Index
A
accountability for anger, 141–42 speech patterns that mask, 49–52 see also responsibility action language, positive, 69 action requests, 67 advice vs. empathy, 92–93, 97–98 age role as behavior excuse, 20 aggression, in response to blame and judgment, 148 see also judgments; violence Amtssprache, 19, 140 analyses of others, as expression of values and needs, 16, 52–54, 153, 174 see also judgments anger and blame, 50, 141–43, 174–75 four steps to expressing, 148 NVC in Action dialogue, 154–59 stimulus vs. cause, 141–43, 145–48 unfulfilled needs at core of, 144–45 appreciation, 75, 185–92 approval, as motivator, 138 Arendt, Hannah, 19 Assailey, Nafez, 188–89 attention, focusing on NVC components, 3–4, 6
B
Babble-on-ians, 121–22
“bad"/“good" labels, 17–18, 23, 130, 132 Bebermeyer, Ruth (songs), xviii, 5, 27–28, 67 Becker, Ernest, 172 behavior excuses, 19–20 beliefs as basis of value judgments, 17 about ethnic and racial groups, 143–46 about gender roles, 55–57 Bernanos, George, 21–22 blame anger as, 50, 141–43, 174–75 as punishment, 163 as response to negative messages, 94 self-, 49–50, 130–31 see also negative messages boring conversations, 121–23 Bryson, Kelly, 121–22 Buber, Martin, 91–92, 175–76 Buechner, Frederick, 25
C
Campbell, Joseph, 100 cause vs. stimulus of feelings, 49, 141–43, 145–48 Chardin, Teilhard de, 170 choices, 19–21, 130–31, 136–40 Chuang-Tzu, 91 clinical language vs. NVC, 175–79 “cognitively arrested alternatives", 172 comparisons as judgment, 19
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201 •