The Six Other Verses of the Alma Mater that You Didn’t Know About By: Will Buffaloe ‘21 Contributor The Alma Mater. One of the most well-known tunes in the DMV, and quite possibly the country. For nearly 200 years, the Alma Mater has been the fight song of Gonzaga, leading generation after generation of students “ever on to victory.” As I was flipping through the handbook the other day
(as all Gonzaga scholars do), I happened across the Alma Mater, and decided I’d give it a quick read. However, something at the bottom of the page caught my eye. What I read next would forever change the world as I knew it. It was the second verse. All my life, I had been living a lie. There are two verses to the Alma Mater. This revelation was hard
Verse #1: Traditional Hail, Hail, Alma Mater! Sing her praises loudly, Echo ever proudly For the Purple and the White Far-famed may her glory be, Staunch her sons in their loyalty, Marching ever on to victory, Gonzaga — Hail!
Verse #2: Underrated Hail, Hail, Alma Mater May her triumph be our glory Truth’s own endless story, The Purple and the White! March on through the centuries, Crowned with honor’s brightest victories Reaching ever on unto eternity, Gonzaga — Hail!
Verse #3: PTs Hail, Hail, PT Master Your power’s all around me I feel profoundly To use ICs when I write! I love DC, IC Always use an xiRC If you can’t master all the PTs You’ll be expelled!
Verse #4: 20-Year Losing Streak Fail, Fail, Alma Mater! Sing her woes softly Our losses have been costly We’ve lost all of our drive Please end our losing streak Free us from our misery Just give us a single victory Gonzaga – Fail!
to cope with for the first week. I tried zooming my teachers about it, but all of them played coy as to why the second verse was never mentioned. Then, on the 7th day, a realization came over me. If there is a secret second verse of the Alma Mater, could there not also be a third, a fourth, a fifth? Within the hour I was pouring over handbook after handbook,
email after email, Aquillian after Aquillian, desperate to find more verses to such a legendary song. I had almost given up, when I found my books from Freshmen year lying under my desk. I nervously blew the dust off my old books, hoping for an answer, even a hint, about the third verse. And there, sitting casually on the back page of my PT textbook, was
the third verse. This was only the tip of the iceberg. Within the next few days, I had done over 16 hours of comprehensive research on the Alma Mater. When I was finally finished, I had done the unimaginable. I had uncovered all 8 verses of the Alma Mater.
Verse #5: Comeback of 1947 Hail, Hail, Alma Mater! The best in the country, We all act so humbly Purely out of spite! We’ll crush our enemies! Ignore all the referees We’re high on our victory Gonzaga – Hail!
Verse #6: Cold War Paranoia Hail, Hail, Atom Bomber! Your power is so mighty! We’re not putting it lightly, We are scared for our lives! No one’s safe in society! Lives are plagued with anxiety! What is the price of victory? Détente has failed!
Verse #7: This One’s Just Movie Quotes Get to the Chopper! (The Predator) You think this is funny? (Joker) Show me the money, (Jerry Maguire) Borat says “My Wife!” (Borat) Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars: A New Hope) Leave the gun, take the cannoli (The Godfather) They call it a Royale with Cheese (Pulp Fiction) We Shall Prevail (The King’s Speech)
Verse #8: ??? Apparently, this verse was inscribed in the basement of the original Gonzaga (now a restaurant in Chinatown.) Curiously, a carbon dating of the message shows it to be over 2000 years old, which would make it older than not only Gonzaga, but the United States. Plus, the message was written in Aramaic, so I had to get Father O’Connor to translate it for me, seeing as only a few people in the world can still speak the language Hail, Hail, Alma Mater! Mankind truly pleads with thee Save us from eternity And the reckoning of time Angel of Totality Replenish our morality Commence the rebirth of humanity Gonzaga – Hail!
