Innocence
Linda Deex
A rediscovered old photograph evokes a potent memory...
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Issue 16
December 2009
it was so important at the time. Looking at the photo, feelings flood back, the hurt, the loss I felt when you were suddenly wrenched away from me, it was probably not long after the photo was taken. I can remember what day that was and what month. It was after a long summer. Our meetings were few, just three a week at a local youth club and a Sunday afternoon bus ride to meet you. That was when the photo was taken, on a Sunday, we always went walking because we had no money, I remember you felt bad about that, you said you would put it right and get me something nice. I wish you hadn’t be-
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cause then you wouldn’t have gone away. The last time I saw you, you were standing in the court, you didn’t realise I was there until you suddenly looked up; you stared at me then broke down and cried. I only had the memory of your face in the photo, happy and smiling. I never saw you again, you were gone too long but not from my memory. The months after you were taken away I imagined I could catch the smell of you; perhaps it was on that green coat. I kept it for a long time. You broke my heart. You didn’t mean to, so I forgive you for that.
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he photo fell out of the battered box where it had lain for years. Two young people stared back. I was very young, still a child really, at that time. After that photo was taken I became a naive young girl with a broken heart. I sat on that style with you, me wearing that ridiculous green coat, I think it was green, the photo was black and white, yes it was green with box pleats and a scarf that kept getting in the way. You wore a suit with a V-neck jumper. You smiled out of the photo with your beautiful startling blue eyes, you seemed happy to be there. I looked miserable but I don’t know why, I wish I did, I have been racking my brains to remember but this part of the memory has faded. I’m sure we hadn’t had a row, we never did. I can’t tell what time of year it was, there was grass surrounding the style, it could have been frosty earlier in the day, or there could have been spring flowers hidden in the grass. Our friendship crossed the seasons so it could have been either. I wish I could remember the date,
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