Relationships I asked Billy if he would be open to receiving the love and forgiveness of this group of people. I told him that he may have felt that his crime was unforgivable but that was because he did not understand what true forgiveness was all about. I told him that forgiveness is never deserved. It is a free gift of grace that offers us the opportunity to heal and find a new experience of ourselves. I explained that all he had to do was open his mind and heart to something beyond his understanding and allow it to fill him. He agreed. I then invited anyone who felt ready to offer Billy forgiveness to come and stand around Billy and place their hands on him. Every single person in the room came forward. I placed my hand on his arm and said, “Billy, every person here has heard your story and your suffering. We all want you to be free now. We offer you our forgiveness as we place our hands on you. Open your eyes and look around and let
the love of forgiveness in”. Billy looked up and began to sob. Many in the group did the same. After a while, we all sat down and just hugged each other. Three years later Billy was still with his girlfriend. He was doing art and making sales and he had doubled his income. I shared so many details about Billy because I am convinced his story is relevant to many of us. Maybe we did not cause the death of our best friend but if we look deeply and honestly into our own hearts, we will find that we have done things to others and to ourselves that we have not found forgiveness for and we suffer for all of them. We live under the judgment of self-criticism and even self-hate due to these unforgiven ‘crimes’. We limit our joy and depress our self-esteem. We practice self-destructive behavior and live too long in destructive relationships, jobs and living situations. And all the while we are unaware that these negative circumstances are fed by toxic unforgiveness. Our task now, is to learn from Billy’s journey and take the time to look into our hearts and identify the actions and attitudes that require the healing power of forgiveness. Once identified we can open ourselves to the blessing that it offers us.
Dr Matthew Anderson has a Doctor of Ministry specialising in counselling. He has extensive training and experience in Gestalt and Jungian Psychology and has helped many people successfully navigate relationship issues. Dr Anderson has a best-selling book, ‘The Resurrection of Romance’ and he may be contacted via his website. 40 | GREAT HEALTH GUIDE
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