Finding Approval

by Todd R. Gunderson

How do you seek the approval of others? It’s an uncomfortable question for some, and to others, it’s the driving force that ensures their unique place in this world. I think I’m somewhere in between these extremes, yet I still find myself doing things for others expecting a pat on the back. My goal, of course, is to be a blessing to others less fortunate, and happily, I have a sense of duty to many. I’ve always enjoyed helping where I can, but God seems to show me those areas where I matter.

Recently, I was reviewing Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It’s a theory of human requirements arranged in a pyramidal structure where physiological needs form the base (food, water, etc.). As I read the descriptions of each step, they seemed to make sense. However, when I reached the pyramidion and read the word selfactualization and its descriptors, I had to learn more. The term has controversy among social scientists, but I simply saw the idea as an unreachable goal. Maslow interviewed many individuals who, in his mind, had reached self-actualization. I could not imagine how he knew they were self-actualized—surely, they must have told him. Wikipedia explained his thinking. “All were ‘reality centered,’ able to differentiate what was fraudulent from what was genuine. They were also ‘problem-centered,’ meaning that they treated life’s difficulties as problems that demanded solutions. These individuals were comfortable being alone and had healthy personal relationships. They had only a few close friends and family rather than a large number of shallow relationships.” Sounds good, but it is also described as having achieved one’s full potential.

I can appreciate the ideas to a degree, but Maslow’s “esteem” tier, second from the top, had more meaning to me than any of them, and as I stated earlier, it’s what drives me to some degree, and reasonably, many others. It’s where we find the approval of others. His descriptors here are respect, status, recognition, strength, and freedom. Truly, these ideas mark great politicians, doctors, orators, or CEOs. Even Maslow’s third step, “Love and Belonging,” includes a sense of connection. It, too, can aid in our feelings of approval. Yet, I had one question stirring in my heart and mind. It was prompted by a scripture. Proverbs 16:18 states, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” Does scripture play a role in our ascent on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? It should. Searching for approval can often create a feeling of guilt when promoting personal talents, and there’s

a fine line between sharing and flaunting. We all want the approval of others, but I think it might be best to leave it up to God. Self-actualization seems prideful.

I began to question how anyone can claim his top tier of self-actualization when each of us has so much more to learn in this life. I would rather strive for a Godly sense of approval with the lesser tier of “esteem.” I find it to be a healthy goal for humanity. But Biblically, we learn that respect for others is instructed, status is appointed, recognition is rewarded, strength will be renewed, and freedom is achieved through the power of God.

About The Author

Todd R. Gunderson is a teacher, author, and woodworker who lives and works in Cleveland, TN. He has been teaching for 25 years for Bradley County Schools. He earned his teaching degree at Lee University and a Master of Science in Education from Arkansas State University. Todd lives the country life with his wife, Laura, 4 children, 4 cats, and 2 dogs. You can see his books and woodworking projects at ToddRGunderson.com.