How to Help Your Children Process Their Emotions

by Julie Baumgardner

How do you feel when your child has a meltdown? is not. For example, physically hurting others or You probably do everything you can think of to help destroying things is not acceptable, nor is it OK to them, but absolutely nothing works. It could be in say hurtful things. the store checkout line, at bedtime, the second you walk in ● Take three deep breaths or count slowly to 10. your friend’s house or at a birthday party. You may find Breathing deeply or slowly counting to 10 gives your yourself at wits’ end and literally on the verge of having child time to recognize their body’s warning signs, your own meltdown. such as a tense body, clenched teeth or a racing heart.

There probably isn’t a parent on the planet who can’t Talk with your child about how their body feels when relate to this experience. Your blood pressure goes up and they are angry or frustrated. Then introduce the idea you can feel everyone watching you. So, you reach into the of taking a few breaths to compose themselves and recesses of all you know about good parenting in an attempt choose a better course of action than striking out at ● Remember that it is never OK to hurt others. Set another person. ● Use words to express feelings and hopes. Acknowledging their feelings gives them legitimacy. Saying what they wish would take place helps to open a problem-solving conversation. Sometimes what they wish would happen is not acceptable, but this is part of the learning process. It’s also a great opportunity to help them think of other options. ● Ask for help to solve the problem. Talking through a problem helps to process the situation, even for adults. Let your child know it is OK to ask for help solving a problem, and keep channels of communication open so they feel they can always come to you for help. to use something you’ve learned, but absolutely nothing will problems than a spat with a sibling or frustration with console your child. a friend.

What now? ● Take the time needed to calm down. Teach your child

Before you judge yourself too harshly, know that you are that sometimes the proposed solution may not seem not alone. There is nothing worse, no matter how old you are, to be enough. They may still feel angry or upset after than feeling out of control. Children have meltdowns. But working through each of the steps. In these situations, guess what? Sometimes adults do too. it is often better to walk away or find another safe way Christie Burnett, editor of Childhood 101, encourages parents to diffuse those feelings. to consider developing a “Calm Down Plan” to help children Whether you’re younger or older, it’s difficult when cope when their emotions overwhelm them. These steps can you feel out of control. These steps can provide a sense of help them when they are upset or feel out of control. security and help you develop a plan of attack for those 5 Steps to Managing Big Emotions moments when big emotions try to take over. One day, they’ll be working on much bigger 36 // September 2020 clear guidelines about what is acceptable and what About The Author Julie Baumgardner is the President and CEO of First Things First and a certified marriage and family life therapist.

Gò0dNews on Encouragement

Spiritual Entrepreneur: 100 Days of Encouragement by Brad Perkins

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). The world needs more entrepreneurs, more good ideas, and more courageous people who see a need and will do something about it. The world especially needs more Christian “spiritual” entrepreneurs who recognize the opportunities God is revealing to them and are then courageous enough to act on it.

On August 14, 2019, I read in Richard Foster’s book “Celebration of Discipline,” “The fruit of solitude is increased sensitivity and compassion for others.” Over the next several days, I reflected on this thought and prayed, “What can I do to make the world a better place and have more compassion for others?” God brought to my mind the image of an older gentleman I would see often at coffee shops around town. It appeared to me that this man was always meeting with collegeaged students. I saw him so often, I started asking others if they knew who he was. It turns out he is a retired minister who meets with young adults to mentor them. Wow—someone willing to give up their time and energy for the betterment of others to speak encouragement into their lives!

Six days later, God’s prompting came: “I want you to write letters of encouragement—for 100 days.” Yikes! What would people think? I feared people’s thinking I was a weirdo or that I wanted something from them. I also thought, why should I write these letters? I need encouragement. I’m going through a tough spot in life; I’m out of work! Nevertheless, I submitted and started writing to family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, celebrities, heroes, cultural villains, and the older gentleman from the coffee shops.

Each day, I would pray, “God, who needs encouragement today? Who do you want me to write to?” Each day, He would bring someone to mind for me to write to, sometimes people I absolutely did not want to write to. 38 // September 2020

But what I discovered as I wrote these letters was that I was being encouraged. I was focusing less on myself and my own problems and more on others and how I could speak into their lives. Gratitude was changing my attitude.

Over the 100 days, I received responses like, “I really needed to hear those words because I was in a very dark place.” I had people approach me in tears, saying, “I’ve

never received anything like that before, and you don’t know how perfect the timing of this was.” Others said, “You believe in me more than I believe in myself.” Maybe there’s someone you know who needs to know that you admire them, look up to them, believe in them. During this time of quarantine, maybe now is the time to write and tell them? We all need encouragement.

“I shall pass this way but once; any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show to any human being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” –Etienne de Grellet (Quaker missionary)

About The Author Brad Perkins is a 12-year banking veteran who enjoys speaking and writing on Middle Eastern Culture. He and his wife, Heather live in Cleveland, Tennessee, attend Silverdale Baptist Church, and volunteer with an organization to help refugees feel welcomed and loved.