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EMOTIONAL ABUS MOTIONAL ABUSE The other side of the story; the aftermath, & the steps to recovery. WORDS BY: RACHEL JEFFERIES DESIGN BY: KATIE HUXTABLE
TRIGGER WARNING: This article may contain sensitive content. The repercussions of experiencing emotional abuse isn’t like ripping off a plaster once a wound has healed. Your body doesn’t just fight the pain and it disappears. Often we’re told how to recognise signs of domestic abuse and how to seek help, but we’re not advised how to recover. We’re given the ladder to get out the ditch, but there’s no one to guide us up the steps. You hear about it, you read about it, but you never think it’ll happen to you. Well, I didn’t think so, at least. I had read about it in books, I had seen it on adverts, I even recognised the controlling power in Anastasia and Christopher’s relationship in 50 Shades of Grey for God’s sake. He determined what she could do, where was appropriate for her to go, who she could see, who she could talk to, whether she could go on nights out. I knew this was controlling behaviour, but I couldn’t recognise it in my own relationship. Well unfortunately, that, my friend, is manipulation. You’re blindfolded so tightly; you can’t see it happening in front of you. Hello, my name’s Rachel and I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. There we go, I said it. I’ve just stripped myself
bare to you and I can’t undo it. I’ve opened a door of my personal life, so you may as well come in, sit yourself down and get comfortable. I could embellish that first sentence with rainbows of excuses and blossoms of doubt – “it’s fine, I didn’t want to go out with my friends anyway, it saved me an argument”, or “maybe I’m just being dramatic, it wasn’t physical abuse” – no, it wasn’t physical, but it still as sure hell still hurt. Instead of dressing my wounds with a bandage, I had to dress my face with a smile and pretend I was okay. So when you strip everything back, the reality you will see is still that ugly first sentence I still regrettably had to type. And that was the first step that I struggled to embrace. Denial. COMING OUT FROM THE OTHER SIDE Step 1: Denial Denial and stubbornness are best friends. And I’ll tell you something else, they’re little shits too. Denial will carefully wrap the blindfold over your eyes, and stubbornness will tighten the knot. And when you begin clock that something
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