Are you afraid of anything? Oh my God, how much time do you have? I live in almost constant terror. Here’s a tiny portion of the list: cancer, vaginas, giant cockroaches, Kathy Lee Gifford’s latest Christmas album, burning to death, tornados, gristle, children, choking on a small toy, the pope’s unwanted advances, matted clogs of hair, root rot, Deborah Sussman’s eyelash extensions, Republicans, and Sucralose. And the idea that Pat Robertson is not yet dead. What makes you laugh? This blind man walks into an expensive antique china shop on Madison Avenue with his huge German shepherd seeing-eye dog. No sooner does the shop clerk ask, “May I help you, sir?” than the man grips the dog’s handle with both hands, braces himself, and with a great heave hauls the massive beast off the ground in a single yank, and spins him around and around. The clerk cowers in fear. Having worked up tremendous momentum, the man finally lets the dog go and sends the terrified animal flying across the room, landing with a thunderous crash against an entire wall of priceless Ming vases, which explode into a million pieces. Then the man says, “No thanks, I’m just looking.” How content are you with your life? It’s not that simple.
I’d say that there are aspects of my life I’m very content with, and yet I’ll always be consumed with an intense yearning, and I think that’s necessary—total contentment can be a dangerous thing for a creative person. Do you regret anything? I regret not making the effort to meet Charles Schulz in his lifetime. I tried to make up for it by
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8/20/07 12:32:53 PM