Grand Traverse
WOMAN NOV/DEC '19 • HOLIDAY ISSUE
Holiday ISSUE INSIDE:
FORREST’S MIRACLE STORY
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M E D I TAT I O N M O N DAYS
GUIDED BY KEN SCOTT OR RODASI CAMPBELL
Nov. 4th, 11th, 18th, 25th Dec. 2nd, 9th, 16th, 23rd, 30th 6:30pm-7:00pm Drop in! Donation based
SHAMAN’S DREAM J OV I A is an integrative wellness center, where our mission is to ELEVATE LIVES. B O DY M I N D S P I R I T
J OV I A Holiday Open House! Friday, November 15th • 5:00-7:00pm Please join us for fellowship and info on wellbeing services offered. Door prizes, light refreshments and joy energy!
Rodasi Campbell, Shiatsu Therapist Certified Meditation + Yoga Teacher/Trainer Mind • Body • Spirit Coach Workshop + Retreat Facilitator Devoted to the Healing Awakening of Humans-starting with self!
WITH MARY & MICHAEL WHITCOMB
Tues., Nov. 19th • 10:00am-6:00pm Coming from Chicago to display a wonderful selection of crystals, gems, and minerals for you to add to your personal collections to aid in your ritual and spiritual work.
COMMUNIT Y AC U P U N C T U R E C L I N I C WITH ANNIE HAAS Saturday mornings once a month. Nov. 9th & Dec.14th
De-stress and rebalance with acupuncture in a peaceful and relaxed group setting, for a discounted price. Annie Haas
East Lansing native. Has a masters in Chinese Medicine & Acupuncture.
Dr. Heather Rassel, D.C. JOVIA Co-Founder, Healer & Facilitator
2 2 6 E . 16 T H S T R E E T , S U I T E B T R AV E R S E C I T Y, M I 4 9 6 8 4 2 31 - 2 5 2 - 310 0 W W W. J OV I AW E L L N E S S . C O M Find the JOVIA app on Apple and Android. Visit our Facebook page!
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Grand Traverse Woman
WOMAN2WOMAN BY KANDACE CHAPPLE & KERRY WINKLER
Volume 17, No. 2 NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2019
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NORTHERN ART PHOTOGRAPHY
HAVE we ever told you the story about the night we bor-
Which made our decision final: There was no going back. When we arrived in an open field, there was, in fact, a bonfire blowing. But by then, we had come to our senses. We turned the car around as the boys parked and jumped out. “We’re here!” they said, peering into our window. They were happy. They’d scored out-of-town gals! The night was young! Their flannel shirts looked good in the firelight! But we didn’t get out. Instead, we locked the doors. And rolled (yes, rolled) down the window just a bit. “What?” the cutest one asked. “We better go, actually,” we said. The vixens from the IGA were long gone. “Why? This is going to be fun!” To be fair, these guys were very sweet and kind. There was no real danger, not yet anyway, but it became evident that we would have to douse their desire.
WOMAN northern michigan’s magazine for women
Grandpa’s Car rowed our Grandpa’s car? Yes, borrowed. We had permission to drive it. But we did not necessarily have permission to drive it where we did. Let’s set the scene. We were in the U.P., age 16, in a house filled with relatives watching TV, and bored out of our minds on a post-Thanksgiving weekend, admiring our new driver’s license… with a Friday night burning outside. Our cousin, 15, floated the idea. “Let's borrow your dad’s car.” “Absolutely not!” blew in from the next room. But Grandpa Maddox, over our mothers’ protests, said this: “What's gonna happen? Take my car, Twin. (To be safe, Grandpa called us both Twin.) Just don’t scratch it.” We rushed outside before anyone could stop us, but once there, joy eluded us. We were going to have to cruise in a car we secretly called, “The Turd.” We decided we had no choice. There must be someone who would look past this shade of brown and zero in on the three beauties cruising the gut. We threw the phone book that Grandma sat on into the back seat, and all three of us piled onto the front bench seat. We hit the small town of Newberry wide open, where we were soon flagged down in the parking lot behind the IGA grocery store. “You from out of town?” The guys leaning out their car windows were older than us, but not too much. One of us said: “Who wants to know?” God, we were cool in that Turd. The boys, naturally, were smitten. Before we knew it, we were invited to a bonfire. Which sounded like a terribly good idea to the three of us, so we agreed to follow complete strangers deep into the backwoods of the U.P. Let’s bring the story to a screeching halt to advise against anyone else on earth EVER DOING THIS. But, it was 1991, pre-Internet. We knew nothing and we didn’t worry about getting killed. In hindsight, we probably should have. Off we went, following these boys down a two-track. In an old man’s car. With a new (albeit, awful) paint job. There were bends and turns and branches everywhere. Kandy was the driver, and when we approached the first gigantic mud pit, she did what anyone would do: She gunned it. Through the hole we sailed, the mud peeling up past our windows, showering the car with evidence.
Grand Traverse
“Sorry, boys, but this is our Grandpa’s car, and we have to get it home by 9.” The boys did some problem-solving, sad to see the night slip through their fingers. “Can you get a different car and come back?” one asked. “Yes, we can try,” we said, almost believing ourselves. “We’ll borrow our aunt’s minivan next!” Believe it or not, this was a good pick-up line in the Yoop. “OK then, gals, until later.” The boys tapped the hood of Grandpa’s scratched turd and bid us a sweet good-bye. Which is when things went south. Three trucks—all with big tires, high beams, KC lights and blaring music—arrived. Blocking the road we needed to get out on. (Have you ever seen a monster truck lit up by a bonfire? No, you haven’t. Not until you’ve been in the woods with strange men and a phone book as your only weapon.) “No one’s going anywhere,” one of them shouted, jumping down and heading our way. “Um, we’re gonna need you to move,” Kerry squeaked out the window crack. “Naw, naw, naw, we got a bone to pick with your boyfriends here.” We were, plain and simple, praying harder than GreatGrandma Simmerman did over last night’s turkey. We watched as the guys gave each other a couple of shoves. Kandy revved the engine, very slightly, trying to give attitude without actually being noticed. We debated on our bench, should we flee on foot? Then, our “boyfriends” came to the rescue. “Enough now, let these girls go home!” the flannel one said, his voice calm but firm. “They have nothing to do with this!” What was this? Now we kind of wanted to stay more than we wanted to go, ear replaced by good old curiosity. But what happened next was that the leader jumped back into his big truck and moved it, his cronies following suit, letting us go. The Turd, when needed, could throw a rooster tail. We drove that road out of there like a zipper. And we didn’t stop until we got to Pickleman’s on M-28. We pulled into the light of the gas pumps and jumped out. We were shrieking and shaking and laughing. But we had business to attend to: We used the windshield wiper fluid, wands and little blue wipes to clean up the Turd. We then took it home, parked it in the dark and worried a full week before Grandpa finally called our mothers about the scratches, which we denied for the next 5 years. To this day, that story remains one of the best holiday memories we’ve ever had. And, to our readers, we wish you a little adventure for your holidays this year, too!
Grand Traverse Woman P.O. Box 22 Interlochen, MI 49643 231.276.5105 www.grandtraversewoman.com FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/grandtraversewoman PUBLISHERS Kandace Chapple Kerry Winkler EDITOR Kandace Chapple, kandace@grandtraversewoman.com ACCOUNT DIRECTOR Kerry Winkler, kerry@grandtraversewoman.com ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Deb Dent, deb@grandtraversewoman.com Sherry Galbraith, sherry@grandtraversewoman.com Lori Maki, lori@grandtraversewoman.com Laura Miller, laura@grandtraversewoman.com ASSISTANT EDITOR Eva Nienhouse, eva@grandtraversewoman.com COPY EDITOR Christine Kurtz DESIGNER Bethany Gulde, bethany@grandtraversewoman.com COVER PHOTO Nicole White bakes and decorates cookies with her kids, Forrest, 5 and Finley, 3. See her story on page 8. Beth Price, Beth Price Photography www.bethpricephotography.com PHOTOGRAPHERS Sarah Brown, Sarah Brown Photography www.sarahbrown-photography.com Scarlett Piedmonte, Photography by Scarlett www.photobyscarlett.com Beth Price, Beth Price Photography www.bethpricephotography.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Victoria Benson Becca Binder Anne Bonney Kelley Bowker Mandi DeVaney Jennifer Donohue Amanda Engler Jennifer Ferris Jill Holden Alice Kukulski Michele Lurvey Alison Neihardt Wendy Sobeck Stefanie Tschirhart-Baldwin Nicole White ADVERTISING Kerry Winkler at 231.276.5105 or kerry@grandtraversewoman.com Visit www.grandtraversewoman.com for rates. SUBSCRIPTIONS Cost: $20 (for 6 issues) Subscriptions may be purchased online at www.grandtraversewoman.com or mail a check to: Grand Traverse Woman P.O. Box 22, Interlochen, MI 49643 ARTICLES/PRESS RELEASES See www.grandtraversewoman.com for guidelines. MISSION STATEMENT Grand Traverse Woman is a bimonthly magazine dedicated to the interests of women in the five-county region. Our mission is to provide women with a publication that is educational and inspirational. We strive to maintain a positive, well-balanced and genuine forum for women's issues. © Copyright 2019 Grand Traverse Woman LLC All rights reserved.
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Grand Traverse Woman
The perfect gift.
This holiday season, surprise a loved one with a Spa Grand Traverse gift card and give the ultimate gift of relaxation. From manicures to massages, facials to hairstyling, Spa Grand Traverse has everything you need to unwind and recharge. As a part of your Spa experience, enjoy our indoor pools, hot tubs, sauna, and fitness classes.
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LEADERSHIP AT WORK
Joe is a dad, and he knows that sometimes life is not your own. No matter how much time you leave for yourself to get somewhere, timeliness is often completely out of your control. So, when Casey walks into the same meeting late (A), Joe’s thoughts turn to priorities and busy life (B) and he feels empathy (C). After the meeting, he approaches Casey to ask if everything is okay (D) and their relationship is strengthened as a result (E). Because of Joe’s and my differing thoughts and judgments about lateness, we have a different emotional experience, and thus, we behave differently and get very different results.
REFRAME AND RATIONALIZE
OH, THOSE (DEEP, DARK) EMOTIONS! BY ANNE BONNEY
RAISE your hand if emotion sometimes leaks down your face! For example, when someone says something that upsets you, your face becomes a billboard of anger or hurt. Your reaction may stop at tears, or you may snap and say something sharp, only to wish you could take it back moments later. You aren’t alone; we all have emotions, and we all react to them differently! Both Leaky Face Syndrome and Sharp-Tongue-itis are self-regulation issues, and I’ve got a great technique to help reduce your immediate emotions in a situation, making it easier to regulate what inadvertently slips out.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE? “Emotional Intelligence” is a buzz phrase in the personal and professional development world right now, and for good reason! It is a key indicator of success in the workplace and in life. The four elements of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) are self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness and social regulation. Now, please understand, exercising Emotional Intelligence does not mean that you avoid the issues at hand; it simply means that you can deal with them in a more emotionally controlled way, creating a situation in which the other person is more likely to work with you. The key is to examine the story you’re telling yourself about the situation and to reframe that thought so you can reduce the emotional kick and respond in a calm way. You stop the reactive part of your brain from hijacking your reactions and allow the rational part to take the wheel.
Now comes the magic. What I need to do is reframe my thoughts about lateness so I don’t go off the deep end every time someone is late. When something you don’t have immediate control over repeatedly happens and gives you angst, examine your thoughts and judgments (B) and question if that is the only possible explanation for that behavior. In the lateness example, perhaps Casey was in the hall talking to the CEO about a media crisis going on in the company. That’s a little more important than the TPS report review we’re doing in the Lakeview Conference Room. Or, maybe she was on the phone with her kid’s doctor. WAY more important. So, instead of immediately getting mad and writing off everyone who is late to meetings, I suspend judgment, and say: “Maybe there was another explanation for the lateness,” and speak rationally about it with them.
‘IT MAKES ME THINK…’ You can mention your immediate negative thoughts and judgments if you think it’s relevant for them to know, but approach the subject gently, saying, “It makes me think…” rather than pounding them on the chest accusingly with your index finger! Perfect example. When my partner doesn’t do the dishes for days after committing to do them, my immediate thought is: “He thinks it’s my job as the woman to do the dishes.” Instead of flying off the handle and accusing him of being a sexist pig (which I know full well won’t have a positive outcome), I can say: “I’m frustrated when the dishes sit there for days because it makes me think you believe it’s my job as a woman to do them. I’m pretty sure that’s not what you’re thinking, but it sure feels that way, and I wanted you to know that.” This gets a much better result. In fact, I came home from a business trip recently, and the dishes were done and the kitchen was spotless. This stuff works, folks. Give it a try! Reframe your thoughts, and you’ll be able to handle conflict and challenges much more calmly. We’ll talk about this and tons more Nov. 13 at the GTWoman Workshop at Kirkbride Hall, so get your ticket today. I’ll see you there!
HOW IT WORKS When something happens (A), we have certain thoughts or judgments about what happened. Because of those thoughts (B), we feel emotions (C), which makes our Neanderthal brain react (D). We then deduce results from the world (E). Let me give you an example. I am kind of a stickler about time. When Casey arrives late to a meeting (A), my judgment is, “Lateness is unprofessional, disrespectful, and Casey clearly don’t have her stuff together” (B). Because of these thoughts, I feel angry (C), give her dirty looks throughout the meeting, and don’t assign an important project to her (D). As a result, she is not open to collaborating and communicating with me (E), thus damaging our working relationship.
GTWoman
WORKSHOP SERIES FOCUSING ON WOMEN’S EDUCATION
EQ & YOU: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE AT WORK SPEAKER: ANNE BONNEY
Wed, Nov. 13th 8:30am-11:30am • Kirkbride Hall 2-hour Workshop & Breakfast
Anne Bonney is a change expert, leadership trainer, professional speaker and author who resides in Traverse City. After a 20-year career in leadership and education roles ranging from Boston to Tucson, she left corporate to share her energetic, fun approach to positive leadership with audiences. She is thrilled to facilitate a leadership seminar Nov. 13 for Grand Traverse Woman Magazine and looks forward to seeing you there! Visit her at www.annebonney.com.
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Grand Traverse Woman
Dewey Insurance Agency is located in Kalkaska, Michigan and has served clients all
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316 N Cedar St, Kalkaska, MI 49646 Hours: M-F 9am - 5pm (231) 258-2301 www.deweyins.com www.grandtraversewoman.com
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Grand Traverse Woman
Forrest’s
MIRACLE Story
BETH PRICE PHOTOGRAPHY
BY NICOLE WHITE
“WHEN I TURNED AROUND, THE KIDS HAD BUILT A FORT OUT OF MY PHOTOGRAPHY GEAR,” SAID BETH PRICE, PHOTOGRAPHER. “IT WAS AMAZING TO CAPTURE FORREST’S HAPPINESS JUST BEING A NORMAL KID!”
IT WAS mid-December. Forrest had just turned 4 a few weeks earlier, and my husband, Bo, was deployed to the Middle East. I’d taken our son and daughter to Montana, my home state, to be with my family for the holidays. We made a good dent in our holiday to-do list right away: we hunted for the perfect wild Christmas tree and made the same Christmas cookies in my Grandma’s kitchen that I had as a child. When Forrest picked up a cold, he had a hard time shaking it. I never could have prepared for what was racking his little lungs.
NEBULIZER It was a Monday. Forrest’s cold had gotten worse over the last few days and his breathing had become more and more labored. That night he woke up panicked, gasping for air. It was the second episode. We’d done Vicks Vapo Rub and fresh air and cough medicine. None of it seemed to help. Maybe the ER could give him a nebulizer treatment, I thought; help him sleep this yucky cold off. So, we went to the hospital. In the far recesses of my mind I wondered if he could possibly have pneumonia. The doctors heard nothing in Forrest’s lungs, and an hour later, they were about to send us home. The nebulizer treatment did wonders for his breathing, and he seemed comfortable. Just to be sure, the ER doc ordered a last-minute x-ray. She didn’t come back for a long time.
X-RAY RESULTS A lot happened in those next few hours. Scrambled phone calls and wide-eyed declarations. Radiology reports from the next biggest hospital
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an hour and a half away. Orders for stat CT scans. Adamant instructions from the nearest children’s hospital in Spokane, Wash. Desperate attempts to reach my husband in Afghanistan. Forrest had a tumor—a huge one—filling almost his entire lung cavity. It was suffocating him. The seething, pulsing, duplicating mass was wrapped around his esophagus and trachea, reaching down around his heart and constricting his airway to the tiniest coffee straw pinhole. They couldn’t intubate; the point of constriction was too far down. They definitely couldn’t sedate. After a huge dose of steroids, they rushed us into an ambulance bound for Spokane’s Sacred Heart PICU four hours away. The snowstorm raging outside rendered the LifeFlight helicopter useless. We hit every single pothole in that 150 miles.
SPOKANE Hours later, after a flurry of activity and tests, it was finally just Forrest and I in a calm, darkened room. The lead oncologist came in alone. Forrest dozed off, and Dr. Ross told me it was T-Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. But what he said after shook me even more. “We estimate your son’s tumor grew in the last 6-8 weeks,” he said. “In another day, maybe two, it would have closed his airway entirely. He would have passed in his sleep and you could have done nothing.” That “little cold” saved his life.
TODAY That was two years ago this Christmas and still typing it out today makes my eyes burn and my chest heave. Since that day, my son has had a cauldron of chemotherapy, steroids, experimental and peripheral meds pumping through his body every single day. He’s lost all his hair twice, has had nearly 20 spinal taps, horrific side effects, and more pokes and procedures than I will have in a lifetime. But as I am typing away, he is playing with the rest of his kindergarten class at Glen Lake School, and no one would be able to pick him out as “the kid with cancer.” We look at Forrest now and see miracle upon miracle. There is no denying God’s supernatural grace, and—partnered with modern medicine, his incredible oncology teams, and an army of prayer warriors —it has left us in awe of what might have been instead of what is.
TREATMENT Tonight was “big pill night,” which means 10 pills and round the clock “tummy medicine” tomorrow. Last week took four different pokes for blood labs and IV chemo. Forrest sits stoic and grim-faced, beads of sweat on his brow. They talk about which vein, and he counts the nurse down from three each time. In two weeks, he’ll go back on his monthly high dose steroid pulse. The side effects of this make chemo look easy.
PROGNOSIS Forrest is a resilient little warrior with a very optimistic prognosis. But his type of T-Cell ALL requires three and a half years of ongoing daily treatment. With this same diagnosis in the 1960s, Forrest would have survived three months. Now, his form of ALL has an 85 percent success rate. But ridding Forrest’s body of this cancer will require nearly half of his life to date and most likely eliminate any memory he has of life before it. There is a sobering maturity in Forrest’s eyes that belies the one little hand of fingers he proudly shows when asked his age. Last year was a hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. This year is thankfully different; we can breathe again, and some days even pretend, but “normal” is a fuzzy, taunting mirage.
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FORREST, 5, AND FINLEY, 3, DECORATE COOKIES. “THESE TWO HAD A MOMENT WHEN THEIR MOM WENT IN THE OTHER ROOM FOR A MOM ENT,” SAID BETH PRICE, PHOTOGRAPHER. “I LOVE THIS PHOTO.”
BETH PRICE PHOTOGRAPHY
Grand Traverse Woman
NEVER ALONE A diagnosis like pediatric cancer doesn’t stop at the little body it has attacked. And the toxic antidote it requires can too easily infuse its poison elsewhere: marriage, finances, dreams and plans, and even our beautiful 3-year-old daughter whose childhood will also be forever marked. The inevitable reminder of those facts always feels like a strong sucker punch; the energy and stamina required is daunting… but the alternative is never far from our minds either. We remember the beginning of the story, we remember the miracles, and we remember the grace that pours out to face each day. Though the devil would like us to doubt it, we have never been in this battle alone. Not for one single day. We are grateful and determined not just to survive this season, but instead, to thrive because of it.
FORREST’S WISH Earlier this year, Forrest became Michigan’s 10,000th “wish kid.” His wish journey and the Make-A-Wish team is just one example of a critical support team that makes such a life-giving difference on a journey like this. Forrest’s adamant wish—to be a chef—came true as Make A Wish MI created a five-day culinary experience for him with some of Grand Rapids’ best and brightest chefs. Forrest has had cooking adventures all over the state as more chefs have heard his story and invited him into their kitchens, and he’s been able to inspire more wishes for more kids with critical illnesses. As is true for every pediatric patient, cancer has stolen a part of Forrest’s childhood, but his Wish Journey, and everyone who has come alongside us, has helped to bring it back.
OUR ARMY We never would have survived this journey without an army welling up to stand alongside us every step of the way. We are so thankful for that. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. No one is, and we feel that acutely. So, we take on today, choosing joy and gratitude, intentionally and knowingly. And as each morning comes, there are new mercies indeed. Nicole White moved to Leelanau County three years ago with her husband, Bo, and kids, Forrest, 5, and Finley, 3, after living abroad and all over the country as active duty military. Nicole is a writer and a small-business owner with a nomad soul and a passion for connecting people through stories of the heart. And she is now a cancer mom who is continually learning to find beauty in the brokenness. You can find her @my nomads_and_me on Instagram or at nicolekwhite@gmail.com.
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Grand Traverse Woman
workflow HOW-TO BY AMANDA ENGLER
“WORKFLOW” is a buzzword worth repeating, so I will. WORKFLOW. Finding ways to increase your workflow without also upping your time is essential in growing, scaling and automating your business. As a mom and solopreneur, I needed to protect my time so I could serve my family and grow my business. Quickly, I became obsessed with time and figured out a few tricks to protect it along the way. Let’s review some practical tips to help you find your own flow.
CHOOSE YOUR PLATFORM Choosing a workflow or project management platform that aligns with your current needs is the first step in maximizing your time and getting work done. Although applications like Toggl, Trello and Google Sheets are useful (and I do use all of them!), they have a time and place. You will save time designating one application as your workflow go-to. The four most visible platforms include Salesforce (the 800-pound gorilla in the room with the cost to match), Zoho, Accelo and Monday.com. Each platform offers a host of integrations and you will want to ensure that the one you choose works with the software you have. For example, are you a G-Suite user or do you have Microsoft Office? Accelo is more G-Suite centric, while Salesforce is more geared toward Microsoft Office users. Other questions you will want to consider before handing over your credit card include: What features are most important to you and your business? What industries are they currently serving? Do they have excellent customer service reviews and training videos?
EXERCISE GRATITUDE Gratitude is life-changing. As the old saying goes, a happy worker is a productive worker. Practice daily gratitude by writing it down in a journal or on a mirror with a dry erase marker. It can be easy to say, “I am thankful for my family,” but try to dig deeper. A few of my favorite things to be grateful for are: my daughter’s toddler giggles, automated coffee makers, my husband’s wit, and my son’s crazy, incessant questions. Putting your gratitude to pen will elevate your mood and give wings to the quality of your work.
POWER DOWN AKA, eliminate distractions! Do whatever you need to do so you can blow through that pile of work. Yes, I am telling you to put your phone away (or turn it off). At least activate your “Do Not Disturb” function. Go on, do it! Having the discipline to power down is imperative to your success. According to “Business of Apps,” a news and data site for app businesses, the average U.S. smartphone user receives 46 app push notifications per day. And that’s just apps! That doesn't include all the times your mom calls or the group text messages you receive. Just think of it this way – the sooner you get through your to-do list, the sooner you can get back to those text messages, Facebook notifications or Instagram stories.
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JUGGLE WITH PURPOSE Intentional multitasking. Women are excellent at this… sorry, not sorry, guys. We can have the laundry going, crockpot cooking, kids crying, and still sling emails. Now, this isn’t exactly intentional multitasking, but a lot is still getting done! True intentional multitasking would be preparing for the next steps while you are waiting for something to download. Or working on the same task for multiple clients at once, like social media posts. Sidenote: working with two computer monitors is life-changing!
PRIORITIZE At the end of the day, I write down five things that I must get done the very next day. Then, I use time-blocking to ensure I have the time to do it. I use my Google calendar religiously to schedule specific tasks or projects at specific times. When I wake up, I know exactly what I need to be doing and when, and I don’t waste any time getting started. Adopting these few workflow habits, especially as a solopreneur, has done wonders for me and my ability to work effectively and efficiently. I hope these tips come in handy for you, too!
Amanda Engler is a virtual administrative consultant and event professional and the founder of Amanda V Engler, LLC. She is a graduate of the Free Mama Movement 12-Week Program, which empowers moms not to have to choose between family and finances. Engler resides in Traverse City with her husband, Grant; son, Silas, 5; and daughter, Scarlett, 2. Visit www.amandavenglerllc.com.
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WELCOME TO
Leelanau County 1408 SW Bayshore Drive, Suttons Bay, MI 49682
BREAKFAST LUNCH ESPRESSO
407 S Main St, Leland, MI 231.994.2288
Cell: 231-715-6637 Office: 231-866-4188 www.capitalstoneworks.com peter@capitalstoneworks.com
Open 7 days a week, year round
Cozy, relaxing atmosphere with fabulous coffee and free Wi-Fi
www.trishesdishes.com
“Leelanau County’s original family tavern. A Third Generation Family restaurant, where the food and service is always consistent and the prices are the lowest in the county!”
Fischer's Happy Hour Tavern Follow us on IG and FB for updated hours and specials!
Lake Leelanau 231-256-2933
386-9923 Located halfway between Northport & Leland on M-22
Squeezins Greetings
Eclectic wardrobe finds head to toe Find us on Facebook & Instagram 222 St. Joseph Ave • Suttons Bay 231-271-5462 • Open 7 days thelimabean.net
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105 E. Philip Stre et • L ake Le elanau | s o u l s qu e e z e c e l l a r s . c o m
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Grand Traverse Woman
WELCOME TO
Leelanau County Music At the Old Art Building in Leland Joshua Davis Friday ~ December 6
May Erlewine and the Motivations Saturday ~ December 14
Dance with Joy Sunday ~ December 15
Winter Solstice Concert Saturday ~ December 21 For complete details visit oldartbuilding.com or call 231-256-2131
A DESTINATION ELEVATED. We’re the local’s winery of the North. Self-guided snowshoe trails, weekly happy hour specials and live music.
SIPS & SOUPS
ROSÉ ALL MAY
TASTE THE PASSION
SPRING SIP & SAVOR
SIPS, CHIPS & DIPS
HARVEST STOMPEDE
January 11 & 12, 2020 February 8 & 9, 2020 March 21, 2020
May 1-31, 2020
May 2 & 3, 2020
September 12 & 13, 2020
ROVE ESTATE VINEYARD & WINERY 7007 E. Traverse Hwy (M-72), Traverse City, MI Along the way to Sleeping Bear Dunes www.roveestate.com
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Nov/Dec '19 13
Grand Traverse Woman
Outgrowing the
Garage
A GARAGE, a high-speed treadmill and a few friends with injuries—that’s all I needed to start my business, FYZICAL Therapy & Balance Centers. I wanted to help build a healthier and stronger community, and although I had a lot to learn about business, I trusted that vision. Now, nearly 15 years later, our garage is a distant memory and we’ve added much more equipment to our fleet. But it’s still that vision, born on a cold concrete floor, that powers me today.
DREAMING IN HIGH-SPEED
STARTING MY OWN PT CLINIC
In 2005, my husband Rex and I bought a very fancy piece of equipment that no one else in Northern Michigan had: a highspeed treadmill for sports training. We had fun practicing on (ahem—training) our friends. We knew we wanted to open a physical therapy (PT) clinic eventually, but we had no business education. We did have PT skills from 12 years of experience and lots of people encouraging us to BY JILL HOLDEN go for it. We learned it would take 6-12 months to get signed up for different insurances. We pleaded our case on how our services would be unique to our region and waded through bureaucratic tape. With no cash, we started building our PT clinic in Copper Ridge in Traverse City, putting all expenses on credit cards. It wasn’t the ideal way to start a business, but we were so passionate.
TIPS FOR BIZ The weekend before we were scheduled to open our doors, we finally realized we needed some business knowledge and took our first business class! We learned how to get new patients in the door—very important if we wanted to stay afloat for more than a month. I got 3-4 hours of sleep each night for a week while I implemented the program, continued my full-time job as a homecare therapist, and cared for my two daughters, ages 5 and 8. My long hours were hard on my girls at times over the years, but I was able to set a good example of how hard work, dedication, and continuing personal and professional development pay off. I also showed them how passion for your work (for me that is helping people) makes long hours and no pay at times still worth it.
GROWING In 2009, we won the Traverse City Area Chamber of Commerce Small Business of the Year Award and grew tremendously. Unfortunately, when the medical industry’s recession hit in 2011, patient visits decreased dramatically, and we had to cut several employees. We’ve since become much more efficient, which allows us to increase salaries even with declining insurance reimbursement. We love connecting with our community in new ways. Last year we held 45 community education presentations and 110 free exercise classes. In 2015, we started treating people with vertigo and balance problems. For any industry, if you aren’t constantly growing, you will shrink.
MEANT TO BE I’m in an industry that makes it difficult for a small business to survive, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. As a business owner, I can live my vision, and I feel I make an impact on my patients’ and employees’ lives. I love when I help someone overcome his vertigo after living with the condition for 40 years. When my clinicians tell me they’ve helped people get rid of their neck and back pain, I am very proud. When athletes can return to the sports they love, I am excited for them. When someone’s balance dramatically improves so she can continue to live independently, I can’t think of anything I would rather be doing in my life. My passion to help people through their tough times gets me through mine, too, and it’s the most wonderful part of owning a business. Outgrowing the garage is pretty great, too.
LEARNING I have grown so much in the last 14 years. As an experienced PT, I felt very comfortable talking with my patients, but my communication skills in other areas, like public speaking and leading meetings, were lacking. I was very shy and had no interest in representing a business like I would have to. Over the years, I have taken many personal and professional development classes including communication, PR and marketing, business efficiency and organization, executive leadership and finances. I learned that to succeed I must implement what I learn 100 percent. I also learned that there would be ups and downs. There are very high risks, but also high rewards. One hurdle for us was the decreasing reimbursements and increasing regulations from insurance companies. We stay very lean with employees and payroll, and we ensure that clinicians are billing appropriately. We also market ourselves constantly to keep our clinic as full as possible throughout the year. From January through March, when the snowbirds go south, I have sometimes not taken any pay. Building and maintaining a healthy business is a learning experience.
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Jill Holden is the co-owner of FYZICAL Therapy & Balance Centers located in Copper Ridge and also offering services at Fit For You in Traverse City. Visit www.Fyzical.com/TC or call 231.932.9014 to learn more.
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Grand Traverse Woman
32 COUSINS and
a Thanksgiving for the books BY WENDY SOBECK
I COME from a very large Polish-American family. My maternal grandparents, Sylvester and Lucille, had 16 children, and my mom, Diane, was the fourth eldest. There are 32 of us cousins to date. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays—and pretty much any given Sunday—were never hum-drum little gatherings. They were usually epic family “dramadies,” special occasions I’m certain not even Hollywood could dream up! But, to us, the madness of our humongous family was just normal. Many family holidays throughout my life have been unforgettable, but Thanksgiving 2001 was especially memorable and bittersweet.
GRANDMA LUCY We had lost my Grandma Lucy suddenly to liver cancer in June of that year, and our enormous clan was devastated. As our family matriarch, she was the central force that kept the chaos of our beautifully crazy tribe together. My Grandpa Sylvester was particularly heartbroken, as you can imagine. Throughout their 54 years of marriage, they shared a lot of good times, but they also endured a lot of hardships that came with raising a very large family. But when it came down to it, Lucy was his sweetheart. He didn’t really know how to function without her. We were all concerned about Grandpa’s state of mind as the holidays approached that year. starting with deer season (a high holiday in my family), then their wedding anniversary, followed by Thanksgiving and Christmas. We were heading into emotionally turbulent times without my spirited grandma there to pull us all together as only she could do.
FAMILY IN FLUX For several years prior to grandma’s death, our family had been going through a state of flux with marriages, divorces and births. Everyone had already started “doing their own thing” for many occasions. Our huge quilt of a family was starting to pull apart at the seams. The aunts and uncles would sometimes celebrate with their own core families, visiting my grandparents for the holiday when it was convenient. But my mom and aunts decided that year, instead of each of the 16 separate siblings doing individual holiday dinners, our entire family had to be with Grandpa on Thanksgiving. All of us, together under one roof!
TOGETHER AGAIN Thanksgiving 2001 arrived and most of the 16 kids, their spouses, and many of the dozens of cousins all crammed into “the old house” at the family compound. There was a hodge-
podge of assorted tables and chairs snaking through two rooms so everyone could have a seat. My mom and the aunts did all the cooking. We had multiple turkeys, ham and every side dish and dessert you can imagine. And of course, no gathering was complete without our favorite Polish dishes. The Thanksgiving classics were great, but the kielbasa and sauerkraut, kluski, galumpkis and pierogis made it a true family dinner! By the time my husband, the kids and I arrived, the little clapboard house was already packed. The wood heat and throngs of people made us quickly shed our coats. We were greeted with hugs and hellos as we weaved our way through the sea of relatives to greet my grandpa who was already seated at the head of one of the tables. I remember giving gramps a big hug as he greeted my little guy, Joey, his great-grandson, on my hip. My mom spotted us and rushed over to grab my son for some quick “grandma squeezes” from her Joe-Joe, then returned to the food prep with my aunts.
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FULL HOUSE One aunt was hollering about who moved the plates while another cut up the large spiral ham. A third aunt shooed some of the younger cousins away from the pies and desserts, reminding them: “You have to eat your dinner first!” My husband, with several of the guys, wisely found a seat away from the action of the kitchen—out of the way of Lucy’s daughters. As more and more family arrived, the house grew smaller and the noise level louder. My dad and some of the uncles and cousins were trying to keep tabs on the Detroit Lions game, but the television was no match for the cacophony vibrating throughout the house. Laughter, loud stories, aunts bustling around, setting tables, kids squealing and running amok, and every other minute someone yelling, “Shut the door!” as folks came in and out of the house.
SUPPER TIME Finally, it was time eat! One of my aunts commanded everyone to get to their seats so we could say grace. Once our food was blessed and thanks were given, the march through the food buffet began. With this crowd, you wanted to get your favorites on your first pass or risk missing out. As we sat down to eat, I spotted my grandpa a few tables away from me, happily eating his meal and chuckling every so often at something one of his tablemates said. I choked up a little as I took in the scene around me. As I looked at the faces of my loved ones, I felt nostalgic for holidays gone by when my grandma was still alive, mixed with fear for the future and the changing tide of our family dynamic.
FAMILY FIRST I know my grandpa still missed my grandma immensely, but he was so happy to be surrounded by his family that Thanksgiving. It was the catharsis we all needed… to be wrapped tightly in the blanket of the familiarity of kin once again. Little did we know that would be my grandpa’s last Thanksgiving. Sad and missing his beloved Lucy, my Grandpa Sylvester passed away in October 2002, just 16 months after his Lucy. Holidays in my big extended family have never been the same, but I am so thankful for that last amazingly chaotic Thanksgiving Day we all shared in 2001.
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By day, Wendy Sobeck has been the Traffic & Billing Manager at Midwestern Broadcasting Company in Traverse City for over 26 years… in her off time she loves to run, crochet and write. Wendy lives in Grand Traverse County with her husband, 17-year-old daughter, 20-year-old son, plus their cat and dog. Connect with Wendy at wendysuesobeck@gmail.com.
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MICHELLE LASKOWSKI PHOTOGRAPHY
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
EQ & YOU
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE SPEAKER: ANNE BONNEY
Wednesday, Nov. 13th 8:30am-11:30am Kirkbride Hall 2-hour Workshop & Breakfast OUR SPEAKER: Anne Bonney is a fun, energetic speaker, author, podcaster and workshop facilitator. After 20 years in highly successful leadership positions, Anne founded Different Shoe Enterprises and now uses her experience, education, and expertise to ignite her audience’s courage to embrace discomfort; in change, in communication and in becoming influential with others. She shares fun and relevant stories, time-tested knowledge and immediately applicable strategies.
“Emotional Intelligence” is a buzz phrase in the personal and professional development world right now, and for good reason! It is a key indicator of success in the workplace and in life. The four elements of Emotional Intelligence (EQ) are self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness and social regulation. Using Emotional Intelligence does not mean that you avoid the issues at hand; it means that you can deal with them in a more emotionally controlled way, creating a situation in which the other person is more likely to work with you. Come learn the 4 key components of emotional intelligence, and how to build better relationships and better results with those around you.
AFTER THIS WORKSHOP, YOU WILL HAVE: - Strategies for controlling emotional reactions and replacing them with effective, professional responses to get the desired results with your staff or coworkers. - An understanding of the meaning of empathy vs sympathy, and utilize it during critical conversations with those you work with everyday. - The ability to shift your analysis of difficult people to reduce negative emotions and bring positivity back to work!
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Grand Traverse Woman
Hope Starts Here.
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Nov/Dec '19 19
Grand Traverse Woman
Beyond Words:
A Horse’s Language BY MANDI DEVANEY
HORSES. For me, the healing, gentle giants were more than an interest. My adoration wasn’t a childhood phase or a hobby. They were my life’s calling. I was drawn to horses with a force so strong, I just knew in my heart that no matter what happened in my life, I’d end up working with them. That is how it’s always been, and there’s nothing I love more than sharing the beauty of a horse’s healing love through my work, like I do today.
THE GENERAL My first horse arrived in my life when I was 8, and in college I completed several equine trainings. It was during these years that I met a horse that would change my life forever: General. General was a BIG horse, part quarter horse, part thoroughbred. At times he was a real handful, but he taught me more about myself, my connection to those around me and my world, than any other experiences I’ve had. He taught me how to listen to my emotions and communicate without my voice, and in the end, we moved together in this way. By the time we parted, he had affected every area of my life.
HORSES AS TEACHERS Growing up overweight, I was bullied and picked on. It wasn’t until I began to work with horses that I learned how to move through challenges with grace. When I graduated high school and went off to college, I focused on horsemanship. I quickly realized that heavy-set “show riders” were in fact quite rare. My professors pointed this out to me, not the horses. Even though I knew I was not going to be like the others, I was driven to learn horsemanship. I wanted to understand the movements and emotions of the horse, and to help others connect with these amazing animals the way I had. Horses are masters at teaching us how to move through experiences with positivity. Through their natural behaviors and energetic states, horses teach us to be aware of our bodies and what our bodies are trying to tell us. When we acknowledge these teachings and messages, horses help ease our tension and make us aware of the changes we need. Science has long ago documented the power of the horse’s heart field, but anyone who has spent significant time around them knows this intuitively. Even though I was not destined to be in the high-dollar show arenas, I still had amazing gifts to offer people. Horses taught me that I was enough.
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HEALING HELPERS In my late 30s, I moved to a local ranch to pursue my dream of sharing the centering, healing power of horses. Being a single mother, a recent cancer survivor, working full-time and starting my own business, I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world. One day, I walked out into the pasture, and Wrangler, my horse of many, many years, was in the arena. I was not aware of just how much I was carrying emotionally that day, but as I approached Wrangler, I was able to center and be present in the moment. In the unique and beautiful way of the horse, Wrangler began his work. He first acknowledged the stress I was carrying, then he brought me into the present moment and helped me move the energy along. It is hard to fully describe this process in words, but it truly is a profound type of healing. As I left the pasture that day, I felt as if a very heavy backpack had been lifted off my shoulders. It was so visceral that I actually found myself looking over my shoulder, where the weight had been just moments before. I knew then that nothing would stop me from my dreams. Once again, thanks to a horse, I knew that I was enough. This is the power of acceptance and love, of helping and healing without labels or expectations—a natural, organic miracle that only a horse can grant.
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Grand Traverse Woman
A hassle-free agency providing everything you need and only what you need.
Terri Armstrong, CISR Independent Agent
PERSONAL / COMMERCIAL LIFE / HEALTH
112 E. 4th St. Ste. 1 Elk Rapids, MI 49629 p 231.264.0333 f 231.264.0336 terri@fitzinsurance.com
WELLSPRING ACRES It has been my life’s dream to be able to create a space for healing to happen for people through horses. The profound sense of gratitude that I felt for my healing relationship with horses inspired me to want to give back, to share the magic. I also wanted to connect with other practitioners to expand the reach of my work. When I met my husband, Adam, he had never spent time with horses. As a self-professed “city boy,” horses were the furthest thing from his mind. Little did he know how much meeting me would change that! In the final days of 2017, we bought what would become Wellspring Acres. Nestled in the beautiful northern Michigan town of Rapid City, our 11-acre farm was a dream come true. With the help of amazing friends and volunteers, we put in our pasture, complete with electric fencing and water access. Then, we brought our herd of four beautiful horses and two sassy ponies from the boarding farm to their new and permanent home. The horses had exactly one day of grazing on the long grasses before the snow fell. With full bellies, our herd settled in for our first winter. For us, the dreaming and planning started anew.
WE DELIVER! 1217 E. FRONT ST. ~ 231.929.2999 1294 W. SOUTH AIRPORT RD. ~ 231.935.9355
MY DREAM Wellspring Acres will soon offer healing experiences, and in coordination with my husband, a clinical social worker for those struggling with opioid addiction, recovery counseling will also be available. With our equine partners, Melissa Edingfield and Megan Reichard-Hall, we have the potential to offer hope and healing to many in our region. It is sometimes difficult for me to fully express how blessed I feel creating and working with these ladies. I am beyond thrilled to bring this amazing potential for healing to our region. Melissa is a Natural Energy-Based Equine Coach. Her passion for and understanding of natural horsemanship and the energy of horses often leaves me speechless. Meagan is a Reiki Master Teacher with an Equine Specialty. She understands how our natural energies flow, and when combined with the nature of horses, her talents whisper the wisdom of the ages. As a non-profit, our services will be free of charge. Wellspring Acres is a place for peace, for healing and for acceptance.
BEYOND WORDS From General to the thoroughbreds and sassy ponies in between, my own passion and talents for horses led me to grow Wellspring Acres. A horse’s love is truly profound, and one experience at a time, we can all learn that we are enough. Mandi DeVaney is the mother of two beautiful boys and an Equine Assisted Experiential Learning Specialist. Her husband, Adam, is a clinical social worker who specializes in treating opioid addiction in Kalkaska and Traverse City. Together they run Wellspring Acres in Rapid City, where they offer the type of healing only horses can bring. To learn more, check out their farm at www.Wellspring-Acres.com.
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LEADERS. Anne offers keynotes and workshops for organizations interested in increased morale, lower turn over, higher productivity and a positive workplace environment. Anne is a change expert and creator of effective leaders and workplace communicators.
International speaker, author and workshop facilitator, and featured presenter at the Grand Traverse Woman Educational Workshop on Nov. 13. Register at www.grandtraversewoman.com. Learn more about how Anne can inspire your leaders in business & improve communication in your workplace: www.AnneBonney.com Anne@AnneBonney.com
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Covering all of Michigan. The Cindy Anderson Team... your Lake Home experts! 12935 S W Bayshore Dr, Suite 325 Traverse City, MI 49684 Call or Text: (231) 218-5324 www.grandtraversewoman.com
Grand Traverse Woman
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Grand Traverse Woman
THE VIEW FROM A
Blended Family BY STEFANIE TSCHIRHART-BALDWIN
ELEVEN years ago, at age 29, I was newly widowed with a young daughter. I’d always valued our nuclear family, and, as I grieved the loss of my husband, part of me knew I would remarry someday. And I did, to a man who also had daughter. There were some valleys along the way as we established our unit, but we always trudged on toward a summit far from nuclear. But in the end, that never mattered one bit–not with a spectacular view like this.
GETTING ESTABLISHED When my now-husband first reached out to me, I blew him off. I knew he also had a 2-year-old daughter, the same age as my own, but I didn’t want to date a man with kids. Fortunately for us, though, he was persistent, and I eventually agreed to a playdate with our girls. We hit it off, and our quad grew closer and closer that first summer. My husband and his daughter spent most of his parenting time at the house that I shared with my parents; it was easier for childcare when he was working. When his daughter’s mom questioned where their daughter was living, we decided to make it official. “Wouldn’t this just be easier if we were married?” I asked him as we left the county building that day. It was our proposal–the Friend of the Court, our witness. Five months and one day after our first meeting, we were married at 8:30 a.m. at the county courthouse. STEFANIE WITH HER GIRLS, JAYDEN, 13, MORGAN, 12, AND OLIVIA, 5.
ADJUSTING For the first few years of our married life, tensions were high between the two families. Exchanges were done in public spaces, in-person conversations were kept short, and the parenting schedule was pretty set in stone. Arguments about child well-being and schedules were a regular part of our lives. They were a recipe for disaster for our marriage, and they weren’t healthy for my stepdaughter or any of the adults involved, either. At first, my husband headed communication about his daughter, but he always included me, too. As a new team, we wanted to find our footing together. There were times that communication between me and my stepdaughter’s mom was awkward, but our situation was new for all of us. I think moms and stepmoms often have a complicated relationship; finding what worked would take some navigating.
WELL-BLENDED Fortunately, we found our way. When we disagreed with each other, we reminded ourselves that the child’s best interest mattered most, and on that, we could agree. We also agreed that four parents were better, and more helpful, than two. I never asked or expected my stepdaughter to call me “mom.” She went from calling me “Tee
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Tee,” to, as she could pronounce it, “Stefanie.” She is with us half the time. We’ve been fortunate that we have always all been able to attend my stepdaughter’s events without too much tension, and now, we often sit together. My stepdaughter has the largest cheering section around.
SPECIAL BONDS Between the two homes, there are now five kids, and they all view themselves as a sibling group. My oldest daughter treats her stepsister’s brother as though he’s her own, and my youngest loves playing big sister to her younger stepsiblings. When either set of parents needs a kid-free night, we have another family to lean on who knows and loves our kids, and with whom all the kids are comfortable. This also comes in handy when there is a fun anecdote to share. I love sharing with my husband, yes, but I also treasure the special understanding I get from my mom partner-in-crime. She is definitely the person I message the most. Another example of how things have changed: After I took my daughter on a backpacking trip to South Manitou Island in the summer of 2018,
I knew that I wanted my stepdaughter to join us next time, and her mom, too. Our trip together this past summer was a smashing success, so much so we have talked about making it an annual event. We have also done other joint activities and camping trips. When I recently turned 40, she helped decorate my house for my surprise party, while my husband had me out of the house.
THE VIEW Ten years ago, I never could have imagined where we are today. We have been through quite the journey, but we’ve worked hard and become stronger for it. Being a stepmom is a path well-traveled, with several Facebook groups, books and subscriptions to Stepmom Magazine explored. I might not have wanted to marry a single dad, but I can’t imagine anyone else who could love my daughter the way that he does, and his daughter has been quite the bonus! I love her with all my being. I am also very grateful for our dynamite parenting team; all our kids are so loved. To get to this summit, it really has taken a village. And I wouldn’t trade this view for the world.
Stefanie Tschirhart-Baldwin is a high school special education teacher at Michigan Great Lakes Virtual Academy.
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Grand Traverse Woman
ENJOY THE SOUNDS OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON
VISIT YOUR LIBRARY FOR MUSIC & MORE December 8 1:00 p.m. TLC Handbell Choir December 15 1:00 p.m. Traverse City Central H.S. Choral-Aires 3:00 p.m. Holiday Concert with Peter Bergin ~ piano & vocals December 22 1:00 p.m. Grand Traverse Show Chorus of Sweet Adelines Concerts are held in the McGuire Community Room at the TADL Main Library 610 Woodmere Ave., Traverse City, 49686
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THE POWER OF POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY BY MICHELE LURVEY
HAVE you ever noticed that when you are shopping for a new car, that the moment you decide on the make, model and color, you suddenly start seeing that same car on the road at every turn? Well, that isn’t because your mental decision caused a host of other people to rush out and buy that same car. Rather, it’s because your brain is now taking notice of these similar vehicles. By using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), scientists have established that our brains are inundated with information. In fact, your body sends your brain 11 million bits of information per second! But your brain can only process a small sliver of all that stimuli—about 40 of them to be exact. And this translates to other areas of your life. Positive psychology is more than positive thinking or optimism; it’s the study of what makes some people excel at harnessing optimism and resilience, while others seem to mire in a negative state of mind. Decades of scientific research prove that anyone can learn to improve his or her environment and the environment of those around them. Positivity is a choice—for everyone.
WHAT’S YOUR 40? haylow PHOTOGRAPHY
While we can’t process more than around 40 bits of information, we can train our brains which 40 to process. Prior to deciding on which car to buy, your brain was focused on something other than the types of cars you were passing. Your 40 or so spots were occupied. But once you knew the car you wanted, your brain made a spot available. Thus, dream car everywhere. Harnessing positivity is much like car shopping. If you are looking to increase positivity in your life, you can train your brain by redirecting your focus.
POSITIVE STEPS Shawn Achor, a social researcher, spent over a decade studying happiness at Harvard University. In his popular TEDx talk and book, “The Happiness Advantage,” he tells us how to redirect focus and increase happiness in a fivestep, 21-day approach. Take these five steps daily: • Journal three new gratitudes • Journal a positive experience • Meditate • Exercise • Share a random of act of kindness By committing to these five steps each day, your brain starts to scan the world for positive interactions and opportunities for gratitude. These things eventually become an important part of your 40.
SHUT OUT NEGATIVE NOISE From digital news feeds to social media to television news, the stories we see, read and hear each day are often negative, combative and downright depressing. With constant exposure to visions of natural disasters, violent crimes and political scheming, it’s no wonder so many of our conversations and thoughts center around topics that are less than uplifting. While I’m not suggesting that we turn a blind eye to negative
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events that we can help bring awareness to or help solve, these stories are a small fraction of what goes on in the world—including the good. In 2015, The Huffington Post conducted a study with Shawn Achor showing the impact of the news we consume. In the study, those who watched just three minutes of negative news in the morning were 27 percent more likely to report it being a bad day six to eight hours later. Those who started their day with positive news, however, reported having a good day 88 percent of the time. Pay attention to the effect news has on your mood, thoughts and interactions. Where you can, shut out the negative noise.
BE A CONVERSATION LEADER I regularly hear from team members that their positive attitude is often short-lived due to negativity around them. How can you sustain your commitment to positivity? One simple trick is to be a conversation leader. There are many times a day when you can steer a conversation in a positive direction. Consider this scenario: You walk in from work and are asked how your day went. A typi-
cal response is a highlight reel of all the stupid things people did to you or around you. Instead, try to share some positive things that happened that day. For example, talk about a co-worker you are grateful for because of something she did or said. This will help set the stage for more positive conversations in the evening.
MAKE SOCIAL CONNECTIONS AT WORK We spend a large percentage of our time at work, and those who have social connections in the workplace are found to be more engaged and in turn, they achieve higher results. A study at a financial services company of over 350 employees agreed. The results showed that increasing social togetherness led to more energized employees and increased focus.
CREATE SPACE Each day you can increase your happiness level and sustain positive change around you. It takes being intentional about where you focus your attention and how you will interact with others. And, like any new skill, it also takes practice. How will you make space for positivity?
Michele Lurvey, SHRM-SCP, specializes in positive leadership tools and team workshops. She is the founder of We Before Me Leadership Development and Team Building and can be reached at michele@webeforeme.com.
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Grand Traverse WOMAN
2019 GIFT GUIDE
STAY WARM THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
Kiss Carpet Design Center www.KissCarpet.com FREE Sherpa Oversized Woolrich Blanket with purchase. See showroom for details. 231.947.7247
THINGS WE
TREAT YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO THE BEST FOOD UP NORTH! Dinghy’s Restaurant & Bar www.dinghysrestaurant.com Gift cards available 231.352.4702
Shop local! Check out these awesome gift ideas. See their ads for more details!
APPLE WATCH SERIES 5 WITH GPS AND CELLULAR
CityMac www.citymac.net Now located inside GTMall! Locally owned and family operated.
WINERY. INN. CULINARY. EVENTS.
Black Star Farms www.BlackStarFarms.com Give the gift of a Black Star Farms experience.
HIGH QUALITY GIFTS FOR YOUR FURRY FRIENDS! Pets Naturally & DOG Bakery by Pets Naturally www.petsnaturallytc.com www.dogbakeryonline.com Stocking: $18.99 Plush Big Bone: $31.99 Beagle Brownies: $7.99 Hand Dipped Bones: $7.69 Gift Box: $10.99
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BEN'S CHERRY FAVORITES GIFT BOX Benjamin Twiggs www.benjamintwiggs.com $51.95
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HOLIDAY AREA RUG SALE
GIVE THE GIFT OF RELAXATION WITH A SPA GRAND TRAVERSE GIFT CARD!
Carpet Galleria www.CarpetGalleria.com Save 20-50% off last advertised sale price.
Grand Traverse Resort and Spa www.grandtraverseresort.com/gift-cards See our website for complete details.
GET BETTER AT CHANGE!
Anne Bonney, Author www.AnneBonney.com/GetOverIt Debut book from local Speaker, Podcaster and now Author, Anne Bonney. Fun, quick and helpful!
GIVE THE GIFT OF A WARM & INVITING HOME Chic Design Company www.ChicDesignCompany.com Mention “Gift Guide” for $100 off a 2 hour in-home consultation gift certificate.
FJORDS® — RELAXATION MADE BEAUTIFUL
Golden-Fowler Home Furnishings www.goldenfowler.com/fjords/ Inspired by Norwegian nature, designed to improve your living: shop Fjords® at Golden-Fowler Home Furnishings. Great selection in stock now! Prices start at $1,299.
Color &
RELAX, RENEW, REVIVE Soul Expression www.tcsoulexpression.com Gift Certificates available. Book Online 24/7
COCKTAIL HOLIDAY WINE MADE EASY!
Chateau Chantal shop.chateauchantal.com/holiday The perfect gift for everyone on your list, whether they’re Naughty or Nice!
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GIVE THE GIFT OF ART WITH A COLOR AND COCKTAIL PAINTING CLASS! GRAB BAGS!
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Color and Cocktail Art Studio colorandcocktail@gmail.com Spend quality time together having fun and creating your own work of art! Gift certificates $25, all materials included.
Thank you to our advertisers for your support all year long in GTWoman!
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Grand Traverse WOMAN
2019 GIFT GUIDE
GIVE GREAT LAKES FINE ART
Beth Price Photography printshop.bethpricephotography.com Fresh Water Fine Art Prints
THINGS WE
SMARTWOOL SOCKS
Brick Wheels www.brickwheels.com Starting at $12.95
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO ESCAPE?
Shop local! Check out these awesome gift ideas. See their ads for more details!
Escapology (Inside of Incredible Mo's) www.escapology.com Find clues, solve puzzles, and pick locks that will free you from the game room! $28 per person
BRIGHTEN THOSE LINES FOR THE HOLIDAYS!
Dr. Ann Kuenker www.youridealyouweightloss.com Look refreshed during this bustling time with Botox! Buy 20 units Botox and receive 5 units free.
GIVE A GIFT THEY’LL LOVE!
Center for Plastic Surgery & Skin Care www.TheCenterForYou.com Gift certificates available for facials, laser treatments, skin care products and more.
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CUSTOM PRINTED CORNHOLE BOARDS
Traverse Repro/Copy Central plotting@traverserepro.com We can custom print cornhole boards with any design, phrase or logo you’d like!
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HIDDEN TREASURES FAIRY GODDESS ESSENTIAL OIL BY JOVIA
JOVIA www.joviawellness.com Enhances sensuality; woodsy, soft and spicy, $40/bottle. Free with purchase of a 60 minute massage certificate, $80.
Premier Floral Design & Gift Emporium www.premierfloraldesign.com Located in The Village at Grand Traverse Commons. Come visit us today to find that hidden treasure of a gift!
LOVE THE WINE YOU'RE WITH
Rove Estate Vineyard & Winery www.roveestate.com Boutique wine gift baskets, perfect for personal and professional gifts. Assembly & packaging is complimentary! $40-$125
A TWO-DAY ARTFUL HOLIDAY MARKET
The Old Art Building, Leland www.oldartbuilding.com Join us for an immersive shopping experience, showcasing local art, crafts, decor and food.
THE WINE EXPERIENCE
Leelanau Peninsula Wine Trail www.lpwines.com Gift certificate good for any event along the Leelanau Peninsula Wine Trail, $40. info@lpwines.com
BOUDOIR SESSION GIFT CARD
GIVE THE GIFT OF ADVENTURE
Crystal Mountain www.CrystalMountain.com/GiftCard Purchase gift cards online. They can be used towards lift tickets, spa services, golfing, lodging, dining and more!
Sarah Brown Photography www.sarahbrown-photography.com Gift cards available!
THE PERFECT GIFTS FOR LIBRARY LOVERS!
Traverse Area District Library www.tadl.org Great small gift or stocking stuffer for that special reader. Stop by the Main Library, in Traverse City, to purchase some library love. $7-$10 each
Thank you to our advertisers for your support all year long in GTWoman!
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2019 GIFT GUIDE
THINGS
DON'T FORGET YOUR PETS!
Northwood Animal Hospital www.northwoodpet.com Howl-iday shopping can be ruff. Let Northwood Animal Hospital help with our pre-made, paws-itively great stocking stuffers for $10.00!
THE GIFT OF TRAVELING BEAUTY Salon Coiffure www.saloncoiffuretc.com Kevin Murphy Hair Care Travel Set, $38.60. See more Salon Coiffure gift ideas on page 25.
WE
Shop local! Check out these awesome gift ideas. See their ads for more details!
TICKETS TO A SHOW
City Opera House www.CityOperaHouse.org Always the right size, City Opera House tickets and gift certificates make a unique gift.
MERRY MAKERS MARKETPLACE AMBRE BLENDS ORGANIC FRAGRANCE OILS Lima Bean, Suttons Bay, MI www.thelimabean.net Only available in store. Ahhh-mazing!
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Crooked Tree Arts Center, Traverse City www.crookedtree.org/merry Find delightful, unique, and hand-crafted gifts at this fun and festive holiday art fair! Shop more than two dozen artists and artisans in our galleries. November 22 & 23. 231.941.9488
SOCKS MAKE GREAT CHRISTMAS GIFTS!
Lost Art Yarn Shoppe www.lostartyarn.com We can help you find a special gift for the knitter or crocheter in your life. Gift cards always available. 231.941.1263
Thank you to our advertisers for your support all year long in GTWoman!
Grand Traverse Woman
— Est. 1966 —
‘TIS THE SEASON!
by helping those in the community that are struggling to keep a roof over their heads and their homes warm during the winter season.
ORDER YOUR PERSONAL GIFTS & CORPORATE GIFT BOXES NOW. WE SHIP FOR YOU!
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CELEBRATING OVER
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50 Y S ear
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Only 6 minutes from the Grand Traverse Mall. Just 1.5 miles west of Menards Chums Corner
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I’M AN WHAT MY RARE CONDITION TAUGHT ME BY JENNIFER DONOHUE
A LABEL is also known as a “restrictive box.” Without one asking questions, being labeled makes assumptions. It’s frustrating, no matter the situation. I recently had such an experience.
THE CHIROPRACTOR I was ecstatic when I won a gift certificate at a silent auction for a cranial assessment and adjustment. Perfect! I thought. I’d been wanting to try a new chiropractor for the occasional tension I’d been experiencing in my shoulders and neck. I was seeking a doctor who used a device that gently adjusts your spine and neck without the need for any neck cracking or jerky head movement. Hence my bid. My first appointment involved a regimen of unusually odd tests, followed by a full set of x-rays. The next day I met with the doctor to get my results and treatment plan. In his office, the chiropractor put my x-rays up on the backlit screen. He looked at me. “I have some really bad news,” he said. The chiropractor went on to describe my condition, one he said he’d never seen before.
“I’m not sure how you’re holding your head up,” he said. “You’re missing the frontal part of your C-1 vertebra. Do you realize your head weighs about eight pounds?” He then told me that my head had shifted off my axis.
SPEECHLESS I guess I didn’t really know what to say. He went on to list a host of symptoms and asked if I’d experienced any of them, from migraines to trouble swallowing, to tingling arms to trouble walking. My chin had long since fallen to the floor. Where was he going with this? I wondered. “No, no, no!” I exclaimed. “I have none of that, except a kink in my neck that I just need adjusted.” “Do you understand if you fall or jerk your neck in any way, you will be paralyzed from the neck down?” he asked me. “You may even die!” “What… paralyzed?” I said in disbelief. “I’m a cranial doctor and can’t even help you,” he explained. “Your condition is extremely rare. I had to do research and contact another college to confirm my findings. You are an anomaly.”
AN ANOMALY An anomaly!! A freak of nature!! Hmmm, I thought. Well, that explains it! Everyone has always called me a freak, but mainly for my high energy level, silliness, zest for life, and my willingness to take on any new chal-
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lenge without hesitation. I didn’t hear much more and left with my x-rays and a four-page report in hand. I was told to follow up with my primary doctor. Once back in my car, the weight of everything crashed down on me. Before I could turn the key, I burst into tears. What was my life going to be like? Who am I going to be? I was frozen with fear.
FEARS My mind began to go wild. I’m looking forward to retirement someday, but not like this. If I had surgery to fix it, I could still cut hair with a halo, right? I won’t be able to play with or even hold my future grandchildren. Who is going to take care of me? I don’t have a husband, and my children have their own lives. My insurance company will for sure cancel me, and I’ll be put in a home. I thought about the fat tire bike race I had planned for the next day. I wouldn’t be able to race, bike, run or paddleboard again. I couldn’t give that up!
A SAFE RIDE Despite my fears, I pulled into the snow-covered parking lot the next morning. I got my bike out, sick to my stomach with nerves. I pre-rode the course in my mind and envisioned every obstacle. I thought about how I could fall properly (if there were a way). The snow would at least be a soft landing.
As I stood at the start line, my heart thumped out of my chest and my legs quivered with fear. The horn went off, and I descended the ski hill into the forest. I finished the nine-lap course, shaking, but I was alive.
THE “BUBBLE” LABEL For the next few days, I lived in a blur of emotion. I saw my primary care doctor and got a second set of x-rays, which led her to confirm the chiropractor’s finding. She ordered an MRI and a consultation with a neuromuscular doctor. “Play it safe, live in a bubble,” she told me as I left. “And I wouldn’t be biking either,” she added. The MRI came next, confirming the findings. On to the neuromuscular doctor. “Do you know why you are here?” he asked in greeting. “I’m here to get answers,” I replied. My faith in God had always been strong, but my uncertainty had begun to take over. “I have to be honest with you, I had to research this myself,” he confessed. “What you have is extremely rare, and I don’t know what I can do for you, except refer you to a neurosurgeon.” He explained my condition, which I learned is called “os odontoideum” (OO). In simple terms, I’m missing the connection between C1 and C2 in my upper spine. My muscles and tendons are the strength and connectors that hold me together. He said that either I was born this way, or I had suf-
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In Touch
fered an injury before I was 6. (Later, my mother confirmed that I wasn’t dropped on my head.)
WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE As I wait for my appointment with the neurosurgeon, I’ve had lots of time to think and reflect. I have accepted the fact that I don’t really know what my future holds, but honestly, do any of us? I’ve researched my condition and have uncovered as much information as I can. Here’s what I’ve learned: First: Be grateful for every day. It is a gift. Second: Be proactive and aware, but don’t give up the things I love and enjoy. I refused to let my label stop me from riding my bike over 2,100 miles since my OO diagnosis, and I’ve participated in seven races so far. I even made it to the podium five times! Third: I won’t tell you that I’m not scared, but I do know that the fear of the unknown will eat me alive. So, I’ve decided not to be too afraid and to continue pushing myself. Fourth: Avoid the bubble. If I put myself in my labeled “bubble,” I wouldn’t be living. A friend said to me: “Jennifer, you have a choice in life: You can let go or be dragged!” I’ve made the decision that I’m not going to live my label—I’m going to live. I was given my “bubble” label, but I was also labeled “an anomaly.” Now THAT label I can rock!
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May your holidays be happy and healthy.
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Make this Holiday Memorable Give the Gift of a Personal Drawing!
Your child or grandchild, you & your fiancé, your family (Sketched live or from a photo)
Carol Tompkins-Parker
Jennifer Donohue is a speaker and certified life coach who loves helping women find their path in life and shed any labels standing in their way. She has also been a hairstylist and salon owner for 35 years. When she’s not working, Jennifer is outside enjoying the beauty and abundance that Northern Michigan offers all year round. Reach Jennifer at Jenniferdonohue27@gmail.com.
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BL EN D IN G T H E
H O W TO EM BR A CE T H E SE A S O N A S A
BLEN D ED FAMI LY BY ALISON NEIHARDT
THE HOLIDAYS are upon us. There are parties to plan, school activities to participate in and gifts to purchase. Oh, the fun! For blended families though, finding cheer at this time of year often requires both careful planning and flexibility.
WOES ALL AROUND For many blended families, holiday activities can be stressful for both adults and kids. Kids worry about going back and forth, whom they’ll spend Thanksgiving with, or who will come to their school parties. Adults fear the possible drama that holiday expectation and tradition can stir. In the best-case scenario, both parents spend the holiday together or split the time, or both parents come to the school holiday function. If they are pleasant with each other, even from across the room, this is what kids hope for. This is what adults hope for. This does not always happen though. Here are some tips to consider:
COMMUNICATE KINDLY Try your best to be kind in the heat of the moment and not say or do something you might regret. But avoid being a doormat—setting boundaries is important, too. There are ways to stand your ground without being rude or nasty.
ACCOMMODATE Be flexible with the other parent; setting your plans in stone does not help anyone. Talk with others in your family to see what arrangements can be made so your children can enjoy holidays with both sides of their family. The first year as a blended family or as a newly separated family is usually the hardest. Holidays are about spending time with family. Help your children understand that. Also, discuss with them that just because a holiday is on a certain date, that doesn’t mean it can’t be celebrated on a different day.
KEEP A CALENDAR If you keep a calendar of family events, write what days your children will be at which house.
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This serves as a visual reminder for them to know when they’ll be where. Hopefully this also helps ease some of their anxious feelings.
their behavior and the feelings attached to it. Then be willing to discuss with your children what is bothering them.
TALK ABOUT GIFTS
GIVE YOUR CHILDREN TIME
Another issue that comes into play for holidays is gift-giving. Try to communicate with your children’s other parent about what they will be giving for Christmas, Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you may celebrate. At the very least, consider setting a budget so that each parent’s amount of giving is equal. Also, if you are able, allow your children to pick a gift out for their other parent. You could even encourage them to make something.
Allow your children time to adjust as they come back into your home. Going back and forth is not easy on a child the rest of the year, but during the holidays especially so. They may be zonked after a holiday get-together, and they probably have not slept much. They also, in some cases, might be leaving behind gifts they were just given at their other parent’s house. All of this is stressful on a child.
ENCOURAGE AND ACCEPT RELATIONSHIPS
With careful communication, understanding, and a bit of flexibility, everyone can enjoy the holidays. As it turns out, new traditions are just as good as the old, and today is always a good day to make a memory—especially at the holidays.
Blending families also means that there might be step-siblings, half-siblings, and other step or half relationships. To children, they are just family. They should be able to love them all the same. In fact, the holidays may be the only times your children see other members of their family. Try to encourage these relationships at what can be a special time of year.
LEAN INTO THE NEW
CREATE NEW TRADITIONS This is a chance to create new family traditions and activities. Holidays can be fun with both parents, whether it’s making cookies at Dad’s house or watching “Elf” with Mom. Discuss with your children what they would like to do for each holiday. Let them have input so you know their needs. It is their holiday time too. Of course, court order requirements are important points to explain to your child as best as possible.
CHECK IN WITH YOUR CHILDREN Be aware that the added stress of the season may cause your children to act out in anger or frustration very easily. They may also be extra sensitive and tearful at times. When you notice them seeming down or upset, acknowledge Alison Neihardt is a local child therapist who has been in practice since 2008. Alison’s practice, Helping Kids Counseling Services, has locations in Traverse City and Kalkaska. She helps children and their families work through a wide variety of issues, including behavior concerns, divorce, and grief. Visit www.helpingkidsupnorth.com.
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BELOW SEA LEVEL:
my underwater photography hobby BY ALICE KUKULSKI
CALL ME CRAZY, eccentric, fanatical or brave, but for me, life is about adventure, chasing dreams, and anything and everything that brings out the inner child. It’s about saying, “Yes.” When I said yes to scuba diving, I found a new world. There was beauty under the waves, things I’d never seen before—fish, coral reefs, shipwrecks, sea urchins, sunken cars and planes and more. I found a place my heart felt serene and full of wonder. Now, under the sea is one of my favorite places to be.
STARTING TO SCUBA DIVE In the winter of 2015, I started scuba training in an indoor pool. I would take my open water certification tests in the spring in a lake. Being in a lake—in the spring—in Michigan—sounded way too cold for me. I was already planning a spring 2016 trip to Cozumel, Mexico, so I decided to do my open-water certification dives there. It sounded like a great idea. Cozumel is located on the second largest reef in the world. With much excitement and anticipation, I booked my trip at a hotel that had an on-site dive shop.
A WHOLE NEW WORLD In Cozumel, my first two dives were the certification test. One of the most challenging parts was removing my mask and putting it back on at a depth of 20 feet. I was terrified and ended up getting a ton of saltwater up my nose, which burned like crazy. But I finished the dive, and the rest of the trip was incredible! I geared up twice a day and descended to depths of 40 to 60 feet. Exploring the ocean in Cozumel, I felt like I’d left the planet. I saw a red lobster the size of my coffee table and enormous sea turtles. I swam beside barracuda five feet in length and in currents that pulled me along like a lazy river. I was engulfed in a world I’d never seen before, every sight new and exciting!
THE PHOTOGRAPHY BUG Back on land, everyone shared the wonderful pictures they had taken. Someone gave me a picture of myself, and it was then I knew I wanted my own camera. My first attempt was to buy a waterproof case for my iPhone. I learned quickly, though, that those housings flood, the button sticks, and in cold water the battery doesn’t stay charged for long. Once home in Michigan, I learned from the local Bay City dive shop, Dive and Glide, about a class where students could try out some of their new cameras. That’s where I found my camera. The second time I used it, I got the most incredible shot of bluegill with the sun glowing in the background. It has been in a magazine, in an art show and it hangs on many walls. Since starting to take photos under water, I’ve joined two photography clubs. I enjoy adapting what I learn on land for use under water. For example, there is no zoom lens under water—you zoom by getting closer to your subject. Last year, one of my photography clubs invited me to be a guest speaker, and I can’t wait to return next year!
UNDER FRESH WATERS Diving in the lakes is so different from exploring the salty shores of Cozumel. The water is so much colder in Michigan! Also, because there isn’t any salt, I don’t need to wear as much weight to get myself to sink. I began diving small inland lakes with other Bay City divers. There wasn’t as much to see, but the shipwrecks were amazing! I enjoyed learning about the different fish in our freshwater wonderland, and as winter neared again, I was surprised at how many divers continue to suit up through the coldest months.
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I’ve done dives all around the Great Lakes, as well as some of the smaller lakes, including Higgins Lake and Bear Lake in Kalkaska. Haserot Beach at the end of Old Mission Peninsula on East Grand Traverse Bay is one of my favorite dive sites. There’s a ’70s car from a past wreck! In Petoskey, there is a beautiful memorial site with a life-size crucifix, and in downtown Traverse City, it’s fun to dive the pipeline at night. Whenever I dive, I know that I’m going to see something new and different. I think that’s why I continue to do it. There’s nothing like exploring the water of our world, be it salty or salt-free.
JUST SAY “YES” Sometimes my friends say, “You’re so brave,” “I could never do that,” or “I’m too scared of water.” But I believe that whatever you tell your conscience becomes true. Spending time alone allowed me to get to know my internal voice, and I learned to correct that voice when it told me I couldn’t. I chose to have faith in myself and to say, “Yes.” At 50 years old, I taught myself to ride a Harley and I dove with sharks. I went skydiving and opened a greenhouse. My latest “Yes” was to trying a mermaid fin and I’m excited to see where this next adventure leads! I have pursued what I was passionate about, and even when it scared me a little, I found a light so bright, it expelled any darkness. Face fear and do it anyway. Whether on the ground or under the sea, you’ll arrive fully alive. Alice Kukulski is the owner of ARK Cleaning Specialists, located in Kalkaska. She has three sons, four grandchildren and one greatgrand baby.
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It hasn’t been easy!
FINDING ACCEPTANCE AND HELPING OTHERS BY VICTORIA BENSON
I WAS sick from the get-go. “Easy” and “simple” were not words used to describe me or my health. Even as an infant, my mother dealt with my health issues. But I never let it get me down. I never let it stop me. My childhood was good in spite of it all. Those heath issues brought (and continue to bring) many challenges, but I always fought back. I always enjoyed life. I even found myself on an entirely different career path. Funny how life works.
SENSITIVE SYSTEM Food allergies, asthma, and IBS were my first battles. But it was still a good life. In some ways it kept my life from being bland and boring. Actually, difficult as it was sometimes, it was ok. I managed. I never really thought about health much. I certainly didn't think it could or would get worse.... I was very active as a child. Swimming, hiking, camping, gardening, cross-country skiing—you name it, I loved to do it. My diet was also fairly clean. Living in a small farming community meant easy access to farm-raised meat and vegetables, and the nearest fast food was about a 20-minute drive. It was ok. I actually liked growing food, helping my parents can, and eating fresh vegetables. Like most people, I was mistakenly under the impression that if I ate healthily and stayed active enough, I could keep any new health challenges at bay. But life didn't work that way for me. New challenges were in store. It was ok. Life wasn't going to get me down.
MORE CHALLENGES My health issues were a pain. It's true. It was ok though. I was still active and had fun with my friends. I truly enjoyed life. But eventually something came that challenged my enthusiasm. Mono. I contracted that in my early twenties. It took me down. I had never been so sick in my life. A deep excruciating exhaustion set in. I will be honest. For the first time ever, I found it a little more difficult to enjoy life. I trudged forward anyway. I didn't let it stop my career goals, friendships, and love of life. I even took some of the health conditions as a challenge. PCOS and endometriosis? If I couldn't get pregnant, I would adopt. I had a 'you can't stop me! You aren't the boss of me!' mentality. And in true ME form, I defied the odds and gave birth to an amazing son. My whole life shifted right there. I had a new purpose.
DOMINOS Next came a rapid succession of new health challenges, including migraines, OCD, anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia. It was ok though. I had a purpose. My son, a toddler at the time, was also diagnosed with health issues. He was also on the autistic spectrum. Those things were more important. I absolutely loved being a mother, though it was a bit more challenging. And I still loved life. Homeschooling was recommended to me because of his issues, so we embarked on a new journey. Despite my personal health issues, I trudged
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forward. I changed my work focus so I could stay home to school him. I always thought I would be a successful business woman. I had taken numerous business courses in my pursuit of a degree. I learned that I needed to let go of those expectations and shift to what was practical and necessary. So, I provided daycare for my infant nephews and started my own cake business. It was a wonderful time. I had my miracle child but I had always dreamed of having more. So, being the daycare provider for my nephews was the most amazing thing I could have ever done. We were very active and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
SLEEPLESS AND SHAKY Several years into our homeschooling journey, there was a shift. Something was trying to challenge me in a way I hadn't experienced before. I was exhausted all the time. Sleep was fitful. My fibromyalgia worsened. There was joint pain now along with the muscle pain and weakness. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears as I tried to sleep. I noticed things like, shaking, a droopy left eye (I learned years later that my left eye was normal. My right eye was bulging because of thyroid eye disease), and weight gain. That wasn't fun. It was difficult to cope. And for the first time, my smile faltered.
THE STORM Finally my health got bad enough that I visited the local urgent care. From there, I was rushed to the emergency room. My blood pressure was through the roof. My resting heart rate was 145 beats per minute (BPM). At 32, I was being tested for a heart attack. I couldn't process what was going on. Finally, after hours at the hospital, a diagnosis came in... a thyroid storm. It was the scariest moment of my life. The endocrinologist determined that my thyroid storm was due to Graves' disease, often mistakenly referred to as “thyroid disease.” There was nothing wrong with my thyroid. Instead, my immune system had gone bat crap crazy and attacked my thyroid. I did not respond well to the medications used to treat it. My heart rate was still high, and I was on bedrest. I was told the standard course of action for this was typically radioactive iodine (RAI), a radioactive pill I would swallow. It would kill off my thyroid, and I would take a replacement pill for the rest of my life. After treatment I would be fine.
NOT MY BODY None of that was true. I wasn't fine. I wasn't cured. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how careful I was with my diet or healthy ways, I was never
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the same again. It was then that my smile stopped. Briefly. I had to process it. It was a bit like grief. For a time, I felt angry. I wasn't cured or fixed. Often times I felt worse. But I was still raising and homeschooling my son. For his sake (and mine as it turned out) I had to find a way to cope. I had to find my smile again.
NEW NORMAL The next few years were difficult as I came to terms with my limitations. I had to organize all activities based on my energy, stamina and pain level. I continued homeschooling my son and being a daycare provider, but I made the decision to end my cake business. My strength had diminished, and my hands still shook. I couldn't do it. Finally, I found acceptance. This was my new normal. I released the anger. I focused on the small joys. I took a micro approach instead of a macro one. I counted the small blessings. And one big one. I was still alive. I was still here fighting. By shifting my attentions, I noticed something. Joy! Joy had come back. I continued moving forward. Soon, my smile resurfaced. I learned that it wasn't actually gone. It had just been buried. That was ok. Instead of fighting what I couldn’t control, I started researching. I armed myself with as much knowledge as I could. I continued my healthy ways and I learned how to be even healthier. Fourteen years later, I am still at it. I’m trudging forward. It is slow and awkward, but hey, I'm still here! Life is still a blessing. My smile is here. Life is better that way.
HOLISTIC “HIPPIE” I was always into natural remedies but the Graves' Disease pushed me
even farther. Essential oils, meditation, herbals and homemade products seemed to help me the most. I wasn't the successful business woman I always thought I would be. But that's ok. Out of my health challenges and love for life, a new purpose happened; my business. I became a certified holistic health consultant. I also became a Reiki master/teacher. Stepping Stones Holistic Health was born. I now work from home assisting those who are also looking for more natural ways to deal with health challenges. I want to help others that may be struggling to find their joy and appreciation for life as well. I want to help them so their smiles resurface too. While my health issues have been challenging, they’ve helped me learn, grow and change. I continue to stay as healthy and positive as I can. I have ugly days, bad days, meh days and OK days. Through all of this, I’ve kept humor close. I learned to shrug stuff off. I learned to laugh at things. Laughter really IS the best medicine. Any one can be affected by health challenges or illness. They don't discriminate. I learned the hard way. But out of that adversity was born a new purpose. A new business. And a newer way of living. I am so incredibly grateful to be alive. I still fully believe that life is a wonderful, beautiful gift. I intend to continue enjoying it in all the ways I can. I still have my joy and I still have my smile. I have a purpose. Victoria Benson is a certified Holistic Health Consultant and Reiki Master Teacher. Her goal is to assist people in finding balance as they work toward their mind, body and spiritual wellness. She works from home in the Grand Traverse County region. She also offers most of her services online, including distance reiki and consultations. She can be reached at steppingstonesholistichealth@aol.com, or visit www.steppingstonesholistichealth.com.
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His name was
ADVOCATING FOR THE HOMELESS
IT WAS a blustery evening in Flagstaff, Ariz., the snow blowing and temperatures below freezing. I was behind a building, hunched down in the snow over a man who was barely breathing. “Please, just wait until the paramedics arrive,” I prayed as I hovered there with him. “Please, just hang in there a little longer.” I was in college and an intern with Catholic Charities, a nonprofit that supports communities nationwide. My two colleagues had left me with the man to go flag down the paramedics and lead them back to where we were. We had been out for our usual Thursday night shift, 8 p.m. to midnight, providing outreach services to individuals who were experiencing homelessness.
JOHN This evening was different though. We had hit our usual spots—the gas stations, downtown alleys, creek banks and bus stations—and then we found John. He was unconscious, his breathing labored, and he was lying in the snow. He had placed his boots over his hands and hauled his pants down to cover his snowsoaked, socked feet. His only hat was the hood of his sweatshirt. It felt like a lifetime that I waited for my colleagues, hoping and praying that this man didn’t freeze to death in front of me. Once my colleagues returned with the paramedics, they placed him on a gurney, and began to take him away. “What will happen next?” I asked. They shrugged. “Oh, it’s just John,” one said. “We did this two nights ago, and we’ll do it again.”
THE PARADOX Their comment hit me like a ton of bricks. This happened regularly? Something felt wrong about that. Why didn’t this startle everyone like it startled me? The tone they used implied that John was an inconvenience. His suffering on the streets was bothersome, it said. What about how John felt? He didn’t have a home. He was the one who should be bothered. It all felt so wrong. This evening felt like a contradiction to everything I was taught as a child: to help those in need without judgment, to love thy neighbor. I understood that faith wasn’t just about Sunday
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morning—faith was about what we did outside of church and how we treated our neighbors. To this day, this is my truth.
CALLED TO HELP My experience with John stuck with me, and I wanted to help people like him. I also wanted to help change the stigma that those who experience homelessness are a burden. A few years post-internship and college, I moved to Traverse City and began looking for a job that would help end homelessness in the community. I got my first job working the evening and midnight shifts at the Goodwill Inn shelter. During the day, I worked at Northwest Michigan Community Action Agency (NMCAA) as an AmeriCorps member. From there, I served as a case manager in a variety of capacities from working to prevent homelessness to helping provide housing. Each of these positions allowed me to learn as much as I could about what this population experiences and how I could better serve them.
SUZY Suzy had been homeless for more than 10 years before she was referred to Northwest Michigan Supportive Housing (NMSH) and provided a home. The morning after signing her lease at the new unit, I arrived for our scheduled case management meeting. I found Suzy in the tree line across from her apartment, coming out of her tent. It had been a long time since Suzy was in a place of her own. She felt uncomfortable within the four walls of her apartment and had returned to camping. After she and I had a lengthy conversation, Suzy decided that she would be comfortable with setting up the tent in her family room. Suzy stayed in the tent for a couple of weeks, then transitioned to sleep on the floor of the family room, sans tent. Finally, after six months, she was on the couch. It took a year before she began sleeping in the bed in her room.
BY BECCA BINDER
One day, after helping Suzy put her groceries away, I noticed she was placing items in a cooler behind her apartment. When I asked what she was doing, she said that she preferred to use her cooler and her small charcoal grill. This was what she was comfortable with. She didn’t know how to shop with the intention of using a stove or keeping perishables in the refrigerator. Over the next year, we worked on becoming comfortable in her new kitchen.
NMSH Working in the homelessness field has shown me that a segment of this population needs permanent support to remain in housing. Those struggling with mental illness have additional challenges, and NMSH’s goal is to support them so they can reach their greatest level of independence. NMSH helps those who suffer from mental illness get settled into housing, subsidizes their rent so it’s affordable, helps with utilities, housing repairs and maintenance, and helps them reintegrate into society after living on the streets and in shelters. NMSH exists to transform the lives of the people we serve and the community around us. We not only see homelessness as an issue, but also as an opportunity to recognize the lives homelessness affects.
Becca Binder is the executive director of Northwest Michigan Supportive Housing (NMSH). She and her husband, Rob, live in Traverse City with their two basset hounds. You can find Becca hiking a trail or sailing on the bay in her spare time. November is National Homeless Awareness Month. To learn more, visit www.nmshousing.org. Suzy and John’s names have been changed to respect their confidentiality.
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The area we were in is known as an International Dark Sky Park, which is land designated so for the exceptional quality views they provide of the starry sky. Words cannot even describe its nighttime beauty. Paired with a glorious full moon, it was truly magnificent. We had a hard time falling asleep, as we were always watching for shooting stars. On average, we saw one every seven seconds!
ALL LABOR, NO LEISURE
Between
the Canyon
Our Bucket List Trip to the
Colorado River BY KELLEY BOWKER
Mike and I enjoyed every minute of our adventure, even though it was much, much more labor intensive than we could have ever imagined. We had to load and unload the supply rafts twice a day via an assembly line, the paddling was exhausting, and the heat was extremely draining. The brochure actually implied leisure time, saying: “bring a book to read while your supper is prepared for you by the guides.” In hindsight, this was totally hilarious. After we unloaded the rafts and set up the kitchen, we had to set up our cots and personal belongings. There definitely was NO leisure time!
HANCE There are only two rivers in the world that have an area classified with rapids up to “10” (ranked on rapid length and severity). On our fourth day of paddling, we had to pass through the one located on the Colorado River: a half-mile-long stretch named “Hance.” Mike and I were in the front of the raft listening for our guide’s instructions on how many strokes to paddle and on which side. Ahead we could see the waves—and they were sizable! I had to concentrate on one wave at a time. Hance was a very wide rapid, and the rocks were as big as cars.
SWAMPED AND SWEPT AWAY
WE HAVE been making travel “bucket lists” for years. One of the biggest trips on my husband Mike’s list? White water rafting through the Grand Canyon on the Colorado River. I looove adventure, so I was all in. I decided to plan the trip for Mike’s 50th birthday, June 2016. Our Arizona adventure turned out to be one we will never forget, exciting in more ways than we could have ever imagined.
We had only navigated a few swells, when one particularly fierce wave, at least eight feet tall, curled up and over us. It crashed down and tipped our raft on its side. Water pummeled us and seized Mike, sweeping him out of the raft and into the rapids. None of us could grab him.
FIVE-DAY ESCAPADE After looking at and researching many outfitters and all the options that were available, Mike and I decided the five-day paddling trip would be the best for us (other options included motorized trips, those where the guide paddled, or even an identical trip, just six days longer). Each day, we hiked the Grand Canyon and paddled our way through very specific named areas and mile markers of the Colorado River. At night we slept wherever our lead guide found a suitable piece of earth for a group our size (13 paddlers, 5 guides).
NIGHT NIBBLERS AND SHOOTING STARS The canyon was about 115 degrees during the day, and all night that heat radiated off the rock. We slept on a cot in our bathing suits, we were so hot! We didn’t even use a sleeping bag or tent. We were warned by our guide upon arrival (of course, they declared this after there was no turning back) that we could encounter black widow spiders, scorpions, snakes or lizards. For safety, we were never to walk without our shoes on. It was freaky!
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Right away, Mike gave us the “OK” signal from the water. We were all frantic, trying to get back to our places to keep paddling. The distance between our raft and Mike kept growing, and I was overwhelmed with fear. I watched Mike trying to stay afloat, face forward, legs up. Our guide told me and some of the others, who were crying and panicked, to get it together. We had to keep paddling through the rapids, or we were all going to end up in it.
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THREE MINUTES It was definitely one of the most frightening times of my life. I remember having the most awful thought: “I am going to have to call Mike’s mother and tell her that her son died on the Colorado River.” Mike didn’t die. He got tossed around until near the end of the rapid, where we finally could navigate and close the gap between us. Our guide and another man hoisted him into the boat. He was completely exhausted from fighting to stay afloat and catching his breath in between relentless waves. In total, Mike was in the water for about three minutes. This may not seem long, but so much happened so fast. They were the longest three minutes of my life!
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EXHAUSTED Our group hiked out of the canyon the very next day—nine miles in 115-degree heat, plus our backpacks to lug. Once we made it back, I was spent. We had been paddling for five days, and that last hike had done me in. When I’d first booked the trip, I had had grand plans of hiking the canyon’s South Rim Trail the next day. Not a chance! Instead, we reminisced about our adventure and about Mike’s brush with fate. Although it had only been three revolutions on a stopwatch, it had felt like forever to us both.
LISTS FOR DAYS We checked off Alaska in 2018, which was the next trip on our bucket list. A couple of other trips we would like to take include hiking the Smokey Mountains in the fall and spending a few days on a sailboat. I think it is important to have several bucket lists, especially ones for travel. It really has helped us set goals, such as saving money and being in good physical shape to do activities. And, every trip gives me something to look forward to. We keep our list in our office, and it keeps us dreaming. I’m always up for an adventure! Kelley Bowker is self-employed and loves spending time with her family and traveling (of course!). She is also a lover of Jesus and is a personal-development and adventure junkie.
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ODDS ARE...
50/50 MY ROAD TO BEING TESTED FOR HUNTINGTON’S DISEASE
BY JENNIFER FERRIS PICTURED LEFT TO RIGHT: JASON FERRIS (JEN'S HUSBAND), EMMA, KARLEE, WESLEY AND JEN.
NO CURE. Few treatments. A life-altering diagnosis. I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be tested for Huntington’s disease (HD), a disorder that breaks down nerve cells in the brain. There was a 50 percent chance I inherited HD from my mother, who died from it when I was 19. Only one mutated copy of the gene from one parent is needed to cause the neurodegenerative disorder. Although I was scared, I decided to be tested, and the journey to my results included much more than just a needle poke.
FEAR Even when I was very young, I tried my best to help take care of my mother. It broke my heart, and I can’t imagine what it did to hers. As I remembered my mother, I couldn’t decide if undergoing genetic testing was the right thing to do. I knew I wouldn’t be able to unlearn the knowledge that if I carried the mutation, my brain would slowly deteriorate, or that I could eventually lose the ability to speak, move freely or remember. Although there are treatments for some symptoms, there is no cure. There’d be no way to stop its progression. And if I carried the mutation, there was a 50 percent chance my children did, too.
SYMPTOMS HD onset typically happens in a person’s 30s or 40s. In more rare cases, onset happens during childhood or adolescence, or much later, after the age of 80. The age of onset depends on the number of times the DNA repeat has expanded. The longer the expansion, the earlier the symptoms of the disease surface. If any part of my body twitched or if I lost my balance, I was sure it was a sign I had what took my mother. I was scared and convinced I had HD.
TESTING In 1993, when the genetic mutation causing Huntington’s was discovered, it was anticipated that many people who knew they were at risk would want to be tested. They’d no longer be uncertain, and they’d know what they were facing or would face. But since the test became available, only about 10 to 15 percent of people at risk have been tested, and that percentage hasn’t changed much over time. Most decide not to be tested due to the lack of effective treatment. I set up the testing process so many times and kept backing out. Finally, in October of 2016, I stuck to it. This was not a simple blood test. Before I could get my results, I saw a psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologist and a genetic counselor. All minds combined had to agree that I was ready to receive my results, no matter what they were. Fortunately, I passed all my tests within a couple of months, but in some cases, people wait years!
RESULTS On Dec. 30, 2016, I met with my genetic counselor, Katheen Delp, at Spectrum in Grand Rapids. I was anxious beyond compare. “Well, the weather must not have made for a good drive,” she said when I arrived. It had snowed heavily the entire way. I wanted to grab her, shake her and say, “JUST TELL ME!” “Jennifer, you do not carry the HD gene and will not be affected by Huntington’s,” she said then. “Your children are both safe.”
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HOLY WHAT??!! I was sure I had every symptom and CONVINCED I had this disease. I couldn’t believe it. At first I felt relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But then, I felt sad for those living with the disease and for others out there still at risk.
TEAM HOPE Every year, I lead Traverse City’s Team Hope Walk, a Huntington’s Disease Society of America fundraiser, to support those affected by the disease. Sometimes, I feel guilty for not having the disease. I am a healthy, middle-aged woman, and I worry that the people I see at the walk are jealous or angry at me. I know I would be. Other times, I wonder if I should let someone else take over the walk. But then I remember. I lost my mother to this debilitating disease. My children never knew their grandmother. I know the heartache of caring for someone with Huntington’s, and I understand the fear of being at risk. I know what it’s like to lose someone to HD. The Team Hope Walk is held annually, usually the first or second Saturday in August. We start at Sunset Park in Traverse City, and every year it gets bigger and bigger! This year was no exception.
SUPPORT I am fortunate to have an amazing support system, including my bonus family that took me in when I was in the process of losing my mom as a teenager. You’d never be able to tell that I wasn’t always theirs—I look more like my “Mama” than her own kids do, and my “Pops” loves me like his own. There is no cure, but there is always hope.
Jennifer Ferris is grateful for her family, including children, Karlee (14) and Wesley (13), husband, Jason, and his daughter, Emma (20). Jen is general manager at the Omelette Shoppe in Traverse City. Email her at jenjferris@gmail.com for information on Huntington’s or to find support.
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‘ Tis the season... As your home fills with holiday spirit this season, your pets may be intrigued by the sights, smells and tastes that are less commonly found at other times of the year.
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trouble (in the) hood 1814
Grand Traverse Woman
BY KERRY WINKLER
CROCS
US GETTING ALONG.
Girls’ Nights: CATS, CROCS
& ICE CREAM
EVERY fall, the kids and I settle into a few good shows we record and look forward to watching later in the week. Max is not always happy to watch the shows Brook and I pick… we have a slightly different taste in entertainment. Brook and I want absolutely nothing to do with the expeditions and historical documentaries that frequent Discovery Channel and National Geographic; we prefer a primetime drama or sitcom. This year, because Max is off to college class on Wednesday nights, the evening has turned into a girls’ night of sorts.
CATS Brook and I have a pretty solid way of getting ready for our girls’ nights. First, we always have an opening ceremony with the cats. We assemble any and all cats to come and sit on the couch with us—or we at least try. We find the one that growls the least and hopefully even purrs a bit. Brook bribes the cats with treats and toys, until they start to argue and the claws come out. Ironically, cat playtime resembles what we might have watched on Nat Geo with Max. Fur flying, we quickly release them back into the wild, our ceremony complete. Next, we cue up a favorite show. And this is where the meat of the night sets in: arguing. We need to pick between poignant (This Is Us) and funny (American Housewife), and it takes some negotiation. Usually Brook wins, as after all, she’s taken the heat of the opening ceremony. We settle in and put up our feet then, the cats happily chasing each other’s tails in the other room.
We wait until we’re a respectable 13-14 minutes into the show before casually asking about dessert. Specifically, ice cream. We pause the show and search the freezer to discover that yet again, we are not in the mood for the Winkler household’s current stock. Another argument ensues over whether it’s worth the twomile drive to the store. Can we suffer through vanilla with chocolate syrup? Or must Neapolitan rule the night? It must rule, we decide. On the way, we debate the real issue at hand: who will actually run into the store? Brook claims tiredness and childlike abilities. I trump with outfit: I am in my PJs, mismatched socks and not-suitable-forpublic crocs. And then, I play my ultimate bargaining chip: purse. There will be no negotiating. Brook argues 9 times out of 10, and loses 10 out of 10. She’s always the one to go in to purchase the contraband. I sit in the parking lot tapping my foot, ready to get back to the show, minute 14 static on the TV.
ICE CREAM Back home, we next argue over role of ice cream scooper, death glares bared. The scooper must act fast to ensure both bowls remain at optimal temperature: no one wants melted ice cream! While ice cream is distributed, the one with the remote hovers her thumb threateningly over the PLAY button, her attempt at rushing the scooper. To be completely fair, both bowls must be ready, spoons poised, before minute 15 can be deployed. Finally, we are settled again, minutes 16, 17, 18 rolling. Invariably at this point in the show, one of us declares she knows where it’s going—it went there last week and will be going there next week, too, she bets. Prediction: happy ending at 30 minutes. Where’s the mystery? Where’s the drama? Where are these actors going to end up after this disaster of a season? We scoff at our colossal waste of time and start hurling suggestions at the screen.
PAUSE But by minute 28, we start to fret that it’s almost over. The sitcom was in fact fine, the ice cream fine; it even would have been fine to wear the socks and crocs into the store. Our weekly fun is almost over. How can we extend it? I wonder. Do we hit pause again, prepping ourselves for another faux argument? There must be something we can argue about, even if we’ve already covered cats, crocs and ice cream. And so, we find a way to drag out the last two minutes, unable to give up girls’ night too easily. Max probably doesn’t even have a college class on Wednesday night, we decide. In fact, let’s pause the show right now and figure out why he seems to avoid us on these nice, calm, bonding nights. Minute 29 can wait! Kerry Winkler is the account director and publisher of Grand Traverse Woman Magazine. She lives with her 2 teenagers and golden retriever Bobby in Interlochen. She loves being active outdoors. She can be reached at kerry@ grandtraversewoman.com.
OPENING CEREMONY COMMENCES.
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momma 1615
The Wedding
WHEN we heard there was going to be a wedding, the first thing I thought was: How am I going to convince a couple of teenage boys to get dressed up for the night? But it turned out that it would be the beginning of an adventure involving bow ties, elastic and Kohl’s cash. Oh, and dancing.
THE SHOPPING I was looking forward to spending time trying on outfits with the guys—but when we arrived four-abreast at the men’s department at Kohl’s, the rest of them were already over it. “How long will this take?” Nelson asked. “Minutes,” I said. It was me and Tim and the boys, Kendall, 16, and Nelson, 15. I knew Tim would need as much help as the others, and I acted a little put-out about it, but underneath I was pleased. They all needed me, at least when it came to polyester. First off, we set up camp in the dressing room. There was no one around with a stroller, and for that, I was thankful. It’d been quite a while since I’d commandeered a changing room with my children, the long bench a perfect place to sort clothes and brawls. My heart glowed with nostalgia. Kendall had a clear directive: white shirt and paisley bow tie. I was taken aback. A month prior, the shopping trip for homecoming attire had been rough. Today, he was a changed man, decisive in his fashion choices, uncertain only in his neck size. We scouted the shelves for white shirts and rounded up two or three that might be his size. I cursed not writing down his neck size last time.
BY KANDACE CHAPPLE WWW.KANDACECHAPPLE.COM
Because it cost me precious clout with my other two clients, Tim and Nelson. And while we unfolded a shirt built for war (pins, cardboard collar, plastic bag), those two went out hunting on their own.
CHOICES MADE Nelson turned up with a plaid flannel kind of shirt and brown canvas pants with elastic at the ankles. This was his look. And he was committed. It was, apparently, what motocross guys wear for casual garb. He wanted to wear it for the wedding, and again, later, on his dirt bike. Finally, I relented. It was a tad casual, yes, but, as Nelson pointed out later, he was the only one who wouldn’t need an iron. Next up, Tim. I thought I still had a chance with him, but when I jokingly offered up a blue shirt with tiny white flowers on it, his eyes lit up. “I’ll try it on,” he said. “Are you serious?” I worried that I’d introduced a bad apple to my own bushel. The boys began campaigning heavily for the blue shirt. “See? The boys like it,” Tim said. “Who are you?” I asked, wondering how this would come together. We had Kendall in a formal bow tie and suspenders, Nelson in a dirt shirt, and Tim in, well, I didn’t really know what. For being their fashion consultant, they hadn’t heeded my advice at all. But I pretended otherwise, a mom and her three favorite boys on a rare shopping trip together, out on a Monday night.
THE WEDDING Next, the wedding itself. I figured I could offer a few tips to them there at least—I love to dance and so does Tim. My goal was to get them to soak in the full wedding experience, an age-old ritual kind of thing. Sitting with the old folks, bored through the wedding toasts, forced to dance by their mother. I was excited for them. I had endured many a U.P. wedding at their age, and I would enjoy watching them suffer at the hands of tradition. “Your new outfits must be seen on the dance floor for one song,” I said.
“Fine, sure,” they said, none of us aware of what was to come.
THE DANCING The dancing began at 8 p.m., and Tim and I were on the dance floor. We don’t care if we are the first or only couple out, nor that we aren’t that talented. We dance! And here came our sons, Nelson, unwrinkled, and Kendall, bow tie askew. It looked like they would meet our agreement head on—one and done. Or so I thought. Because they seemed to actually like it. After an obligatory dance around the floor with grandparents, mom, dad, aunt and cousin, things began to settle out: Nelson made cameo appearances throughout the night, arriving when he liked a song, dancing with his hands in his pockets, offering up support to those around him with a clap or a shove. We’ve always called him the “Emphasizer,” and he stood by his name. Kendall, meanwhile, decided to apprentice himself to his father. Every move his father made, he made. His father put one hand in the air, picked up the same-side leg and said to Kendall, “Now just bounce.” Sage advice. Then, Kendall started showing us the latest moves, including the Shoot (lots of kicking that I could not do) and the Woah (where we pretended to wrench a steering wheel to avoid a collision). After that, dance inventions starting coming, and fast. Kendall put together his father’s bounce and the Woah and asked Nelson to “hike” him a phantom football, which he caught with a tuck and turn, all in time to the music. Next, I made him learn how to twirl a dance partner (albeit to a fast song) which turned into a bit of a rodeo, during which my shoulder gave out. It was a riot. We danced until our feet were sore and Kendall popped off his bow tie. At one point, I took off my heels altogether, laying them to rest, with a moment of silence, in the garden outside. (RIP my favorite pair of sandals super-glued together one last time that very morning.) I also spent a long moment yearning for my chiropractor. In the end, the shopping and the dancing and the celebration of a marriage (Sam and Riley’s!), was a true adventure. And, despite my plans, our adventure turned out even better than expected.
Kandace Chapple is the editor and co-publisher of Grand Traverse Woman. Her essays have been published in Writer’s Digest, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Literary Mama, Motherwell and more. She loves to mountain bike on Northern Michigan trails, hike with her dog (Cookie!), her husband and two sons. Visit her at www.kandacechapple.com.
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Our Annual Holiday Area Rug Sale
Grand Traverse Woman
20% to 50% Off Our Last Advertised Sale Price! Find the perfect area rug for any floor in your home during our biggest sale event of the year. The huge variety of sizes, patterns, styles, and colors availale at Carpet Galleria can help you make your home feel new, all over again. From handknotted rugs with handspun yarns to hand tufted and machine made choices—you’ll find exactly the area rug that best fits your lifestyle. Enjoy shopping in our state-of-the-art showroom, you’ll find choosing the perfect rug is a pleasure… at Carpet Galleria. Sale ends December 30!
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