GOOD FAT L I F E MODERN HEALTHY LIFESTYLE
TRANSFORMING FAMILY TRADITIONS 50 CUPS OF COFFEE LIGHTEN UP 2020 TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE
SUPERFOODS
WHAT ARE THEY?
Q1 ISSUE JANUARY 2020
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T
ransformation is the theme of this first issue of Good Fat Life in 2020. Yes, it is 2020. The idea for this theme came from many of our readers who are ready for a new conversation at the beginning of not just a new year, but a new decade! I have always loved the idea of a fresh start and a new beginning. However, while New Year’s resolutions may be inspiring, the average resolution is forgotten by January 8th. Hmmmm. What’s up with that?
“The ‘you’ you are now is imperfectly perfect. You can always choose to grow, change, and evolve. That is our birthright. Step into this adventure and love the journey.” Sherri Richards
I did a bit of research and found that the custom of setting New Year’s resolutions started over 4000 years ago with the Babylonians. For early Christians, the first day of the new year became the traditional occasion for thinking about one’s past mistakes and resolving to do and be better in the future. This implies that we have failed or are less than in some way, and we must be fixed by whatever our resolution is. Not surprisingly, the top three resolutions for 2020 according to Google are: 1. Lose weight. 2. Improve finances. 3. Exercise more. My very unscientific research shows this to be a similar theme for decades! What if we turned this idea on its head, and declared that we are imperfectly perfect just as we are? And instead of needing to be fixed, we are simply evolving as human beings? This idea says that we are continuously growing which is in part a transformation. Our traditional New Years Resolutions can be reframed as just our next steps in our personal evolution. All growth starts with an idea. Each article in this current issue was chosen from that premise. How can we be who we are right now and grow from there? We purposely included a few extra articles, book reviews to inspire you to think a little differently. Be it your identity as a leader (Identity Leadership, Stedman Graham), the food you choose to eat (Superfoods, Dr. Nandi), the clothes you choose to wear (High Cost of Fast Fashion, Jim Gilligan), the people you have a cup of coffee with, (The 50 cups of Coffee Challenge, Bobby Audley), the places you travel to (Travel is a Game Changer, Karen Gill) each article offers an idea that inspires a transformation. The articles present a different aspect of our daily lives. So, grab your favorite beverage, get comfortable, and be prepared to begin your journey of transformation into 2020. Every choice you make has a larger impact on the people you surround yourself with and ultimately our planet. Make the ones that support the continual evolution, growth, and yes, transformation of your best self! Happy New Year! May it be your best year yet!
Much love, Sherri Richards
Publisher sherri@goodfatlife.com
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Contents 5
Creating Your Money Map to Financial Freedom
10 Fresh Start for Success 14 What are Superfoods? 18 Transforming Family Traditions 20
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
22 The Benefits of Hugging 24 Lighten Up 2020 Transform Your Year 25 Sherri’s Favorites Book Reviews 26 You Made the Wrong Appointment 28 Travel is a Game Changer 30 The High Cost of Fast Fashion 32 50 Cups of Coffee 34 ApPARENTly
6 | Good Fat Life
January 2020 | 7
GOOD FAT L I F E
Publisher Marketing Consultant Art Director Ongoing Contributor Creative Director Creative Consultant Contributing Writers
• • • • • • •
Sherri Richards Megan Bachand Jennifer Knutson Dr. S. A. Thiringer, D.O. Maria Rea Joey Leslie Kristi Hunt Lori Burns
Wini Curley Sherri Richards Jonas Preest Jim Gilligan Joey Leslie Bobby Audley Kelly Ferencz Dr. Partha Nandi
Contact Us Sherri Richards
440.289.8321 sherri@goodfatlife.com
I know this name can be confusing. The name Good Fat Life originated from our Good Fat Bars and Good Fat Company. We found that people who understand how important it is to incorporate good fat into their diet, also care about taking other positive and proactive actions in their lives. Thus we created a lifestyle magazine as a way to connect and inspire people who care about the world they live in, including their health and well being. Our readers want to be educated in a non-biased and evidence-based way by people who are doing amazing proactive things! Living a Good Fat Life represents intentional focused living, knowing how to make a difference in both our bodies and the world we live in.
Visit us on the web at goodfatlife.com
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Visit us on the web at goodfatlife.com to view our online digital edition, or subscribe to have Good Fat Life magazine delivered directly to your home.
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TRANSFORMING FAMILY TRADITIONS 50 CUPS OF COFFEE LIGHTEN UP 2020 TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE
however, we cannot make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no responsibility or liability for inaccurate information or placement. No content can be duplicated without the permission of Good Fat Life.
8 | Good Fat Life
SUPERFOODS
WHAT ARE THEY?
Q1 ISSUE JANUARY 2020
Contributing
Jim Gilligan is at his core an environmental evangelist. He owns Snedicor’s GreenEarth Cleaners in Brighton and Howell, Mich., which uses environmentally safe methods to keep clothing clean and looking good. Gilligan became Michigan’s first certified AcroYoga instructor in 2014. An outdoor enthusiast, Gilligan is an avid bicycle tourist, mountain biker, cross country and telemark skier, kayaker, Stand Up paddler, and motorcyclist. Father and step-father to five, Gilligan lives in Livingston County, Mich., with his wife, Sherryl. My name is Lori Burns. I am a wife, mother, and student working towards my master’s degree in professional counseling. I live in Franklin, Tennessee, love watching football, the Oregon coast, and Frenchpressed coffee. I’m a self-proclaimed homebody. These days, I find my most of my time spent in front of the computer in my sweatpants, trying not to mangle my words, sometimes forgetting to eat. Life is good. Kristi Hunt graduated with a bachelor in Marketing and International Business, Kristi moved to Chicago and pursued a career in business. Falling in love with the food scene, she enrolled in a traditional French Culinary program. Soon after, she began working in the culinary industry. Now, as the Nutritionist at the Good Fat Company we provide clean, sustainable fuel for the body. Kristi’s approach with product development is to create simple yet pleasurable products that our bodies can trust and rely upon. Kelly is an independent single mother of two beautiful daughters. She raises them to find the positive perspectives that are the silver linings to every situation and experience. She raises them in the presence of a loving tribe that she has surrounded herself with as she has grown to be her own hero. A hero that draws superpowers from being around other strong women, practicing yoga, professional therapy, finding positive perspective, and being honest about the obstacles that she has lived to tell about. Today, Kelly is the strongest, most positive version of herself yet. A women willing to share her story so that others, in moments of uncertainty, can draw strength in knowing they aren’t alone.
AUTHORS Bobby Audley is a Leadership and Team Culture Expert, Keynote Speaker, Podcast Host and Lead Facilitator with the Penneau Training Group. In 14 years and over 700 teams served, Bobby and his team believe organizations do not need more technology, do not need more information, do not need more best practices, we need genuine, honest, authentic and invested relationships. Learn more at www. PenneauTrainingGroup.com. Follow Bobby on his journey to 50 Cups in 2020 with his weekly podcast www.50CupsWithBobby.com and check out his TED talk ‘The 50 Cups of Coffee Challenge.’ Joey Leslie is a Creative Consultant for Good Fat Life and the founder of Cleverest Group, a marketing agency specializing in brand identity and storytelling. You can reach him at joey@cleverestgroup.com. Wini Curley, PhD is a Leadership and Resilience Expert, Inspirational Speaker, and Teamwork Consultant. Organizations hire Dr. Wini to show stressed leaders and their teams how to pivot effectively in the face of challenges and energize their next win - whether they are on a roll or in a hole. She provides targeted training and coaching that blends her personal development expertise, deep intuitive skills, and inner science geek. Clients engage and expand through her innovative approaches to build trust, breakdown internal barriers, and strengthen resilience. Learn more at www.WiniCurley.com and www.GiftsFromWini.com. An M.D., Patient Advocate, Health Hero Practitioner and Leader, Dr. Nandi was born in Calcutta, India. Partha Nandi survived rheumatic heart disease and made an everlasting commitment to patient care. Through this trial grew the intrigue and drive necessary to become one of the leading patient advocates in the United States. Jonas Preest lives and writes in Plymouth, Michigan. He is having an outstanding day, and he hopes you are having a better one!. Connect with him directly at JonasPreest@ gmail.com; on FaceBook at www.facebook. com/jonas.preest; or on Twitter @JonasPreest January 2020 | 9
10 | Good Fat Life
FRESH START FOR SUCCESS For many years, I had some version of the conversation below with myself. It usually happened in January or late December. Perhaps you can relate. by Wini Curley
“I have to do better. It’s time to get serious about setting goals and making changes so I can achieve what I want. Even though some of this list is the same as last year, I know I can do it. If I can just be more focused, clear, disciplined, happy, etc. THEN, I will be able to reach my goal.” This conversation did not typically make me feel excited or empowered, at least not for long. Two weeks in, it felt like drudgery. Does that sound familiar? I finally realized that this approach was not providing a fresh start. I always felt like I was struggling to climb out of a hole. No matter what the goal was, my unconscious beliefs had me starting my journey for improvement with three fatal flaws: •
I judged the current situation as deficient and/or wrong;
•
All my attention and energy focused on doing, serving, and pushing myself.
•
And, I was always looking for the next step.
Those may not sound like flaws, but stick with me here and look deeper. Below are three tips to avoid the fatal flaws, and create a fresh start for success.
Accept ‘What Is’ - Release negative self-judgment, and give yourself permission to accept where you are. Wanting to improve or make a change does not mean you should be condemned for where you are starting from. Begin by assuming that your current situation is just as it needs to be. You have done nothing wrong, nor are you deficient or incorrect. Where you are is perfect for you, given everything on your path till now. If you feel resistance to this idea, breathe, and keep reading. Holding on to subtle (or obvious) feelings of regret or negative self-judgment about where you are, or how you got there, are likely to hold you back. You become stuck to the past with shame and blame. Releasing shame and blame and starting from acceptance of the current situation without judgment lightens the burden of change. Breaking free and moving forward becomes much easier without guilt loading you down. Starting from a place of self-compassion and acceptance for ‘what is’ does not mean you have to stay there. Years ago I resolved to improve my health – which included losing weight. The more I stewed over reviewing or regretting how I had gotten 50 pounds overweight, the harder the progress January 2020 | 11
became. When I finally let go of the shame and blame, accepted myself as I was, and focused on what I could do each day to eat healthily and move my body, I began to make progress. It wasn’t always easy, but consistently giving myself permission for the outcome I wanted (rather than judging how I got there), opened the door to success – even in the face of the inevitable slips along the way. Keep Your Receiving Channels Open – There is nothing wrong with pushing yourself. The various tasks and activities that will move you forward may require it (or, it could be easy!). In either case, don’t get so focused on what you can do, and what you have to offer or contribute (energy out) that you miss what is available to come back to you (energy in).
Rather than feeling like you are climbing out of a hole, this approach will provide a fresh start from level ground, where you can choose your path forward. To keep things in flow and in balance, and to avoid becoming drained and feeling alone or unappreciated, notice and receive support. You could even ask for it! Create a Support Team. Identify one to three people who will support your process. Share your goals with them. Include people who provide emotional encouragement, accountability, skills mentoring, and creative problemsolving. As you get more comfortable with being actively supported, stay alert. 12 | Good Fat Life
Unexpected support and offers that open doors may come from surprising sources. On my weight loss journey, I hit a super difficult plateau. I happened to share my story with an acquaintance. Turns out she had a device that could measure my metabolic daily calorie burn rate. This knowledge from an unexpected source supported a major breakthrough for my progress. Celebrate the Moment – Take the time to acknowledge and celebrate what may seem like small accomplishments. Stop and reward yourself for progress before you move on to the next step. The celebration can be as simple as a ‘happy dance’ or a conversation with your Support Team. Even if you have taken two steps back - learn from any mistakes, and celebrate your next step forward. Intentionally feel and express pride in your accomplishment. Allow that celebratory feeling to become frequent and familiar, by including small wins. Baby steps matter, nothing big was ever achieved without them. Don’t just mentally check off a box and look for what is next. Instead, savor the moments. I invite you to join me in using these three tips to reinvent how you approach the challenges presented by your goals or any important change you want to make. Rather than feeling like you are climbing out of a hole, this approach will provide a fresh start from level ground, where you can choose your path forward.
Pick one outcome/ change that you will be excited about and proud of no matter how challenging or easy it turns out to be. Approach the variety of actions and tasks required to get you there, with the promise of a fresh start. Give yourself permission to accept that where you are is the perfect place to begin this part of your journey. While you are busy doing what it takes, stay open to noticing and receiving support in expected and surprising forms. Remember to celebrate baby steps, and savor the moments of accomplishment before you move on. If you already have a list of resolutions •
Forgive yourself for not being there yet. This may involve looking back at the challenges that hold you back, being honest about them, and then finding the blessing in the mess. What did you learn, how did you grow, what behaviors and beliefs did you find out are not what supported you in moving forward. Which ones did? Clarity is power.
•
Open your receiving channels.
•
Be grateful for where you are.
•
Weather the storms.
•
Let go of judgment – Check in and see if you have a belief that where you are is less than ideal or ‘perfect’. When you evaluate where you are, how do you feel? Is there resistance, like you have on a coat that is too small and you want to wriggle out of it? Where you are is actually perfect for you, given everything that has been in your path, and how you responded.
•
Feel the success.
•
Celebrate baby steps.
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WHAT ARE SUPERFOODS? You’ve probably heard the term “superfood” used quite a bit in the health food world, but what does it actually mean? by Dr. Partha Nandi
14 | Good Fat Life
A
“superfood” refers to a food that is rich in nutrients and extremely beneficial to your well being. In most cases “superfoods” include organic, plant-based, whole foods. In today’s processed and fast foods diet, superfoods can at times be few and far between. But when it comes right down to it, these superfoods are exactly what your body truly needs and craves. Not only do these foods provide you with the vitamins and minerals that your body needs to function properly, or help you maintain a healthy weight, they have countless other benefits as well. Superfoods can help prevent diseases, improve your mood and energy, support your gut health and so much more.
running smoothly. Studies have shown that soluble fiber slows the breakdown of carbohydrates in your body. This helps to make you feel full for a longer time.
Studies and research has shown that the avocado also contains oleic acid, which is a fat that activates the part of your brain that makes you feel full. Researchers believe that oleic acid helps to create a greater feeling of satiety than less-healthy saturated fats. Consuming one cup of avocado supplies you with nearly 1/4 of your recommended daily intake of folate. Folate has been found to help cut the risk of birth defects. Studies have shown that eating avocados may help to protect your unborn baby. High folate intake PACKED has also been studied and WITH It is important to note results have shown that it is that even for those foods associated with a lower risk that we deem “super”, of heart disease and heart there is no single food attack. Avocados are high in that holds the key to good the mineral potassium. Low health or disease prevention. potassium levels can lead to high Remember variety is the spice blood pressure, which raises your risk of life! Have fun and add a variety of of heart attack, stroke and kidney disease. superfoods to your weekly meals. Research has shown that the avocado contains more potassium than the banana HEALTH BENEFITS and can help normalize blood pressure OF AVOCADO and lower the risk of kidney failure and heart disease. A beneficial food to eat, the The avocado contains a great amount oleic acid and dietary fiber in avocados are of lutein which is a carotenoid that key when it comes to normalizing blood works as an antioxidant. Lutein helps to sugar levels which is great for heart health protect against eye disease. Research and helping to reduce the risk of has found that the avocado diabetes. Research is being done also contains the related now to discover if there is a carotenoids zeaxanthin, correlation between eating alpha-carotene and beta avocados and reducing carotene. The avocado arthritic pain. Researchers also aids in the body’s believe that because LOWER BLOOD ability to get more of these avocados contain high PRESSURE nutrients from other foods. levels of monounsaturated Because carotenoids are fats, phytosterols, and soluble in fat and not in water, antioxidants such as Vitamins E, eating carotenoid packed foods like fruits C and a variety of carotenoids, avocados and vegetables along with avocados helps may help reduce the inflammation that your body absorb the carotenoids. Eating leads to arthritis. just half an avocado will give you nearly 3.5 grams of fiber. The fiber consists of Please go to AskDrnandi.com to both soluble and insoluble fiber, which download Superfoods Book in its aids in keeping your digestive system entirety. askdrnandi.com/cookbook/
VITAMIN A&C
HEALTH HERO
CHALLENGE
Take the first step. I challenge you to make one small change swap out one processed food snack or meal with one of our superfood alternatives once a week. This small change will have a big impact on your overall health. 15 SUPERFOODS • Almonds • Avocado • Beets • Blueberries • Cumin • Ginger • Peas • Watercress • Lentils • Quinoa • Cacao • Turmeric • Mushrooms • Garlic • Pomegranates
HIGH IN FOLATE
January 2020 | 15
AVOCADO & EGG EXTRAVAGANZA Serves 4 INGREDIENTS 2 large avocados 4 small organic eggs 4 slices chicken bacon, cooked then crumbled 4 slices whole wheat toast Gluten-Free Sub: 4 slices of Gluten-free toast Sea salt to taste Fresh cracked black pepper, to taste Fresh chopped tomatoes Hot sauce (optional) PREPARATION Pre-heat oven to 425 F. Crack eggs in a bowl. Be careful to not puncture yolks. Set aside. Cut avocados in half and remove seed carefully. If seed is very small, scoop out a little at a time to match the amount of egg.
AVOCADO-BANANA CHOCOLATE PUDDING Serves 6 INGREDIENTS 3 medium ripe bananas, peeled and cut into pieces (save some for topping of pudding) 1-1/2 medium ripe avocados, pitted and peeled 2/3 cup coconut milk 6 Tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder 2/3 tsp pure vanilla extract 1/4 tsp freshly ground cinnamon 1/4 tsp sea salt Dried coconut shavings PREPARATION In a food processor, add bananas, avocado and coconut and process until smooth. Add cocoa powder, pure vanilla extract, cinnamon and sea salt to food processor. Mix until creamy. If the mixture is too thick, add more coconut milk until desired texture. Place in an airtight container to cool down. Serve topped with sliced banana and dried coconut shavings.
16 | Good Fat Life
In a baking dish, rest avocado halves inside edge of dish so that the avocado doesn’t tilt over. (You don’t want to have raw egg spilling out.) Gently scoop out one of the yolks and place it into the hole of the avocado. Continue spooning egg whites in the avocado hole until it is full. Repeat for all avocados. Add salt and pepper on top of egg to taste. Put baking dish in oven and bake for roughly 13-15 minutes. Time depends on how much egg you have and how big your avocados are. Remove dish from oven. Sprinkle rumbled chicken bacon on top. Scoop out avocado and spread mixture onto toast. Add extra salt and pepper to taste. Add fresh chopped tomatoes and hot
MONEY THERAPY
CREATING YOUR MONEY MAP TO FINANCIAL FREEDOM by Sherri Richards
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I can sleep at night knowing that I have a plan and am seeing progress!
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This is fun, I can’t wait to tell you about how much we have been able to save this past month.
•
•
•
•
My husband and I actually had a real conversation about money, and we want to make a plan together. We just need help with the steps to do this. I GET IT! I get why forecasting is important. It’s a plan of what I want to do, rather than always feeling behind and stressed. You mean, we can compare how much money we make in our business with how much money we need to pay our bills? I had no idea. I can see how much my business and profit is growing, now that I have clean numbers in Quickbooks. Wahoo!
These are the real comments I received from a few of my clients this week. As I have said many times, we are not taught in our society how to work with our money. These are smart people. They are very good at what they do. Managing money is a skill that is no different than learning to read or write. I know you know how to read and write. You can
learn the tools to use your money to create the life you want. My favorite phrase is “You start where you are, and that’s OK. Given this is the start of a new year, ask yourself the following questions? 1. What events/goals do you want to create in 2020? What will they cost? ►► Become debt-free? ►► Do you want to have fun with friends and family, new family traditions? ►► Do you want a new kitchen? ►► Maybe learn to cook? ►► Have 50 cups of coffee with new people? 2. How much income comes into your home? 3. How much do you spend? Add in the total from Question 1 and Question 3. Subtract that total from Question 2. What is the gap between 2 and 3? When you can answer these questions, it is like saying you want to go to Chicago, and you know that you are in Houston. You can plan what resources you need to get from Houston to
Chicago. You know what you need. You look at a map. You see how far you have to go. Gas or plane tickets, time to travel, clothes to take, etc. These questions become easy to answer if you have a map and you know where you want to go. If you can’t answer these questions, it’s like saying you want to go to Chicago, but you have no clue where you are, so you just keep driving where the next road takes you. You could end up in LA or Montreal. You have no idea. Then you wonder where you are and you ask why am I not in Chicago? You are lost and have no idea what resources you need to get there. This includes time and money. You need a map to see where you are relative to Chicago. I promise you this is not rocket science. My clients have AHA moments every day, once they start making and following their roadmap. If you need help getting started, look for someone in your community to help. There are all kinds of resources out there. If this doesn’t work for you, send me an email, Sherri@goodfatlife. com. I’ll walk you through it, or as some of my clients say, hold your hand while you take those baby steps. Financial freedom is about making a choice. The coolest thing is, you ALWAYS get to choose. January 2020 | 17
TRANSFORMING FAMILY TRADITIONS “It’s not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.” — Mother Teresa by Lori Burns
O
ur family has, over the years, developed many traditions just for Christmas.
It wouldn’t be the holidays without a decorated tree, lights on the house, the Griswold’s on Christmas Eve, and garland around the door. These are just fun little things that mean Christmas is here. We establish them and they’ve worked for many years. But sometimes, a family member comes along and decides to shake things up. Nothing treacherous like serving mac and cheese instead of mashed potatoes, but just enough to cause a little controversy around certain beloved traditions. I’m talking about a new vision, a transformation really, of how we experience receiving gifts from the patriarch of our family. Let me tell you, doing something different at Christmas is not as easy as it sounds. There is guilt. There is pressure. Not everyone gets your reasoning, some are more than happy to argue with you, and no one does a better job at stirring these emotions than my father. Dad has a somewhat unconventional
18 | Good Fat Life
idea of giving at Christmas. Each year on Christmas Eve, we, his children, all get a crisp, $100-dollar bill (Unless you are under the age of 18, in which case you get a crisp $50-dollar bill). With the money, there is also the MOST valuable item, in my opinion, a letter. A handwritten, personal note from dad. A rare, once a year treasure. And yes, I keep them all. Now, there is only one rule to this gift from my father; you have to spend the money on yourself. No exception. Sounds like a no-brainer, right? Well, one of the undeniable highlights of Christmas for me is giving gifts. This is where the guilt and pressure of Dad’s stupid rule haunts me every year. It’s only money. I should be able to spend it how and where, or on whomever I want, right? So why is this tradition so important to my father?
When it comes to giving, particularly during the holidays, we tend to think in terms of material things. Things are great to give and get, for sure. They can bring joy or surprise. They can provide someone with something they would never splurge on for themselves or something they genuinely need that is beyond their means. For me, and I can’t speak for my siblings here, it is the note from my father and the Crispy tradition.
Each year my father sits down and carefully thinks about what he wants to say to each of us. This takes time. The money is easy. His gift (the letter) is an expression that affirms and encourages us, and shows that he cares for us beyond something that he can buy at the store.
I believe my father has transformed not only what giving looks like, but also a new way to think about how we invest in our relationships with our family. I am proud to pass this tradition on to my son, who currently has no trouble spending his Crispy.
Being a good receiver is something you learn with practice and sometimes a bit of guidance. Just as being a mindful giver is. The gift itself doesn’t matter that much. What’s truly powerful is the meaning it carries, the feelings it triggers, and the relationship it enhances. The money is the medium — its purpose is to deliver a message.
January 2020 | 19
THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES by Joey Leslie
I
f you want to change your life, your mind, or your relationships with your partner, your kids, fitness or food - you’ve got to tell yourself better stories. I know because I was born a storyteller. And thankfully, a creative mentor once told me “be careful the stories you tell yourself because they become your reality.” Curious and observant with a flare for the dramatic, I’ve been taking mental notes since as far back as I can remember, like the time my kindergarten teacher ripped the eraser off my pencil during a test and threw it back on my desk like a grenade. I guess she wanted to see how much we didn’t know. I’m sure my ongoing battle with test anxiety was born in that moment. See, I wanted all A’s, even at that age. I wanted that to be 20 | Good Fat Life
my story. And here was this mean, witch of a teacher with thin fingers and coffee breath trying to thwart my attempts at perfection. Clearly, she hated me and wanted to ruin my life. Were all teachers like this?! I dreaded finding out. And, easy as that, a story was starting to form in my mind. Without realizing it, I started pressuring myself to be the perfect student, because I wanted my parents to be able to tell a happy story, too. And an all-A’s report card was the only metric of success I could recognize at that time. Well, good grades and a clean room. In first grade, a story I wrote for class made it to the “Brag Board.” It was right up there in the hallway beside the work of fourth and fifth graders. I was so proud. But, for some reason, it didn’t carry the same weight in my mind as getting an A+ on a spelling test.
This became an ongoing theme throughout my life: my internal story was harsh and never matched up to the external story other people were seeing. In third grade, I wrote a letter to the editor of the local newspaper educating people about pollution chlorofluorocarbons, to be specific. My parents helped me submit it, all of us thinking it was a long shot. When it got published, my parents clipped it out and laminated it. In hindsight, it was poignant - a foreshadowing, in fact, as I went on to work as a journalist and eventually started my own company helping brands (and people) find and tell their own compelling stories. But at the time, it was barely a blip on my radar. A few weeks later, I had a meltdown during a pop quiz on multiplication tables. I knew I was bad at math (a story I’m still telling myself ) and here was another teacher trying to ruin my life (a story I’ve since learned to reframe). I went down the page writing “0” for every question as I cried tears of frustration and disappointment. I had failed. I was a failure. Fast-forwarding through my life and career, hard evidence that I was a gifted writer and storyteller paled in comparison to other metrics for success. But in hindsight, my ability to interpret the world and find beautiful
stories is and has always been, my superpower. I just didn’t realize back then that I had the right to tell myself a different story. A better one. A true one. You have that right, too. Actually, it’s an obligation. What stories do you tell yourself each day?
We constantly talk to ourselves throughout our day, often without realizing it. When on auto-pilot, a lot of that dialogue can be overly harsh, critical, and even mean. I invite you to observe yourself this week and note how you talk to you…
Are they true? Do they serve you?
How do you want to contribute to the world?
What stories would you rather be telling yourself?
How are you already contributing to it?
How do you want to see yourself?
These are the sorts of questions I use to guide my clients through the processes of creating their compelling identity. Thankfully, I realized
How do you want to be perceived by others?
along the way that, even outside of business, these are the questions we should all be asking ourselves if we want to live more meaningful lives. Through this process of self-discovery and awareness, we unlock grace for ourselves, and that is one of the greatest superpowers of them all.
•
When you’re running late for work.
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When you forget your keys.
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When you watch TV instead of going to the gym.
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When you sleep through your alarm.
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When you bring home fast food instead of making dinner.
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When you fail a test.
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When you achieve something tiny and amazing.
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When you achieve something huge and amazing.
During this process of unpacking your “selftalk,” ask yourself if you’d say the same things to a friend or even a stranger at the supermarket. If not, sit with this question: Why are you so hard on yourself? Ask yourself 10 times a day if you need to. The answers might surprise you in their simplicity. The answers are your true story. Let it unfold.
January 2020 | 21
The Benefits of Hugging by Kelly K. Ferencz
W
ho likes to give hugs? Who likes receiving hugs?
Who would rather not be touched, but if it must happen, please do it quickly?! Hugging is part of our society, most love it, but some people can do without it. Hugging is a way to say hello, and a way to say goodbye. It speaks volumes without having to say a word. If you are questioning if a hug is still socially acceptable, the answer is “YES”, and here are three reasons why it is important to incorporate an intentional daily hugging practice. 1. SCIENCE. An average hug lasts only 3 seconds, however, a hug lasting 20 seconds or more has actual health benefits. After 20 seconds of an embrace, the oxytocin levels in our body start to go up making us happy, relaxed, and content. In addition, the cortisol levels start to go down which reduces stress and our ‘fight or flight’ mode. Couples that hold hands for 10 min a day followed with a 20-30 second embrace, saw blood pressure levels drop as compared to couples who sat in silence for that same time period. Hugging calms fear. When our little ones get scared in the middle of the night, they come to mom and dad’s bed looking for a hug to make them feel safe again. Last, especially great during the winter months, hugging can improve your immune system. Still, need more? 2. CONNECTION. Hugging is a way we connect with others in our world. When we hug, our hearts are next to each other reminding us that we are not alone. Who has ever been part of a club, organization, or group that is brought together on a regular basis? How do you greet one another? Mostly hugs I bet. I work with engineers, architects, accountants, and police officers, the typical non-hugging type, but my small microcosm has created an atmosphere of hugging where they are given without judgment, and always welcome in return. My little group is known as ‘the huggers’ where people from around the organization actually seek us out for a hug. 22 | Good Fat Life
We have the non-believers still, but we won’t give up! Hugging is a reminder that humanity seeks connection, and this is a great way to feel it. 3. GIFT. Imagine being with a friend that has just learned her last attempt at conceiving a baby wasn’t successful. There are no words to comfort her in her time of hurt. But a hug can help. A hug often times acts as a gift to show that you are there for them showing that they are not alone, it’s a way to say, “I love you”. Last year I was going through a time in my personal life that was tough. I was on the phone with a friend venting. At one point in my best 3-year-old whinny voice, I told him ‘I just really needed a hug’. The next day, he called to ask if I was home and took the time to drive to my house to give me that hug. It was a gift, and probably one of the most meaningful hugs I received that year. Based on my calculations, and I am an engineer so calculations are what I do, we have a 17-second hugging gap in our society. A SEVENTEEN SECOND HUGGING GAP!!! Think of all the fights that could have been avoiding if the hugs were just a little bit longer. Think of the marriages that may have been saved had the hug lingered a little bit to show the love was still there. Think about the wars that “just maybe,” could have been avoided if little boys and girls had been hugged for 20 seconds multiple times a day rather than the quick pat on the head, all that resentment and anger may have never manifested into the hate that we see so often in society nowadays. So how can you help this national epidemic? Hug more, hug longer and hug intentionally. At a minimum, a hug should have three breaths. On the first breath, think to yourself how lucky you are to be in the company of your hug-ee as you breathe in and concentrate on giving the hug on the exhale. On the second breath in, concentrate on how blessed you are to be able to embrace this hug-ee for whatever reason brought you together and, on the exhale, concentrate on receiving the hug. On the third breath in, remind yourself that your energy is everything and as you exhale squeeze a little tighter. There, now you can see how we all can reduce the hugging gap one hug at a time.
January 2020 | 23
lighten up 2020 Transform Your Year
JANUARY
FEBRUARY
Orange Theory - Free Class Anytime First time visitors only
Heal your Life - Webinar
Exploring the higher teachings that can give the power to heal our past wounds, trauma, expand in love and experience healing like never before. Register in advance https://zoom.us/meeting/register/ vJUrceirqDIsV3LaqSSzHWpjgYuijCkc7Q Thursday, January 9, 2020 Katie Mann S-Strength Brewer Becker, 500 W. Main Street Brighton, Mi 48116 Doors Open 6:30 pm
Orange Theory - Free Class Anytime First time visitors only
Heal your Life - Webinar
Heal your Life - Webinar
Exploring the higher teachings that can give the power to heal our past wounds, trauma, expand in love and experience healing like never before.
Exploring the higher teachings that can give the power to heal our past wounds, trauma, expand in love and experience healing like never before.
Register in advance https://zoom.us/meeting/register/tJUvfyhqD8j6667MFAPlzvRGyKOwjONYA
Register in advance for this meeting: https://zoom.us/meeting/register/vp0lcuhrTkvZNg8QrBb-J4T2hMkIWrDAA
S.P.E.A.K.
S.P.E.A.K.
Declutter your Life to live in the home of your dreams
Declutter your Life to live in the home of your dreams
Feb. 19th, Heal Your Energy: Heal Your Life, 8-9pm ( Eastern Time, US and Canada)
Jan. 15th, Overcoming Anxiety, 8-9pm (Eastern Time, US and Canada)
S.P.E.A.K.
Orange Theory - Free Class Anytime First time visitors only 8491 W Grand River Ave #500 Brighton, MI 48116 Phone: (810) 360-2448
8491 W Grand River Ave #500 Brighton, MI 48116 Phone: (810) 360-2448
MARCH
Thursday, February 27, 2020 Alicia Long P-Purpose Brewer Becker, 500 W. Main Street Brighton, Mi 48116 Doors Open 6:30 pm
Karen Gill with Town & Country Realtors and Sharon McRill with The Betty Brigade have teamed up to help you declutter and find/create the home you dream of. February 23, 2019 • 1:00 - 3:00 pm Call 810.227.1111 to register
8491 W Grand River Ave #500 Brighton, MI 48116 Phone: (810) 360-2448
Mar 18th, Healing Past/Childhood Trauma, 8-9pm ( Eastern Time, US and Canada)
Thursday, March 19, 2020 Jeannie Kaiser E-Endurance Brewer Becker, 500 W. Main Street Brighton, Mi 48116 Doors Open 6:30 pm
Karen Gill with Town & Country Realtors and Sharon McRill with The Betty Brigade have teamed up to help you declutter and find/create the home you dream of. March 14, 2019 • 1:00 - 3:00 pm Call 810.227.1111 to register
S.P.E.A.K. FREE
We guide you in your healing journey from the physical to the non-physical meeting you where you are. January 15th, 8pm EST HEAL YOUR LIFE WEBINAR Exploring the Higher teachings that can the power to heal our past wounds, trauma, expand in love and experience healing like never before. Register in advance for this meeting. Ayurvedic Healing Center LLC 317 Union St., Ste B, Milford, MI 248-685-3489
24 | Good Fat Life
WORKOUT TO ORANGETHEORY!
WE HAVE A HOLISTIC APPROACH TO REAL ESTATE.
To book your FREE workout contact the studio today!
Declutter your Life to live in the home of your dreams Karen Gill with Town & Country Realtors and Sharon McRill with The Betty Brigade have teamed up to help you declutter and find/create the home you dream of.
First-time visitors to Orangetheory Fitness and local residents only. Certain restrictions apply. $28 minimum value. See studio for details. Orangetheory Brighton 8491 W Grand River Suite 500, Brighton, MI 810.360.2448 brightonmi.orangetheoryfitness.com
BRIGHTON • HOWELL FOWLERVILLE • MILFORD PINCKNEY
810.227.1111 WWW.CBTCHOMES.COM
Each storyteller will feature an intimate story around strength, purpose, endurance, authenticity, or knowing...the words of SPEAK, with the hopes of helping others find their way. Join us for food, drink, live music and courageous connection, a raw, unedited evening amongst brave, likeminded people. Call 810-227-1111 to register Brewer Becker, 500 W. Main Street, Brighton, Mi 48116
Sherri's Favorites
Me, Myself, and Why? The Secrets to Navigating Change
Identity Leadership
The Messenger
By Stedman Graham
By Robert Clancy
By Lisa Mininni Are these questions you keep asking yourself? Why do I do things a certain way? How can I become successful in an environment outside my comfort zone? How do I build a new and exciting future? Whether you are coping with a significant life event, business changes, a serious health condition, the death of someone close or are confronting that nagging urge to alter an aspect of your life, change takes know-how. The good news is that, with this book, you now have a framework to transform your life. This insightful, simple and easy-to-read book shows you: •
Why understanding your innate wiring is important to living a life you love, staying consistently motivated, and communicating with effectiveness and grace
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Thought-provoking questions to ask yourself so that you discover what’s most important to you in living an extraordinary life
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Specific ways to invent new possibilities for yourself, your life, and your business
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Breakthrough tactics to create new rewarding and life-affirming paths you should know about and integrate into your life and life’s work
To receive an autographed copy, visit www.MeMyselfandWhy.com
Episode 632: An Excerpt from the book Identity Leadership by Stedman Graham on Leading for Success. Stedman Graham has been writing books, teaching in colleges, working in communities, leading non-profits and speaking at workshops throughout the world for more than 30 years. In all that time, he has come to know one thing: leadership is everything. The needs of the 21st century cannot be met by followers. The world is changing at warp speed, and people must be able to stand on a solid platform of self-awareness, equipped with the tools required for self-leadership that allow them to adapt to the everchanging technologies, ideologies and circumstances of their lives. Before you lead others, you must first be able to lead yourself. More information is located here: stedmangraham.com
Recognized at the age of six as a spiritual teacher by destitute villagers in Jamaica, Bobby Clancy, is haunted by the feeling that something was missing, that there was more for him to discover. He embarks upon a spiritual odyssey into the realms of darkness and light and love and betrayal, where he is challenged by inner tests and shocking revelations toward a final confrontation that would deliver or destroy him. Along the way, he encounters remarkable characters as he begins to explore the nature of reality and self, which opens him up to a world of insight, inspiration, synchronicity, and compassion. A pool man who saves his life, a woman battling cancer who can run again and the kindness within a man likened to Frankenstein by the school children, to name a few. But, after several life-changing experiences, including facing his death, a neighborhood girl disfigured by a drunk driver, the loss of two close friends, and the unraveling of the relationship with his first love, Bobby spirals out of control. At nineteen, facing a crisis of faith and self-worth, and in a deep depression, an extraordinary divine encounter with an angel unfolds, giving him a new perspective of his life’s promise and potential. Through this celestial meeting, Bobby discovers his real purpose and how to share a message of hope and love with millions around the world. TheMessenger-book.com
January 2020 | 25
YOU MADE THE WRONG APPOINTMENT by Chelsea Ruth
T
he first client of the day walks into the salon flustered, plops down into the styling chair, frantically scrolling through Pinterest. Client: “I’m ready for a change. My hair is so blah.” Stylist: “Okay wonderful! Are you most interested in changing the color, the cut, or both? Do you have pictures or a particular style in mind?” Client: “No. Just change. I know I for sure don’t want bangs. I look horrible in bangs and they take me right back to sixth grade.” Stylist: “Okay. How about some layers to break up the ends?” Client: “No. I hate layers and they always make my hair do that flip-thing.”
face look fat.” Stylist: “Well…Darlin’ I’m not sure what you are wanting to change, but it doesn’t sound like it’s your hair. I believe you made the wrong appointment.” I wish I was making this scenario up or exaggerating in some way. Unfortunately, consultations go just like this one all too often. As a stylist, this conversation is slapping me in the face with red flags. First and most importantly, the self-deprecation in the consultation is heavy, sad, completely unnecessary and kills my creative thought process. Self-deprecation leaves the people around you with three choices: 1.
Join in and we all go down in a gross self-hate cycle,
2.
Try to convince you that your judgment of yourself is wrong (which you will then reject leaving me feeling rejected because giving complements is vulnerable), or
3.
Say nothing which also feels gross because it can be taken as agreement.
Stylist: “Gotcha. Then it sounds like your wanting to play with your color or take some length off.” Client: “This is literally the only color that looks good on me. Literally. I can’t take any length off because it makes my 26 | Good Fat Life
I could go on about the wastefulness of self-deprecation but that’s for another article. Secondly, this client is communicating two completely different ideas. She wants change, but anything that is change is instantly rejected. A consultation should not require me to pull out my Nancy Drew skills. Years of experience has taught me this client’s “blah” might have nothing to do with her hair. After sixteen years behind the chair, forty-plus hours a week of one-on-one conversations, and shared humanity, I have earned something like the blue-collar equivalent to a psychology degree. Often in life when we feel stuck, unhappy, powerless or broken-hearted we take it out on our hair, wardrobe, and general physical appearance. Why? I would love to conduct studies on why! However, for now, my educated guess would be because it’s something we can
If it is your hair you are actually dissatisfied with then here is what your stylist needs to best serve you:
control and see change quickly. For some people, this works great, but for people like the example client, not so much. Most people have a limited comfort zone when it comes to physical appearance so when something in life isn’t going as planned or feels out of control it might not be the best time for a major style change. On the other hand, the example client might truly be craving change but is afraid of playing around with her look. We’ve all made poor hair decisions or landed in the hands of a sniphappy-stylist leaving us with a long and painful grow out. These past hair experiences cause fear of change and that is completely fair. To that I say: find a stylist that you absolutely trust and learn to communicate well. Dear reader, let me help you get the best hair for your face and lifestyle
but first my sweet dear, hop on my helicopter and let’s take a ride. The helicopter ride is meant to help us survey the land, to get an elevated view. The helicopter has one rule no emotions aloud, emotions are big heavy things meant for the ground only. As we ascend high into the sky we get a better look at the facts about what those big ol’ emotions came to communicate rather than just the feeling of them. Emotions are great communicators and notoriously horrible decision-makers. Let them do their job and send them on their way. From the helicopter, we see your emotions are simply communicating you are dissatisfied. Thank you emotions, your job is done here! Before we descend, take a look at the facts from this gorgeous aerial view and collect that data: are you dissatisfied with your life or your looks or both? Now, with that information in hand, you can make a game plan.
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What do you absolutely love about your hair and face? Your stylist wants to accentuate your best features. The more confident you are the more attractive you become.
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What is your lifestyle? What do you need from your hair? For example, do you need your hair to be quick and simple because you workout on your lunch break? Or do you need your hair to be out of your face because you work as a chef or have children?
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What is your skill level with styling your hair, and are you willing to learn more skills to get into a new style?
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How comfortable are you with change? Does your stylist need to keep it super subtle and inch you in the direction of change?
•
Are you bringing in a picture? Great! Just know what it is that you see and like about that picture. Be able to communicate the details you see because all eyes focus on different details.
Communicating this information to your stylist can get you a more desired result from your next hair appointment. Arming your stylist with the facts will allow a lot more space for their creative process to flow. Lastly, Lovelies, play. Yes, play! At the end of the day, it’s hair, a moveable protein on your body put there to keep your head warm that’s all. So get in your bathroom, put on your fiercest jam and have fun. Flip the part, push the sides back, pull the top forward, curl it, sleek it, pin it, just move it all about while using your round brush as a microphone. Life is too short for hair to be so heavy. January 2020 | 27
TRAVEL IS A GAME CHANGER by Karen Gill
W
hen I was a little girl our family would do one trip or outing per year. Our trips included going to Cedar Point or Camping. Doing these trips to me was fun as I always met new friends. As I got older having plans in place for travel kept me motivated! Doing my daily tasks raising children, or working at my job would consume most of my time. I knew that I had a destination that was in my future and that kept me motivated. Traveling opened my eyes to different people, different customs, but always the same mission. I found out that most people want the same thing! World Peace! People want a home, a job to put food on the table and to enjoy life, it’s that simple. I look into the eyes of these strangers and only see love, I see a soul wanting what we all what and frankly deserve - dignity and pride. I feel such a connection to strangers I meet and wonder why. Am I realizing we are all connected? We are all brothers and sisters of the world. Going to different parts of the world opened me up to new experiences, ones that I would have never had by watching a documentary 28 | Good Fat Life
on tv. Being there in that moment is something you can’t capture on your smartphone or do a selfie with. The feeling inside you is indescribable, the ah-ha moments are plentiful. My trip to Tanzania Africa was a game-changer for me. Seeing the people search for water, take a bucket, and try to scoop dirty groundwater into it was disheartening. I’ve taken some long showers in my day, and can’t imagine what life would be like without all the conveniences we enjoy on a daily bases. Africa made me appreciate what I have, appreciate typical conveniences. The people are so happy and eager to meet travelers, always a huge smile on their face. I wondered, how can they be happy living like this? Then it hit me, maybe they don’t want to live like we do, maybe to take them out of what they know, would be devastating to say the least. I traveled to Chile to spend time with my exchange son and his family. We enjoyed learning about their lifestyle and the foods they ate. I asked them “what is your opinion of people from the US”? Their answer was upsetting to me. The people think we are
lazy and don’t work much, from what they’ve seen on tv? My exchange son Mati said, “they work all the time just the opposite”. I was shocked at how people from other countries viewed Americans. After getting to know everyone, we talked about our world views and again they wanted what we all want, world peace! They want food on the table, a roof over their heads and to enjoy their family. No one ever said they want to live in a mansion or own a yacht? It’s always the same! This past February I had the opportunity to visit India with an amazing group of like-minded people. When the email came my heart sunk, I knew I had to go! Something inside me said Karen you’re going to India one way or the other. I signed my husband and myself up and sent the deposit! I heard all the reviews from people who never went there, its dirty, too many people, the foods not good, you name it! Well, I loved it!!! The first thing to remember when traveling never listen to a review of someone who is negative in nature and has never been there! We had a gem for a guide, Ajay, a master at his art. He
told us the history of the Taj Mahal and many other temples and buildings. The one common thread in India is spirituality, everything is done from the right place. You are greeted with Namaste with hands in prayer position or across the chest. The food is amazing, the country is beautiful, and yes there are dirty parts, but it doesn’t take away from the glory of India as a whole. India is a feeling that stays with you long after you have left. The impression for me has been a huge one. Ajay shared Indian insight which is this,” yesterday is gone, you can’t go back, and tomorrow is not guaranteed, but we have a today, so be in the moment, if your soul says to do something do it if it says don’t do something don’t do it.” So simple! Our job is to be happy, stay in peace, don’t let anything knock us out of our happy place. That’s our job in this life, so simple? Staying home is cozy for a night or two, but experiencing the world is a game-changer for our soul!
January 2020 | 29
THE HIGH COST OF FAST FASHION by Jim Gilligan
I
understand the lure of purchasing clothing that is style-ofthe-moment and wallet-pleasing fast fashion items. But I hope you don’t buy any fast fashion until you consider its true cost.
30 | Good Fat Life
Fast fashion is like fast food: tasty and cheap, it satisfies quickly, but the long-term effect of its consumption can prove deadly. What is fast fashion?
The cycle of fast fashion takes the two traditional retail seasons of the year - fall/winter and spring/ summer - to 52 “micro-seasons,” courtesy of fashion sellers who specialize in pieces manufactured by low-wage labor in third-world countries using mostly synthetic materials. Fast fashion is so cheap and so highly marketed that it sells quickly, and then, just as quickly, goes out of fashion and/or falls apart, just in time for the next season.
If each of us pledged to do five things, we could break the destructive cycle of fast fashion. •
Buy Less and Better. Pop quiz: Which is better? Buying one $75 shirt that will last you several years, or three $25 shirts that will hopefully get you through a single season? Consider paying extra for a more timelessly styled, higher-quality garment that will last years rather than a single fast-season. You’ll get more wear out of that $75 shirt while enjoying the benefit of having better, less toxic materials next to your skin, as well as the knowledge that you’re not contributing to those 92 million tons of textile waste each year.
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Shop Smarter. How often will you wear that item you think you can’t live without? If it’s something you’ll wear often, go ahead and purchase it. But if it’s something you’re wanting for a single occasion, you might want to reconsider the purchase (unless you’re looking to get married in it!). Consider, too, the value of buying vintage and used clothing at resale boutiques, where bargains on high-quality items are waiting.
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Wash Less and Smarter. You certainly don’t want to attract attention for wearing clothing that is soiled or smelly. But you’ll help your pocketbook, and the planet if you don’t wash clothing simply because you’ve worn it once. From the wear-and-tear on the garment to the amount of water and detergent you use, washing only when it’s absolutely necessary makes good sense. You might want to also consider skipping the dryer whenever you can and use a clothesline or drying rack instead.
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Find a Green Dry Cleaner. Traditional dry cleaners use PERC — which is short for perchloroethylene, a chlorinated hydrocarbon classified by the EPA as a Toxic Air Contaminant. The use of PERC is highly regulated because its indiscriminate disposal can seriously contaminate soil and groundwater, and exposure can irritate eyes, nose, and throat, as well as cause headaches, dizziness or fatigue. PERC is also classified by the EPA as a likely carcinogen. Green dry cleaners, like Snedicor’s, use GreenEarth, a silicone considered safe for air, water, and soil. It’s considered so safe that the EPA doesn’t regulate it.
•
Take Care of Your Clothes. In addition to gentle home and green dry cleaning when necessary, learn to store your clothes properly. Invest in good hangers that will keep your clothes looking fresh. You’ll find some good clothing-storage tips here.
It creates an endless loop of wear-and-waste. But hey, since these items of clothing are so cheap, why worry, right? I’ll tell you why we all need to worry; Each year, the average American throws away an estimated 80 pounds of clothing and other textiles. Our attraction to highly marketed and cheaply made fashion is creating an environmental crisis. Because of the use of synthetic materials, it’s estimated that 85 percent of the textile waste in U.S. landfills won’t decay. That 80 pounds of clothing the average American throws away adds up to over 11 million tons of that could be (and I maintain, should be) recycled. According to the EPA, textiles make up 7.6 percent of all municipal solid waste landfilled in the United States. On top of that, the synthetic materials in fast fashion contain chemical additives like benzothiazole. According to a study by The National Center for Biotechnology Information, “benzothiazole can be released from textile materials, penetrate through the skin, and further enter the human body. This will possibly also apply to other chemical contaminants in textiles, and the results of this study indicate that the presence of these textile contaminants entails potential health risks.” These health risks include endocrine disruption. If that’s not enough to convince you how bad, fast fashion can be for you and the environment, consider the human cost, which was brought into sharp focus by the collapse of the Dhaka garment factory in Bangladesh in 2013. The death toll of what is considered to be the deadliest garment factory disaster in history was pegged at 1,134. Fast fashion workers, most of whom are impoverished women toil in exploitive conditions for little pay so clothing manufacturers in Europe and the U.S. can keep their costs low.
Learn to refresh and repair clothing when it’s needed. And if you can’t thread a needle or sew on patches, find someone who can do it for you.
January 2020 | 31
CUPS OF 0 5 COFFEE by Bobby Audley
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hen you think about it, and I mean really think about it, relationships are everything.
Every person in the room felt Harry’s energy. His presence was so looming, it felt like he was right next to me even though I was sitting in the back. His eyes fixed and assessing each individual as they took a seat. He spoke with candor and greatness, this moment was earned. “You all are a success. Regardless of what you have already done or what you will do from this day on. You are a success by the mere fact that you are in these seats. You have made it to the National Football League.” He weighed his words on purpose. He let it sink in. Everyone in the room was silent as they felt the anticipation, excitement, and reality of the moment; but I was just watching, like a kid in a candy store as Harry owned the room. Harry Swayne was the Director of Player Development for the Baltimore Ravens, and every one of his 4 super bowl rings are represented by his character and demeanor, this man exudes leadership and professionalism, and he was kicking off orientation for about 20 incoming players and me, watching, invited to sit and engage and listen. ME! I would wager that you can think of at least 10 opportunities that have come your way
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in the last year, not by divine intervention, but by the power of connection. When you think about it, and I mean really think about it, relationships are everything. Throughout your life, you have had opportunities and partnerships, you have received empathy and understanding, you created memories and learning all through the people you know, have known and are getting to know. All of us, everyone, are who we are by the shoulders of others on which we stand. Relationships are everything, and all of them start with a simple connection, a moment of happenstance, an event that allows us to invite another person on our journey; for me, that event is a commitment I made in 2014, and have honored annually: Have a cup of coffee with 50 different people over the next 12 months; I dubbed it…get ready, the simplicity of this may be overwhelming …The 50 Cups of Coffee Challenge! It is a challenge to have a real conversation with 50 people this year. It is me deciding to re-prioritize the thing that makes us all better: connection. We are tribal beings! We desire and yearn for connection, relationships, and the feeling of being present and significant with another human being, and these are needs that are being met less and less as we perpetuate busy- I am too busy
to connect with people, scarcity – there is not enough of me to add another commitment to my table, and of course, efficiency – what’s in it for me. When we engage with people through the eyes of busy, scarcity and efficiency, all the world is another networking group, as opposed to genuine, invested, present connection. I sat with Harry for a cup of coffee. The 15 minutes he originally made available for me turned to 90. Those 90 minutes created space for “We should do this again,” which has further evolved into a monthly hello and flourishing mentorship opportunity. This towering figure in the front of the room for the Baltimore Ravens player orientation is one of the warmest, most candid, good energy people I have met, and I am grateful. I am grateful for his time, energy, experience and our shared cup of joe which has led to a shared path in life.
Introduce the goal: Let them know why you wish to connect and how you know them. With Harry, I asked a friend who knew him to make the introduction via email. In my email reply, I shared, “I challenge myself to have 50 cups of coffee each year to grow as a professional speaker and trainer. Would you be open to a 15-minute conversation about the work you do with the Ravens? Yves said we would benefit from connecting.” What do I talk about? 1. Tell me your life story. A great starter question is simply, “What is your story? Tell me about your journey and the factors that have played a role in who you are.” And allow people to share without interruption. Give people the space to be heard, to lose themselves in their journey. It is amazing what we can learn about ourselves from someone else’s story.
The shortest distance between two people is often a story. If you manage a team at work, add these folks to your list. Take time to sit down with each member of your team and simply say, “Tell me your life story. Tell me about fillers and drains. Tell me about your goals, hopes, and dreams.” And share yours! Be vulnerable, open and honest with your people. Add your friends and family to your list. If you are new to your community, reach out to 50 mover-shakers, small business owners, volunteers, club runners, or people you admire that seem to be invested and involved. If you are seasoned in your community, find 50 up and coming stars, people who are spinning their wheels and just need that investment of time. Wherever you are, start! You have 50 people waiting for someone to share time and space. As we approach 2020, I challenge you to make 50 Cups all your own!
Start!! Identify your list: 1. Mentees – People who would like to be where you are. Younger professionals at work, younger siblings, your kids, etc. People who you can serve and add tremendous value to. 2. Mentors – People who are at a place in life where you would like to be. Personally and professionally. People who you can learn from. 3. Meant to Hang With (Peers) – Friends and family members who are at the same stage in life as you. Good energy people who fill your bucket when you connect with them. Good people to bounce ideas off of. To vent to. To celebrate with. Good energy people!
2. Fillers and drains. This has been called an energy tank, an emotional bank account, ‘bucket’…use any term…the bottom line is that we all experience things that fill our energy bucket, recharge us, help us feel invested and in state. We also experience things that drain us, demotivate us and take away our personal sense of power/self. Knowing what fills and drains the people around you can be a powerful way to take your relationship to a deeper and more powerful level. 3. Goals, hopes, and dreams. Ask, “What makes you come alive? What’s you why? What gets you up in the morning and keeps you awake at night? What are your personal goals, professional goals, growth goals, bucket-list goals?” Can you think of a more powerful way to help your network?! I cannot. Know the hopes and dreams of those you connect with and care about.
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apPARENTly by Jonas Preest
Take muons, and gluons, electrons, and quarks, With matter, and energy, (standard, not dark), Then atoms, which follow impossible rules, Will bond with each other to form molecules, That stack by the billions of trillions to cause, Everything governed by physical laws. And for all of the stuff that our science can’t see, Like love, and the self, as expressed, in the me, Or the existence and placement of each creature’s soul, Those intangible things, which make each being whole, We prepare explanations, delivered in preachings, Philosophies, magic, and spiritual teachings, Which give us beliefs that may comfort and guide, But should not replace knowledge, these are thoughts on the side, At best, they can steer us, and help us make choices, And give us direction, and temper our voices, And urge us to love every creature we meet, But employed to control, as they are, with deceit, Beliefs become toxic, and tangled with fear, And suspicions, and judgements begin to appear, Which distort, and dilute, and dissolve, and destroy, Everything good, and all of our joy… We are bugs in a bubble, infesting a speck Expressing opinions, inflicting neglect Regretting we didn’t take more of our lives, To stop and smell flowers, or kiss on our wives, Or hike in the mountains and dance in the street, A lot of the stuff we can choose is quite neat, But a lot of the stuff that we choose is not great, If you look at the anger we find, or the hate, Or the feelings we feel that make no sense at all, And cause us to want to retreat with our ball, From a place that’s all sunny, for sharing our toys, To a place where we separate girls from boys, And good kids from bad, and rich kids from poor, We define and divide like never before… From the depth of our heart, to the top of our brain, We strive to be happy, try not to complain, We like to be liked by our friends and our peers, We plan to take chances, and cope with our fears, We need to be people, who share the same Earth, Perhaps we should measure a government’s worth, By its whole contribution to the lives that we live, If they don’t make things better, then why should we give,
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Attention and money and newspaper space, To the people who threaten the whole human race? With their lies, and their greed, and the judgments they make, Giving them power might be a mistake, When we wake in the morning, and we’re still breathing air, And there’s water to drink, and food everywhere, We should think to protect, the planet we’re on, Since there’s no place to run to, if something goes wrong. As a parent of children, and a resident here, I’d like to make one thing abundantly clear, There may be a much better planet than this, But I can think of a number of things that I’d miss, If we suddenly had to move out into space, I think I might miss the whole human race, But I know that I’d miss all the bright sandy beaches, And the trees, and the rivers, and star bellied sneetches, And I bet that we’d all miss the Sun and the sky, And collective regret for our mass suicide, Will cause us to wish we’d worked harder to fix it Just ask yourself this: When it’s gone, will you miss it? Because it isn’t gone yet, so if we start now We might have a chance to save it somehow, We might have a chance to make it all better To adapt to the changes in climate, and weather, And mitigate much of the worst that’s to come, If we’re willing to work, there’s a lot to be done! With the lessons we’re learning, our path becomes straighter, Uniquely adapted for the role of curator, We’re equipped to assess, and assist, and protect, Much more than a bug has a cause to expect. If we’re looking to see, and we listen to hear, And we think with our thinking parts, (not with our rears), And perhaps we believe, but we focus on truth, Related to facts as revealed through proof, We can apply what we learn, to the care of the Earth, To connect, and collectively honor her worth, By consciously making, and keeping, her clean, So the oceans stay blue, and the forests stay green, And the oxygen levels our efforts protect, with the water that we can restore and preserve, Will sustain all the children, and all of their pets, and give them the lives that we know they deserve. To hear an audio version please visit goodfatlife.com
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Welcome to 2020!! “And now we welcome the new year, full of things that have never been.� - Rainer Maria Rilke