231-2 Permissiveness: examples, RLP195-6 manipulative, RLP195-6 not effective, RLP66, RLP136, RLP196 response to children’s Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP194-6 Perpetrator, PCSD 107-8 Perpetrator, victim’s need for, RLV 106-7 Persistence: required in pursuit of anything good, B25May11 rewards of, RLM 174-78 Personality, see People Perspective: broad, B22Aug16 changes with knowledge, RL15-17 choice, B08Jul16 created early in life, B15May15 determined by past experience, PCSD 68-72 determines how we see problems, B30Apr14 effect of, B28Sep16 eternal, B18Jun14 importance of, B02Jan15 larger gives us power, B26May08, B07Mar11, B30Apr14, B18Jun14 long, B07Mar11 needs to be replaced, B19Feb14 of world changes with trauma, PCSD 31-6 positive, B16Jan15 power of, *DC459-63, B07Mar11, B01Apr11, B28Nov11, B19Feb14, B30Apr14, B08Jul16 Peter Principle, RLW223 Petrified Forest, B12Oct15 Pharmacist, death, B24Feb16 Phil, RLP13-14 Philip, RLP190-2 Phillipe, Ryan, B31Oct06 Phone calls: how to make, RLWM 46-7 see Groups, contact with, frequent needed and Real Love, frequent needed Phone list:


create and keep available, EWB351, BWB382 importance of in finding Real Love, EWB351, BWB381 Photograph of food, compared to Imitation Love, RLD 71 Physical appearance, suggestions about, RLD 151-2 Physical fitness, compared to gaining ability to make loving choices, B22May08 Physical resources, supporting people with, RLW208-9 Physical strength, compared to growth of Real Love, BWB322-3, BWB331-2 Piano: can’t learn by being told only the wrong notes, B14Apr14 emotional keys of, B18Nov11 metaphor of, DC311-12, B14Apr14 playing more than learning individual notes, B22Jun11 Picture, big, B22Aug16 Pig, RL50-1 Pig, operating on, B10Dec12 Pin, cost, B02Nov15 Pit, climbing out of, B10Oct16 Pits, digging, B06Oct14 Plane, on fire, B20Aug14 Planet: living on new, B03Feb16 new, B03Feb16 old, gravity, B03Feb16 Real Love like moving to, B25Feb15 Planning, questions to ask in, RLW241-2 Planting, right place, B10Jul15 Planting seeds, metaphor, RLD 55, RLD 92-3 Plants, space needed for, B11Nov16 Play, the goal, not winning, B23Jan08 Pleasing people: dangers of, DC388-91, B30Jan12, B28Dec12 everyone impossible, B29May15 examples, DC388-91, B30Jan12, PCSD 345-52 exhausting, B29May15 how to stop, DC388-91, B30Jan12 lie of, B20Aug12 trap of, DC388-91, B30Jan12, B28Dec12 vs. caring about them, DC388-91, B30Jan12 Pleasure danger of, RLP34, RLW 51-2 distracts from feeling of being alone, RLP34 examples, RLP34, RLD 16, RLW51-2, EWB 83, BWB91 form of Imitation Love, PCSD 134, RLV15-16, BWB90-2 From sex, RLM 242 healthy, RLP37, RLW61 Imitation Love, RL21, RLM 11


in Real Love, RL23, EWB83-5 negative effects of, BWB92 parents use to make children happy, RLP34 test whether Imitation or not, EWB85, BWB92-3 PMS: insanity of, B16Jan13 Poem, Real Love, B07Nov14, B24Nov14, B28Nov14 Poison: anger is, B11Jan13 cure for pain, B11Jan13 failure to apply consequences, B11Apr16 Poke in the eye, B06Jul11 Policies: enforcing, DC241-242 making, DC241-242 Pool, man drowning in, RLM 31-3, see Drowning Poop, anger and, B14Oct15 Pooping, where and when, B14Oct15 Porcupine quills, B03Jul15 Pornography: addiction, DC77, RLWM 267-9 cause, DC77, DC78 treatment, DC77, DC78, DC79 Positive: focusing on, B28Apr11 Positive feedback: examples, RLW 46 characteristics, RLW47-8, RLW217-18 how to give, RLW217-18 Positive thinking vs. true thinking, PCSD 257-8 Postholes, digging, B28Jul12 Pothole, metaphor, DC365 Pots, need more, B14May12 Power: addiction, DC57, DC355, RLW50 being used for as children causes PCSD, PCSD 131-2 benefits of, RLV117, RLW48 benefits of, corrupting influence of using, PCSD 130-31 connection from, RLP32, RLW48 connection with others shallow, RLWM 27 demanding encourages lying and other Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP83-4 effect brief, RLD 15 examples, DC54, DC55, DC156-157, RL31-2, RLM 10, RLD 15, EWB 79-81, BWB87-8 examples of, as enjoyed by children, RLP32 examples of how we get, RLW48-50 explanation for “terrible twos,”RLP32-3


forms of, DC39, DC247-248, form of Imitation Love, PCSD 128-33, RLV 15, RLW48-51 from sex, RLM 241-42 getting by controlling children, RLP32 God’s view of people using, BWB 90 healthy, RLP37, RLW 61 Imitation Love, DC30, DC39, 20-1, RLM 10 in Real Love, DC3, RL23 knowledge can be a form of, BWB 88 negative effects of, RLW50-51 obedience a form of, RLP35-6 offered by Satan to Jesus, BWB86-7 parents manipulate children to get, RLP81-5 parents most common abusers of, RLP32 parents over children, EWB81-3, BWB89-90 parents teach children to use by example, RLP33 real, RLM 45, RLW108 respect and obedience forms of,RLP81-3 seductive form of Imitation Love, BWB86 use of causes PCSD, PCSD 132-3 using by imitation wise man, RLWM 27-8 victims manipulate people for RLV, 116-21 ways we get feeling of, BWB87 why children use, RLP32-3 why we use, RLD 15, PCSD 128-30 Practice: loving, B12Jan15 required for Real Love, B30Apr12 Prairie dogs, B23Mar15 Praise: acquiring is exhausting, PCSD 123 addiction, DC58, RLD 13-14, PCSD 114-15, PCSD 121-3 addiction to, RLW 38-9, EWB69-71, BWB78-9 avoiding dangers of, RLW 43-8 blinding, RLW 39-40 buying makes Real Love impossible, EWB 65-7, BWB74-5 can’t bring Real Love, V2 can’t make us genuinely happy, PCSD 115, PCSD 123 children don’t need, B09Mar11 children feel pressured to earn, PCSD 119-20 children first learn to earn from parents, RLP28, RLW 35 contribution to PCSD, PCSD 114-28 dangers of, RLP28-31, RLP245-6, RLW36-43 decreases confidence, PCSD 125 decreases creativity, RLW42 decreases learning, PCSD 125


decreases motivation and productivity, PCSD 125, PCSD 126 decreases our motivation and productivity, RLW 40-43 decreases our sense of meaning in our jobs, RLW41 decreases performance, RLW40-43 downside of, PCSD 113-28 earned, RLD 9-10, RLW38, EWB73-5 earning becomes too much work, PCSD 85-6 earning is lying, RLD 10-11 earning is natural but deadly, BWB82-4 effect, PCSD 12, PCSD 85-6, PCSD 112-28 effect brief, RLD 12-14, EWB 67-71, BWB77, BWB79-80 effects temporary and superficial, RLW36-7 emptiness of, B21Nov06B empty, RLP31 examples, RLWM 22-5 examples of needing or using, EWB63, EWB65-7, EWB105, BWB70, BWB73-5, BWB117 exchanged in falling in love, EWB75, BWB81 expectations separate healthy from unhealthy, RLW43-5 feedback instead of, RLP248-9, RLP344-5, RLP355-6 for adults, PCSD 112-13 for being wise man, RLWM 26 for children, PCSD 112 forms of, RL18-20, RLM 9-10, EWB77-8, BWB85 form of Imitation Love, PCSD 12, PCSD 112-28, RLV 14-15 from sex, RLM 241 good kind, B09Mar11 gratitude a form of, RLWM 25-6 harmful effects of, B29Feb16 has its own reward, BWB74-5 healthy, RLP246, RLP247-9, RLW 61 how to give correctly, RLP247-9,RLP355-6, RLW43-7 how we seek, RLW36 Imitation Love, DC5, B09Mar11, RL18-21 imitation wise man seeks, RLWM 22-5 in Real Love, RL 23 increases anxiety, PCSD 124 increases discouragement, PCSD 126 interfering with ability to be wise man, RLWM 22-5 interferes with creativity and decision making, PCSD 126 interferes with persistence and independence, PCSD 126 keeps us from feeling unconditionally loved, PCSD 124, RLW43 lie of, EWB76-7, BWB83-4 loving and teaching instead, RLP246-7, RLP344-5, RLP355-6 makes us blind to needs of others, PCSD 124-5 manipulation of children with,RLP28-30, RLP245-6 need for strong, RLD 12-15


negative characteristics of, RLW36-43 never produces real happiness, RLW37-8 not about us, RLD 14-15 not always Imitation Love, BWB117 not fulfilling, BWB76-7 not necessary when children already loved, RLP345 not needed by children, EWB363-7, BWB390 not really about you, BWB79-80 parents manipulate children for,RLP79-81 patterns of our use of, PCSD 127-8 pay for, EWB 69, BWB76-7 positive effects temporary and superficial, PCSD 114-15 pressure of earning, RLP30 see Positive feedback sex form of, RLD 15 real meaning of, RLP249, RLWM 26 responding to, RLWM 26 test for using as Imitation Love, EWB105, BWB117 trap of, EWB363 traditional, characteristics of, RLW45-6 traditional, examples, RLW 45 trained from childhood to earn, BWB81-2 trap of, BWB390 used as form of Imitation Love, PCSD 119, PCSD 120-21 used to manipulate children, PCSD 116-18 usually selfish, EWB73-5, BWB79-80 we don’t need, B09Mar11 when healthy, RLW39 why we manipulate with, RLP245-6 why we use when it doesn’t work, RLD 9, EWB76, BWB 82 Prayer: for changes in us vs others, B09Nov16 for magic, B09Nov16 for miracles, B09Nov16 Predictability: not as attractive as we think, B28Mar14 perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 33-4 Preference, can’t force partner to change, B30Mar16 Premenstrual syndrome, RLM 166-67, RLD 126 Preparation: avoids crises, B18May11, B30Oct12 eliminates problems, B16Sep09, B18May11, B30Oct12 for happiness, B27Nov15 for qualities we’ll need later, B23Dec15 importance of, DC179-181, B29Apr07, B05Nov08, B10Dec08, B16Sep09, B25Aug14, B27Nov15, B23Dec15


many tools involved, B08Feb11 PCSD 106-7 power of, B30Sep16 Present: enjoy while planning for future, B20May16 living in, B13May16 Pretty: need to be, B22Oct12 Prevention versus treatment, BWB307 Price, vs. benefit, B09Mar15 Primary Decision, 160-65 Prince, lost, B24Jan07 Prince, mud, B4Dec06 Principles: see Understanding, good but feeling loved better understanding leads to changed feelings and behavior, RLWM 7-9, RLWM 64-5 Principles of Happiness, PCSD 276-85 Priority(ies): in decisions, B27Apr12, B17Jul12 love highest, above “things”, B01Feb12, B07Apr12, B17Jul12 Prisoner, why angry, DC138-140 Prisoners to anger, when believe others cause it, RLM 45-6 Prison(s): and Real Love, B13Feb09 friend in, RLWM 95-6 kills hope, B02Nov16 people alone in, B08May09 role of, RLWM 93 Privilege: not separable from responsibility, B23Apr14 Problem(s): addressing early, B03Jul12 caused by fear, B08Jun11 choice, B16Sep09 easier when not rushed, B03Mar14 easier with Real Love, B03Mar14 fear cause of, B08Jun11 help us grow, B15Jul11 not personal, B07May11, B05Dec11 opportunities to learn and grow, B05Dec11, B30Apr14 rare that they’re complicated, B07May07 repeating over and over not helpful, B28Jul14 response to, B30Apr14 simply happen, B05Dec11 solving can’t be quick fix, but requires foundation, B10Dec08 turning into assets, B28Feb11, B15Jul11


usually simple, B16Nov16 wallowing in is not helpful, B28Jul14 Process: not just one, B15Jun11 Real Love, B21Sep09 Real Love not, B07Mar16 Productivity: determined by satisfaction of human needs, RLW3-4 see Performance Profit(s): decreased by Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW88 improved by Real Love, RLW3-4, RLW28 flow from filling needs of people, RLW 3-4, RLW31, RLW286 not primary focus of successful businesses, RLW 2-3 Progress, measuring, B04Mar16 Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET), PCSD 273 Promise: avoid expectations even with, RL55, RL 181-2 breaking, right to, RL 229-31 broken, what to do then, RL 56, RL 57-8, RL 181-3 clear better, RL 56 exception to Law of Expectations, RL 54-5, RLW106 exchanging, contract, RL 222 less important than love, RL 58, RL 62, RL 181-3 Promises: breaking, DC198-199 changing, RLWM 56-7 don’t always justify expectations, BWB352 don’t make involving behavior of others, DC231-233 exception to Law of Choice, RLWM 55, RLV 198-9 exception to Law of Expectations, EWB315, BWB351-3 in marriage, RLM 210-12 making impossible, DC231-233 responding to broken, EWB317, BWB352-3 some expectations still wrong with, RLWM 56 Promptness: not highest goal, B29Apr08 Proof: of love, B24Oct14 of worth, B24Oct14 Proofreading, B26Mar14 Prophecy, B22Jul11 Protecting ourselves: alternative to, EWB433, BWB371-2, BWB443-4 automatic, B13Aug14 dangers of, DC122-123, DC145, DC186-187, DC411-3, B30Nov12, B19Dec13


doesn’t work, EWB121, EWB427-33, BWB139-40, BWB442-4 examples, EWB191, EWB427, BWB441-2 foolishness of, DC104-108, B30Nov12 “I don’t love you” the message of, DC411-3 irony of, DC104-108 natural response to fear, RLV 53 never makes us happy, DC165, B19Dec13 only makes things worse, RLW259 problem with, EWB427, BWB442 selfish, BWB442 trap of, EWB429-31, BWB 441-4 understandable, DC105-108 unloving, DC165 ways we do, EWB427, BWB 441-2 what to do instead, EWB433, BWB443-5 Proust, Marcel, RLWM 154, BWB93 PTSD: acute stress disorder and, PCSD 48-9 association in, PCSD 37 attitude of others changed toward those with, PCSD 65-6 avoidance in, PCSD 54-6 beliefs change in, PCSD 61-2 complex, see Complex PTSD coexisting diagnoses in, PCSD 67 cognitive restructuring and, PCSD 254-8 compartmentalization in, 2 PCSD 3-5, PCSD 31-6 confused with PCSD, PCSD 199-202 consciousness altered by, PCSD 65 contributing factors and, PCSD 41-9, PCSD 188-92 contributing factors and Real Love, PCSD 188-92 depression in, PCSD 60 dissociation in, PCSD 31-6, PCSD 287-8 dreams, recurrent in, PCSD 53 duration, PCSD 49 effects of, PCSD 35-6, PCSD 39-67 emotional control lost in, PCSD 64-5 emotional upset in, PCSD 53-4, PCSD 64-5 epigenetics and, PCSD 47-8 examples, PCSD 1-2, PCSD 31-6 flashbacks in, PCSD 53 genetics in, PCSD 46-8 goals, PCSD 289-90 grief in, PCSD 66 hallucinations in, PCSD 53 history of, PCSD 39 hyper-excitement and, PCSD 57-9


incidence of, PCSD 39 integration in, PCSD 22-4, PCSD 31-6, PCSD 37-8 losses associated with, PCSD 35 memory in, PCSD 25-30 memories, recurrent in, PCSD 50-54 morphine lessens incidence of, PCSD 110-11 nature of, PCSD 21-38 not everyone gets, PCSD 194-5 numbness and, PCSD 56-7 origin of, PCSD 1-2 pain cause of, PCSD 110-11 perspective of world changes with, PCSD 31-6, PCSD 61-5 physical symptoms of, PCSD 53-4, PCSD 59-60 reclassification of, PCSD 210-15 recreating original trauma in, PCSD 61 re-experiencing and, PCSD 49-54 response to lifetime of pain, PCSD 37 response to pain, PCSD 22, PCSD 37 reset of our personality, PCSD 1-2, PCSD 37-8, PCSD 57-9 risk taking in, PCSD 61 self-perception changes with, PCSD 62-3 similarities to PCSD, see PCSD, similarities to PTSD survivor guilt in, PCSD 66 symptoms of, PCSD 39-67 trauma and, PCSD 41-49 trauma required to cause can be very brief, B19Sep12 treatment of, see PTSD Treatment triggers in, PCSD 37, 5 PCSD 0-52, PCSD 53-4 understanding leads to acceptance, PCSD 1-3 understanding leads to understanding of PCSD, PCSD 21 PTSD Treatment: failure, PCSD 336-41 general discussion, PCSD 110-11 imaginal therapy, PCSD 273 prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET), PCSD 273 see Cognitive behavioral therapy situational exposure therapy, PCSD 273 with Real Love, PCSD 215, PCSD 272-6, PCSD 336-41 with truth telling, PCSD 254-8 Punctuality, RLD 153, RLV 193-6, RLV 207 Punctuality, teaching, RLP369-73 Punishment: causes Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLWM 93 characteristics, RLV 143, RLW304 victims want them for others, RLV 140-42 vs. consequences, RLWM 93, RLV 142-4 Punji sticks, B15Jul15


Puppies, Rottweiler, RLP2 Purity, perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34 Purpose, necessary with action, B30Nov16 Putting self down, see Self-criticism Puzzle: piece unique, B19Jan15 we are pieces of, B19Jan15 Pyrite, RLD 95-6 Quarreling, see Conflict Question: real, B09May16 what is loving?, B09May16 which to ask first, B09May16 Questions: answer content, RLM 158-59 asking to avoid criticism, RLP346 asking to get out of work, RLP345-6 can be evidence of love, RLM 157-58 examples, B20Jul16 for information vs. accusation, RLP160, RLP244 interrogation, B04Nov15 just answer, even when asked in anger, RLM 158-59 multiple choice, B28Jan15 often not, B04Nov15 right, B20Jul16 right to ask, DC107 to ask in relationships, B17Apr15 used to prevent conflict, RLM 157-59, RLM 233-34 Quibbling, RLM 134 Quiet: be when angry, RL236-8, RLP91 be when listening, RLP155 enables us to listen and be listened to, B07Jul14 Quiet, Be: first step to eliminating anger, EWB344-7 loving nature of, EWB345-7 part of genuine listening, EWB329 versus running, EWB347 ways to, EWB345-7 Raccoon trap, B21Feb11 Rachel, RLP64, RLP191-2, RLP285-6, RLD 200-1, RLD 203-4, PCSD 11-17, PCSD 221-34, PCSD 240-45, PCSD 251-2, PCSD 269-71, PCSD 298-300 Rachmaninoff, B14Nov16 Racial prejudice: cause, RLWM 262-3 caused by not seeing clearly, RL140, RL143-4


healing with Real Love, RLWM 262-3 Racism: cause, DC124-128 hypocrisy of those who claim, DC192-195 solution, DC124 -128 Railroad, switching tracks, B13Feb15 Rain: always will be, BWB169 not personal, B07May11 Ralph, B09Apr12 Random kindness, acts of, DC26, DC40, EWB339-41 Rape: in marriage, DC200 nature of, DC405 PCSD 336-41 responding to, DC200, DC405-6 Rapids, negotiating in canoe, B12Dec 11 Rappelling, B06Feb14 Raspberries, PCSD 27 Rat bait, RLD 182-3 Rats, experiment with shocking, PCSD 74 Rating system for desires, RLM 208-9 Razor blades, B3Apr15 Rebar, metaphor, B23Nov12 Re-birth: Bible verses about, BWB190-1, BWB248 giving up Getting and Protecting Behaviors contributes to, BWB189-91,BWB 248 giving up sins necessary for, BWB 22 necessary, BWB22 through love, BWB190-1, BWB289 when, lose need to sin and use Getting and Protecting Behaviors, BWB190-1 Reaching, for qualities we need, B23Dec15 Reactions: defined, BWB194 our choice, B16May11 over, B17Jun15 see Behavior to pain automatic often, B16Jun14 to pain eliminates choice, B02May12 Real Love: 4 steps in experiencing, B05Nov14 absence causes starving, DC4 absence causes unhappiness, FSG, DC1, DC3, RL intro abundance of, RLWM 266 action, B06Aug09, B20Feb12 activities to find and share, DC2


addiction to, B24Oct14 all of us worth receiving, RLWM 114-16 always about, EWB383, EWB386-9, EWB408, EWB413-4, EWB418,EWB 429, EWB439, BWB404, BWB407-9, BWB426, BWB 430, BWB434, BWB 442, BWB445-6, BWB448, BWB450 anger separates from everything else, RLD 6, RLD 8, EWB38-47 answer to addition, DC58 answer to all problems, B07May07 appearance of, B13Oct06 asking for, B18Feb11 at work, DC40 attracting B12Jun15 awkward at first, B27Jul15 “bad” behavior from lack of, DC6 benefits of, RLV 355 books about, RLP123-4 calibration determines everything else, B09Jul12 can’t be forced, B13Dec06 can’t give until get, RL71, RL137-9, RLM 65-9, RLP14-19, RLP93-5, RLP148, RLWM 2, RLWM 3-6, RLWM 123, PCSD 224, RLW113-18, RLW165, EWB59, BWB355 can’t give until get, see Changing, examples of in parent-child relationship can’t give what we don’t have, DC5, DC161, DC352, DC451, B24Feb14e, B25Apr14 changes everything, B28Feb14, B02Jan15 changes how we see things, B02Jan15 characteristics, B19Nov14, RLWM 2-12, RLW 23-4 children ask for freely, B18Feb11 children can’t give to parents, RLP69-70, RLP208 choice, B06Aug09, B01Aug14, B19Nov14, EWB38-9, BWB49, Real Love, B17Aug15 choice or feeling, B19Nov14 choice, feeling, and ability, PCSD 272 coaching vs therapy, B10Feb16 commitment required, B28Aug07 communicating the most important thing, not accomplishing a task, BWB407-9 compared to twenty million dollars emotionally, RLP19-20, RLV 26 competition for, B05May14 connection from, RLP8, RLV 12, RLW12 connection to others from, RL5-6 consistency important, PCSD 103-4 consistent needed, RL129-30, see Real Love, frequent controlling doesn’t work, B15Oct08 corporations that demonstrate, RLW3-4 counts only when children being “bad,” RLP137-8 create opportunities to feel, DC27 definition, RL4, RL8, RL83, RLM 4, RLP8, RLP137-8, RLD 5-7, PCSD 5-7, PCSD 16 , RLV 11, RLW 11, BWB48-9 definition calibrates everything else, B09Jul12


demanding impossible, DC443 demands for vary, B20Dec07C, B23Nov11 demonstrated by behavior, not words, B30May12, RLD 200 demonstrated when children behave badly, not when they behave well, RLP12-13 desperate need for, B18Apr14 determining absence in people, DC298 despite wounds from others, B07Feb11 different kinds of, B06Aug09 difficult at times, B09Jan14 difficult in beginning, B06Sep11 disappointment and anger separate from everything else, RLD 6, RLD 8, EWB38-47, BWB49-58 discussion of avoided in business literature, RLW27 discussion of in business as important as discussion of soil and water in agriculture, RLW 1 discussion of subjects closely related to in business literature, RLW 27-8 distinguishing from conditional love, RLV 12-14 does not just go away, B11Sep15 doesn’t mean giving everything people want, DC25 doesn’t mean you have to be doormat, RL8 don’t expect from any one person or group of people, DC161, DC165, B09Mar12 don’t try to give when you don’t have enough, BWB328-9, BWB332, BWB441 doubters of, B04Sep15 easier than everything else, *B08Sep07, B02Sep08, B31Jan11, B04Apr11, B27Jul11, B16May14 easier than Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL167, BWB309, BWB453-4 easier than the alternatives, B06Mar15 eat, B31Jan07A effects of, DC3, DC40, DC73, B7Oct06, B13Oct06, B23Feb07, RL6-7, RL124-8, RLD 67-8, RLWM 259-65, RLWM 271-3, PCSD 9, PCSD 16-17, PCSD 271-6, RLV 8790, RLV 218-21, RLV 221-4, RLV236-8, RLV355, RLW12-14,RLW 1415, RLW20-25, RLW72, RLW92-3,RLW 120-24, RLW138-40, RLW149-53, RLW16062, RLW193-4, RLW200,RLW 248, RLW266-9, RLW312-17, EWB39-41, EWB513, EWB256-7, EWB273, EWB275-7, EWB351-3, BWB59-63, BWB215, BWB2567, BWB453-4 effects of, examples, B09Apr07, B09May11, B22Jun12, RLM 33-6, RLM 68-9, RLM 80-4, EWB177, BWB330, BWB365-6, BWB371-2 effects of in workplace, RLV 227-30 effects of lack of, RLW16-20 effects of, physical, B09May11, RLM 5-7, RLM 77-80 effects of, see PCSD Treatment effects of, specific to business, RLW162 effects on children as they feel from us, RLP121-2, RLP162-3, RLP197 effect on physical health, EWB23, BWB36-7 effect on self-control, RLWM 81-4 effects on us as adults, RLP101-2, RLP116, RLP120, RLP121-2


effects overwhelmed by moments of disappointment and anger, RLP12-13, RLP137-8, RLP162 effort required to find, B28Aug07, B05Feb08, B08Sep07, B21Dec08, B25May11, B27May11, B22Jul11 eliminates anger, DC3, DC4, B23Feb07, EWB49-53 eliminates conflict, see Conflict, eliminating eliminates emptiness and fear, V2, DC3, DC4, DC5, DC39, B23Feb11, RL65, RL210 eliminates Getting and Protecting, EWB49-53, BWB309 eliminates Getting and Protecting, examples, EWB177 eliminating victimhood with, RLV 209-39 endorsements, B07Oct06 enough from just a few, B29May15 especially when people treat us badly, BWB322-3 essential, DC2, DC3, DC4, B08Jun11, BWB69 essential to us, like water to fish, B08Jun11 everyone needs, B13Feb09 evidence for, B03Sep12 evidence that we have not received, RLW118 example of parenting interaction, DC10 examples of, DC26, DC366-7, B13Oct06, B25Mar08, B04Feb11, B24Aug11, RLW20-25 examples of in public, B09May11 expectations in finding, RLD 58-60 expecting from one person, B26Mar12 experience to understand, B10Apr15 expressions of, B13Oct06, B25Mar08 fails only when not applied, B25Jan16 faith and, BWB266 faith in, B30Jun14, RLD 55 faith needed to feel, RLWM 153-5, RLWM 269 faith required for, DC133, B28Aug07, B31Jan11, B07Feb11, B05Aug11 falling in love in, RLD 119-20, RLD 121 fear obstacle to, RLWM 267 fear of losing, B26Mar12 features, B19Nov14 feeling, B31Jan07A, B23Aug07, B06Aug09, B04Feb11, B21Nov11, BWB256-7 feeling in person, B16Feb11 feeling needed, not just understanding, RLWM 65, RLWM 283 feeling once enables us to recognize it when we see it in future, B27Aug12 find, don’t just talk about it, B31Jan07A finding, DC313, B16Aug07, B11Jul11, B21Nov11, B26Dec11, B20Jun12, B05Nov14, EWB351-3, BWB383-4 finding compared to physical training, RLV 35-6 finding, cost, B12Aug16 finding, four steps, RL63, RLM 55, RLP98-120, RLW118-62 finding, not making, RLD 53, RLD 95-6 finding, not manipulating for, DC324


finding from particular person dangerous, B01Jul11, B09Mar12 finding from people other than spouse, RLM 65-72 finding from those who have it, DC352, B01Jul11, B09Mar12, B22Aug12 finding often, B11Nov11, B23Nov11 finding outside family, DC314 finding requires effort, *DC349-351, B26Mar07, B27Jan11, B26Dec13 finding, resources to help with, RLP123-4, RLV 37-9, RLV 233, RLW163-4 finding, persistence required, RL65, RLM 116 finding takes what it takes, B26Dec13 finding, then taking to spouse, RLM 77-87 finding, truth telling, PCSD 16-17, RLV 35, RLV 225-6 finding, ways to, EWB 351-5, BWB383-4 first priority, B07Apr12 flow, B03Oct16 flow of, BWB358 forgetting, effect, B02May12, RL127 freedom of, B7Nov06, B04Feb11, B22Jun12 freely given, DC211-213, B13Dec06 freely given and received, DC369, B24Mar08, B15Oct08, B21Jan11, B18Jan12, RLWM 64, RLWM 69, RLV 257-8, RLV 259-61, RLV 261-2, RLW318-19, RLP69-70, RLP148 frequent needed to change our lives, RLWM 14-15, RLWM 45-6, RLWM 97-8 from anyone healing, EWB174-5 from spouse not essential, RLM 68-9 foundation of marriage, see Marriage, foundation foundation of our lives, BWB169, BWB311 foundation of relationships, DC316, see Relationships, foundation from anyone healing, BWB205, BWB275 gathering small bits, B04Feb15 get during conflict, RLWM 231-2 get from others to bring back to relationship, not to replace spouse, BWB420 getting can eliminate anger, RLP92, RLP129-31 getting doesn’t work, B15Oct08 getting in order to eliminate anger, RLM 126-27 getting it, effects of, EWB277, BWB313, BWB314 getting it destroys it, EWB277-9, BWB313, BWB314 getting vs. finding, BWB314 getting yourself and bringing back to relationship, RL125-6, RL128-9, RL234, RL241, RL250-3 gift, B21Jan11 gift, freely given and received, RL44, RL54 give what you can give freely, DC162 giving it increases it, BWB 308, BWB359 giving, see Loving giving, not trading, 1 RLD 04-5 greatest commandment, BWB38 greatest need for children, RLP8


greatest treasure, DC2, DC3, B21Dec08, B20Jan09 greatest power, DC3, B24Sep12 groups, see Real Love Groups groups, EWB271-2, BWB305-6 grows with practice, EWB293, BWB322-3, BWB331 growth in, B07Nov06, B12Sep11, B02Jan14a half measures insufficient, DC349-351, B08Sep07 happiness only from, FSG,DC1, DC2, RLW 11 healing, examples, B24Aug11 healing from any source, DC154-155, DC162, DC232-233, DC240, DC352, DC443, B11Aug11, B24Aug11, B18Aug14, RLM 68-9 healing in children, B24Aug11 healing past with, RLWM 259-62 heals all wounds, DC3, B24Aug11 how comes, RL64-5, RL134 how it looks, B13Oct06, PCSD 227-8, RLV 225-7, RLV 231-5, RLV 284-8 how it’s not trading, RLD 104-5 how to find and share, DC2,DC5 Imitation Love a distraction from feeling, RLWM 267-9 impossible when demanded, DC130-133 in marriage, RLD 121-3 in person, B16Feb11, B26May11 in workplace, RL222-5 increases market value of company, RLW 3 increases stock returns, RLW 4 increases with giving, BWB308, BWB359 infinite supply, DC341-2, B14Jun12, B05May14, B12Feb16 infinitely more valuable than Imitation Love, RLD 92-3 innate desire for, DC243-244 innate feel for, DC243-244 intellectual understanding not enough, B30May16 interventions, see Interventions introducing, B27Mar15 kinds of, B06Aug09 lack of, DC34, DC39 lack of, becomes normal, PCSD 84, PCSD 92 lack of, causes unhappiness, RLD 7 lack of, central wound, PCSD 4-11 lack of, effect, B09Nov06, B17Aug12, B24Aug12, RLD 7, RLWM 82, EWB61-3, EWB383, BWB69-144 lack of, effects, PCSD 9-19, PCSD 78-87, PCSD 216-18 lack of, evidence, PCSD 87, 92 lack of, explains our behavior, not to be excuse for it, BWB187 lack of, greatest problem in world, B05Jan15 lack of from parents, DC125-126 lack of, hidden, PCSD 87-95


lack of, in childhood affects entire life, PCSD 105-7 lack of like electrolyte imbalance, B17Aug12 lack of, longstanding, RLD 7 lack of, metaphors for, RLD 1-2, RLD 3, EWB383, BWB 404 lack of outweighs occasional moments of loving, PCSD 102-3 learned through combination of loving, teaching, and faith, B05Aug15 learning about a process, DC95-97, B06Sep11, B12Sep11, B07Apr14, B01Aug14 learning difficult in beginning, B06Sep11, B09Jan14, B03Aug15 learning difficult sometimes, B09Jan14 learning is gradual, B12Sep11 life and death, B20Jan09 like riding horse, B09Jan14 like wings, B7Nov06 maintenance of, B08Dec14 marketing, B04Dec12 matters most, B01Feb12 melts monsters, RLW 22-3, RLW262, RLW268-9, EWB 435-7, BWB445 miracle of, B25Dec07, B16Feb11, B24Aug11 miracle of multiplying, RLWM 8 miracles, examples, B02Nov12, B16Nov12, B03Dec12, B19Dec12, B17Feb14e, B18Jul14 misconceptions about, RLW29 misunderstandings about, B13Oct06 missing piece of the puzzle, B07May07 more important than winning in any particular situation, RLW324 most important ingredient in a relationship, DC43, RLW 16 most important tool for parents, RLP93 must understand to resolve conflict, RLWM 223-4 natural state of life, B25 Nov12 nature of, B13Oct06 need for, B18Apr14, RL4-5, RLWM 257-8, PCSD 4-11, PCSD 72-8, EWB272-3, EWB351 need for constant supply of, RLM 77-80 need for every day, BWB307-8 need help with, B14Mar14 need regularly, B11Nov11, B23Nov11 need to find and share, DC2. DC3, DC4, DC5 need to use the actual term Real Love, RLW29-31 needed before anything else, B08Jun11 never be satisfied with less than, RLD 200-1 never speak without, RLV 235-8 never try to get, RLD 55, RLD 92-3 never try to give more than you have, DC162 no disappointment or anger in, RLD 6 non-verbal communication, RLM 91 not all or nothing, RLP162, RLW196 not alone with, RLD 6-7 not being doormat, EWB121-3, EWB302


not enough time for, B16Aug07 not exchanged or traded, RLWM 245 not necessary from parents, DC30 not needing from any one person, B26Mar12 not permissive, RLW29, RLW226 not what most of us have received, EWB 55-9 not weak, DC396-7, RLW29 obstacles to, RL Chapter 9 obstacles to, removing, RLWM 266-71 one source is huge, B11Aug11 origin, B05Aug11 overwhelmed by moments of disappointment and anger, RLP12-13 pain unavoidable in, B07Feb11, B06Sep11 paying for, B04May11, B21Nov11 peace of, B04Feb11 peace of God through, BWB289, BWB308-9 persistence required, *B28Nov06, B16Aug07, B28Aug07 physical health and, EWB23, BWB36-7 plus, RLD 121 pointing out, examples, RLWM 158-62 pointing out feeling to others, B31Jan07A power, not just principle, BWB 305 power of, B7Oct06, *B7Nov06, B23Oct 06, B25Dec07, B14Jan09, B31Jan11, B16Feb11, B24Jan12, B02Jun14, B08Oct14, PCSD 271-6, RLV 221-4, EWB 443, BWB21-2 power of, example, B24Aug11, BWB257, BWB286-7 power of one, B17Dec13a power of understanding, DC246-247 power of, versus self-control, RLWM 83-4 powerful from any source, RLM 68-9 practice required, B28Aug07, B30Apr12, B07Apr14, B12Jan15 preventive, B07Sep15 preparation for, B01Jul15 price of, B21Dec08 priceless, B21Dec08 primary need, PCSD 72-8 prisons and, B13Feb09 process, not, B07Mar16 process of finding and giving, DC97 productivity determined by, RLW3-4 profitable, RLW2-4, RLW28, RLW 81-2 protection of, B20Mar15 protects us from turmoil of world, B02Jun14 proves worth, B08Oct14 quantifiable, B20Dec07C, B14Dec11 quantity known only under stress, B19Dec11 recognizing, B31Jan07A, B27Aug12, EWB31-8, EWB47, BWB256


recognizing easier when we’ve felt once, B27Aug12 recognizing need for, DC26, DC30 remembering, RL71, RL118-19, RL161-2, RL171-2, RL240-1, RL250-1, RLM 126-7 remembering can help you eliminate anger, RLP92, RLW111-12 remembering powerful, B10Apr15 reminders of, B14Oct16 research in, B03Sep12 resisting, B02May12 river of, B14Jun12, EWB323, BWB358 romance in, RLD 119-20, RLD 121 sacrifice a part of, B27Jun08 sacrifice required to find, B21Dec08, B06Sep11 scientific evidence for, B03Sep12 see Loving see Loving unconditional, but can still like some people more, RLD 104-5 see more clearly with, BWB338-9 seeing it, RLWM 158-62 self-control and, BWB186-8 setting limits, DC11 sharing, B27Mar15 sharing, how, 17Sep12 sharing it increases what we have, BWB308, BWB 359 sharing, power of, 17Sep12 signs of, DC74 RL8, RL47 simple, B23Aug07, B04Feb11, B13Feb14e skepticism of, B22Apr16 small amount worth infinitely more than lot of Imitation, EWB279 solution to fear, B22Jun12 solution to frustration and confusion, V1 solution to problems, V2, B23Nov11, B22Jun12 sound soft, while Imitation loud, B25Nov08 spreading message of, B15Aug12 starving for, PCSD 4-5 steps to find, RL63 subject of all conflicts, RLW89-91 subtle effect, contrasted with Imitation, B25Nov08 supply varies, B20Dec07C, B23Nov11 synergistic with self-control, RLWM 83 synergy with making choices, RLW163 synonyms for in business literature, RLW27-8 test for, RL47, RLP8-9, EWB31-8, EWB38-47, EWB55-9, BWB49-59 test for whether we’ve received enough in our lives, RLP97, RLW118 testimonial, B12Aug16 time required to find, B14Feb11 truer than criticism and lack of acceptance, PCSD 310-11 truth telling begins process for finding, EWB186, BWB220


twenty million dollars, RLW72 understanding alone not enough, B31Jan07A, B21Sep09, B13Apr11 unfamiliar at first, B27Jul15 unlimited, B05May14 useless without action, B20Feb12 visible in faces of those who have it, 17Sep12 vs. conditional love, RLV 12-14 vs. Imitation, DC5, DC12, RL 47 vs. rescuing, RLV 256-7 vs. sympathy, RLV 256-7 vs. tasks, DC129-133 vs. things, DC129-133 warming up to, B07Apr14 ways to express, B25Mar08 what it looks like, B04Feb11, EWB223, BWB256 what it is not, B13Oct06, EWB 38-9, BWB49 what we need most, DC30 when have enough, not deceived by Imitation Love why not?, B30Jun14 why not everywhere, B27May11 without, see Unloved with, nothing else matters, RL5, RLWM 81, RLP8, RLD 12, RLW 116, BWB84 with, seeing possible, RL136 with friends, RL219-20 with strangers, RL221 without enough, emptiness and fear result, RLD 27 without, metaphors for, BWB404 without, we are blind, BWB169, BWB207 work to maintain, B08Dec14 works from anyone, RL121, RLWM 260 works only when applied, B25Jan16 worth every sacrifice to find, BWB 309, BWB383-4 worth everything we do to find it, B12May14 worth waiting for, DC316 Real Love, the book: purpose of, RLWM 39, BWB306 Real Love for Wise Men and Women, the book, BWB306 Real Love calls: faith in, B11Jul14 more not necessarily the answer, B11Jul14, B14Jul14 purpose of, B14Jul14 Real Love Groups: RLM 76-7 attacking in, B23Sep15 described, RLD 67 finding, creating, B11Jul11 guidelines for, DC145


how to form, B12Jun15 Real Love Score, BWB335-6 Real world: Real Love, not world of pain, B28Feb14 Real meaning of what people say and do, see What people say and do (real meaning) Rebecca, RLP317-19 Rebirth, see Born again Reboot, B19Feb07 “Recalculating,” metaphor of, B21Nov06A Recipe for Real Love, more than one, B15Jun11 Reconciliation, suggestions for, BWB446 Recurrent memories, in PCSD, PCSD 181-4 Re-experiencing: in PCSD, PCSD 181-6 in PTSD, PCSD 49-54 Reflex: behavior tends to be, B22Jul15 changing, B17Jun15 fear is without instruction and love, B22Jul15 our behavior, B17Jul15 our choices are, B17Jun15 to pain, B17Jun15 Rejection: avoid where unnecessary, RLD 60-1 can’t take love from you, RLP118 defined, 282 get to faster, RLD 90-1, RLD 93-4, RLD 139-40, RLD 210 lose only illusion of affection, RLP118 recognize early, RLD 90-1 responding to, DC311-12, RLD 94, RLD 139-40 what to do with, EWB223, BWB257-8 Relationships: addiction of, RLD 109-10, RLD 129 asking questions about condition of, B10Nov14 attraction in, basis for, DC88, DC100-103 based on truth, DC5, DC53 beginning with Real Love, DC434 blaming eliminated by understanding Real Love, BWB107-9 blaming in, BWB106-7 can’t be healthy without Real Love, B06Apr07 can’t choose only some of characteristics of our partner, RLWM 212 change as you change, RLD 206-9 changing, examples, see Changing, relationships, examples changing, examples,DC5, RL118-20, RL124-8, RL149-51, RL159-60, RL173-5, RL207-12, RLWM 4-6 changing, how, EWB241-2, BWB276-8


changing, result of changing you, RL124-5 children in, DC401-2 choices in, DC311-2, RL49-60, RL219-20 choosing, RLWM 212 choosing partners for, B07Mar12 “click,” RLD 24-5 consequences of choosing to stay or leave, DC15 courage required in, B09Apr12 criteria for establishing, RLD 103-8, RLD 108-11, RLD 111-16 deceptive when going “okay,” B06Apr07 decisions about staying vs. leaving, RLD 202-9 definition, DC66, RL48, RLM 41, RLD 97, RLWM 51, BWB317-18, BWB336 destroyed by lack of Real Love, DC2, DC3 different levels of commitment in, B26Oct12 difficult people in, B11Jan12 don’t move from one to the next, DC100-103 duet, comparison with, RLD 4 end indicates Imitation Love all along, DC12 ending, DC285-286, DC324 ending can be good, DC15, B11Jan12 enduring, see Live with the pig and like it, gritting teeth failing, feelings in, BWB106-7 effects of expectations, DC5 effort required in, B09Apr12 exclusive not necessary, RL197 fail because of lack of Real Love, RLD 11-12, RLD 21-2, RLD 70, RLD 204 failed, real cause, DC29, DC43, B06Apr07 finding acceptance, being yourself, rewards of, DC14 finding Real Love most important action, RLD 128 foundation Christ, BWB108-9 foundation Real Love, BWB108, B30Sep15 foundation truth, BWB317, BWB429 gathering information in, DC135-137 goals in, BWB 276-8 healthy if accepting as they are, DC59 healthy, natural result of two healthy people, RLD 4, RLD 70 in healthy, people add to one another’s happiness rather than need one another, RLD RLD 108 keys to success in, RLP316-9 lack of preparation dangerous, B21Aug15 laws of, DC496 learned, BWB178-9 leaving, see Leaving relationships letting go of, DC324 live with it and hate it, RL59, RL 219-20 live with it and like it, RL 58-9, RL 159-60, RL 183, RL 220, RL 248-9 long distance, DC188-189, RLD 154


looking for partner in, see Partner “magic” an illusion, DC5 maintaining, B09Apr12 married vs. not, making decisions about, RLD 201-2 mixing with other teachings, B30Sep15 moments at a time life-changing, RL165 natural result of choices of two partners, RLD 4 one-sided, DC67 one-sided, see Loving, one-sided pain unavoidable in, B07Feb11 physical abuse in, DC298-302 priorities in, DC401-2 priorities with children, DC401-2 problems mystery without understanding Real Love, RL1-2 problems in start with US, B24Mar14 quality to look for in partner, BWB437 reason for failure, RLV 21, BWB84 requirements of our partners in, see Requirements sacrifice required for, B28Oct11 saving not always a wise goal, RLD 200-2 selfish, usually, DC5 standards for, B07Mar12 staying in and starting over with present partner, RLD 202-4 successful with honesty, DC43 take 100% responsibility for problems in, RLWM 218 taught little about, RL48 teaching children about, RLP302-3 three choices in, DC134-137 three decisions about staying vs. leaving, 2 RLD 02-9 two-fold purpose to love and be loved, RLD 104 two keys to success in, RLD 2-3, BWB313 unhappiness caused by lack of Real Love, DC1, DC5, DC12, DC15 we are the problem in, B24Mar14 we attract people who are as loving as we are, DC88 what they are not, RLD 97, BWB317 why fail, FSG, DC5, DC13, DC15, B31Oct06, RLD 11-12, RLD 22-3, BWB84 why stay in a bad one, DC60 “working on”, foolish, V2 Religion, not primary subject of discussion in Workbook, BWB5-6 Remembering love, see Real Love, remembering and trusting, B18Sep15 Repentance (and repent): can be discouraging, BWB182 changing our perspective of with understanding of Getting and Protecting Behaviors, BWB182-5 commandments to, BWB182


difficult with will power alone, BWB184 easier than sin, BWB230-1 negative connotations of have interfered with our ability to, BWB182 self-control, role of, BWB185 with Real Love much easier, BWB184-5 Repetition: effects of, B24Dec12 of same conversation indicates listening not happening, B23Sep11 of same unproductive behaviors is insane, B25Nov09 reasons for, B24Dec12 Requests: acceptance of refusal, RLM 196-97 ask, don’t demand, RLM 194-96 avoiding clear to avoid rejection, B12Mar12 characteristics of, RLW 295 clear, RL179-81, EWB319 clear and specific, RLM 1997-202, RLM 260-61, RLWM 63, RLWM 251-4 deceiving ourselves about, B11Jun14 emptiness and fear in, signs of, RLM 192 enthusiasm in responding to, RLM 193-94 examples, RLM 155-56, RLWM 59-60, RLWM 63, RLWM 66 follow-up, RLWM 254 general, danger of, RLM 203 impossible without Real Love, RL61-2, RL177-8, RL183-4 information and asking, B25Mar15 limit to individual actions, not to patterns, B31Dec14 listening in, RLM 203-4, RLM 261 loving, B03Oct14 make lots of, RLM 202 making, RL61-2, RL177-84, RLM 188-203, RLWM 59, EWB319, BWB 354-5 making clear, B12Mar12 making each time as though the first time, B11Jun14 making others satisfy unclear, B12Mar12 modifying, RLM 205-8, RLM 261-65 need for Real Love in, RL177-8, RL183-4 promises and, RL181-3 rating, RLM 208-9 Real Love most important thing in, RLM 189-94 receiving, RLM 201-2 refusal of, RLM 209-10, RLM 196-97 responsibility of person wanting something, B25Mar15 right to make, B11Jun14 score-keeping and, RL183 tone of voice in, B11Jun14 vs. demands, DC321, B13Feb09, B11Jun14, B03Oct14, B31Dec14, RLM 46-9, RLM194-96, RLWM 60-1, RLWM 253, RLW294


vs. expectations, B31Dec14, RL 61-2, RL178-9, RL232-4 vs. expectations or demands, EWB317-19, BWB354 Requirements: definition, DC398-9 each of us unique in, B10Jul15 examples, DC397-9 Rescue, children, bad, B21Oct15 Rescuing: avoid, B20Dec13 difficult and messy, B13Feb12 keeps children from being responsible, BWB439 negative consequences of, B19Jul12, B28Dec12 often harmful, BWB323 perpetuates weakness, BWB 437 results of, BWB438 vs. Real Love, RLV 256-7 Resentment: cancer of, B20Jan16 justification of, B20Jan16 Resistance, needed, B25Nov16 Resolutions, difficulty in keeping, BWB195 Respect: demanding encourages lying and other Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLP83-4 demanding is form of power,RLP81-3 learned, not to be expected, RLP81-3 need for, RLP82-3, RLP85 real is freely given, not demanded, RLP81-3 see Obedience teaching, RLP84-5 Responsibility: assigning, RLW299-302 avoiding by getting angry at the one giving assignment, RLP347-8 choice, RLP336-7 chores, see Chores confusion about, B19Jul12, B13Sep12 consequences of not teaching, B14Jan15 examples, B20Jul16 excessive for the feelings of others, B17Sep14 falsely accepting for the behavior of others, B26Jun12, B13Sep12,B17Sep14 fear of, RLWM 90-1 First Law of (responsible for our choices), BWB 342-3 for our choices, not consequences of our choices, RLWM 91-3 for our choices, not for those of others, B18Mar11, RL 230-31 for our own choices, RL11-12, RLWM 88-9, EWB304-5 for what, B19Jul12, B13Sep12 freedom that comes from, RLP78-9


Getting and Protecting Behaviors attempts to avoid, RLWM 91 happy when, RLP321-2, RLP348-9, RLW285-6 identifying correct to take, B18Nov07, B18Mar11, B19Jul12 lack of, teaching effect of, RLP337-8 law of, RLP338-9, RLWM 88 Laws of, EWB304-11, BWB342-8 Laws of, examples of applying, EWB309-11, BWB347-8 learned only with Real Love, RLP334-5 limited for our mistakes, RLWM 91-6 nature of, B19Jul12 not for choices of others, EWB309, BWB346-7 not for happiness of others, RLWM 98-102 not for other people’s choices, B18Mar11, B26Jun12 not for other people’s feelings, B18Nov07, B13Sep12, B17Sep14 not for the behavior of others, RLP349-51 other people are not for our happiness, RLV 147-8 our innate desire to be, RLW285-6 ours not determined by the needs of others, B19Jul12 ours toward victims, RLV 310-11 parents for children’s happiness, RL11-14 positive feedback for, RLP343-5, RLP355-6 primary to love as well as we can, B19Jul12, B13Sep12 purpose of teaching, RLP321-2 reporting, RLW302 responding to lack of, RLP334-8 Second Law of (can’t choose consequences), BWB343-4 see Chores see Consequences take 100% in relationship, RLWM 218 taking for others, consequences of, B19Jul12 taking for our own choices, RLW132-3 teaching, DC381-2, DC498-500 teaching children, RLP322-61 teaching with Real Love, RLP98, RLP334-8, RLV 192-3, RLV 193-6, RLW1323, RLW299-302 Third Law (not responsible for choices of others), BWB346-8 to make choices, RLWM 96-8 toward other people, but not FOR them, B24Mar08, B13Sep12 two kinds, RLP321, RLW285 we are to be loving, RLV 148 we’re not for the choices made by others, RLV 308-10 we’re not for the happiness of other people, RLV146 why desirable, RLW285-6 why parents reluctant to assign, RLP322 without can’t be happy, RLWM 90 Resentment:


hanging on to, like old diapers, B24Jan11 Resorla, Rick, B05Nov08 Restart, B12Aug15 Results, all that matters, B30May16 Reva, EWB369-79, BWB393-402 Revelation: according to our ability, B27Feb15 how to receive, B27Aug14 Revenge, foolishness of, B6Oct06B Revenge, no need for with Real Love, RL121-2 Reverse engineering, B20May15 Rewards: pay our whole lives for what we get, B14Apr12 price of, B22May15 Rhett, EWB413, BWB430-4 Richard, RLP95-6, RLP344-5, PCSD 183-4 Right: children will do if taught and loved, RLP177, RLP276, RLP316 definition, RLP25, RLP65, BWB377 innate tendency to do, DC329 parent’s responsibility to teach, RLP25 why we do it, RLP188-9 Right, being: addiction, DC58, B16Apr14 acceptable at times, B02Dec07 afraid to let others be, BWB248 Biblical references to, BWB248 can’t be wise man when we insist on, RLWM 29 causes conflict, BWB243 cost, B06Mar15 danger, B06May15, B26Aug15, B01Jul16 definition, BWB238 effects of, EWB201, EWB241, EWB247-9, BWB238, BWB241 examples, B01Jul16 exercise for giving up, EWB201-3, BWB240-1 Field of Death and, BWB248 foolishness of, DC412-3, B31Jan07B giving up, examples, EWB203-5, BWB238-9 happy or, BWB248-9 hard to give up, RL66, EWB 203, BWB238 Imitation Love from, EWB199, BWB238 insisting on being vs. being happy, RLP190 irrelevant, EWB429, BWB133, BWB442 kills desire to change, RL66 makes happiness impossible, BWB248-9 messages communicated by, EWB201, BWB239


need to be, DC55 price of, B02Dec07, B03Jun08 reluctant to admit need for, BWB238 safety from, RLWM 29 see Blaming talking about details evidence of, EWB241, EWB243 talking about other people evidence of, EWB243 test for need to be, EWB199-201, BWB238-9 trap of, B31Jan07B unhappiness from, DC186-187, B03Jun08, RL239, EWB 203, BWB238 vs. being happy, RL 67, RLWM 230, EWB201-5 why we insist on, EWB397 worthlessness of, DC80 Right, definition, RL17, RLWM 84 “Right person:� finding, obsession with, RLD 2 finding, process flawed, RLD 3 finding not enough, RLD 3 Right thing: people will do if taught and loved, RLW 226, RLW258-9, RLW297-8 definition, RLW 106 Right to demand, see Rule of Conflicting Needs Risk: cost vs. benefit, B09Mar15 necessary for happiness B23Mar15 unavoidable in search for happiness, B26Dec14 unavoidable in finding Real Love, B28Sep15 River Jordan, BWB308 River, no fire in, B02Jun14 River of Real Love, EWB323, BWB358 River rock, B18Jul11 Road rage, responding to, DC484-6 Rob, RLP246-7, RLP316, RLP348 Robert, BWB330 Rock: picking up, B23Oct15 sinking in soil, B27Jul16 Roger, RLD 105-7 Role assignment, RLWM 76-81 Roles: changing, DC113-114 how acquired: DC111-113 repeating, DC111-114 rewards of, DC111-114 Romance: choice, B01Apr15, B22Apr15


in Real Love, B09Jan15 Roof repair, B27Jan11 Room, dirty: allowing children to make decisions about according to age, RLP269 responding to, RLP190-2 Roommate: clinging, DC166-167 throwing out, DC11 Roosevelt, Theodore, B13May15 Roots: mud and, B06Jun14 not personal, B07May11 Rope: kernmantle, B06Apr16 stepping on, B06Apr16 Roses, and expectations, RLM 46-9 Rottweiler puppies, RLP2 Rules of seeing: First, DC31, RL 97, RL 197-8, RLM 117, RLP164-5, RLP167-8, RLP294, RLWM 125-7, RLWM 129-30, RLW 189-91 Second, DC31 RL 97-9, RL 197-8, RLM 117-19, RLP165, RLP167-8, RLP294, RLWM 125-7, RLWM 129-30, RLW191 Third, RL 99-100, RLM 119-20, RLM 203-4, RLP114-6, RLP165-6, RLP167-8, RLD 117, RLWM 127-9, RLWM 129-31, RLW191-2 Fourth, RL 100-2, RL 231, RL 250-3, RLM 120-21, RLP167-8, RLP283, RLWM 19, RLWM 124-5, RLWM 248, RLW192-4 in non-verbal communication, RLWM 132-3 purpose, RLP163, RLW188 Rules, used to control people, RLW250-51 Running: can’t demand people stop, RL 232-4 cost of, RLW82 defined, RLD 41 definition, RLP50, RLP236, PCSD 166, RLV 27, RLW 82 effect of, RLD 43 examples, RL 113, RL 255-6, RLM 22, RLP50, RLP236, RLD 41-3, RLWM 215, PCSD 166-7, RLV 27, RLV 92-3, RLW 82, EWB 127-9, BWB144, BWB224 forms of, RL 26-7 parents from children, RLP88, RLP210, RLP239 responding, DC435-6 RL 232-4, RL 255-6 responding to badly, RLP237-9 responding to correctly, RLP239 responding to more productively, RLW283-4 see Getting and Protecting Behaviors vs. leaving, RL 251 vs. withdrawal, B02Sep11, PCSD 301-2


ways to, RLWM 214-15 why, DC435-6, RLP236 why we, RLD 41 withdrawing different than, RLWM 250-1 Ruth, RLP218 Ruts: beginnings, B29Jul16 deep, B29Jul16 Rwanda, civil conflict in, related to victimhood, RLV 172-9 Ryan, RLP167-9, RLP190 Sacrifice: everything, B02Jan14 required for relationship, B28Oct11 Saddle, buy, B25Jun14 Sadness: for ourselves (emptiness), RLWM 190-2, RLWM 193-4 genuine (for other people), RLWM 190 responding to in children, RLP257 telling truth about, RLWM 189-94 two kinds, RLWM 190 Safety: bought by children with obedience, RLP34 bought by parents with fear, RLP85-6 created by love, B15May15 crippled by, PCSD 341-5 definition, RLP34 examples, RLP34-5, RLD 16, EWB85-7, BWB93-4 form of Imitation Love, PCSD 134-5, PCSD 341-5, RLV 16, RLW52, BWB93-5 from lying an illusion, RLP45 from sex, RLM 242-43 healthy, RLP38, RLW 61 illusion of, DC104-108, DC501, B02Jan08, BWB94-5 Imitation Love, RL 21, RLM 11 in Real Love, RL 23 not healthiest goal, B02Jan08 parents give children by loving and teaching, B18Apr11 perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 33 pursue in absence of Real Love, RLD 16 real, DC501, B18Apr11, RLWM 29, RLWM 117 required before faith and learning possible, B15May15 required before teaching possible, DC22, B18Apr11 reward for all Protecting Behaviors, teaching children to pursue by rescuing them, RLP35 used by imitation wise man, RLWM 28-9 Sales, effect of Real Love on, RLW 20,RLW 24-5 Samantha, RLP164-6


Samaritan woman, BWB4-5 Samoa, lost in, B07Aug 12 Samoan language, BWB7-8 Sand castle, metaphor of, DC459-60, B26May08, B18Jun14 Sanders, Tim, RLW20 Sandra, RLD 127 Sandy Hook shooting, B16Dec12 Santayana, George, BWB96 Sarah, RLP290-4 Sarcasm: role of, B06Feb13 when inappropriate, B06Feb13 Saw blade, B04Mar16 Scars, of love, B07Feb11 School: friends arguing, DC51 teacher, problems with principal, DC54 School shootings, B16Dec12 School work: allowing children to make decisions about according to age, RLP268-9, RLP333 Score-keeping, RL183, RLWM 217-18 Scurvy, RLP7-8, PCSD 4-5, PCSD 17-18, PCSD 271 Scurvy, like lack of love, B21Oct16 Sea of Galilee, BWB308 Security: Imitation love, DC5 Seeds: drought resistant, B11Jul14 faith in planting, RLD 55, RLD 92-3, EWB225, BWB245, BWB259 planted with every choice we make, B25Nov09, RLM 73 produce only what they came from, B25Nov09 Seedling, growing compared to raising child, RLP6 Seeing: blindness caused by emptiness and fear, RL 140-2 blindness causes expectations, intolerance, disappointment, RL 140 blindness causes selfishness, RL 143-4 blindness makes us alone, RL 140-1 can’t when empty and afraid, RL 140-2 changes with knowledge of how things are, RLP128 clearly changes how we feel, RLP128 clearly eliminates pain and offense, B21Jan13 clearly essential to making right decisions, B04Mar11, B26May11 clearly lets us deal with flaws that could break us, B20Jun11 differently, power of, DC77, B04Mar11, B26May11 distorted by lies and pain, B21Jan13 clearly with Real Love, RL 136


helped by Rules of Seeing, RL 141 impossible when using Getting and Protecting Behaviors, B10Sep12 impossible when afraid, B10Sep12 impossible when you need someone, RLWM 13-14 impossible with need and fear, RLP144 joy of being seen, B09Jan13 leads to loving, RLWM 7-9 learning to, RL 141 natural when loved, RL 141 people as objects, RL 143-4 people beautiful when, RL 141-2 People clearly, B21Sep 12 power of, DC139-140, B4Dec06, B26May11 result of being loved and eliminating emptiness and fear, RL 141 rewards of, RLP144-5 Rules of, see Rules of Seeing see Blindness what we can’t is what hurts us worst, B26Jan11 what people can do to us or for us, RL 140 who we are, B4Dec06 will lead to loving, RLP144-5 Seeing other people more clearly: accomplished by telling the truth about their emptiness and fear, BWB277 makes it possible for us to accept and love them, BWB277 Self: expressing requires safety and love, B05Mar12 finding not necessary, B30May14 knowing requires safety and love, B05Mar12 Self-control: affected by amount of Real Love we have, RL 37-40, RL 59, RL 124, RLM 27-8, RLM 85-6 affected by understanding, RL 17, RL 124 affected by understanding Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLM 84-6 alone not enough, RL 115, RL 119 always have some measure of, RLWM 75-6, RLWM 82, RLWM 258 effect on Real Love, RLWM 81-4 power of, versus Real Love, RLWM 83-4 Real Love and, BWB186-8 relative role of with Real Love, BWB188 role in accepting others, RL 153 role in becoming more loving, RL 139, RL 166-7, RL 171-2 role in eliminating Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL 17, RL 28-9, RL 46, RL 112-15, RL 172, RL 244, RLM 84-6 role in remembering that we’re loved, RL 162, RL 171-2 role in repentance, BWB185 severely affected by lack of Real Love, BWB186-7 synergy with Real Love, RL 39, RL 115, RL 172, RLM 84-6, RLWM 83, RLWM 269


we have it, RL 11-12, RL 17, RL 37-8, RL 59, RL 115, RL 124 Self-criticism: benefits of, B02Apr14 examples, B02Apr14 why, B02Apr14 Self-deception: RLWM 21, B06May15 common, RLW141 compared to misdiagnosis in surgery, RLW25 dangers of, RLW 141 definition, RLW25 examples, RLW25-6,RLW 66,RLW 67-8, RLW69, RLW140-41, RLW235-6 makes growth impossible, RLW140-41,RLW199-200 reason we have to help people tell the truth about themselves ,RLW 199-200, RLW234 worst kind of lying, RLW 140-41 Self-esteem: defined by people empty and afraid, B03May11, B23Jul12 doesn’t exist, DC48-50, DC93, B11Mar11 generated by others, DC48-49, DC93, B11Mar11, B03May11, B23Jul12 how concept came to be, DC49, B11Mar11 misleading, DC48 source of, B03May11, B09Dec11, B23Jul12 why impossible, DC49 Self-help: literature confused, DC49 tends to encourage victimhood, RLV 170-2, RLV 217 Self-love, B10Jun15 doesn’t exist, DC48-50, B11Mar11 Self-mutilation, PCSD 57 Self-worth: proof of, B24Oct14 Selfishness: cause, DC341-2, B09Dec11 caused by not understanding Law of Choice, RLP316 caused by pain, RLV 54, RLV 69-70 defined by empty people, B09Dec11 not malicious, DC341-2 pain cause, B09Dec11 Real Love impossible with, DC12, B08Jun11 responding to, DC341-3 Semmelweis, B04Sep15 September 11, B06Oct06B Serve, tennis B03Aug15 Service, worst B29June15 Setting limits, DC11 Sex: addiction of, RLD 109-10


addictive, RLP392 adds to relationship with Real Love, RL 199 anatomy of, RLM 255-56 as illustration of mutual victimhood, RLV 233-5 asking for, RLM 257-68 attraction important to us, RL 200-1 avoid until marriage , DC12 can become distraction too early in a relationship, RLV 158 children having, reaction to, DC190-191 combinations of Imitation Love received from, RLW53 conflicts about, RLM 268-75 dangers of, RL 202-4, RLP392-3 differences between men and women , RLM 240-47 dissatisfaction with, RLM 246-47 distracting, RL 202-4, RL 205-6, RL 262, RLWM 16 distracting, DC12, DC63 distraction in finding Real Love, RLD 167, RLD 168-9, EWB403, BWB421 discussing with partner, RLD 175-6 doesn’t create relationships, B07May14 drive for, DC331-2 earning love, B12Mar14 emotional connection from, DC12, DC495 evidence that men see women as objects for, RLV158-9 familiarity with spouse’s body in, RLM 256-57 foreplay in, RLM 251-54 form of Imitation Love, RLD 162 frequency of, RLM 249-50 gift, RL 209-12 healthy, RLD 167 husbands who complain they don’t get, RLV 152-3 Imitation Love, different forms, DC12, DC63 Imitation Love from, DC331-2, B12Mar14, B07May14 RL 23-4, RL 199-200, RLM 240-46 Improving enjoyment of, RLM 248-68 in healthy relationships, RL 23, RL 199, RL 205 in marriage, RL 190-2, RL 197-9, RL 206-7, RL 207-12, RLM 247-82 Law of Choice in, RLM 272-75 loss of interest in, RL 207-12 men who complain women they date don’t give them, RLV 157-8 need for, DC331-2 not distracting with enough Real Love, RLD 172-4 not just a biological urge, DC12 often form of praise, BWB85 orgasm easier with Real Love, RLM 250-54 physical techniques of, RLM 250-57 pleasure of destroyed by emptiness and fear, RL 211-12 power from, RL 20-1, RL 202, RLM 241-42, RLD 15


praise from, RLM 241 pressure to have, RL207-12 prevalence of, RLD 161 preventing harm from, RLP393-6 refusing, B07May14 resolving, conflict about, RLWM 235- 8, RLWM 242-5, RLWM 251-3 restricting to marriage, RL192, RL197-9, RL 205-6 saving for marriage, RLD 168-77 solutions to dangers of, DC12, B07May14, RL192, RL 204-5 stealing love, B12Mar14 substitute for Real Love, DC12, B07May14 talking about, RLM 265-68 teaching children about, RL 212, RLP391-7 test drive in, RLD 176-7 trading Imitation Love with, RL 207-9, RLM243-6, RLD 163-6 trap of, B13Jan12, B12Mar14 unprepared to deal with consequences of, RLP392 used as basis for victimhood, RLV 302 why people resist, RLV157 women use to trade with men, RLV159-62 women who complain they’re treated like objects for, RLV 158-62, RLV 302 world teaches casual approach to, RLP391 Sex-starved husband, RLV 152-3 Sexual abuse, see Abuse, sexual case of, RLV 221-4 see Margie Sexual fidelity: definition of, DC339-40 in marriage, DC339-40 Sexual offenders: responding to, DC211-213 understanding, DC211-213 Shadows, worry about, B13Jul15 Shakespeare, RLWM 76 Shame: and fear, B06Jul15 based on lies, B26Jun12 cause, B15Jun16 destructive, RLWM 93-6 eliminating, B08Jul15 eliminating with Real Love, RLWM 95-6, RLWM 263-5, BWB179 eliminating with truth, RLWM 94-5, RLWM 263-5 examples, B26Jun12, RLWM 93-6 how developed, B31Aug15 how eliminated, B31Aug15 misplaced, B26Jun12


see Margie, PCSD 313-14 solution in understanding, B15Jun16 vs. guilt, RLWM 93, B31Aug15 Sharing: helping children when another child won’t, RLP229-31, RLP304-9, RLP374-5 helping children with, RLP374-5 teaching children about, RLP374-6 Sharon, RLD 1-2 Shawn, RLP158, RLP297-300 Sherpas, B14Mar14 Sheryl, RLP325-7 Ship, magical, B19Aug16 Shoelaces, B05Jun15 Should: alternative, B03Sep14 damage from, B17Sep14 effects of, B03Sep14 examples of, B03Sep14 inappropriate judgment of, B14Mar12, B03Sep14, B17Sep14 know better, B22Jun11 meaning of the use of the word, B03Sep14, B09Nov15 should have, judgment of, B14Mar12 Shouldn’t, meaning of the use of the word, B09Nov15 Shyness, DC41 Siblings: give opportunity to love, RL 217-19 opportunity to learn about love, RLP367 stopping arguments between, RLP367-8 trading Imitation Love between, DC422-3 Sick(ness): our right to be, DC306-7 Sides, wise man doesn’t take, RLWM 131-2 Sierra Leone, B16Apr12 Significant figures, B07Aug15 Silence: discomfort of, B05Oct16 in listening, RLWM 134 love in, B05Oct16 meaning of, RLP111-2, RLD 153 Silt, production of, B26Jun15 Singing, learning to, B29Apr16 Single-tasking, benefits of, B13Apr16 Sins: Getting and Protecting Behaviors are, BWB159-61 give up to be reborn, BWB22 hard work, BWB231


of others, forgive, BWB171 understanding that Getting and Protecting Behaviors are sins gives us power, see Getting and Protecting Behaviors, Situational exposure therapy, PCSD 273 Skepticism: laziness of, B18Jun12 Skiing, metaphor for life, B27Apr16 Skilling, Jeff , RLW59-60 Skinned knee, B21Oct15 Sky diving, RL68 Slide, Pacific, B18Apr12 Small, thinking, B02Oct15 Small world, most of us live in, B02Oct15 Smiling, lie of, B28Oct16 Smoking, responding to, RLP136-7 treating as element of PCSD, PCSD 311-18 understanding as symptom of PCSD, PCSD 199-202 Soboks, B27Jun08 Social media, negative effects of, B13Apr16 Soil, compacting, B10Dec08 Solutions easier to see without emptiness and fear, EWB299-302 Solutions, temporary vs. long-term, B14May12 Sons, parable of two, BWB32 Sony, RLW 207, RLW215 Sooner: and clearer, B21Jan15 acting to eliminate conflict, B17Oct14 Sorry, I’m, see Apology Sorry, real meaning of, RLP334-5 Souls: need to be fed, RLWM 14-15 Sophia, RLD 182-3 Soviet Union, farms in, RLW 298 Sower, parable, BWB245 Space, personal, B24Oct11 Space shuttle, B21Mar11 Speaker, examples of false, B23Sep15 Special: danger of being, B17Sep14 love, B18Aug14, 13Oct14 meaning, 13Oct14 need to be, 13Oct14 useful, 13Oct14 we don’t need to be, B09Oct15 Special Olympics, B07Nov12


Spider metaphor, EWB161, BWB194 Spinning tires, B25May15 Spiral of disability, B10Sep12 Spirit: can’t feel when using Getting and Protecting Behaviors, BWB230 conveys God’s love to us, BWB229-30 difference between flesh and, BWB99 Spiritual maintenance, V2 Splinter removal, B10Feb12 Spoiled, victims are, RLV 140 Spoon fed, B03Jun15 Squirrels, herding, B26Feb14 Standards, for relationship, B07Mar12 Starvation, compared to lack of Real Love, RLV 72 Starving: anger natural when, RLM 36-7 blind when, FSG can’t give bread (Real Love) to others when you are yourself, RL37, RL125 compared to lack of Real Love, DC4 expectations natural when, RLM 46-7 man can’t improve his performance by self-control alone, RL38, RLM 28 metaphor for being without enough Real Love, RLD 45-7, RLD 69-70, RLD 101-2, RLD 167 on island after shipwreck, RL3 without Real Love, DC4 woman, metaphor, DC30 Steak, vs. happiness, B20Apr15 Stealing, justified by victimhood, RLW6, RLW 80 Stealing food, metaphor of, RLV 41-3 Steinbeck, John, PCSD 253 Step: enjoy each one, B18Nov16 next, B28Sep16 next, always love, B01Jun15 next discovered by taking, B21Sep16 next may be unstable, B21Sep16 Stepchildren: conflicts about, DC81-83 Stephanie, RLP158, RLP297-300 Steps: don’t skip, B18Nov16 enjoying each, B04Jul14 one at a time, DC409, B04Jul14 Steven, RLP136-7 Stockdale, Admiral, RLW 141 Stop:


fears, thoughts, B24Sep14 wounds before building possible, 01Aug11 “Stop being yourself,” RLP107-8 Stop sign, RLWM 57-8, RLV 199 Store owner, charging incorrectly, B18Mar16 Stories: stopping, B27Oct14, B03Nov14 Stork, flight of, B14Jan09 Straw: Imitation Love, B08Feb16 sucking on, B08Feb16 Strengths, focusing on, B16Jan15 Stress: any kind can trigger PCSD, PCSD 187-8 cause of, RLW31-2 cost of, RLW31, RLW102 effect on health, RLW 102 helps us identify what we need to work on, B03Feb11, B19Dec11 highlights how much Real Love we really have, B19Dec11 improved by truth telling, RLW 149-53 treatment of, RLW31-2 two meanings of, PCSD 24-5 Struggle, painful, B31Aug16 Stuck: because of lack of trust, B01Dec14 Students, excellent of bad teachers, B15Jun16 Stupid, RLWM 110-11 negative connotations to in the past, EWB411-12, BWB428-9 use of word, B12Feb07, BWB424-5 Subject of conversation: changing, B01Oct14 identifying, B01Oct14 Submission, B26Mar07 Success: addiction, DC57 always about Real Love, FSG only prolongs disappointment, DC117 Sucking, B08Feb16 Suffering: blessings of, BWB324-5 reason for, BWB319-24 Suggestions: dangers of, DC246-251 Suicide: by Imitation Love, B04Jul08 cause of, DC322-3, B04Dec07, B04Jul08


caused by parents usually, B04Dec07 Sunburn: lack of Real Love is cause of, RLW17 metaphor for pain of lack of Real Love, DC247-248, RLW8-9, EWB383, BWB404 Sunflowers, B25Nov09 Surgery, risk of, EWB217, BWB251 Survival: different from thriving, PCSD 194-5 edge of without Real Love, DC 33 futility of, B23Mar12 interferes with thriving, PCSD 2, PCSD 128, PCSD 171 only choice, B02Oct15 vs. thriving, B05Oct12 Susan, RLP394, RLD 17-21, EWB 290, BWB328-9 Suzanne, RLP178-83, RLD 28 Swan-peacock story, RLD 71-2 Sydney, RLP385-6 Sylvia, RLD 105-7 Sympathy: dangers of, DC116-118, DC222-224, RLWM 38 not love, DC381-2 rewards of, RLV 110-111 temptation to offer, DC115 victims manipulate people for, RLV 109-16 Symptoms, see Wounds treating without treating real problem, BWB30-2 Synonyms for love, PCSD 274 T-ball, B07Nov11 Tacking, necessary, B26Oct16 Tailgating, price, B18May16 Takes what it takes, B26Dec13 Talking: excessive, often evidence of need to be right, EWB241 frequency, PCSD 253 lot indicates listening not happening, B23Sep11 loving act, RLW 173-5 stopping as means of reducing conflict, B01Aug11 stopping as means of reducing victimhood, B27Oct14 to children, loving act, RLP150-1 to spouse, sign of Real Love, RLM 97 too much is confusing, B02Apr12 vs. doing, B21May12 Tantrum: examples, B09Aug11 responding to, B09Aug11, RLP229-31, RLP377-9 Tape, playing rest of, B01Jun12


Tar Baby, The, B29Aug12, RLV 244-5 Tardiness, RLV 193-6, RLV 207 Tasks, accomplishment of not the highest goal, B29Apr08 Taylor, PCSD 78-87, PCSD 94, PCSD 105-6, PCSD 108-9, PCSD 165, PCSD 181-2, PCSD 307-11 Teachability, examples, B29Apr16 Teachers: bad, responding to, DC453-6 bullies, DC453-6 development, B29Jan16 effect on children, DC270-271 must understand love, B09Jan08 not taught about love, B09Jan08 power of, B28Nov11 story of two, B09Jan08 unkindness toward children, DC270-271, B28Nov11 unkind in school, RLP386-9 Teaching: consequences as a tool for, see Consequences cost of not, RLW 202-3 courage required, B09Apr12 desired by employees, RLW 202 difficult with Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW 101-2 examples of, B15Aug12, RLP360-1 fear of, B25Apr16 important part of leadership, RLW202-4 intrusion involved occasionally with, B09Apr12 loveandteach, RLW204 loving and, RLWM 11 loving first, DC22, B09Jan08, B28Nov11 loving is the key, B09Jan08 more effective when loving, RLP146 necessary in addition to loving, RLP171-2, RLW202-4 not possible without simultaneous learning, RLWM 2-3 only as much as people can listen, B19Oct12 opportunities to, B15Aug12 purpose, RLW 203-4 purpose to avoid obstacles, B12Dec 11 purpose to expand choices, DC428, B12Dec 11 questions to ask in association with, RLW213 role of, PCSD 270-71, PCSD 276-85, PCSD 287 safety required first, DC22 see Correcting see Truth telling without love, children hear nothing when, RLP146 Teens, 10 commandments for, B10Sep14


Television: addiction, B17Aug11 control of watching in children, B17Aug11, RLP377 Ten Boom, Corrie, RLWM 85 Tennis lessons, metaphor, B20Dec07B Tennis racket, being, B02Sep15 Terrible twos, power and, RLP32-3, RLP46-7 Testimony: altered by emptiness and fear, B20Jan12 Texting: addiction, B17Aug11 control of watching in children, B17Aug11 Therapists: detachment of emotionally, PCSD 275-6 have little experience with Real Love, PCSD 218-19, PCSD 275 successful when loving, PCSD 273-4 synonyms for love, PCSD 274 tend to avoid discussion of love, PCSD 211, PCSD 218-19 why not leave PCSD treatment to, PCSD 218-20 Therapy, traditional, effectiveness, B06Jun16 Therapy, traditional professional: conventional, B12Jan11 general, PCSD 15, PCSD 16, PCSD 218-20 need for, PCSD 304-5 successful because of love of therapist, PCSD 273-4 successful not because of techniques used, PCSD 273-4 tends to encourage victimhood, RLV 170-1, RLV 217 vs coaching, B10Feb16 when to get, PCSD 304-5 Things, to do when unhappy, B14Oct16 Thinking: choice, B15Aug16 fear from, B11Aug14 feel instead, B10Mar14 interferes with trusting, B13Feb14e, B10Mar14, B11Aug14 often distracting, B13Feb14e trust instead, B10Mar14 Thorpe, Ian, B21Nov06B Thoughts: negative, B24Sep14 random, B15Aug16 random, replacing, B24Sep14 stopping, B24Sep14 Threats, unite us, B05Jan15 Three tires, B28Apr11 Tiller, B20Jul11


Time: being on, see Promptness conditional, B24Jun15 “didn’t have enough” excuse, RLP225-6 giving to children when short on, RLP242 limited, B24Jun15 not having for children, an excuse, RLP160-2, RLP242 nothing to a pig, B14Feb11 required to find Real Love, your choice, B14Feb11 timing, RLW236 with children indication of love, RLP160-2 with Real Love fails with some people, RLW 303 without love, people hear nothing when, RLW101-2 Time, giving to people, loving act, RLW194-5 Time-out, need for, B31Aug12, RLP 217, RLP229-31, RLP253-4 To do, thing to create happiness, B14Oct16 Tobacco, deaths from, B6Oct06B Toddler, RLP49, RLP228 learning victimhood, RLV 78 Toddlers, a**holes, B01Apr16 Tolstoy, RLW196 Tony, RLP28-31 Toilet seat, RLV 55-7 Too much, too little, RLWM 120-1 Tools: gained by experience, B08Feb11 many in applying Real Love, B08Feb11 need better in dealing with people, B30Mar11 Touch: avoid sexual confusion with, BWB368 fear of, B24Oct11 holding and, B10Dec14 how to, B24Oct11, B10Dec14 loving act, BWB368 need for, B24Oct11, B18Apr14, B10Dec14 Touching, evidence of Real Love, RLM 95-7, RLM 232 children’s need for, RLP151-2 consequences of not getting enough, RLP151-2 avoid sexual confusion with, EWB 337 loving act, EWB 337 Toyota, RLW3 Town, loving, RL 6-7 Tracy, EWB425-7, BWB440-7 Trading, bad, B30Mar16 Tragedy, understanding, DC459-63 Training:


athletic compared to trials of life, RLV 186-7 discomfort required, B29Apr15 for happiness, B27Nov15 physical, compared to learning Real Love, PCSD 293-4 Trampoline, B01Feb16 Transference: definition, B11Feb15 living, B11Feb15 Translation: of what other people really mean when they speak, B07Sep11 Trapped: by anger, fear, Imitation love, Getting and Protecting Behaviors, and more, B29Aug12 by fear, DC424-5, B29Aug12 never, DC236-239, DC444, DC486, B18Nov07, EWB 173, BWB206 see Choice, always have Trauma: central, PCSD 4-11 identifying correct is important, PCSD 199-202 Tree: lopsided, B27Jan16 pushing, B13Mar15 snapped, B20Jun11 Trials, growth from, B24Jan07 Triggered, ineffective description, B14Mar16 Triggers, PCSD 185-6, PCSD 187-8, PCSD 355-6 Triggers, losing with Real Love, B14Mar16 Truck: like people, B18Apr16 needs gas, B18Apr16 Trust: choice, B03Feb12, B24Dec13, B08Oct14 complete, B06Feb14, B08Oct14 complete required, B06Aug14 complete with one person better than a little with many, B14Jul14 conditional, B03Feb12, B24Dec13 definition, B01Aug12 definition important, B31Jan13 disappointment and anger betray lack of, RLW 298 “earned,� false statement, RLW298 easier than not, B01Dec14, B09Sep15 effects, DC329, B06Feb14, B08Oct14, B29Dec14 eliminates fear, B08Oct14 essential, B09Sep15 evidence of, B20Aug14, B29Dec14 false, B03Feb12


fear, eliminates, B08Oct14 gift, B24Dec13 gives people sense of ownership, RLW298 how get, B06Feb14 importance of, B06Feb14, B03Jun15 in what, B03Feb12, B26May08 key to happy employees, RLW209-16 key to leadership training, RLW209-16 lack of, consequences, RLW210 loss of, DC384, B03Feb12 more in face of difficulty or disappointment, B06Feb14 more than words, B20Aug14 necessary to feeling Real Love, B06Feb14, B08Oct14 nature of, B03Feb12, B06Feb14 no guarantee, B28Mar14 not earned, RL73-8 once, B08Oct14 one person, B08Oct14 only sensible choice, B18Mar15 ourselves, B19Nov12 partial worthless, B06Aug14 people need to feel from leaders, RLW209-16 people while they’re making mistakes, RLW212-13 person, not just principles, B06Feb14, B08Oct14 power of, B08Oct14, B13Feb15 proof of, B20Aug14 rappelling and, B06Feb14 real, B24Dec13 results of, B29Dec14 risk less than not trusting, B20Aug14 risk of, B04Nov16 separates successes in Real Love from failures, B06Feb14 signs of, B29Dec14 solution to fear, B01Dec14 teaching, RLW209-10 that people doing their best, B24Dec13 vs. beliefs, B01Aug12 vs. spoon feeding, B03Jun15 what, B06Feb14 when, B04Nov16 when people making mistakes, B24Dec13 words not enough, B20Aug14 Trusting love, and remembering, B18Sep15 Truth: absolute, B12Sep14 affected by emptiness and fear, B20Jan12


behavior evidence of more than words, DC415, B30May12, RLWM 2, RLWM 37, RLWM 238-9 central, RLWM 114-16 changes everything, B20Aug12, B16Jan14a changes our judgments, B20Aug12 definition, B12Sep14 denial, B08Jun15 doesn’t change with our opinion, B20Jul15 eliminates fear, B16Jan14a essential to happiness, B23May16 essential to solutions, BWB431-2 facing, B08Jun15 five, B16Jan14a, B24Sep14 five, lullaby with, B07Sep16 found in behavior, not words, BWB32 foundation of everything good, EWB 247, EWB 411-13, BWB282, BWB429, BWB431-2 knowing who is telling, DC80 makes miracles possible, BWB282 my, B12Sep14, B15Feb16 not changed by opinion, B09May14, B12Sep14 not harsh, just IS, B20Jul15 not relative, B12Sep14 nothing good possible without, EWB 247, EWB 411-13, BWB282, BWB429 our perception of often incorrect, RLWM 227 partial, B29Oct14 perception altered by emptiness and fear, B20Jan12 polite, B20Jun16 quiet, B20Jun16 remembering, B16Jan14a remembering a choice, B11Sep15 the, B15Feb16 two choices we have when we receive, EWB 192-3, BWB 228-9 uncomfortable to people who live in lies, B24Oct16 your, B15Feb16 Truth, helping others tell about themselves: approaches, three, RLWM 141-5 badly, RLWM 123 by telling the truth about yourself as a wise man, RLWM 122 courage sometimes required, RLWM 117-18 directly, RLWM 141-2 essential part of being wise man, RLWM 105 examples, RLWM 59-60, RLWM 88-9, RLWM 105-6, RLWM 108-11, RLWM 121, RLWM 141-4, RLWM 177, RLWM 177-80, RLWM 190-2, RLWM 201-3, RLWM 2048, RLWM 229-30, RLWM 232-5 mistakes in, RLWM 118 not always well-received, RLWM 10


proposing words to say, RLWM 143-4 purposes, RLWM 105-6 questions, using, RLWM 142-3 responsibility to, RLWM 232-3 safety needed, RLWM 111-12 too much and too little, RLWM 120-1 when it’s none of your business, RLWM 119-20 when not to, RLWM 117-18, RLWM 123, RLWM 179-80, RLWM 201-2, RLWM 216-7, RLWM 230-1, RLWM 233, also see Rules of Seeing, Fourth when to, RLWM 119-20, RLWM 140 when you are subject of their Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLWM 118-19, RLWM 123, RLWM 201 Truth-Seen-Accepted-Loved: described, RL44, RLM 55, RLP43, RLP125-6, RLD 33-4, RLD 53, RLWM 6, PCSD 151, RLV 22, RLV 209, RLW64, EWB 186, BWB124, BWB220, BWB 232, BWB282 example, RLW120-24, RLW196 in treatment, PCSD 231, PCSD 235 Truth-telling: ability to, a criterion for finding partner, RLD 111 about another person, criteria for, DC393, DC490 about another person, sometimes necessary, DC393-4 about being wrong, EWB 205-7, EWB 386, EWB 411-13, BWB240-2, BWB2856, BWB287-8 about being wrong, not about content, BWB242, BWB287-8 about being wrong, preparation for, BWB249-50 about choices, B28Apr11 about emptiness and fear of others makes us more loving, BWB277 about feelings, DC50, B28Apr11 about Getting and Protecting Behaviors, EWB 144, EWB 217-21, EWB 411-3, BWB252-6 about love in our lives, B27Feb12 about mistakes, DC4, DC27, DC50, DC54, RLD 86-7, EWB 195-7, EWB 411-3, BWB243-8 about mistakes, examples, BWB233-4 about myself much more effective than about others, EWB 211-3 about our anger and selfishness thereof, PCSD 235-6 about our choices, PCSD 240-5 about our feelings, PCSD 237-40, PCSD 240-5 about our mistakes, PCSD 245-6, RLV 213-15 about our not being loving, EWB 255, EWB 301, EWB 386 about our selfishness, PCSD 245, RLV 215-16, RLV 217-21 about ourselves, DC31, B25Dec07, B28Apr11, RLM 61, RLM 62-3, RLM 64-6, RLM 71-2 about ourselves not others, RLD 79-80, PCSD 236, RLV 210-11, EWB 193, EWB 247-9, BWB231-3 about other people, how to do productively, EWB 243-7, BWB282, BWB292 about other people, intended to help them feel loved and make better choices, BWB282, BWB292 about others, DC56, RL173-7, RL 245, RL 246-8


about others, examples, RLW 149-51,RLW 154-5, RLW234-6, RLW245-6,RLW 323-4 about others, keeps us stuck, B01Jun11 about others, motivation for,RLW234 about others necessary to lead and guide people, RLW149-51, RLW199-200 about others necessary to put people in the right jobs, RLW 142-9 about others one of the most difficult responsibilities for leader, RLW199-200 about own mistakes, four miracles that follow, EWB 207 about past can change it, RLP127-33 about self, first few dates, RLD 73-5 about selfishness, examples, EWB 205, BWB242 about unloving parent, B08Oct12, EWB 263-5 about what we get from being victims, RLV 202-4 about what’s right, B28Apr11 about what’s wrong, B28Apr11 about wounds, B28Apr11 about your spouse, RLM 137-38, RLM 223-37 about your spouse, for context only, RLM 71-2 about your spouse, four questions to ask before, RLM 252-55 about your spouse, purpose, RLM 221-33 about your spouse, risk of, RLM 224-26 about your spouse, how hard to push, RLM 226 about your spouse, mistakes, RLM 235-37 about your spouse, what to say, RLM 231-35 about your spouse, when RLM 223-26, RLM 252-55 about your spouse, when not to, RLM 226-31, RLM 252-55 acceptance after, EWB 223 acceptance not guaranteed with, RLP117 accepting while others do, RLW169-70 all of, DC451-2 allowing other people to before pushing them to, RLW169-70 as often as possible, RLV 213 at every opportunity, EWB 270, EWB 272 attracts loving people, B12Oct12 attracts wise men and women, EWB 199, BWB234 avoid distraction of sex, BWB421 avoid where expectations high, RLD 60 avoid where potential for injury unnecessarily high, RLD 60 avoid where other people injured, RLD 61 avoid with our children where goal is to be loved, RLD 61 bad experiences with, DC45 basis for relationship, DC53 better than repeating lies of past, B27Feb12 Biblical references to, BWB232-3, BWB235 can’t lose by trying, BWB236-7 casual, RLD 63 children, necessary for feeling loved, RLP125-6


choice not to use Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLW155 commitment to, EWB 270 connects us, B12Oct12 courage required, RLW120-24, BWB236-7 creates opportunity to be loved unconditionally, DC2, DC3, DC50, DC56, B12Oct12, RL 46, RL 82, RL 86, RLD 34, RLD 53, PCSD 249, EWB 186, EWB 209, BWB220, BWB234, 2BWB36-7, BWB244-6, BWB277, BWB288-9 creates environment where other people can be truthful, RLW 154-6, RLW169-70, RLW1979 creates opportunity to feel loved, RLP43-5, RLP125-6, RLP136-7, RLP140-1 creates safe environment for partner to tell truth, EWB 211, BWB246-7 decreases blaming and increases happiness, PCSD 252-3 decreases fear and disgust, PCSD 249-50 decreases likelihood of unproductive behaviors, PCSD 250 desire to, BWB237 details not important, BWB242 difficult, DC353-4 difficult in the beginning, RLW130-31,RLW321-2 directly, clearly, EWB 407, EWB 411-3, BWB292 disarming, B12Feb07 don’t admit mistake you didn’t make, BWB285-6 easy, natural, BWB255 easier than consequences of not doing it, DC96, B05Feb08, B04Apr11 easier than getting and protecting behaviors, RL 114, BWB230-1, BWB260-1 effect of, DC53, DC280-281, RLW140-57, RLW157-9, EWB 409, BWB245-6, BWB2889, BWB427 effects, examples, RLM 170-72, RLW22-3, RLW139-40 eliminates conflict, EWB 207-9, EWB 211, EWB 386-9, BWB243-4, BWB246 eliminating conflict with, RLM 33-6, RLM 129-37 eliminating Getting and Protecting Behaviors with, RL 244-6 eliminating our victimhood with, RLV 199-202 essential to feeling loved, RLV 22, RLV 209-10, RLW64 essential to leadership, RLW156-7 every day, EWB 272, BWB307-8 examples, see Wise Man, examples of helping truth-telling examples, DC23, DC45, DC56, DC67, DC79, DC170, DC187, DC301, B18Mar07A, 16Nov07, B25Dec07, B10Mar08, B29Oct14, RL 80-1, RL 85-94, RL 103-11, RL 124-8, RLM 70-1, RLD 63-6, RLD 73-5, RLD 79-89, PCSD 248 example, about our own victimhood, RLV 199-202 example, about the victimhood of another person, RLV 199-202, RLV 218-21 example, correcting common lies ,RLW 66 example, direct report to leader, RLW149-53, RLW169-70 example, leader to coach, RLW120-23 example, leader to direct report, RLW22-3,RLW127,RLW 154-5 example, to co-worker, RLW153-4 examples, parent to adult child, DC466


examples, parent to child, B27Jan12, B08Oct12 examples, parents helping child tell truth about child’s mistakes, RLP172-3, RLP175-7, RLP213-4, RLP292-3, RLP356-7 examples, parents telling truth about selves to child, RLP127, RLP130-1, RLP134-5, RLP198-9, RLP214, RLP 292 examples, parents telling truth about selves to other adults, RLP100-101, RLP103-4, RLP106-14, RLP114-6, RLP197-9 exercises in, RLP106-14, RLD 75-89 excuses for not, B05Feb08, EWB 211-3, BWB304 exercises in, RL 103-11, RLD 58-60 expectations ruin, DC45 faith in, DC14, RLD 54, RLD 62 faith required, RL 69-70, RL 78, RL 83, RL 114, RL 118-19, RLM 72-3, RLM 180-84, RLM 224-26, RLV 216-17, RLW157-60, BWB258 fear of, BWB236-7, BWB238, BWB241, BWB245 feedback for, B29Feb16 finding wise man with, PCSD 291-4 for understanding, DC386 freedom of, *DC353-4 RL 95, RLP101, EWB 31-38, EWB 144, EWB 256-7, BWB278, BWB288-9, BWB292 frightening, RLD 54 from spouse about us, RLM 237-38 gives us ability to focus on what we can solve, EWB 211, BWB247-8 gradual, DC358, RLD 55, RLD 63, RLD 73, RLD 75, PCSD 246-7, RLV 211-13, RLW 125-6, EWB 193, EWB 225, EWB 270, EWB 409, BWB231, BWB255, BWB290, BWB303 guidelines for, RLW124-38 happy even when not accepted by others, EWB 211 hard, not, RL 114 harsh sometimes, B12Feb07, B26Nov07, B10Mar08 heals old wounds, RLP127-33 helping partner to early in relationship, RLD 147-8 helping people to, B23Sep11 how, PCSD 291-4, RLV 35-6 importance of in relationships, DC458 impossible for some people, BWB247 in marriage, DC392-4, B01Aug14 in Real Love Group, RLD 67 in treatment of PTSD, PCSD 254-8 in workplace, RLW 126-9, RLW134-5, RLW158-9, RLW256-7 in workplace, examples, RLW22, RLW126-8,RLW134-5, RLW154-5,RLW 197-8 includes love not just negative, B27Feb12 increases available choices, PCSD 250-2 increases connection to people, PCSD 253 Jesus, examples of, BWB235-6, BWB245-6 kind of not critical, DC434


leadership requires, RLW156-7,RLW 234-6 learning about, resources, RLP104, RLP123-4 like learning a foreign language, PCSD 235, EWB 405 loving act, RLW155, BWB368, BWB427,BWB 443 makes Real Love possible, DC4, *DC53 many opportunities to, BWB304-5 minimizing pain of, B03Jul15 miracles of, BWB243-8, BWB282, BWB304-5 moves us from Field of Death to Field of Life, BWB221-2, BWB243-4 natural, easy, BWB255 natural result of loving and teaching, PCSD 234-5 necessary to feel loved, DC4, DC179-181, B12Feb07, B06Apr07, 16Nov07, RL 46, RL 86, RL 94, RLM 55-6 necessary to make better decisions, B06Apr07, 16Nov07, B25Dec07, B26Jan11, B04Mar11 not to people who allow us to be victims, RLV 211-13,RLV 235-8 not when can’t get loved, RLD 62, RLD 75, EWB 399 not when expectations high, EWB 401-3, BWB420, BWB427 not when harmful to us or them, RL 96 often, RLD 66, EWB 270 often as possible, RLW134 on date, examples, RLD 73-5 on date, indispensable, RLD 71 on date, not until you feel loved by others, RLD 62 on first few dates, RLD 73-5, RLD 147-8 on later dates, RLD 149-50 outside family, fear of, BWB420 painful sometimes, B18Mar07B, B25Dec07, B23Sep11 parent to child, B27Jan12 parents to children, about parents’ feelings and learning, RLP134-6 parents to children, about parents’ mistakes, RLP126-7 parents to children, about parents’ past, RLP127-32, RLP133-4 parents to children, about the children, purpose, RLP140-1 parents to children, gives them example, RLP126-7, RLP133-4 parents to children, purpose, RLP132 parents to children, purpose not to get loved, RLP132 parents to children, without anger, RLP171 parents to other adults, purpose, RLP132 parents to other adults as practice before trying with children, RLP131 persistence required, RL 93-4, BWB258 personal, RLW135-8 personal, examples, RLW 129-30, RLW135-8 personal different from workplace,RLW126-9 power of, B25Dec07 practicing, RLP106-14, BWB249 preparation for, risks of, actual, RLD 54, RLD 68-9, RLD 90-1, RLD 92-3, RLD 93-4, EWB 213, BWB249-50


provokes discomfort in others, B24Oct16 purpose of, B12Dec14 purpose of (about mistakes), DC4, B26Jan11 purpose of to direct reports vs. to wise men, RLW198-9 purposes of, two, RLV 212-13, RLW237-8, RLW 258 reasons for, DC380, DC385-7 reasons to, RLW140-57 required for eliminating stress and waste, RLW 149-53 required for learning and growing, RLW140-42, RLW216-17 responding to, B10Mar08, B29Feb16 responding to, examples, B10Mar08 responding to by acknowledging, B10Mar08 response not always positive, EWB 197, EWB 217, BWB 250-1, BWB257-8 results of, RLV 212-13, RLV 213-14, EWB 213, EWB 223, BWB304-5 rewards of, DC313, PCSD 248-53, BWB304-5 risk, avoid unnecessary, RLW126 risk of, RLP106, RLP117-8, RLV 216-17, RLV 249-51, RLW126, RLW136, RLW159 risks of, actual, EWB 227, BWB236-7, BWB245, BWB250-2, BWB259, BWB260-1 risks small, RL94, RLM 60-1, RLM 65, RLM 73, RLM 181, RLM 224-26 role in eliminating victimhood in our lives, RLV 199-205 rules of seeing, see Rules of Seeing see Truth - Seen – Accepted - Loved separates wise men from those who are not, B01Jul11 simplicity of, EWB 257, BWB290 sugar coat, don’t, B10Mar08 takes us off Field of Death, EWB 207-9 teaching and, PCSD 270-1 teaching children to, RLP125-41 teaching children how to about their victimhood, RLV 204-5 teaching other people how to, RLW 196-200 teaching other people how to about their victimhood, RLV 199-202, RLV 204-5, RLV 21821, RLV 235-8 to eliminate conflict, DC386 to find Real Love, DC387 to people other than spouse, RLM 53-76 to people who are capable of accepting us, PCSD 236-7, RLV 211-13 to spouse, RLM 56-65, RLM 132-34 to spouse, examples, RL 86-7, RL149-51, RL171-2, RLM61, RLM 64-5 to yourself, RLM 135-37, RLW322 to whom, RLP102-3, RLD 55-62 RLD uncomfortable in the beginning, EWB 227-9, EWB 405, BWB260, BWB306 understanding it is not enough, RL 118 were you loving?, EWB 249 What-What-Why-What-What as help in, EWB 243-56, EWB 385 what to do when rejected, RL93-4, RL95-6, RLD90-1, EWB 225, BWB258 what to say, RL85-94


when not to, EWB 399, BWB420, BWB427 when spouse objects, RLM 74-6 while mistakes small and easier to correct, B03Jun11 whole, PCSD 243-5 why, B12Dec14 why we don’t, B05Feb08 Wise Man, how helped Wart King to tell truth, BWB 227 without distraction of sex, BWB 421 without expectations, BWB 420 Truth, telling about ourselves: about what, RLWM 228 attracts wise men, 12 choice, see Faith, choice consequences of, RLWM 237-8 consistent needed, RLWM 14-15 easier than getting and protecting, RLWM 89 effect of, RLWM 89 examples, RLWM 88-9, RLWM 241 exercises to help is, RLWM 275-9 freedom of, RLWM 218 in workplace, RLWM 238 lying, see Lying negative things, about, necessary, RLWM 112-14, RLWM 195 not appropriate sometimes, RLWM 117 not others, RLV 210-11 purposes, RLWM 105-6 reasons to, RLWM 237 resolving conflict by, RLWM 227-32 risk, RLWM 12, RLWM 14 to ourselves, RLWM 232 to person we’re in conflict with, RLWM 229-31 to whom, RLWM 12-14 waiting after to find wise men and Real Love, RLWM 16, RLWM 56 what to say, see Truth, telling about ourselves, examples what to say when finding wise man, RLWM 14-15 when, RLWM 12-15, RLWM 116-17 when not to, RLWM 116-17 Try(ing): meaningless, B11Jan16 proven by actions, B02Jan13 see actions, B02Jan13 truth of, B11Jan16 used as an excuse for actually doing something,, B06Jun11 Try harder, usually not enough, BWB432-3 Trying harder, ineffectiveness of, RLW139-40


Turkeys, hunting, RLW125, EWB197, BWB234 Turnover, see Employee turnover Turtle eggs, B01Feb11 Tutsis, RLV 172-9 Twelve-step programs: compared to Real Love approach, B04Aug07 use of, B04Aug07 Twelve questions of Buckingham and Coffman, RLW28 Twilight Zone, B28Mar14 Twin Towers, B05Nov08 Twenty million dollars metaphor, DC3 Twenty million dollars, Real Love like having, RLWM 81-2 Two choices (control people vs. find Real Love): metaphor, EWB121 Two dollars vs. twenty million, RL117-18, RLM 37, RLM 80-2, RLM167-68, RLP19-20, RLP74-5, RLD 46-8 compared to the inconveniences of daily life, RLV 26, RLW98 don’t fuss over two dollars you can’t have, EWB418, BWB 434 examples of using metaphor, PCSD 241-2, RLV 25-7, RLW 161 introduced, EWB119-21, BWB137-8 losing two dollars nothing when you have twenty million, EWB155-6, BWB186 metaphor of, PCSD 241-2, RLV 25-6, RLW 72 practical use of, RLD67-8, RLD100, RLD 140, EWB119, EWB125, EWB155-6, EWB399, EWB 418, BWB138, BWB141, BWB186, BWB209-10 Two-fold solutions, B22Jul15 Two legs of Real Love, B21Sep09 Tyler, RLP83-4 Ugly duckling, B04May15 Uncertainty, B05Oct15 Understanding: before love, B04Feb15 good, but feeling loved better, RLWM 65, RLWM 283 judgments associated with, B11Nov15 lack of, claim, B26Sep16 lack of, claiming, B18Mar16 less important sometimes than simply trusting and doing, B10Apr15 nobody has of us, B11Nov15 not required for love, B11Nov15 part of the Real Love process, B21Sep09 power of, PCSD 3, PCSD 20, PCSD 32-3 vs. action, B05Nov12 Unfair (unfairness): rarely true when people complain about, B23Dec11 treatment, usually caused by ourselves, B23Dec11 Unhappy: caused by lack of Real Love, not partner, RLD 7, RLD 204


evidence of, EWB15-7 sign that we’re wrong, EWB347 Unhappy employees: cause of not the job but lack of Real Love, RLW90-91 effect on workplace, RLW 18-19 Unhappiness: cause, DC124-128, DC323 caused by Lack of Real Love, RL3-4, RL 11-14, RL125 cause of, B26Sep16 choosing, B26Dec14 eliminated by love, B29Aug11 familiar, B26Dec14 lack of Real Love in childhood cause of, DC323 learn from, DC118-119 not caused by other people, DC426-7 not real, actually absence of happiness, B29Aug11 sign that we’re wrong, RL 66-7 solution for, B26Sep16 time-out when experiencing, B31Aug12 understanding cause makes change possible, RL 13-14 wrong, DC426-9 Unique, and necessary, B19Jan15 Unity: in marriage, B10Apr09 Unique, each of us is, B10Jul15 Unloved: effects, RL 24 fear of, RL 5 Unloving things to say, B01Oct12 Unpredictability, PCSD 103-4 Untouchables, The, the movie, DC181 Upset, when, declaring only love what we can’t have, EWB173, BWB204 Used, being by other people, DC11, DC100-103 by men for sex, DC12 responding to, DC493-4 understanding, DC493-4 Valentine’s Day: gifts for, DC205-7 Values: examples, RLW 207-8 used to create sense of meaning, RLW 206-8 Vasectomy, DC170-172 Velveteen Rabbit, B02May14 Veterinarians, difficult job, B15Apr16 Veto Principle, B03Sep09


Vic, B09May07 Vicki, RLP13-14, RLP134-5 Victim: being vs. acting like, RLV 25-6 definition, RLV 26 true, RLV 25, RLV 26 Victim factor: RLV 141-2 defined,DC193 used to inflame situations, DC192-195 Victimhood: B09Oct15 accepted as normal in our society, RLV 10 addiction, DC58, B30Jan08 addiction caused or worsened by, RLV 162-5 beliefs of, RLV 4 benefits of, RLV 5 benefits of eliminating, RLV 263 caused by a lack of Real Love, RLV 10-26 caused by emptiness, RLV 41-3 children’s anger and rebellion caused by, RLV 162 choice, DC255-256, B31Jan09, B08Oct12, B19Mar14, RLV 25-6, RLV 148-9, RLV 185-6 civil conflicts and, RLV 172-9 common to the point of being accepted as normal, RLV 10 continues because victims are rewarded for it, B31Jan09 controlling and, RLV 75-8 cost of, RLP221-2 cost of in society, RLV 352 cost of in workplace, RLV 227-31 creates a role for people to occupy in the world, RLV 124-6 crippled by, PCSD 345-52 dangers of, DC125-128, B30Jan08, B19Oct11 definition, RLP47-9, RLV 4-5 described, PCSD 162-6 disease of, RLV 1-2, RLV 3-4 distraction of, B6Oct06B effects, B11Apr14, RLV 3-4, RLV 181-2 eliminated by Real Love, RLP315-6 eliminating by telling the truth about ourselves, RLV 199-202 eliminating with Real Love, RLV 35-6, RLV 209-39 eliminating with understanding, RLV 181-208 emptiness motivation for, RLV 41-3 emptiness of, DC277 evidence of, B17Aug16 examples, B18Mar07B, B09May07, B30Jan08, B09Aug11, B19Oct11, RLP47-8, PCSD 163-4, RLV 2-3, RLV 6-9, RLV 46-9, RLV 64, RLV 79, RLV 80, RLV 80-


RLV 84, RLV 91, RLV 92-3, RLV 97-8, RLV 103-4, RLV 106-7, RLV 11819, RLV 122-4, RLV 133-5, RLV 135-7, RLV 137-40, RLV 147-8, RLV 1523, RLV 153-4, RLV 157-8, RLV 159-60, RLV 166-7, RLV 167-8, RLV 18791, RLV 247, RLV 276-83, RLV 306-8 examples, spoken, RLV 80-4, RLV 297- 306 examples of children speaking like, RLV 305-6 exchanging, RLV 2-3 excuses for, B18Mar07B, RLV 41-63 feeds itself, B24Sep14 foundation for other Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLV 86-94 foundations for, RLV 41-63 Getting and Protecting Behavior, PCSD 162-6 handicapped people and, RLV 169-70 healed by Real Love, DC255-256 hypocrisy of, DC192-195 impossible, B30Jan08 incidence of, RLV 182 injury at the core of, RLV 102-4, RLV 106-7 international conflicts and, RLV 172, RLV 179 irritating to others, DC127-128 justifies our anger, DC182 justification for revenge, DC182, RLV 70 justifications for, RLV 41-63, RLV 49 Law of Choice, understanding of in eliminating, RLV 182-92 language of, B17Aug16 learned, PCSD 164-5, RLV 78-80, RLV 94-7, RLV 110, RLV 125-6, RLV 149-50 learning, how, RLP49 like jumping up and down on broken glass, B28Dec11 makes happiness impossible, B30Jan08, B28Dec11 manipulations of, B31Jan09 marriage and, RLV 152-3 myth of, DC200 negative consequences of, RLV 131-50 other Getting and Protecting Behaviors and, RLV 85-100 painful, B28Dec11 parents to children, RLP87-8, RLP210, RLP238-9 patterns of behavior of, RLV 5 power of, RLV 238-9 provokes Protecting Behaviors in others, RLV 185 recovery from, B25Feb15 refusal to heal in, B15Aug14 responding to, DC475-6, B18Mar07B, B09May07, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, B27Oct14, PCSD 361-3 responding to badly, RLP49, RLP220, RLP224-5 responding to productively, RLP222-3, RLP225-8, RLP229-31 rewards of, RLV 5, RLV 101-29


rightness at the core of, RLV 102-4, RLV 106-7 see Getting and Protecting Behaviors self-help encourages, RLV 170-2 selfishness of, RLV 6-10 seriousness of, RLV 3-4 sex as claim for, RLV 152-3, RLV 157-62 stopping, B27Oct14 stupid, RLV 148-9 taught, DC475-6 teaching children about, RLV 191, RLV 266-70 teaching children to respond to in others, RLP231-2, therapy encourages, RLV 170-1 tools of, PCSD 162-3, RLV 5 treatment of, PCSD 345-52 truth about, DC277 understanding, B25Feb15 unproductive, RLV 148-9 vs. victimized, B25Feb15 why children do, RLP219 why parents give in to, RLP220-2 why we use, RLV 101 words of, B17Aug16 workplace and, RLV 166-8 worshiped in the United States, RLV 170-1 Victimized, vs victimhood, B25Feb15 Victims and being victim: always right, DC183, B30Jan08, B02Mar11, B19Oct11 anger and fear, RL 255 blame, RLWM 203-4 can’t be grateful, DC182, B09Aug11 can’t be satisfied, DC183, B09Aug11 choice, RLWM 206, RLWM 213 cost of, RLWM 213 definition, EWB123-5, BWB141 demand love, DC442-3, B09Aug11 demanding, DC183 deny responsibility for their behavior, B19Oct11 description, RL 26, RL 255-6 eliminated by Real Love, examples, DC182-183, DC227-230, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, RL 251-2, RL 255-6 RLWM 203-4 examples of being, EWB 123-5, BWB141 feel entitled, DC499, B09Aug11 fight help, B15Aug14 focus on justice, DC182 force others to participate in their victimhood, DC126-128 helping people to see, RLWM 204-8


hostages to, DC166-167, B09Aug11 irresponsible, RLWM 205 let them go away, B28May14 makes us more empty and afraid and likely to use Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RL 73 manipulations of, DC227-230, B31Jan09, B09Aug11 never argue with, B28May14 never have better way, just complain, B02Sep08 never responsible, B30Jan08, B09Aug11 never wrong, B09Aug11 reacting to, RL 255-6 real, RLWM 213-14 recognizing, RLWM 209 rewards of, RLWM 209-13 responding to, DC166-167, DC222-224, DC227-230, DC381-2, DC450-1, DC477-9, B30Jan08, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, B28May14 root of all Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLWM 209 sneaky, B19Mar14 solution for, RLWM 214 spread their misery, B19Oct11 tale of two, B31Jan09, B19Oct11 teaching children they are not, RLP315-6 telling truth about, RLWM 203-14 true, DC254 use lots of words, B02Mar11 we actually are, EWB 123-5, BWB141 we’re afraid of, B31Jan09, B09Aug11, B28May14 we’re all true, DC254 Victims and acting like victims, RLM 21-2 act hurt all the time, RLV57-9, RLV102-4, RLV106-7 also liars, RLV145, RLW279 angry, RLV144-5 arguing with, RLV244-5 arrogant, RLV34 attacking, RLV 43 beliefs and behaviors of, RLV 43, RLV55-70 benefits of, RLW75-6 blaming of, RLV 63-4, RLV106-7, RLV133 book about, Real Love and Freedom for the Soul, RLW279 can’t be free, RLV146-8 can’t be happy, RLV148-9 can’t be loving, RLV133-5 can’t feel loved when, RLV132-3, EWB125, BWB142 can’t grow, RLV135-7, RLV 137-40 can’t have intimate relationships, RLV133-5 characteristics, RLW272-3 characteristics, cost of, RLV131-50


cost of, RLW78-82 dangerous, RLV43 defined, RLD 38-40 definition, RLW75 demanding, RLV 43, RLV 49-50 different from being victims, EWB123-5, BWB141 effects of, RLD 40 eliminated by Real Love, eliminating irritation toward by understanding them as drowning, RLV 32-4 eliminated by Real Love, RLW80-81, EWB123 eliminating, benefits of, RLW80-82 eliminating, profits from, RLW 80-82 enslavement by, RLV 243-5 entitlement a result of, RLW6 examples, RLD 38-40, RLV64, RLW 75, RLW76-8, RLW266-9, RLW270-71, RLW274-9, EWB123-5, BWB142 fairness, concept of, RLV59-61 false, RLV111-16 feeling imprisoned by, RLV 243-5 guaranteed to be angry, RLV144-5 guilt a tool of, RLV107-9 guilt of, RLV66-7 how we protect ourselves from, RLV 242-3 “I don’t love you” the message of, RLW267 inconvenienced, belief that they are by others, RLV55-7 injuries proudly displayed by, RLV102-4, RLV106-7 irrational, RLV34 irresponsible, RLV 63-4, RLV121-4, RLV137-40 Law of Choice and, RLV 67-71 lazy, RLV140 lie, RLV145 make excuses, RLV63-4 manipulate people for support and power, RLV 116-21 manipulate people for sympathy and attention, RLV 109-16 motivations for responding to, RLV 105 negative effects of, RLV 241-2 never respond to with Getting and Protecting Behaviors, RLV 246-7, RLV 284-5 of fate, RLV64-6, RLV 127-8 of fate, responding to, RLV 293-4 protecting ourselves from RLV 242-3 raise more victims, RLV149-50 real meaning of what they say and do, RLV6-10 responding productively to customers who are, RLW270-71 responding productively to employees who are, RLW266-9, RLW272-4 responding to, RLV245-311, RLV 276-83 responding to by describing what you’re doing and choices available, RLV 270-1


responding to by giving what is needed and what can be given freely, RLV 254-62, RLV285 responding to by imposing consequences, RLV 271-5 responding to by listening to, RLV251-4, RLV285-6 responding to by staying off the Field of Death, RLV275-6 responding to by teaching them the truth about human behavior, RLV262-70 responding to by telling them the truth about ourselves, RLV247-52, RLV287-8 responding to by telling them the truth about them, RLV103-4, RLV133-5, RLV1678, RLV196-7, RLV199-202 responding to statements by, RLW274-9 responding to what they say, RLV297-308 rightness of, RLV102-4, RLV106-7 self-inflicted, RLV127-9, RLV294-6 selfish, RLV43, RLV62-3 special, RLV 126-7 spoiled, RLV140 stealing justified by, RLW 6 tactics of, RLW75-8 teaching children how to respond to, RLV306-8 true, RLV25, RLV148 vicarious, RLV119-21 Visualization, about feeling loved, RLW13-14 Voltaire, RLW 141 what they say, RLV80-4 why we, RLD 40 worthlessness, feelings of, RLV66-7 Video games: addiction, B17Aug11 controlling of in children, B17Aug11 metaphor, B17Feb16 View, long, B22Aug16 Vikings, prayer of, B08Jan16 Vine(s): growing, B28Nov16 remove early, B28Nov16 story, RL39 wisteria, B27Jun16 Virginia, EWB421-5, BWB437-9 Visualization, RL6-7 Vitamin C, RLP7-8 Voice, having, B07May14 Voices: old, B12Oct16 loud, B20Jun16 Volcano flows, plant growth in, B24Jan12 Volume, emotional, B11Feb13 Votes, worthless in determining truth, B23Jul12


Vulnerability: defined, B29Aug16 imitations of, B29Aug16 Vulnerable, necessary, B10Aug15 W’s, the Five examples, PCSD 240-5, PCSD 250-2, PCSD 262-4 using to tell the truth about ourselves, PCSD 240-5 Waiting, victimhood and, RLV 206 Walk in woods, metaphor, PCSD 268-9, RLV 309-10 Wal-Mart, metaphor for teaching with consequences, DC143 Walter, RLP401-2 “Want,” meaning of, B14Dec 15 Wanter, responsible for getting what he wants, B25Mar15 Wanting, motivation problematic, B02Sep16 Wants vs. needs, DC361-2, B19Mar14, PCSD 358-61 War: responding to, DC459-63 understanding, DC459-63 Warrior 13th, prayer in, B08Jan16 Wart King: metaphor compared to your life, EWB187-9, BWB222-7 story of, RL 41-4, RLM 53-5 took steps to find Real Love, RL 64 Water, compared to Real Love, RLWM 266 Water leaking in basement, EWB144 Waterfall, functions when pumps function, B22Jan16, B01Jun16 Waterfalls, B03Jun11 Wave, unseen, B26Jan11 Wayne, RLP158, RLP297-300 Wealth: emptiness of, B22Aug11 pursuit of, B22Aug11 Wedding vows, what we hear, RLV 73 Weeds: deceptive if they grow cotton candy, B13Jul09 definition, B13Jul09, definition, B21Sep15 eliminating, B21Sep15 grow quickly, B13Jul09 in our lives, B13Jul09 look like desirable plants, B09Dec08 pulling, B09Feb15 Weeping, why, B26Nov14 Weight, less important than feeling loved, DC504 Weight lifting: metaphor for identifying the limits of our abilities to love, B20Dec07C metaphor for learning Real Love, DC155, DC330, B05Feb08 Weights, lifting, ability to compared to ability to love, EWB 293


Weird: difficult to understand, B06Jul16 we are all, B06Jul16 What do you really want, see Choices, what really want What people say and do (real meaning), RLV 6-9, RLV46-9, RLV 69 What-What-Why-What-What: 1. What did he/she/they do?, RLW 131-2, RLW242, RLW281-2, BWB27881, BWB291, BWB423, BWB440 2. What did you do?, RLW 132-3,RLW 242, BWB282-4, 2BWB92-3, BWB4234, BWB431, BWB440, BWB447-8 3. Why did you both behave as you did?, RLW133-4, RLW 2, BWB284-5, BWB293, BWB426-7 4. Knowing what you know now, what would you do differently under similar circumstances next time?, RLW243, BWB285-6, BWB293-4, BWB427, BWB432-3, BWB444-5 5. What could you do right now to make things different?, RLW243, RLW281-2 examples of using, RLW 131-4, RLW242-3, EWB243-56, EWB239, EWB2923, EWB385, EWB405, EWB413-5, BWB286-8, BWB407 introduction to, RLW130-31, EWB243, BWB278-88 What-What-Why-What-What, see W’s, the Five Wheat, winnowing, B01Jul11 “Where are you going?” meaning of, RLP110 Whining: not helpful, B28Jul14 vs. eating, B15Aug14 Who we are: accepting all of it, B05Aug16 all integrated, B05Aug16 composed of so many parts, B05Aug16 confusion about, 04Jul11, B08Jul15 covered by what we were taught, B24Feb14e, B16Jul14 demonstrated by our behavior, B16Mar16 discover with Real love, B24Feb14e, B02May14, B30May14, B16Jul14 discovered by action, B02Sep15 distorted by pain and fear, B08Jul15 expressing in conflict, B25Mar16 expression according to whether we’re afraid or loved, B16Jul14 finding, B08Jul15, B31Oct16 getting help to see, 04Jul11, B02May14 hidden, B11Mar15 how to find, B02Sep15 importance of being, B25Mar16 learning, B02May14, B30May14 losing with pain and fear, B15Jul16 lost when we earn acceptance, B29Aug14 not collection of our G&PBs, B24Feb14e, B16Jul14 pain distorts, and then we can’t see, B16Jul14


revealed by love, B11Mar15 seeing, B4Dec06, 04Jul11, B04May15, B05Aug16 self-deception about, B16Jul14, B29Aug14 sense of not innate, B24Feb14e we don’t see, B04May15 Whole package, B14Aug15 “Why,” meaning of, B21Dec15 Wilcox, Ella Wheeler, RLWM 50 Willingness: to change required for relationship, B28Oct11 Will power: alone now enough for success, B20Dec07B often not enough, BWB 432-3 William, RLD 127 Wind, needed, B25Nov16 Winds of Fate, poem, RLWM 50 Wings and Real Love, B07Nov06 Winning: dangers of, DC247, B23Jan08 obsession with, B23Jan08 power from, DC247 see Competition Wise man, how helped Wart King to tell truth, EWB191, BWB227 Wise Man, The, book, purpose of, RLWM 1, RLWM 39 Wise Man, the, story of, RL41-4, RLM 53-5 Wise man, unafraid of causing pain, B14Sep16 Wise men (and women): attracted to truth, RL 83, RLM 55-6, RLWM 12 becoming, RLWM 4-6 beginner, examples, RL 89-90 can’t choose the specific one you want to love you, RLWM 8 can’t judge by effect on others, B25Jun14 changing relationship with, RLWM 16-17 created by truth-telling, RL 83-4 creating, RLWM15, RLW137, RLP105 criticizing, B26Oct16 dangers of being, B02Nov11 definition, RL 46, RL 83, RLM 56, RLP102, RLD 56, RLWM 1, RLW125, BWB17 discouragement as, RLWM 101-2 effect of, RL 76, RL 80-2, RL 210 eliminates emptiness and fear and conflict, examples, BWB330 examples of correcting, RL 75-8, RL 155 examples of helping truth-telling, RL 75-8, RL 80-2, RL 89-90, RL 97-9, RL 101-2, RL 11819, RL 124-8, RL 129-30, RL 144-6, RL 146-7, RL 219-20, RL 245, RL 246-8, RL2489, RL255-6 example of seeing, RL80-2, RL101-2, RL137-9


expressing love, B25Mar08 faith in people learning, B26May08 faith not in himself, RLWM 272 feeling of Real Love from, B21Sep09, B18Jan12 feels loved, RLWM 3-6 find by telling the truth about ourselves, PCSD 236-7, PCSD 246-8, PCSD 291-4, PCSD 318 finding, RL83-5, RL94, RLM 55-6, RLM 69-73, RLP103, RLP105, RLWM 12-17, RLW 125, RLW136-7, BWB17 finding combination of loving, teaching, and faith, B05Aug15 finding, how, B01Jul11 gender can be distracting, RLWM 16 getting help from before too late, B18May11 giving and receiving, RLWM 2-3 giving up on people, RLWM 167-9 help us see who we really are, 04Jul11, B26Dec13 helping drowning people, B02Nov11, B16Mar12, B20Aug14 helping people tell the truth about themselves, not always well received, RLWM 10 imitation, description, RLWM 20-2 imitation, examples, RLWM 22-9 in Real Love Groups, BWB17-19 intermittent, RL165, RLWM 18-19 Jesus example of, BWB235-6 learn from times when you are, RLWM 18 learned, RLWM 17-19 love and teach, B09Nov11, B25Jun14 loved enough, RLWM 123-4 loves and teaches, RLWM 11, RLWM 105, RLWM 125, RLWM 214 loving, RLWM 9-11 loving, why, 11-12 make mistakes, B26Oct16 making mistakes as, RLWM 17-18, RLWM 118 mission to love and teach, RLWM 11 must be very direct sometimes, B26Nov07, B09Nov11, B16Mar12, B11Feb13, B13Aug14, BWB235-6, BWB292 must be willing sometimes to “hurt� people, B16Mar12 must be willing to take risks in telling people truth, B26Nov07, B09Nov11 must feel loved, RLWM 3-6 natural result of being loved, seeing, and accepting, RL165, RLWM 6 need for, B28Nov06, B19Feb07, B21Sep09, B18May11, B11Feb13, B20Dec13a, B21Dec13a, B26Dec13, B14Mar14, B20Aug14, B01Oct14, B25May15, B04May15, B17Jul15, B10Oct16 need for regular contact with, B18May11 need to help us see truth about ourselves, BWB235-6, BWB292, BWB423-4, BWB432 no fear essential, B03Jul15 not required to be perfect, B26Oct16 not responsible for changing people, RLWM 272


not responsible for happiness of other people, RLWM 100-102, RLWM 167-9 not technique, RLWM 7, RLWM 144 opinion of worth more than million blind people, B18Jan12, B27Feb12 power of, RLWM 262, B11Mar15 practice being on each other, RLWM 17 praise for, RLWM 101 pride as, RLWM 101-2 qualities of, RLD 56-62 rewards of being, RLWM 19-20 role, B18May15 role of, examples, B23Sep15 sees clearly, RLWM 6-9 sometimes “mean,” B09Nov11, B16Mar12, B11Feb13, B26Dec13, B13Aug14 submission to, B26Mar07, B20Aug14 vs coaching, B10Feb16 “Wish,” meaning of, B14Dec 15 Wisteria, vine, B27Jun16 Withdrawal: conditional time not conditional love, B24Jun15 different from running, RLWM 250-1 from people, how to do unconditionally, B24Jun15 how, B07Nov11, B02Sep11 loving, B07Nov11 necessary sometimes, B07Nov11 vs. running, B02Sep11 Withdrawal from conflict, PCSD 301-4 Withdrawing, RLM 124-5 Withdrawing, see Running Withdrawing from difficult interaction: different from running, EWB347, BWB377 what to say, EWB345, BWB376-7 Witherspoon, Reese, B31Oct06 Witnesses: affected by emptiness and fear, B20Jan12 Wolves, two, EWB157, BWB187-8 Wood, splitting, B25May11 Woods, walk in, metaphor, PCSD 268-9, RLV 309-10 Words: affect feelings, B19Oct16 choosing, B11Dec15 confusing, B02Apr12, B30May12, B23Apr14 effects of, B16Sep15 important, B09Nov15, B16Nov15, B23Nov15, B30Nov15, B07Dec15, B14Dec 15, B21Dec15, B28Dec15, B04Jan16 like bricks, B02Mar11 lost in, B02Apr12


mean nothing often, B23Apr14 meaning of, B16Sep15 meaningless compared to behavior, see Behavior, tell the truth, not words more harmful that we often realize, B09Nov15, B16Nov15, B23Nov15, B30Nov15, B07Dec15, B14Dec 15, B21Dec15, B28Dec15, B04Jan16 often used to get and protect, B02Mar11, B02Apr12 real meaning of most of time, about Real Love, B11Nov08, B23Sep11 too many, B02Mar11, B23Sep11, B02Apr12, B21Nov16 victims use many, B02Mar11 vs. actions, B30May12, B26Dec12, B23Apr14 Wordsworth, William, PCSD 58-9 Work (working): happiness from, B22Sep14 harder not always the solution for success, B20Dec07B its own motivation, RLW 41-3,RLW 105 outside home, children, RLP380-1 Workplace (Work): anger in, DC291, DC293-295 angry customer in, RLV 166-7, RLV 284-6 boss, angry, DC24 conflict in, DC69, DC70, DC71, DC72, DC72, DC73 cost of victimhood in, RLV 227-31 co-worker, annoying, DC26 co-worker telling lies, DC39, DC40 discontented employee, responding to in, RLV 286-8 firing, preventing, DC214 firing employees, DC86 getting and protecting behaviors in, DC71, DC72, DC72 imitation love in, DC69, DC70, lazy employee, DC46 listening in, DC214 listening to victims in, RLV 252-4 love in, B19Oct12 lying in, responding to, DC109-110 making choices in, RLWM 68 negotiation in, DC293-295 power of Real Love in, DC294-295 problems, cause of: FSG quitting in, DC292 Real Love effects, examples, DC467 real love in, DC24, DC109-110, RL222-5, RLWM 233-4, RLWM 239-42, RLV 225-7 resolving conflict in, RLWM 239-42, RLWM 246-8 teacher and principal, DC54 telling the truth about others in, RLWM 233-4 telling the truth about ourselves in, RLWM 238 truth telling in, DC214, DC292


unappreciated employee and critical boss in, RLV 167-8 victimhood in, examples, DC89-91, DC293-295, RLV 166-8, RLV 206-7, RLV 2524, RLV 283-8 World: Real Love doesn’t fit in, B29Aug14 turmoil of, Real Love protects us from, B02Jun14 World Trade Center, B05Nov08 Worms: eating, B03Dec14 horses don’t eat, DC496-7 Worry, useless, B13Jul15 Worth: proof of, B24Oct14 Worthiness, perspective of changed by trauma, PCSD 34 Worthless: cycle, B24Jul15 feelings of, B07Dec11 feelings of at root of all our complaints, B27Feb12, B23Jul12 feelings of based on lies, B27Feb12, B23Jul12 feelings of caused by childhood, B24Jul15 feelings of come from blind people, B23Jul12 feelings of come from childhood experiences, B18Jan12, B27Feb12, B23Jul12 feelings of lead to all negative behaviors, B24Jul15 feelings of prevent feeling loved, B18Jan12 judgment, B24Jul15 lie of, B20Aug12 origin of, B07Dec11 perpetuation of, B07Dec11 responding to people who feel, PCSD 310-11, PCSD 332-3, PCSD 339-40, RLV 295-6 Wound(s): aggressive must stop before passive, B01Aug11 all boil down to lack of Real Love, RLWM 259-62 all similar, PCSD 331-40 become scars that can make progress & happiness impossible, B25May11 central is not being loved, RLP127-8 detailing not important, RLWM 261-2 distracting sometimes, EWB179, BWB212-3 do not define us, EWB179, BWB212-3, BWB214 don’t define us, RLV 221-4 dressing vs. treating real problem, EWB17, BWB30-2 focusing on, B29Jun16 greatest, DC124-128 healed by Real Love, DC94, DC255-256 healed by Real Love, RL14 healing, RLP127-33 hidden, PCSD 4, PCSD 87-95 no more, PCSD 300-304


not noticed, PCSD 13-14 of helplessness, PCSD 96-101 outweigh occasional moments of loving, PCSD 102-3 perpetuation of with Imitation Love, PCSD 111-12 preventing, PCSD 300-304 primary, PCSD 72-8, PCSD 96, PCSD 331-40, BWB212-4 primary in life is lack of Real Love, RLW11-12, RLW 16-17 re-wounding, PCSD 300 same effect, despite differences in delivery, PCSD 15 stopping before healing can begin, B01Aug11 two, B12Jan11 ultimate, EWB181 we are not our, B29Jun16 Workbook, using, see Essentials of Real Love Bible Workbook Wriston, Walter,RLW 3 Wrong: admitting being, RLM 129-34, RLWM 217-18, RLWM 225, RLWM 228, RLWM 230, RLWM 232, RLWM 237 admitting, criterion for choosing partner, RLD 111 admitting, eliminates conflict, B21Nov12 admitting, importance of, DC27, B21Nov12, B09May14, B25Jul14 definition of, B09May14, RL17, RLWM 84, RLW106-7, BWB377 direction makes growth impossible, B25Jul14 examples, RLW22-3,RLW 126-8, BWB241-2, BWB287, BWB287-8 exercise for, BWB240-1 fear of, BWB238, BWB241, BWB416 freedom from, RLP91, RLP190-2, RLW111 freedom of being, DC27, B03Jun08, B09May14 if unhappy, EWB347-9, BWB378 important quality to look for in partner, BWB437 in others, our right to stop, B15Aug12 makes change possible, RLP91, RLP189-90, RLP190-2 most of the time, RLP189-90 not when you’re not, BWB286 notes, B23Jun14 nothing, B8Jun15 see Truth telling tree, B25Jul14 true meaning of, B03Jun08, B09May14 truth, RLP189-90 unhappiness a sign of being, RL 66-7 victims cannot be, RLV 106-7 when angry, can eliminate anger, BWB378, RLW 111 when unhappy, BWB378 Wrong, admitting: criterion for marriage partner, RL262-3


doesn’t make us bad, R 67 examples, RL101-2, RL118-19, RL241, RL 250-3, EWB347-9 exercise for, EWB205 fear of, EWB397 freedom of, DC186-187, B31Jan07B, B09May14, RL 250-3 important quality to look for in partner, EWB421 makes Real Love possible, EWB347-9, RL 262-3 not necessarily about content of conflict, just anger and not being loving, EWB2057, EWB255-6 resistance to, B09May14 see Truth telling when angry can eliminate anger, EWB347-9 when unhappy, EWB347-9 Yates, Andrea, B01Jun11 Yes, but, B28Oct16 “You,” meaning of , B28Dec15 “You’re beautiful,” ways to say, RLM 253 Zero tolerance: for anger, B10Oct12, B05Dec14 for any behavior or belief that distracts us from Real Love, B20Jun14 Zions National Park, B19Oct15 Zoo, B21Sep 12 Blogs indexed first time through B24Jan07 Indexed SECOND time through ***B is second one listed on given day Location of the videochats, to be transcribed and indexedc http://www.reallove.com/member/vchat.asp

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