Television
Page 18
September 1 2003
ssugr1@cf.ac.uk
Friday 5 September BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 City Hospital 11.00 Garden Invaders 11.30 House Invaders 12.00 Bargain Hunt 12.30 Back to Baghdad: Rageh Omaar Returns 1.00 BBC News 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.40 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Murder, She Wrote 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Tweenies 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Rugrats 4.15 The Basil Brush Show 4.40 Rugrats 4.55 Call the Shots 5.20 Newsround 5.30 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.35 Neighbours The ice between Steph and Boyd begins to melt. Like a crap metaphor on a hot day. 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Open All Hours 7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 EastEnders An old face returns to the Square. Cor blimey guv’ it’s Dirty Den! “Ange, I’m back, Yeah I was dead, but now the ratings have gone down the swanny” 8.30 My Hero 9.00 Eyes Down 9.30 Trevor's World of Sport 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 The Lyrics Game 11.15 Jim Davidson: On the Road 11.55 Men Behaving Badly 12.25 Boxing: Clinton Woods v Glenncoffe Johnson 2.00 FILM: The Arrival 3.45 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Open University: Open Advice: Exam Success 6.30 CBeebies: Fimbles 6.50 Noddy 7.00 CBBC: ChuckleVision 7.20 Looney Tunes 7.25 Round the Twist 7.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 8.00 Newsround 8.05 Rule the School 8.30 CBeebies: The Story Makers 8.50 Magic Key 9.00 Tweenies 9.20 Rubbadubbers 9.30 Fimbles 9.50 Teletubbies 10.20 Little Bear 10.45 Clifford the Big Red Dog 11.00 Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons 11.25 Captain Scarlet and the Mysterons 11.50 Trade Secrets 12.00 Working Lunch 1.00 Cats 3.00 Country House 3.30 Flog It! 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Scrum V Live 9.00 Restoration 10.00 dinnerladies 10.30 Newsnight “Could I be your protector/you’re buff in every sector/everyman around dem wanna turn your inspector..more on that story later” 11.00 Newsnight Review With Tom“I, I, I..”Paulin. A legend, in a sort of pretentious way. 11.35 FILM: Losing Isaiah 1.15 FILM: Eve's Bayou TV Alex chose this as his film choice, probably high-brow tosh then.
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha: The Seven Deadly Sins 10.30 This Morning 11.30 Loose Women 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Medics of the Glen 1.30 Quincy, ME 2.30 Get a Life 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Tiny Planets 3.30 Invader Zim 4.00 Starfinder 4.30 My Parents Are Aliens 5.05 You've Been Framed! 5.30 I Want That House 6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 Tonight with Trevor McDonald “This week Carol Vorderman investigates the hidden dangers of self immolation” 8.30 Airline 9.00 Rosemary and Thyme Drama series about a pair of gardening enthusiasts and amateur sleuths played by Pam Ferris (the fat one) and Felicity Kendall (lovely nipplets). 10.00 Into the Danger Zone 10.30 ITV Weekend News 11.05 Crime Secrets 11.30 The Henry Files 12.05 Love Match 12.35 Police in Action 3 1.25 Dare to Believe 1.50 Entertainment Now! 2.15 CD:UK Hotshots 2.40 The Waterboys in Profile 3.05 World Football 3.30 Today with Des and Mel 4.20 Tonight with Trevor McDonald
Phoenix Nights S4C 10.50pm
S4C
five
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Little House on the Prairie 10.30 Cricket: Fifth Test: England v South Africa 12.45 The Lunch Break 1.25 Cricket: Fifth Test: England v South Africa 6.30 Hollyoaks Ben decides to tell Izzy how he feels. 7.00 Popcorn 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Clwb Garddio 8.30 Pobol y Cwm It’s a big day for Dr Gwen as he gets his long awaited penis extension. 9.00 C'mon Midffild 10.15 Sex and the City Samantha's PR machine works a little too well, and Miranda starts to feel the pressure. Probably up her arse, the filthy sluts. 10.50 Peter Kay's Phoenix Nights So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest". 11.20 My New Best Friend 11.50 Porn: A Family Business: 12.25 Today at the Test: England v South Africa 12.55 World Rally: Australia 1.30 Top 10 Camp Pop 3.00 Days of Thunder Racing 3.25 Brazilian Football
6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 6.55 Hi-5 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 The Book of Pooh 8.30 Rolie Polie Olie 9.00 Barney 9.25 House Doctor 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 The Terry and Gaby Show 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.35 Charlie's Angels 3.40 FILM: Two Mothers for Zachary 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 five news 7.30 Danger! 50,000 Volts Tongue-in-cheek factual series in with Nick Frost (Mike from the excellent Spaced). In this edition, how to capture an alligator. Proper Bo, I tell thee. 8.00 Greatest Military Clashes: Spitfire v Messerschmitt. Stick that up yer Kaiser, Kaiser. 8.30 Secrets of the Desert 9.00 FILM: No Mercy 11.10 Boomtown 12.05 FILM: Blackwater Trail Directed by Coppola, worth a glance.1.55 FILM: The Rain People 3.40 Behind the Music - 1977 4.10 Russell Grant's Postcards
BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
S4C
five
6.00 Fimbles 6.20 Bill and Ben 6.30 CBBC: Enchanted Lands 6.45 Dennis the Menace 7.10 Mona the Vampire 7.25 Tom and Jerry Kids 7.45 Taz-Mania 8.05 Looney Tunes 8.35 Rugrats 9.00 The Saturday Show 12.00 BBC News; Weather 12.10 Football Focus 1.00 Grandstand 1.10 Rugby Union: Scotland v Ireland 3.20 Golf: Walker Cup 3.45 Football Half-Times 3.50 Racing 4.30 Wales on Saturday 5.05 BBC News 5.20 Match of the Day Live: Macedonia v England. A warning to English students in Cardiff: always follow any jingoism with “Of course Wales have vastly improved under Mark Hughes”. 7.30 Test the Nation 8.55 The National Lottery: Winning Lines 9.05 BBC News 9.25 Test the Nation 10.35 Jim Davidson: Passionate about Comedy In the time honoured fashion of TV desk there is only one thing I can say for this listing...CUNTER. 11.15 Ruby Wax's Commercial Breakdown 11.45 Rugby Union 12.25 FILM: The Dogs of War 2.25 Top of the Pops 2.55 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Weekend 24 10.00 Golf: Walker Cup 12.15 Great Speeches 12.30 Film 2003 with Jonathan Ross 1.00 Racing from Haydock 2.35 The Flying Gardener 2.50 FILM: The Seven Year Itch 4.30 Golf: Walker Cup 5.10 Flog It! 6.00 The Flying Gardener 6.10 Gardeners' World 7.10 International Football Live: Italy v Wales. Excellent I can watch both these games tonight. Time for those GR predictions, Sports Desk:”A kid in a paedophile sanctuary has more chance than Wales in the San Siro”. Quite what a paedophile sanctuary is in actuality is best left inside Sports Desk’s head I think. Gaffer? “I feel the tide has turned and is now flowing away from Wales”. Hopefully washing your metaphors out to sea with all the other turds. 10.00 FILM: The French Connection Ooh good car chases and stuff. Watch this peeps. 11.40 Celebdaq 12.10 FILM: Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence 3.00 BBC Learning Zone: Home Learning Come Outside Summer Omnibus
6.00 GMTV 9.25 SMTV Live 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 The V Festival 2003 1.00 ITV News; Weather 1.05 HTV News and Weather 1.10 On the Ball 2.15 The Magnificent Seven 3.15 FILM: Murder in a Small Town 5.05 HTV News 5.20 ITV News 5.30 You've Been Framed! 6.20 Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2003 Now really, whats this all about? 7.20 Pop Idol 8.35 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? 9.35 It'll Be Alright on the Night A question: Is Dennis Norden actually just a corpse on a stick, Weekend at Bernies style? I’ve studied this show several times and I still can’t decide. 10.35 Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2003 Don’t we get vote for the UK entry like in the proper (in the closest sense of word) contest? Did I miss that bit or what? 10.55 ITV Weekend News 11.10 FILM: Rudy: The Rudy Giuliani Story Oh my god! He has a bloody film made about him starring James Woods! Does that mean if terrorist kill all TV desk except me and my response is to witter on about friggin’ Churchill all the time I get my own movie? I think Jason Lee could do me justice..1.00 FILM: Man of the House 2.35 CD:UK 3.25 Turn On Terry
6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 F3 on 4 7.30 Trans World Sport 8.30 World Rally: Australia 9.00 The Morning Line 10.00 Cricket Show 10.40 Cricket: Fifth Test: England v South Africa 12.45 The Lunch Break 1.25 Cricket: Fifth Test: England v South Africa 1.55 Test Cricket and Channel 4 attheraces 4.05 Cricket: Fifth Test: England v South Africa 5.10 Y Clwb Rygbi Egg-tossing and genral male groping from around the world. Bad things about Wales no.143: An obsession with a really crap sport which doesn’t decrease even though they’re now crap at it. 7.20 Newyddion 7.30 ...Ooh a mystery programme, my guess is Gywdach y Pooych, the moving story of a farmer in North Wales who shits in bucket. 9.45 Pen Tennyn Drama series about a family living in a seaside town in North Wales. See, the real listings are even less exciting. S4C is so unbelievably pony you can only imagine the horror. 10.15 FILM: Desperado Antonio Banderas, Selma Hayek, not much plot, some good gunfights. Average action fodder. 12.15 World Rally 1.00 World Rally 1.15 Today at the Test 1.45 Heavy TV 2.45 FILM: Same River Twice Featherstone. 4.15 KOTV
6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.10 WideWorld 6.35 WideWorld 7.00 Sunrise 7.55 Shake! 8.00 Beast Wars 8.25 Roobarb 8.30 Beyblade 8.55 Dan Dare 9.25 Xcalibur 10.00 Max Steel 10.30 RAD 11.00 The Adventures of Sinbad 11.55 The Tribe 12.55 Popular 1.50 Our Hero 2.20 USA High 2.45 Flaunt Chart Show 3.15 Home and Away Omnibus 5.20 FILM: Pokemon: The Movie 2000 Pokemon collector Lawrence III will become the greatest Pokemon trainer on Earth if he can only capture and tame the dangerous Lugia, but Ash knows that Lugia's powers are more than Lawrence can handle, so he does everything he can to deter him. And I just thought it was a clever way to con money out of gullible kids. 7.10 Charmed Drama 8.00 Alias Action 8.50 five news 9.05 CSI: Crime Scene Investigation 10.00 Law and Order: 10.55 9/11: A Tale of Two Towers Soundtrack by Jefferson Aeroplane 12.55 Boxing Classics I: Joe Frazier v Jimmy Ellis and George Foreman v Ron Lyle 1.35 Boxing Classics II: Muhammad Ali v Jerry Quarry 2.20 Boxing: Fight of the Week 3.30 Now Is the Time: Night of Combat - Kick Boxing 4.20 That 70s Show
FILM: Rudy: The Rudy Giuliani Story ITV1 11.10pm
Saturday 6 September