gair rhydd - Issue 783

Page 27

Thursday

March 14 - 20 2005

Page 27

sandwichinthelineofduty@greditor.com

19.00 The Comic Side of 7 Days 19.30 Trauma 20.00 EastEnders Revealed The Growing Pains of Zoe Slater. Zoe Slater? I’d give her a growing pain all right. 20.30 BBC Three News 21.00 Spendaholics (New Series) Series that shows how to lead a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget. 22.00 EastEnders Same one that was on BBC1 before for those of you who have dinner fashionably late, I Presume. 22.30 Casanova Starring TV Willy. 23.30 Destination Three 23.35 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps Gash 24.10 Farscape 01.00 Mind, Body and Kick Ass Moves with Chris Crudelli 01.35 Burn It If you have the text zoomed out on our lo-tech Apple Macs, the name of this show REALLY looks like Bum It. Which, on reflection, is an improvement. 02.10 Spendaholics 03.05 Liquid Assets: Kylie's Millions The series examining the

6.00 GMTV2 9.25 3rd Rock from the Sun 9.55 3rd Rock from the Sun Zzzzz.10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael 11.15 Judge Judy 12.30 Corrie Angela panics when Katy and Martin get dangerously close. 1.00 Emmerdale Turner discovers an unlikely ally when Shelly leaves the village and Steph heads off in hot pursuit. Unlikely ally? Dave Benson Phillips? 1.30 Airline 2.00 Trisha 3.05 Trisha 4.10 The John Walsh Show 5.00 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.50 Judge Judy 7.00 3rd Rock from the Sun 7.30 3rd Rock from the Sun 8.00 Celebrity Fit Club 9.00 Celebrities Exposed: Caught in the Act Barbara Castle and Dom Joly caught in an unseemly act of public lovemaking. 10.00 The Contender 11.25 The Frank Skinner Show. (Widescreen) 0.20 3rd Rock from the Sun 0.45 3rd Rock from the Sun. 1.10 Late Show with David Letterman. 1.55 The John Walsh Show 2.40 Teleshopping. 4.40 ITV2 Nightscreen. 5.10 Late Show with David Letterman.

19.00 The Selfish Green The world seems threatened with environmental catastrophe, but are we too selfish to save it? The answer, as I sit here sipping coffee and listening to my iPod, is a dumbfounding, YES. 20.00 The World 20.30 Yes, Prime Minister 21.00 Broadway: The American Musical 22.00 Birdland, a History of Jazz: Dream a Little, Dream of Me Yes readers, this is serious programming, despite the Granada Men and Motors programme title. 22.05 Arrested Development 22.30 The Late Edition 23.00 Curb Your Enthusiasm Larry has a religious crisis when his future brother-in-law plans to convert from Judaism to Christianity. GE-HE-HE-NIUS 23.30 Curb Your Enthusiasm Ditto. 24.00 Guyana: Trouble in Paradise 24.30 Seymour Hersh Talks to Mark Lawson 01.00 The Late Edition 01.30 Broadway: The American Musical 02.30 British Isles: A User's Guide to Natural History 03.30 The Late Edition

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5:50 Angela Anaconda 6:10 Cheltenham Highlights 6:35 The Hoobs 7:00 B4 7:30 Friends 8:00 Coach Trip 8:30 The Morning Line 9:30 The Story Of The Novel 10:20 Weapons of War 10:40 National Gallery 10:45 Letters From The Trenches 11:05 Tate Modern 11:10 Teens On Trial: Rachel - Underage BingeDrinking. Is there anything better? 11:40 Women in the 20th Century 12:00 News At Noons 12:30 Cheers 1:00 Channel 4 RTacing; Cheltenham Festival 4:30 Coach Trip 5:00 Richard and Judy 6:00 The Simpsons 6:30 Hollyoaks Steph (Carley Stenson) forces Becca (Ali Bastian) to stand up for herself, but gets more than she bargained for... a subscription to the Adult Channel and a bag of tangerines. 7:00 Channel 4 News 7:55 3 Minute wonder: the Great Relativeity Show 8:00 A Place In The Sun 9/11 VERY oddly named travel show. Oh, I guess it means episode 9 of 11. 8:30pm The City Gardener 2/10: Cardiff As far as I knew, the only gardens in Cardiff are populated by drunk students. 9:00 The Government Inspector David Kelly: Dead, mate. 11:05 The Last Temptation of Christ He just HAD to have that yellow fruit pastel. 2:05 Cheltenham Highlights 2:40 4 pieces of me: Norman and Me Presumably nothing to do with ex-chancellor and arch eyebrow sporter Norman Lamont. But all the same, an excellent reason to put a picture of him at the top of the page.

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6.00 GMTV News Hour 7.00 GMTV Today 8.35 LK Today 9.25 Trisha More heartwarming and shocking true stories with Trisha Goddard and a studio audience. Of course that’s ‘true’ in the Richard Nixon sense. 10.30 This Morning 10.50 ITV News Headlines, Local News and Weather. 11.55 ITV News Headlines 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 60 Minute Makeover 2.00 I Want That House Revisited 2.30 Boot Sale Treasure Hunt 3.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 3.15 Thomas and Friends 3.25 Tractor Tom Live from Zummerzet. 3.35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 3.45 Mucha Lucha. An Epic Tale of Donuts and Heroes 3.55 Bernard Manchester’s premier rascist comedian gets his own show on CITV. Gadzooks! 4.10 Rugrats 4.25 My Parents are Aliens 5.00 The Paul O'Grady Show 6.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 6.25 ITV Evening News; Weather 6.55 Budget 2005: The Shadow Chancellor Gordon Brown: texture like heroin. 7.00 Emmerdale The old chemistry between Chas and Carl resurfaces. It’ll never be as good as it was with Dave though Chas. 8.00 The Bill 9.00 Fat Friends 10.00 Celebrity Surgery: Who's Had What Done? ITV in gutter TV shocker. 10.30 ITV News 11.00 Party Conference Broadcast By the Welsh Labour Party 11.05 Helicops 11.35 Soccer Night 0.00 Win, Lose or Draw Late 0.30 Vinnie Jones's Orange Playlist I Predict A Riot, Fight Test, Stacked Actors, Murder incorporated. Gah!

House of Lords BBC Parl. 6.00am

2:00 Without A Trace: Snatch Back. This is actually the name of this episode. Honest. 3:00 Samllville 4:00 Switched 4:30 Hollyoaks Will Zara (Kelly Greenwood) manage to fool the audience into thinking that she is Kylie and be the heroine of the Students’ Union? Only if the Students’ Union is populated by pissy-faced oafs. That sounds oddly familiar. 5:00 Friends 5:30 Friends 6:00 Smallville 7:00 Hollyoaks 7:30 Switched Amber holds her own in a sax lesson. As if our own resident sex-columnist wouldn’t hold her own. She might be back soon kids! 8:00 Friends 8:30 Friends 9:00pm ER: Only Connect. Concerned by patient satisfaction scores, Lewis instructs Kovac to teach residents effective patient communication. One scream for yes, two screams for yes, please. 10:00 Fool Around...with Dan Carsi Altogether

WHO?

now...

06.00 Softies06.05 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 06.30 Franny's Feet 06.40 Oswald 06.55 Roobarb 07.00 Hi-5 07.30 Old Bear Stories 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 The Book of Pooh 08.30 Elmo's World Probably not too dissimilar to Bez’s world. 08.45 When I Gro w up 08.50 MechaNick 09.00 The Wright Stuff 10.00 Film: "Dead Man's Island" 11.50 The Wright Stuff Extra 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away Catastrophe strikes Robbie and Tasha. Or: When elephants and jet-skis collide. 13.00 Family Affairs 13.35 BrainTeaser 14.35 Trisha Goddard 15.40 Film: "One Spy Too Many" 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.30 UEFA Cup Football (Live) Sporting Lisbon v Middle sbrough 22.00 Film: Dirty Har ry Super genius film-making, if Clint Eastwood going round kicking ass with a magnum is your kinda thing. 24.00 John Barnes' Football Night 24.40 Portuguese Football 02.10 Dutch Football 03.40 Argentinian Football 05.10 Argentinian Football Highlights Well, if you haven’t noticed, the five listings look a bit funny. We really don’t know why but the text all seems to have gone a bit, well, gappy. SO, we have had to shrink it all down, and hence it looks a bit crap. Why this only affects five? I don’t know but it’s pissing us off almost as much as the Channel 4 listings coming in capitals letters, requiring us to change the names of every fuggin’ programme to lower case. It’s a sham I tells you. Right, love and hugs, TV Willy xxxxxxxxx

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Norman And Me C4 2.40am

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6:00am: CBBC: Little Bear 6:25 The Silver Brumby 6:50 Metalheads 7:15 SMart on the Road 7:30 Yvon of the Yukon Better than Nick of Newfoundland. 7:55 Newsround 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cock Little Cock 8:20 Tots TV 8:30 Boo! Aaaaargh, it’s Wayne Rooney. 8:40 Pablo the Little Red Fox 8:45 The Koala Brothers 9:00 Tweenies 9:20 Razzledazzle 9:40 Fimbles 10:00 Fireman Sam 10:10 Tweenies Songtime This week the guys play Wait and Bleed by Slipknot on their kitchen sink. 10:15 64 Zoo Lane 10:30 The Way Things Work I just put my hand in and wiggle it about, that sorts most stuff out. 10:45 Something Special 11:00 Words and Pictures sounds like gair rhydd to be Frank (Butcher). 11:15 Pathways of Belief: Christianity 11:30 The Daily Politics 12:30pm: Working Lunch 1:00 FILM: Bullwhip. (1958) 2:20 The Great War 3:00 Castle in the Country 3:30 Sun, Sea and Bargain Spotting 4:30 Ready Steady Cock 5:15 Weakest Link 6:00 Flog It! 6:30 Masterchef Goes Large Starring Rik Waller. 7:00 The Culture Show 8:00 Journeys to the Bottom of the Sea Starring Rik Waller and a dinghy 8:30 The Reclaimers. 9:00 Blame the Parents. 9:50 Grown Up Gappers This is about adults who go on gap-years ’cos they’re bored of work and stuff. Like me, I imagine, when I get to 34 having never drank sambuca on the streets of Phuket. 10:30 Newsnight 11:20 Budget Response by the Conservative Party 11:25 The Culture Show 12:25am: FILM: The Trespasser 2:00 BBC Learning Zone:

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6:00am: Breakfast Today? A Mexican chicken butty from the lovely ladies at the Bute cafe. 9:15 To Buy or Not to Buy 10:00 Homes under the Hammer 11:00 Trading Up My girlfriend for your Flymo? 11:45 Car Booty Anna Ford? 12:15 Cash in the Attic 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:40 Neighbours 2:05 Doctors This week, messrs: Who, Pepper, Kennedy, Shipman, ...and the Medics. I think I’ve done this one before. 2:35 Murder, She Wrote 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBeebies: Clifford the Big Red Dog 3:40 CBBC: Arthur 4:05 Chucklevision Starring Noam Chomsky.4:20 The Cramp Twins 4:30 Best of Friends Frank Rijkaard and Jose Mourinho 5:00 Even Stevens 5:25 Newsround 5:35 Neighbours Max and Lou believe that they may be suspects.They suspect they may be suspects, eh? How suspect. 6:00 BBC News 6:30 Regional News 7:00 Outtake TV 7:30 EastEnders A gorgeous new arrival on the Square makes a big impression on the men of Walford. Looks like the muchrumoured return of Dean Gaffney wasn’t just idle chitchat. 8:00 The Inspector Lynley Mysteries 9:30 A Life of Grime New York 10:00 BBC News 10:30 Regional News and Weather (Followed by a Budget Response by the Conservative Party) 10:40 Question Time 11:40 This Week 12:25am: FILM: Final Jeopardy. (2001) 1:50 Sign Zone: Watchdog TV Holly in shock return to TV Desk? Wait and see guys!

Way Things Work BBC 2 10.30am

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Trading Up BBC1 11am

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06.00 House of Lords How appropriate that in the week of our lovely union elections (read students embarassing themselves by dressing up as Popeye and gargling Bohemian Rhpasody backwards) that we feature the Beeb’s own dedicated Parliament channel. Viewers: Seven. 09.00 The Record Parliament The Self Preservation Society, Yes it’s Fucking Political (Skunk Anansie, apparently) 09.30 House of Lords 11.30 Live Environment Questions How many woodbines can a toucan smoke in an hour? If a falcon is flying at 15mph in a south-westerly direction, what is his preferred brand of fabric softener? How many guinea pigs does it take to make Luciano Pavorotti play chess? 12.30 Live Budget Debate 18.30 House of Lords 23.00 The Record 23.30 Lords Questions How many of you are currently leaping? How many of you are currenty sleeping? How many of you believe in representative dmeocracy, etc. ad infinitum.

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