Saturday
October 4 - October 10 2004
Page 31
frigmyfrigger@banjostring.com
Ace Ventura BBC1 5.45pm
Parkie ITV1 10.10pm
Nell S4C 11.35pm
Home & Away five 8.00am
06.00 Breakfast 09.00 Weekend 24 10.00 Friends for Dinner 10.30 Gary Rhodes: The Cookery Year 11.00 Bill's Food 11.25 The Plantsman 12.00 See Hear 12.45 Sky at Night 13.10 Cagney and Lacey 14.00 Film 2004 with Jonathan Ross 14.30 Racing from Salisbury 15.00 The Flying Gardener 15.10 FILM: Doctor in Distress 16.50 The Good Life 17.20 What the Papers Say 17.30 Flog It!18.30 Snooker Grand Prix 19.45 Match of the Day Live: France v Republic of Ireland 22.00 Snooker Grand Prix 23.00 QI Pretty funny cleverdick quiz gueststarring the delectable Bill Bailey and his ultimate receeding hairline 23.30 Never Mind the Buzzcocks 00.00 FILM: Islands in the Stream 02.00 BBC Learning Zone Just wandered around the societies fair and overheard someone saying they’d joined Dodgeball. Alas, I couldn’t find the stall. Determined to seek them out and play that primary school game once more. 02.30 Seeing through Maths What, and discovering its shitness? For my GCSE maths coursework I had to investigate Smarties pots and research the best shapes for sweetie containers. Now there’s a transferable skill to put on my CV. 03.00 Seeing through Maths ho hum...03.30 The Passionate Statistician Oooh, now this sounds more promising, FaNarrrrr. 04.00 Asthma and the Bean Wheeze, wheeze 04.30 Unearthing the Woodwide Web 05.00 Cell City: City Life 05.30 Race for the Pole 05.45 Background Brief Featuring Charlotte Church and her“Rear of the Year.” Tosh.
06.00 GMTV 09.25 Ministry of Mayhem 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 ITV News; Weather 12.35 ITV1 Wales News and Weather 12.40 International Motor Sport 13.10 F1: Japanese Grand Prix Qualifying 14.45 Coronation Street Omnibus 17.00 ITV1 Wales News and Weather Regional news round-up. 17.15 ITV News; Sports Results; Weather News update, sports results and weather report. 17.30 New You've Been Framed 18.00 The X Factor The saviour of Saturday night TV. Giggle in delight as more knobjocks pour out their hearts in song only to be ridiculed by the official heart-throb that is Mr Simon Cowell. 19.05 Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway Featuring Linda Barker. Hope she looks reaaalllly, reallly shiiiiiiit 20.10 Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? 21.10 The X Factor 22.10 Parkinson Cliff Richard tonight. You must see his calendar, it’s awesome: Cliff with wine, Cliff on hammock, Cliff with COCKtail, Cliff with conch... 23.15 ITV News 23.30 FILM: Another 48 Hrs With Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte. 01.13 Itv News Headlines 01.15 FILM: What's New, Pussycat? 03.05 CD:UK 03.55 Shoot The Writers 04.20 Entertainment Now! 04.45 ITV Nightscreen 05.30 ITV Early Morning News
06.10 The Hoobs 06.35 The Hoobs 07.00 Speedway Grand Prix 07.55 Trans World Sport 08.55 The Morning Line 09.55 Scrapheap Challenge 10.55 hit40uk 11.25 The OC 12.15 Trains with Pete Waterman What the frig is this? Does he find musical talent on the Merthyr Tydfil-Newport line? Abba renditions on the Plymouth-Edinburgh? Definitely worth a look I’d say. 13.15 Friends 13.45 Supporting Acts 14.00 Channel 4 Racing from York and Bangor-on-Dee 14.35 Y Clwb Pel-Droed Rhyngwladol 17.00 Newyddion News. 17.10 Y Clwb Rygbi 19.30 Newyddion News. 19.45 Hwyl y Noson Lawen 20.15 Cor Cymru 2003 Charlotte Church coughs up her lungs in Aberystwyth, snorts coke in Bangor and shoots up in Rhyll. 21.15 FILM: Charlotte Gray Never seen this either, ho hum. 23.35 FILM: Nell Have I seen this? No again, fuck. Bloody marvellous. Tell you what I have seen though - Wicker Man. Jeeeeez, properly fucked up 70’s horror with Christopher Lee as the Lord of a pagan society on a Scottish island. Disturbing scenes with orgies and phallic symbols and everything! They even dance around a may-pole which represents the penis. Double fnarr! 01.40 Kings of Comedy 02.40 Don't Worry Don’t worry, the rest of the weeks TV is better, keep watching Neighbours for more Lou/Darcy intrigue.03.10 Brazilian Football Championship With half time entertainment from the bikini wax girls. And Diego Maradonna. Allegedly. 05.05 KOTV Like S4C. Knocks me out every time.
06.00 Russell Grant's Postcards Oooh, where will he go today I wonder. I’m hoping he’ll visit Weston SuperNightmare and get molested by old men in v-necks.06.10 WideWorld 06.35 WideWorld 07.00 Sunrise 07.55 Russell Grant's Postcards Did he go,, did he go? 08.00 Home and Away Omnibus 10.00 No Girls Allowed At school the boys played robots. It went a little something like this: ‘Do.You.Want.To.Be.A.Robot (in mechanical voice) No.Girls.Allowed.” It was mortifying.God, i just spelt Allowed like Aloud, as in the band Girls Aloud. They’ve invaded my brain goddamn it! 11.00 Hercules: the Legendary Journeys 12.00 Beyblade 12.30 Duel Masters 13.00 Combat Club 13.30 The Chart 14.00 Dawson's Creek 14.55 World Music Awards 2004 16.40 Giant Monsters 17.45 FILM: Scooby Doo and the Witch's Ghost 19.00 Charmed 19.50 five news and sport 20.10 Britain's Favourite Comedian: Final Andy Peters? Gary Andrews? Who will it be. I think Simon Amstell should win from PopWorld. He makes me piss. In a good way. 21.10 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 22.05 The Farm 23.10 The Shield 00.10 Law and Order 01.00 FILM: Living a Lie Like pretending to be intelligent and do a degree. Or feigning drunkenness after one pint. 02.30 FILM: A Passion for Murder 04.00 Short Story Cinema A man leaves the house. He goes to the cimea. He watches a film. The end. Can I have a job now S4C, can I? 04.20 The Invaders Featuring Xpress Radio 05.10 Sons and Daughters 05.35 Sons and Daughters
19.00 Little Angels 19.30 Little Angels 19.40 Who Rules the Roost Now? 21.10 FILM: Sliding Doors With Gwyneth Paltrow and John Hannah. (Comedy, 1998) Aww, this is such a lush film about all that coincidental shite and how you’re meant to meet your destiny. Sold it to you didn’t I? No, really it’s very clever and my mum fancies John Hannah so that must be good. I think. 22.45 The Graham Norton Effect 23.30 Good Girls Don't Put out on a first date, eat bananas in public, wear crotchless knickers, etc etc. 23.55 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 00.25 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 00.55 Sex, Warts and All USA 01.25 Sex, Warts and All USA Features a rectal examination of Michael Moore 01.55 Liquid Assets: Tom Cruise's Millions 02.55 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 03.25 Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps How many frigging eposiodes? God BBC three is GReeeeaaat. Like Tony the Tiger.
09.25 Emmerdale Omnibus 12.15 Quincy, ME 13.15 Quincy, ME 14.15 CD:UK 15.15 Felicity 16.05 Undeclared 16.35 Undeclared 17.00 The Planet's Funniest Animal Definitely the AyeAye, native to Madagascar. Has one really long middle finger that it uses to scoop out sap from trees. The natives are terrified of it as it only comes out at night and...well, scoops things. How bloody cool! Also in there is the meerkat. 18.20 The Block Australia 19.10 Orange Playlist 19.40 The Planet's Funniest Animals More funny animals, fantastic! The sifaka is funny. Another fave of mine, also from Madagascar. It skips instead of walking. Good stuff.20.10 The Xtra Factor 21.10 Package Holiday Undercover 22.10 The Xtra Factor 23.10 Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? 00.15 The Thrills in Profile Arggggggghhhhhhhhhhh, total hell tv!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 00.45 The Darkness in Profile 01.20 Teleshopping 03.20 ITV2 Nightscreen 03.35 Emmerdale Omnibus
06.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation Start as you mean to go on Sky 07.00 The Match Live 08.00 The Match Live 09.00 The Match Live 10.00 World Wrestling Entertainment Smackdown 12.00 World Wrestling Entertainment: The Bottom Line Crotchless knickers ahoy! 13.00 The Match Live 14.00 The Match Live 15.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 16.00 Star Trek: The Next Generation 17.00 The Match 19.00 The Simpsons 19.30 The Simpsons 20.00 Stargate SG-1 21.00 The Match Live 22.00 Road Raja 23.00 Best of The Match So Far 2 00.00 The Match Live 01.00 Street Wars 01.55 World Wrestling Federation Smackdown 03.45 House Sitters 04.15 Star Trek: The Next Generation 05.10 Star Trek: The Next Generation Who has Sky One? You poor things, this channel is terrifyingly bad and I’m only just beginning to realise. I guess the Simpsons is good. More Star Trek than is healthy and....ugh, god I can’t go on.
14.00 hit40uk 14.25 Hollyoaks Omnibus It’s Freshers’ Week at Hollyoaks High too but sadly they just go to the Dog in the Pond instead of the Taf. And then it’s the Loft. Or has that closed now? I’ve been away... How gutted would you be though if you turned up at uni and realised that three years of the Dog in the Fucking Pond was all you had to look forward to? Apart from Ben, he better grace the screens soon. Bring back Sol and Finn, that’s what I say. Phwoar! 16.35 hit40uk 17.00 Friends 17.30 The OC 18.30 The OC 19.30 The OC 20.30 Friends 21.00 Friends 21.30 Friends 22.00 Kings of Comedy 23.05 Bo' Selecta! 23.35 Porn: A Family Business: I Want to Be an Adult Film Star Don’t we all, love. tape your tits up and sew up that gash and you might make it through. 00.10 Porn: A Family Business 00.50 Line Of Fire 01.40 Kings of Comedy 02.40 Bo' Selecta! 03.05 Porn: A Family Business Is that you again? I told you it was like chucking a sausage down a long corridoor, get out!
As S4C except: 06.00 Insektors More 09.55 T4: hit40uk 10.25 T4: The OC 11.25 T4: Playstation 12.55 T4: Kings of Comedy 16.00 FILM: Music of the Heart With Meryl Streep and Aidan Quinn. (Biopic, 1999) 18.10 Unreported World: Occupation 18.40 Channel 19.40 Force of Nature: Campbell's Final Run 20.10 The Real Charlotte Grays 21.10 FILM: Charlotte Gray With Cate Blanchett and Rupert Penry-Jones. As above. Haven’t seen it my flowers, cannee help you. Did I mention I saw Wicker Man?23.30 Green Wing Oooh, I like this. Sort of comedy series about a bunch of mental doctors and nurses. Bit like the Sketch Show but longer. 00.30 FILM: What's Cooking? With Julianna Margulies and Mercedes Ruehl. (Comedy, 2000) What is cooking, you may ask? I have mostly been cooking pasta with spinach and bacon. Mmmmm.02.40 FILM: Big Night With Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub. (Drama, 1995) 04.30 The Fugitive Featuring Sports Desk
Your Union
06.00 CBeebies: Fimbles 06.20 Fimbles 06.40 The Story Makers 07.00 CBBC: Astro Boy 07.20 The Mummy 07.45 Arthur 08.10 Taz-Mania 08.35 The Scooby-Doo Show 09.00 Dick and Dom in da Bungalow 11.00 Top of the Pops Saturday 12.00 BBC News; Weather 12.10 Football Focus 13.00 Grandstand 13.05 Racing from Salisbury 13.25 Snooker Grand Prix 13.40 Racing from Salisbury 13.55 Snooker Grand Prix 14.10 Racing from Salisbury 14.30 Match of the Day Live: England v Wales 17.05 Wales on Saturday Sports news. 17.20 BBC News; Regional News; Weather 17.45 FILM: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective One of those films I never got round to seeing. Ah well. God, weekend TV is so dull. I’m still excited about today’s episode of Neighbours when we discovered Lou’s prison-buddy is none other than smarmy but devilishly attractive Darcy. 19.05 Only Fools and Horses 19.35 The National Lottery: Winning Lines 20.20 Casualty 21.10 BBC News; Weather 21.30 FILM: The Rock 23.40 FILM: The Dogs of War 01.40 Match of the Day: England v Wales 03.20 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 04.20 A Question of Sport 04.50 Top of the Pops 05.20 Joins BBC News 24
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