Friday
Page 24
June 5 - 11 2006
yourmum@ontoast.com
20% Student Discount on all Pizzas & Starters All Day Every Day.
Puppet on a Chain
Lazytown
BBC1 12.20pm
BBC2 8.30am
Sweet Sixteen
C4 9.55am
My Crazy Life
C4 11.10am
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20% Student Discount on all Pizzas & Starters All Day Every Day. Call 02920 229977.
7:00pm Honey We're Killing the Kids Every single night on BBC3 they are fucking killing the kids. 8:00pm Anthea Turner: The Perfect Housewife 9:00pm Doctor Who 9:45pm Doctor Who Confidential 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Grown Ups Love whining about their kids. “Oh I dont know what to do about little Johnnys heroin addiction” 11:00pm The Real Hustle 11:30pm The Mighty Boosh An ode to Noel Fielding aka Vince Noir Oh Noel you are so fit Even though you dress like a tit Your cockney ways seduce me I would like to make you tea And slip some rohypnol into it then tough your naughty bits 12:00pm Man Stroke Woman a biasexuals dream 12:30pm Spendaholics 1:25am Grown Ups 1:55am Ideal 2:25am The Real Hustle 2:55am Anthea Turner: The Perfect Housewife Ode To Anthea Turner Just die already will you? Dont make me hunt you down with a rusty scapel. Not really an ode, more of a threat.
7:00pm Springwatch with Bill Oddie 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Sounds of the Eighties 9:00pm Soul Deep: The Story of Black Popular Music 10:00pm Van Morrison: Live at Ryman 10:30pm Stan Tracey: The Godfather of British Jazz 11:40pm Holmfirth Hollywood 12:40pm Shepperton Babylon Bit of background information on TV Ellen for you all, I actually use to live in Shepperton, it was pretty with munchkins and lollipop rivers,and old people were allowed to run through fields free range. Then I moved to Bristol where chavs drink White Lightning in badly-lit parks. If mother nature was to get anally raped. It would be in Bristol. 1:40am Silent Britain 3:10am Stan Tracey: The Godfather of British Jazz Right you know Professor Wheeto right off the Wheeto box. Where the hell has he gone? Some theorists suggest too many Wheetos led to a early sugar high induced death, but some of us suspect this is simply a ploy to distract people from the real culprit. Tony the Tiger.
6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Babar 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-Gi-Oh! GX 8:25am Sabrina The Animated Series 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30am The Jeremy Kyle Show 1:35pm Airline 2:05pm Coronation Street 2:35pm Emmerdale 3:05pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 4:10pm The Ricki Lake Show 5:00pm The Montel Williams Show 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Married with Children 7:30pm Spin City 8:00pm Death Becomes Her 10:05pm Lip Service 10:35pm Manhunter 12:55pm Coronation Street 1:25am ITV Play: The Mint 4:00am ITV Play: Playalong I am emoing up someone in five minutes for promotional photos for the panto Jack and The Giant Beanstalk. Jack is emo yer see, so i have bought along with me a pink T-shirt saying “Breakdance, Not Hearts”...
6:00am Big Brother Live 2:55pm Big Brother's Little Brother 3:25pm Big Brother 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Big Brother Live 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm Big Brother's Little Brother 8:00pm Friends 8:35pm Friends 9:00pm Supernanny US Another stupid x man power 10:00pm Friends 10:30pm Funny Cuts: Tank Commander 10:45pm Big Brother's Big Mouth 11:15pm Big Brother Live S4C ...for him to wear, I think he will look fetching. Also the staple part of any emo outfit, fake lip ring and fingerless stripey gloves. He might though just look like me if i were a man. Contrary to rumours. im not. (Half an hour later) Owww, making boys look emo is a satisfying task due to the hotness which comes with giving a a guy a lip piercing, some eyeliner and a tight black T-shirt. Oh my work is so hard. The trouble with pizza in the gairr rhydd office is you dont just want one piece. You want 40.
7:20am Roobarb and Custard Too 7:30am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Say It With Noddy Big Ears keeps touching me in bad places. 8:05am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:20am Peppa Pig 8:25am Ebb and Flo 8:35am Old Bear Stories 8:50am Mio Mao 8:55am Funky Valley 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00am Home and Away 12:30am BrainTeaser 1:40pm Mistress 3:40pm Bermuda Triangle 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Nice House, Shame about the Garden: Revisited 8:00pm Buildings That Shaped Britain The Bute Building. 9:00pm Law and Order 10:00pm Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 11:00pm Larger than Life - Big Love Ohh cuddly love between voluptuous people filmed live. Yummy. 12:00pm Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 1:00am The Great Big British Quiz 5:30am Wildlife SOS Tony the Tiger admits he was the last person to see Professor Wheeto, and that they did get in an argument over whose cereal contained the most e numbers, however before prowling into the the jungle he left me with these mysterious words. “ Ask snap, crackle and pop about the Luxemberg file.” The mystery deepened and I find myself caught up in the murky underworld of breakfast cereal mascots. What’s the luxemberg file and how are Snap, Crackle and Pop involved? when did i go insane?
PRIMETIME
6:20am The Hoobs 6:45am The Treacle People want your aborted foetuses 7:00am B4 7:25am Big Brother's Little Brother 7:55am Big Brother 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:55am Sweet Sixteen When I was sixteen I was thrust from an all girls school to a mixed school, and no longer accused of being a lesbian by my family. 10:20am Bobby Friction: Generation 7/7 11:10am My Crazy Life 11:35am Hardeep Does Pets 12:00am News at Noon 12:30am House Auction 1:00pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:05pm Pork Chop Hill 2:55pm The Coach Trip 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm Unreported World 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Big Brother: Live Eviction 9:30pm 8 Out of 10 Cats Jimmy Carr joke: “whats worse then finding a worm in your apple?” “Being raped.” 10:00pm Big Brother: Live Eviction 10:55pm Bring Back... The One Hit Wonders Like Olive: Your Not Alone and Sonique: Feels so Good and spin doctors Two Princes. Although I heard a Son of Dork cover of that the other day, it was poison to my little ears 11:55pm Big Brother's Big Mouth 12:30pm Nokia Isle of Wight Festival 2006 1:15am 4Play 1:30am Big Brother Live 3:50am God's Next Army 4:50am Countdown 5:35am Vee-TV I cant believe Karl Kennedy was here earlier and TV Gareth and TV Neil got photos with him, i bet they dont even love him.
PRIMETIME
6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30am ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 1:30pm Mum's On Strike 2:15pm Don't Move, Improve 3:00pm Louie 3:10pm Pocoyo 3:15pm Tractor Tom 3:30pm Feodor 3:35pm Art Attack 3:55pm How2 4:20pm Skillz 4:30pm Rising Damp 5:00pm The Price Is Right 5:30pm Loose @ 5.30 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Coronation Street 7:30pm World Cup 06: Poland v Ecuador Make up, boys, periods, pillow fights, boys, bras, boys. These are the things i shall be discussing while the football is on, ‘cos im a girl. 10:00pm Emmerdale 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Helicops 11:30pm To Be Announced Mr Scruff is sound checking downstairs, it sounds like the office is above a menal asylum. And the inmates are all shaving squirrels. I heard a rumour though that he gives out tea and biscuits during his gigs. Im sure thats what the students want at a dance night, unless you replace the word tea with sex and biscuits with copious amounts of mind altering drugs.12:00pm ITV Play: Quizmania 4:10am Too Many Cooks 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News Will number 20 senghennydd road kindly shut the fuck up, with your bloody drumming. Your ten minute Drum solos are distracting me from writing hilarious and witty things. And i heard you playing Mcfly before. Shame on you, take a shower. MUFFINS!
PRIMETIME
7:00am CBBC:Looney Tunes 7:05am Dennis the Menace 7:30am Level Up 8:30am CBeebies:Lazytown 9:00am Underground Ernie 9:15am Bob the Builder: Project Build It 9:30am Boogie Beebies 9:45am Springwatch 10:30am Primary History: Britain Since 1948 10:50am Writing Across the Curriculum 11:10am New Kid in the Class A guide on how to psychologically scar the new kid for life, leading to reoccurring nightmares, phobias and/or suicide. Bonus. 11:30am Watch my back im going in 11:45am Watch 12:00am The Daily Politics 12:30am Working Lunch 1:30pm The Flying Gardener The oddest x men power ever 2:00pm The Queen at 80 She would still get it 3:00pm Return to Tuscany 3:30pm The People's Museum 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Flog It! 6:30pm The Urban Chef 7:00pm Pets for Profit 7:30pm A Year at Kew 8:00pm How to Be a Gardener Revisited 8:30pm Gardeners' World 9:00pm Terry Jones's Barbarians 10:00pm Grumpy Old Women 10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Later with Jools Holland 12:40pm The Daytrippers 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Open University and General Interest:Cinema for the Ears 2:30am Meaning in Abstract Art 3:00am The Golden Thread 3:30am Wallace in Wales 4:00am Finding a Voice 4:30am Finding a Voice 5:00am Finding a Voice 5:30am Ever Wondered about Food? YES, yes I have!!! Why is it so GOD DAMM MUMMYYYYY… apart from snails and frogs legs.
PRIMETIME
PRIMETIME
6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Britain's Streets of Debt 10:00am Homes under the Hammer 11:00am Escape to the Country 11:30am Bargain Hunt 12:15am Cash in the Attic 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm Animal Park 4:00pm World Cup Match of the Day Live Narnia vs Middle Earth. See how much I care about the World Cup. Im too busy being distracted by talk of make up and periods. 7:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 7:30pm Airport 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Home Again 9:00pm Have I Got News for You 9:30pm They Think It's All Over 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 11:35pm World Cup Match of the Day 12:20pm Puppet on a Chain Intriguing name for a film, maybe its about weird puppet bondage love, or even kinky puppet loving or even… no wait.. it’s about hired assassins. 2:00am World Cup Match of the Day Replay 3:40am Sign Zone:The Happiness Formula 4:10am Sign Zone:The Happiness Formula I think I got this worked out. Sex + biscuits + slaves to do your bidding - guilt about slaves + swimming pool filled with marshmallows - hygiene issues from this + dragon from Never Ending Story giving me lifts to Tesco - incarceration of said Dragon by police= HAPPINESS! 4:40am Joins BBC News 24
6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am B4 7:25am Big Brother's Little Brother 7:55am Big Brother 8:55am Frasier 9:30am The Deadly Knowledge Show 9:55am Sweet Sixteen 10:20am Bobby Friction: Generation 7/7 11:10am My Crazy Life 11:35am Hardeep Does Pets 12:00am News at Noon 12:30am Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:45am Planed Plant Bach:Bibi Bel 12:50am Planed Plant Bach:Penblwydd Pwy 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Pentre Bach 1:15pm House Auction 1:45pm Deal or No Deal 2:30pm Deal or No Deal 3:15pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Beyblade 4:25pm Teledu Eddie 4:50pm Ffeil 5:00pm The New Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm The Coach Trip 6:30pm Uned 5 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:30pm Big Brother: Live Eviction 9:30pm Cymru Am Byth 10:00pm Big Brother: Live Eviction 10:55pm 8 Out of 10 Cats 11:30pm My Name Is Earl 12:00pm Will and Grace 12:30pm Nokia Isle of Wight