University of Miami
Professor Pamela McCluney
Spring 2009
from the college as to whether or not he could pay it off in installments but his plea was denied. Again he was not coming and once again I was left in a daze. It was the third disappointment. For the third time I asked him, “What are we going to do?” He said he understood my frustration and left the fate of our relationship up to me. I think he was stunned when I decided to keep going. He had obviously been expecting me to go on another one of my tangents, stating all my frustrations; my disappointments, my lack of trust and faith in the relationship, and I did, but something stopped me. I remembered how I felt, how I felt he was the one for me. I could not leave him, not now. Not after all the trouble and struggles that we had gone through together. “We’ll figure it out” I promised. We had to. In the coming months Joe and I spoke less and less because of his schoolwork. I felt lonely and once again frustrated. We came to a decision that it was now up to me to see if we would finally see each other. I would apply for the study abroad program at my college and see if we could meet that way. If that did not work he would try to get a job again and visit during the summer or following fall. I was praying that it would not lead up to that, uncertain of how much longer I could hold on for him. It turns out that I could not hold on that much longer because in January I broke up with him, again, because of our lack of communication. He agreed almost reluctantly, as always, and we settled on being friends, again. Undoubtedly, Joe and I have had our share of frustrations. I never in a million years would have imagined that I would suffer so much emotional pain, particularly with someone who lives so far away. Although we are just friends, our contact now is ironically better than it has ever been. It is hard to describe the relationship between Joe and me, and while the frustrations in this relationship have been almost surreal, the pain has been very real. Joe and I know, though, that this is what we want. I have not seen him in real life, I have never touched him, and no, I have never had the comfort to look directly into his eyes or anything else normal couples take for granted. So how could I love him? Quite honestly, I have no idea. That question passes my mind every day, but I think that it, as well as my answer could be used for a normal relationship too. How does anyone know that he or she loves someone? Sometimes a feeling is just enough. So, how do I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Joe? Because the feeling is simply enough. I know very well that I could be wrong. When Joe and I finally do meet we may figure things out about each other that make us never want to speak to each other again. We may not turn out to be the soul- mates we thought we were but best friends instead, or we may not turn out to be anything at all and go on with our lives without the other ever to be a part of it again.
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