Television
GRiP
24
gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com
Friday 15 November BBC 1
BBC 2
ITV 1
6.00 Breakfast: Children in Need 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Housecall 11.00 Big Strong Boys 11.30 Cash in the Attic 12.00 Trading Up 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 News 1.30 Regional News 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Quincy 3.25 Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.15 The Basil Brush Show 4.45 Rugrats 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Children in Need 2002 Including music from Will Young, and performances from H and Claire and 3SL. I thought this was meant to help children. 10.00 News 10.30 Regional News 10.40 Children in Need 2002 The fundraising continues with the cast of EastEnders paying tribute to Michael Jackson's Thriller. Oh dear God. It may be for charity, but there is no excuse at all for this barrage of unutterably common banality. Surely the aim is to improve society, not to drag it down? 2.05 FILM: Up the Front Fnarr just for the title! 3.30 Joins BBC News 24 And for over six hours of inordinately enthusiastic, gormlessly grinning crap we’ve been denied any quality television on this channel tonight. Bah.
6.00 Open University: Asteroid Hunters 6.30 Management in Chinese Cultures 7.00 CBBC 9.00 CBeebies 1.15 FILM: MacArthur 3.20 News 3.25 Regional News 3.30 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Robot Wars: The Sixth Wars 7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 Hidden Gardens 8.30 Gardeners' World 9.00 Great Britons: Newton 10.00 Queen's Speech Broadcast by Plaid Cymru - The Party of Wales 10.05 The Likely Lads 10.30 Newsnight 11.00 Newsnight Review Fresh off the exciting Guardian Student Media Conference, TV Desk can now officially declare Alastair Campbell its New Crush. The man is a sex god, especially when moody. *swoon* Perfectly-formed torso, lustrous mane of hair... 11.35 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Liberal Democrats 11.40 Later with Jools Holland Guests include Craig David, the Streets and Richard Ashcroft. Respectively: supremely irritating r’n’b-lite, superb urban garage poetry, mad and pointless stoner type. 12.40 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 1.20 FILM: The Cool and the Crazy 3.00 BBC Learning Zone
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 News 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 Everything Must Go 2.30 News 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Hilltop Hospital 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Art Attack 4.05 As Told by Ginger 4.35 Sabrina, the Teenage Witch 5.05 Popstars: The Rivals Extra 5.30 Nuts and Bolts 6.00 HTV News 6.25 Queen's Speech Broadcast by the Liberal Democrats 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale Edna continues her crusade against the wheelie bins. Good to see surrealism is alive and well. 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Britain's Most Popular Diet 8.25 Celebrity Fit Club After Rik Waller's return, tension builds between him and trainer, Harvey. Aaargh, bad images, bad images... 8.55 FILM: Executive Decision Anti-terrorist American jingoism. Needless to say, crap. 11.15 News 11.45 The Pop Factory 12.15 Harry Hill's TV Burp 12.45 Diala-Date 1.15 FILM: Kickboxer III: The Art of War 2.55 Entertainment Now! 3.20 Today with Des and Mel 4.15 World Football 4.40 Britain's Most Popular Diet 5.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News Big up this week to Michel Houellebecq and Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
BBC 1
BBC 2
6.00 CBBC 9.00 The Saturday Show 12.00 News 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Grandstand 1.10 World Triathlon 1.50 Rugby Union: Scotland v South Africa Go Scotland! 4.40 Wales on Saturday 5.25 Rugby Union: England v Australia 6.20 News 6.35 Wales Today 6.45 Only Fools and Horses 7.35 The National Lottery: Jet Set 8.10 Casualty 9.00 The Robbie Williams Show 10.00 News 10.20 Parkinson Michael Parkinson talks to Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry and jazz and soul singer Natalie Cole. Ooh, none are too bad this week, Berry histrionics notwithstanding. 11.25 Best of British A celebration of the career of Roger Moore. Which consisted mostly of being a 78th-rate Sean Connery. 12.10 Match of the Day 1.10 FILM: Damnation Alley 2.45 Top of the Pops 3.15 Joins BBC News 24 On TV Desk’s shitlist this week: Venus and Serena Williams, who are endorsing McDonald’s and appearing in their adverts. Because that’s a consistent message: “Hey, kids, become like two of the greatest athletes on the planet by stuffing yourself with junk food!”
6.00 Weekend 24 9.00 News 9.10 HARDtalk 10.00 Saturday Kitchen 11.30 Kitchen Invaders 12.00 See Hear on Saturday 12.45 The Sky at Night 1.05 Afoot Again in the Past 1.15 Around the World in 80 Days 2.05 Challenge: Meetings with Remarkable Trees Presumably presented by Prince Charles. 2.15 Flog It! 3.15 Ice Age Survivors 3.25 Ironside 4.15 Scrum V Live 6.30 What the Papers Say Miranda Sawyer of the Observer reviews this week's news. Ah, that woman is gorgeous. 6.40 Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em Truly dreadful ‘comedy’. 7.10 Durham Cathedral: Britain's Best Buildings 8.00 A History of Britain by Simon Schama: Forces of Nature 9.00 Fame, Set and Match 10.00 The Entertainers 10.55 FILM: Dog Day Afternoon 12.55 FILM: Repulsion Atmospheric chiller about a young manicurist, whose sexual neuroses trigger a withdrawal into a nightmarish world of hallucinations when she is left alone in a Paris flat. As she is overcome by her fears, she loses all sense of reality, lashing out at her unfortunate visitors. Sounds amazing. 3.00 BBC Learning Zone
Parkinson BBC1 10.20pm
MTV Europe Music Awards S4C 11.45pm
S4C
five
6.05 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant 1.00 Channel 4 attheraces 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant 5.00 Richard and Judy 5.55 Party Political Broadcast by Plaid Cymru 6.00 Newyddion 6 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Y Rhagalen Wirion Na 6.55 Pobol y Cwm 7.25 Darllediad Gwleidyddol 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Darllediad Gwleidyddol 8.05 Da 'Di Dil 'De 8.35 Cefn Gwlad 9.05 World Rally: Great Britain 9.35 Friends 10.05 Brookside 10.40 The Osbournes 11.10 V Graham Norton 11.40 Party Political Broadcast by the Liberal Democrats 11.45 MTV Europe Music Awards 2002 Presented by P Diddy, with performances from Robbie Williams, Coldplay and Whitney Houston. P Diddy MUST DIE. 1.55 Model Behaviour 2.25 Feeder 2.40 Ferrari Maserati Festival 2002 3.05 Brazilian Championship Football
6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Beachcomber Bay 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Quincy: The Thighbone's Connected to the Kneebone 5.00 Wild Tales: Ed the Baby Elephant 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles 7.30 five news 8.00 Mapping Murder: Marauders and Commuters 8.30 Britain's Worst Driver 9.00 A Mind to Kill 11.00 FILM: Wildflower 12.45 FILM: Meeting Venus 2.40 FILM: Russ Meyer's Cherry, Harry and Raquel Russ Meyer film, with screenplay by Tom Wolfe. Eh? 3.50 Russell Grant's Postcards 4.00 Monsters 4.20 Riptide 5.10 Sons and Daughters
ITV 1
S4C
five
6.00 GMTV 9.25 SMTV Live 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 The Bond Essentials 1.00 News 1.10 On the Ball 2.05 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 3.00 The Goal Rush 5.05 News 5.35 Record of the Year 2002: The Final Countdown What are the office’s singles of the year so far? ‘Liam Lynch - United States Of Whatever’ - the beautiful and alluring TV Amy (she typed that); ‘Coldplay - The Scientist’ News Desk; ‘O**** - Little By Little’ - Bereft-Of-Taste Sports Desk; ‘Queens Of the Stone Age No One Knows’ - TV Steve (good choice); ‘Seafood - Cloaking’ - Our Deputy Tristan, after much research. I’m going for Alizée’s ‘Moi Lolita’. You just can’t beat French nymphets and their pervy, provocative pop. 6.00 Blind Date 7.00 Popstars: The Rivals 8.05 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 9.00 Popstars: The Rivals Live Result 9.15 Songs of Bond 10.15 News 10.30 The Premiership 12.00 Harry Hill's TV Burp 12.30 The Frank Skinner Show 1.15 The District 2.00 Britpop Forever Surely akin to calling a programme ‘Dinosaurs Forever’. 2.55 CD:UK 3.45 Dial-a-Date 4.10 Entertainment Now! 4.40 Cybernet 5.05 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 News
6.10 The Hoobs 7.00 British Adventure Racing Championships 7.30 ICC Cricket World 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 The Morning Line 10.00 Sport Talk 11.00 The Red Bull Soapbox Derby 11.30 Totally Board in Marseille 12.00 Futurama 12.55 Cheers 1.25 Channel 4 attheraces 4.10 Y Clwb Rygbi Rhyngwladol: Cymru v Canada 6.15 Xtra Omnibws 7.15 Newyddion 7.30 Twrio 8.30 Noson Lawen 9.30 Naw Tan Naw 10.00 World Rally: Great Britain 11.05 Status Quo: Rock On and On 12.25 Angel Your paper needs you! Help gair rhydd campaign to organise a jailbreak to free Winona Ryder! Such a beautiful, talented woman doesn’t deserve to be left at the mercy of the scary lesbians who frequent America’s prisons. 1.15 Model Behaviour Late Night 2.15 Late-Night Poker Debate rages as to whether the girl who plays Hermione Granger is attractive or not. Well, it’s only really Paedo Desk who says she is. 3.10 FILM: The Dead Zone Let’s play Kill/Shag/Marry. Tony Blair, Peter Mandelson, Sex God Alastair Campbell. TV Desk would kill Slimy Tone, shag Mandy and marry the delectable Alastair.
6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.10 Fit for the Wild 6.35 Fit for the Wild 7.00 Sunrise 7.55 Shake! 8.00 Gadget and the Gadgetinis 8.30 Beyblade 8.55 Dan Dare 9.30 Xcalibur 10.00 Max Steel 10.30 Hercules: the Legendary Journeys 11.25 The Adventures of Sinbad 12.20 The Edit 12.55 Popular 1.50 Harry and Cosh 2.20 Cleopatra 2525 2.50 Pop 3.20 Home and Away Omnibus 5.25 FILM: Tower of Terror 7.00 Charmed 7.50 Dark Angel 8.40 five news and sport 9.00 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 9.55 Law and Order 10.55 The Shield Office Legend of the week: Joe, for tracking down the pizza so ably. We love you. 11.55 FILM: A Thin Line between Love and Hate Wiser words were never spoken. 1.45 FILM: The Miracle Bullshit Christian propaganda. 3.45 Monsters 4.05 Monsters 4.25 First Wave This Issue’s Soundtrack: Beth Gibbons & Rustin Man, Out Of Season; Gonzales, Presidential Suite; Saul Williams, Amethyst Rockstar; half a Diamanda Galás song (until the first protracted screech - ‘it’s like Nina Simone in The Exorcist!’ TV Amy); Tori Amos, Scarlet’s Walk; Nick Drake, Bryter Layter. 5.10 Sons and Daughters
Saturday 16 November