Sheena Patel: Shadow Play

“l’m massively romantic,” I meet Sheena Patel at WA, a Japanese Patisserie in Covent Garden. Bright white counters line the side of the room and light piano music plays in the background as we sit by the window and people watch. “I’m not seeing anyone at the moment and it’s been a long time so I have all of this feeling that I want to get out. I love it. Romance in the sense of being Romantic with a capital R feels quite artistic and old world. So, it’s quite nice to think of myself as romantic.”

Contrast Sheena’s own feelings with her debut novel ‘I’m A Fan,’ which follows an unnamed narrator who develops an unhealthy obsession with an unnamed love interest. She cheats on her boyfriend with this man who is a figure of authority, selfish lover and dickhead. “I watched the insurrection and was really disturbed by it,” Sheena tells me, “so I wrote about how governments are the same as an emotionally unavailable boyfriend. That idea of telling a bigger story through one person.”

The man our narrator is obsessed with does not represent what the character wants in a relationship, rather, he is a representation of what he can give her access to. He is the key to unlock doors in a world which would otherwise slam them shut. “It’s almost brutal turning someone into a symbol, it’s almost as brutal as how he behaves to her. To turn someone into an access point, like, I want you for what you can give me.”

The narrator's obsession becomes incredibly unhealthy, leading to her renting dogs to get closer with his friends, sending letters to his Mums house and forever stalking one of his other love interests on social media. That obsession manifests as disdain and anger, not only to the man but the world around her. Men and women alike.

The narrator is someone who doesn’t give a fuck but at the same time gives way too many fucks. A lot of people paint her as unlikeable, but I disagree. She’s incredibly human. Some actions are odd and the way she treats certain people is outright nasty, but we have all been blinded by something we want in the past and I think the way Sheena portrays the narrator is one of the most honest telling’s of uncompromising desire in modern literature.

“I really enjoyed spending time with her,” she tells me, “She’s different to me, and that kind of gets people mixed up. It was supposed to be like shadow work, you know? The shadowed parts of the internet, the shadows of ourselves, the shadows that shape the page. I enjoy her, she’s difficult but I enjoyed writing it.”

Considering the book is relatively short, there’s a lot to unpack and it’s hardly been touched upon above. The structure is almost poetic, with blank space used to various effect and words hanging from the page. It discusses the likes of art, money and accessibility in the creative world. Sheena inhabits those shadowed aspects of us and the world and shines a light on them. It’s creative, fun, disturbing, and all things in between.

I’m A Fan.

I’m A Fan is out now, via Rough Trade Books