Future Magazine by Grace Stamps

fu路ture

Issue 1

For millennials and post-grads who don't know what to make of time that is to be. 1

time that is to be

or come hereafter

WE MADE THIS

(AKA CONTRIBUTORS)

Grace Stamps

Andrhey Martinez

Katie Claypool

Editor-in-chief, Creative Director, Writer ____________________

Writer

Caleb Worker

Kelsey Hatcher

Photographs from Unsplash unless otherwise stated

Writer/Illustrator

Writer

Erin Oppenheim

Megan Schulz

Writer

Eva Grant

Mirko Erspamer

Writer

Graham Moore

Oren Debotton

Writer

Jack Garland

Patricia Stephens

Photographer

Writer

"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there." CHARLES KETTERING

What Are We Doing? 10

Dr. Seuss Never Prepared Me for This

Always Gold

15 Falling 16 Limbo

Where Are We Going? 20

Making the Case Against Dropping Everything to Travel

Sunday Morning in Amsterdam

What Should We Know? 30 You Have to Start Taking Care of Yourself 35

I Don't Love College

Dear Soon-to-Be Art Graduates

Advice I Wish I Could Have Given My College Freshman Self

Take Care

Who Will We Be?

A Letter to My Younger Self

Counting Steps

When You Need A Pick-Me-Up

Predict Your (M.A.S.H.O.)

Welcome to Future.

HEY THERE NICE TO SEE YOU

I made this magazine because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life and I’m not the only one. My friends don’t know what they’re doing with their lives either. Nor do most kids in my graduating class. Nor do most 20 somethings in general, I imagine. The future frightens us. It’s daunting. Post graduate life is full of expectations and obstacles. We need great jobs with salaries and health benefits, we need 5+ years work experience to get those great jobs (and no, college doesn’t count), we have bills to pay and no real means to pay them, we want to follow our passions but we’re not sure if we can, we want to be happy and we want to be comfortable, but we don’t know when we will get to that point if we haven’t already. The unknown is terrifying, but there is also a freedom to it. We don’t know what we’re doing so we have the opportunity for so much. Now is the time for us to travel, to make stupid mistakes, to try out various careers and jobs, to move, to love, to write and draw and do what we’re passionate about. Frightening yet free. Daunting yet opportunistic. Our future is a complex mix of emotions, so that is exactly what this magazine is. Future is a means by which to process. It’s about what’s coming. It’s about not knowing and hoping for the best. It’s about dreams and passions. It’s a way us to express our fears and our hopes and our dreams. It’s about the transitionary stage between our college bubble and the real world. And let’s be honest, Future is about being a little pessimistic but hoping that we become more positive. Future is about us. If you’re a millennial drowning from the weight of excitement and dread, this is the magazine for you. Cheers,

Grace Stamps, Editor

WHAT ARE WE DOING? Right now we feel lost. We lay in bed too late or get up too early. We apply to jobs or go to class. We sling coffee at a job we hate, fight senioritis to cram for a test, bust our ass off at the restaurant for a high tip so we can cover graduate school application fees. We don't have plans and we're scared; or we do have plans and we're still scared. We don't know if what we are doing is a step in the right direction or an enormous leap backward. What are we doing?

Dr. Seuss

Never Prepared Me for This

written by oren debotton I always relied on the fact that even after I graduate I will have four to five more years of professional school before I have to enter the “real adult” world. Meaning that unlike my peers I will not be thrown into that wide-open expanse of life-after-college without a job, money, or place to live and told to survive…sounds hunger game-like in my opinion. However, my safety net of graduate school seems to be nothing more than the naïve hopes of a privileged daughter.

I am one of those incredibly fortunate individuals who was born into a loving family that always ensured I was cared for. I have never once been completely responsible for my own life. I have never spoken to an insurance company, done my taxes, or have been able to afford my rent, let alone a mortgage (honestly don’t exactly know what I mortgage is…yes I am a college graduate). Now that I have finished my applications, I realize that being a college graduate student just means that I am going to have to be an “adult” but with more loans and homework. 11

My safety net of graduate school seems to be nothing more than the naïve hopes of a privileged daughter. Remember that book written by Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You Will Go? It was one of my all time favorite bedtime stories. I always dreamed big in my choice of career and never had the patience to wait. After retiring from being a professional ballet company dancer, I had to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. It was during one of Sea World’s, now prohibited, orca shows that I spontaneously and impulsively made the decision to become a veterinarian. Yes, dancer turns science major, but this is what should be expected. According to Dr. Seuss, I would be fine. I was fine all right, but it took a while to get here. Taking college classes is difficult enough as it is, but I never gave my science classes in high school much thought and now my every day was science. Something must have clicked because after struggling for a year or so I raised my GPA from the black abyss (which resulted from partying to hard freshmen year). Now I was applying to veterinary schools and a master program in biomedical sciences, waiting to see if they like me enough to offer me one of the hundred seats they have available. Here is the problem. Despite all my effort to make my self a worthy applicant I am still the

runt of the litter of highly intelligent and experienced prospective veterinary students. The idea of being a graduate is nerve-wracking in itself, but now I am faced with the realistic understanding that I might be denied to both veterinary school and the master program. This would mean that I would actually have to enter the “real world.” Stress at its finest. The thing is I have been misled. Dr. Seuss’ book has not prepared me for all these pessimistic and realistic decision that accompany “going places.” You have to find a place to live, the money to feed yourself, and a job that you spent four years working to have. Instead the book just instilled the idea that “You're going to go places, kid. Enjoy the ride!” (I think that line is from a movie but I am not sure which). Point being is that being an adult means working alongside the “unknown,” and for the past four years I have known exactly where I was going to be, the classes I was going to take, and the life I was planning on leading. My safety net of veterinary school as a leeway from entering the adult life had been a sad delusion. Whatever happens next, graduate school or, God forbid, getting denied, I will be thrown in to life-after-college. I will be responsible for my elf, and my decision will lead me down a path I do not know. Great.

ALWAYS GOLD created by caleb worker

falling. Year 1: An ivory wall cracks under the exertion of an eager chick.

Year 2: Inexperience begets mediocrity; her song is half-baked.

Year 3: Soft down sheds like snow. Autumn fells unripened fruit yet she attempts flight.

Year 4: A broken wing aches. She loiters the ground in shame and picks at dead nuts.

Year 5: Spring mends Winter's foul. The skies await company yet old pain lingers.

written by patricia stephens

LIMBO I’m staring at a blank computer screen. It’s not the first time. I can recall many times when I didn’t know where to begin on a writing assignment. But as a student, I knew it would all be OK. I would stay up all night and drink coffee all week if I needed to. My essays might have been thrown together last minute. But if I didn’t receive an A on the assignment, oh well. There was always next time. I always knew that it would work out because I knew how to be a student. This is different. I’m no longer a student. I’m no longer in my comfort zone where I know how to write a last- minute essay or pretend that I completed the assigned reading. The blank screen I’m staring at is much more important because it’s a cover letter. It’s rewriting my resume. It’s responding to essay questions from an application. This writer’s block is very different from the past because my future is riding on it. The pressure becomes more overwhelming the longer my fingers stall over the keyboard, and it leads to a cycle that I fear I won’t be able to escape. Fear then leads to frustration. I graduated from a university. Why is this so difficult? I’ve already lost that spring in my step that gradu16

ating gave me. It’s funny how quickly that feeling came and went. Now self-doubt is more familiar. This cycle of fear, frustration and doubt eventually leads me to the question: what if I am unable to find a job? What if all of this money and time I’ve just spent on a university education didn’t prepare me for life in the real world? I have loans to pay back. Lots of them. The clock is ticking and my grace period for paying back those loans is slipping away. I become more familiar with these thoughts and feelings because the cycle continues when I’m not stalled in front of my blank screen. Once I finally overcome that writer’s block and complete applications, it’s time for the waiting game. There are only so many job openings, and even fewer that I qualify for. Waiting might be worse. The waiting drags on and on. I may have paid for a university education, but nobody told me about this limbo between student and successful adult. And the waiting game continues.

written by megan schulz

photograph via death to stock

WHERE ARE WE GOING? We reflect on where we've gone, what we've done, and wonder where we will end up. Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re told now is the only time we will have this much freedom, that we should take advantage before time slips away. Our adult responsibilities are vast but they mostly concern us, thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nothing tethering us in place (except, perhaps, five plus figures of student loan debt). Yet we are also told we need a plan. We need to find a job, one with benefits. We need a salary, a 401k, a savings account with more than forty cents in it. We need to look/act/be professional. Do we take advantage of our freedoms? Do we travel the world or move to a new city for the hell of it? Or do we buckle down? Do we find a career with all the necessities and then some? Or do we stay here? Do we take it easy and try not to worry about our space, our place, our geographic location? Where are we going?

Making t Case Ag Droppin Everythi Travel 20

the gainst ng ing to A Travelerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Diatribe Against the Elite Dailyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s of the World 21

written by erin oppenheim Within the travel industry there’s a rose-colored Instagram filter perpetuated by semi-famous travel bloggers, upper-middle class students on their semester abroad, and/ or upper-middle-class-recent-graduate-trustfund-babies taking a “gap year” that everyone absolutely has to drop everything and travel. Because, that’s totally feasible and responsible, right? They say things like, “If you don’t now, you never will, YOLO,” and post mediocre photo edits with American typewriter text overlaid telling you you’ll never regret travel, you miss only the shots you don’t take, the definition of wanderlust, and any other stream of bastardized quotes from Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, Helen Keller, and oh my god the Rumi quotes. What are their reasons? Why are the Elite Daily’s and Buzzfeed’s telling you to drop everything and travel? Because you’re young, because you’re more willing to take risks, to be inspired, to humble yourself, for the stories, for the people you’ll meet, for the romance, for the food, to find yourself, to get perspective, for your soul, to gain strength, to be an explorer, to fall in love (way to be redundant, Elite Daily, but what else is new?), and last, certainly the most cliché, but not least to appreciate the moments. Let’s break some of this argument down, shall we?

Because You’re Young Exactly. You’re young. We’re young. We have so much time left on this earth. You’re 20s last an entire decade, you don’t have to go RIGHT NOW. You can be smart, save up, get some good vacation days. It’s not a zero-sum game, you don’t have to choose between settling down right away or having an adventure. You can kind of do both. You can get a job, save up, and still go adventuring. Beyond that, this argument is horribly ageist, you’re not too old to travel in your 30s, heck you could push it and travel well into your golden years. Modern medicine is a thing, you’re not an invalid at 70+.

Because You’re More Willing to Take Risks You know what, Elite Daily, you got me there. We are more willing to take risks. Like shouldering hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt in order to receive a piece of paper that proves we’re educated, but doesn’t guarantee us a job in my field with a livable wage. But, you’re right. Let’s just ignore those pesky little loan payments and instead dive deeper in a financial hole and buy a one-way ticket to Europe (since it’s the only place you seem to think people should travel to). Defaulting on a loan can’t be that bad, right? Oh well. Just a risk you have to be willing to take I guess.

To Humble Yourself

Humble yourself right now and recognize that travel is a privilege. It costs a lot of money, and it’s not something everyone can afford to do. Honestly, the “drop everything to travel” narrative is perpetuated by people with a lot of socioeconomic privilege. It’s easy to say “drop everything and travel” when you know your parents will bail you out when you overdraw your checking account, it’s not so easy when you don’t even know how you’re going to make rent, pay the electric bill, and feed yourself all in the same week.

To Find Yourself So it’s senior year, you’re getting a degree you don’t know what to do with, and you’ve realized you have no idea who you are or what you want. During commencement look to your left, then to your right, and recognize that none of your peers know who they are. And even if they do, they don’t, because you change so much throughout the course of your life that the you you are right now will not be the same as you five years from now. Life is just one big exercise in finding yourself, whether you’re traveling or not. Do you get closer to that person you want to be while traveling? Yes. Does that mean you should abandon everything to go find that person? Probably not, because you want to be the kind of person with common sense.

To Get Perspective Get some perspective. See “To Humble Yourself.”

To Fall in Love We’ve really over-romanticized travel, haven’t we? That’s how the industry makes money, of course. Advertisers make you believe you’ll fall in love with a stranger at a French café, be whisked away on the back of a Vespa, meet a busker on the streets of Dublin, all very one-dimensional, European ideas of love and travel. This isn’t reason enough to drop everything and travel. In fact, it’s shallow and horribly misguided. Travel should be motivated by nothing more than curiosity about the world around you and how you can contribute to it. It’s about intercultural exchange. Only rarely does that include falling in love while abroad. It’s not impossible, just not any reason you should drop everything to travel.

To Be an Explorer You know who was an explorer? Christopher Columbus. Do we like Christopher Columbus? No. Be a Traveler. Be a Global Citizen. Participate meaningfully in the world around you. The whole world, not just Western Europe, like Elite Daily will have you believe. That means careful planning and research, really get to know where you’re traveling to, all the history and social context. Sure, your plans might, and likely will, go out the window once you’re in-country, but it will be that much easier to deviate from a plan when you already have one.

Here’s the biggest reason not to “drop everything and travel,” the people telling you to do it? Hardly even dropped anything to travel. Travel bloggers (the ones actually making money travel blogging) are often, if not always, sponsored by certain hotels, hostels, resorts, tours, etc. etc. They’re trips are paid for, and this is their job. Your Elite Daily freelance writer also didn’t drop everything to travel. In fact, they probably did most of their traveling during a semester abroad- that’s a lot different from quitting your job and up and moving to a new corner of the world with no return-date. While there’s not necessarily a right or wrong way to travel, it just doesn’t make sense to “drop everything” and go. Travel smart and travel intentionally. Take the time to work, save up and plan a meaningful experience. And, maybe look beyond Western Europe, Elite Daily. 24

Travel smart and travel intentionally.

SUNDAY MORNING IN

written by kelsey hatcher

AM STER DAM

I find myself aching for something more than solitude and less than friendship. It’s an aching that leaves me crying for the second time in a narrow, less-than-twin size bed, under a hot duvet, at 5 am, next to someone who is sound asleep, on a street I can’t pronounce in the middle of Amsterdam. In an Airbnb with flakey wifi, there is no void to shout into, no Instagram or Twitter or Tumblr, and not enough characters in the world to describe this feeling anyway. I am alone, empty, and overstimulated, and can only let my anxious mind ask the questions I usually do everything to drown out. Sometimes the only way to win against your sadness is to first let it consume you. That’s 26

why people go to therapy. Being in this city, more or less alone, has my anxious mind asking all of the right questions for once. What am I actually going to do when I graduate? How am I supposed to reconcile with my mom when I don’t think I’ll ever be ready? Do I stay in Colorado or go somewhere new? Who am I? What do I really want, and which wants am I sacrificing (or worse, fabricating) for others? How feasible would it be for me to stay in this city forever?

"Sometimes the only way to win against your sadness is to first let it consume you. That's why people go to therapy." These questions would be followed with a laugh if I asked them out loud. But in this silent room under this hot duvet, the tears just keep rolling down my face, each sob stifled so as to not wake my roommate. I am frustrated to finally have the right questions with no good answers. I quietly wrap the duvet around my body and tip toe to the glass balcony door, carefully roll it open and emerge into the damp, ice cold morning air. I sit on the rusting patio chair with my knees up to my chin, nesting myself inside the hot duvet. The cold air soothes my flushed cheeks and sticky eyes. I look over the mossy shingled roof of the next building, and across the street to the tall leaning buildings, barely lit by street lamps, with glowing warm insides not hidden by curtains or blinds. Each building is a leather bound book leaning on its neighbor, each street a shelf of carelessly stacked novels with ancient binding, cracked but persisting, and some more obviously crooked than the rest. I miss this view already. I hurt for this place, this feeling of oneness I’ve never had before, a confidence in traveling alone that I have never felt, and I already miss it as I sit on this patio. I miss the foggy mornings and the crooked buildings and the brick streets and the countless galleries, cafes, and museums. I miss the mornings I didn’t get to wake up here, and I miss the ones that haven’t happened yet. I miss the person I get to be, this version of myself that has been unburdened of social anxiety and stagnating depression, graced by anonymity and a long list of things to do. How feasible would it be for me to stay in this city forever?

The sky begins to glow, lighting up the still morning. Few things stir before 9 am. The sun rises just enough to turn the windows across the street into mirrors. They gape like blank eyes, showing greyish muddled reflections of the buildings opposite their cold stare. Mourning doves begin to coo, and I can hear the first bikes ticking down the street. I didn’t have to grow to love Amsterdam. I knew it when our train from the airport burst through a tunnel onto a wet, grey landscape of geometric buildings and bike paths and tiny cars and green grass and dark grey rivers. I remember being fixed on the window, staring blankly on, as my camera hung useless around my neck. Somehow I feel like I am back home already, even as I sit on this patio, wrapped in a duvet, breathing a visible breath. I don’t belong here yet, so I am resolved to spend the rest of my time here as a tourist. I am too afraid to leave myself here, even if I have to leave the sense of self that this city has granted me. It isn’t feasible for me to stay here. I have a degree to finish, I have conflicts to resolve, and I have a career to begin. I don’t know when I’ll be in a place to return. I may never have the money, the stability, or the career to come home to Amsterdam, but I can find the city anywhere. I’ll find it when I go to an art museum alone, or go out for breakfast alone, or take a walk in a foggy drizzle alone. I’ll find it in sidewalk cracks and mourning dove calls. I’ll find it when I take a picture, drink a Heineken, and stay up all night talking with a new friend about the practical implementation of democratic socialism. This city has given me confidence and certainty, which I am terrified to lose. I don’t want to lose this sense of self. But Amsterdam has also given me patience. 27

WHAT SHOULD WE KNOW? We’ve already established that we don’t know what we’re doing nor where we’re going. But we don’t want to be caught up in the unknown forever. How do we move past this? How do we guide ourselves to where we want to be? We found some answers for you. We wrote it ourselves, or distilled it from the unsolicited advice every baby boomer has thrown at to us (cutting out the “Build some character,” “Get off your phones,” “You’re too young to understand,” and other such stereotypical claims of our naivety). How do we take care of ourselves? How do we fight stress? How do we navigate this world? What should we know?

written by megan schulz

You Have to Start Taking Care of Yourself Self-care wasn’t really part of my vocabulary as a college student. Taking a full course load, working two jobs, and also trying to fit in a social life with both my partner and my friends meant that I didn’t have much time to take care of myself. But after graduating, I had so much free time that I didn’t know what to do with it. This brought new challenges, including resisting the temptation to spend all of that time watching Netflix. But it also meant that I could learn the art of self-care. I have more time to sleep, exercise, grocery shop for fruits and vegetables each week, cook healthy meals, relax, and find new hobbies. This doesn’t mean that the adulthood of my post-graduation life is a blissful world. I still don’t always remember to eat all my servings of fruits and vegetables and I don’t do laundry regularly. I’m still figuring it out how to create a habit of self-care in my life. But it feels great to finally focus on my mental and physical health. What follows is a picture of what self-care has meant to me, both before and after graduating college. 30

USING SPARE TIME

Before: I walked across campus, then up three flights of stairs to class. Isn’t that enough?

B: I have twenty minutes before class, so I’m going to nap in the library to make up for the 4 hours I slept last night.

After: I have some time before work this morning, so I am going to practice some yoga before breakfast.

A: I am done with work for the day and have a few hours before I need to make dinner. I could practice yoga, clean my apartment, write, pull out my coloring book, or watch the newest episode of Broad City. (Maybe all of the above?)

SLEEP B: It’s 1:00 a.m. and I’m going to bed? I’ll actually get 7 hours of sleep? I’m a responsible human being. A: It’s 10:30 p.m. I think I’ll go to bed early tonight so I can wake up early tomorrow.

NUTRITION B: For breakfast I drank 2 cups of coffee and took a muffin to go. For lunch, a bagel and cream cheese. Dinner, delivery pizza before going to the library forever. Post-dinner I downed another cup of coffee and ate chips at the library. A: For breakfast today I drank coffee, ate a banana, avocado, toast, and two eggs. For lunch, a salad made of spinach, whole grain pasta, cherry tomatoes, cheese, and balsamic dressing. For dinner I made chicken fajitas with bell peppers, onion, fajita seasoning, and tortilla. No post-dinner coffee and chips.

...it feels great to finally focus on my mental and physical health

DEALING WITH STRESS B: I have a book to read, an essay to finish, and an exam to study for. I think I’ll take a nap instead. A: Hunting for jobs is becoming super frustrating. I need to take a break, light my lavender candle and just breathe.

I still don't always remember to eat all my servings of fruits and vegetables

EXERCISE

"After years of stressful weeks, sleepless nights, and meals consisting of too much junk food and coffee, your well-being deserves some attention."

NETFLIX B: Netflix just released the newest season of Orange is the New Black, so I have to watch all of it right now, even though I should be studying and I will absolutely feel guilty after finishing the season. A: I think I might take my time re-watching Mad Men with zero guilt after each episode.

READING B: This 50-page article assigned for class tomorrow is never going to end. A: I think I will sit outside today and read I Am Malala before moving onto Bossypants.

GOING OUT B: School sucked this week. We need to go out, stay out all night, and evade sleep because we deserve it. A: Let’s have a girls’ night-in this weekend. We can make dinner, catch up over wine, and watch Beyoncé music videos. After years of stressful weeks, sleepless nights and meals consisting of too much junk food and coffee, your well-being deserves some attention. Taking the time to look at what’s needed to live a healthier and more joyful life pays off as we move forward into adulthood and face new stress and frustrations. To face those challenges, self-care is essential. 33

written by eva grant photograpy by jack garland

I Don't Love College When I graduated High School in 2011, I was beyond excited to leave for college. So excited, that I’m pretty sure I annoyed the crap out of my poor, patient family. I packed my room about a week before I left and then forced my parents to wake up at 5am on the day of move in so that we could make the three hour drive to be at the dorm right at 8am. So annoying. I arrived at Colorado State University bright eyed and bushy tailed with a good GPA and an idiotic belief that my four year plan to graduate and move on to Physician Assistant school in Oregon would go off without a hitch. Five years later, my GPA has been completely shot to shit and I am just now preparing for graduation with absolutely no plan for my future. So that’s fun. Turns out, that life can get weird really fast in college and everything can go downhill at an alarming rate. Next thing you know, your Mom thinks you’re depressed and your Dad is asking if you’re a lesbian. Here’s what happened… It started pretty small. The girls in my dorm revealed themselves to be the mean, cliche sorority girls everyone warned me about, but they were kind enough to wait until after I had made plans to live with them the following year. The guys weren’t that much better either. I grew up in a small town and had been in class with the same people from 6th grade to 12th so I was excited to meet some guys who weren’t there when I hit puberty and hadn’t figured out what “style” meant. Turns out, all these guys were either trying to make their super dysfunctional relationships work with their girlfriends who were still in High School, or described themselves as, “a bro, but not like, a lacrosse bro.” Spoken like a true winner. None of that is even that bad, boys are easy to shake off and in my sophomore year, three of my best friends from home transferred to CSU and I met my two other besties, forming a little circle of my own, personal Beyonces. Everything was great for awhile but as the semesters went on I suddenly started to feel really anxious about my future and grew restless in my major. My plan slowly began to unravel until soon it was changing on a weekly basis and eventually the whole thing went out the window. I started jumping around to differ35

"So I did what any mature adult would do: withdrew, stopped talkin ent majors trying to find something that clicked with me. Unfortunately, these field trips soon cost me my four-year graduation date. I started to feel trapped in school and was desperately trying to figure out a new, perfect plan so I could get out. At this point, the only thing about my future that I could be sure of was that there would be laundry and some bills. Soon, my focus in my classes started to fade and my academic performance tanked, taking my GPA with it. I even got a few concerned emails from some professors. I thanked them for their concern and mentioned something about working through some personal issues even I wasn’t sure what they might be. Suddenly, I felt like I was moving in slow motion and everyone else had figured something out that I was missing. My sweet, beautiful friends who I love dearly complained about getting B’s while I was failing entire classes. I couldn’t help but compare myself to them and eventually started to find it really difficult to connect with them. They were off getting their teaching licenses and scholarships for their art and academic performance. Meanwhile, I was in my room eating a kit-kat and watching The Office for the third time because it was easier than dealing with another draining and rejecting day on

campus. When I tried to talk to my friends about feeling behind and like I had no idea what I was doing, they assured me they were just as lost as I was, but it didn’t look that way. With their perfect GPA’s and resumes that could make a Harvard grad blush, I just couldn’t understand how they could relate to how I was feeling. So I did what any mature adult would do: withdrew, stopped talking about my feelings, and ran away to New Zealand for a month. It worked for a minute, in New Zealand I did almost nothing but eat brie, drink rose and sit on a beach for four-weeks. I thought I had hit a reset button on my mental health and enthusiasm for school and that that all my problems would be solved forever when I came back. A meltdown in a cheap Sydney hotel room proved otherwise. So when I got back, I picked up the papers that I needed to take a planned leave from school, in other words, drop out. To be honest, I have no idea why I never filed them. My wonderful parents supported the idea without blinking and I had brilliant plans of making money, working out and reading books. I would resemble some strong female lead in a movie that really has it together until some guy comes along and messes everything up, minus the guy though because feelings are gross. But for some reason I never pulled

ng about my feelings, and ran away to New Zealand for a month." the trigger and showed up for the first day of class. I envisioned the upcoming semester as this big brick wall that I just had to break through, that this semester was going to be my come back and I was totally going to kick its ass. Instead, it kicked mine and I failed another class. It was more discouraging than I can say and I just wanted to take a nap for nine years instead of carrying on with college. But I was desperate to graduate college at some time in my twenties so I enrolled in summer classes. That brick wall is an asshole. But you just have to find your way through it. Go up, over, under, around, it doesn’t matter you just have to get through it no matter what. Prove to yourself that you can do it because let me tell you, victory is sweet my friend. When I began my summer classes, I didn’t have any big expectations. I told myself to ride the next few months like a wave and see where I ended up. Finally, I got A’s again and started preparing for my final year of college. I found my way through the wall, to graduation, and I have some totally unsolicited advice on how to I made that happen. First, talk. As someone who refuses to discuss feelings unless I have had one too many glasses of wine, I may not have any credibility here but whatever. I found out I couldn’t talk to my friends about some things so I went to a therapist instead and it was awesome. It really helps to talk to someone that wants to listen to your thoughts and won’t judge you for being a middle class individual, benefiting from white privilege complaining about college,

an opportunity so many people don’t have. I also learned some really important things about certain relationships that was pretty profound and life changing, so I defiantly recommend it. Odds are your school will offer some kind of free counseling sessions as part of your tuition, so take advantage of them. And if anyone ever tries to give you crap about seeing a therapist, throw a clump of dirt in their face. They obviously suck and probably need therapy more than anyone. Second, take a break. I don’t care how passionate you are about what you are doing or learning in school, your mind and body is going to need a second away from it. Listen to what your body is telling you. When you start feeling tired, don’t be a hero and push through it, just go take a damn nap. Finally, screw the plan. If something isn’t working out exactly as you hoped it would, just relax and lean into it. Things are going to get screwed up a million times and in a million different ways from now until you die so get use to it. Having a plan is not everything; maybe just have a general idea or an outline. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to know where you want to end up, but don’t get caught up in the details of getting there. And when something does going wrong, take a beat, readjust and look for the humor in everything because I promise you’ll find it, and eventually you’ll get exactly where you need to go.

Dear Soon-to-Be Art Graduates relate to what I am about to say but if not, at the very least, I hope this letter will help many of you realize that the stress and concern about what happens after graduation is a common part of graduating and that it can be overcome.

written by mirko erspamer Dear Soon to be Art Graduates, As your academic careers are about to come to an end and your life in the professional world is about to begin, I would like to take a moment to write you this letter. Allow me to share with you some of the feelings and experiences I went through during and after graduation. I am sure many of you will

For as long as I can remember, I have had a strong passion for art. As a child I loved to draw and paint. Not only did it make me feel as though I was in my own world, away from common stress and concerns but it was a talent I had that I knew many people did not share and that made me feel unique. As I got older, that passion did not fade. However certain worries and stress began to manifest themselves alongside that passion. Growing up, I heard what all artists hear from their non-artistic peers, â&#x20AC;&#x153;You're pursuing what . . . art? What are you going to do with that? You are not going to make much money with that degree.â&#x20AC;?

Do those remarks sound familiar to you? For many of you, I would guess they do. People tell us those things as if making money was the sole reason for existing. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not. Even after I had chosen graphic design as my degree (an art form in which one is generally able to find a job with a steady salary) I would still hear those remarks. To be honest I never paid much attention to those comments until I reached university. That is when those words started to become stressful to me. I graduated from Colorado State University in May of 2015. During my last week of school and graduation weekend, I felt what most graduating students feel: relieved, excited, and scared. I was relieved that the long journey of school was finally coming to an end. I would no longer have to worry about homework, exams, or writing papers on dull subjects. I had made

"You're pursuing what...ar you going to do with that?

it through university. As I held my Bachelor’s of Arts degree, I felt a joy unlike any other. However, with that joy and excitement also came stress about the future. That stress appeared in my mind in the form of a simple question, “Now what?” I felt as though I had made no real, concrete plans for after college. As the pressure manifested itself, I was again haunted by those voices telling me that my degree was a dead end. For months I tried to find a design job within the Fort Collins area but to no avail. I made phone calls. I checked online. I dropped off resumes. Every business I talked to would give me the same remark, that I needed more professional experience in order to be qualified. Whenever I heard that I would think to myself, “How am I supposed to get that professional experience if I am not given the chance?” Many of you will be told the same thing by various businesses during your job search. Believe me, it is maddening. Although it is

rt? What are ?"

Try not to let the worries and stress of the unkown keep you from enjoying your well-earned achievements. difficult to find that one job that can give you the experience necessary to reach your higher career goals, it is not impossible. As it turns out, this is a common problem many students face as they enter the professional world. It is not an issue only specific to artists. As the months passed by, I still had no job. The voices from the past reminding me that art would get me nowhere financially seemed to be getting louder. Nevertheless, I never gave up searching. If you give up and stop searching altogether then your chances of not finding work are 100%.

That is a key difference between those who pursue degrees simply for the money and those who follow it for the passion. In my opinion, those who are in it solely for the money will find it difficult to find happiness in their work. During graduation I was stressed and worried about the future. That fear and stress is a normal part of the graduation process. Sometimes it helps to take a deep breath and reflect on how far you have come. You are graduating from university, congratulations! It is a moment to be proud of. It is important to think about your future and work hard to pursue your artistic goals. However, try not to let the worries and stress of the unknown keep you from enjoying your wellearned achievements. Sincerely, A Fellow Art Graduate

Opportunities will reveal themselves to you. It may take a week, a month or 8 months, as it was in my case but as long as you do not give up and you keep searching, you will find opportunities will present themselves. I now work as a graphic designer for the newspaper of my home town and I love my job.

Advice I Wish I Co My College Fresh Staring graduation in the face has me reflecting on my college experience and how much I have developed and grown as an individual in my four years at Colorado State University. I remember all the advice I was sheepishly reading about in books and articles my nervous summer before moving to the dorms Seeing where I am at now, I feel as though I could give my freshman year self much better advice than any of those books or articles were telling me. out to fit in all of them. Know that yes, you can explore as many options as you want when you get there, but recognize that it is also okay You’re going to meet so many people in col- to step back from the ones that don’t truly fullege, especially in the dorms – the people on fill you. Same goes for parties and going out your floor, the people on the floor below you, with your friends. It’s okay to stay in on the the people from anothweekends or week nights Take time to explore the and not feel as though you er dorm who are friends with the people on your world beyond those four need to go out all the time floor…The point is, when block walls in your dorm to live out your college exyou leave that door open, perience. Sure, those parroom. you’re opening up the opties were fun but oftenportunity (literally) to meet all these people times I remember the nights I stayed in with and to build these connections. my friends more.

Keep the damn dorm door open.

Don’t think you need to be a part of everything. Yes, there are so many things for you to do once you get to college. There are intramural teams, clubs, groups, niches that you can be a part of, but that doesn’t mean burning yourself

Introduce yourself to your professor. I remember being very intimidated freshman year about introducing myself to the professor after the first day of class. I figured I was just another face in the crowd but what I didn’t realize was how impactful just a simple intro-

ould Have Given hman Self. duction could be so that they are able to put a face to the name if you later need to e-mail them about a question or grade you got on an assignment. It wasn’t until much later in my college career that I learned to do this and I realized just how impactful this was on my classes.

grades don’t have to be number one. It’s okay to get a C on a test, it’s okay to miss a couple days of class for a mental health break. Don’t let grades define your college experience and keep you from doing other things that are important to you.

Live beyond your dorm walls. Take time to explore the world beyond those four block walls in your dorm room. It’s amazing how much you can learn about yourself and the city you’re going to school in if you take the time to get out there and experience it all. Enjoy doing homework at a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop or take time to peruse that boutique on the other end of town. When you open up your walls, you’re opening up opportunities for yourself.

You are more than your grades. Yes it is important to strive for good grades in college, that’s what you’re paying for. However, good grades should not be the sole purpose for why you’re in college. You’re here for the experience, the internships, the connections, the memories too. With all of those other things

written by katie claypool photography courtesy of katie claypool 41

quick, easy tips for self-care

You gotta do some sort of exercise now. If you're a recent post-grad, "I have too much homework," is no longer an excuse for you to skip the gym. Find something you like. It doesn't have to be big. Find a yoga channel on YouTube and do a little stretching here and there (we recommend Yoga with Adriene). Go for a light jog. Try some simple calisthenics in the morning. Audit a few gym classes like cycling or pilates or zumba. Find something you love that gets your body moving. You won't regret it.

Cook. Buy real, fresh produce. No more prepackaged meals or greasy pizza. As a post grad you should have more time to make decent a meal. Still college-level broke? Just add something healthy to your 20 cent ramen or easy mac: spinach, egg, edamame, etc.

take care of yourself

Try something creative. According to positiveliving-now.com there are slew of benefits to creativity. Among them: it may help you think clearer, unwind, work through a difficult problem or personal loss, resolve conflicts, and more. Try it out. Draw a picture, journal, play some music, whatever you feel. Mental health is as important as physical.

Try to get more sleep. If you're a post-grad or a student who has a pretty free schedule, give yourself a bedtime. I'm not going to bore you with the benefits of sleep, as I'm sure you've already seen at least thirty Facebook posts on it, but know that it's good for you and you should aim for at least seven hours of sleep a night. That's the sweet spot.

WHO WILL WE BE? We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a clear idea of what we are doing now or where we are going, and just a sense of what we should know. We wonder how our current decisions will affect our near and distant future. Will we be exhausted and overworked? Will we blossom in to the people we always wanted to be? Will we be confident in our sense of self? Will we focus on our career or build a family or work tirelessly to right the wrongs in the world that had us fired up in college? Will we forget about what is important to us, or will those ideas shift, or we just follow our passions, through thick and thin? In the end what will change us? What will shape us? Who will we be?

A Letter to My Younger Self Dear 17-year-old me, Today you are probably at school. You probably have soccer practice after class ends, and then Mom will make a family-sized feast of spaghetti to prepare for your game tomorrow (make sure to thank her for that). You might do some homework or studying after dinner, but not too much. You’re nervous for college next year. You don’t know what you’ll study, and you don’t want to lose your friends. You really don’t know what to expect, and that’s terrifying for you.

In high school, you define yourself as a student athlete. School and soccer rule your life. That will change. It will seem bittersweet that you are leaving part of yourself behind, but you will learn to redefine yourself through new passions. As a college student, academics will take on a new meaning. You will find new love in the pages of history books on Nicaragua in the 1990s and in your course on the sexual history of the U.S. You will find joy in reading and writing essays on women’s movements in 20th century Egypt and the role of the LGBTQ community in Franco’s Spain. You will feel challenged by your history courses and great pride when you earn your degree. You will also discover a love of Spanish. You will dive so deep into this new love affair with the language that you will move abroad for a semester. You will stumble through Andaluz Spanish, relax in European plazas, get lost in cobblestoned alleys, greet strangers with besos, and eat endless tapas with wine. Living abroad and traveling alone will make you aware of your own self-sufficiency, and you will find a new home halfway across the world. Along the way, you will meet best friends who fit right into your life. You will meet most of them by chance: in the dorms, through a friend, in class, at work, and during your travels. Brand new friendships will feel years old. You will keep each other company while writing a last-minute paper, chat late into the night, create silly memories in photo booths, go to IHOP at ungodly hours, explore new places, catch up over brunches, and laugh until you can’t breathe. The relationships you build in college will be the focal point of some of your greatest memories. Your studies, travels, and friendships will lead you to a better self. You will be proud of that person: a fierce feminist who stands up for what she believes in and cares for others. You will work and study hard. You will (almost) always procrastinate. But you always get shit done, and at the end of the day, what matters is that you love and care for those around you. It isn’t always great. You won’t be a student forever. 23-year-old-you doesn’t know when she’ll have full time job or how she’ll pay back thousands of dollars in loans. Adulthood is demanding, overwhelming, and frustrating at times. But everything and everyone you encounter over the next 5 years will lead you to the best version of yourself yet, and you will be ready to take on the next chapter of your life. You are ready.

Your studies, travels, and friendships will lead you to a better self.

I’ll let you in on a little secret: college will be great. Not really because of the parties you’ll go to, and not really because of new freedom from curfew. A lot will change. But most of it will lead you to a better version of yourself.

Love, 23-year-old Megan

Counting Steps written by anonymous

Counting steps while listening to a true crime podcast and walking to class. The narrator talks about a teenager killing his parents. It makes me uncomfortable but I don’t pause the story. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. I get stuck behind two girls walking slower than my counting pace. My chest swells, my bronchioles tighten, my heart beats a little too fast. I feel like someone is squeezing the air out of me, sitting on my chest, pushing harder and harder on my sternum and – I pass them. Suddenly. They slowed and moved to the right of the sidewalk. I resume my pace, count at the correct rate. 48

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. I feel my heart beat slow, my breathing regulate, my chest expand as the pressure dissipates. I feel a little better. When I was diagnosed with ObsessiveCompulsive Disorder I thought everything would change. In a sense, it did. But not really. I became more aware of my tendencies, I had new expectations for myself, I assumed people would understand what I was going through. When I told my parents about my diagnosis they weren’t surprised or worried. They said, “Oh, well that explains why you washed your hands so

much in elementary school,” and “Well I’m sure that helps you to be more of a perfectionist in your art. It’s part of you I thought my friends would be more understanding. I assumed they would be tolerant of my obsessive tendencies, more patient when I got stuck on a silly rumination and needed to verbalize it incessantly. But little changed for them. My ridiculous, unfathomable thoughts still got on their nerves no matter how much patience they afforded me. (It’s not their fault, I exhaust myself with my own thoughts, I can’t imagine how tiring it must be for them to hear them, too.) It felt like everyone expected it and nothing changed for them. I was still their same friend/ daughter. Except now I just took medication and saw a therapist. But the diagnosis shocked me. I cried for weeks with relief and frustration as I read the symptoms of OCD online. I could connect to so many of the symptoms. I finally knew why I felt and acted this. Yet I was upset. This was abnormal, I had an anxiety disorder, I could not control my thoughts, my body, my actions. And more than anything, I was irritated that it took this long to come to a diagnosis. Here I was, a few months from graduating college, and I had just found out I had an anxiety disorder. I had displayed symptoms of OCD since I was a child, but no one had ever done anything about it. For twenty-three years I had encouraged my bad habits, solidified in my brain that to make an anxious thought go away I needed to check the stove or drive around the block three times or convince myself I did/did not have a disease or could/could not be a murder, etc. Worst of all, I felt alone. The diagnosis limited me. Before, I planned on living anywhere in the country. I wanted to leave Colorado and find a job further west, perhaps California or Oregon. But now I had to stay in

my college town, tethered by my disorder. “You need at least six months of therapy to make healthy habits,” my psychiatrist told me. “With someone who specializes in OCD,” she later added. Six months, at least. Six months in town, seeing a therapist weekly, taking pills daily, trying not to check the stove or car door, trying not count, trying not to repeat my schedule in my head all day, trying not to say mantras so people don’t die, trying not convince myself I am/am not a murder/pedophile/insane. I feel like post-grads feel stuck as it is. They are worried about finding a job they love and paying rent. They wonder if they’ve made the right or wrong mistake. They wonder how their future will be. Now I feel more stuck than ever. I’m worried about finding a job, especially since I need to stay within a certain mile radius of my therapist’s office now. I wonder how I will pay rent, as I must now dedicate a chunk of my paycheck to monthly therapy fees and the medication. I wonder if I’ve made a mistake, choosing to work on my disorder rather than pack up and leave and hope for the best. I wonder how my future will be, how this revelation will truly effect my life. Right now, all I know with certainty is that future me will still have OCD. The severity of which seems uncertain. The thought of my future makes me feel anxious. As I write this, my chest is swelling, my bronchioles constricting. My tongue is dry and it feels as though there is something on my chest, pushing harder and harder in to my sternum, forcing it to bend. I’m fighting the urge to count to eight. My fingers move across the keyboard and I want to say One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, on beat to each click clack. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. 49

When You Need a Pick-Me-Up Don't worry so much about what you're going to do... enjoy figuring out who you are. That's the important part.

e ve r y b o d y h a s wo r t h

Knock, someone will open the door. Ask, someone will answer.

At some point, you are going to feel under qualified, ill equipped and unprepared. The biggest thing is to remember, that at its core, life is just one big opportunity - a consecutive series of moments where you get to say "yes" and see what happens. Count your blessings. Write down everything you have and what you've done, put it on your wall, when you're feeling down remind yourself of yoru accomplishments.

Comparison is the killer of creativity. Get out there, take chances, make mistakes and figure out what it really is that you want to see happen in the world. The only timeline you're on is your own.

" You 're b rav e r t h a n yo u b e l i eve, st ro n g e r t h a n you s e e m, a n d sma r t h e r th a n yo u t h i n k. " christopher robin, whinny the pooh

A dear friend once told me: "In life you'll meet three kinds of people: comrades, coworkers and friends. Comrades are against what you're against. You're connected through some sort injustice and you are fighting for the same cause. Coworkers are for what you're for. You'll find yourself rallying around a similar purpose or vision, but once the goal is achieved, you might feel the connection fade. Friends are simply for YOU. These are the people that invest for the long haul, regardless of what your life looks like at the time. These are the people that stick around and are worth building your life with."

written by graham moore 51

fu路ture predict your

M.A.S.H.O. (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House, Outhouse)

Spouse

Occupation

Salary

Vehicle

City

# of Children

Pet

INSTRUCTIONS: Fill in numbers 1-4 for each category based on the category title. For example, under "Spouse" you can write anything from your best friend's name to your celebrity crush, just someone you would marry in your future. Once all the categories are filled, draw a spiral in the empty space above. Stop whenever you want. Count accross the spiral from top to bottom to get the magic number for the game. Now, start at the M in MASHO and begin counting by moving through all the letters of the title and what you wrote for each category. Count up to your magic number and elimnate whatever letter/word/phrase you land on by crossing it out. From here on out, do not count anything that has been crossed out. Continue counting with your magic number until you are left with one answer in each category. Fill out the form to on the back to predict your future!

In the Future... I will live in a _____________________________ ( M.A.S.H.O. )

located in _________________________________ ( CITY )

I will marry _______________________________ ( SPOUSE )

We will have ________ children and a(n) ( # OF KIDS )

________________ for a pet. ( PET )

I will work as a ___________________________ ( OCCUPATION )

and earn _______________ a year. ( SALARY )

I will drive a ______________________________ ( VEHICLE )