Friday
Page 26
March 20 - 26 2006
fog@fweck.com
Apha,Bravo,Charlie, Delta, Echo, Foxtrot, Golf, Hotel, India, Juliet, Kilo,
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7:00pm The House of Tiny Tearaways with Tanya Byron 8:00pm Trauma 8:30pm The Real Hustle 9:00pm Wedding Stories 10:00pm EastEnders 11:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:30pm Ideal 12:00pm The Colin and Edith Show Isn’t this a radio show? Where am I? What the fuck is going on? I knew I should’ve stayed in bed this morning. 12:55pm The Real Hustle 1:25am Kick Ass Miracles Graeme. Yes, the IT whizz is a bloody kick ass miracle. Not only has he saved us a shed load of time and effort, he also allowed me to put Tippex on his face. He was passed out at the time due to excessive consumption of alcohol, the little tinker. Who would have thought? 1:55am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:25am Snuff Box 2:55am The Ferocious Mr Fix It
X-Ray, Yankee, Zulu. YES.
7:00pm Tory! Tory! Tory! 8:00pm The World 8:30pm The Cinema Show 9:00pm Ivor Cutler: Looking for Truth with a Pin 10:00pm The Chatterley Affair 11:30pm The Avengers 12:20pm The Mark Steel Lecture 12:50pm The Cinema Show 1:20am Ivor Cutler: Looking for Truth with a Pin Now it is time for a pointless list children of the night. This week I am going to list the things I should have done by now but I haven’t. 1) Join a netball team (as if) 2) Marry a man who looks like Steven Seagal. 3) Drive over a large branch. 4) Touch an Elephant 5) Stop being a ridiculous loserwho can’t finish a television page in less than two hours because i’m too busy making cups of tea or asking boys if I can put make-up on them. Fact. I was going to add that I’ve never milked a goat but then I remembered that I actually had, several times. You know you’re old when you forget things as momentous as that.
6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30am ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1:30pm Loose Women 2:30pm Agatha Christie's Poirot 3:30pm Pocoyo 3:40pm Blips If some Blips are Blobs and some Blobs like Blippity Blop Bobbits, them how many Blips are Blobs? 3:50pm Rugrats 4:00pm Finders Keepers 4:30pm Sabrina, the Teenage Witch 5:00pm The Paul O'Grady Show 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 6:50pm Budget Response by the Liberal Democrats 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Tonight with Trevor McDonald 8:30pm A Touch of Frost 10:30pm ITV News 11:00pm Party Conference Broadcast 11:05pm Hair I once had three hairclips stuck in my knotted, matted hair for a whole week. Even washing didn’t dislodge the blighters. Why I am telling you this I have no idea. Oh yes I do. It is very late and i’ve just spent the last three hours literally arsing around and now I want to go home and I have to write in some kind of Dickensian sweatshop while you students worry if you’ve lost your American Pie boxset. Did you know I can recite the phonetic alphabet on command? 11:30pm Orange Playlist 12:05pm Quizmania 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News
Lima, Mike, November, Oscar,
6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Babar 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Sabrina 7:30am Transformers Energon 8:00am Yu-Gi-Oh! GX 8:30am Mummies Alive 9:00am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am Sally Jessy Raphael 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30am The Jeremy Kyle Show 1:30pm Airline 2:00pm Coronation Street 2:30pm Emmerdale 3:00pm The Ricki Lake Show 3:50pm The Montel Williams Show 4:40pm The Oprah Winfrey Show 5:35pm Judge Judy 6:50pm Movies Now 7:00pm Married with Children 7:30pm Spin City 8:00pm Planet's Funniest Animals 8:30pm American Idol 10:00pm American Idol 10:30pm Test Drive My Girlfriend What kind of retard would let that slobbering jizz-monkey Paul Danan anywhere near their girlfriend? I saw him humping someone’s leg once. Maybe.11:00pm Coronation Street 11:30pm Footballers' Wives Extra Time 12:15pm The Ricki Lake Show
ITV1 11.05am
6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am B4 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:25am Will and Grace 8:50am Frasier 9:20am 3 Minute Wonder: The Bench 9:25am Water Stories 9:30am Adopt Me - I'm a Teenager 10:20am Giving Up the Weed 11:10am The Big Drugs Debate DRUGS ARE BAD. 12:00am News at Noon 12:30am Small Railway Journeys 12:45am ER 1:35pm Sea of Sand Last time I went to Barry island it was called a beach. 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm 30 Minutes 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Will and Grace 9:00pm The Games: Live 10:35pm 8 Out of 10 Cats 11:10pm My Name Is Earl 11:40pm Green Wing 12:50pm 888.com Poker Nations Cup 2:20am World Cup Snowboard 4:10am Trans World Sport 5:00am Grudge Match 5:10am Countdown 5:55am Animated Tales of the World “What about it?” “Argh! fucking stupid computer” “What?” I apologise. I had attempted to transcribe any dialogue between myself and TV John. Unfortunately I’ve had more interesting conversations with myself. I did however see John attempt to search for “sexy pics of Frankie Muniz” on the internet. Yes, that’s right, I SAW.
Papa, Quebec, Romeo, Sierra, Tango, Uniform,
6:00am E4 Music:Uninterrupted 7:00am The Games: Live from the Athletes' Village 1:00pm Switched 1:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 2:25pm The Games: Live 3:30pm The Games: Live at the Heats 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:35pm Friends 6:05pm Smallville: Superman the Early Year 7:00pm Hollyoaks7:30pm Switched 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Supernanny 10:00pm Friends 10:30pm The Games: Inside Track 11:00pm The Games: Live from the Athletes' Village 12:30pm Porn: A Family Business 1:05am Porn: A Family Business 1:40am Kanye West: Live and Orchestral at Abbey Road This morning it was gloriously sunny. The problem with winter sun is that if you wear sunglasses you run the risk of looking like a twat. I opted for the twat route and wore my Kanye West shades. I’ll never be as cool as him.2:40am The Games: Inside Track 3:05am Porn: A Family Business 3:30am Supernanny 4:30am Switched 4:50am Fool
6:00am Old Bear Stories 6:10am Aussie Antics 6:15am Bear in the Big Blue House 6:40am Hi-5 7:15am Roobarb and Custard Too 7:25am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and his Best Friend Corky 7:35am Make Way for Noddy 7:50am Say It With Noddy 7:55am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:10am Peppa Pig 8:15am Bird Bath 8:30am Titch 8:40am The Clangers 8:50am Franny's Feet 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00am Home and Away 12:30am BrainTeaser 1:40pm Star Trek: Voyager 2:35pm Star Trek: Voyager 3:25pm The Patricia Neal Story: an Act of Love 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away Today’s episode is dedicated to the charming band I saw the other night who covered this in their, erm, “set”. 6:30pm Two and a Half Men 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Built for the Kill: Swamp Monsters 8:00pm Nigel Marven's Creepy Crawlies 9:00pm The 1970s: That Was the Decade That Was...was what? Chubby? Thirty years ago? Stackheeled? 10:00pm Law and Order 11:00pm Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 12:00pm John Barnes' Football Night 1:00am Boxing: Fight of the Week 1:40am Kick Boxing: Now Is the Time: Night of Combat 2:30am 101 Greatest Knockouts 3:00am Poker Night: Partypoker.com European Open 4:30am World Supercross Grand Prix
P R I M E T I M E
M I T E M I R P
6:00am Breakfast 9:00am CBeebies: Cbeebies Birthdays:Big Cook Little Cook 9:25am Postman Pat 9:40am Little Robots 9:50am Tweenies 10:15am Something Special 10:30am BBC Primary History 10:50am BBC Primary Geography 11:10am BBC Primary Geography 11:30am Razzledazzle 11:50am Focus 12:00am The Daily Politics 12:30am Working Lunch 1:00pm Commonwealth Games 2006 3:00pm Through the Keyhole 3:30pm Escape to the Country 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Flog It! 7:00pm Scrum V Live 9:00pm A Very British Olympics 10:00pm My Appalling School Report 10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Budget Response by the Liberal Democrats 11:40pm Loudon Wainwright III at the BBC 12:45pm Sign Zone:The Best of Top Gear 1:45am Dear Television 2:00am Ever Wondered? 2:30am Open Advice - Study to Succeed 3:00am A Question of Identity Berlin and Berliners Talking of capital cities, my housemate thought that the capital of the Czech Republic was “Russia”. Oh dear. 4:00am Insights into Violence Talking heads discuss violence. Key findings include: Violence hurts and if you punch someone they are likely to twat you one back. 4:30am Driving while Black 5:00am Containing the Pacific 5:30am The Euro Beat Not to be confused with Culture Beat, who had a hit with Mr Vain back in ninety-something.
BBC2 9pm
Hair
PRIMETIME
7:00am Commonwealth Games 2006: Games Report 7:25am Commonwealth Games 2006 12:30am Commonwealth Games 2006: Games Report 12:55am Live FA Cup SemiFinal Draw 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Monk 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:ChuckleVision 3:40pm Pitt and Kantrop 4:05pm Zombie Hotel 4:30pm Living It 5:00 Blue Peter 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours 6:00 BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00 A Question of Sport In my opinion the TV coverage is far too sporty at the moment. The only people who are interested in sport are those who play a sport of their own. Research indicates that 90% of sportsmen (and women) would rather inject themselves with steroids and run up and down the stairs than watch a full night of television. (Please note: I am lying) So who, may we ask, benefits from this excessive sports coverage? 7:30pm Stars in Fast Cars 8:00pm EastEnders 9:00pm Hustle 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Budget Response by the Liberal Democrats 10:40pm Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 11:40pm Commonwealth Games 2006
A Very British Olympics
PRIMETIME
BBC2 2am
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My Appalling School Report BBC2 10pm
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6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am B4 7:30am Friends 8:00am Just Shoot Me 8:25am Will and Grace 8:50am Frasier 9:20am Water Stories 9:30am Ysgolion (Schools) (9.30-12.00):Going Cold Turkey 10:20am Giving Up the Weed 11:10am The Big Drugs Debate 12:00am News at Noon 12:30am Planed Plant Bach 12:45am Planed Plant Bach 12:50am Planed Plant Bach Pwy 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Sam Tan 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm It's Me or the Dog 1:55pm You Are What You Eat 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:15pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Beyblade 4:25pm Planed Plant:Paparazzi 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 5:55pm Budget Response by Plaid Cymru - The Party of Wales 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Uned 5 7:25pm Ymateb i'r Gyllideb: Plaid Cymru - The Party of Wales 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Ymateb i'r Gyllideb: Democratiaid Rhyddfrydol 8:05pm Pobol y Cwm