elevision
GRiP
22
gairrhyddtelevision@hotmail.com
Friday 13 June BBC1
BBC2
ITV1
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 City Hospital 11.00 Trading Up in the Sun 11.30 To Buy or Not to Buy 12.00 Bargain Hunt 12.30 Call My Bluff 1.00 BBC News 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 3.05 Big Screen Britain 3.25 Tweenies 3.45 Arthur 4.10 Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo 4.35 Kerching! 5.00 Serious Jungle Goldie gives a lecture on European economic policy 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours Lou turns to Toadie for legal help and gives Nina some home truths, like that she’s a vacuous bint and can’t sing. 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 A Question of Sport 7.30 Top of the Pops 8.00 EastEnders 8.30 My Family Nick goes into business with an 18ft python. Hopefully it’ll eat the lot of them since this is the biggest pile of shit to hit our screens since Noel’s House Party. 9.00 The Big Impression 9.30 Have I Got News for You 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross Includes Johnny Vegas. Expect much pintage and a sofa struggling to contain his huge mass. 11.30 FILM: Rocky II “Fucking awesome” shouts Sports Desk 1.30 FILM: 83 Hours 'Til Dawn
6.00 Open University 6.30 Fimbles 6.50 Sheeep 7.00 All or Nothing 7.30 Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles 7.50 Round the Twist 8.15 Fix and Foxi 8.30 Little Bear 8.55 Bob the Builder 9.10 Balamory 9.30 Bill and Ben 9.40 Fimbles 10.00 Tweenies 10.20 Zig Zag 10.40 Look and Read 11.00 Megamaths 11.20 Social Inclusion Dramas 11.40 BBC Primary Geography 12.00 Working Lunch 1.00 Queen's Tennis TV Alex and Graham Norton battle it out for Freddy Mercury’s strawberries and cream. 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Robot Wars Extreme II 7.30 The Flying Gardener 8.00 Gardeners' World Live 9.00 The Spear of Christ Surely there must be something of great FNARR value that I can get out of this title - but my Godfearing good half insists that there’s no reference to the beardy one’s naughty bits... 9.50 What the Victorians Did for Us: 10.00 The Thin Blue Line 10.30 Newsnight With Kirsty Wark. 11.00 Newsnight Review 11.35 Later with Jools Holland With Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Stevie Winwood, Terri Walker, Grandaddy. Awesome line up with beards a-plenty. 12.35 FILM: Klute Jane Fonda won an Oscar as a messed up whore in this. Sounds good.
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News 1.00 Loose Women 2.00 I Want That House 2.30 Inspirations 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News 3.15 Boohbah 3.35 Hey Arnold! 4.00 As Told by Ginger 4.30 Globo Loco 5.00 The Crocodile Hunter Diaries Devil mating sounds more like devil fighting - or so it says here. Watch in horror as Steve Irwin sucks Satan’s hot red cock. 5.30 Who Wants to Be a Millionaire - Classic 6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale Bob regrets putting pressure on Dawn as she flees the country. Serves him right for being a fat chuffer and insisting on going on top. Fnarr. 7.30 Coronation Street 8.00 The Hillary Clinton Interview - Tonight with Trevor McDonald I trust she won’t be smoking a cigar during this... 8.30 A Touch of Frost 10.30 ITV Weekend News 11.00 After They Were Famous 11.35 I'm in Charge I may be new here but it’s true... 12.05 F1: Canadian Grand Prix Qualifying 1.20 The District 2.10 2002... Forever 3.05 Entertainment Now! 3.30 Ghost Stories 3.55 World Football 4.20 The Hillary Clinton Interview - Tonight with Trevor McDonald
BBC1
BBC2
6.00 Fimbles 6.20 Pingu 6.25 Captain Abercromby 6.40 ChuckleVision 7.00 Tom and Jerry Kids 7.25 Taz-Mania 7.45 UBOS 8.10 Arthur 8.35 Rugrats 9.00 The Saturday Show 10.30 Trooping the Colour 12.20 BBC News 12.25 Grandstand 12.30 Athletics Focus 12.45 The Great Welsh Triathlon 2.00 Queen's Tennis 5.15 BBC News 5.35 I'd Do Anything 6.30 Only Fools and Horses Rodney's new romance sends the household into a panic. It’s only a sheep Del Boy... 7.00 Just for Laughs 7.30 The National Lottery: In It to Win It 8.15 Casualty Bex revels in the latest titbit of gossip. Quite possibly the news of Tristan’s announcement to Riath: “Forget the dancing, lets just go home and shag.” 9.05 Strange 10.05 BBC News 10.25 FILM: Total Recall Sci-fi classic with Arnie at his monosyllabic best. 12.10 FILM: Best Laid Plans With Reese Witherspoon. Here’s hoping she’s the one getting laid. 1.45 Friday Night with Jonathan Ross 2.40 A Question of Sport 3.10 Top of the Pops
6.00 Weekend 24 9.00 Weekend 10.00 Animal Park 10.30 The Saturday Show 12.00 See Hear 12.45 Thunderbirds 1.35 Talking Movies 2.00 Living Famously 3.00 FILM: Flaming Star 4.25 Cagney and Lacey 5.15 Queen's Tennis Yet more limpwristed action. Tony Hart and Jean Paul Gaultier bat their balls around for a few hours. 6.00 Treasure Hunt 6.50 Trooping the Colour 2003 8.05 Cue the Queen Our Lizzie goes up against several minor celebrities in a pub brawl. Who could she beat in a fight? “The Queen Mother” - our esteemed ed, “Morrissey” suggests Shed 7 stalker Rob J. “TV Alex” screams Riath as he leaps on the rest of Sports Desk in a low budget re-inactment of 9/11. 9.05 George Orwell: My Life in Pictures 10.35 Have I Got News for You 11.05 Early Doors 11.35 I Love 1971 Nostalgia my arse. I demand Greg Dyke’s head on a plate. 12.30 FILM: Pulp The rags to riches story of Jarvis and his band. I wish - it’s actually Britflick dross.
FILM: The Deer Hunter S4C 1.55am
Later with Jools Holland BBC2 11.35pm
S4C
five
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Your Face or Mine? 9.30 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 News at Noon 12.30 Planed Plant Bach 12.40 Planed Plant Bach 12.45 Planed Plant Bach 1.15 Fifteen to One 1.45 A Place in France 2.15 A Place in the Sun 2.45 Britain's Best Home 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant 4.50 Planed Plant 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Big Brother's Little Brother 6.30 Hollyoaks Max thinks the way to Mandy's heart is stability. Nonsense, it’s a bunch of flowers and a Rampant Rabbit. 7.00 Popcorn 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Clwb Garddio 8.30 Pobol y Cwm 9.00 Grand Slam 9.30 Big Brother 10.00 Big Brother 10.35 V Graham Norton 11.15 ER Weaver treats an influential alderman with a sensitive problem. That’d be syphillis then. “He must have got knob rot off some tart” quotes Tristan aka the Brentmeister General 12.15 Big Brother Live 1.50 Trust Me, I'm a Teenager 2.50 Brazilian Championship Football
6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Beachcomber Bay 6.55 Animal Express 7.00 Hi-5 7.35 Oswald 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Tickle, Patch and Friends 9.25 Dinner Doctors 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 The Terry and Gaby Show 12.00 five news at noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.35 Starsky and Hutch 3.35 FILM: Kojak: Flowers for Matty Baldy soft porn.5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 five news 7.30 Gaudi's Barcelona 8.00 House Doctor 8.30 Hot Property 9.00 FILM: Sabotage Soft porn with Carrie-Anne Moss. TV Desk might just miss the Ball for this... 11.00 FILM: Snapdragon Soft porn with Pamela Anderson 12.55 FILM: Summer Dreams: The Story of the Beach Boys Soft porn with the 60s band. 2.30 FILM: I'll See You in My Dreams 50s soft porn with Doris Day - catch a theme with five’s broadcasting tonight?
ITV1
S4C
five
6.00 GMTV 9.25 SMTV Live 11.30 CD:UK 12.30 Young Hercules 1.00 ITV News 1.05 HTV News and Weather 1.10 British Touring Cars 2.15 Carry On Laughing 2.45 FILM: Cunter of the West The TV Alex story. 5.10 HTV News 5.25 ITV News 5.45 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 6.15 You've Been Framed! 6.45 FILM: Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back It’s the daddy. One of the greatest sequels of all time and a must see film for everyone. I shall be using my Jedi mind trick to convince my bitch girlfriend to watch this. 9.05 MIT 10.05 FILM: The Out-of-Towners Unmitigated shit, starring Steve Martin. Avoid it like it has ass scabies. 11.05 ITV Weekend News 11.20 FILM: The Out-of-Towners 11.55 F1: Canadian Grand Prix Qualifying 1.25 Nash Bridges 2.10 CD:UK 3.00 Entertainment Now! 3.25 ITV at the Festivals 2002 4.20 Cybernet Well hello there kinder, it’s the end of another year of the paper so the old guard of TV Desk fall away to be replaced by the freshfaced recruit of my good self, TV Andy. Having jumped ship from Music Desk I hope to live up to my predecessors high (and low) standards. TV Desk is dead, long live TV Desk. Huzzah!
6.10 The Hoobs 6.35 The Hoobs 7.00 Speedway Grand Prix 8.00 Trans World Sport 9.00 The Morning Line 10.00 Twenty20 Cricket: Gloucs.v Worcs. Gloucestershire to win by drowning their opponents in cider. 1.25 Channel 4 attheraces 4.00 Castle 5.00 Out of Eden 6.00 Y Clwb Rygbi Rhyngwladol: Awstralia v Cymru “Wales edging it” suggests a delusional Riath. This man gets paid 30p a word by a national sports magazine and he can’t see that Wales are going to get shafted like Brian Dowling on a Saturday night. 7.55 Newyddion a Chwaraeon 8.10 Tipyn O Stad 8.40 Goreuon Yr Urdd 2003 9.40 Big Brother Live 10.10 FILM: Patriot Games High class IRA thriller action with the arthritic Harrison Ford chasing crack terrorist Sean Bean. Watch this and tape BBC1. 12.15 Big Brother Live 1.25 World Rally Shakedown 1.55 FILM: The Deer Hunter Oh. My. Days. Yet another amazing film on today. Vietnam war epic with Christopher Walken giving his finest performance alongside De Niro and Streep. The heart stopping Russian Roulette sequence is not for weak stomachs, however, and at 3 hours you’d better have plenty popcorn handy too.
6.00 Russell Grant's Postcards 6.10 WideWorld 6.35 WideWorld 7.00 Sunrise 7.55 Shake! 8.00 Gadget and the Gadgetinis 8.25 Roobarb 8.30 Beyblade 8.55 Dan Dare 9.25 Xcalibur 10.00 Max Steel 10.30 Beast Wars 11.00 The Adventures of Sinbad 11.55 The Tribe 12.55 Popular 1.50 Harry and Cosh Gold 2.20 USA High 2.45 The Smash Hits Chart 3.15 Home and Away Omnibus 5.20 FILM: The Justice League of America Comic bookpap. 6.55 Charmed 7.50 Dark Angel 8.40 five news and sport 9.05 CSI: Speedle finds himself attracted to the girlfriend of a man whose death he is investigating. What sort of name is Speedle anyway? 10.00 Law and Order When a millionaire businessman is killed by a fatal dose of a sexual performance-enhancing drug, a key witness puts Curtis in a compromising position.A mighty fine FNARR if ever there was one. 11.00 FILM: Killing Moon 12.40 FILM: L.A. Johns With Debbie Harry. Yet more whore filled crap on five. 2.10 FILM: Invisible Mom The ever selfpleasuring Riath’s worst nightmare. He lives in fear of the dreaded knock at the door whilst he shakes hot white coconuts from the tree of love.
Saturday 14 June