Five minute fun
September 1 2003
Page 9
ssugr1@cf.ac.uk
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What the hell happened to you?
A
B
GR
C
A few things...
we’ve noticed this week are triangular sandwiches always taste better than square, reading when drunk is horrible, it’s impossible to pick up a frisbee and still look cool and driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited
Hero of the fortnight is Otterly the rabbit. According to his owner, Mr
A bit of a quiz*
Who from the rich and famous have we disfigured this week? No, these are not guests from Trisha or ex-Steps members, these are actually beloved celebrities cunningly disguised. But can you guess who?
East 17’s Christmas number one was 1 called...? 2 Penelope Pitstop, Mutley and Dick Dastardly were the stars of which kids cartoon? 3 Who is editor of The Sun? music be the food of love, play on’ In which 4 ‘If Shakespeare play is this the opening line? is the name of Brian Clough’s footballing 5 What son?
Words of the week
Use these words as often as possible this week for maximum respect and adoration.
knob jockey, goolies funk it up, bonus
Pointless tat
P. Hunt, our carrot munching friend uses the hallowed pages of gr as bedding material. At least we have some purpose...Chat-up lines of the week include “My gums, your plums”and “How do you like your eggs in the morning? Fertilised?
The Electric Chair was invented by a dentist Americans eat on average 18 acres of pizza a day. If Barbie were real her measurements would be 39-23-33 and she’d be over seven feet tall. A snail can sleep for three years. I bet you’ve tried to lick your elbow. All polar bears are left-handed
gair rhydd crossword
*Don’t write in kids, it’s just for fun!
If I had all the money I’ve spent on booze, I’d spend it on booze... Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut... Ernest Hemingway
They can’t change any of their players but they can change one of their players. And he’s the coach. Bobby Robson
I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. Frank Sinatra
d wonderful ani n a ird A duck’s quack doesn’t echo mal e s W An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain Elephants are the only animals that can’t jump A snail can sleep for three years It’s impossible to lead a cow downstairs A crocodile cannot stick his tongue out Butterflies taste with their feet
ACROSS 1 With Impact (11) 9 Article of faith (5) 10 Free from guilt (7) 11 Tombstone inscription (7) 12 Small picture inside another (5) 13 Non-professional (6) 15 Feel sorry about (6) 18 Wild Card (5) 20 Part-payment in advance (7) 22 Small house (7) 23 Paved area adjoining a house(5) 24 One-wheeled cart (11) DOWN 2 In a droll manner (7) 3 Surplus (5) 4 Of poor quality (6) 5 Small trace (7) 6 Periods of calm (5) 7 Person who builds and fixes chimneys (11) 8 Return of something taken illegally (11) 14 Land area (7) 16 Italian rice dish (7) 17 Word that qualifies another (6) 19 Two-masted sailing vessel (5) 21 Writing material (5) Last week’s winner: Well this is the first issue but enter to be a winner...and i’m boring myself
Win, from gair rhydd’s favourite hangout... Gourmet platter for two, with desert, coffees and free corkage Open ‘til 11, seven days a week. Coffee bar with BYO license! Own roasted coffee. A shot in the dark, next to Wetherspoon’s, City Rd 02920 472300
WIN!
Name:________________________ E-mail:_______________________ Tiebreaker: Strip or triangle? (thanks to music desk for that nonsensical buzzcocks) ________________________________________ ________________________________________ ________________________________________ _______________________________________
What the hell happened to you? A: The magnificent Justin Timberlake B: Although it looks like Jade Goody in real life, it s actually Beyonce Knowles C: Catherine Zeta Jones Quiz: 1. Stay Another Day 2. Wacky Races 3. Rebekah Wade 4. Twelfth Night 5. Nigel