Tuesday
November 15 - 21 2004
Page 27
ilovebruce@tvwilly.com
9.25 Coronation Street. Tracy fights dirty with Karen - brilliant!! 9.55 Emmerdale 10.25 Sally Jessy Raphael. 11.15 Judge Judy 12.30 Coronation Street. 1.00 Emmerdale 1.30 Airline. 2.00 Trisha 3.05 Jerry Springer. 3.55 The John Walsh Show 4.45 Sally Jessy Raphael 5.30 Judge Judy 6.50 Ask a Silly Question What is that hole for? Oh. 7.00 Jerry Springer. 7.50 Movies Now. 8.00 FILM: Crocodile Dundee 10.00 When Jordan Met Peter 10.30 I'm a Celeb... Top Ten Tiffs, Tears and Tantrums 11.30 The Frank Skinner Show I watched the original broadcast of the show pissed on December 4th last year. How is THAT for good memory? 0.20 Baddiel and Skinner 0.50 Jerry Springer. 1.35 David Letterman.
19.00 Reach for the Stars: Days That Shook the World 20.00 The World Rather vague subject matter. This could be about anything from TV Willy’s whisky-porn fetish (don’t ask) to the melting of the polar ice caps. Not that the second one is more important or anything. ‘Cos it’s not you know. 20.30 Jacques Loussier 22.00 Time Shift: British Space Race We had a space race. A race in the sense that we were last and rubbish. And British in the sense that we were last and rubbish. 22.40 To Mars by A-Bomb This sounds highly implausible. Not as implausible as writing eight pages about UKTV Food mind. God I’m bored. Can’t just kick me out of university already? 23.40 Reach for the Stars: Days That Shook the World Now for a special
06.00 Sunrise 06.30 Woolamal oo 06.45 Oswald 06.55 Hi-5 0 7. 3 0 P e p p a P i g 0 7 . 3 5 F u n k y Valley 07.45 Make Way for Noddy 08.00 The Book of Pooh 08.35 The Save-Ums! 08.50 B a r n e y 0 9 . 1 0 M y F i r s t . . . ..( L i g h thouse) 09.15 Roobarb 09.25 The Wright Stuff 10.30 Sunset Beach 11.25 House Doctor 11.50 The Wright Stuff Extra 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 13.00 Family Affairs 13.35 Brain Tea ser 14.35 Boy Meets Boy 15.35 five news 15.40 Film: “B l a c k D e a t h " 17.30 five news 18.00 Home and Away 18.30 Family Affairs 19.00 five news 19.30 Fifth Gear 20.00 MacIntyre's Big Sti ng 21.00 CSI: Miami 22.00 CSI: Crime Scene I nvestigation 22.55 Crime Scene Academy 23.30 Boomtown 00.15 A r r e s t a n d T r i a lI’ve had it up to here --------------------------------------------> with five. They are boring. So in turn I am going to bore you. You smelly little buggers. Right highlights of TV Willy’s week. I went to London yesterday to schmooze with the press. I realised that the vast majority of people who want to get into the media are twats who only want to get in the media so they can say I’m in the media. Plus. Posh people. What utter twats. Seriously bomb them. Bomb their houses. Especially those that come from Bristol University, have a curly mane and look more pretentious than a suburban family bossing a waiter around in Pizza Express. And finally. A little ode to the world....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPl RRRRRGGHH. Let me go to sleep. Please.
06.00 Teleshopping 07.00 Gladiators 08.00 The Crystal Maze 09.00 Fort Boyard 10.00 100 Per Cent 10.30 Soap Addicts 11.00 Bruce's Price Is Right Obviously 11.30 Family Fortunes 12.00 Wheel of Fortune 12.30 Catchphrase 13.00 Classic Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 14.00 Boot Sale Challenge 14.30 DIY Dads 15.00 Help Me Rhonda 15.30 House of Dreams 16.30 Dream Holiday Home 17.00 Bruce's Price Is Right 17.30 Catchphrase 18.00 Takeshi's Castle 19.00 World's Craziest Outdoor Outtakes 19.30 Ultimate Guinness World Records 20.00 Blockbusters 20.30 Bullseye 21.00 Classic Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 22.00 The Casino 23.00 World Poker Tour Kill me. Pnaaaaaaaaaaaaa -arggggghhhhhhhhhhhh.
8:25 EastEnders 9:00 The Bill 10:00 Holby City 11:00 Casualty 12:00pm: Doctors 12:40 EastEnders 1:20 Last of the Summer Wine 2:00 Bergerac 3:00 The Bill 4:00 Holby City 5:00 Casualty 7:05 ‘Allo ‘Allo! 7:40 Last of the Summer Wine 8:20 As Time Goes By TV Desk becomes more and more fun. Who knows what is going to happen next week? We’ve already had the disappearance of the listings, the loss of the Channel 4 channels. My money is on the implosion of the internet AND TV. Leaving us with little to entertain ourselves with appart from the random musings of myself and the TV gang. What fun awaits. 9:00 Silent Witness 11:25 Absolutely Fabulous 12:05am: Men Behaving Badly 12:40 Silent Witness I really fancy a Tikka Masala. Really badly.
PRIMETIME
6:00am: James Martin Delicious Pork 6:30 Chalet Slaves 7:00 Antonio Carluccio’s Southern Italian Feast 7:30 Good Food Live 8:30 Good Food Bites 9:00 Ainsley’s Meals in Minutes ‘Charisma’ is his middle name, and showing you how to cook tasty food quickly is his game. Don’t think I could beat that if I tried. Like a strong woman. 9:30 MasterChef 2000 10:00 TV Dinners 10:30 The Food Hunter 11:00 Antonio Carluccio’s Southern Italian Feast 11:30 Ainsley’s Meals in Minutes 12:00pm: Ainsley’s Gourmet Express Brunch 12:30 Good Food Live 1:30 TV Dinners 2:00 Good Food Bites 2:30 James Martin Delicious Pork 3:00 MasterChef 2000 3:30 Ainsley’s Gourmet Express Brunch. 4:00 Antonio Carluccio’s Southern Italian Feast 4:30 Wild and Fresh 5:00 Chalet Slaves 5:30 Ainsley’s Meals in Minutes King of the TV chefs Ainsley Harriott, with more non-labour intensive super-duper dishes. With great recipes for spicy sausages, baked Camembert, and chicken chow mein. Once again I, TV Willy, have been thoroughly outdone. 6:00 Good Food Live 7:00 Good Food Bites 7:30 TV Dinners 8:00 The Food Hunter 8:30 Worrall Thompson Behind Every Great Man SO much gay innuendo. So little time. Life really is too short. 9:00 Ainsley’s Gourmet Express Brunch 9:30 James Martin Delicious Pork 10:00 Good Food Live 11:00 Antonio Carluccio’s Southern Italian Feast Sicily 11:30 TV Dinners TV Desk Dinners more like. In which case Texas BBQ from Domino’s.
PRIMETIME
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6.00 GMTV 8.35 LK Today: Lorraine Kelly with fashion, showbiz and lifestyle news. 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 I Want That House 2.30 The Food Show 3.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 3.15 Miffy and Friends 3.20 Fun Song Factory 3.35 Sonic X 4.00 Jungle Run. 4.30 My Parents Are Aliens. 5.00 The Paul O'Grady Show. 6.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 6.30 ITV Evening News; Weather 7.00 Emmerdale Katie becomes Sadie's pawn in the wedding war. Chloe decides on a late night with Jimmy. Wedding? Porn? Late nights? Pnaaaaaaaaaarr. 7.30 The Ferret 8.00 Package Holiday Undercover 9.00 Lie with Me Right here goes again. Many gair rhydd stafers are competent. The album charts give a reflection of all that is good in current music. Razorlight are an amazing band. The UK train network is both efficient and good value. TV Willy does not have delusions of grandeur. Porn is disgusting and demeaning and I thoroughly dislike it. TV Desk is disgusting and demeaning and I thoroughly dislike it. I didn’t meet Krisnan Guru-Murthy yesterday and he was a really nice bloke. The First World War was fought over soap. 10.30 ITV News 11.00 FILM: The Real Howard Spitz 0.50 CD:UK Hotshots. 1.15 Manic Street Preachers in Profile ....look a lot fatter than they do when you look at them straight on.
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PRIMETIME
PRIMETIME
19.00 The 7 O'Clock News on BBC Three 19.30 Body Hits 20.00 Trauma 20.30 Little Angels 21.00 New Little Britain 21.30 My Life in Film Started and ended with my lead role in Pearl Harbour. 22.00 EastEnders 22.30 Nighty Night 23.00 Blood on the Turntable Story of The Sex Pistols. I’ll summarise. Mclaren, King’s Road, Westwood, Bill Wotsisname, Radio 1, Rotten, Dead, Rubbish, Split, Reunion. Ever get the feeling you’ve been had? 00.00 Brothel (The Lady in Red) “Is dancing with me”. Dear me. What the hell is BBC3 doing with a programme called the brothel on. I much preferred the name BBC Choice if that’s what it was called. TAf-od Elgan seems to think it is. And we trust him. He’s billngual. A vital skill.
6:00am CBBC: The Animals of Farting Wood 6:25 Noah's Island 6:50 There's a Viking in My Bed Let’s hope he’ll be pillaging rather than raping then.7:05 Metalheads Documentary following a group of Slayer fans as they battle the prejudices of ‘the man’. 7:30 Raven 7:55 Newsround 8:00 CBeebies: Big Cock Little Cock 8:20 Tots TV 8:30 Rubbadubbers 8:40 Pablo, the Little Red Fox 8:45 Little Robots 9:00 Balamory 9:20 The Roly Mo Show 9:40 Tweenies. 10:00 Sergeant Stripes 10:10 Yoho Ahoy 10:15 Bob the Builder 10:30 Thinking Skills. Think About It: Mystery 10:40 The Maths Channel 10:50 Primary Geography. World Environmental Changes: The Sea Longest title EVER. 11:00 Around Scotland. Waterways Environment 11:20 Trade Secrets 11:30 The Daily Politics 12:30pm: Working Lunch 1:00 Numbertime 1:15 Words and Pictures Plus 1:30 FILM: Farewell My Lovely 3:00 Charlie's Wildlife Gardens The less said about c=Charlie Dimmock’s wildlife the better I think. 3:30 Escape to the Country As long as that country is called North Koreea 4:30 Ready Steady Cook 5:15 Weakest Link. 6:00 Beg, Borrow or Steal. 6:30 Strictly Come Dancing: It Takes Two 7:00 Shooting Stars 7:30 Zimbabwe: The Food Fix 8:00 Gardens through Time 9:00 Who Do You Think You Are? A no-hope TV Monkey. 10:00 The Smoking Room10:30 Newsnight 11:20 FILM: Leon the Pig Farmer My eyes are burning. The out of date contact lens solution may explian that. Leon the cocking pig farmer?
As Time Goes By UK Gold 8.30pm
Your Union
6:00am: Breakfast 9:15 Critical Condition 10:00 Homes under the Hammer Homes run strictly by West Ham manager Alan Pardew. 11:00 Builders Sweat and Tears Two words you never want to hear together, builder + sweat. 11:30 Houses Behaving Badly 12:00 Cash in the Attic Who put it there? The twatting Borrowers? 1:00 BBC News; Weather 1:30 Regional News and Weather 1:40 Neighbours. 2:05 Doctors 2:35 Murder, She Wrote 3:20 BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25 CBeebies: Sid's Fix It Tuesday: Bob the Builder 3:35 Little Robots 3:45 CBBC: Tom and Jerry Kids Did they have kids with seperate partners or together. If the latter, you have to wonder about the message the BBC is trying to send out with this one. 4:05 Mona the Vampire. 4:20 Tracy Beaker Parties with Pudsey 4:35 SMart 5:00 Shoebox Zoo 5:25 Newsround. 5:35 Neighbours Steph comes to a decision about taking a fertility test. She’s gonna have her cake and eat it. Make of that what you will readers. 6:30 Regional News 7:00 Watchdog 7:30 EastEnders Tommy has a proposition for Chrissie. She has to eat off that you dirty sod. 8:00 Holby City 9:00 Space Odyssey: Voyage to the Planets 10:00 BBC News 10:30 Regional News and Weather 10:35 Someone to Watch Over Me This week I have defended Bruce. Next week U2. Watch out MOR bashers. That includes you TV John. Anyway aren’t you one of the passport photos on Travis’ first album? 11:15 FILM: Rambo: First Blood 12:50am: Sign Zone: See Hear What?
Delicious Pork UK Food 2.30pm
Metalheads BBC2 7.05am
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Tom and Jerry Kids BBc1 3.45pm
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