gairrhydd 49
FIVE MINUTE FUN
FEBRUARY.05.2007 FUNMINUTEFUN@gairrhydd.COM
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Curtain Twitching
My favourite present this crimbo was a pair of super strength binoculars from a deranged old uncle, who has clearly spent too much time glued to Springwatch, and is convinced I’m the next Bill Oddie (note to self; investigate birdwatching graduate schemes). Combined with a lip reading manual received from my pet goat, Five Minute Fun has been able to spend revision time dropping in on other people’s chin wagging.
From Number 34 Tall guy: Alright mate. Mostly naked guy: Alright. Tall guy: Is that a third nipple? Mostly naked guy: Its one of those edible ones. Tall guy: Bollocks. Eat it then. Mostly naked guy: No! Tall guy: Its real isn’t it. Mostly naked guy: I’m telling you it’s edible. Tall guy: What, and it tastes like chicken? Mostly naked guy: Alright, alright, its real. I got it for Christmas. Tall guy: What the f**k? Mostly naked guy: This guy I met in Thailand had one. Said it was great for pulling. Tall Guy: And you think its going to work in Come Play? You really are a t**t.
the hall of shame 6 6 6 7 6 7 6 7 8 7 0 R E B M NEW TEXT NU
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Lipread from number 47 Blond girl: Liz still hasn’t done the washing up. Spotty Housemate: Have you noticed she’s been smell of garlic recently Blond Girl: I though it was more of a ginger aroma. Spotty Housemate: Nah. Its definiatly garlic. Blond girl: Oh. She still needs to do the washing up. Spotty Housemate: Smelly bitch.
CROSSWORD 2
We asked 100 people what they were planning to do this year before being struck down by severe genital warts and it’s too late. From this list guess which are the top three resolutions that people made...
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HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Close your eyes. Count to ten. Now open them and hope the magic rats have done it for you because you’ll never succeed. HA HA HA!
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survey says...
1. Loose weight 2. Eat more pineapple 3. Clean underwear more often 4. Start a cult 5. Spend less time on Facebook 6. Keep back/gooch hair under control 7. Quit nicotine/crack addiction 8. Ride a tricycle 9. Find courage to jump off the high board 10. Take up golf 11. Learn to fart on demand 12. Start life changing quest to save the princess. 13. Identify princess in need of saving (Diana?) Answers. 9, 5, 1.
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Family Fortunes
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Store it, do stuff, text us a photo
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ACROSS 1 Army Unit (6,4) 7 Unspecified person (7) 8 Blockade (5) 10 In arrears (3) 12 Hesitate (6) 13 Measure the condition (5) 14 Detest (4) 15 Short haircut (4) 16 Stunt, hoax (5) 17 Noon (6) 18 Exhaust (3) 20 Native American’s tent (5) 22 Haulage cable (7) 23 Norwegian explorer (4, 3, 3)
DOWN 1 Ancient Celtic priest (5) 2 Practical judgement (5) 3 Speed contest (4) 4 Trick (4) 5 Fictional detective, - - - Holmes (8) 6 American state (9) 9 Bad-tempered (6) 11 Like- minded(9) 12 Lady (6) 13 French police officer (8) 18 Chop off (5) 19 Haughty (5) 20 Tough timber (4) 21 Course (4)
Hart’s Art
New year new talents? My arse. You still draw like a 3 week old penguin. Let Art Attack’s infamous frontman show you the way. Exhibit no. 67 - It’s January people. Christmas is over
Apologies Five Minute Fun would like to apologise to anyone who was offeneded by last edition’s article concerning Jews at Christmas. FMF has some Jewish roots and after years of endless questions along the lines of ‘So what do you actually do for Christmas?’ decided to inform people in a tounge in cheek manner.