Television
7 May
Tuesday S4C
CHANNEL 5
6.00 Breakfast 9.00 Kilroy 10.00 Animal Park 11.00 Trading Up in the Sun 11.30 Bargain Hunt 12.00 The Enemy Within 12.30 Wipeout 1.00 BBC News; Weather 1.30 Regional News and Weather 1.45 Neighbours 2.10 Doctors 2.40 Diagnosis Murder 3.25 CBeebies: Tweenies Songtime; Tweenies 3.45 CBBC: Arthur 4.10 Get Your Own Back 4.35 Big Kids 5.00 SMart 5.25 Newsround 5.35 Neighbours
6.00 La Bonne Formule 6.30 Exam Success 7.00 Chuck Finn 7.25 Histeria 7.45 Blue Peter Unleashed 8.15 Binka 8.25 The Story Makers 8.40 Clifford the Big Red Dog 9.00 Teletubbies 9.50 Playdays 10.10 Tweenies 10.50 Megamaths 11.10 English Express 11.30 Music Makers 11.50 Zig Zag Shorts 12.00 The Animated Tales 12.30 Working Lunch 1.00 Binka 1.10 FILM: Amelia Earhart: The Final Flight 2.40 Assembly Live 3.20 BBC News 3.30 Esther 4.30 Ready Steady Cook 5.15 Weakest Link
6.00 GMTV 9.25 Trisha 10.30 This Morning 12.00 Family Fortunes 12.30 ITV Lunchtime News and Weather 1.10 Shortland Street 1.40 Crossroads 2.10 Heartbeat 3.10 ITV News Headlines 3.15 HTV News and Weather 3.20 Tiny Planets 3.25 Maisy 3.30 Preston Pig 3.45 Sitting Ducks 4.15 Mystery 4.35 Weirdsister College: The Further Adventures of the Worst Witch 5.05 Never Had It 5.30 Crossroads
6.05 The Hoobs 6.30 The Hoobs 6.55 RI:SE 9.00 Bewitched 9.30 I Dream of Jeannie 10.00 FILM: High Sierra 11.55 My Eden 12.00 Powerhouse 12.30 Planed Plant: Tweenies 12.50 Planed Plant: Bibi 1.00 Countdown 1.45 Channel 4 at the races from Chester 3.30 Fifteen to One 4.00 Chwedlau'r Byd 4.10 Y Rhagalen Wirion Na 4.50 Ffeil 5.00 Richard and Judy Judy 6.00 Newyddion 6.05 Wedi 6 6.30 Gary Bayley 7.00 Pobol y Cwm 7.30 Newyddion News.8.00 Clwb Garddio 8.30 Tipyn O Stad 9.00 The Edwardian Country House
6.00 Sunrise 6.30 Beachcomber Bay 6.55 Nosey 7.00 Happy Monsters 7.15 Little Antics 7.20 Mr Men and Little Miss 7.30 Rolie Polie Olie 8.00 Bear in the Big Blue House 8.30 Barney 9.00 Jay Jay the Jet Plane 9.30 HouseBusters 10.00 The Wright Stuff 11.00 T J Hooker 12.00 5 News at Noon 12.30 Home and Away 1.00 Family Affairs 1.30 US PGA Golf 2.20 Open House with Gloria Hunniford 3.35 FILM: Moment of Truth: Broken Pledges 5.25 Kylie Jukebox Viewers 5.30 5 News
6.00 BBC News 6.30 Wales Today 7.00 Wildlife on One: 7.30 EastEnders Jamie is determined to drown his sorrows. In his own hair grease. 8.00 Holby City 9.00 Cutting It Gavin is in for a nasty shock when he has perm and ends up looking like Kevin Keegan’s long-lost brother. 10.00 BBC News 10.25 Regional News and Weather 10.35 Week In, Week Out 11.05 Football: Against the Wall Alan Hansen investigates the cash crisis which is crippling football and asks the biggest names in the game who is to blame. Featuring interviews with Sven-Goran Eriksson, Alan Sugar, Mohamed Al Fayed, Rio Ferdinand and David James. I blame Fayed, just cos he’s a twat and should never be allowed a passport and wherever he goes can take his overpriced tack shop with him. 11.45 FILM: Rocky V 1.30 What the Victorians Did For Us 2.25 Sign Zone: See Hear on Saturday 3.10 Joins BBC News 24
6.00 The Simpsons While on summer vacation, Lisa sheds her bookish image in an effort to make new friends. Featuring the guest voice of Christina Ricci. Wicked. 6.20 Rough Science 6.50 The Best 7.20 Scrum V Live: Swansea v Neath 9.30 Horizon: What Sank the Kursk? Documentary following scientists as they piece together clues about the cause of the Kursk submarine disaster, in which all 118 crew members were killed. Blame the Yanks and then hijack some nuclear weapons, if the movies have taught me anything... 10.20 A foot Again in the Past 10.30 Newsnight 11.20 Trading Places 11.50 48 Preludes and Fugues 12.00 Despatch Box 12.30 Open University: Persisting Dreams 1.20 Ever Wondered? 1.30 Women and Allegory: Gender and Sculpture in Two Societies 2.00 Secondary Schools: Geography 4.00 Espana Viva 5.00 Working in Engineering: Mind Your Own Business
6.00 HTV News 6.30 ITV Evening News 7.00 Emmerdale 7.30 The Real Dad's Army 8.00 Barbara 8.30 Sweet Charity 9.00 Real Crime: Crocodile Tears 10.00 ITV News at Ten 10.20 England's World Cup Showdowns: 1986 - If god was on your side Diego, how come he let you become a fat bastard? Maradonna also has the smallest penis ever. No honestly, I’ve seen the photos... 10.50 The Ferret 11.20 HTV News 11.30 Top Sport 12.00 Storm Force 12.35 Pink in Profile 1.05 FILM: The Pickle Film-making comedy about a down-on-his-luck director who, in the wake of a series of flops, takes up his only remaining option – to direct a low-budget teenage sci-fi flick about a flying pickle. Not really his last option, I reckon starring with your mum in your own porn film would be last option, but we’ll have to wait for Lars Von Trier to do that one. 2.45 World Sport 3.10 The Big Match Replayed 3.50 ITV Nightscreen
10.00 Pen Tennyn 10.30 Sex on TV 11.35 V Graham 12.05 Tourist Police 12.35 Wasted 1.35 FILM: McLintock! 3.55 The Great Train Robbery
6.00 Home and Away Gypsy has a hot date. With a fire eater. In Spain. In July. 6.30 Family Affairs Jessica is jealous of Jude's incessant flirting. Fnarr? Who cares anyway? 7.00 5th Gear Motoring Featuring the Pagani Zonda which could be a car I reckon. Look, just because I like footie doesn’t mean I’m a masculine stereotype, although I’m well butch... 7.30 5 News 7.35 Football on 5: Leeds United v Celtic 9.50 5 News 10.00 FILM: Murphy's Law A hard-bitten cop finds himself on the wrong side of the law when he is knocked unconscious and wakes to find his estranged wife and her lover have been murdered. He then makes friends with ex-criminal and together they become allies to clear his own name and then...blah blah blah cliche blah blah etc. 12.00 La Femme Nikita 12.50 NFL Europe 1.15 NHL Ice Hockey Live 4.00 NHL Ice Hockey Replay Space filler quote: “That’s like if Craig Charles’s cock fell off.” Quite. I can’t put it into context at all, just overheard it from News desk.
Daytime Evening
CHOICE Football: Against the Wall BBC 1, 11.05 pm Interesting, as a Bond villan might say. With the collapse of ITV Digital the harsh reality is that it could mean the end of smaller clubs like Bury, but can anything be done to save
CH4. As S4C except:12.30 Cheers 1.00 Montel 1.35 Channel 4 at theraces 1.55 Joseph Heler Cheshire 2.25 Stanley Racing Stakes (H'cap). 2.55 Victor Chandler Chester Vase. 3.25 Walker Smith and Way Stakes (H'cap). 3.45 Fifteen to One 4.15 Countdown 5.00 Richard and Judy 6.00 Hollyoaks 6.30 Hollyoaks 7.00 Channel 4 News 7.55 Kids On... Violence 8.00 The Tower: Tower Top Brass 9.00 The Edwardian Country House 10.00 Sex on TV “How dare you steal our ethos”, yell Channel 5. Alas nobody hears them over their self produced static... 11.05 V Graham Norton 11.35 Tourist Police: 12.05 Teachers 1.05 The Gold-digger 2.05 FILM: Royal Flash 3.45 Football Italia: 5.30 Powerhouse
footie as we know it? Perhaps this program might offer some intersting solutions. Perhaps Manchester United might offer to support Bury with their massive profits? Though I doubt it. England’s World Cup Showdowns: 1986 ITV, 10.20 pm
Football: against the Wall BBC1 11.05pm
Rough Science BBC2 7.30pm
Sweet Charity ITV1 8.30pm
The Edwardian Country House C4 9.00pm
Tuesday 7th May
HTV
Today’s Highlights
BBC 2
BBC 1
13
Ok, I know this is a Welsh paper but this is my personal TV choice so don’t get offended English-haters, from whatever creed you decend. Lets all become united in mirth at the sight of the fat-arsed mad fool Maradonna’s become. Still his goal against England in this match has to rate as one of the best goals ever. But then he also cheated with the “hand of God” in the same match. Git.