GRiP
19
Wednesday 16 October BBC 2
ITV 1
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 City Hospital 11.00 Garden Invaders 11.30 House Invaders 12.00 Bargain Hunt 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Murder, She Wrote 3.25 CBeebies: Fimbles 3.45 CBBC: The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 Mona the Vampire 4.15 The Cramp Twins 4.30 The Queen's Nose 4.55 CBBC at the Fame Academy 5.00 Blue Peter 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Watchdog 7.30 Match of the Day Live: England v Macedonia England’s two remaining fit players (Phil Neville and Gary Neville, Gary on crutches) take the footballing colossus’s of Macedonia. ‘Ave-it you slanty eyed Macedonians... 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 The National Lottery 10.40 High Hopes 11.10 The Golden Hour The sequel to seminary porno, “The Golden Shower” 12.10 Match of the Day 12.50 FILM: Weapons of Mass Distraction 2.25 Match of the Day: England v Macedonia 3.35 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 Open University 6.30 Theory and Practice 7.00 Sheeep 7.10 Smurfs' Adventures 7.35 The Woody Woodpecker Show 8.00 CBBC at the Fame Academy 8.05 Arthur 8.30 Round the Twist 9.00 Teletubbies Everywhere 9.10 Fimbles 9.30 64 Zoo Lane 9.40 The Story Makers 10.00 Tweenies 10.20 Teletubbies 10.50 Made in Wales 11.05 Numbertime 11.20 Words and Pictures Plus 11.35 What? Where? When? Why? 11.50 Words and Pictures 12.05 Words and Pictures 12.20 Maths Challenge 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Lifeline 1.10 FILM: Doctor in the House 2.40 Assembly Live 3.50 BBC News 3.55 Regional News and Weather 4.00 Escape to the Country 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 Star Trek 7.05 International Football: Wales v Italy WAARGGH!! 9.50 The Royle Family 10.20 Ray Mears's Country Tracks 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 In the Picture 12.05 Despatch Box 12.30 Open University 1.00 Reinventing the Wheel 1.30 Containing the Pacific 2.00 Secondary Schools Technology 4.00 Deutsch Plus
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 Special Delivery 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 The Psychic Show 2.30 Shortland Street 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News and Weather 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Engie Benjy 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 The Quick Trick Show 4.00 Sponge Bob SquarePants 4.35 24Seven 5.05 You've Been Framed! 5.30 Family Fortunes Bring back Les, actually he’s probably just keeping a eye on the misses, the dirty hoe. 6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 8.30 30 Years of Emmerdale Stunning sheep scenes..zzz.... 9.50 The Bill 10.50 ITV News at Ten 11.20 Real Bad Girls 11.50 FILM: When a Man Loves a Woman Or when a woman loves a woman in TV Amy’s case. One word: Dungarees. 2.00 Coach 2.25 Today with Des and Mel 3.15 FILM: Pit of Darkness 4.30 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News Hey kids, I’m back off my deathbed and I’m ranting like a coked-up Littlejohn. At this point I’d like to apologise to Macedonian readership, just joshin’ my eastern Europe buddies.
BBC 1
BBC 2
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 City Hospital 11.00 Garden Invaders 11.30 House Invaders 12.00 Bargain Hunt 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News 1.45 Neighbours 2.05 Doctors 2.35 Murder, She Wrote 3.25 Fimbles 3.45 The Woody Woodpecker Show 4.05 The Mummy 4.25 Looney Tunes 4.30 Call the Shots 4.55 Fame Academy 5.00 Byker Grove 5.25 Newsround Topical news 5.35 Neighbours 6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Fame Academy 7.30 EastEnders Doesn’t Sam look like Jack Nicholson in Batman ie. the joker. Look at the mouth, scary. 8.00 My Family 8.30 Changing Rooms 9.00 Under Attack: A Shops, Robbers and Videotape 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News 10.35 Question Time 11.35 Dragon's Eye 12.05 FILM: Deadlocked 1.40 Holiday: You Call the Shots
7.35 The Woody Woodpecker Show 8.00 Fame Academy 8.05 Blue Peter 8.30 Round the Twist 9.00 Teletubbies 9.10 Fimbles 9.30 Andy Pandy 9.40 The Story Makers 10.00 Megamaths 10.20 Look and Read 10.40 Landmarks 11.00 Golf 1.10 Teletubbies 1.30 Working Lunch 2.00 The Chat Room 2.20 Primary Geography 2.40 Assembly Live 3.20 BBC News 3.25 Regional News and Weather 3.30 Golf 5.15 Weakest Link 6.00 The Simpsons 6.20 The Fresh Prince of Bel Air 6.45 Buffy the Vampire Slayer 7.30 Mountain Stories 8.00 Home Front in the Garden 8.30 Rick Stein's Food Heroes 9.00 Wild New World: Ice Age Oasis 9.50 Look around You 10.00 The League of Gentlemen 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 The Men Who Wiped Out Billions 11.50 America's Cup 12.30 BBC Learning Zone 1.05 Lab Detectives 1.25 The Next Big Thing 2.00 A Time to Be Born 2.30 The Chemistry of Creativity 3.00 Cosmic Recycling
Bargain Hunt BBC1 12.00am
ITV 1 6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 Special Delivery 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.00 Today with Des and Mel 2.00 The Psychic Show 2.30 Soft Sell 3.00 ITV News Headlines 3.05 HTV News 3.15 Mopatop's Shop 3.25 Construction Site 3.35 Tiny Planets 3.45 Brilliant Creatures 4.00 The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius 4.35 Harry and the Wrinklies 5.05 You've Been Framed! 5.30 Family Fortunes 6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale Brad develops herpes from an rancid lolipop given to him by a lizard named Terry. Or summit equally unlikely. 7.30 Wales this Week 8.00 Emmerdale Feck off, once is enough, you muthers.. 9.00 Fat Friends 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.30 The Ferret 11.00 Tarrant on TV Too fuggin’ much! 11.30 Screen Gems 12.30 Night and Day 1.25 ITV at the Festivals 2002 2.20 Macy Gray - In Profile 2.45 Mixmasters 3.10 Cybernet 3.35 Motorsport UK 4.00 ITV Nightscreen 5.30 ITV Early Morning News
S4C
C5
6.05 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Watercolour Challenge 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Binca 12.40 Planed Plant Bach: Teletubbies 1.15 Pet Rescue 1.45 Scrapheap Challenge 2.45 Fifteen to One 3.15 Countdown 4.00 Planed Plant: Popty 4.15 Planed Plant: Hanesion Hyll 4.40 Sgorio Bach 4.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.00 Pencampwriaeth Bowlio 7.25 Pel-droed Rhyngwadol: Cymru v Yr Eidal 9.45 Newyddion Sorry student bretherin, we’ve ditched C4 cos the size of the font was making my eyes hurt. And I can’t be arsed.. 10.00 Bodily Harm 11.45 Ally McBeal Skeletal overacting from a talentless bint, in short. 12.40 Sex and the City 1.15 Will and Grace No really this is shit, Will may be cute ladies but that’s no excuse to give time to this crap. 1.45 Red Hot Chili Peppers Sock-on-cock action , funky 2.15 FILM: The Big Boss With Bruce Lee and Maria Yi. 3.50 ALT-TV - A Dad for Aina
6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.40 FILM: Murder or Memory? 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles Face-for-radio chubber incomprehensibly gets own series. Next week, The Dream Team’s guide to DIY. 7.30 five news 8.00 House Doctor 8.30 Hot Property 9.00 Brits Who Fought for Hitler Like Littlejohn’s dad probs, the Nazi CUNT. 10.00 Dwarves in Showbiz 11.00 Law and Order 12.00 Major League Baseball Live 3.00 Major League Baseball Replay 5.35 Fastrax
S4C
C5
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Ysgolion/Schools 12.00 Watercolour Challenge 12.30 Planed Plant Bach: Plismon Puw 12.50 Planed Plant Bach: Wil Cwac Cwac 1.00 Countdown 1.40 Channel 4 attheraces from Newmarket 3.30 Fifteen to One 4.00 Planed Plant: Stori'r Anifeiliaid 4.05 Planed Plant: Chwedlau'r Byd 4.20 Planed Plant: Y Marinogion 4.50 Planed Plant: Ffeil 5.00 Pencampwriaeth Bowlio 7.00 Pobol y Cwm Filmed in Caerphilly, the home of Tory reprobates everywhere.. 7.30 Newyddion 8.00 Siopa Byw 8.30 Bob a'i Fam 9.00 Cof Patagonia 9.30 Forever Summer with Nigella Mmm.. I’d like Nigella between two slices of bread. 10.00 Brookside 11.05 Y Sesiwn Hwyr 12.05 Model Behaviour Vapid empty individuals watch empty vapid individuals, everybody’s lives slip away. 12.35 Alias 1.30 FILM: Mute Witness 3.05 Hollywood Vice 3.35 The Art Show 4.05 FILM: Before I Hang My midget from the ceiling. We all do it, c’mon. Oooh, Gemma’s gone mad and beating up the computer. Nurse!
6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Havakazoo 6.50 Animal Antics 6.55 Tickle, Patch and Friends 7.30 Make Way for Noddy 7.45 Make Way for Noddy 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.30 The Wright Stuff 11.00 Magnum PI 12.00 five news 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 BrainTeaser 2.30 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Riders of the Purple Sage 5.30 five news 6.00 Home and Away 6.30 Family Affairs 7.00 Live with... Chris Moyles “irreverant” the listing says “irrelevant” I’ll say. Oh you bitch. 7.30 five news 8.00 FILM: Godzilla 10.35 Murder Trail 11.40 Downloading Sex Hmm.. all too easy to jibe at my flatmate here. I think I’ll just say “wankrag” and leave it at that. 12.30 Jonathan Pearce's Football Night 1.10 Dutch Football: Feyenoord v Ajax 2.40 Argentinian Football: River Plate v Union 4.10 Argentinian Football Highlights 4.50 Major League Soccer: Columbus Crew v New England Revolution MLS man, it’s like soccer or as you Englanders say foot-ball. Next week Las Vegas Sleazepit take on New York crackboom.
Thursday 17 October
Television
BBC 1
Brits Who Fought for Hitler C5 9.00pm