The Veiled Provider

by Sheneka Land

It was mid-December of 1990 as I drove my clunker across town in disillusionment, anger, and disappointment. Hot tears burned my eyes and rolled down my cheeks as I made my way to the Department of Family and Children Services as a recipient of the Empty Stocking Fund. I had returned to my hometown that spring as a divorced, single mother with my toddler son, Cole, and my sevenmonth-old daughter, Candace, who was in desperate need of a liver transplant. Candace had received her transplant in July, but life remained full of struggles with no relief in sight. Following her surgery, Candace required twenty-two doses of medicine daily and constant care. Most nights there was little sleep for either of us. On this cold and rainy morning, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Finally left alone to myself, I was flooded with humiliation, and I angrily lashed out at God. Why have you allowed rejection to rule my life almost since the day I was born? Do you even care at all? Where are you?

Arriving at the distribution center, I was directed to a table where I would receive two gifts for my children, a frozen turkey, and a bag of groceries. Returning to my car, relieved and somewhat thankful that I now had gifts to give my children, I still bore the weight of embarrassment and self-pity as the hot tears returned. God, why aren’t you providing for us? Deep in my spirit I heard, “I just did.” My pride instantly melted, and I was changed by the warmth of God’s love.

On Christmas Eve, I baked my Christmas turkey with thanksgiving and joy. On Christmas morning, Cole was ecstatic over his gift, and I’ll never forget Candace’s big smile and twinkling eyes as she hugged her teddy bear. That Christmas was to be my last spent with Candace. On February 13, 1991, she succumbed to liver transplant complications, and my maternal hopes were dashed as I watched her lowered to the dark earth on a cold and rainy Sunday four days later.

Many Christmases have passed since that dark day, and I’ve known the waves of sorrow that wash over a broken heart that feels trapped behind a veil of pain and suffering. Yet, I’ve also experienced

the miracles of God’s goodness and provision that are wrapped in divine mystery. No matter the circumstances of our lives, God remains sovereign, and His purposes cannot be thwarted. Those who have found Jehovah Jireh behind the veil of broken dreams can testify of the God of hope.

“May the God of all hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit,” (Romans 15:13, NIV).

About The Author

Sheneka Land is an ordained minister and a graduate of the Pentecostal Theological Seminary. She enjoys speaking and writing and is co-author of From Rejection to Validation (pathwaybookstore.com). Sheneka pursues opportunities in care ministry where she can spread the news of hope and transformation to the suffering. She is mother to four sons whom she homeschooled for twenty-four years. She and her husband, Jon, currently reside in Cleveland, Tennessee. www.thethreadsofgrace.com